'No One In Particular' with middle-aged Harry Potter
Harry Potter and No One In Particular
is the other sequel to Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash... and is just as bizarre as its predecessors.
It's 2021. The wizarding world is incorporating Muggle media and technology, and the Ministry of Magic is experimenting with mixed wizard-Muggle settlements. Imagine, if you will, an older Harry Potter, middle-aged now, dealing with an addiction to magic potions, his dead-end job at the Ministry of Magic, his teenage children, his snarky assistant Mavis, his midlife crisis, borderline alcoholism, the ongoing wars, and the supposed death of one Hermione Granger, the suspicion that an old friend has become the new Dark Lord, that everyone has secrets and plans and secret plans... and how about this mysterious woman whose been plaguing Harry Potter's dreams, the one with a crescent moon scar upon her cheek? Now imagine it was all in the style of a Film Noir as written by David Lynch. That is Harry Potter And No One In Particular.
Unlike previous entries in the canon of computer-written Harry Potter fanfiction, No One in Particular was written mostly with the help of GPT2, rather than Botnik. Co-written and edited by Smashiell, best known for his animated adaptation of Portrait of Ash. Also notable for being, unlike its siblings, almost coherent. Almost.
You can read the text version here.
The playlist can be found here.
Beware! Unmarked spoilers ahead!
"Aunt Petunia was sitting in the kitchen with her son Dudley, watching the television and drinking coffee laced with milk from a cow that had died three days earlier.":
- Adapted Out: Save for James Sirius and Rose, all of Harry's kids and as well as those of Ron and Hermione are absent (although Ron does allude to Harry having "kids" in the plural).
- Addled Addict: Harry is heavily addicted to "magic potions", and the effects of the potions are partly responsible for the Mind Screw-iness of the fic, while another is the magic and an autoimmune disorder shared by a few characters.
- The Alcoholic: Actually a lot of characters. A minor subplot deals with Ron addressing his alcoholism, Harry's also a borderline alcoholic, Mavis routinely comes to work hungover, and Mr. Painspiel, Harry's boss, apparently drinks scotch in the morning. A "pervasive culture of daytime drinking" thrives in the Ministry of Magic, which boasts numerous cheap in-house bars, and excessive alcohol consumption is considered totally normal.
- Alcohol-Induced Idiocy: Chapter 4 starts with Harry and Ron, drunk in a goblin bar, refusing to pay for their drinks, dancing on a table, singing a bizarre 80s New Wave song and being heckled by the dumbfounded staff, before Harry grabs Ron and slams him through the table, then throws himself through another one.
- Bad Impressionists: For whatever reason, Voldemort presents his cooking show Voldemort's Lamb Farm while doing a bad impersonation of Hagrid. It makes just as much sense in context.
- Bilingual Bonus: When we learn Mavis went to Beauxbatons, Harry asks if she speaks French. She proceeds to demonstrate, telling Harry, in several paragraphs of perfect (untranslated) French, about her time at Beauxbatons, during which she spent most of her time crying about merciless bullying for being tall, thin and English. This has little bearing on the plot, if any.
- Came Back Wrong: Hermione is not dead, but her new autoimmune disorder shared with Yvette that makes her allergic to magic, and putting her in the dissociative state from a curse that polymorphs her into Mitsuko Burselfly, creating the alter ego 'No One in Particular' causes her absence.
- Inverted with Voldemort, who came back as a peace-loving cooking show host who wishes no harm for anyone.
- Casual Kink:
- Neville and Hannah are engaged in an "open marriage" and do not shy away from polyamory, even trying to involve other people in their endeavors.
- Harry apparently has a thing for tavern wenches, reading a pornographic magazine with that theme in public.
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Defictionalization: Wondered what Ron's "Crazy Whale" hit single was like? Wonder no longer. Now featuring 100% less whales.- And then there's the New Wave hit, Nuclear Voodoo by Billy Boglam and the Sooty Bears.
- And then there's the New Wave hit, Nuclear Voodoo by Billy Boglam and the Sooty Bears.
- Cut Lex Luthor a Check: Voldemort established himself as a pretty successful cooking show host.
- Darker and Edgier: In contrast to Rowling's young adult novels, this fanfic is a gritty and somewhat vulgar Lynchian Noir. Aside from descriptions of depressive and washed up mood of characters, there are quite a few erotic scenes and the characters are considerably more foul-mouthed as well.
- Face–Heel Turn: Neville Longbottom of all people has become an intimidating (and petty) head of a secret criminal organization (revived Ethical Death Eaters).
- Gender-Blender Name: None of Soma's given names have been feminine.
- Glory Days: Harry calls his office "Hogwarts", suggesting he's never gotten over his days as The Hero. Made all-but-explicit in Chapter 4.
- Homophobic Hate Crime: As opposed to Muggle Britain in 2021, where homosexuality is a non-issue to most people, the wizarding community is suffering a rising tide of homophobia, and ''something'' - heavily implied to be unspeakably unpleasant - was done to Billy Boglan.
- Humanity Ensues: Jules was once a Dementor of all things! And he has the scars to prove it.
- Love Dodecahedron: It's not so much a question of who is sleeping together, but a question of who hasn't slept together.
- My Fist Forgives You: In the second chapter, Ron punches Harry in the face before forgiving him.
- Name and Name: The title, not that it's obvious at first.
- Remember the New Guy?: Most of the new characters are given sufficient context for their relation to the canon characters (Mavis is Harry's assistant, for instance), but Yvette is suddenly introduced partway into chapter 3 as though Harry always knew her, even though there's no indication of why he would, especially given she is later revealed to have been trapped inside Harry's glass rabbit for years before he inadvertently freed her.
- The Reveal: Turns out Draco Malfoy was a muggle-born. And a Test Tube Baby to boot. The Opposite-Sex Clone of Yvette. Yes.
- Seinfeldian Conversation: Harry, Ron, and Soma have a lengthy conversation on the proper mindset to have when drinking real and imaginary tea. It is treated as very serious in the moment, and it may yet prove to be plot-relevant, but it certainly feels like this trope in the moment.
- Shout-Out: In chapter 7, Harry recalls dating a vampire girl with limpid blue eyes.
- Some Call Me "Tim": "Soma Yukihira" is not her actual name, , it's actually Hermione Granger she just thought it was a better way to address her than as "No One In Particular" (and only after Harry refused to believe that she was called "Harry Dursley"). Her original name was Mitsuko Burselfly.
- Split Personality: Soma is implied to have one when she confronts Ron in the music shop, however it is confirmed in the final chapters with her dissociative state.
- Spy Fiction: Lots of hushed conversations, and Harry's boss wants him to infiltrate the reformed Death Eaters. Definitely the "stale beer" flavor.
- The Unpronounceable: One of Ron's cousins was named after the sound a whale makes when it attacks, so it can be safely inferred their name is this.
