Fanfic / Dead Man Walking

Dead Man Walking is a South Park fanfiction by Mr. Red Snake.

Kenny, now sixteen, is used to dying in many horrifying and comedic ways, only to come back after the fact with no one remembering, like nothing ever happening.

But one day, while watching the girl's volleyball team practice, for completely non-perverted reasons, Wendy, fresh off of her break up with Stan, spikes the ball a little too hard in his direction. Causing Kenny to be knocked into an inconveniently placed pile of javelins, fatally impaling him.

Horrified by what she has done, Wendy rushes to his side. Where Kenny, figuring she won’t remember this anyway, says fuck it and steals a kiss from her as he dies. Content that everything's just going to go back to normal soon enough...

Only for him to get back to school and be confronted by an angry and confused Wendy, who inexplicably remembers his recent death at her hands and has spent the weekend thinking he was dead and gone, and it was all her fault. Leading Kenny having to bring her up to speed on his whole repeated deaths and immortality thing… Then explain why he stole a kiss from her in his dying moments.

Note that the above link to the fic doesn't work as the author deleted his stories. However, a fan uploaded it to Archive of Our Own and can be read in its entirety here, albeit without page breaks.

No relation to the crime drama film or the trope of the same name for that matter.

Tropes include:

• Aborted Arc: Early on, it's established that neither Kenny or Satan himself, can find Chef in either Heaven or Hell. Implying they still aren't aware that The Super Adventure Club revived Chef and he's likely still under their control. With Satan promising to keeping an eye out for him to Kenny. But this is never followed up on.
• Abusive Parent: While Stan is sulking in his room over losing Wendy to Kenny, Randy comes in and offers him a beer, before offering to tell him what his own father told him when he was heartbroken over a girl…
  Randy: (impersonating his father, knocks the beer out Stan's hand) QUIT BEING SUCH A LITTLE FAGGOT! BACK WHEN I WAS YOU AGE I WOULD'VE KICKED SOMEBODY'S ASS JUST FOR LOOK AT MY GIRL! OH WAH WAH WAH, I'M SO SAD, I'M JUST GOING CRY AND PISS MY PANTS AND ACT LIKE A FUCKING PUSSY! YOU'RE A MAN AREN'T YOU?! GET OUT THERE AND GET YOU FUCKING WOMEN BACK, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!
  • Apparently, there was also a part where he beat Randy with a garden hose that he chose to leave out.
• Accidental Murder: The plot really kicks off when a volleyball Wendy spiked, accidentally knocks Kenny into some poorly placed javelins, and he, assuming she won't remember anything later as usual, kisses her in his dying moments when after she rushes to his side.
  • She actually killed him the day before too, when he was doing some work underneath Stan's car, while they were arguing, and she hit it, causing the engine to fall on him.
• Ambiguously Gay: Kyle seems even more devoted to Stan than usual and he's the only one of the boys that doesn't show any interest in anyone else throughout the story. He does make it clear that he does not return Cartman's feelings for him, but that's likely more because it's Cartman than the fact that it was with another boy.
• Anguished Declaration of Love: Cartman declares his love for Kyle, while trying to resuscitate him, after Cthulhu collapses the building they were in. But this being a South Park story, it doesn't lead to the predictable ending for them...
• Anyone Can Die: In the latter half of the story, as made clear with Tweeks and Butters death.
• Apocalypse Cult: It's mentioned several times, that in the wake of Cthulhu's return, countless people are flocking to worship him quickly. And while stopping at a gas station on their way to confront the old god, Cartman, Kyle, and Wendy are attacked by some of the cult members and have to fight their way out.
• Armor-Piercing Question: When Stan tries to argue against Wendy's accusation that he didn't care about her, Wendy asks Stan three questions about Kyle that he's able answer without hesitation. Then she asks him to switch out Kyle for her and try to answer any of the questions. To which Stan can only make a weak excuse for not being able to.
• Armored Closet Gay: Cartman apparently. At the beginning of the story, when he tries to get Kenny and Stan to do his chores for less than half of what his mom's paying him, Kenny's able to negotiate an even split by threatening to reveal he said Kyle had a nice ass while drunk.
• Ascended Extra: Kenny's siblings, Keven and Karen, are given more development than in the show, thanks to their brother being the main character and all. Especially the latter, who in the show, had little role beyond serving as an occasional Morality Pet for her big brother. Here, Karen is a prominent supporting character, who has shown to have picked up Kenny's Dirty Kid tendencies and has started affiliating with the goth kids.
