Ass Shove / Live-Action TV

Ass Shoves in live-action TV.

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• Played non-comedically in 13 Reasons Why, where Tyler gets a mop shoved up his ass after being jumped and beaten by Monty and his goons.
• Justified in All Creatures Great and Small (1978), since veterinarians sometimes must insert one arm into a cow's rectum to feel for problems with a calf or to guide something they're doing in the uterus.
  • In one story, James is routinely taking a cow's temperature and the thermometer suddenly disappears inside her, so he has to get soaped up and go digging for it. This is why, before the advent of digital thermometers, one always tied a string to the non-business end of one's thermometer. Those who still use glass thermometers still do this.
  • Also shows up in the subsequent adaptation, All Creatures Great & Small (2020), naturally. In the first episode, James also sticks his arm up a cow's birth canal to help get her calf out. It turns out to be quite painful when she experiences a contraction.
• In a season 3 episode of Babylon 5, Sheridan has to remove his communicator before going into a room to negotiate it with a terrorist. He initially tries to hide it inside his shirt, so Garibaldi can listen in for clues, but Garibaldi points out (correctly, as it turns out), that the terrorist would think to look there. The solution they come up works a bit better, albeit with the drawback that they can hear what Sheridan had for lunch.
  • And his touch-activated comlink beeps when he sits down, tipping off the terrorist.
• Blackadder
  • The second series has the "Baby-Eating Bishop of Bath and Wells" who belongs to a group of clergy who were Loan Sharks. If you didn't pay on time, out came (or perhaps in went) the red-hot poker.
  • In Blackadder the Third, when Prince George describes what the Naughty Hellfire Club does to people who don't pay their dues:
    Prince George: They pull your breeches down and push a large radish right up your—
    Blackadder: —yes! Yes! Yes! All right!... There's no need to hammer it home.
    Prince George: As a matter of fact they do often have to—
    Blackadder: No, NO!
• Quite often happens in Bottom, both in the TV show and the theatre/movie spin-offs. Items inserted include a pencil, a policeman's baton (complete with side-handle), a stick of dynamite and the entire contents of the next-door flat.
• In The Boys (2019), Frenchie figures out how to kill the impenetrable-skinned Translucent... by inserting C4 in his rectum. Later, Hughie detonates the C4 by remote.
  Frenchie: (to Translucent) Ass bomb.
  • In a later season, during a superhero orgy, the supe Termite shrinks himself down and shoves himself into his male partner's rectum so he can massage the inside. Unfortunately Termite sneezes and expands, killing the guy. Frenchie witnesses this, so Termite attempts to kill Frenchie in similar fashion.
• Call the Midwife takes place during the heyday of the pre-childbirth enema.
  Sister Evangelina: High, hot, and a hell of a lot!
• In the first two episodes of Chris Ryan's Strike Back, John Porter takes a moment (before walking into a terrorist trap) to wrap a swiss army knife in cling-wrap and insert it into his ass. After being captured and verifying that the terrorists are holding the woman he's trying to rescue, he removes the knife and uses it to escape his cell.
• The Colbert Report did a segment where Stephen volunteered for a proctoscopy as part of a stealth Take That! to Glenn Beck.
• Mason from Dead Like Me once tried to smuggle drugs in a condom or balloon he stuck up his ass. Then a drug-sniffing dog caught him, and the security people did a cavity search (and didn't find the balloon, but did rip it; intoxication and something very loud and unpleasant in a bathroom stall ensued). Even worse—Mason was an undead Reaper. Meaning he technically overdosed to DEATH but still had to live through the feeling of overdosing to death.
• From the Sci-Fi Channel movie Deathlands: Homeward Bound. The protagonists have been invited to dinner by the local Baron. As he's a mad despot that many would love to kill they're naturally searched by his Sec Men first.
  J.B. I can't believe they found every single one of my weapons!
  Jak: Even the one you hide up your ass?
  J.B. Shove it up your ass!
• Strongly implied in Dinosaurs. It was mentioned when Fran was a girl, she once fell through the roof and landed on her father while he was cleaning his pipe. They never found the pipe, but Grandpa Louie walked funny after that.
• Doctor Who: In "Bad Wolf", after being hit by the defabricator ray, Captain Jack produces a small foldable gun out of nowhere while completely naked.
  Zu-Zana: But... that's a Compact Laser Deluxe!
  Trin-E: Where were you hiding that?!
  Jack: (Beat) You really don't wanna know.
• On ER, someone asked Carter what the strangest thing he'd ever removed from someone's rectum was. He thought for a moment and replied, "Bowling trophy."
• Everybody Hates Chris: Main character and Butt-Monkey Chris is pretending to be a Jerkass in order to impress his crush. That ends when he inadvertently yells at his own mother. There is a dramatic heartbeat during the Discretion Shot, followed by a scene in the hospital where the doctor mentions that, while it could be removed, the shoe was a goner. Insert a truly revealing X-ray for a Funny Moment.
• Game of Thrones:
  • It's ambiguous whether Brienne's vindictive stabbing of a rapist in "Valar Morghulis" is this or Groin Attack.
