It Ain't Hay is a 1943 Universal Studios musical comedy film starring the comedy team of Abbott and Costello, and directed by Erle C. Kenton. It’s loosely based upon the Damon Runyon story “Princess O’Hara”.
Dimwitted and accident-prone New York cab driver Wilbur Hoolihan (Costello) accidentally kills Finnegan, a hack horse owned by the kindly old King O’Hara (Cecil Kellaway) and his young daughter, Peggy “Princess” O’Hara (Patsy O’Connor) by feeding him peppermint candy. Horrified and determined to make it up to the O’Haras, he and his friend Grover Mockridge (Abbott) and their mutual friend Joe Collins (Leighton Noble) vow to get a replacement horse somehow. Wilbur and Grover visit a crooked gambling parlor to get enough money to buy a replacement, only to lose the money they won by accidentally buying a stolen police horse. They then visit a track upstate to get an old horse named Boimel available for free, but accidentally take the wrong horse, a champion racehorse named Tea Biscuit, and give him to O’Hara. Tea Biscuit’s owner, Col. Brainard (Samuel S. Hinds) puts out a reward for his horse’s safe return, while the unwitting O’Hara drives Tea Biscuit north to the Saratoga horse racetrack for a fare. Wilbur, Joe, and Grover, a thuggish detective named Gregory Warner (Eugene Pallette) who had a bad run-in with them earlier and is eager for Brainard’s reward, and three touts who have been watching the events unfold and have been trying to angle things their way all converge on the Saratoga raceway.
Due to legal issues with the estate of Damon Runyon, the film was delayed from being released on DVD until 2008, some time after most of Abbott and Costello’s other outings from the time.
This film provides examples of:
- Accidental Theft: Wilbur and Grover try to take an older horse being given away for free, and ride off with a champion racehorse instead, purely by accident.
- The Alleged Car: Wilbur’s cab is a cheap piece of junk that’s constantly on its last legs. Driving from Manhattan to Saratoga (roughly 180 miles) is enough for it to completely fall apart immediately after arrival.
- Amusing Injuries: Warner jabs Wilbur in the butt with a pitchfork at one point, and while the tines visibly go in pretty deep, it's Played for Laughs and he's unharmed as soon as he gets it out.
- The Big Race: The climax of the film is a horse race at the Saratoga track, with a competent jockey racing Tea Biscuit winning, and the hapless Wilbur on the jockey’s horse coming in dead last.
- Blatant Lies: Wilbur and Grover tell Warner a few while keeping Tea Biscuit in their hotel room, to keep him from snooping around.
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: Twice!
- Near the beginning, a tout (played by Shemp Howard) is asked why he’s holding an umbrella when it's not raining. He replies “Who knows? I’m a Damon Runyon character.” Keep in mind, Damon Runyon was still alive at the time of the film’s release.
- When someone knocks on Grover and Wilbur’s door, Grover tells Wilbur “Go answer the door, it might be Warner”. Wilbur replies “It won’t do no good, we’re signed up with Universal”. Abbott and Costello had a long-term contract with Universal Pictures at the time.
- Captain Ersatz: Tea Biscuit is an obvious one of legendary real-world racehorse Seabiscuit, who was still alive at the time of the film's release.
- Cheerful Child: “Princess” O’Hara is a very sweet-natured 12yo who helps the protagonists out of a few jams… but is just as likely to do so by being a Little Miss Con Artist.
- The Con: “Slicker” runs a crooked gambling parlor that claims to have a radio tuned in to the local racetrack, but it’s actually attached to a microphone with two other people in the next room who stage audio-only “races” and make sure the House always wins. Grover outwits the men by staging a raid and making them flee, then “announcing” Wilbur won, allowing them to pay the loan back to “Big-Hearted Charlie” with the money before beating a hasty retreat from the building.
- Cool Horse: Tea Biscuit is advertised as the fastest racehorse in the world, and completely dominates the race at the very end, even with an unfamiliar jockey, and after some time racing around Saratoga Springs with Wilbur.
- From Bad to Worse: First, Wilbur ends up with THREE checks and no money at Kitty’s restaurant, due to a series of mistakes. Then Warner, a new "efficiency expert", walks into the restaurant and begins siccing his thugs on anyone who doesn't pay their check. Then Warner notices Wilbur...
- Exact Words: Just before the big race, Grover agrees to turn “the horse Wilbur’s riding” – Tea Biscuit – over to Warner after the race in exchange for $100. Wilbur ends up on another horse, named Rhubarb, and Grover turns Rhubarb over to Warner instead.
- The Film of the Book: Based on the Damon Runyon story “Princess O’Hara”, though the title was changed.
- Golf Clubbing: At Kitty’s restaurant, Wilbur gets accidentally clobbered several times by a man with a bag full of golf clubs.
- Headless Horseman: While taking Tea Biscuit, and avoiding Warner, Wilbur gets a bucket stuck on his head as he rides away with the horse. In the darkness, Warner is dumbfounded at what he sees, and tells the police that a headless horseman rode off with Tea Biscuit.
- Hope Spot: Finnegan seems to be recovering after Wilbur tries to treat him, and it even segues into a cheery musical number… but it’s just his last gasp, and by the next morning, the horse is dead.
- Horsing Around: Before the big race in the climax, Wilbur is thrown off Tea Biscuit and onto another horse, named Rhubarb.
- Loan Shark: “Big-Hearted Charlie” lends Wilbur $100 at very high interest, and threatens some very nasty consequences if Wilbur can’t pay him back. The Con Man Slicker works out of the back of his office.
- Officer O'Hara: Grover, Wilbur, Princess, and Joe get out of a bad situation in Kitty’s restaurant by claiming Warner hates Irish people to a NYPD officer. Ironically, the two characters actually NAMED O’Hara have nothing to do with this trope.
- My God, What Have I Done?: Grover is horrified that he accidentally killed Finnegan, and decides he Must Make Amends.
- New York Is Only Manhattan: Completely averted; the story starts off in Manhattan, but moves upstate to Saratoga for the climax.
- Talking Animal: For most of the film, Tea Biscuit is just a regular horse. However, at one point, Wilbur whispers to Tea Biscuit not to give them away, and Tea Biscuit replies “I’m no Stool Pigeon!”. Cue a Wild Take from Wilbur.
This is never brought up again. - Two Men, One Dress: Wilbur and Grover hide from Warner in a dark barn by draping a horse blanket over themselves.
- Unknowingly Possessing Stolen Goods: Wilbur loses all his money he got from Slicker by unwittingly buying a stolen police horse, which the cops quickly recognize as one of their own. He's lucky enough to escape the cops pretty quickly, but is back to square one when it comes to getting O'Hara a new horse afterwards.
- Later, Wilbur steals Tea Biscuit in an Accidental Theft and gives him to King O'Hara.
- Unwitting Instigator of Doom: Wilbur feeds a horse some candy, and kills him in a Surprisingly Realistic Outcome.
- Who's on First?: A brief misunderstanding between Wilbur and Grover in the beginning, where Grover explains that a horse eats his "fodder" and Wilbur mishears it as "father".
