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Male Students
B001: Michael Eastmund
B001: Michael Eastmund
Designated Weapon: Hacksaw
Conclusion: Was there a sale at the hardware store or something? I guess you take what you can get with this many kids. When I joined, we were lucky to need a hundred weapons. Anyways, I think B001 will overcome his equipment disadvantage and go somewhere. He's got the same sort of punch to him as B012, though I don't think he'll maintain quite as well. Picking fights isn't good for maintaining. - Christina Stockton
B002: Adam Morgan
B002: Adam Morgan
Designated Weapon: Kilij
Conclusion: Oh, this is cool! I've seen a kilij on TV before; wicked Romanian sword able to chop off heads like it was nothing. Oh, hopefully you have some patience, B002 - make sure it's somebody ELSE'S head being chopped off. - Dennis Lourvey
B003: Matthew "Matt" Vartoogian
B003: Matthew Vartoogian
Designated Weapon: Diving Knife
Conclusion: V3's B051 is the only contestant in SOTF history to score a pentakill, B003. Do you think you can be the second? You want to make that practice pay off, after all. - Dennis Lourvey
B004: Owen Kay
B004: Owen Kay
Designated Weapon: Scalpel
Conclusion: A teeny tiny knife for such a big boy. That's sort of ironic, I suppose. Try not to cut off your own double jointed fingers B004, because I doubt any of those friends you love so much will lend you a hand. - Abby Soto
B005: Cody Patton
B005: Cody Patton
Designated Weapon: Winchester Model 88
Conclusion: Those who push others down will eventually get what's coming to them. I doubt you meant to hurt anyone, B005, but nobody ever does, do they? So, now, you're still the big man with that gun, but for how long? How long, B005? Sooner or later, it'll all catch up to you, and you know what they say about pride and falls. - Christina Stockton
B006: Darren Fox
B006: Darren Fox
Designated Weapon: Railroad Spike
Conclusion: Smart, awkward kids are a dime a dozen, and while we've seen that injuries don't spell certain death, going into the game with one won't do B006 any good. I bet he'll last a while, but people without connections usually get hunted down, no matter how little they deserve it. Five bucks says he kicks it at the early side of the final third. - Christina Stockton
B007: Gray Emerson
B007: Gray Emerson
Designated Weapon: Walther P99
Conclusion: Another injured kid. Well, B007, do you think you can take things more seriously when it's your life on the line? How many bullets will it take to get through your head that pain is your body's way of telling you important bits are falling out of it? A calming influence isn't what anyone needs in SOTF. They need someone who knows when to freak out, and how. - Christina Stockton
B008: Alexander de Gaulle
B008: Alexander de Gaulle
Designated Weapon: Packet of Purell Sanitizing Wipes
Conclusion: "Wipe your face off... there's blood on it." Man, I LOVE that movie! Quite frankly, Alex, I'm afraid that's going to be the only use you're going to get out of those wipes. With any luck, that blood won't be yours. Crap, I should've worked a Resident Evil quote just then. - Dennis Lourvey
B009: Zubin Wadia
B009: Zubin Wadia
Designated Weapon: Plank of wood with a nail in it (2 feet long)
Conclusion: Actually, I think B009 will prove surprisingly resilient if he can avoid pulling anything stupid. He knows to keep himself safe, and that's the first rule of surviving. His pull may hold him back, and I don't think he'll be able to carry the game, but he's certainly got more potential than some of these other kids. - Christina Stockton
"... Why not go for it? Go
down like a ... go down swinging at least. Yeah, I may not end this forever. The last escape didn't. But it is a giant 'fuck you' to a bunch of people who deserve it. In the unlikely event we pulled it off, at least the two of us would have a chance to walk home. I just figured that it was worth a shot."
- Born Lucky: He ends up getting third place in spite of a subpar weapon and no allies.
