Policing Middle-Earth
is a The Lord of the Rings/Discworld crossover Fan Fic written by aotearoan.
The hopeless dreamers who proposed, selected, and constituted the Fellowship of the Ring needed one final ingredient added to the mix. The nine randomly selected, mutually antagonistic, bickering and reluctant heroes desperately required a practical-minded, tough, cynical, street-wise bruiser to gel them together and to get them working as a team.
It is said in the lore of Middle-Earth that of the original far-seeing stones, the Palantiri, six are now lost, one is in the hands of the enemy, Sauron, the mage Saruman has an eighth, and one is in the keeping of the Steward Denethor of Gondor.
Make that five lost stones.
One has made its mysterious way into the keeping of Havelock Vetinari, Lord Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, who has not passed over the opportunity to employ such a useful device in his ongoing quest to be the one man who knows more of what's really going on than anyone else. Having established contact, and acting as an advisor to Elrond, Galadriel and possibly other highly placed persons on middle-Earth, Vetinari provides that tenth person to the fellowship.
His name is Sam Vimes, and he is inclined to treat the War of the Ring with the same zero-tolerance "Breach of the Peace" attitude he took to the Leshp business.
See Vimes bring the Discworld's conception of Elves, trolls, and other sentient races, to clash with the rather purer and loftier Middle-Earth version.
The Discworld meets Middle-Earth and leaves it rather shell-shocked!
This fan work has examples of the following:
- Action Girl: Éowyn. Galadriel disapproves.
- Brawn Hilda: Eowyn. She is based on a Germanic archetype, after all, and has more than a little Valkyrie about her.
- Can't Argue with Elves: Doesn't stop the others trying.
- Deadpan Snarker: Sam Vimes. Other cast members on occasion, i.e. Gandalf.
- Elves Versus Dwarves: Gimli and Legolas.
- Granola Girl: Galadriel - appearance wise, at least. What else would characterise somebody who lives in a tree in a forest and seeks to be at one with Nature?
- Hypocritical Humour: Galadriel, of all people, saying she doesn't believe in strong female characters.
- Mrs. Robinson: Galadriel, when she starts using the mirror to lech over Carrot. He is possibly thirty. She is at a conservative guess at least eight thousand years old.
- Refuge in Audacity: Vimes tries to arrest the Watcher in the Water. It doesn't work.
- Screw You, Elves!: Gimli. And others.
- The Stoner: Legolas.
- Stoners Are Funny: Legolas.
