School bullying is not harmless. It's real, it's mean, and can be very harmful to those whom it happens to. So why does this idea persist? Perhaps, like any trope, it's because there is truth within certain aspects of it. For example, it is true that bullying doesn't just happen for no reason. Bullies are insecure, and may have been bullied in the past. Their reasons for bullying are very real in their mind, even if they can't fully express them. But no matter what the reason, bullying is wrong, and is not a problem that can be solved easily. It is also a view of adults looking back on childhood with rose-colored glasses, wishing for their youth back and therefore forgetting or justifying to themselves that certain aspects "weren't so bad" when they actually were. The same thinking fuels Best Years of Your Life which is a nostalgic fantasy of aging adults who dream of a time before bills, gray hair, and raising children of their own.
Perhaps this shows up because of a false idealism, or a simple misunderstanding on the part of the people who express this in media and work it into shows or other works. With bullying in the news much lately, this is disappearing in part in favor of a more accurate portrayal of bullying and how to handle it and rightly so. Unless it disappears entirely, though, it's important to remember the truth. Bullying hurts, and there are real things that can be done about it. Those that are buillied or teased can seek safety in numbers, learn to clearly express themselves, and if needed, seek the help of an adult they trust, one they know won't just dismiss their problems, even if it's only to have a comforting ear and help them through.
Sometimes, as part of the "blame the victim" argument, some will argue that being bullied will motivate the victim to bigger and better success in life, or use the "if you think it's bad now, wait until you get into the real world" line (never mind that the argument is built on a fallacy). It is true, however, that bullying is just as common in the adult world, and that schoolyard bullies are nothing compared those who may be encountered later in life. In this mindset, the bullying "steels" the victim toward abusive bosses, executives, managers, etc. who are only interested in results and will not hesitate to punish those beneath them if the desired results are not delivered, regardless of feasibility or responsibility, and teaches them that this should be accepted as normal and right.
Some misguided adults see bullying as nothing more than a "harmless rite of passage", and exacerbate the problem by telling the victims and those who attempt to help them "not to be a snitch and tell on their 'friend' because "no one likes a tattler". This ignores a few important things, such as: (1) The Bully is NOT a friend with any good intentions towards the victim. (2) What Black-and-White Insanity — equating sneaking candy in class to tormenting another human being — calls "tattling" is also known as "doing the right thing in the face of social pressure or physical threat". The only lesson being taught here is that you should ignore the suffering of others, and you will be punished for trying to stop wrongdoing.
Standing up to bullies, besides the obvious truths pointed out in the above quote, is also a good way to get suspended and/or expelled as a "troublemaker", while your assailants walk away scott-free.
Another common pathetic platitude often thrown around by adults is that all bullies are 'damaged' in some way, and that you should feel sympathetic to them for it, even dismissing their clearly abusive and horrendous behaviour as being a product of their own suffering. All this goes on to serve to minimise and ignore the victim's suffering. While it is true that a cycle of abuse does exist in schools, it is not an excuse, and in fact, most bullies are not damaged in any way, and scientific studies have found that most abusers are actually more likely to excel over their classmates. Going back to the cycle of abuse, the whole reason why it exists is because victims who are actually damaged by their abusers are more likely to turn to violence just to feel like they have some control. Bullies, meanwhile, are more likely to develop antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)note in later life according to some scientific studies, setting them up for a future of inflicting more trauma and suffering on anyone unlucky enough to be caught in their spheres of influence.
One final misconception, again rooted in bigotry and victim blaming, is that bullying is a sort of "social immune system" that strikes the victims when they exhibit "unpleasant" traits which should be corrected. "Unpleasant" is a very subjective term, defined mostly as what someone personally dislikes. Traits such as not being good at sports, enjoying Sci-Fi or Fantasy (or enjoying reading at all), being gay (or perceived as gay), being a curious overachievernote , a science "nerd", a Special Ed kidnote , a foreigner, a non-Christian, or not caring about fashion (or being unable to afford the proper clothes, or even wearing the wrong colors) are clearly flaws that society has a duty to correct for the good of the victim. Bullies are really just the Normalcy Police, lashing out at those who dare to differ from what they consider 'normal'. The National Education Association actually endorsed this until recently.
