Due to the Show Within a Show nature, the characters in Noises Off and the characters they play in Nothing On are grouped separately. Actors listed performed the role in the film version.
Lloyd Dallas (Played by Michael Caine)
The director of Nothing On, a cynical and snarky man who wishes he had nothing to do with this disaster but must do what he can. In a relationship with Poppy, and just starting a relationship with Brooke, as the play begins.
- Adaptation Name Change: In the movie, his last name is swapped with Freddie's, making him Lloyd Fellowes.
- Deadpan Snarker: Many of the best, and most vicious, lines in the play are his.
- Love Triangle: He has apparently been involved with Poppy until this past weekend, which he spent with Brooke.
- May–December Romance: He's portrayed as older than both Brooke and Poppy, especially Brooke.
- Overly Narrow Superlative: The program describes him as winning the "South of Scotland Critics’ Circle Special Award".
Dotty Otley (Played by Carol Burnett)
An older actress, the top-billed star, and one of the backers of the play. She plays the role of Mrs. Clackett, the housekeeper. At the beginning of the play, she is in a romantic relationship with Garry Lejeune.
- Cool Old Lady: She's older than the rest of the cast (except Selsdon), but everyone seems to like her. (At least until the breakup with Garry.)
- May–December Romance: With Garry, who is much younger than she is.
- Theme Naming: Her previous roles listed in the program are very similar - Mrs. Clackett, Mrs. Hackett, Mrs. Duckett, and Fru Såckett.
Garry Lejeune (Played by John Ritter)
A younger actor who mostly works in Police Procedurals but who worked with Dotty in On The Zebras.
- Crazy Jealous Guy: After the breakup with Dotty just before Act II. He spends part of Act II chasing after Freddie with an axe.
- May–December Romance: With Dotty.
Brooke Ashton (Played by Nicollette Sheridan)
A young, attractive actress who is known for fanservice. Just started a relationship with Lloyd as of the start of the play. She wears contact lenses.
- Catchphrase: "Sorry?" when somebody has said something to her that went completely over her head.
- The Ditz: When she's acting, she's generally okay, but otherwise, she seems to be not all there mentally. She's completely incapable of acting outside the script; when things go wrong, she continues with her scripted lines even if she's at the wrong part of the play or her fellow actors are doing something different.
- Fanservice Extra: Her previous roles, as described in the program. These roles include "Girl in Massage Parlor" and "Girl in Room 312".
- Lingerie Scene: She spends more of the play in just her underwear than in her dress.
- Ms. Fanservice: Not just in Nothing On, where she strips down to her underwear early in Act I, but the program describes all of her previous roles this way."BROOKE ASHTON (Vicki) is probably best known as the girl wearing nothing but ‘good, honest, natural froth’ in the Hauptbahnhofbrau lager commercial."
- Running Gag: She keeps losing her contact lenses. Once, she loses one in her eye.
Frederick Fellowes (Played by Christopher Reeve)
A middle-aged actor known for working in medical dramas.
- Acting for Two: In-universe: he plays both Philip Brent and the Sheikh in "Nothing On".
- Adaptation Name Change: In the movie, his last name is swapped with Lloyd's, making him Frederick Dallas.
- Afraid of Blood: He gets a nosebleed from seeing somebody else bleeding. (Which makes one wonder how he survived working on medical dramas.)
- Nice Guy: After Dotty breaks up with Roger, he spends the evening with her just as a friend, trying to help her feel better.
Belinda Blair (Played by Marilu Henner)
A middle-aged actress who has been acting since she was four, most recently in sex farces such as "Who's Been Sleeping In My Bed?" and "Twice Two is Sex".
- Only Sane Man: She's the only one who seems to not be flipping out.
- Team Mom: Tries her hardest to be this for the rest of the company. Even when a performance descends into utter chaos, she’s the quickest on her feet and always manages to improvise to keep things moving, no matter how nonsensical and desperate these adlibs may be.
Selsdon Mowbray (Played by Denholm Elliott)
An older actor who has been performing his entire life. He's somewhat hard of hearing, and overly fond of sneaking off with a bottle of liquor.
- The Alcoholic: Much of Act I is spent worried that he'd found a bottle and was passed out somewhere; much of Act II is spent worried that Lloyd's bottle of whiskey was actually Selsdon's.
- Cloudcuckoolander: He's hard of hearing, but even when he hears something, there's a definite sense that his reality isn't aligned with anyone else's.
- The Pig-Pen: Implied and downplayed. Poppy talks about how there is a distinctive odor about him, leading to a Right Behind Me.
Tim Allgood (Played by Mark Linn-Baker)
The stage manager, and understudy for the male roles. Massively overworked and hasn't slept in 48 hours as of the beginning of the play.
- Butt-Monkey: Everything that has gone wrong is blamed on him to the point. He falls asleep on the floor in rehearsal.
Poppy Norton-Taylor (Played by Julie Hagerty)
The assistant stage manager, a massively-overworked woman trying to keep everything from falling apart. She is also understudy for the female roles. In a relationship with Lloyd at the beginning of the play.
- May–December Romance: With Lloyd, who is considerably older than her.
- One-Night-Stand Pregnancy: It's implied that Lloyd dropped her for Brooke during rehearsals, but in Act II, she's pregnant, and he's the father.
Mrs. Clackett (Dotty Otley)
The caretaker of the Brents' house while they're away in Spain. She's off early today, and all she wants to do is sit back and watch "the royal" with her newspaper and a nice plate of sardines.- Apron Matron: She's the housekeeper and (nominally) the only person in the house while the owners are in Spain.
Roger Tramplemain (Garry Lejeune)
An agent for Squire, Squire, Hackham, and Dudley. He has access to the house keys because he works for the leasing agents, and will be showing the house to an Arab Sheikh at four that afternoon. He's going to the house for a quick assignation with Vicki, knowing that it will be empty because it's Mrs. Clackett's afternoon off.Vicki (Brooke Ashton)
A young woman who works for Inland Revenue, and is working on the Brents' tax issues from the Basingstoke office. She's been told the house belongs to Roger, and is with him for a quick romp.- Long-Lost Relative: She's actually the burglar's daughter, who ran away from home.
- Ms. Fanservice: Spends almost all of Act I running around in her underwear.
Philip Brent (Frederick Fellowes)
Playwright, owner of the house, and husband of Flavia. He and his wife are living in Spain for tax reasons, but decided to stop in and visit for their wedding anniversary without Inland Revenue being aware. He knows that the house will be empty because it's Mrs. Clackett's afternoon off.
- Identical Stranger: With the Sheikh.
Flavia Brent (Belinda Blair)
Owner of the house and wife of Philip.
The Burglar (Selsdon Mowbray)
A burglar, breaking into the house and lamenting the much grander crimes he used to commit.
- Long-Lost Relative: He's Vicki's father.
The Sheikh (Frederick Fellowes)
An Arab Sheikh interested in renting the house from the Brents.
- Arab Oil Sheikh: Played completely straight; he's a rich oil sheikh who wants to rent a fancy house in England.
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Has no name given except 'The Sheikh'.
- Identical Stranger: With Philip.
