Fuck. Shit. Hell no. Damnit.
WHY
The singular piece of paper in his hand stated in bold print, "FIELD TRIP TO AVENGERS TOWER!"AKA, where Peter lived, ate, slept, and trained.His own house.His dad would most likely laugh his head off at Pyotr's situation.
Pyotr Romanov Barnes' improbable lifestyle. is a Marvel Cinematic Universe fanfic series written by ShiningEve.
This series can be read on Archive of Our Own here
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This fanfic provides examples of:
- Bring My Brown Pants: When Nat threatens Flash with a knife in his face, he pisses himself with fear. Peter suspected this happened and MJ later confirms it.
- Bullying a Dragon: What Flash does every day with Peter. Since both his parents are Avengers and Peter himself could kill him in several different ways, it is not until Flash finds out that not only what Peter not lying about his internship, but that his parents are a SHIELD agent, a former HYDRA assassin and Peter is on a first name basis with the Avengers does he truly fear for his life.
- Cassandra Truth: When Peter tells his class that the Winter Soldier and Black Widow are his parents, Flash openly denies this.Flash Thompson: No! I mean, I could entertain the idea that he was an intern, but that's impossible. I'm not an intern. I should be. I mean, I'm Flash Thompson! The smartest and coolest guy at Midtown High! But Penis saying he's the child of Avengers? Ha. Right. Hilarious. I'm cracking up right now.
- Gratuitous Russian: Since his first language is Russian, Peter frequently switches to Russian when he doesn't want his English speaking peers to know what he's saying (usually threats and cursing). He even tells Flash to his face that he can "kill [him] in over twenty ways with [his] shoelace" and Flash didn't even know it.
- Instant Fan Club: After Peter's parentage becomes public knowledge, a group of boys crowd around him asking if he wanted to see a movie with them. Peter sees right through it and pretends they aren't there.
- Mama Bear / Papa Wolf: It is when Flash tries to call Peter "Penis Parker" in front of them do Bucky and Nat drop everything and threaten him, outing Peter as their son to his entire class.
- Naturalized Name: "Peter Parker" is just an Anglicized name he wears when going to school as to keep his relations a secret. His real name is Pyotr Romanov Barnes.
- Related in the Adaptation: Peter Parker in this setting is the son of Bucky Barnes and Natasha Romanov.
- Tyke Bomb: In The Audi, it is mentioned that Peter learned to drive under Bucky's tutelage in Russia when they were both in HYDRA, meaning Peter himself was a HYDRA-agent younger than 15 years of age before they became members of the extended Avengers family.
- Unwanted Gift Plot: In The Audi, Tony up and gets Peter a brand new Audi as a "belated birthday gift" when he finds out that he and his parents were going to get an old Volkswagon as his first car. He claims that the Audi is the minimum quality of car that he will allow parked in his garage, though it might be because he likes Peter enough to spoil him a little.
- Would Hurt a Child: Bucky fires a warning shot inches from Flash's nose and Natasha brandishes a knife in his face, threatening to torture him to death if he continues to belittle her son.
