Just a Random Tuesday... is a Harry Potter Fan Fic by Twisted Biscuit
, found here.
Set during Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, it tells the story of a Tuesday in the life of one Minerva McGonagall, and how she contends with Dolores Umbridge, being questioned by Aurors, Dumbledore's absence, and a dearth of Hot Cocoa.
It's also a series of Funny Moments from beginning to end.
Contains examples of:
- Abhorrent Admirer:
- A drunken Trelawney serenades Snape while trying to kiss him, while Snape does all he can to keep her away from him.
- June Jewkes, an employee at the Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes, has her eyes on Fred and is constantly clinging on him. Minerva saving him from her advances causes him to almost deify her in response.
- A Rare Sentence: "You gave me girly hair!" and "I'm a Death Eater, damn it!"
- Belligerent Sexual Tension:
- Snape and Sinistra are constantly hurling abuse at each other, but Minerva's comments about their interactions suggests that their relationship is passionate in other ways as well. Minerva even describes Sinistra as one of Snape's most trusted confidants, along with Dumbledore.
- Likewise, Malfoy's harassment of Daphne almost always leads to them getting into violent fights and Volleying Insults. Malfoy does have a crush on Daphne, even though she most assuredly do not reciprocate.
- "Blackmail" Is Such an Ugly Word: After witnessing the compromising exchange between Snape and a drunken Trelawney, Minerva threatens to pass the story to Sinistra unless Snape agrees to cover for her when she sneaks out of Hogwarts to meet Emmeline. When Snape accuses her of blackmail, Minerva retorts, "'Blackmail' is an ugly word. I prefer 'extortion'."
- Body Horror: A not-very-bright Ravenclaw tries to turn himself into an eagle and ends up with feathers and hollow bones. Afterwards Minerva comments that it's just as well no Slytherin has tried to turn themselves into a snake, as the main side-effect of cold-bloodedness in humans is death.
- Deadpan Snarker:
- Minerva. The entire fic consists of her drily sarcastic observations of what is happening in Hogwarts under Umbridge's rule.
- Ron, too. When Umbridge tells him to tell Hermione she won't pass any of her DADA assignments:Ron: I'm sure that'll keep her up at nights, when she has nothing but her straight O's in every other subject imaginable to comfort her.
- Do Wrong, Right: Minerva tells the seventh-year Gryffindors (Lee Jordan and his friends) to be more creative in defying Umbridge than simply pretending to be sick during her classes.Minerva: So from now on, take it in turns to fall ill and have the decency to stay in class long enough to drive the woman insane. I mean honestly, the least you could do is stand your ground for a few hours a week. Ask her difficult questions or... ask her moronic questions, or insult her, or 'accidentally' spill destructive potions out of your bag in her classroom, or turn up for class in sandwich-board that says 'Umbridge is an idiot! Gryffindors against toads!' while ringing a bell. I mean honest to God, you could at least be inventive!
- Dramatic Irony: Emmeline wonders whatever happened to Tom Riddle. Minerva notes that she could have told her, in detail, exactly what happened to him.
- Exact Words: Minerva tells Peeves to be creative while destroying Umbridge's cushion. He does just that.
- Extremely Short Timespan: The story has a 50,000+ word count (for comparison, that's about 3/4 the length of the first novel), and everything happens within one ridiculously long day. Minerva lampshades this in the second chapter when she recalls something she did in the first and remarks that it felt like a long time ago.
- Foodfight!: Played with. After Peeves throws a mixture of smoke bombs and Leaping Lunch potion to the Great Hall during lunch time, the students who get hit by the jumping food start to accuse each other of throwing food at them and retaliate with various spells. While most of the people inside the room ended up covered in covered in food pulp, none of the participants in the fight actually threw food at each other.
- Love Dodecahedron: Discussed when Minerva is talking with Theodore Nott, and the latter reveals a tangled web of romance between many of the fifth year students. Both Nott and Malfoy are interested in Daphne Greengrass, who only sees the former as a friend and dislikes the latter. Daphne Greengrass tried to set-up Nott with Susan Bones, but Nott refuses because Blaise Zabini has a crush on Susan, while Susan wouldn't go out with Blaise because Mandy Brocklehurst is interested in him. Mandy herself used to date Anthony Goldstein, but both have since broken up and Anthony is now seeing Hannah Abbott, despite the fact that Terry Boot is after her. After failing to get Hannah, Terry now has his attention on Pansy Parkinson, who of course only has eyes for Draco Malfoy. Minerva gets a headache trying to compute all this.
- Loving Bully: Draco develops a crush on Daphne after noticing that She Is All Grown Up and starts harassing her.
- Once Done, Never Forgotten: Snape and Sinistra frequently brings up the other's past embarrassment during their usual Volleying Insults. Snape brings up Sinistra's apparent inability to defend herself against iguanas five years ago, and Sinistra retaliates with an incident where Snape made a first year cry.Sinistra: Oh, for heaven's sake! It's been five years! Will you ever let that go? [...]
Snape: I only made that girl cry once! Why do people fixate on it? - Not So Above It All: As severe and dignified as Minerva is, there are times where she engages in what she herself would consider "childish pranks", or encourages the act (e.g. removing the protective charms around the pipeline above the DADA classroom so that Peeves can burst the pipe when Umbridge is around, telling her seventh-year Gryffindor students to be more creative in provoking Umbridge, etc.).
- She Is All Grown Up: Daphne has apparently grown more beautiful over the previous summer holidays, and Draco starts picking on her to hide his budding crush towards her.
- Shipper on Deck: Downplayed. After hearing about Malfoy and Daphne, Emmeline thinks the two would make a good couple. Minerva disagrees, saying that Daphne could do better than Malfoy and prefers to see her go out with Nott.
- Shout-Out: Trelawney, while drunk, serenades Snape with a rendition of "My Favourite Things".
- Tyrant Takes the Helm: Umbridge is Headmistress of Hogwarts during the story. The main plot is driven by everyone else's efforts to get rid of her.