- Failure Hero: What Zubin ultimately is. His plan to escape never gets off the ground, mainly because his attempts to hide it were so awkward that he alienated any potential allies. The one time he manages to get someone to listen, he fails because he asks to behead the corpse of Corey Esposito, and Claire instead slaps him upside the head and reams him out.
B010: Garret Cobbler
B010: Garret Cobbler
Designated Weapon: Punt Gun
Conclusion: Okay, I just ran a google search on this one, and... how the hell are you going to use that thing? It's a twelve foot long shotgun. Seriously? That thing was used on the water to hunt ducks, so your swimming aptitude does squat here. Well, hopefully nobody uses it against you lest you be... dead in the water! Oh, I slay myself sometimes. - Dennis Lourvey
B011: Finn Grant
B011: Finn Grant
Designated Weapon: Megaphone
Conclusion: Shout, scream, cry, plead, beg—make as much noise as you like, little gossip, but people who put knives in the backs of their classmates in the real world get shot in the face here. Your friends won't save you now, and I'll be surprised if they even want to. - Christina Stockton
B013: Jack McDonald
B013: Jack McDonald
Designated Weapon: Millwall Brick
Conclusion: I made that during my free time, Mr. McDonald. Put it to good use. I made sure to only use the funnies pages. - Shamino Warhen
B014: Joachim Lovelace
B014: Joachim Lovelace
Designated Weapon: Ballistic Knife
Conclusion: If the threat of impending death via -insert gruesome murder here- isn't enough motivation to give this kid a kick up the ass, then I don't know what will be. M014 may have potential, but it helps when you're not already an emotional wreck. - Jim Greynolds
B015: Carlos Lazaro
B015: Carlos Lazaro
Designated Weapon: Pull-Saw
Conclusion: A skinny kid with no friends. What a winner. B015 doesn't stand a chance and even worse, I'll be his last words are something about how he never even saw it coming. - Abby Soto
B016: Logan Cadagon
B16: Logan Cadagon
Designated Weapon: Compact Camping Tent For One (assembly required)
Conclusion: B016 is nice, but that's about all, and being nice doesn't do much for you when you're also annoying. I think he's out of luck, and I think he'll find out friendships don't really last under pressure. At least he can be comfortable, unless someone sets his tent on fire while he's sleeping. Well, no, maybe I'm being harsh; he's a prankster, so he may think to use it as a trap. - Christina Stockton
B017: David "Dave" Russell
B017: David "Dave" Russell
Designated Weapon: Novelty Gun (clearly not a real gun, opens to reveal a flag which reads "BANG!")
Conclusion: Let's be real, this is SOTF; the only way M017's helping anyone is assisting himself into an early grave. I'd rate his chances at less than none - the kid's gun looks more legit than he does. - Jim Greynolds
- Butt-Monkey: He had a habit of winding up in embarassing situations thanks to other people's carelessness, and he was regularly ignored by his parents. To put the cherry on the cake, he ended up in SOTF.
- Driven to Suicide: Didn't even make it through his first post.
- Nice Guy: Spent most of his time trying to help people.
- Sacrificial Lamb: The first death of V5.
B018: Paris Ardennes
B018: Paris Ardennes
Designated Weapon: Colt Python Revolver
Conclusion:Oh, hey! I know about that gun from when I played the first Resident Evil! Take care, B018; you're not fighting zombies, but creatures that are marginally more intelligent. So, keep that weapon with you. It's REALLY powerful, especially against living things. - Dennis Lourvey
B019: Michael Mitchellson
B019: Michael Mitchellson
Designated Weapon: Pancor Jackhammer, slightly used
Conclusion: B019 might stand a chance except for the fact that he's totally fucked the second danger zones and killers get announced. He better hope he never wanders far from anyone, because he'll need to know when to run to avoid blowing up. Maybe we should talk to Lourvey about making the collars more friendly to disabled students. - Christina Stockton
B020: Joe Carrasco
B020: Joe Carrasco
Designated Weapon: Dressage Whip
Conclusion: We all know what happened last time someone afraid of blood got kicked around a bit. Somehow, though, I don't think B020 has the guts to go down that route. Bad parents don't breed winners, B020. It looks like you got the short end of the stick in so many ways. I wonder if they'll realize how they fucked you up when they see you die on TV? - Christina Stockton
B021: Paulo Abbate
B021: Paulo Abbate
Designated Weapon: 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire.
