Film / Doctor in Distress (1963)

The doctor's in distress, alright, but worse than that - he's in love.

"Watch it, you clots! I'm not a corpse yet!"

— Sir Lancelot Spratt being wheeled through Hampden Cross Hospital on a gurney.

Doctor in Distress is a 1963 film and the fifth of the Doctor... Series. It stars Dirk Bogarde, Samantha Eggar, James Robertson Justice, Donald Houston, Barbara Murray, Dennis Price, and Special Guest Mylène Demongeot.

After injuring his back in a fall, Sir Lancelot Spratt (Justice) is placed under the care of physiotherapist Iris Marchant (Murray). While Sir Lancelot doesn't like her at first, he quickly falls in love and turns to Dr. Simon Sparrow (Bogarde) for help, although Dr. Sparrow has his own romantic business, namely that he has fallen in love with Delia Mallory (Eggar), a model.

While Sir Lancelot is unable to take Iris out on consistent dates as she is busy taking care of Major Tommy Ffrench (Houston), Dr. Sparrow uses his connections with Dr. Blacker (Price) and sends him off to Banton House Nature Clinic & Retreat in order to help him lose some weight. This proves unfruitful, however, as Sir Lancelot can't stand it there and chooses to buy a corset instead.

Sir Lancelot then has Iris followed by a private investigator, Mr. Holly (Timothy Bateson). Once Mr. Holly suffers from appendicitis, Sir Lancelot chooses to do the job himself, only succeeding in frightening the life out of a woman on the train (Fenella Fielding) with his gruff demeanor and embarrassing himself in front of Iris, especially once he manages to accidentally follow the nervous woman from the train home. Now Sir Lancelot has is left with only one option - to try to propose to Iris as Hilarity Ensues.

Meanwhile, Dr. Sparrow and Delia's relationship is strained when she goes off to Rome to star in The Sorrows of Salome, but his chances for romance aren't completely dashed when he meets the lovely Swedish Sonja Stromberg (Demongeot) and her sister, Helga (also Demongeot).

Not to be mistaken for the Doctor Who song, "Doctor in Distress".

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Tropes in Distress:

