Fanfic / Maximum Paradise Driver

Maximum Paradise Driver is a fanfic written by Ironypus.

The premise of the fic is a Bleach parody with a deliberate self-insert, but it crosses over with many other fictional universes and can get very wacky at times; Poe's Law must be kept in mind while reading.

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Contains examples of:

• A God Am I: Simon exclaims this before merging with Cthulhu.
• Alien Sky: London, where the entirety on Boners Ahoy takes place, is perpetually over cats and has sixteen faceless moons.
• A Wizard Did It: Saiga/Rukia and Ichigo don't freeze to death while flying through the stratosphere because Saiga/Rukia "was a wizard".
• Amusement Park: Ichigo, Minato, Konan, and Saiga all go to the Amusement Park 'Pastures Green' which is revealed to actually be R'yleh.
• And That's Terrible: Lady Hawke invokes this when Ichigo tells her about a man with fourteen penises.
• Badass Boast: Tom Riddle has a good one in The Revenge of Mr Monopoly
  Tom: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. I will find you, and I will kill you.
• Bare-Handed Blade Block: Saiga/Rukia, under the power of his flames of lust.
• Big Good: Nigel Thornberry the Dickspider fulfills this role, he starts out as a random chance monster for Saiga to test his powers on but ends up becoming described as:
  "It was a thing from whatever force of absolute good reigned supreme, unnoticed, over all. This dickspider was incorruptible, it was pure, it was invincible."
• Bizarrchitecture: The block of flats Duke Murderfist lives in.
• Black Comedy Rape: The Six Legged Rape Elephant. Six legs, four arms, all rapist. And a very good mimic.
• Body Horror: Tomothy Riddle's penis possesses an evil goatee and lets out hearty "MWahaha's."
• Book Burning: A duffel bag full of used Fifty Shades of Grey copies are burnt.
• Boys' Love: A main, and driving, part of the plot is the romance between Ichigo and an Original Character named Saiga.
• Breath Weapon: Cthulhu can shot Frickin' Laser Beams out of his mouth.
• Butt-Monkey: Ichigo on the side of the "good" guys and Zoidberg on the side of the bad guys.
• The Cameo: Deckard Cain has two lines warning Saiga about the Wretched Mothers and the dangers of using Ghost type attacks against Dark type monsters. There are also many more, but way too many to count.
• Cannot Keep a Secret: Vernon Dursley blurts out that his nephew is a wizard to complete strangers.

• Cloudcuckoolander: Ritsuko, of all people.
• Crack Fic: Of the "so crazy it no longer makes sense" variety. Then again, it was spawned in TV Tropes' very own Naruto discussion thread.
• Crazy Jealous Guy: Saiga/Rukia is intensely jealous of Ichigos budding relationship with Lady Hawke.
• Crossover: Maximum Paradise Driver crosses Bleach with many different fictional universes and Real Life.
• Curb-Stomp Battle: Walter, Eragon, Zoolander and Chewbacca never had a chance.
• Department of Redundancy Department: You bet.
• Determinator: Saiga/Rukia will be together with his precious "Kurosaki-kun", no matter what.
  • He forces himself back into consciousiness during the fight with Dickspider through "sheer, unadulterated force of will".
• Dirty Old Man: Yoda. In spades.
• Domestic Abuser: Saiga treats horribly his boyfriend Ichigo, to the point of there being constant bruises on his skin. For the sake of his "romantic" fantasy, Saiga deludes himself into ignoring them. It's implied Saiga has kidnapped Ichigo.
• Dream Sequence: Gives Saiga/Rukia the resolve needed to live and defeat Dickspider, despite making very little sense.
• Eldritch Abomination:
  • C'thulhu is quite obviously one of these, causing Ichigo and Saiga to fail their SAN checks.
  • Nigel Thornberry the Dickspider also works as one of these, first being described as "Its head was one of Nigel Thornberry. Its body dick with the head of Thornberry attached to the heads eye and the eight spider legs spread down the shaft. Its cold fusion reactor spewed thrust out the nether twixt the balls." Before ending up being described with a passage ripped word for word from Skulduggery Pleasant: The Faceless Ones.
  • Robert Pattinson.