  • Ellaria threatens the immense Aero Hotah with one in "The House of Black and White."
  • In "No One", a brigand playful shoves his finger into one of his partner's butt, making the victim jump back and curse him.
• Get a Life!: Chris Eliot attempted to befriend a group of toughs despite being warned against it by Brian Doyle-Murray. Chris tries to join the street gang by asking them to play jacks. Cut to Chris painfully returning from the encounter.
  Brian: Did they make you eat your jacks?
  Chris: No. (pause) ...but they're inside me.
• An episode of Holby City involved a doctor shoving a flower into a patient's arse in revenge for his racism towards her.
• House
  • A patient has an MP3 player shoved up his rear in the episode "Occam's Razor".
    House: Is it the size? The shape? Or just the pounding bass line?
  • House also won second place in a weekly "weirdest thing pulled out of an orifice" contest with a laser pointer. The winning item rhymed with "fucchini".
  • What caused the majority of his problems in Season 3 was leaving a rectal thermometer inside Tritter... for two hours. To be honest, you could have stuck a rectal thermometer anywhere on Tritter since he was a complete ass. Worse than it sounds though, because Tritter was bent over when he did it, and if he were to move too much, it would shatter inside him.
• At the end of the installment of Joe Schmo 2^note A "reality show" in which all except the chosen "schmoes" were actors working from a script in which Eleanor "The Weeper" grows a spine and quits, she tells Austin that he can take his pearl necklace and half-hearted locket and shove them up his ass. This is re-played in the recap of the episode leading into the next episode, resulting in this...
  Derek: Did he? Find out now on Joe Schmo 2.
• Kamen Rider Decade
  • In the Den-O arc, the Final Attack Ride for Den-O involves attaching the DenGasher to Yuusuke, who is in the form of the Kuuga Gouram, making an Epic Flail. There was a cut to Yuusuke grabbing his ass in surprise when the connection was made, and then, when Den-O starts swinging him around, he was howling in pain...
  • The Den-O/Decade movie, which is directly related to the events above, features Momotaros stranded in the past. Several villagers mistake him for the oni they were fighting, and Momo winds up getting an arrow right on the, uh... yeah.
• In the Australian television show Lawrence Leung's Unbelievable, Lawrence received a colonoscopy For Science!! and in the name of interplanetary communications. It was only afterwards that someone told him he wouldn't see results for about two hundred years.
• Lovecraft Country:
  • Ruby delivers an absolutely brutal one to her racist and misogynistic supervisor. With a four-inch high heel.
  • One of Ji-Ah's tails is clearly seen going up Byung Ho's anus, if only via silhouette.
• In one episode of Malcolm in the Middle, Francis gets into an argument with his friends on whether his body can hold 100 marshmallows. Francis proceeds to eat a hundred to prove himself right . . . by 96, he's lying moaning on the floor. One of his friends points out: "We never said he had to eat them - they just have to be inside his body." At which point Francis grabs the last four and swallows them.
• Married... with Children did it too, naturally.
  • An implied version occurs in "Assault and Batteries." Kelly, having been hit by a frisbee thrown by Bud, gets in a fight with him. Buck thinks there's "no way she can get that frisbee to fit there." Bud is heard screaming offscreen, and Buck thinks "Well, I'll be damned."
  • In the Episode "The Agony and the Extra C," Jefferson ends up in the hospital. They look at the X-ray. There up in his lower colon is one of the boots Marcy was wearing in the previous scene. This was Marcy's reaction to seeing Jefferson's tattoo, which was screwed up to read "I Love Marty."
• In the last episode of the fourth series of Misfits, one of the sins to which Rudy confesses involves inserting a large Mars bar into his arse.
  • In the Vegas special, Nathan teleported a casino chip up Marnie's vagina and later pulls a rabbit out of his ass using his Reality Warper powers.
• On MythBusters, one of the tests required a rectal thermometer and Adam Savage. Both he and the paramedic doing it seemed to take it well, with Adam quipping, "Oh Sanjay, will you still respect me tomorrow?"
• Defied in the NCIS episode "Chained". Tony refuses to let Abby plant a tracking device up his butt.
• Nova:
  • Poor David Pogue has to wear a rectal probe to track his core temperature when testing out US Army extreme weather gear in "Making Stuff Colder". The look on his face when the Army people tell him this is hilarious.
  • This is how an ultrasound is performed on a pregnant cow in "The Realities of Gene Editing with CRISPR"
• Red Dwarf
  • In Backwards, the crew accidentally discovers a parallel universe in which time runs backwards, to the effect that the natives speak backwards, walk backwards, wars are happy occasions on which millions of dead people come back to life, pub brawls end up cleaning up the pub ("Unrumble!"), food gets un-eaten, beer goes from your mouth back into the mug and from the mug back into the tap, and so on. Unfortunately, just before the Dwarfers leave, the Cat decides to take a crap in the bushes, and the other can't warn him in time... Cat appears from the bushes with a horrified expression and his hair standing on end and walks stiff-legged into the shuttlecraft, avoiding the others' eyes.
  Cat: Don't ask!!
