And in the end, he never did figure out whether he would have been better off without her in his life. But he did realize one thing. Whether it be right or wrong, whether he loved it or hated it, he would always live or die by Asuka's smile.
When She Smiles is a Neon Genesis Evangelion drama/romance by Fresh C.
Humanity is rebuilding their civilization after Third Impact. Shinji Ikari and most of their friends have returned, but some of them have been badly affected by their experience. Asuka has lost their memories, and has deluded herself into believing "Asuka Langley Sohryu" is a doll she must take care of.
And Shinji is at a loss as to how to help her.
It can be read here
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Tropes:
- Adaptation Name Change: Due to this story being finished four years before her getting a canon name, Sakura Suzuhara is called Mari.
- After the End: Humans are returning from the Sea of LCL and rebuilding their civilization after the Third Impact.
- Amnesiac Hero: Asuka loses all her memories of her past life, and she never gets them back.
- Amnesiac Lover: Shinji gets upset over his dear Asuka being unable to remember anything about their previous relationship.
- Baby-Doll Baby: Due to severe trauma suffered during the Third Impact, Asuka believes one doll is herself.
- Bittersweet Ending: Asuka never recovers her memories, but she sets out to become a new person rather than obsessing with the past.
- Broken Pedestal: Hikari shares her fears and worries regarding Asuka's health with Shinji because she trusts him to not disappoint her. When she finds out he has lied to her about the nature of Asuka's illness, it ruins their relationship permanently.Only a handful of people exist that Hikari would be willing to share that sort of desperation with. There was a reason she was staring at him so openly and expectantly. As irrational as it may be, she somehow knew that he would not let her down. He would not leave her there feeling sad and depressed over the state of her friend, because that was just something Shinji was incapable of. Hikari trusted him to cut the dosage of desperation with a healthy portion of hope. And with her limited knowledge kept to a minimum by her non-connection to NERV, she had no way of knowing just how heavily her hope was laced with delusion.
- Calling the Old Man Out: Misato tries to dissuade Shinji from looking for Asuka when the younger girl escapes from the hospital. Infuriated, Shinji calls her out on never caring about her and wanting him around only because it made her feel good.
- Driven to Suicide: Discussed. Misato is frightened that someday Shinji will lock himself in his room and he will never come out.
- Freudian Slip: During their heart-to-heart talks, Misato expresses how glad she is that it is Shinji who is around instead of Asuka. She instantly takes it back and claims she didn't mean it like that, and Shinji says it is okay... but is clear he does not believe her, and later he makes clear he did not forget her words.She told Shinji these things and he was always listening. He was always there. And at some point, he stopped finding horrible things to tell her back. So he listened carefully and never interrupted. And whenever she looked at him he watched in amazement as her face transformed into something like love. The more terrible things she said the more he could see that she loved him. And the more she seemed to drink, the more things she was willing to freely share.
That's what ended it really. She was just drunk enough for the alcohol to be an excuse, but not quite enough for either of them to dismiss it as nonsense.
"I feel so alone," she said and she held onto him tight. "I'm so glad you're here. I don't think I could have taken it if it were Asuka and not you."
He broke away from her then and they both looked each other square in the eyes. Both their faces showed shock, but only Misato's showed fear.
"I'm sorry," she said and Shinji just stared at her and stared at her and stared.
"That came out all wrong," she said and it hurt how much he wanted to believe her. - Friendless Background: Misato confesses that her inability to help Shinji and Asuka is partially because she cannot go for advice to anyone: She hardly had any friends as growing up, and she has lost what few people she ever befriended.
- Get Out!: Hikari kicks Shinji out of her house when she learns he lied to her about Asuka having seizures:"Get out of my house," she said, her voice shaking with every word.
Shinji stared at her in shocked disbelief.
"Get out!" she yelled and he hastily pulled away from her apologizing profusely. - Heroic BSoD: Asuka suffers a breakdown when she tries to visit places and people her past self used to know to try to find herself...and she completely fails. She is unable to remember who she used to be.
- I Hate Past Me: Asuka loses her memories after the Third Impact. No matter how hard she tries, she cannot get them back, but she has the feeling that she dislikes her past, pre-amnesia self.Asuka: "She's a selfish little girl who only looks out for herself. But the irony is that she doesn't even like herself! She's rude, she's mean, and she's unkind. And she would throw any one of us under a bus to get what she wants. But she doesn't even know what she wants! And the things that she thinks she wants... she's too afraid to get them. She's a weak, cowardly, disgusting bitch! I hate her! Why do I have to be her?"
- Living Emotional Crutch: Subverted. Shinji had used Asuka to support himself emotionally, but later he decided that "putting all his hopes and dreams onto one person wasn't fair. It wasn't healthy, kind, or safe."
- Mood-Swinger: Asuka soon learns during her therapy seasons that she will not convince their doctors that she is making progress if her emotions are constantly and abruptly changing.No one can believe you when you're yelling wildly one moment, then claiming to be a person the next. There is no switch you can hit that will take you from being lost to being found. They humored me at first. Their words were soft and mocking. They asked me question after question. Analyzing and scrutinizing every word in every sentence.
- Parental Favoritism: Deconstructed. When Misato tries to stop Shinji from looking for a missing Asuka, Shinji calls her out on always favoring him over her...which, as far as he is concerned, means she did not really care for any of them.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Shinji explodes when Misato tries to dissuade him from searching for a missing Asuka:Shinji: "Shut up! You don't even like Asuka! You wouldn't tell me anything about what was happening or how she was doing! You don't care about anything I ever told you about her. You just wanted me there for yourself. You never cared about her and you never cared about me. So just leave me the Hell alone!"
- Shout-Out: Takashi, one of the inmates, is called Casper because he is so quiet, moves silently and walks through walls at night.
- When She Smiles: Asuka loses her memories and has a breakdown after realizing that she will most likely never get them back. It pains Shinji to see her hurting and he does not know how he can help her, but he knows "he [will] always live or die by [her] smile."
