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Old Man Henderson
The man himself. Played by Waffle House Millionaire/Mike, Henderson was his answer to the Killer Game Master who killed his characters over stupid reasons. A crazy, senile old man, Henderson is brought into the story because he's searching for his $40k worth collection of lawn gnomes, which inevitably causes the plot to derail as his actions become more and more violent.
- Accent Slip-Up: He has a Scottish accent that comes and goes on his player's whims. He's not Scottish and neither is his player, it's just part of his craziness.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Despite being a batshit insane drug addict (or possibly because of it), he proves an absolute nightmare to the cultists, and even manages to permanently kill Hastur.
- Car Fu: THE Tanker Truck Incident. With a fueling tanker truck, Henderson killed the possessed detective, leveled the church and wiped out all traces that could trace it back to him. He later rigs his battered '92 Buick Century to explode, killing several shoggoths in the police office.
- Cloudcuckoolander: WHM/Mike created Henderson to be a deliberately insane agent of chaos, and every quote we see from him is full of hilarious insanity.
- Comic-Book Fantasy Casting: More like Comic Book Insanity Casting. He is described as looking, sounding, and acting like Jeff Bridges, or more specifically, The Dude. It came as a total shock to the other players when WHM reveals he has never seen the movie, and this resemblance was entirely unintentional.
- Disability Immunity: Due to his schizophrenia and dyslexia, he usually dismisses the Brown Note monsters as hallucinations or ugly poodles, and isn't affected by "reading"/smoking the Necronomicon.
- Disproportionate Retribution: His entire motivation: he suspects the cultists of having stolen his lawn gnomes. Admittedly, it is supposedly 40k worth of lawn gnomes. He actually sold them and donated the proceeds to a charity, got high and forgot about it. On learning the truth, he then finally muses that all his actions in retrospect seem somewhat disproportionate.
- Eldritch Abomination: WHM's phrasing implies that he didn't so much create Henderson as summon him from some unguessable realm with the Backstory Of Doom, and there are multiple details that hint that he may exist independently of WHM's mind. He is a flawless expy of The Dude from The Big Lebowski, despite the fact that WHM had never seen that movie. Portions of his backstory are written in fluent German, which WHM does not speak a word of. And that's not to mention that even WHM doesn't know whether "Henderson" is his first or last name (and for that matter, not even Henderson himself knows).
- Establishing Character Moment: "MUCKLE DAMRED CULTISTS! 'AIR EH NAMBLIES BE KEEPIN' ME WEE MEN!?!?" That's Henderson's first line of dialogue, and it pretty much sums up all you need to know about him.
- Expy: Henderson is The Dude from The Big Lebowski with a lot of the mellow taken out and replaced with pure insanity, though strangely enough WHM had never seen the film.
- Face Death with Dignity: He knows he's going to die when he finds the lawn gnome in his truck before getting to the hockey rink, but he'll be damned if he doesn't make it the best Last Stand he can.
- Hero Killer: He personally killed several of Nowhere's characters, including:
- The Professor, who was gunned down during Henderson's initial rampage through the cult's church when he foolishly tried to play peacemaker instead of keeping his head down.
- James Fink, who was run over during THE Tanker Truck Incident and put into the negatives. He could have potentially been saved if Henderson had bothered to try, but instead he just left, and James was finished off by the backtrail igniting and dealing a miniscule amount of fire damage to him.
- The bodyguard for a mob boss's son, who was knocked out and thrown into the trunk of a car while the son was kidnapped and put in the back seat of a second car. Henderson and Will steal the car with the son in it, then set fire to the other car so that the cultists couldn't follow them, never realizing first or last that there was someone in the trunk.
- Ronald, a recently-divorced used car salesman who was drowning his sorrows at a mob-owned bar that the mob boss's son told Henderson and Will to drop him off at. The disgruntled owner of the stolen car they were driving had cast a spell to remotely cut the brakes, causing them to crash through the wall of the bar and instantly kill Ronald, who had just finished throwing a perfect game of darts and was feeling genuine happiness for the first time in weeks.
- A cop who was killed in a house fire Henderson caused to destroy an eldritch beast. Much like the bodyguard, Henderson never realized first or last that he was even at the house.
