Line #98 Funny/TheCompletionist


1	[[foldercontrol]]
2
3	!!The Completionist
4	[[folder:Mega Man X]]
5	* How the Completionist introduces the show to the masses
6	--> '''Jirard:''' This show is a catalyst for me to review games from the classic era to the next and current generation of consoles, to even the old school arcade days of {{PC}} and old school Creator/{{Atari}} Gaming. I'm also going to be reviewing games that you guys, the fans suggest. Games that I haven't even played before and that's where the fun comes in because I get to hear your ideas and that kind of thing. [[MoodSwing And also because I'm an entertaining Whore.]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice Whore.]]
7	* Jirard points out how easy each boss fight is once you get the proper power-up. It then cuts to the fight against Spark Mandrill, with Greg dubbing over said boss as the latter is constantly interrupted every time he gets hit by X using the shotgun ice.
8	--> '''Greg!Spark Mandrill:''' [[EvilLaugh evil laugh]] Welcome to my lair! I saw the way you’ve floated through that door. But there’s absolutely no way that you can… ''(gets frozen for a few seconds)'' A lucky shot! But n… ''(gets frozen)'' Guys!... ''([[RuleOfThree gets frozen]])'' Well, luckily… ''(frozen again)'' My only… ''(frozen again)'' If you’d… ''([[OverlyLongGag frozen again]])'' It’s go… ''(frozen again)'' I don’t thin… ''(frozen again)'' Ah, yes. The… ''(frozen again)'' And bounce off the wall!? You… ''(gets hit one final time, and then explodes)'' I’m ‘splodin’.
9	[[/folder]]
10
11	[[folder: The Secret of Mana]]
12	* The introduction is just the premise of any game review show ever.
13	--> '''Jirard:''' Welcome to The Completionist, where I play games! [[JoinorDie And you watch them.]]
14	* When discussing the plot of the game they use VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaALinkToThePast as cutscenes to show the plot of the game.
15	--> '''Greg:''' ''(In a cackling whisper)'' The Secret of Mana
16	* When discussing the enemies
17	-->'''Jirard:''' Ferocious beasts like turtles with wheels...\
18	'''Greg:''' ''(in a bored tone)'' Vroom.\
19	'''Jirard:''' ducks with helmets...\
20	'''Greg:''' ''(still bored)'' Quack.\
21	'''Jirard:''' and books.\
22	'''Greg:''' [[LargeHam READ ME!]]
23	* [[RecurringCharacter Neeko the Price Gouging Cat]].
24	-->'''Neeko:''' AH, GIVE ME YA MONEY!
25	[[/folder]]
26
27	[[folder: Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2]]
28	* Whenever Jirard says "Hawk" Greg makes a hawk noise. Since this joke was getting obnoxious to Jirard he supplemented the word with other types of birds.
29	* When Old Man Snitchez uses a glitch to get lots of hang time on a wall-ride he tells the audience a story about [[RamblingOldManMonologue his younger years.]]
30	* You get to play as [[ComicBook/SpiderMan Shpidah-Mang]].
31	[[/folder]]
32
33	[[folder: Shadow of the Colossus]]
34	* When Jirard mentions that the music in this game could be played in any situation, it cuts to him playing ''VideoGame/SuperSmashBrosBrawl'' against WebVideo/JonTron, who then makes [[LargeHam an over-the-top rant]] after losing a fight.
35	* At the end, [[spoiler:Jon shows up again, this time ranting about Jirard not giving ''VideoGame/ShadowOfTheColossus'' more praise than he should.]]
36	[[/folder]]
37
38	[[folder: Banjo-Kazooie]]
39	* BEARS! Becomes a RunningGag later on.
40	* There's the bit where Jirard and Greg demonstrate what it would be like to talk in real life through the SpeakingSimlish dialogues of this game.
41	[[/folder]]
42
43	[[folder: Sonic 3 and Knuckles]]
44	* What Jirard thought "rolling around at the speed of sound" meant Heroin
45	** It then cuts to him taking Heroin and saying that he doesn't have a problem.
46	[[/folder]]
47
48	[[folder: Super Meat Boy]]
49	* The re-enactment of of Meat Boy and Bandage Girl's relationship. Bandage Girl is just so deadpan.
50	--> '''Meat Boy:''' Okay Bandage Girl, I'm coming to save you!
51	--> '''Bandage Girl:''' Come on over.
52	--> '''Meat Boy:''' Alright attempt number 1076.
53	--> '''Bandage Girl:''' Oh, watch out for those blades.
54	--> '''Meat Boy:''' NYUGH--[[NintendoHard dies]]
55	* After completing Super Meat Boy [[spoiler:Jirard "dies" [[ReportsofMyDeathWereGreatlyExaggerated (He just passed out)]]. Greg mourns him for five seconds before taking over the show.]]
