Characters / Macdonald Hall

Macdonald Hall

Bruno Walton

An incorrigible schemer, and the driving force behind almost all schemes that plague Macdonald Hall.

• Brainy Brunette: Dark haired and a Brilliant schemer.
• Berserk Button: Don't insult or try to change Macdonald Hall. Also don't make fun of his lucky penny.
• The Chessmaster: Shows shades of this. He doesn't plan things as thoroughly as most examples but he's always got a plan and a contingency or two up his sleeve.
• Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Boots.
• Large Ham: Prone to giving Rousing Speeches
• The Leader: Bruno and his wild passion and imagination tend to inspire whatever Zany Scheme takes up the majority of a given book. He tends to recruit lots of other people to help him with his plans.
• Not a Morning Person: He always gets up at 8:45 and rushes to get to his first class at 9:00.

Melvin "Boots" O'Neal

Bruno's best friend, who consistently tries and fails to keep him out of trouble.

• The Ace: Captain of the hockey team and swim team, co-captain and backup quarterback of the football team, and capable of getting straight A's when he puts his mind to it.
• Butt-Monkey: Always seems to suffer the most from Bruno's scams.
• Embarrassing First Name: To him, anyway.
• Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Bruno.
• The Lancer: To Bruno.
• Only Known by Their Nickname: Not as much as he might like.
  Boots: Nobody calls me Melvin.
• Only Sane Man: In spades.

Mr. William R. Sturgeon (aka The Fish)

Macdonald Hall's Headmaster.

• Actually Pretty Funny: He tries to hide it, but Mr. Sturgeon finds many of the boys' pranks and schemes amusing, especially when they target his Sit Com Archnemesis Ms. Scrimmage. He frequently laughs about them behind closed doors.
• Deadpan Snarker: He definitely has his moments—particularly when dealing with Miss Scrimmage.
• Early-Installment Weirdness: In the first book he's much less sympathetic. When he sees Boots being chased by an angry George with a cricket bat he mutter that he hopes George catches him, whereas later books have him much more fond of his students, including absolutely refusing to expel Bruno despite Wizzle being adamant to do so. This is less due to Characterization Marches On, and more due to him being completely fed up with Bruno's undue influence on Boots: the book specifically has him trying to get both to reach their actual potential, and failing, and getting frustrated by it.
• Happily Married: To his wife, Mildred.
• Only Sane Man: He comes across as this in between the students' antics and the other adults' neuroses. He often has to deal with the fallout of the craziness he sees. In The War With Mr. Wizzle, he's forced to talk down an angry Miss Scrimmage after Wizzle forces Sidney Rampulsky to take ballet classes at Miss Scrimmage's school and he completely destroys the studio, causing some $600 in damage.
• Reasonable Authority Figure: Despite the image he has cultivated, he's actually very fair, and all his students like and respect him.
• The Rival: Thomas Hartley, the Headmaster of York Academy - an equally (if not moreso) prestigious school that regularly competes with Macdonald Hall in both academics and athletics. Fear that parents may pull their sons out of Macdonald Hall and transfer them to York is a plot point for Go Jump in the Pool.
• Would Hit a Girl: In The War With Mr. Wizzle, he threatens Miss Peabody with his jiu-jitsu skills to get her to let Bruno and Boots go after she forces them to run laps for sneaking into Miss Scrimmage's school. He's mortified about it later on.

Elmer Drimsdale

Macdonald Hall's resident genius.

• Berserk Button: People messing with his science experiments.
• Cannot Talk to Women: His throat closes up around girls.
• Disguised in Drag: He has to dress as a cheerleader for a whole football game for one of Bruno's plans in The Zucchini Warriors, something that Elmer's lack of athleticism and nearsightedness-the girl he's impersonating doesn't wear glasses- turn into a disaster. Elmer is quite unhappy about the whole situation and only consents to the plan after Bruno signs a contract giving Elmer the right to sit out any future misadventures Bruno drags the gang into.
• Early-Installment Weirdness: In the first book he's more antagonistic to Bruno when the room together and is seemingly a loner with no interest in friends. From the second book onwards he's a close friend of Bruno and Boots as well as part of their larger social group, and very timid and soft spoken unless he hits his breaking point.
• Lovable Nerd: Elmer is the nerdiest student at Macdonald Hall, but while he avoids breaking the rules without a good reason, when he does see a good reason, he is also quick to volunteer to help out his friends with their mischief.
• The Smart Guy
• Teen Genius: Elmer is the best student in the school, with his room being full of advanced experiments.

Wilbur Hackenschleimer

Macdonald Hall's largest student and biggest eater.

