"The Coalition states for the record that it considers Her Imperious Condescension, Empress of Alternia and its conquered territories a Criminal, a Liability to her own people, an immature brat unfit for power, a Crazy Old Bat and an Abuser, and we do hereby charge her with Corruption, Corruption of Minors, Exploitation, Exploitation of Minors, Slavery, Slavery of Minors, Indoctrination, Indoctrination of Minors, Violation of the Prime Directive and Violation of seventy percent of the Chart of Universal Rights for the Sapient Species, and we declare to unanimously hold her in Contempt."
—Jane Dargason, Queen of Skaia
The Golden Age
is a series of Homestuck fanfics written by elanor_pam, author of Cultstuck.
The Alternian Empire has finally stumbled upon an enemy tougher than they are. For the first time in troll history, they've found themselves against a foe that they can't overrun and whose technology far outshines their own. Fortunately for trollkind (if not for the Condesce), that enemy is none other than the United Galaxies, a near utopian society that is willing to offer asylum to any troll who wishes to defect.
Think the Federation, Homestuck-style.
So far the series contains the following completed stories:
- First Contact: Jane Dargason, Queen of Skaia, Chairwoman to the United Galaxies and Representative of the Coalition of the Free Systems appears onboard a troll ship to personally offer asylum to any who wish to defect. A brief one-shot introducing the series' world.
- The Great Escape: Karkat and some forty other trolls are kidnaped by pirates to be sold as slaves. The kids band together to try to stay alive in the hellish conditions aboard the pirate ship, but things look bleak. Until, that is, they are saved by a United Galaxy crew. Can Karkat trust these people? Culture shock ensues.
- Dream Sequencer: Following the events of The Great Escape, Karkat attempts to adjust to what happened, both physically and mentally.
- (i'll see you on) the other side, the chronologically first story, which shows the beginning of the Alternian Empire's eventual end.
The following stories are in progress:
- Stillness of Hours, the chronologically fifth story, detailing what happened after Karkat starts recovering from ''Dream Sequencer''.
Not to be confused with the Marvel/DC fanfic The Golden Age, the Elseworlds comic The Golden Age, or Berserk: The Golden Age Arc.
The Golden Age contains examples of:
- All There in the Manual: The author has provided a lot of commentary on her tumblr.
- Badass Boast: Courtesy of Commander Keelus as he prepares to take on the Alternian Empire's attack."In this civilization, in our civilization, a helmsman commands his own ship!"
- Bad Boss: A common problem within the Alternian Empire. This is stated to be one of the reasons why they're struggling against the United Galaxies, who have a much more forgiving leadership structure.
- Big Damn Heroes: Queen Jane shows up to repel the Alternian attack at the end of The Great Escape.
- Big Good: Queen Jane, as chairwoman to the United Galaxies.
- Cool Starship: The Singularity, especially compared to the junkier, less-advanced ships of the Alternian Empire. In fact, most if not all of the United Galaxies ships qualify.
- Curb-Stomp Battle: The United Galaxies are superior in both technology and experience to the Alternian Empire, so if they actually went to war, they'd crush the trolls easily. However, they want the trolls to join them of their own free will, and there's a problem with that- namely, the fact that the Condesce would never willingly join or concede defeat, so if she at any point decides that she's cornered with no way out, she'd likely trigger the Vast Glub, which would wipe out the majority of trollkind and effectively doom the race to extinction.
- Dream Land: A variant in Dream Sequencer- they're asleep, but the dream is a simulation designed to help those in the sim process and come to terms with the trauma they've experienced.
- Drop Pod: Used by the Condesce's forces during the attack on Excelsis-Five. Unfortunately for the soldiers within, their falls were repeatedly interrupted by the various shields surrounding the planet, leading to a far less dignified landing.
- Even Evil Has Standards: The difference between "minor assholes" and "major assholes", according to Lieutenant Commander Vareni, and one of the reasons a lot of troll pirates are willing to work with the UG over the empire.
- Sure, pirates will happily make a buck wherever and whenever they can, but most of them aren't too keen on selling children as sex slaves.
- The Federation: The United Galaxies is a peaceful coalition of at least four separate species (counting the trolls outside the Condesce's control) that spans multiple galaxies. This is in direct constrast to the far less benevolent Alternian Empire.
- Foreshadowing: Most of Karkat's dreams before meeting John in Dream Sequencer have him doing something that involves using his hands. Because his arms and a foot got blown off in The Great Escape, and he's been given new ones that are being calibrated.
- Heroic BSoD: Karkat spends some time having one after waking up in Stillness of Hours.
- Heroic Sacrifice: Twitchy dies saving Karkat from falling debris during the Condesce's attack on Excelsis-Five.
