"I AM LARD BEEPUS. THIS IS MY TRUSTY ASSISTANT, WHISPER. I LIKE TO /SCREAM/"
— Lard Beepus introducing himself to a group of baffled onlookers.
the story of lard beepus is a bizarre Dragon Ball Z Fan Fic starring the titular Lard Beepus and his Yokai butler WHISper. After accidentally blasting off to New Namek and being saved from New Frieza's army by a time-travelling warrior, they travel to a dismal future and meet several new friends. Together, they have to find out how to defeat the Shadow of Time, a mysterious villain causing devastation across countless timelines.
Meanwhile, there's still New Frieza on the loose, the Time Patrol from Dragon Ball Xenoverse investigating Lard Beepus's timeline, Future Puar grappling with loneliness and running his cooking show after losing his timeline's Yamcha, and some sort of business competition between Oolong's Weed Shack, Puar's Tobacco Hut, and Chiaotzu's Vape House.
It's one of those stories. Can be found here.
This fanfic contains examples of:
- Adaptational Badass: Subverted with Future Yamcha. He's considered incredibly cool by Lard Beepus and WHISper, he manages to scare off 398 of New Frieza's soldiers just by charging up his Wolf Fang Ultimate Blast, and his Future Wolf Fang Fist at least appears to be pretty impressive. But he does still end up dying to a horde of Saibamen early on.
- Aliens of London: Despite being a Saiyan on Planet Vegeta, Parsle speaks in some sort of nondescript "Southern" American accent.
- All Girls Want Bad Girls: Belle immediately develops a crush on Bad Launch on sight, and doesn't consider it a dealbreaker that Launch is willing to rob stores.
- Alternate Self: A lot, due to the time travel-filled plot. Future Puar and Tobacco Hut Puar, most present characters and their dark future counterparts, presumably Future Yamcha and Dark Future Yamcha, and possibly present Gorg... and Time Patrol Gorg...
- Alternate Timeline: Takes place in a very, very strange one to the main timeline of Dragon Ball, and others are involved by way of the Time Patrol.
- Artistic License – Biology: Tokitoki, a bird, can get rabies. Lampshaded and... justified(?) by the fact that only Tokitoki can get rabies.
- Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence: Lard Beepus intends to become a God of Destruction.
- The Baby of the Bunch: Lard Beepus is the youngest of any group he ends up in, and he's just a baby boy!
- Bad Future: Possibly more than one!
- Beige Prose: Almost all the time, constantly.
- Big Bad: The Shadow of Time, and to a lesser extent, New Frieza.
- Big Damn Heroes: Future Yamcha swoops in to save the day right before Lard Beepus and WHISper are attacked by New Frieza's new soldiers.
- Blatant Lies:
- The genre is Family/Crime, and one of the listed "major" characters is Master Roshi.
- Puar has rippling muscles.
- The author claims to be Akira Toriyama.
- The entire Lard Beepus fanfiction contest is made up, and was apparently announced back in chapter 13. No such thing had ever been mentioned beforehand.
- Brown Note: Lard Beepus's constant screaming is usually harmless, but at one point he accidentally kills several Namekians just by the sheer volume of his voice!
- Butt-Monkey: Both Future Trunks and Time Patrol Trunks come off as this, surrounded by people who range from silly to outright nasty to him and seemingly unable to do anything about it.
- Calling Your Attacks: So far only Future Yamcha has done it, but it is a Dragon Ball Z fanfiction, so there will likely be many, many more.
- Caps Lock: Both the author and Lard Beepus love this.
- Character-Magnetic Team: What begins as just Lard Beepus and WHISper explodes into a huge group of people all working together.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: At least half the Original Characters are this.
- Cosmic Keystone: According to Oolong, the universe's continued stability is dependent on the Weed Shack.
- Curb-Stomp Battle: The fight between Yamcha and the Shadow of Time.
- Deus ex Machina: The meteor that flies out of nowhere to hit baby Gorg...'s space pod out of the way, and incidentally knock Califler's pod into the sun.
- Disproportionate Retribution:
- Krillin murders Oolong for never being helpful.
- Even if it was really because of his rudeness to Lard Beepus, Oleracea using a quote from New Jeice ends in his wrist being broken.
- Dramatic Ellipsis: Gorg...'s name is spelled with an ellipsis, and pronounced with "a vibe of heavy finality."
- Edible Theme Naming: Much like in the source material, all Saiyans are named after vegetables.
- Evil Counterpart: Future Yamcha to Dark Future Yamcha, though whether or not their timelines have any relation or they've even met is unclear.
- Evil Overlord: The Shadow of Time rules over at least one ruined timeline.
