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Heroes
Mark Leung
A brave man who spends his free time humbly meditating in bed. He has developed skills powerful enough to defeat Spice Girls on crack.
- Afro Asskicker: Gains one upon receiving "Black Power."
- BFS: Picks one up from his dorm room as his weapon.
- 11th-Hour Superpower: When Mark is nearly defeated in the final battle, Wonka's Spirit appears to him and he gains "Black Power."
- Kleptomaniac Hero: In his dorm room, the hero acquires the items "Roommate's Car Key" and "Roommate's Passport". Mark also steals "Roommate's Credit Card" mid-battle.
- Video Game Stealing: One of his skill is to steal, in which he uses to take an item off an enraged roommate while he is put to sleep.
Jesús Garbayo
Jesús Garbayo is a faithful Christian. He aspires to be a great wizard like David Radcliffe.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Jonathon the Roommate smacks Jesús for a whole 1 point of damage. Jesús then responds by trying to nuke him with Meteor (only failing because he didn't have enough MAGIC to cast it).
- Fire, Ice, Lightning: Has Fire, Ice and Thunder spells under his Magic arsenal.
- Heroic Sacrifice: When TI-83 appears to blow the place up, he stood in to hold it off. He Got Better.
- Meaningful Name: In the end he chooses to stay behind and confront the berserk TI-83 to buy Mark and Maria time to escape Diculous's lair. Three days later he emerges unscathed from the literal Easter Egg Mark buried earlier in the game.
Maria Garcia
Maria Garcia majors in medicine and Suburban Fishing. She likes sushi.
- Holy Hand Grenade: Has Holy as one of her magic spells that deals offensive damage.
- Status Effects: One of her spells let her inflict Sleep to an enemy.
- Summon Magic: She is able to summon Guardian Forces to damage enemies.
Allies
Leviathan
When strange pillars appeared in the middle of the school, Maria suggests to head to Sea Serpent Grotto to consult Leviathan the guardian force.
- Making a Splash: Attacks with a powerful Tidal Wave.
- Toilet Humor: Leviathan's 'holy water' that is intended to purify the Chocolate Tree. He even created one in front of the party!
Willy Wonka
Mark's long lost father. He transformed into the Chocolate Tree to protect his factory from backlash cause by his own poor decision-making.
Enemies and Villains
Frat Boy
One of the first enemies Mark encounters. Wields a bottle like a club, yet can't see what's in front of him.
- Grievous Bottley Harm: Attack with a beer bottle like it's his weapon.
Science Professor
One of the first enemies Mark encounters. Specializes in elemental "magic", and when in a pinch, transforms into a robot coded TI-83.
- Playing with Fire: Know Bunsen Burner, a fire spell that burns the target directly to deal damage.
- Poisonous Person: Parodied. Knows Biology, a "bio" spell that hits Mark with a barrage of wild life that also poisons him.
Dick Cheney
An annoying enemy the party encounters a few times. Favors hit-and-run tatics.
George Bush
Accompanies Dick Cheney on the party's second encounter. Has the ability to summon another enemy, only to kill them.
Tony Blair
An enemy George Bush can summon in battle, though George is too insane to use him effectively.
Diculous
The one behind spreading Vegetaria to force people into eating vegetables. Somehow made past the Chocolate Factory despite its security system.
- Big Bad: He is the one responsible for spreading Vegetaria, leaving people with no choice but to eat only vegetables.
- Evil Vegetarian: Diculous, being a vegetarian himself, aims to kill off non-Vegetarian humanity.
- Kamehame Hadoken: Used by Real Diculous.
- Logical Weakness: Being a devout vegetarian, Diculous is weak against meat.
- Samus Is a Girl: After Mark and Maria reveal to him that they are his parents, Diculous took off his helmet and reveals that she is their daughter.
Other Characters
Jonathan
Jonathan is a student who shares a dorm room with Mark. He does not like his things taken without permission.
Janators
The cleaners of the campus who have been transformed into obstructive chairs. Apparently, magic is not enough to free them from their curses.
