In the blog of Mark Reads Harry Potter, SHIT GETS REAL AND YOU ARE NOT PREPARED! Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Harry Potter.
After suffering through The Twilight Saga, Mark decided to embark on the project of reading Harry Potter (which they'd never read before) and review it on their blog one chapter at a time and even though at the beginning they were not quite sold now it's REAL HARD because THIS SERIES IS SO AMAZING AND ADDICTIVE AND J. K. ROWLING IS A FUCKING GENIUS! they WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS SHIT! CHECK IT OUT RIGHT NOW!
The result was an epic, five-month journey through all seven books of the Harry Potter series, finishing the series on October 30th, 2010. they are now re-reading the series.
See also Mark Reads Twilight. Mark is also now branching into other series, including Firefly, The Hunger Games and Doctor Who. Check them out!
Tropes include:
- Aborted Arc: Mark gave up reading My Immortal after a rape joke in Chapter 20.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Before their review of Goblet of Fire Chapter 10, Mark says "There's also a great deal of commentary on slavery, oppression, privilege, and why Percy is so goddamn annoying."
- Author Catchphrase:
- "Shit gets real" and "you are/I am not prepared", the latter having been started by their followers during their The Twilight Saga blog.
- Their friend Kasper coined the phrase, "Haters, please familiarize yourself with the left-hand evacuation procedure", which Mark now uses regularly.
- They eat potato babies because they is a godless sodomite. Which is now a gif. Mostly it's just the potato babies that people quote.
- They begin all their reviews with a short summary of the chapter, followed by "Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Harry Potter."
- GIFs. Lots and lots of GIF love.
- "Die in a fire." and variations, when referring to characters they doesn't like.
- Berserk Button:
- The presence of Malfoy or Umbridge will almost certainly piss them off. Especially Umbridge.Mark: You worthless, authority-obeying, mindless piece of shit. I cannot remember a literary character EVER filling me with this much rage, contempt, and disgust AND GUYS I HAVE READ THE ENTIRE FUCKING TWILIGHT SERIES. I will seriously take the entire four books of Bella whining over EVER reading this fucking BULLSHIT, SHITTY PERSON’S WORDS EVER AGAIN.
- Two downplayed ones with regard to Rowling's writing: her habit of recapping the previous story in each book's first few chapters, and her habit of Harry finding things out by overhearing conversations.
- The presence of Malfoy or Umbridge will almost certainly piss them off. Especially Umbridge.
- Bold Inflation: The opening to this page should give you an idea how Mark uses ALL CAPS to MAKE A POINT. Also italics, regular bold text, and sometimes even ENLARGED TEXT. And random mashing of the keyboard for rage.
- Disproportionate Retribution:
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Please stop posting any sort of spoilers or hints to the future in the comments or I will Voldemort your entire family and then create a basilisk to eat you alive. - During Chapter 3 of Order of the Phoenix, Mark inserts themselves into the story to express their excitement at seeing the return of both Lupin and Moody. Everyone finds them annoying, and Moody eventually stuffs them into the Dursleys' oven and turns the heat up to maximum. they Gets Better.
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- Early-Installment Weirdness: Mark's reviews of the first few chapters of the first book were snarky and condescending. Then they was won over by the chapter where Hagrid shows up at the Hut-on-the-Rock and then all was right with the world. Those first few chapters were a holdover from the other series they had read and blogged about: Mark hated Twilight with a passion.
- Fanboy: They unabashedly adore the series, faults and all. Although they are quick to bash any faults they find, but most of the time something else that's awesome distracts them.
- Formula-Breaking Episode: Mark has reviewed chapters from the point of view of characters, including Hedwig more than once, transcribed IM conversations they had with their friend Kasper while reading the chapter for the first time, and more.
- Hypocritical Humor: Chapter 4 of Order of the Phoenix has Mark semi-seriously telling Harry to, among other things, stop yelling at people, in all-caps.
- Horrible Judge of Character:
- In one isolated incident, Mark gave this prediction about Umbridge in Chapter 11 of Order of the Phoenix.I don't feel she's evil anymore. Shoot me. I know we're supposed to think she's this forboding character who will fuck everything up, but come on. She cannot be that bad just because she's "traditional" in some sense. I mean, she will probably be difficult, but it'll be an interesting way to bring up some sort of conflict between Harry and her. Or maybe Hermione. But yeah.I'm not buying this whole "YOU SHOULD TOTALLY HATE HER IMMEDIATELY" thing.
- You can guess how they responded to the following two chapters.OH, JUST FUCK EVERYTHING. Do you know how unbelievably embarrassed I am for that last review? Do you realize how foolish I feel at this very moment for what I wrote?We are not going to talk about Binns. We are not going to talk about Snape. We are not going to talk about Trelawney. We are not going to talk about how this chapter has suddenly turned into Harry Potter and the Bickering Bickerers.We are going to talk about Dolores FUCKING Umbridge.I’ll just start off this way:FUCK. YOU.
- In one isolated incident, Mark gave this prediction about Umbridge in Chapter 11 of Order of the Phoenix.
- Killed Mid-Sentence: Poor Hedwig :'(2020: THAT'S IT. AS SOON AS I GET OUT OF THIS CAGE, I'M GOING TO START PECKING EYES OUT. IT'S ABOUT TIME HEDWIG GOT HER REV—
- Lighter and Softer: Mark Reads Twilight was Mark constantly ranting at the sheer stupidity of the characters, the plot destruction, the racism, etc., while this blog is Mark thoroughly enjoying reading a good series.
- Mad Libs Catchphrase: [Person] [verbs] all the [nouns]. (Hermione knows all the things, Umbridge should die in all the fires).
- Medium Awareness: A staple of their Harry Potter: A Play segments.HARRY: You wouldn't believe it. I just spied on a secret conversation between Snape.[Dramatic music.]HARRY: they is TOTALLY planning on stealing the Sorcerer's Stone.[Music rises in pitch and tempo.]HARRY: I think Quirrell put some anti-Dark Arts spell on the room, too!]HARRY: I don't know. It's been following me all day.HERMIONE: Wait, so...Quirrell is the only thing protecting the Sorcerer's Stone?RON: Dudes. That's like trying to protect a vault with tissue paper.NEVILLE: DUN DUN DUN.NEVILLE: What? I thought it fit.
- "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: Sometimes shows up in their footnotes when quoting directly from the source material during their Harry Potter: A Play reviews.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: It's pretty clear how much Mark loves Hagrid: The first chapter hr's introduced, Mark already wants to marry him. Bear in mind that Mark generally has no interest in marriage, as their Twilight reviews made clear.
- Script Fic: The Harry Potter: A Play segments, another holdover from their Twilight reviews.
- Take That!: Quite a few against The Twilight Saga.
- These typically take the form of Mark mocking Stephenie Meyer whenever they find a good example of Show, Don't Tell, the lack of such in Twilight being an early complaint they had.
- In the last chapter of Deathly Hallows, Mark has Cedric go up to Harry and co and talk about how he's "spent the last five years trapped inside a book that glorifies abuse, shame, and mediocrity" following their death, a reference to the fact that him and Edward Cullen are portrayed by the same actor.
- You Are Not Ready: YOU ARE NOT PREPARED.