• The Bad Guy Wins: The gang ultimately fails to stop Cthulhu... but, Jesus and Satan hit the reset button on the universe afterwards.
• Big Bad: Cthulhu, late into the story.
• Big Brother Instinct: Upon getting home to find a pissed off Stan in their yard, looking to start a fight with Kenny, Kenny’s older brother Keven steps in and informs Stan he’s not home (which he doesn’t actually know yet) and more or less tells Stan he best be leaving or if he really wants a fight he can give him one. Stan backs off.
  • And just for good measure, the first thing he does when he walks in the house is greet his little sister Karen and ask if Kenny is home.
• Bitter Sweet Ending: Cthulhu ultimately wins, as the heroes can do nothing but come together in their last moments, before Jesus and Satan hit the cosmic reset on the universe, erasing the current incarnation of everyone from existence. But they do all have a second chance in the new universe, and the last scene does show Kenny successfully befriending Wendy in preschool. Implying this new timeline just might turn out better than the last.
• Breaking the Fellowship: Kenny ends up burning bridges with Stan and Kyle, after it comes out that he’s with Wendy. Cartman is still there, but he’s also still an asshole anyway.
• Breaking the Fourth Wall: Kenny does this while hanging out with Craig and the nondescript douchebag, and from there, the fourth gets a bit weaker throughout the story.
• Brother–Sister Incest: A one sided example with Kenny and Karen. Karen developed a crush on her brother's Mysterion persona, not knowing it was him... and isn't very much deterred upon learning the truth.
• Bullying the Dragon:
  • Even after getting his ass kicked by Wendy twice over and Kenny showing he's more than happy to "defend her honor", Cartman still doesn't learn not to bad mouth her. Downplayed, as he at least learns to get out when she directly aims her anger in his direction.
  • Kyle not only bluntly tells Cartman after the latter's Anguished Declaration of Love, that he does not return his feelings, but gives him a "Reason You Suck Speech" on top of it. This is while he's too battered to even get up, let alone defend himself by the way and he's telling to Cartman. So it shouldn't be a surprise that this does not end well for him.
• Canon Immigrant: “The New Kid/Douchebag”, the Heroic Mime protagonist of the video games is one of Kenny’s friends in this story.
• Card-Carrying Jerkass: When Kyle calls Cartman an asshole after saying something to make Stan storm off (admittedly after admitting it was a kind of clever line), Cartman simply responds that he knows he's an asshole.
• Chivalrous Pervert: Kenny.
• Combat Pragmatist: Keven teaches Kenny how to fight to help with his vigilante thing… by attacking his brother while he’s going to grab some bottles he asked for, then throwing him into some nearby boards, after using the guise of helping him up. Kenny returns the favor by pretending to break down crying afterwards, only to hit Keven in the balls when he comes to comfort him, then throwing dirt in his eyes as he pins him down. Both moves he would make use of later. Keven is very proud of his brother’s dirty fighting.
• Curb Stomp Cushion: After throwing the first punch, Stan is immediately overpowered and beaten down by Kenny in their fight. But he does manage to turn things around briefly, by throwing a brick in Kenny's face, ala Friday. But he still loses, when Kenny finishes the fight with a kick to the balls.
• Defiant to the End: Even after Karen has Firkel dead for rights, he makes it clear that he's not backing down and she'll have to kill him, or he'll kill her.
• Delinquents: Most of the kids are this to a degree, with the only notable exceptions being Wendy, Butters, and maybe Tweek.
• Did We Just Have Tea with Cthulhu?: Kenny’s good friends with Satan. He even comes to visit him at the mall and congratulates him on getting with Wendy. And later, The Grim Reaper shows up to invite them both to a Christmas party in Hell. Averted with Cthulhu himself.
• Dirty Kid: Karen’s apparently picked up this from Kenny. After finding Wendy in Kenny’s room while he’s away, Karen jokingly comes on to her.
• The Dragon: Firkle (in a sense) is this to Cthulhu by the end. As he not only helped summon him with Karen and the other goth kids, but he's the only one that stayed devoted to the old god, after things got real. And even tried to kill Karen and threatened the other goth kids, when she wanted to stop him.
• Dude, Not Funny!: Kenny’s reaction to Satan mimicking Chef’s voice, when he comes to meet him at the mall.
• Easily Forgiven: Trent Boyett ends up forgiving Kenny for his part in getting him locked up, while in the midst of strangling him to death no less… after Kenny gave him a sincere apology. It probably helps that they managed to bond for about a week as cellmates before Trent realized who he was (he couldn’t recognize Kenny without his parka).