• Big Eater: He's pretty much got a mini restaurant in his dorm room just for himself and bases most of his opinions/reactions on how they impact eating.
• The Big Guy: The school's largest student, capable of lifting a piano on his own despite being of middle school age.
• Berserk Button: Don't mess with his food. Also, don't shorten his name to "Hacken".
• Race Lift: In The Movie series he's played by a black actor, though still maintaining his strongly German last name.
• Stout Strength: Based on his eating habits he's presumably more chunky than muscular, but he's the school's champion weight lifter and strong enough to lift a piano.

Sidney Rampulsky

A very clumsy student.

• The Klutz: His entire character revolves around this. According to Bruno, he could trip over a moon beam.
• Only Known by Their Nickname: The other students usually call him "Butter Fingers".

Pete Anderson

A not-too-bright student who's also part of the boys' social group.

• The Ditz: Best exemplified when he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that you can't study for or fail an opinion test.
  Wizzle: Anderson, are you being deliberately dense?
  Pete: Sir?
  Wizzle: Never mind.
  • When asked for his opinion on the poet Keats he stopped to ask the teacher what a "keat" is.

Larry Wilson

The office messenger and friend of Bruno and Boots.

• Flat Character: He's the office messenger and once roomed with Sidney. That's pretty much the extent of his characterization. Even in the The Wizzle War he's the only boy who didn't have a vendetta against Wizzle, he just liked being on committees.
• The Mole: As the office messenger he usually gets information about changes in the school in advance and fills the other boys in.

Chris Talbot

The school artist.

• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: He's featured prominently in books 2-4 then seemingly disappears until the final book.

Perry Elbert

A student who tends to suffer from Bruno's schemes.

• Butt-Monkey: Suffers a lot of humiliation and personal injuries while helping with Bruno's schemes.
• Demoted to Extra: He has notable albeit tertiary roles for the first three books, then obly gets a few quick cameos and mentions.

George Wexford Smythe III

A wealthy student who is temporarily roommates with Boots.

• Blue Blood: He comes from a wealthy family with all kinds of inside information on major business deals, and is fairly snobbish towards everyone else.
• Hypochondria: He's obsessed with his health, and terrified of over-exerting himself, or catching a disease, to the point where he won't even set foot in the pool after being offered the honor of being the first person to use it.
• Pet the Dog: He does help save the day in the second book when the pool fund appears to be in jeopardy, with uncharacteristic grace and humor.
• Put on a Bus: Graduates off-screen between the second and seventh books.

Calvin Fizhgart

A boastful, yet cowardly student.

• Boisterous Weakling: Calvin loves bragging about his skills as an athlete and fighter, but has to leave a football game after getting a bruised elbow (although he has an amazing streak of skill in the championship game) and begs for his mother on the school camping trip when he thinks there's a leopard nearby.
• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Calvin has prominent roles in the fifth and sixth books, then goes unmentioned in the final novel.

Walter C. Wizzle

The new assistant headmaster of Macdonald Hall. A computer nerd who's obsessed with the unnecessary modernization of the school.

• Alliterative Name: Walter Wizzle.
• Arch-Enemy: To Bruno in The War with Mr. Wizzle.
• Deliberately Bad Example: His approach to education makes Mr. Sturgeon look like a positively angelic administrator.
• Foil: To Mr. Sturgeon. Both are dedicated educators but while the Fish is older, wiser, and more reasonable but ultimately a bit too old fashioned and out of touch, Wizzle is young, naive, and overly defensive, albeit brilliant in some areas.
• Happily Married: To Miss Peabody at the end of the book.
• Hidden Depths: In the movie version, he loves...puppies!!! It ends up bringing him and Miss Peabody together.
• Put on a Bus: To Hong Kong for a honeymoon. It was as far as the students could afford to send them.
• Well-Intentioned Extremist: He really did believe he was making the school better, he's just too naive to see that his ideas aren't as invaluable as he thinks.

Hank "The Tank" Carson

A former Macdonald hall student who went on to play pro football before retiring and opening a zucchini restaurant.

• Big Brother Mentor: To the team despite being more than old enough to be their father.
• Lightning Bruiser: Strong enough to carry a woman and two kids without strain, fast enough to take down Miss Scrimmage from a distance before she can pull the trigger on her shot gun.
• Nice Guy: Hands down the nicest adult in the series except maybe Mrs. Sturgeon.
• Rhyming Names: His nickname, "The Tank", rhymes with Hank.
• Stay in the Kitchen: Downplayed. Was quoted in a magazine saying girls can't play football during his playing days but seems to have abandoned that philosophy later in life.
  Carson: "Whoever said girls can’t play football?”
  Klapper: “Psst. You did, Sports Illustrated interview, 1979.”
  Carson: "Well, what do I know?