- Fake Muscles: When Krillin doesn't see Puar's rippling muscles, he shapeshifts some on. Oolong is not impressed.
- For the Evulz:
- The Shadow of Time seemingly has no motivation, and outlawed fun.
- Eatshorts Nart blows up Kame House because she wants to cause trouble.
- Four Lines, All Waiting: The plot has a tendency to split into multiple plot threads, often up to five or six, rejoin a few, and then split off new ones.
- Gratuitous Japanese: The in-chapter title for chapter 19 is "the mirai future (it's not the past!)", but the index chapter title calls it "the future future" instead!
- Guns Are Worthless: This is the case for when the Great Forest Bandit tries to use a gun, but according to Launch her own gun can blow up a planet, so she handily averts it.
- Heroic Sacrifice: Future Yamcha.
- Hurl It into the Sun: How trash pods from Planet Vegeta work.
- Idiot Hero: Lard Beepus is this at times, not knowing very much about the world.
- Jerkass: Oleracea.
- Kid Hero: Lard Beepus is just a baby boy!
- Kick the Dog: When Lard Beepus mistakes present Yamcha for Future Yamcha, Oleracea decides to be incredibly harsh in correcting him.
- Last-Second Word Swap: Lard Beepus does this sometimes.
"i am just a baby boy who wants to become the new god of destruction"
"wait what"
"i just wanna get really strong"
- Meanwhile, in the Future…: Happens constantly over several time periods!
- Muscles Are Meaningless: Puar's rippling muscles don't do much of anything against Chiaotzu.
- Mysterious Past: Many of the new characters have no backstory at all, and Eatshorts Nart's backstory is incredibly vague and unhelpful.
- Names to Run Away from Really Fast: The Shadow of Time.
- No Indoor Voice: Lard Beepus and Eatshorts Nart.
- Non Sequitur: Right in the summary: "rest in peice disneyquest"
- Noodle Incident: Whatever happened during the Cell saga to make the androids become truckers.
- No-Sell:
- The Shadow of Time to both Future Yamcha's Wolf Fang Ultimate Blast and Future Wolf Fang Fist.
- Puar tries to attack Chiaotzu with his rippling muscles. It does nothing.
- Everyone to the Great Forest Bandit's bullets, expectedly.
- Oh, Crap!: "oh shit i just launched your firstborn into space"
- Painting the Medium: Shenron and Welchs both always speak in perfect spelling and grammar. For Shenron, it's to imply great power, and for Welchs... the author's intentions aren't really clear.
- Palette Swap: Lard Beepus is described and drawn as a small yellow version of Lord Beerus.
- Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Averted with Lard Beepus, who is actually rather frail and powerless.
- Punctuation Shaker: Gorg...'s name is spelled with an ellipsis.
- Recursive Fanfiction: At the end of chapter 27, the winners for a supposed "lard beepus fanfiction contest" are announced, but not a single one of the fanfics exist, and one of them doesn't even have to do with Lard Beepus!
- Running Gag: "HOLY SHIT" said _____. they will never ride nimbus again
- Saying Sound Effects Out Loud: Lard Beepus says "burble burble burble" while drowning in chapter 9.
- Shaped Like Itself: Lard Beepus's space pod was moving faster than something was really fast!
- Shout-Out: There are a few references to Dragon Ball Z Abridged here and there, and some characters are more closely characterized like their abridged counterparts than canon, such as Shenron.
- Signature Move: The Wolf Fang Ultimate Blast is Future Yamcha's future signature attack.
- Song Fic: Chapter 24 is a type two with Dark Future Yamcha and Future Puar unknowingly singing a duet with each other... this duet being This Grill Is Not A Home from Spongebob Squarepants.
- Spell My Name With An S: All characters names are prone to misspellings, but Lard Beepus's name has the most permutations out of everyone, which only get sillier as the story goes on. Lard Beepys, Lrad Bippus, Laord Bepsi, Lread Bepsise, Lard Beaaaaaaaaapu... the list goes on.
- Suspiciously Similar Substitute: New Frieza and his new soldiers on New Namek don't even try to pretend they're anything else.
- Time Machine: Both Gorg... and Future Trunks's group each have one, and it's possible others do too.
- Time Police: The Time Patrol.
- Took a Level in Badass: Future Yamcha is definitely this to past Yamcha. Also, every present character after the offscreen training sequence is implied to have done this - notably, Puar now has rippling muscles.
- Transplant: WHISper is a strange case. He's an original character, but he's also depicted as Whisper from Yo-kai Watch with the face of Whis. He's also referred to as a Yokai butler.
- Would Hurt a Child: Lard Beepus is repeatedly referred to as a "baby boy" so anyone who attacks him is potentially this.