• Everyone Dies: Tweek, Heidi, Butters, and Craig are all dead by the final chapter. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman die in the ultimately futile battle with Cthulhu. And then Jesus and Satan hit the reset button on the universe, wiping out the current incarnations of everyone, but giving them a second chance the next go around.
• Everyone Knew Already: In the beginning of the story, we learn that Kenny has been coming to the girls’ volleyball practices to perv on the girls, under the pretense of having a genuine interest in the game. (Though by the start of the story, his interest in the game has become more or less sincere and he’s even become the team’s unofficial cheerleader.) Later Wendy blurts out that they saw through this from the beginning.
• Eviler than Thou: Firkel proves himself to being willing to cross lines his fellow goths wouldn't, when he attempts to murder Karen for trying to help stop Cthulhu and threatens the other goth kids.
• Eye Scream: Firkel loses an eye to the homunculi. Karen later kills him in their fight, by pushing his own knife through his vacant eye socket.
• Fatal Flaw: Kyle always sides with Stan, even when Stan does not necessarily have the moral high ground.
• The Friend Nobody Likes: Cartman’s status as this is really emphasized. At one point, when thinking about the “worst case scenario”, where his actions lead to burning bridges with both Stan and Kyle, Kenny wonders who would “get custody” of Cartman. Before saying if it is the worst case scenario, he would be stuck with him.
• Groin Attack:
  • Wendy delivers one to Cartman, after spraying him and Stan with pepper spray no less.
  • This is how Kenny ends the fight between him and Stan.
  • This seems to be one of Kenny’s go to moves, being a pragmatist and all.
  • Wendy threatens to do this to Kenny, if he makes a pun on her last name. He decides it's Worth It.
  • Karen knees Firkel in the balls during their scuffle.
  • The best plan Kenny and company can think of for taking down Cthulhu, is hitting him with a bazooka in the general area his junk would be, assuming he had any. They unfortunately never get to find out it would work.
• Heroic Mime: Lampshaded when Douchebag actually says something.
  Kenny: Holy fuck, IT SPEAKS?!
• Heroic Sacrifice: Butters dies giving his life, during the fight with the homunculi Karen and the goths created.
• Heroic Self-Deprecation: Kenny’s pretty prone to this.
• Hidden Depths: Wendy finds a stack of romance novels in Kenny’s room, as well as a couple of books filled with (dirty) poems he wrote himself.
• Hypocritical Humor: After Craig says Kenny going along with Wendy's insistence on taking their relationship slow sounds fucking gay, Kenny points out that Craig is literally in a gay relationship. To which Craig fires back, that that's how you know it's really fucking gay.
• Impaled with Extreme Prejudice:
  • Wendy accidently knocks Kenny into a pile of javelins at the beginning of the story.
  • Stan dies after being impaled on rebars, after Cthulhu knocks down the building he, Kyle, and Cartman were positioned on.
• Implausible Deniability: Wendy is insistent that she isn’t too broken up about Kenny being away, while he’s spending a couple weeks in juvie… even as she takes to sleeping in his bed, listening to the song they listened to on their first date, smoking his weed, and wearing his clothes.
• Instantly Proven Wrong: The gang so something along the lines of "good thing no one was hurt", after blowing up a gas station to escape some cultists that attacked them in there... right before a half-charred, dying cult member bust through one of the windows, goring himself on the remaining glass as he does so before dying right in-front of them.
• Irony: Kenny lampshades that he's the last of the boys still alive by the end.
• Jerk Ass Realization: Kenny has one regarding his part in getting Trent Boyett locked up, after spending some time as his cellmate and realizing they could have been good friends if he had had his back in the past.
• Kevlard: This is the reason Cartman is the only one of the three boys on the collapsing building, in the climax, to make it to survive the fall without any serious injuries. (At least until some debris fall on him.) He even sheepishly admits that may he is fat.
• Kill the Cutie: Tweek and Butters, undoubtabaly the most innocent of the boys, are killed off by the homunculus the goth kids created.
• Laser-Guided Karma: After murdering Kyle for rejecting his declaration of love, Cartman dies to some debris collapsing on him.
• Last Wish Marriage: Kenny asks Wendy to marry him before the universe resets, after their failed attempt to to stop Cthulhu.