Jim Snow

Head of the Board of Trustees

• Idiot Ball: After being a very reasonable, down-to-Earth character in the first two books, in The War with Mr. Wizzle he is utterly convinced that Wizzle can do no wrong and refuses to hear a word said against his incompetent methods.
• Pointy-Haired Boss: When Mr. Sturgeon finishes a particularly frustrating phone call with Jim Snow, he frustratedly tells his wife Mildred that Snow probably knows even less about education than Wizzle does.

Miss Scrimmage's Finishing School For Young Ladies

Catherine "Cathy" Burton

Bruno's Distaff Counterpart and an accomplished schemer in her own right.

• Action Girl: Cathy loves charging out of the dorms to confront any threat to her friends, singlehandedly shoots dozens of other opponents with a paint gun during the war games in the fourth book, and becomes a star football player (while pretending to be a boy to the coaches) in the fifth book.
• Brainy Brunette: Dark haired and rivals Bruno as a brilliant schemer.
• The Lad-ette: She grew up with multiple brothers, so this is understandable.
• Large Ham: She loves rallying people into action, views tact and social grace as things to worry about later, and sometimes commandeers the school loudspeaker to announce unusual events.
• Sweet Polly Oliver: In The Zucchini Warriors.

Diane Grant

Boots's Distaff Counterpart and Cathy's best friend. Her efforts to keep Cathy out of trouble rarely bear fruit.

• Flat Character: Doesn't get much characterization outside of being Cathy's roommate and Boots' Distaff Counterpart.
• Girl Next Door: Diane is a wholesome and helpful person who lives next door to the boarding school and is generally happy when Boots comes by for a visit.
• Hair of Gold, Heart of Gold: Described as blonde and much more kind-hearted than her roommate.
• Not So Above It All: Diane is normally even more of an Only Sane Woman to Cathy than her boyfriend Boots is an Only Sane Man to Bruno, but she gets just as caught up in the Loony Fan hysteria over teen idol Jordie Jones in Macdonald Hall Goes Hollywood as any of the other girls.
• Only Sane Woman: Usually the one trying to keep Cathy grounded.

Miss Eugenia Scrimmage

The headmistress and bane of Mr. Sturgeons existence.

• Always Someone Better: Played for Laughs in a book when Macdonald Hall is first overall in the provincial rankings. Miss Scrimmage is more than a little embarrassed, since her school was ranked two hundred and seventeenth.
• Cool Old Lady: Sometimes. She's very prim and proper but she's badass enough to take on all threats with her shotgun and the girls are actually very fond of her.
• Foolish Husband, Responsible Wife: Averted. She's generally the one to overreact and cause trouble compared to the more reasonable Mr. Sturgeon.
• Mama Bear: Endanger her students at your own risk.
• Sitcom Archnemesis: With the Fish.

Miss Gloria Peabody

The new assistant headmistress in The War With Mr. Wizzle who also happens to be an ex marine.

• Catchphrase: "Balloonjuice!" She says it as a family-friendly alternative to "bullshit" whenever she declares that something is nonsense or ridiculous.
• Drill Sergeant Nasty: And how. She's got the girls doing morning calisthenics, marching and doing war games. Pretty unorthodox for a girls finishing school.
  • For younger tropers unfamiliar with the concept of a finishing school (which is considered somewhat dated, even back in the late seventies when the first book was published), a finishing school is where girls learn to be well mannered and traditionally "lady like".
• Happily Married: To Wizzle in the end of the book.
• Hidden Depths: In the movie version, she loves...puppies! It ends up bringing her and Mr. Wizzle together.
• Pet the Dog:
  • She genuinely compliments Cathy on her hard work in the marching contest and war games, and describes her to Wizzle as "the best kid in school" die to her spirit and character.
  • When she comes to Macdonald Hall to get the boys doing calisthenics, they take it as an opportunity to drive Wizzle into exhaustion. After she dismisses the boys, she compliments their spirit and drive to Wizzle.
• When She Smiles: In the book, the scheme to pair her up with Wizzle involves manipulating them into having dinner together at a fancy restaurant. Some of the Macdonald Hall students are watching on a security camera, and Bruno says Miss Peabody "isn't half-ugly" when she smiles.
• Worthy Opponent: It's implied she sees Cathy as this due to the effort Cathy puts into the war games, due to how desperate Cathy is to get away from her. She's actually smiling when she tells Cathy Miss Scrimmage wants her punished for foul language, implying that she wouldn't have punished Cathy if it were up to her.