Conclusion: Hey there, B021! Nice to see that you're well versed in grappling and all, but your lack of formal training and raw style might get you bloodied harder than a hardcore wrestler. Oh well. At any rate, good luck, and HAVE A NICE DAY! - Dennis Lourvey
B022: Chuck Soileau
B022: Chuck Soileau
Designated Weapon: Dynamite sticks x 6
Conclusion: ... Well, if past experience is anything to judge by, there goes any sort of religious structure. - Dennis Lourvey
B023: Jesse Jennings
B023: Jesse Jennings
Designated Weapon: Riz Action Figure with Kicking Action
Conclusion: This guy reminds me of me. Too bad he isn't getting threatened by G.I Joes or he'd have this one well in hand. Charm shouldn't be underestimated though; stick what brought you to the dance kid, and you'll do okay. - Elias Östberg
B024: Francis St. Ledger
B24: Francis St. Ledger
Designated Weapon: Insulated Blanket
Conclusion: That'll give him something to be 'grumpy' about. Maybe he can do us all a favour and stunt-jump his way into breaking his neck. Parkour. What a jackass. - Elias Östberg
B025: Esteban "Steven" Salazar
B025: Esteban Salazar
Designated Weapon: Bayview Huskies Hockey T-Shirt
Conclusion: Snarky kid armed with a t-shirt. This isn't going to end well. Entertainingly maybe, but not well. - Elias Östberg
B026: Harry Hanley
B026: Harry Hanley
Designated Weapon: Desert Eagle .50 Cal
Conclusion: I wonder if B26 thinks he can corner the market on bullets. Maybe he could try and trade the wrist-breaker to some sap who doesn't know any better... - Elias Östberg
Female Students
G001: Andi Victorino
G001: Andi Victorino
Designated Weapon: Ball-peen Hammer
Conclusion: G001 has a lot riding on this, so it's almost too bad she's probably fucked (again). Teen moms are a tradition here, and a key part of that tradition is dying in absolutely horrific ways. We'll see what G001 does to expand on that. I think she's got a lot of potential to break new ground. - Christina Stockton
G002: Alexandria "Alex" Ripley
G002: Alexandria Ripley
Designated Weapon: Battery Powered Personal Fan
Conclusion: I wonder if you could use a combination of law enforcement and roleplaying to trick somebody by holding them up with a battery powered fan? ... Eh, probably not. Good luck out there, G002. You're definitely going to need it. - Dennis Lourvey
G003: Naomi Bell
G003: Naomi Bell
Designated Weapon: Electric hedge trimmers
Conclusion: I'll bet miss princess here never thought she'd be handling gardening tools. She better hope she remembers which ones of her classmates has a vicious streak or her pretty words will be all that's left of her. - Abby Soto
G004: Ruby Forrester
G004: Ruby Forrester
Designated Weapon: FN P90
Conclusion: See now, I was just about ready to say that this kitty had claws, and then what do I see? Oooh, moral qualms! Typical. F04; Get violent, or you'll quickly learn how real horror works. - Jim Greynolds
G005: Madeline Wilcox
G005: Madeline Wilcox
Designated Weapon: Silver pill box containing 3 Ambien pills
Conclusion: Everyone thinks their smarts will get them through, don't they? G005 is going to learn Survival of the Fittest is not the most politically correct show and when she does, I wish her sweet dreams- Abby Soto
G006: Rosemary Michaels
G006: Rosemary Michaels
Designated Weapon: Butterfly Knife
Conclusion: Poor self esteem hurts, G006. Getting stressed can be hard, and you don't have the best weapon, but you never know. Some real losers have gotten out of here before, so just keep your head about you and soldier on and maybe you'll be next. Stranger things have happened. - Christina Stockton
G007: Rachael Langdon
G007: Rachael Langdon
Designated Weapon: Solar-Powered Calculator
Conclusion: Unless this kid has a mental break of truly epic proportions, I can't see this ending too well for her. ...Actually it won't end too well if she goes fruit loopy; the only reason she isn't getting written off is 'cause it totally happened before. - Jim Greynolds
"Tell me: how did you reach your decision? How did you know that hunting people down was the right path for you?"