• Leaning on the Fourth Wall: The story does this a bit. Like when watching Terrance and Philip together, Karen tells Wendy she thinks one of them has feelings for a girl in the show. To which Wendy responds they haven't even interacted with each other. But Karen just knows they would go good together.
• Minor with Fake I.D.: After stopping at a bar in Ismith, Kenny is able to casually order a couple beers after flashing the bartender his ID. Realizing something off with that, Wendy snatches his license and discovers that he's using his older brother Kevin's identity on his license while they've been on a two thousand mile plus road trip together.
  Kenny: Look, I've been the family's designated driver since I was twelve, I kinda need a license." he explained, "Don't give me that look, I'll get my own on my birthday.
  Wendy: On your… Are you fifteen?!
  Kenny: You sound disappointed, didn't know you were so into older men.
• Misplaced Retribution: Craig blames Kenny, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman for Tweeks death do to their Weirdness Magnet status always causing trouble. Even though they legitimately had nothing to do with his death. Leading to him attacking Kenny and sending hate texts to all four of them.
• My God, What Have I Done?: It seems to finally sink in to the goth kids how serious shits gotten, after Karen kills Firkel in self-defense.
• Mythology Gag: The fic is filled with call backs to the series:
• Never My Fault: As angry as Stan gets at Kenny for getting with Wendy behind his back, he does not seem to stop and think about how his neglect of her led to their break up in the first place. At least until after they come to blows on it.
• Not Me This Time: Invoked, when Butters accuses Kyle of being no better than Cartman, leaving the latter stunned in the process, Cartman butts in to ask why everyone’s still shitting on him when hasn’t even done anything this time.
• Offscreen Moment of Awesome: Wendy promises that she and Kenny will kick Cartman's ass together for getting Kenny thrown in juvie, when he gets out. And they apparently got to do just that at the end of the chapter. But we don't get to see it.
• Oh, Crap!:
  • After getting Kenny arrested after getting into a fight in the alley, Cartman is unsurprisingly pretty pleased about it… till Kenny calls out he’s telling Wendy about it. And for good reason.
  • Kenny upon realizing his cell mate is none other than Trent "wants to kill me and my friends” Boyett.
• Pet the Dog:
  • When Kenny gets onto Butters for squealing to Stan about him dating Wendy, and Butters is trying to defend his actions. Kenny manages to calm down and tell him he did nothing wrong, and it’s his own fault for not telling Stan himself.
  • Henrietta, the female goth kid, tries to comfort Karen a couple times.
• Plot Hole: Despite Cartman previously managing to tame Cthulhu, no one even suggests he try to do something like that when Cthulhu turns up again.
• Putting the Band Back Together: Stan, Kyle, and Cartman show up in their superhero identities, to join Kenny and Wendy in their mission to stop Cthulhu.
• Really Gets Around: Apparently Kenny. Though we aren't shown any evidence that this isn't just talk on his part, no one ever says it is just talk either.
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Kenny gives one to Kyle (and by extension, the rest of his friends), after the latter tries to say he doesn’t give a shit about his friends for dating Wendy behind Stan’s back.
  Kenny: "I'm sorry, what did you just say? I mean it sounded like you said I don't give a shit about my friends but that can't be right after ALL THE SHIT I'VE DONE FOR YOUR ASSHOLES!"
  Butters: "Ken-Kenny-"
  Kenny: "NOT NOW BUTTERS!" Remind me Kyle, who's the guy that's always fixing your car for free?! How many times have I gone down into the sewers after one of you idiots dropped you phone down the grate!? How many dumbass schemes have I gone along with, just so I could get in trouble, hurt, or worse, only for you guys to brush me off like some kind of afterthought?! Oh my god, they killed Kenny! You bastards! yeah, that's a real funny catchphrase. I love hearing it EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. I fade out of consciousness after something horrible happens to me!"
  Cartman: (whispering) What the fucks he talking about?
  Kenny: And now, the one fucking time I do something for myself, you've go the absolute BALLS to say I don't care about you guys?! You know what, you're absolutely fucking right, I don't care! Screw you guys, I'm going home!"
  • In Kyle’s defense, since most of the times Kenny stuck his neck out for them ended with him dying and the reset button promptly being hit, he understandably wouldn’t remember most of the things Kenny has done for them.
  • Also, Kyle's response to Cartman's declaration of love:
  Kyle: Before say anything else, can I just tell you something?