56	[[/folder]]
57
58	[[folder: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time]]
59	* Film/{{Inception}} music plays while [[Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles Michaelangelo]] gets hit by planks in the face
60	* His Completion Bonus? [[spoiler: He can't beat the game]]
61	** During his final summary [[spoiler: Jirard cuts in and give the game a rating of "Beard it"]]
62	** The music that plays during the segment? Jirard singing an a capella version of his favorite song from ''VideoGame/DonkeyKongCountry2DiddysKongQuest''. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Very.]] ''Very.'' Badly.
63	[[/folder]]
64
65	[[folder: Mega Man Legends]]
66	* When it looks like the video will be another Mediocre-ist review Jirard talks over the intro and switches back to the main theme.
67	[[/folder]]
68
69	[[folder: Super Mario RPG]]
70	* This exchange, which takes place as Jirard is detailing the special abilities of each playable character:
71	-->'''Jirard:''' Mallow uses his cloud skills to [[TheRedMage save or harm people]]...\
72	'''Greg:''' And give 'em the ''[[ShockAndAwe SHOCKER!]]''\
73	'''Jirard:''' ...and Princess Peach--\
74	'''Greg:''' --''who also loves the SHOCKER!''\
75	'''Jirard:''' ''(sigh)'' ...loves to [[WhiteMagicianGirl heal and buff characters]].\
76	'''Greg:''' ''[[RuleOfThree WITH THE SHOCKER]]- '''[[RunningGag BEARS!]]'''''
77	[[/folder]]
78
79	[[folder: Defend it! - Duke Nukem Forever]]
80	* The "Do you own a gun?" BrickJoke.
81	-->'''The Internet:''' No further questions, Your Honour!
82	[[/folder]]
83
84	[[folder: Kingdom Hearts]]
85	* Jirard has trouble finding the game.
86	* Greg wants to ride the teacups in disneyland
87	-->'''Greg:''' I want to spin around in circles and vomit for many hours!
88	* The screenshot for his rating has him eating a box.
89	[[/folder]]
90
91	[[folder: Star Fox 64]]
92	* Their Overhype over the game's rumble pack.
93	** [[spoiler: Greg isn't even using one and he's still excited]]
94	[[/folder]]
95
96	[[folder: The Laser Clown Trailer]]
97	->'''Girl Investigator''': Everywhere this Clown goes, people die. The one thing they have in common is that they're internet trolls. But why?\
98	'''Greg:''' [[NeverLiveitDown He didn't save the aliens.]]
99	[[/folder]]
100
101	[[folder: Sonic Adventure: Director's Cut]]
102	* Hey Sega, if I wanted to buy Sega Bass Fishing, I'd ''buy'' Sega Bass Fishing!
103	* Jirard's insistence that Big the Cat does not exist. Coupled with Greg's shouts of "BIG... THE CAHT!"
104	[[/folder]]
105
106	[[folder: Luigi's Mansion]]
107	* The intro with Peanut Butter Gamer showing up.
108	-->'''Jirard:''' [[WebVideo/PeanutButterGamer PBG?]] How do did you get to my house from Texas?!\
109	'''PBG:''' I DON'T KNOW!!!\
110	'''Greg:''' Well, maybe we should ask Jon. ''(Camera pans over to WebVideo/JonTron laying on a bed)'' Do you know how PBG got here?\
111	'''Jon:''' ...Get the f[[[RunningGag BEARS]]!]k out my house.\
112	'''Greg:''' But this is Jirard's house.\
113	'''Jon:''' ''(Turning in the bed)'' ... THE PIZZA-PLETIONIST.
114	* "King Boo [[DepartmentofRedundancyDepartment King of the Boos]]"
115	[[/folder]]
116
117	[[folder: Mega Man X4]]
118	* Greg tries to reassue Jirard that he doesn't have to do the game four times while Jirard is rambling incoherently. Eventually he just blurts out...
119	-->'''Jirard:''' AHM THE COM''PORTION''IST, TELLING ''YOU'' TO EAT HEALTHY. GREG, PLAY YOUR VIDEO GAMES.
120	* When trying to [[spoiler:pull Jirard out of his HeroicBSOD]], Greg calls Davis from The Warp Zone.
121	--> '''Fish''': Got anything?\
122	'''Davis''': I could just... Take his games.\
123	'''Greg''': What the hell would that do?\
124	'''Davis''': Then I would- Then I would have more games.\
125	'''Fish''': Yeah, that's good!\
126	'''Greg''': {{Beat}} ...I shouldn't have called you.
127	[[/folder]]
128
129	[[folder: Defend it!- Resident Evil 5]]
130	* When the time comes for the Internet to cross examine Jirard's witness (Davis from the Warp Zone, who'd also brought Schroeder), he outright ignores Davis and proceeds to scream at Schroeder for thirty seconds.
131	-->'''Judge Greg''': Well... That was utterly frightening.
132	[[/folder]]
133
134	[[folder: Sonic Adventure 2: Battle]]
135	* [[SarcasmMode Great]]... [[SocializationBonus We need friends again]].
136	* [[WebAnimation/HomestarRunner Trogdor]], the Ultimate Chao.