- Break the Cutie: The game is not kind to Rachael.
- Burial at Sea: Marcus ultimately gives her this after she dies.
- Cute Bookworm
- Driven to Suicide: Considers slashing her wrists after being abandoned by Miles and Stacy, but is too afraid to go through with it.
- Fangirl: Is this for fantasy literature, particularly A Song of Ice and Fire.
- The Load: Is fairly incapable of doing much in her groups. She's even unable to protect Stacy from being killed by Miranda
- The Lost Lenore: Daniel Whitten becomes this for her.
- Love Epiphany: Has one of these for Daniel right after Marcus stabs her.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: In her hysteria after witnessing Kat and Miranda's deaths, Rachael accidentally reveals Naomi's death to Miles, which Stacy and others had tried to hide from him. This causes Miles to run off and Stacy to abandon Rachael, leaving her alone for the first time in the game.
- Mercy Kill: Her ultimate fate at the hands of Marcus Leung.
- Secret-Keeper: Is forced into this role to hide the deaths of Daniel Whitten and Naomi Bell from Michael Mitchellson and Miles Strickland, respectively. Deconstructed in that she doesn't want to keep these secrets and has trouble staying quiet, causing great internal strife. She ultimately reveals Naomi's death to Miles accidentally in a moment of panic.
- Shrinking Violet: She's so timid and unsure that she just tries to distract someone who is trying to kill her ally rather than shooting them herself.
G008: Makatala "Kam" So'oialo
G008: Makatala So'oialo
Designated Weapon: Adam Dodd's Ballestair-Molina
Conclusion: That's a lucky draw from a lucky owner, G008. And you will finally realize your dream of being on television. Putting on a good show is what you live for. Or at least, it will be. - Abby Soto
G009: Cassidy Kant
G009: Cassidy Kant
Designated Weapon: Toy Boat
Conclusion: My baths just got a lot less special. I hope you're proud of yourself, G009. - Shamino Warhen
G010: Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer
G010: Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer
Designated Weapon: 5 foot hickory walking stick
Conclusion: Hmm... G010 is competitive and she knows how to swing a stick around. She's blunt, which goes well with the type of trauma I see her inflicting. Yes, she could make something of herself. - Christina Stockton
G011: Emily Rose
G011: Emily Rose
Designated Weapon: Battery Powered Flood Light
Conclusion: How illuminating. - Jim Greynolds
G012: Cassandra Black
G012: Cassandra Black
Designated Weapon: Kama (Sickle)
Conclusion: Speaking French... I can see that being helpful in every possible way. Her chances are sickeningly low. - Josh Baines
Baines you're a tool. That reeked.