  Cartman: Of course! What is it Kyle?
  Kyle: I don't care what your reasoning is, you're the biggest piece of shit I have ever had the disprivilege of knowing, you're racist, sexist, a spoiled brat, and an overall psychopath, you have no redeeming qualities what so ever, I don't return your feelings in any shape or form and I want nothing but the worst for you. Go fuck yourself.
• The Reveal: We find out why Wendy can suddenly remember Kenny's death towards the end of the story. After she's killed in Innsmouth, she comes back to life like Kenny. Revealing that she has become an immortal too. With Kenny later finding out that it had to do with him kissing as he died the first time she was able to remember.
• Significant Wardrobe Shift: Played with after Kenny starts dating Wendy. He doesn’t actually change clothes, but he does start wearing the hood of his parka down more.
• Sir Swears-a-Lot: Unsurprisingly, growing into their teens hasn’t cleaned up the boys’ language much.
• Stating the Simple Solution: After getting into their superhero personas to steal back their puppy, after returning it to its original owner, only for him to turn out to be a scumbag, Call Girl/Wendy hacks into the Facebook page for Skeeter's Bar to put out an ad for free drinks for dog owners to lure him out of the house with the dog in tow. Mysterion/Kenny points out they could have just waited till he left his house, then broken in to steal the dog back.
• Surprise Incest: Played with, in a one sided crush sort of way. Early on in the story, we learn that Karen has declared Mysterion her boyfriend, not knowing that he’s actually her brother. She's not bothered by this...
• Take That!:
  • To Season 18, which Kenny breaks the fourth wall to declare sucked.
  • When asked by Satan what the human governments are doing in the wake of Cthulhu's return, Jesus half-jokingly says the Democratic Party of The United States has nominated Cthulhu for the next election, figuring he'd still be better than four more years of President Garrison.
• Together in Death:
  • Kenny "invokes" this, upon thinking Wendy's died.
  • And while in the afterlife, he discovers Craig had the same idea, and shot himself to be reunited with Tweek. They are.
  • In a platonic example, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman, on Kenny's advice, meet up at a bar in, with Damien, Butters, Craig, and Tweek to wait for the end together.
• This Is Reality: At one point, Kenny tells Butters that this isn't The Simpsons and not everything is the set up for a joke.
• Throw the Dog a Bone: Pip gets brought back and reunited with Estella, at least for the night. And it's implied they had sex.
• Tranquil Fury: Cartman's response to Kyle responding to his declaration of love, with a very blunt "reason you suck speech", is to calmly accept it and walk away. Before coming back with a chunk of concrete smash Kyle's skull under. Just as Kyle was starting to think Cartman was taking it very maturely too..
• Too Spicy for Yog-Sothoth: After Randy reveals how “blunt” his own father was with him to Stan, he says he’s in a better place “calling Jesus a hippie freak and telling go to kiss his ass”. Cut to him in hell, ‘’verbally abusing’’ the poor demon trying to torture him.
• Took a Level in Badass: Kenny has by the time of this story. While he wasn’t shown to be particularly stronger or more skilled in a fight than the other boys in the show, here he’s unquestionably the best fighter out of the four, thanks to some street fighting lessons from his older brother and years of experience as a vigilante.
• Underdogs Never Lose: Subverted. It's hammered in how little of a chance Kenny and company have at defeating Cthulhu, and everyone who doubted them is ultimately proven right.
• Ungrateful Bastard: Firkel isn't the least bit bothered about Butters dieing in Heroic Sacrifice to save him from a monster he helped create.
• Unwitting Instigator of Doom: Kenny giving The Goth Kids the (what he thinks is a fake) Necronomicon as a Christmas present, sets off a rather dark shift in the story.
• What the Hell, Hero?:
  • After being able to remember Kenny's most recent death, Wendy tears into his friends for seemingly not caring that one of their own best friends is dead. Not realizing they just can't remember.
  • After the aforementioned reason you suck speech Kenny gives Kyle, Butters gives one to him when he for blowing off what Kenny said.
  • Wendy repeatedly calls the boys’ out for overlooking her say in who she goes out with, when talking about Kenny “going behind Stan’s back and getting with his ex.”
• Wham Episode: Chapter eight has Tweek and several other kids being killed by the monster The Goth kids created. And in the next chapter, Butters dies in a Heroic Sacrifice to stop it.
• Wholesome Crossdresser: Kenny comes to cheer on Wendy's volleyball team at their big game in full cheerleader get up.