• Accidental Misnaming:
  • A stone with Sir Lancelot's name engraved on it gives his last name as "Pratt" rather than "Spratt", much to his outrage.
  • Mr. Heilbronn calls Dr. Sparrow "Dr. Robin" the first time he meets him.
• Acquired Error at the Printer: The ceremonial stone Sir Lancelot is asked to lay has his name engraved on it. This wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that the master mason accidentally wrote "Sir Lancelot Pratt" rather than "Sir Lancelot Spratt".
• Added Alliterative Appeal:
  • When Dr. Sparrow mentions how Sir Lancelot doesn't know about ladies' hearts, he admits he does know about their lungs, their lights, and their livers.
  • Dr. Sparrow doesn't have a high opinion of Mr. Heilbronn, calling him a "midget movie magnate".
• Alliterative Name:
  • Sonja Stromberg.
  • Mr. Heilbronn's real name is "Harry Heilbronn".
• All There in the Script: Some characters' names aren't said in the film:
  • The patient in the bed next to Mr. Lewis is called "Grimes".
  • The patient at Banton House Nature Clinic & Retreat who annoys Sir Lancelot is called "Meyer".
  • Miss Steele's first name is "Rona".
  • Sir Lancelot's private investigator is called "Mr. Holly".
• Always Identical Twins: Sonja and Helga look exactly alike, helped by the fact that they are both played by Mylène Demongeot.
• Annoying Laugh: Rosie has a high-pitched manic giggle that gets on everyone's nerves except for the Australian sailor who fancies her.
• Artistic License – History: In-Universe; Dr. Sparrow complains about The Sorrows of Salome as Salome never made it to Rome in real life, but Delia doesn't care so long as she appears in the film.
• Bandage Mummy: One of the patients, Mrs. Roberts, has her entire face covered with bandages with only her eyes, nose, and mouth exposed.
• The Big Damn Kiss: The Australian sailor gives Rosie one after she agrees to marry him.
• Big Eater: After spending some time at Banton House Nature Clinic & Retreat to lose weight, Sir Lancelot sneaks out and goes to Mum's Diner for a meal of treble baked beans, treble fried bread, treble egg, and treble chips.
• Clothing Damage: Sir Lancelot rips his trousers when he tries to exit his car through the sunroof.
• Comically Missing the Point: When Gillibrand is examining Mrs. Parry, he asks her where she got her pain (meaning where on her body), only for her to recall that she got it in the kitchen.
• Continuity Nod: Two to Doctor in the House (1954) from Dr. Sparrow:
  • When he reassures Stuart not to let Sir Lancelot worry him too much, he recalls how Sir Lancelot threw the whole book at him, reminiscing on all the trouble he got into as a medical student.
  • When he tells the medical students that he'll be working with them until Sir Lancelot recovers, he tells one that he wants no questions about the bleeding time from him, referencing his own confusion on the topic.
• Cool Car: After returning from Italy, Delia now drives a crimson Maserati Sebring.
• Crazy Jealous Guy: Sir Lancelot becomes one in his quest to get Iris. When he tries to call her, but Tommy picks up the phone instead, his first thought is that he wants his head on a platter.
• Creator Cameo: The author of the original novels, Richard Gordon, once again appears as Stubbins, an anaesthetist.
• Cute Bruiser: Sonja is a pretty young girl but is much stronger than she looks and knows how to fight men who look much stronger than her. Her sister Helga is just the same according to her.
• Deadpan Snarker: Now that the two view each other as equals, Dr. Sparrow has no problem in taking the mickey out of Sir Lancelot:
  Sir Lancelot: You know... you're quite wrong to despise these old folk remedies. I've got a Maiden Aunt who swears by garlic. Never without a bit next to skin. I'm convinced that's why she's lived to be 92.
  Dr. Sparrow: Perhaps that's why she's still a maiden at 92.
• Drives Like Crazy: Sir Lancelot is a terrible road hog, refusing to let even an ambulance pass him by.
• Embarrassing Nickname: Sir Lancelot brings up one from his childhood in an attempt to get closer to Iris:
  Iris: What would you like me to call you? Just plain "Lancelot" or have you got some sort of a nickname?
  Sir Lancelot: Well as a matter of fact I have, but it hasn't been used since I was at school.
  Iris: May I share the secret?
  Sir Lancelot: Well, it's... "Porker".
  Iris: Yes, well, little boys can be very unkind. (Beat) And observant, too.
• Eye Scream: When Sir Lancelot opens his umbrella on the train, the woman sitting in the same compartment muses he could've taken her eye out.
