Halloween II: A young man wants to reunite with his long-lost sister. His closest thing to a father figure doesn't support him.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch: A sleazy alcoholic antagonizes a jovial Irishman who just wants to share his cultural traditions with the children of America. The young man from the former two movies cameos on a TV.
Happy Feet: Several layers of social commentary, wrapped in a 'first contact' subtext, taped with religious and mythic connotations, and directed by George Miller, to boot. Oh, and there's tap-dancing. In Antarctica.
Happy-Go-Lucky: A schoolteacher takes driving classes and has a social life.
Happy Together: Two gay Chinese guys get stuck in Argentina and argue a lot.
A Hard Day's Night: A pop band and a grandfather spend time in a train and a room, and a car and a room, and a room and a room. They all then get chased by the police and perform a concert.
Help!: A drummer from a pop band gets on the wrong side of an Indian death cult and a Mad Scientist with funding issues because of a new ring.
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone: A boy discovers he has a talent and goes to a school for his talent, where the teachers, as in real life, are either good or bad.
Alternate: Orphan discovers his parents enrolled him in boarding school before they died. He kills one of his teachers and doesn't want to go home for the summer. He's the hero.
A shy and good natured man who loves animals gets sent across an ocean to try to stop his former teacher's ex husband from getting his hands on a Tyke Bomb before it's too late.
The teacher tries to get the animal loving man to go to Paris to fight his ex husband but he only agrees to go to see his crush and clear up a misunderstanding between them.
The immigrant is brought in to stop an election fraud plot.
The teacher and his ex husband briefly reunite for a date in a restaurant that goes badly. When the teacher suggest they destroy their magical wedding ring, the ex husband unsuccessfully sends his long lost nephew (the Tyke Bomb) to try to kill him.
The Hateful Eight: A bunch of people stop at a hotel. One man deduces something's up because of chairs, jelly beans, and an apparent lack of racism. They all kill each other.
The Haunted Mansion (2003): A workaholic and his kids try to stop a creepy butler from making the workaholic's wife marry a ghost. It's based on a theme park ride.
Hausu: A girl invites her friends to visit her grandma at her vacation home. They find a cat along the way. Then everything goes to hell.
Heat: Two workaholics find themselves in direct competition as each aims to completely screw up the other's plans, as all the while their personal lives implode spectacularly. The highlight of the movie is a scene in which the two meet for the first time, have a friendly coffee and pleasantly and calmly discuss why exactly they're trying to screw each other over.
Heathers: A popular girl falls for a bad boy as they plan to blow up their school. Hijinks ensue.
Heavy Metal: A very horny evil ball monologues to the girl it's about to kill. Features lots of sex, including with robots, and aliens doing coke.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army: Elven attempt at saving the Earth from those foolish humans meets demonic resistance. The demon is the good guy.
Or: The scattered members of a once powerful, noble, ancient magical race have a family reunion in an American sewer and immediately start to quarrel over the remote control.
Hellraiser: A man recovering from a terminal illness has an affair with his brother's wife. Later, his niece plays with a Rubik's cube and hangs out with some kinky goths.
Hellbound: Hellraiser II: The in-law from that affair starts to date the niece's doctor. This leads the niece to crash the goths' home seeking a mute girl who plays with a Rubik's cube.
Help! I'm a Fish: Three kids get turned into fish due to an Absent-Minded Professor being concerned with the environment. Hilarity doesn't ensue, as another fish goes on an ego trip, and tries to become king of the sea. The fish sounds like Alan Rickman.
Alternatively: Three kids turn into sea creatures because an Absent-Minded Professor is worried about the environment. Soon, they discover that the antidote that was supposed to make them human again gave some fish intelligence. Oh yeah, and Alan Rickman's in it.
Henry Poole Is Here: The struggles of a California man with an inconvenient spot on his wall.
Hercules: A blue dude kick his nephew off of a mountain in order to kick his brother off of the mountain eighteen years later. It does not work.
Hidden Figures: Technological breakthroughs are stymied by inadequate restroom facilities until the computers revolt.
The Hidden Fortress: Some people in shorts go travelling through the Japanese countryside.
High Fidelity: A self-absorbed, broke music store owner is dumped by his lawyer girlfriend, and is bitter about it. Gets over it by hanging out with his employees and sleeping with one of the Cosby children. Later goes into business with teenagers who once tried to rob him.