- Patrick, a thug hired by the cult to kill Henderson. ASCN expected them to have a brief brawl followed by a Heel–Face Turn on his part. Instead he got his kneecaps and balls shot off by Henderson, who then left him to bleed to death.
- Malcolm Reeves, who wasn't directly killed by Henderson, but by a Hell Hound that was sent to kill Henderson. Henderson dodged its attack, and Malcolm got a crit to the throat in his place.
- Insanity Immunity: Mr. Henderson was quite loopy to begin with, and despite being in Call of Cthulhu, stayed at roughly the same level of loopiness. This was mostly because his pre-existing schizophrenia and drug habit hardened him against the insanity-causing horrors from the beyond, as he tended to simply dismiss them as hallucinations brought on by either the schizophrenia, the weed, or both. In other words, he was immune to the Lovecraftian Madness around him by virtue of already being mad to begin with.
- It Has Been an Honor: When he finds the lawn gnome in his truck he grins, and tells "Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure." to the others, because he knew he was about to die.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He's crazy, rude, and violent, but he does have a nice side. He ends up leaving Jimmy and Kary everything in his will.
- Lonely Funeral: Due to all of his friends save for Jimmy and Kary being dead, they're the only ones at his funeral. Considering that he didn't even ask for a funeral, but they decided to throw him one anyway, it's more heartwarming than it sounds.
- Mad Bomber: He memorized the Anarchist's Cookbook. Furthermore, he somehow has access to C4 when needed.
- Multiple-Choice Past: His "Backstory of Doom." To quote WHM himself:WHM: "...He had a 320 page backstory that justified EVERYTHING, from his casual knowledge of physics to his ability to speak Portuguese flawlessly. You can just imagine the sort of Shenanigans that character was involved in. The point to having such a long backstory was three-fold. 1) to ensure the GM would never actually read it and 2) Since he would never read it except for in excerpts I pointed out to justify things, I could re-write and change things around completely at random without anyone noticing and MOST IMPORTANTLY 3) Convince everyone that I was serious about this character, and that it wasn't simply the game wrecking bullshit that it was."
- New Powers as the Plot Demands: Courtesy of the "Backstory of Doom", as mentioned in Multiple-Choice Past above. Whenever Henderson needs to know a skill, WHM will just make up an excuse and claim it was in his backstory.
- Old Soldier: Though he's younger than he claims, Henderson is in his fifties and a war vet. He goes on to killing hordes of cultists and their creatures.
- Only One Name: Nobody knows whether Henderson is his first or last name. Not even he does.
- Pals with Jesus: Or, his reincarnation is childhood friends with a female reincarnation of Hastur who later regains their powers.
- Person of Mass Destruction: Henderson destroyed countless buildings (including at least two churches, the police station, Will's old bar, the Cthulhu cultist penthouse and the Disciples of the Yellow King's yacht) and caused destruction and mayhem across at least 15 different cultist groups, causing an Enemy Civil War that tore The Masquerade to pieces.
- Pet the Dog: Henderson's friendship with Jimmy the Jock. He's not really a good influence, but he definitely cares about the kid.
- Phony Veteran: He claims to have served in Vietnam, and is crazy enough that he probably genuinely believes he did, although he's a bit too young to have actually done so.
- Politically Incorrect Hero: It's heavily implied that he's not too fond of Mormons.
- Post-Mortem One-Liner:Henderson: I figured out what the nasties are weak against.
Jimmy: What's that Mr. Henderson?
Henderson: Point blank annihilation. - Renaissance Man: He's very skilled in numerous areas thanks to the Backstory of Doom, and being completely out of his gourd doesn't stop him from using his skills very effectively.
- Sinister Shades: Never takes off his aviators, for any reason. When Patrick broke them, he revealed that he had three spares on him, though another one was broken by the thug.
- The Stoner: He made a blunt out of a page of the Necro-Fucking-Nomicon and got Jimmy to join in.
- Taking You with Me: Rigs a hockey rink to explode, obliterating the cultists' forces and permanently killing Hastur.
- This Looks Like a Job for Aquaman: He started the game with diagnosed schizophrenia and "a pre-existing hatred of religion, cutlery, and books.", which along with his dyslexia and tendency to take hallucinogenic drugs made him practically immune to the SAN loss usually taken by dealing with the eldritch horrors and nightmares.