G013: Jessica Murphy
G012: Jessica Murphy
Designated Weapon: Sledgehammer (10 lbs head)
Conclusion:I'd say hammer time, but that thing weighs so much she'd be lucky to hit her own foot. - Matt Richards
'Hammer time' on an 18 year old? That's just creepy dude
G014: Megan Emerson
G14: Megan Emerson
Designated Weapon: 8 oz Bottle of Fake Blood
Conclusion: Well hey, it's not all bad G014, you could use it to fake being dead. Y'know, before you become actually dead, cause only a moron falls for that type of thing. - Josh Baines
I guess we know not to trust you if you say she's died then, Baines
G015: Janie Sinneave
G15: Janie Sinneave
Designated Weapon: Travel sized game of Hungry Hungry Hippos
Conclusion: Hey, the original Hunger Games! So, on the bright side G015, you have a 'weapon' that nobody will want and hunt you for, and you can use it for entertainment! On the less-than-bright side, you'll probably die because you have no means to defend yourself with. Sorry. Greynolds wouldn't let me give you a horse. - Dennis Lourvey
G016: Venice Pennington-Johannes
G16: Venice Pennington-Johannes
Designated Weapon: Fireman's Axe
Conclusion: Clingy girls are nothing more than burdens. A decent pull won't change that, and G016 is exactly the sort of sniveling, dependent weakling who some poor boy will head into the finals trying to avenge. - Christina Stockton
- Distaff Counterpart: To Virgil Jefferson-Davis, the adopted son of two homosexual men.
G017: Jaquilyn Locke
G017: Jaquilyn Locke
Designated Weapon: 56 oz. Bag of Skittles
Conclusion: Sadly guns > kung fu. At least she gets to taste the rainbow before she dies. - Matt Richards
Dude, you know what that's slang for, right? ...urban dictionary it.
G018: Claire Monaghan
G018: Claire Monaghan
Designated Weapon: Shotgun Flashlight with one .410 shotgun round
Conclusion: Too bad there's a manual explaining what that does. G018 sounds like exactly the sort of person I'd love to see stare into her flashlight and jiggle the buttons to see why no light's coming on. - Christina Stockton
"I think you'd want to seriously get out of here if you're still alive at this point. I doubt anyone is completely innocent at this point. I'm not, and I'm not going to act like I'm that much morally superior compared to people like Hansel."
- Accidental Murder: Claire only meant to hit Matthew with the shotgun flashlight in order to run past him and doesn't learn that she killed him until the next day.
- Alone with the Psycho: Hides in the clubhouse from Hansel after he killed Kyle in front of her.
- Died in Your Arms Tonight: Corey Esposito dies in Claire's arms.
- Dope Slap: Gives a non-comedic version to Zubin with his notepad when he asks to behead Corey's corpse right after he died to experiment on his collar.
- Due to the Dead: Performs these for various dead kids throughout the island. Becomes a lot harder when she has to bury her friend, Corey.
- Failure Hero: What Claire ultimately is. Her plan to bury the dead gets interrupted when Hansel kills Kyle and takes her hostage, her attempts to find Hansel and get revenge go nowhere, her attempt to pass Corey's dying words to their friends fail because she never finds them, and when she has the perfect chance to use her shotgun flashlight and kill Katarina, she misses. Claire even Lampshades this in her dying words.
- Human Shield: Claire often finds herself made into this, being one when Hansel takes her hostage. Katarina also throws her in the path of Hansel's gunfire, and Claire only barely survives due to her bulletproof vest.
- Purely Aesthetic Glasses: Has a pair of these.
- Reference Overdosed: Being a huge pop culture nerd, Claire makes a lot of references to herself or others, some more obscure than others.
- Spiteful Spit: Delivers one to Katarina Konipaski right before she dies.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Gives one to Zubin after he suggests they cut off Corey's head after he dies to experiment on his collar.
G019: Miranda Millers
G019: Miranda Millers
Designated Weapon: War Spear
Conclusion: Looks like those aspearations are going to come to nothing. - Josh Baines - Oh you SUCK - Your mom sucks! - My mom is a classy lady you
- - -Yeah. You two aren't allowed to do this any more. - Jim Greynolds
"Okay, I'll leave. I really don't feel like being killed right now. Go... go do your thing somewhere,(...) Act like some comedian while doing it. I don't care."
- Alpha Bitch: Miranda was one of the grade's most significant bullies, and has the background to match. However, deep down this isn't her actual personality, as she developed this persona as a way to fit in.