High Noon: We have to watch Gary Cooper's every move for over an hour. The rest of the town tries to get him to just go away. Most people seem dissatisfied with his choices, including himself. At one point there's a heated debate in which everyone decides not to do anything.
High Plains Drifter: Mysterious stranger takes a bath and paints the town red.
Alternately: A man begins his reign of terror over a town by raping a woman. He's the hero.
Highlander: Super-centenarian travels to New York to claim a prize.
His Girl Friday: Editor attempts to persuade retiring journalist to cover execution by repeatedly framing insurance agent for minor misdemeanors.
The Hitcher: Young man picks up a hitchhiker, whom he kicks out after a tiff; the guy keeps giving him presents and a waitress does some serious stretching.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005): The world ends, everyone dies. When the world is restarted at the end of the movie, the hero is offered the chance to adjust the world, making the world have more or less of anything. He decides not to interfere, and he goes traveling instead. This is supposed to be a comedy.
Hive Mind (2009): A film consisting entirely of a guy sitting around in a basement while talking to his imaginary friend and looking at naked women.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Small man roped into a travel steals a piece of jewelry from a man with multiple personality disorder.
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies: The rich guy dies, bringing lots of people to join the small people at his former house. The negotations on how to split the plunder get violent.
Holes: A boy is accused of stealing shoes even though he didn't. He's sent to a desert to dig holes as punishment.
Home (2015): A race of aliens conquer the entirety of planet Earth within 24 hours, before one of them accidentally dooms the entire planet by sending the wrong person a party invitation.
Home Alone: Family comedy about a young child who is abandoned by his family and robbed in his own home. On Christmas Eve.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York: Family comedy about a young child inflicting incredibly graphic and brutal torture on two comic bunglers. Still on Christmas Eve.
Home Alone 3: Family comedy about a young child with chicken pox. Not the same one as in the previous two films but this one is aided by a parrot and a mouse. Not on Christmas Eve.
Horrible Bosses: Three friends plot to murder their employers... and it's a comedy.
The Host (2006): Dysfunctional family band together to save youngest member from giant lungfish that may or may not be carrying SARS.
Hot Fuzz: Model one-man British police force gets transferred from his crime-infested city to a town where nothing bad ever happens. His partner, a fat guy who loves Buddy Cop Shows, wants to make his life exciting again. Lots of Ho Yay ensues.
Police officer ruins village inspection.
Hotel Transylvania: Dad doesn't want his daughter to date an ordinary guy.
How to Marry a Millionaire: Three popular actresses plot a get-rich-quick scheme by vainly chasing men around New York City. A TV series, which is actually worse than this, is known to exist, but only because the girl who replaced the most popular of three said actresses is a genie.
The Howling (1981): Woman is romantically pursued by supernatural stalker named Edward. Based on the popular novel of the same name.
How to Train Your Dragon: Scrawny young teen stops a seven-generation long war and impresses his dad by eating a raw fish that his best friend spit back up. Cuteness ensues.
Alternate: Pretty girl ignores nerd until he gets a new ride.
Alternate alternate: Boy tries to follow his father's footsteps in pest control, but realizes his true calling is animal husbandry.
How to Train Your Dragon 2: Scrawny young man is surprised to find common ground with a long-lost relative, then tries (and fails) to reason with a homicidal maniac.
The Hudsucker Proxy: After industrialist commits suicide, board of directors appoint naive mail-room clerk to position of CEO, whereupon he promptly invents the hula-hoop.
Hugo: A squatter's broken toy leads an old man to confront his past.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame: A government official tries to rape Demi Moore and emotionally abuses a handicapped man who talks to architecture. It's a musical.
Hunger: A member of Parliament starves to death. Meanwhile, prison guards clean up lots of bodily fluids.
The Hunger Games: Girl gets stuck in some woods, and tries to leave them with her neighbor.
The Hunt for Red October: A newly widowered Lithuanian fisherman takes revenge by stealing something that does not belong to him, and the ensuing manhunt is complicated by some loud-mouthed, vulgar foreigners who want what he stole, as well as their constant in-fighting. It was meant to be topical and relevant, but it became less so during pre-production due to unforeseen changes in circumstance. Still did well due to high production values and over-the-top acting.
The Hurt Locker: Two guys have to put up with a new co-worker who enjoys their job a little too much. Explosive levels of angst ensue.
Hustle & Flow: Pimp loves his girls, raps about beating them.