- Violent Glaswegian: He's certainly violent, and he would randomly lapse in and out of a thick Scottish accent, particularly when angry. He's not actually Scottish, though, it's just more of his insanity.
Jimmy the Jock
The teenager member of the party, Jimmy was a local athlete who was curious in finding out why his friends seemed so distant lately.
- Academic Athlete: More implied than actually stated, but it's clear that Jimmy's no Dumb Jock; he's not only smart enough to know when he needs backup and when something is clearly a bad idea, but he also takes schoolwork very seriously. He misses out on a number of antics because he has homework which might be one of the reasons why he's the only party member who survives the game.
- Due to the Dead: He and Kary end up using some of the money inherited from Henderson to throw him a very nice funeral, although they are the only ones in attendance.
- Improbable Infant Survival: Although unintended, he and Kary are the only members of the party to survive. Furthermore, he's the only member from the beginning of Henderson's tale to have lived to the end.
- Lovable Jock: The teenage jock who mostly got involved in everything because he was worried about his friends and girlfriend, Jimmy's probably the nicest and most good-hearted of the PCs.
- Sole Survivor: He's the last of the group left, and the only character from the beginning of Henderson's tale to have made it to the end.
Detective Albert "Al" Johanson
A former cop-turned-private detective, Albert Johanson was investigating in a missing persons case linked to a local cult when his path crosses with that of Old Man Henderson.
- Grand Theft Me: His body was used to serve as an avatar for Hastur.
- Private Detective: His business is investigation, which is how he got involved with Old Man Henderson and cultists.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: He tries to bail out when he learns that his prospective new client is the man who burned down a church. It doesn't stick, and Henderson joins up with him when he reveals that he knows about the cult.
William "Will" Brocklaw
A former barman whose newly-refurbished pub was destroyed by Old Man Henderson's antics, he joins up after Henderson shifts the blame onto the cultists.
- Badass Normal: He's just a normal guy who used to own the bar, and yet he ends up fighting against otherworldly horrors alongside British spy Simon and Old Man Henderson.
- Comic-Book Fantasy Casting: Described as looking like a slightly less fat Kevin Smith.
- Man in a Kilt: Dons a Utilikilt for the final battle.
- The Lancer: A no-nonsense former barman who gives no fucks and joins up with Henderson.
- The Straight Man: Plays this role to Henderson and the majority of the craziness caused by all of the eldritch horrors around him.
- You Shall Not Pass!: In the Last Stand he stole a Zamboni to hold off the hordes of zombies, tossing ammunition to Henderson until he was killed. Even after dying, his Zamboni barricade slows the zombies down slightly as they still had to go over it.
Professor Filkins
One of A Self Called Nowhere's characters, Professor Filkins was a college teacher who found a few stray pages of the Necronomicon and wanted to find out what it was about.
- Boom, Headshot!: He's gunned down by Henderson while trying to play peacemaker between him and a cultist.
- The Mole: He tried to infiltrate the cult to gain information on it.
James "Jim" Fink
One of A Self Called Nowhere's characters. A long-time friend of Detective Albert Johnanson and a former thug for the local mob back when Al was still a cop. When Henderson gets involved, Johanson decides he wants more back-up and calls Jim in.
- Odd Friendship: With Al. Though the two worked against one another in the past and often wrecked each other's plans, they became fast friends.
Ronald
One of A Self Called Nowhere's characters, Ronald was a used car salesman who had just gotten out of a divorce with his wife. She had won all of their possessions and promptly proceeded to kill herself, leaving everything to the new church she had devoted herself to: the Disciples of the Yellow King.
- We Hardly Knew Ye: Killed 10 minutes after Nowhere's last character (a bodyguard) was killed.
- Yank the Dog's Chain: He was killed just as he was finally starting to feel genuine joy again after being forced to divorce and lose everything he had.
Patrick the Thug
One of A Self Called Nowhere's characters. A street-fighting thug, Pat was hired by a man in a yellow robe to kill Henderson.
- Bullying a Dragon: He tried picking on Old Man Henderson after being hired by a man in a yellow robe. It didn't end well for him.
- Defeat Means Friendship: Nowhere thought this was going to happen because a brief fight followed by alliance would make sense with his backstory and his player status. However, WHM doesn't metagame.
