This is the character sheet for Van Helsinki, the 2013 planned release 'horedy' film.
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Van Helsinki
- A Lighter Shade of Grey: Has committed multiple illegal acts, up to and including murder, but is better than mind-controlling Geoff Vampire.
- Anti-Hero: Unscrupulous at best.
- Atonement Detective: Arguably.
- Ax-Crazy: During the last 15 minutes or so.
- Badass Longcoat
- Cannot Spit it Out: His feelings for Professor Ford.
- Combat Pragmatist: Shoots Fay when she thinks they're allies, and stakes Geoff when he's helpless on his back.
- Cool Shades
- Cowboy Cop: Van through and through.
- Hardboiled Detective: Has definite shades of this.
- Hero with Bad Publicity: Following the Loren Case 'shitstorm'.
- He Who Fights Monsters
- Made of Iron: He is knocked out by Man, takes an absolute hammering from Svetlana, and then a beat-down from Geoff, all within an hour or so of each other, and he's still walking (just) by the end of the film.
- More Dakka: Seems to thrive on this trope, as he uses eight guns over the course of the film.
- My Greatest Failure: The Loren Case.
- Mysterious Past: In the actual film, the Loren Case is left mostly undescribed. The script goes into it more.
- Nominal Hero: Seems to verge on this at times, especially in the last 15 minutes of the film or so, when he kills Fay with no warning and for no real reason and it is revealed that his only real motivation is revenge for the claimed cheating of Geoff Vampire to win a cuddly duck at a fete.
- Occult Detective: Van is this trope combined with Trigger-Happy.
- Pants-Positive Safety: M1911 tucked into the back of his trousers while he 'sleeps'.
- Revolvers Are Just Better: Van carries a top-break Uberti revolver.
- Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Van for most of the second half of the film.
- Sanity Slippage: After the brainwashing.
- The Gunslinger: In spades.
- The Hero: Just about.
- There Is No Kill Like Overkill: Van, at times.
- Throw-Away Guns
- Trenchcoat Warfare: One trenchcoat. Eight guns.
- Trigger-Happy: So very, very much.
- Turn in Your Badge: Seemingly had to after the Loren Case. Now he's some kind of supernatural specialist.
- Unorthodox Holstering: All over his trenchcoat.
- Unscrupulous Hero: Van all over, if you don't think he's a full-blown Nominal Hero.
- Walking Armoury: Eight guns.
Geoff Vampire
- Affably Evil
- Alien Among Us
- Arch-Enemy: To Fay and Van Helsinki.
- Big Bad
- Camp Gay: Seems like it at times, both through his flamboyant nature and the occassional line, especially calling Van 'darling' in one scene.
- Combat Pragmatist
- "Hey, You!" Haymaker: Against Fay.
- I Have You Now, My Pretty: With Fay, to a degree.
- Our Vampires Are Different
- The Ditz: In spades, and combines with his Magnificent Bastardry to form the basis of his character.
- Villain Teleportation
Fay Løren
- Action Girl
- Blonde, Brunette, Redhead: With Svetlana and Woman.
- Dark and Troubled Past Her father was killed by Geoff.
- Dropped a Bridge on Her: Dies instantly after being shot at point-blank range with no warning.
- Fanservice: Arguably.
- Femme Fatale: Decidedly not.
- Guns Akimbo
- Improbable Aiming Skills: Shoots a bullet out of the air.
- The Gunslinger
- Small Girl, Big Gun: Her M4 and Magnum.
- Spell My Name With An S: Løren and Loren in the script.
Inspector Someone-Who-Is-Not-David-Bowie
- Artistic License – Gun Safety: The Inspector 'pokes himself in the chest with his own gun' while talking. On the original pre-editing video clip, you could even hear the prop gun go off at one point in the scene.
- Da Chief
- Overly Long Name
- Police Are Useless: Does little beyond send Van into the village then sit watching the ensuing fray and eating biscuits.
Professor Ford
- Insistent Terminology: She isn't a professor, but Van won't stop calling her one.
- Only Sane Woman
- Police Are Useless: Does little beyond send Van into the village then sit watching the ensuing fray and eating biscuits.
Man, Woman and Jim
- A-Team Firing: Man and Jim, so much.
- Brainwashed and Crazy: All three of them, by Geoff.
- Combat Pragmatist: Woman has hints of this, especially when she goes for the gun against Svetlana.
- Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy: Man and Jim. They miss with two pistols and two AK's on full auto at a range of about 2 metres.
- Last-Minute Hookup: Jim and Man, though the signs were there since the beginning.
- Reckless Gun Usage: Man and Jim
- The Undead: Fay puts it best. "Does no one around here know when to just die!"
Svetlana
- Action Girl
- Combat Pragmatist
- Curb-Stomp Battle: Dishes one of these out to most of the rest of the cast.
- Deus ex Machina: Serves as one.
- Katanas Are Just Better
- Kicking Ass in All Her Finery: Turns up to the climatic countdown with three swords and a spotless white dress.
- Lady of War
Creepy Man
