In spite of the dramatism and seriousness of the source material, A Boy, a Girl and a Dog: The Leithian Script has plenty amusing, witty or even hilarious moments.
- How many weapons Beren keeps in his clothes? As seen in chapter 2, a lot.[Outside the Gates of Nargothrond. Enter Beren, escorted by the Rangers, but unbound]
Captain: Forgive me, sir, but you must leave your weapons with us. It isn't permitted to go armed into the presence of the King.
Beren: Of course. Hold on a minute —
[He hands over his bow, quiver, longsword, shortsword and dagger]
Captain: [relieved] Thank you for being so understanding about this. Now if you'll just come this way —
Beren: Not done yet.
[he takes assorted dirks from vambraces, leggings, belts and backpack]
Captain: [staring at the mounting pile] Oh...Is there more?
Beren: [working poniards out of cloak hem and hand-guards] Yup.
Captain: Is — is that everything?
Beren: [muffled, struggling out of his armor] No, there are still the backups, but you'll have to wait a bit.
[takes another several pounds of metal from undertunic, sleeves, and waistband]
Beren: That should do it. - Beren is describing Carcharoth to his friends.Warrior: I'm still trying to imagine a wolf the size of an aurochs or larger.Steward: [dryly] How peculiar — I'm trying very hard not to.
- Doubles as a Heartwarming Moment, when the Steward tells Beren how Finrod reacted to hearing that Beren was no longer in Sauron's dungeon.Captain: Edrahil catches hold of him by the shoulders shouting, "He's safe — it's all right, he's safe," and Himself, too surprised to disappear, hears this and says, "Perhaps she'll forgive me, then," and we're trying to explain that it isn't what he thinks, and that takes a bit, and then a little longer for him to grasp it, and then all of the sudden he's back, and he says, "Well then, I suppose I should leave off mourning and go pay my respects to the Lord and Lady of the Halls and then to my kindred.
- Beren is telling his friends what Angband is like.Beren: — there were designs on them that I don't want to remember. And Balrogs. Multiple Balrogs.[pause]Youngest Ranger: Did you run into Glaurung?Beren: [deadpan] You know, I was wondering what was lacking to make the experience complete, and guess what, that was it. Somehow there was a disaster that we actually missed.Captain: [also straight-faced] Shocking inefficiency. I wonder how that happened.
- At one point, the Captain tells the next story: several centuries ago, a harpist and his flutist wife were hired to entertain Finrod and his retinue, but the way the man was constantly putting his wife down was getting on everybody's nerves...until Finrod's steward Edrahil ran out of patience, challenged him to a music duel and won. Edrahil then said he will take the bard's voice, and the man will only regain it if he performs a very specific task (which incidentally will force him to treat his wife respectfully). As the Captain pauses in the middle of the story, Edrahil finds out that everybody thought he had put a geas on the bard, and he replies he did nothing of the sort. He just realized he was dealing with a gullible idiot.Captain: "Well, then. — So the mortal is staring at him in relief at his words, with an expression of awe and humiliation together that was just painful to look at, and he asks him, even more quietly, "Have I cheated, harper? Do you deny me the contest?" and the Man shakes his head, once. "Your harp is worthless to me. Is there anything in the world you value more than your music?" and again the bard shakes his head. "Then I shall take your voice," he says, "as something else you take for granted. You shall regain it, if — and only if — you drink a cupful of water taken living from these mountain freshets, drawn and borne to you by your lady's hands, as the Sun dispels the night. No chance-met hour will suffice, nor water from well or jar or unmoving pool — and no other woman may undo this binding. Only the free gift, made in mercy, of your consort's love shall set you free — or a greater Power than mine. If she will not — [...] Then you must journey to the world's end, and find the Sea, and when Arien setting, you behold the Lady's flames upon the waves, this spell of silence shall be broken. [...] Otherwise, I cannot say how long it shall endure upon you."
Ranger: "What did you do to him, Sir? We never could figure it out."
Steward: (frowning) "What do you mean?"
Ranger: "The geas. It seemed — well — rather Dark to us."
Steward: "Oh. — That's why everyone was so cooperative for six or seven years thereafter. I thought it was some rare alignment of the Circles or a conjunction of the stars — I did nothing to him. The idiot did it entirely to himself. It only worked because I could See the fool would believe and obey whatever I said to him. In other words — I cheated."
Captain: "Now, be fair — you'd just convinced some two-hundred-odd people of both Kindreds that they were standing on the shores of a Sea most of them had never dreamt of, let alone seen. No wonder the poor wretch was dumbstruck." - Namo is explaining to Lúthien the risks of becoming mortal and returning to Beleriand... and Finrod steals the spotlight completely.Namo: [dispassionate] You understand that this is the real thing — you will return to the world you left, and there are no guarantees that your lives will be safe, or happy, or long, or that anything will go easier on you than it has before, once you leave our realm, and our ability to protect you?[before either of the lovers can answer]Finrod: There were guarantees? Guarantees were made, and I somehow missed them?Namo: [wearily] — Finrod —Finrod: [going on as if he didn't hear] Edrahil, do you recall any guarantees that slipped my notice? I can't imagine I was ever that preoccupied.Steward: [shaking his head] — Only the ones we are all most familiar with, about living to regret it and dying horribly overseas. — Unless, perhaps, there were guarantees made to Middle-earth of which I have never been informed.Youngest Ranger: Not that I ever heard of, sir. — Unless the Lady Melian . . . ?Luthien: Mom never said anything like that.Finrod: I didn't think so — I thought I'd remember. My lord, what guarantees are you speaking of? I'd be interested in —Namo: — Finrod, please! [glares at him][Finrod shrugs, as his father and uncle share looks of bemused sympathy]Namo: [to Luthien and Beren] We mean that — as my colleagues have tried to make clear — the exceptions we are making will take you out of our jurisdiction and place you back into the war-zone you have just left. We won't be able to assist you, once you're back in Middle-earth, beyond the ordinary means at our disposal.