- Every Man Has His Price: Patrick normally didn't kill people, because beating the shit out of them still got across the same message while having a far shorter prison sentence attached. However, the cultist was offering a lot of money...note
- Heel–Face Turn: Nowhere's intended course of action was getting in a fight with Henderson and then somehow joining up with him, but Henderson killed him before it could get to that.
Malcolm "Mal" Reeves
One of A Self Called Nowhere's characters. A former soldier, Mal has just been discharged from the military after his last tour of duty sent him into a nest of monsters. Diagnosed with schizophrenic hallucinations caused by PTSD, he was sent home. There, he overhears Henderson talking about cultists and asks if he can get involved.
- Comic-Book Fantasy Casting: A single line describes him as looking like Marshall Mathers.
- Lonely Funeral: He was given a small funeral at the military's expense.
- Murder by Mistake: He was killed by a hellhound sent to kill Henderson. Henderson dodged its attack, which ended up hitting Malcolm instead, killing him instantly with a crit. To add insult to injury, the cultist who summoned the hellhound promptly dismissed it, having detected that it gotten a kill and assuming it was the intended target, so Henderson didn't even have to fight it.
- They Killed Kenny Again: The last of Nowhere's long trail of characters getting killed off in the same session they were created.
Simon Breckenridge
A Self Called Nowhere's last character. A retired British spy with a distinguished career behind him, Simon traveled to America chasing after a cultist who killed his wife one week after retirement.
- Crusading Widower: Chases the cultists to America after they killed his wife.
- Deadpan Snarker: When asked what he was doing in America, Simon responds thusly:Simon: I'm a secret agent for the crown. I came here to re-enact a James Bond movie, and get throw out under an assumed name. Given your hilariously liberal gun laws, that should take most of my holiday.
Henderson: Which Bond?
Simon: Connery. The only proper one. - Foil: He was created with the sole purpose of being this to Henderson.A Self Called Nowhere: I knew setting out that I would never curb Henderson's madness. I could never hope to match it either. I therefore built Henderson's exact opposite: Competent, sane, cunning. His karmic balance. The Yin to his Yang. His fucking soul mate in plot annihilation.
- Old Soldier: Simon was 45 years old, just a bit younger than Henderson, and survived more spy missions than many a James Bond-style compatriot.
- Retired Badass: Retired at 45 years old with a distinguished career behind him.
- The Smart Guy: As a retired spy, he has a number of connections he used in his hunt for the cultists, despite his spy network not being in place.
- Tuxedo and Martini: Simon is clearly a homage to James Bond to begin with, but the trope particularly kicks in during the events of the final campaign, when he changes into a tuxedo and refuses to remove it.
- Utility Party Member: Built to be one, with his Spy Fiction back story being used to justify his information gathering skills and connections to get the party what they need.A Self Called Nowhere: When utilized properly, a well made/played support character is a fucking force multiplier for team effectiveness.
Kary
Jimmy's girlfriend, initially one of the cultists. She switches sides after they try sacrificing her and Jimmy.
- Heel–Face Turn: She leaves the cultists after being saved by Henderson and Will.
- Heel Realization: Being "volunteered" to be eaten as a sacrifice to her god made her realize that maybe the cultists weren't all so great after all.
- Improbable Infant Survival: Although unintended, she and Jimmy are the only members of the party to survive.
- Rescue Sex: After being rescued, she and Jimmy have sex in the back of Henderson's car.
Hastur
The King in Yellow, the Unspeakable One, H'azztre or Kaiwan. Many names, many faces. A Great Old One (or possibly Outer God) of the Cthulhu mythos who's worshipped by a cult in Henderson's home town.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: She may be in a frail human body, but she's still a god. She regains her power while drunk. Manipulated by Eli, but still.
- Gender Bender: Eeeeeh, downplayed. As a deity, he doesn't actually have a gender, but is generally referred to with male pronouns, and his title is "the King in yellow." Nyarlathotep reincarnates him as a girl. Knowing Nyarlathotep, it's probably some joke that goes over our head.
- Graceful Loser: When Henderson manages to permanently kill him, he's more impressed than anything. It should be noted this epilogue was being done by a different GM after the original did a literal table flip when Henderson killed him.
- Past-Life Memories: Not memories, but reincarnated Henderson gets her to reclaim her power while drunk.