137	[[/folder]]
138
139	[[folder: Sneak King]]
140	* Jirard completing the one mission that had ''a less than point one thousand percent chance'' of success.
141	* Jirard destroying the game at the end of the review, [[ShoutOut which is very reminiscent of]] the printer scene from ''LiveActionFilm/OfficeSpace.''
142	[[/folder]]
143
144	[[folder: Metal Gear Solid]]
145	* Jirard trying to hide from Greg.
146	[[/folder]]
147
148	[[folder: Contra III]]
149	* Greg singing Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" in fluent German to LetsPlay/ProtonJon.
150	[[/folder]]
151
152	[[folder: Super Mario 3D World]]
153	* Having to switch from pieces of other videos they've made to a silly bit of the Mario cast in kitty suits running around to an obscure dance song.
154	-->'''Greg:''' But we've already used that one before!
155	[[/folder]]
156
157	[[folder: Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins]]
158	* [=F***=] you, Greg.
159	[[/folder]]
160
161	[[folder:Crash Bandicoot 3]]
162	* "WHO'S NED?" (Referring to Dr. Neo Cortex's constant name mispronunciation in the [[VideoGame/CrashBandicoot2CortexStrikesBack Crash Bandicoot 2]] video.
163	[[/folder]]
164
165	[[folder:Super Smash Bros. For Wii U & 3DS]]
166	* "Super Smash Bros For Wii U & 3DS!... [[TheLastHorseCrossesTheFinishLine Oh I get it!]]"
167	* [[TheCameo Xander Mobus]] doing the [[OnceAnEpisode "But Beardman!"]] leads to Greg calling him out.
168	-->'''Greg:''' Holy crap, are y-... are you the announcer from Super Smash Bros.!?\
169	'''Xander:''' No! '''(beat)''' ... Yes.
170	[[/folder]]
171
172	[[folder:Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker]]
173	* Greg's title parodies of Indiana Jones.
174	-->'''Greg:''' Indiana Toad and the Raiders of the Lost Lark!\
175	'''Jirard:''' I don't get it.\
176	'''Greg:''' [[DontExplainTheJoke A lark is a small bird!]]\
177	'''Jirard:''' Uh...[[FridgeLogic Ohhhhhh]][[CutShort hh-]]
178	[[/folder]]
179
180	[[folder:Superman 64]]
181	* The camera constantly zooming in and out during the closing cutscene, as the DK Rap plays over it.
182	[[/folder]]
183
184	[[folder:Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus]]
185	* Jirard pitching ''Sly Cooper's'' {{Revenge}} plot as being like ''Film/KillBill'' [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids for kids]].
186	-->'''[[Film/KillBill Buck]]''': [[MemeticMutation My name is Buck, and I like to]] [[CurseCutShort fu]][[Series/SesameStreet ♫SUNNY DAY, SWEEPIN' THE CLOUDS AWAY♫]]
187	[[/folder]]
188
189	[[folder:Untitled Goose Game]]
190	* Jirard decides that the Untitled Goose has the internal voice of Bret. Cut to Bret's voiceover.
191	--> '''Brett''': Hey! Hey girl! I'm a f[HONK!]ing GOOSE! Get ready to get HONKED on! That ain't yours. This is MINE! Gimme that!
192	[[/folder]]
193
194	!!Super Beard Bros.
195	[[folder:A Link To The Past]]
196	* The opening of Part 1:
197	--> '''Jirard''': What's up people, I am Jirard.\
198	'''Alex''': And I am Alex.\
199	'''Jirard''': And this is [[VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaALinkToThePast Link to the Past]].\
200	'''Alex''': And I am Alex.
201	* How many times has Jirard played the game? Well into the ''triple digits''. Then again, he ''is'' the Completionist.
202	[[/folder]]
203
204	[[folder: Eff it Beard Bros: D&D]]
205	* Girard, Alex, and Brett sit down to play a game of Dungeons and Dragons and their opening scene cements the coming hijinks. Gonad the Funny (Alex) enchants an ashtray to taste like mom's home cooking and feeds it to a confused and delighted patron. Zeddeles the Rogue (Brett) tries to identify the most valuable item in the bar and steal it. He fails the roll and steals a fork. Lanzoni the Barbarian (Girard) just watches dumbfounded.
206	[[/folder]]
207
208	[[folder:Super Weird Bros.]]
209	* Basically the entirety of the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkDj9Y-Uf88 Kaizo Mario #1 episode]]. Jirard spends thirty minutes getting through [[NintendoHard a single level]] of the game, even with getting [[GuideDangIt constant tips from Alex]], and then [[spoiler:getting through half of the next level in ''one minute'', without even trying.]] He even undergoes SanitySlippage at several points.
210	* In the second Kaizo Mario episode, after many failures of a particularly hard challenge, Alex recommends Jirard takes "a breather". Jirard's "breather" consists of him exhaling once, and then immediately continuing the game.

Context Funny / TheCompletionist