  • In "Back in the Red", Starbug accidentally flies into the backside of a giant rat. Holly deadpans, "Hope we don't get stopped by the cops. They don't like it when you're rat-arsed."
  • Then there was the time Lister tried to get his guitar strings back.
    Lister: I didn't realise I played the guitar that badly...
    Rimmer: Didn't you get a clue the time I tried to insert it in you?
    Lister: Yeah... it would have been easier if you'd used the neck end.
• In Robot Wars, due to Matilda's design incorporating what is effectively a bare bottom, she has become victim to the robotic version of this on a few occasions, especially from Razer's pincer.
• On Sanctuary, Helen Magnus has an uncanny ability to produce a gun at any given moment. When asked where she produces these guns, actress Amanda Tapping suggests that Magnus pulls them from her "gun bum".
• The Saturday Night Live recurring sketch "Appalachian Emergency Room" always ended with Tyler (played by Chris Parnell) who had something "accidentally" stuck up there, and his justifications for it.
  • A later spoof advertisement for the "Hands Free Selfie Stick" very quickly revealed that it worked this way.
• Scrubs
  • Dr. Cox is looking at an X-ray film print:
    Dr. Cox: Either this kid has a light bulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea.
  • To say nothing of the Ass Box, which was made entirely of things taken out of that area.
    "... I was bored."
• Seinfeld
  • The episode "The Fusilli Jerry" has Kramer expounding on the comedy inherent in the proctology profession.
    Kramer: Have you ever met a proctologist? Well, they usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never! It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way: "It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one."
  • Later in that episode, sure enough, Frank Costanza falls onto Kramer's title pasta model, and it gets... lodged up there. Last line of the episode is him saying, "It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one."
• Shameless (US)
  • Sheila Jackson is revealed to have a pegging fetish and has a collection of some big huge dildos and toys for it.
  • In the first episode of the third season, Frank wakes up in Mexico without any identification. He puts cocaine up his butt and smuggles it across the border in exchange for a fake ID. His experiences with Sheila's pegging fetish enables him to shove a large quantity up his rectum to the point that he was able to hide one little package of coke for himself. He even thanks Sheila for it.
• Starved has a character who uses enemas as a method of weight control. During his second enema he compares his technician, who he is dating, to a prostitute. Offended, she leaves him to overfill. Played for Laughs.
• Still Game has Creator/Craiglang's resident war veteran, Shug, describing some of his adventures as a communications officer with the Commandos as he fixes Jack & Victor's answering machine. Actually, a subversion.
  Shug: Ye see, ye would think that this (*holds up very small tape) wid be the smallest tape ye could get. Not so! Durin' the war we were issued wi' smaller ones tae take tae the Resistance—when ye were crossing borders ye' had tae secrete them aboot yer person. D'ye ken where I kept mine?
  Victor: (Looking bored and smug) Let me guess Shug, up yer arse?
  Shug: Naw Victor. That would be the first place they'd look. I tucked them intae my bell-end.
• An episode of Supernatural has Dean retrieve an object from the trunk of the Metallicar. Thanks to some general douchebaggery from The Trickster in this episode, Sam was the car. He comments about how uncomfortable it feels. Later:
  "Where did you get that Holy Oil?"
  "You could say we pulled it outta Sam's ass."
• Survivor: Richard Hatch smuggled a set of matches between his butt cheeks in All-Stars. Since then, it is required that contestants are strip-searched prior to filming.
• In the Teachers (2016) episode "Jacob," Ms. Snap dares Ms. Bennigan to shove a bottle up her butt. She does so off-screen.
• That '70s Show has a Running Gag where Eric's very grumpy and snarky father Red would threaten to shove his foot up people's asses whenever they pissed him off, but he never went through it during the show's run. In the Grand Finale Hyde calls him out on it, asking him if he's ever actually done that. Red then says that he did do it once back on Iwo Jima, but the details are too gruesome for him to say, which is pretty bad considering that Hyde is the only other guy on the show that Red sees as mature and grown up (not even Bob, the only other grown male on the show).
  • Red varied the exact wording to make it topical. The page for Red Foreman on the show's dedicated wiki has an extensive list of foot-in-ass quotes. This Very Wiki also documented the list Just for Fun and is most likely still the most extensive list thereof.
  • In Sequel That '90s Show Eric proceeds to threaten to put his foot up Leia's ass when she threatens to disobey him. Kitty and Donna are disappointed (and Eric later compared it to going over to the Dark Side). But Red?
  "I have never been prouder!"
• Top Gear: Jeremy Clarkson claimed to have been rectally violated by the gearstick of his truck in the Season 12 lorries challenge.
  James May: (voiceover) After the gear lever had been removed from Jeremy's bottom...
• In a skit on The Tracey Ullman Show, Tracy played the wife of a proctologist and sung the song "Goldfinger."
• An episode of Vanguard on Prison Contraband documented the things that prisoners snuck into prison and how they snuck them in. This included "keistering".
• In Veronica Mars, a man got drugged and had an Easter egg stuck up his ass. Though most of the other women on the show laughed at it, Veronica pointed out the Double Standard of their response.

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