• Faint in Shock: A nervous woman on the train faints when Dr. Sparrow tries to share a compartment with her.
• Fictional Document: True Tales of Love and Jealousy, which Sir Lancelot inspects at the railway station bookstall.
• First-Name Basis: Iris chooses to be on one with Tommy, as she's rather fond of him:
  Tommy: If anybody could do the trick, you could, Marchant, old girl! Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
  Iris: "Iris" is the moniker.
  Tommy: Oh, Iris!
• Florence Nightingale Effect: Tommy and Sir Lancelot both fall for Iris after she helps them with their physiotherapy.
• Garlic Is Abhorrent: Dr. Sparrow claims the reason Sir Lancelot's aunt is still a maiden at the age of 92 is due to the fact she is never without a bit of garlic next to her skin.
• Gasshole: Mrs. Parry suffers from wind, causing her to burp in front of Dr. Sparrow, Sister, and the medical students.
• Get Out!:
  • Sir Lancelot kicks out Dr. Sparrow when he suggests he's never been in love before:
    Sir Lancelot: Get out of my house, you miserable, bat-eared quack!
  • After breaking up with her boyfriend, Sonja kicks him out of her apartment rather violently by punching him in the face and watching him fall down the stairs.
• The Ghost:
  • Dr. Avery, who is asked for over the tannoy.
  • Nobby, a crane operator.
  • Blodwen, Owen, David, Dawn, and Caradog Parry, some of Mrs. Parry's children.
  • Mr. Lucas, Meyer's (incompetent) surgeon.
  • Ilse Stromberg, Sonja and Helga's sister.
• Gratuitous Italian: Delia and Dr. Sparrow greet each other with a "Ciao, caro" and a "Ciao" respectively upon her return from Italy.
• Help, I'm Stuck!: After kissing Iris in the Hampden Cross Hospital bathroom, Sir Lancelot sits in the sink and gets his rear end stuck in it. When Iris tries to free him, the hot tap is set off causing much discomfort.
• Hidden Depths: We learn a few of Sir Lancelot's in this film - namely his skill on the piano, he owns a butterfly collection, and that he is skilled in Judo.
• Hospital Hottie: Iris Marchant is two things - a physiotherapist, and attractive enough to warm even Sir Lancelot's cold heart.
• Immediate Self-Contradiction: Sir Lancelot refuses to let the Australian sailor and Rosie sit in the same First Class compartment as him and Dr. Sparrow... until he is offered some rum, and he is all for the idea.
• Inconsistent Spelling:
  • Tommy's last name is "French" on the DVD subtitles, but "Ffrench" in the script.
  • Mylène Demongeot's character is called "Sonja Stromberg" on the DVD subtitles and the film's trailer, but "Sonia Stronberg" in the script.
• In-Series Nickname: Tommy claims he was known as "Tiger" in Malaya.
• Jabba Table Manners: One of the men in Mum's Diner stuffs food into his mouth with reckless abandon, much to the disgust of Dr. Sparrow.
• Kindly Housekeeper: Sir Lancelot has Mrs. Clapper to do the cooking and cleaning.
• Laser-Guided Karma: Sir Lancelot refuses to let an ambulance overtake him when he is driving to Hampden Cross Hospital, even though the ambulance man is clearly desperate to get through. When Sir Lancelot gets trapped in his own parking space by cars that are too close for him to open his doors, that same ambulance parks behind him, while the ambulance man retorts that he'll have to wait for them now.
• Love Triangle: Iris is desired by both Sir Lancelot and Tommy.
• Maiden Aunt: On the topic of old folk remedies, Sir Lancelot tells Dr. Sparrow about his maiden aunt who always has garlic on her skin. Dr. Sparrow is convinced the garlic is why she's still a maiden.
• Massive Numbered Siblings: Mrs. Parry has so many children that she can't remember if she has nine or ten.
• Newspaper-Thin Disguise: Dr. Sparrow mistakes a man in Mum's Diner for Sir Lancelot hiding behind a newspaper. After some embarrassment, he moves over to the next table where he sees Sir Lancelot actually hiding behind a newspaper.
• No Full Name Given:
  • We don't get to know Rosie, Clive, or Johnny's last names.
  • The same can be said for Dr. Blacker, Mr. Bradby, Stuart, Gillibrand, Mrs. Parry, Miss Wick, Lady Willoughby, Mr. Lewis, Mrs. Clapper, Nurse Bossom, Mrs. Whittaker, Miss Minton, Mrs. Johnson, Mrs. Brown, and Mrs. Roberts' first names.
• Obfuscating Disability: Tommy pretends he is unable to use his legs to get closer to Iris, his physiotherapist. It seems the jig is up when he tries to attack Sir Lancelot in a fit of rage and is seen walking perfectly fine by Sir Lancelot, Dr. Sparrow, and Iris herself, but Iris just sees it as a miracle.