• Energy Weapon: Dickspider is able to fire beams made of arcane energy and Jesus can shoot a prayer beam from his nostrils.
• Ephebophile: Orochimaru and the large man on the school bus.
• Even Evil Has Standards: Played with. Saiga/Rukia calls SS 3 space Hitler "a dick" for ripping Ichigo's arm off and beating him with it. But only because Ichigo couldn't give him "two handed handjobs" anymore.
  • In Boners Ahoy, even Saiga is freaked out at the way he's supposed to kill Duke Murderfist, but he agrees to it anyway.
• Everybody Has Lots of Sex: The named characters really get around, without regard for existing canon relationships.
• Everything Sounds Sexier in French: The french guiding lady in The Revenge of Mr Monopoly.
• Fascinating Eyebrow: Saiga and Sir Cockwell have a conversation formed entirely of these.
• Friendly, Playful Dolphin: Subverted. The dolphins in The Revange of Mr Monopoly are described as "vile creatures"... which is true, considering they are rape dolphins.
• Gatling Good: Jesus and his mini gun that shoots "juicy cocks at a rate of 10000 cps".
• Gender Bender: Saiga, randomly changing from a male who insists on being called Rukia to actually being another Rukia.
• Golem: The partly flesh, partly clay Sir Cornish made by Ichigo's magic and force powers and Hawkes blood magic.
• Gratuitous French: Space Hitler, along with Saiga, love to spit out phrases such as "puissant! Jaccuse! Jamappele le poisson! Le poisson" or "tu le mondl, je suis desiree."
• Gratuitous Japanese: Everything that comes out of Tobi's mouth.
  • And then there is the author himself.
• Handshake Substitute: Saiga uses the Fist Bumping variety. And does it with pretty many people, including Vernon Dursley's mustache.
• Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?: Nearly every line of dialogue delivered by Eragon is comprised of this.
• His Name Is...: Finn dies before he can say thaaaaat person's name.
• Incredibly Lame Pun: Gendo makes an awful one in The Revenge of Mr Monopoly.
  Gendo: I don't know who you are but you're getting on my NERVes.
• Insane Troll Logic: Saiga combines the fact that Ichigo has been missing for a fortnight with the fact that Roxroy is the best name ever to come to the conclusion that it has all been a plot to destroy Ireland. This makes him realise he has to go buy some chickpeas.
• The Igor: Bill Bailey serves as one.
• Jerkass: Most characters, but Saiga/Rukia stands out.
• Kick the Dog:
  • Saiga's/Rukia's treatment of Ichigo is full of these.
  • And then there is SS3 space Hitler crushing the head of a waitress and tearing Ichigo's arm off and then beating him with it just because he was a little pissed.
• Laughing Mad: Both Spudz and Saiga in The Revenge of Mr Monopoly... at the same time.
• Lust: Saiga's/Rukia's main motivation.
• Mad Scientist: Dr. Frankenitachi resurrects a 'new strain of Super-Sasuke' for questionable reasons.
• More Dakka: Jesus and his cock shooting minigun.
  • In Boners Ahoy, the protagonists use this Trope against the Dongbies.
• Mood Whiplash: One moment Saiga and Sir Cockwell are calmly discussing expenses, and the next they're spitting insults in rage. And then they are suddenly calm again.

• Obviously Evil: Tomothy 'tomo' Riddle is noted to be this by Saiga due to his black clothing and goatee.
• Oireland: Roy, a man who chuckles potatoes and speaks amid showers of guinness.
• Only Sane Man: T-rex. Not even he knows why he's hanging out with the evil Space Jew Council.
• Our Dragons Are Different: Zoolander the Fagon. He is mentioned to have a 'hydra back', be immune to Ghost type attacks due to being a Dark type monster, breathe fire shaped like 'Blue Steel bats with knees' and have a 'vajayjay'.
• Our Liches Are Different: Sasuke is ressurected as one by his brother. His phalactery is a cockring. Sasuke is most displeased.
• Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: Quite a few, but this one stands out:
  Saiga/Rukia: We've got six hours to kill, so... it's time to duel so come and get your game on because I am kicking this duel into overdrive EXTREME!
• Say My Name:
  • "Diiiickspiiiiider Thoooornbeeerrrrry!!!!!!"
  • "DICK SPIDER!"
  • "BLARGHARG!"
• Secret Test of Character: Duke Murderfist does this to every person who wants to see him. He claims that everyone who wants to talk to him needs to survive a deadly tittyfuck. One must decline though, because he thinks that no real man would do this to his genitals. Kakuzu and Orochimaru pass this test in Boners Ahoy.
• Sex Slave: The Dursleys acquire thirty six for their son, Dudley's, birthday.

• Space Jews: Deliberately invoked. It is strongly hinted they're from the Star Wars universe.
• Stockholm Syndrome: Ichigo is reluctant to leave Saiga at first due to this, but ends up attempting to murder him in revenge after they are separated before falling straight back in when they meet up due to 'training'.
• Superdickery: A very... literal case when it comes to what Ichigo does to Lady Hawke in Bonery Ahoy.
• Surrounded by Idiots: Rossamund of the evil Space Jew council exclaims this. And considering the other members, it's justified.
• Token Good Teammate: T-rex of the evil Space Jew Council.
  T-rex: I do my best not to be a crazy racist.

• The Dandy: Or so indicate his frilly neckerchief, tight pantaloons and powdered wig
• Villain Protagonist: Saiga is a thoroughly nasty piece of work, yet is the main character working for a very bad man; Super Sayain Three Hitler. But his mission is to wipe out the equally evil Space Jew Council.
• Violence Really Is the Answer: Invoked by Hawke, who thinks that beating Ichigo half to death is the only thing that could save his soul from Diablo.
• Worthy Opponent: Ichigo sees Jesus as this.
• Wrong Genre Savvy: Oh, Rukia... you certainly would be savvy in most other worlds, it's too bad that you live in this kind of world.
• Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: How Harry Potter speaks all of the time, for example, "Whyfoth we muste skewer you upont the fountain of magik!"
• Zombie Apocalypse: The Dongbies. Like Zombies, but actually really not. More like walking penises of normal human height who "infect" their victims in a very... interesting way.

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