- The High Queen: Jane, Queen of Skaia, is a slightly more prankstery variation.
- Hope Spot: Twitchy survives the pirate ship and gets medical treatment, with the doctors telling Karkat that he'll be fully healed in a sweep. He's also told that the United Galaxies have good enough medical technology that they can bring anyone back as long as the brain's intact. Then during their escape from the Condesce's army on Excelsis-Five, Twitchy is crushed under a support beam, and his brain can't be saved.
- Hot-Blooded: Commander Auriga Keelus of the Galactic Police Vessel Singularity. The author even labels him as such on her tumblr.
- Hurt/Comfort Fic: While the first story has some shades of this, The Great Escape brings it to the forefront.
- Killed Off for Real: Twitchy/Mui.
- List of Transgressions: See the quote on the top of this page.
- Nice Guy: Wrathtor/Eudora Kalhil, who's one of the genuinely nicest trolls in existence.
- The Spiceler, despite being an ancient sea-dweller, is also incredibly nice, and leads a faction of other nice trolls who want to stamp out the practice of child sex-slaves, by killing pirates and buyers and doing their best to rehabilitate the children.
- Noodle Incident: John and the beta kids apparently managed to teleport the Earth to another location.
- Numbered Homeworld: Planets Excelsis-One through Five.
- Off with His Head!: The pirate captain has the pirate ringleader's head cut off for disobeying orders. He then has the head thrown into the kids' cell.
- Parental Incest: Heavily implied with a kid in one of the dreams Karkat has.
- Pstandard Psychic Pstance: Done by Lieutenant Commander Cadrat Vareni when the Alternian Empire attacks. Karkat Lampshades it.
- The Reveal: (i'll see you on) the other side reveals that the Condesce is a mutant. Specifically, she's part of a very small group of sea dwellers who lack a certain number of tastebuds- the Alternian equivalent of trolls who like cilantro, while almost every other troll tastes soap.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: After realising that Twitchy/Mui is dead, Karkat decides that he's had enough of the simulation and gets Sam to let him out early.
- Shell-Shocked Veteran: After the events of The Great Escape, Karkat spends the first part of Stillness of Hours mentally and emotionally wrecked from the experience.
- Shiny-Looking Spaceships: The entire United Galaxies fleet is comprised of sleek, high-tech examples of this trope, in direct contrast to the dirty, less advanced ships used by the Alternian Empire.
- The Smart Guy: Zellie/Water Girl, who's always on top of the situation and thinks of all the contingencies.
- Space Pirates: There are quite a few type-one examples in the Alternian Empire. Karkat and company are kidnapped by a crew of them.
- The Speechless: Nearly all carapacians are born without vocal cords.
- Stupid Evil: The Condesce. According to both canon and
Word of God, she views the Coalition as a bunch of lying, sneaky cheaters who she hasn't beaten yet only because her troops and officers aren't giving their all, and has refused to acknowledge for nearly a hundred sweeps that A, the Coalition has vastly superior technology, and B, they're offering asylum to any troll who wants it with zero repercussions, which is why she's not just losing, she's also haemorrhaging troops. She also hasn't yet realised that their high level of technology means that the only reason the Coalition haven't crushed her like a bug yet is because they don't actually want to, not because they can't. - Talking in Your Dreams: Karkat and John meet and become friends in the simulation in Dream Sequencer.
- Talking Is a Free Action: Averted, the highblood commander repeatedly attacks Queen Jane while she talks. Of course, Jane only appeared as a hologram, so she's unharmed.
- Wham Line: Subverted in Dream Sequencer: Karkat is told that he sustained some really bad injuries during the battle on Excelsis-Five, so bad in fact that he's in a coma while they treat him. He asks how long he's been asleep, and is told that it's six days.
- Wrong Genre Savvy: According to Word of God, when the beta kids had their adventure, John thought they were in a fun kids-going-on-adventures story, but it actually turned out to be more along the lines of The Call of Cthulhu.
- You Can't Go Home Again: Due to Alternia being in enemy territory, once the kids are rescued from the pirate ship, they can't return to the homeworld.
- You Fight Like a Cow: Queen Jane thoroughly taunts the highblood commander of the ship she appears on. To be fair, the guy doesn't seem to grasp that, appearing as a hologram, she can't exactly be hurt by bullets.
- Your Head Asplode: Happens to the pirate captain. He likely didn't know that the empire planted a tooth bomb to keep the United Galaxies from discovering their trap.
- Your Mind Makes It Real: Karkat's arms and a foot got blown off during The Great Escape. They're replaced with new (biological) ones that work perfectly, but because his brain remembers them getting blown off, once he regains consciousness, he has a lot of trouble using his arms even though there's nothing wrong with them.
