In The Hostile Hospital, the narrator tells us about his friend, a lepidopterist. He was running away from these guys and had to eat his butterflies so the other insects in bug prison wouldn't beat them up. Then once he got out of jail, he burped them back up.
Count Olaf's and Esmé's evil laughs.
Any of the bizarre tangents the Lemony Narrator goes off on - notable are "the bears bear hard hard yarn yarns" and "the Baudelaires' journey up the Vertical Flame Diversion was so dark and treacherous that it is not enough to write 'the Baudelaires' journey up the Vertical Flame Diversion was so dark and treacherous that it is not enough to write 'the Baudelaires' journey up the Vertical Flame Diversion was so dark and treacherous that it is not enough to write 'the Baudelaires' journey up the Vertical Flame Diversion was so dark and treacherous that it is not enough to write My dear sister... "
Also Snicket's "in the dark" tangent in Book Six for several pages. It's two entirely black pages... with Violet's hand sticking out of the bottom and a small pit of light with Esmé in it at the top.
An unrelated "in the dark" tangent in Book the Thirteenth explores the literal and metaphorical meanings of the phrase "in the dark" using every possible combination of being in the dark and being not in the dark, such as being "in the dark while not in the dark", "not in the dark about being in the dark", "in the dark in the dark about being in the dark in the dark" . . . Using a mysterious anecdote involving a buried cabinet and a man being followed by ballerinas.
Snicket's intentionally tedious descriptions of the Water Cycle in book 11.
"The book was long and difficult to read, and Klaus became more and more tired as the night went on. Occasionally his eyes would close. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over.
"People will often say things will feel better in the morning, but of course, that's rarely the case. My driver once told me things would feel better in the morning, but when morning came we were still on a deserted island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and neither of us felt any better." This becomes even funnier when you remember that the only people who would be driving Lemony around are Jacques, Kit, or one of their parents. Kit was probably responsible...
All of Mr. Remora's stories.
The Slippery Slope: Two firestarters burn down the V.F.D. headquarters... they describe burning down the pool as well, with one of them adding, "And that wasn't easy to do!"
Certainly doable if you dropped in burning magnesium and evaporated the whole thing.
In "The Slippery Slope," Olaf's henchmen lament about what makes people view them as freaks. The two powder-faced women, in particular, complain that people treat them differently because of their pale faces...only for someone else to point out they're applying even more powder as the conversation is happening.
The villagers on Olaf and Esmé right after their evil plot has been revealed: "I heard they're dating!"
Thinking of all the effort Count Olaf put into Stefano only to have it be instantly seen through.
When Klaus is reading the large book of laws in the Village of Fowl Devotees, he comes across a very contradictory pair of rules: "'Rule #19 clearly states...that the only pens that are acceptable within the city limits are ones made from the feathers of crows. And yet Rule #39 clearly states that it is illegal to make anything out of crow feathers.'"
Meaning they can't make those pens themselves and must import prefabs.
In The Austere Academy, Snicket describes Nero's violin recital as like listening to a cat being viciously beaten.
In The Grim Grotto: "you're a marshmallow, Carmelita."
In The Hostile Hospital, the mere fact that both the Hook-Handed Man and the Bald Man with the Long Nose are completely and utterly taken in by the disguises worn by Klaus and Sunny, and mistake them for the White-Faced Ladies.
Olaf visibly boiling over with rage every time Aunt Josephine corrects his grammar.
Vice Principal Nero mocking the Baudelaire's voices, including Sunny's.
When Violet and Klaus are taking their exams, Vice Principal Nero insists on mocking every one of their answers despite it becoming increasingly obvious that they are getting every one of them right.
The Hook-handed Man's idea of a good dream: "I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my nose and mouth, and giving everybody germs."
While the situation itself isn't funny, the argument Violet and Sunny have when they meet "Shirley," Count Olaf in disguise, in The Miserable Mill.
Shirley/Count Olaf: I'm Shirley. See this nameplate?
Sunny: Fiti!
Violet: Sunny's right. You're not Shirley.
Count Olaf: I'm Shirley because I would like to be called Shirley, and it is impolite not to do so.
Violet: I don't care if we're impolite to such a disgusting person as yourself.
Shirley/Count Olaf: But if you do something impolite to me then I might do something impolite to you. Like for instance tearing your hair out with my bare hands.
A lot of times when the author defines a word or a phrase for the reader. For example "phantasmagorical" which Snicket translates as "all the creepy, scary words you can think of put together." Or "egad" which here means "Oh no! He's escaping!"
In a recap of the last 12 books, the narrator spends an absurdly long amount of time on describing the fifth book that he has to rush through the next seven books to make it under the 120-second limit.
The description of the twelfth book: "...and dressed as monkeys, or perhaps concierges."
, the narrator spends an absurdly long amount of time on describing the fifth book that he has to rush through the next seven books to make it under the 120-second limit.