- Asshole Victim: A large part of the reason why she heel-turns is that she knows that enough people dislike her for this to happen.
- Armored Closet Gay: She is homophobic which manifests in some of her bullying, but she is a closeted lesbian.
- Beauty Is Never Tarnished: Averted. Throughout her game, Miranda gets hit in the face (with bruising and implied concussion), chops off most of her hair, and gets covered in gunk.
- Berserk Button: When she has a friend take a bullet for her, she has a Freak Out on the spot and issues a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown against the person responsible resulting in her own death. Given her reasons for heel-turning, it's likely because she found out too late that someone did care and was acting out of grief.
- Closet Geek: Miranda loves both anime and video games, but hides her interest out of fear of what others would think. After in-game character development, she decides to drop this, resulting in her naming her spear Kyoko, after a character from Puella Magi Madoka Magica.
- Hard Head: Averted; after receiving the blow that bruised her face Miranda also shows symptoms of a concussion.
- I Call It "Vera": After a while, she names her spear Kyoko, after a character from an anime she likes.
- Inferiority Superiority Complex: She has a tendency to bully others who match a lot of her anxieties about herself. This is best illustrated by her in-game arc, as she nigh-instantaneously heel-turns because she believes herself to be an Asshole Victim by default.
- Important Haircut: After killing Kaitlyn Williamson and indirectly causing Brandon Baxter's death she cuts off most of her hair out of practicality.
- Lipstick Lesbian: Miranda is a closeted lesbian who is also The Fashionista. She largely drops the "lipstick" part over time in-game due to practicality.
- Nervous Wreck: Even before the game she dealt with anxiety, though she covered it up with her Alpha Bitch persona. It only gets worse after she's placed into the game.
- Stepford Smiler: Miranda dealt with family difficulties, internalized homophobia, trouble with school work, and anxiety before the game, but it was largely masked. Once she's in the game the mask starts to slip before disappearing entirely.
G020: Stacy Ramsay
G020: Stacy Ramsay
Designated Weapon: Bryan Calvert's SPAS-12
Conclusion: I don't see that gun living up to its legacy. Cheerleaders don't have a very good track record. I think the only way she'll make anything of herself is to ditch that nice attitude and take after Calvert's archenemy, and even then I doubt she'll make it halfway. - Christina Stockton
G021: Summer Simms
G021: Summer Simms
Designated Weapon: Bec-de-corbin
Conclusion: The bees! The bees! Don't pull a B063, Simms. - Shamino Warhen
G022: Yasmin "Yaz" Carrol
G022: Yasmin Carrol
Designated Weapon: Pillowcase Containing a Rock
Conclusion: Silly little girls having pillow fights have no place on the island. She won't last long, but early victims are necessary to get things moving. Close your eyes, G022, and maybe it'll hurt less. - Christina Stockton
G023: Stephanie Wright
G023: Stephanie Wright
Designated Weapon: Large spade shovel
Conclusion: The injury, her history, and that weapon all combine to suggest that G023 will not be long for this game. Maybe she'll beat the odds, though. Past G023s have always managed to do well for themselves, but never to actually make it out alive. Really, though, what' up with all the injured kids this season? - Christina Stockton
G024: Sakurai Yukiko
G024: Sakurai Yukiko
Designated Weapon: Weed whacker with circular saw attachment
Conclusion: Of course a pacifist gets a weapon with so much potential for damage. We've seen pacifists snap before, but I don't think you'll do that, will you, G024? No, you'll just die so you can feel good about yourself and your morals, and so your friends will cry and say what a good girl you were, and you'll never even consider how much of a waste it all is. - Christina Stockton
G025: Veronica McDonald
G025: Veronica McDonald
Designated Weapon: J.R. Rizzolo's Tire Iron
Conclusion: The note with the weapon says whose it was. You know who he was. You know what you have to do. Nothing more need be said. - Shamino Warhen