• Of Corsets Funny: Sir Lancelot buys a Diabolo corset to look skinnier, but it can't hold his stomach and bursts.
• Off with His Head!: Sir Lancelot remarks he wants Tommy's head on a platter when he calls Iris and hears his voice instead, seeing him as a romantic threat.
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business: When Sir Lancelot begins to cool down after falling for Iris, it causes alarm in his patients:
  Grimes: 'Ere, what's come over 'im? 'E used to swear at 'em all like blue murder.
  Mr. Lewis: There's something wrong... and I don't like it.
  Grimes: Nor do I. Makes me feel rotten.
• Pain to the Ass: When Sir Lancelot is stuck rear-first in a sink, the hot tap is accidentally switched on and burns his rear end.
• Parking Problems: When Sir Lancelot parks in his reserved space at Hampden Cross Hospital, the two adjacent cars are too close, and he is unable to open his doors. When he tries to reverse out, an ambulance parks behind him and forces him to wait until it is ready to move.
• Pintsized Powerhouse: Sonja is short and plucky yet has a killer right hook as her boyfriend finds out after she dumps him.
• Popping Buttons: Sir Lancelot's new Diabolo corset can't hold his girth and gives way, causing several of his buttons to spring off.
• Putting the "Medic" in Comedic: Lots of the film's humour comes from situations happening at Hampden Cross Hospital, such as Sir Lancelot seeing that Mr. Holly, the private investigator he hired, has been put to sleep for an operation and then trying to wake him up as he's paying him good money to do his job.
• Sequel Non-Entity:
  • Despite planning to marry Joy in Doctor at Large, she is nowhere to be seen in this film, and Dr. Sparrow is now quite a ladies' man.
  • Despite being married in the last film, Sir Lancelot falls for Delia, with no mention of what happened to Lady Spratt.
• Series Continuity Error: Despite retiring at the start of Doctor in Love, Sir Lancelot is now working at Hampden Cross Hospital with no mention of why he gave up his retirement.
• Sexy Secretary: Dr. Blacker has Miss Steele, a pretty young girl who wears short skirts and has a large bust.
• Shirtless Scene:
  • Sir Lancelot has one when Iris examines his back.
  • One of the extras in the steam room isn't wearing a shirt.
• Shout-Out: Delia hopes to appear in a film about Salome, while Mr. Heilbronn can't find a suitable John the Baptist to star in it.
• Shout-Out to Shakespeare: Mrs. Clapper refers to Sir Lancelot's Sleep Walking as a "Lady Macbeth routine".
• Show Within a Show: The Sorrows of Salome, one of Mr. Heilbronn's films that Delia hopes to appear in as a handmaiden.
• Sir Not-Appearing-in-This-Trailer: Donald Houston and Barbara Murray appear in the film's trailer, but aren't listed with the other stars, while Dennis Price isn't included at all!
• Sleep Walking: A side effect of falling in love with Iris is that Sir Lancelot has begun to sleepwalk around the house and even sleep-play the piano and sleep-swordfight!
• The Smurfette Principle: Out of all the medical students at Hampden Cross Hospital, there is only one female - Miss Wick.
• Special Guest: Mylène Demongeot as Sonja and Helga Stromberg.
• Stage Names: Mr. "Luther" Heilbronn's real first name is "Harry".
• Staircase Tumble: Sonja's ex-boyfriend falls down the stairs after she punches him in the face.
• Status Quo Is God: Sir Lancelot becomes a lot nicer once he falls in love with Iris. This doesn't last however, and by the end of the film he's back to his old grumpy self.
• Tagline: "It's that incurable Doctor team in their NEWEST and SAUCIEST!".
• Talk to the Fist: When she's kicking him out of her apartment, Sonja decks her ex-boyfriend in the face and sends him down the stairs.
• Took a Level in Kindness: After falling in love with Iris, Sir Lancelot becomes much more pleasant to be around and doesn't yell anymore, which makes his patients quite uncomfortable to be around.
• Twin Threesome Fantasy: Dr. Sparrow is attracted to Sonja and Helga, and luckily enough it seems the two lust over him too. However, the idea of a foursome with their sister Ilse is too much for him, so he slips out of the apartment when no one is looking.
• Tyop on the Cover: The Australian DVD misspells Leo McKern's name, calling him "Leop McKern".
• We Want Our Jerk Back!: After becoming noticeably nicer thanks to his infatuation with Iris, the patients at Hampden Cross Hospital don't appreciate his new behaviour and miss the old nasty Sir Lancelot.

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