After a game of Magical Truth or Dare, the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team (minus anyone third year or younger) has to participate in their next Quidditch match entirely in the nude. No, they're not happy about this. Yes, it is magically binding. Hilarity Ensues, along with official naked calendars, fanclubs, and merchandise mocking Voldemort.
The story is presented in the form of M-mails (magical e-mail) between characters. It can be found here
on FanFiction.Net, or here on NoDignity.
Contains examples of:
- Actor Allusion: Oliver Wood signs one of his M-Mails as "The Bigger Staff". He was played by Sean Biggerstaff in the movies.
- Amazing Technicolor Population: Fred and George dye themselves blue with woad for the game.
- The Bet: When the news of the game show up, a bet starts running on Harry's measurements. Harry quickly ruins it by sharing them.
- Bigger Is Better in Bed: Harry, in the sense that his peers perceive him to be more attractive because of it. Ginny is very happy when he shares his measurements.
- Censor Box: During the naked photo shoot, Harry, Oliver and Viktor are under a spell that makes it look like they are wearing robes, with only the camera actually seeing through it.
- Covert Pervert: Hermione has been taking pictures of Ron naked.
- Fanservice: In-universe.
- Harry's fanclub is very happy about the terms of the match, and plan a special edition calendar featuring nude Harry. Harry shoots down the original plan by pointing out he's a minor, but makes up for it by taking over the plan and even inviting Oliver Wood and Viktor Krum.
- The three Chasers, upon learning that they're gonna have to go nude, decide to up the ante with a strip-tease.
- Foe Romance Subtext: Draco and Lucius Malfoy and Voldemort buy a copy of Harry's naked calendar.
- Groin Attack: McGonagall tells the team they can get a genitalia protection spell from her to avert any damaged caused by putting delicate equipment near a hard and fast-moving broom.
- Hourglass Plot: At the beginning of the story, the only Gryffindor players interested in the game are the twins, with everyone else demanding to concede the game. When the match comes, the twins are lamenting their choices and begging to concede the game while Harry and the Chasers embrace the entire thing.
- Hypocritical Humor:
- When Ginny becomes a tad too explicit about her attraction to Harry, Hermione expresses her disgust with her for mentally molesting him. Ginny fires back by pointing that Hermione has been taking naked pictures of Ron.
- For all her protestations, McGonagall also buys one of Harry's naked calendars.
- Irony: Hermione uses an anonymous account to confess to Ron about her taking naked photos of him because she likes him. Ron immediately asks Hermione how to find the owner of the account.
- Laser-Guided Karma: As the Chasers make it obvious how much they are planning to make the twins suffer, they attempt to throw Lee Jordan under the bus. This quickly backfires on them when the girls make sure Lee knows this.
- Lemony Narrator: Lee Jordan is once again the lemony announcer for the match.
- Log Fic: The majority of the fic takes place through M-mails exchanged between characters.
- Naked People Are Funny: Especially when they have to play Quidditch.
- Only Sane Man: Harry, at first. Then he decides to go along with the madness and mocks Voldemort.
- Reasonable Authority Figure: Dumbledore initially tries to stop the match when a miscommunication leads him to believe it might be played in a dangerous location. When everything is cleared up, he tells McGonagall to let the kids have their fun.
- Refuge in Audacity: When Harry decides to leave sanity behind, he goes full out and starts up a company to sell merchandise based on his mocking of Voldemort.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Harry tries to avoid the game by hiding out in the Chamber of Secrets. Ginny drags him back.
- "Shaggy Dog" Story: The actual nude Quidditch game lasts barely a handful of seconds.
- Shout-Out: Voldemort is a fan of Star Wars (or at least the Sith).
- Unusual Euphemism: Golden snitches.
- Villainous Breakdown: Voldemort has one after Harry starts mocking him.
