| 1 | %%Image removed via crowner in the Moments Images Cleanup Thread: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/crowner.php?crowner_id=go55hwg8 |
| 2 | %%https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=1642193091068711500 |
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| 4 | %% |
| 5 | |
| 6 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 7 | |
| 8 | [[folder:Tyrian]] |
| 9 | * "Okay, I should stop arguing with my imaginary audience." |
| 10 | * "Now, you might be saying 'Ross, I'm from Montana. These aren't enough guns for me.'" |
| 11 | * "GOOD GOD! It's almost like the designers of this game wanted you to play it and have fun!" |
| 12 | * "Only the [[TheChosenMany Chosen Ones]] may have the honor of beating a Japanese vertical shooter." |
| 13 | * "Naturally, if you enter in ANOTHER code, you get 'Suicide,' because this game wants the masochists out there to have fun, too." |
| 14 | * "You'll notice, there is no 'You Die in One Hit, Go to Hell and [[ArsonMurderandJaywalking Stop Playing Our Game]]' mode." |
| 15 | ** Made better by the edited title screen. |
| 16 | * "[[NonSequitur I have a ship that's a carrot.]]" |
| 17 | [[/folder]] |
| 18 | |
| 19 | [[folder:Nyet III]] |
| 20 | * The first words of the episode. |
| 21 | ** "If you're hearing this, that means I'm still alive." |
| 22 | * Ross's insistence that the game wants to kill you, in general. |
| 23 | ** "Wow, this sounds great, right? Yeah, ha... yeah... It's insidious, is what it is! Between the upbeat music, bright graphics, easy challenges, fun riddles, you're going to miss the fact that this game wants to kill you." |
| 24 | ** "Nyet III is the Ted Bundy of video games." |
| 25 | ** "By spending $50 now, I'm going to run out of cash and get myself killed later. It feels a little like my own life, actually..." |
| 26 | ** "Once you get to the third or fourth stage, you gradually start realizing this isn't so much a fun puzzle game as it is a survival horror game." |
| 27 | ** "So, the more you save, the more you're damning yourself on later levels when you NEED more money and you don't have it because you were playing this game to have fun. That'll teach you!" |
| 28 | ** "And to anyone who think's that's just because I'm not skilled enough, that's like saying you have more skill at RussianRoulette, like you know just how many times to spin the gun chamber before pointing it at your head." |
| 29 | * "It actually reminds me of how modern-day games will sometimes have ten movie clips before you can get to the actual menu. Sometimes they make them unskippable unless you hack the startup files. That happens because some producer worth millions who may not even play games wants to make sure his companies name is plastered in everyone's face forever. I don't think that's the case for the seven people involved here, though." |
| 30 | * "If I ever hear Yakety Sax one more time, I'm going to kill somebody." |
| 31 | * Ross's thoughts about the "weird guy." |
| 32 | ** "Look at his clothes. He dresses like a 50-year-old color-blind fat woman! What's going on here? No socks... Is he ''naked'' under that coat? Has he ''killed'' before?" |
| 33 | ** "Maybe he's just meant to be a tough coach or trainer to make you a better and more paranoid Tetris player, but I don't know; I'm just getting this sinister vibe here." |
| 34 | * Near the end, when Ross is panicking and ends up dying, he does his best impression of the crying noise heard in the game when you die. |
| 35 | * "So, what have we learned here today? That surprise nudity is a good way to get someone's attention, and that evil is everywhere, apparently." |
| 36 | * "[[TheStinger Hi, welcome to the surprise review of Nyet II. Well, to start things off, I don't read German.]]" |
| 37 | [[/folder]] |
| 38 | |
| 39 | [[folder:Test Drive 3]] |
| 40 | * "Today, I'll be talking about the first game on this show in 3D! Well, actually, this isn't real 3D because I can't reach out of the screen and grab you yet, but you know what I mean." |
| 41 | * "This game is such a mixed bag. If it was a literal bag that you could stick your hand in, it would be filled with gold nuggets and snapping turtles." |
| 42 | * "But, hey, here's a free tip: if a real cop ever pulls you over and asks you for information, you should NOT put him or her on hold. But, you'll figure that out even without me." |
| 43 | * "Now, this game also has an additional feature you won't read about in any ad for it-[[SuddenlyShouting NOR IN THE REVIEW FOR IT WHEN IT CAME OUT!]]-and that's this game isn't so much about racing as it is a drunk driving simulator." |
| 44 | * "So, when you see me crashing because I swerved for absolutely nothing, it's not because I can see ghosts and you can't, it's just how this game is." |
| 45 | * "All I can figure is the company had a hard deadline and the boss started waving a gun around until the game got finished." |
| 46 | * "I mean, look at this construction worker. Is he repairing the road or is he trying to communicate telepathically with you? Can he levitate objects with his mind?" |
| 47 | * Ross freaking out over the 'dithering' effect on the landscape. |
| 48 | * "[[NonSequitur Did you know that, even though this game came out in 1990, this car is still really fast?]]" |
| 49 | * The discussion of driving your car into a lake is BlackComedy at its finest. |
| 50 | ** "Well, the drowning is kind of interpretive, but if you drive your car into a lake and you don't get out of the car, there are only so many possibilities that can happen." |
| 51 | ** "If you're like me and drive your own car into a pond or lake on occasion..." |
| 52 | ** "All-in-all it's easier to just NOT drive your car into a lake, but hey, your beer is not going to drink itself when you're driving over a bridge." |
| 53 | ** "And while we're on the topic of killing yourself..." |
| 54 | * "THERE ARE NO GOOD REASONS, ONLY LEGAL ONES!" |
| 55 | * "So, Test Drive 3 is a flawed gem. A flawed, cracked, scuffed-up, ground-up gem with stains on it. So, What have we learned here today? That driving and the third dimension go together well, and that if you hit a cow with your car, you both lose. |
| 56 | [[/folder]] |
| 57 | |
| 58 | [[folder:[=CarnEvil=]]] |
| 59 | * "Okay, this is the first part of the game where they're basically saying, 'Enough playing around. You had your fun; time to cough up some more quarters.' I mean, it's Jason on steroids with a chaingun for an arm. Jason on fire, which only seems to be pissing him off more than anything. Wow, I actually survived that. That wasn't supposed to happen, I can tell you that." |
| 60 | * "Oh, no! I'll save you!... or not? Did I shoot her? I might need an instant replay on that one..." |
| 61 | * "I'm just running an emulator and I'm using a mouse instead of a light gun. I know some of you have strong feelings about that, so if you feel like you need to call the police, I guess that's an assumed risk on my part." |
| 62 | * "Oh, this is a rough shot. I think this woman might be screwed. Yeah, she's gone. She's the spider's girlfriend now." |
| 63 | * "Plus, if I saw a goth looking woman in Baroque clothing coming at me, my first impulse would not be to gun her down. I don't shy away from crazy women. Now, if she was coming at me with a knife, I would either just leave her or try to disarm her. What you do is try to grab her wrist and bend it away from her or smack the weapon out of her hand if you have something you're holding. That's a free tip for anyone dating a woman trying to kill you." |
| 64 | * "Okay, what's wrong with this picture? Remember, this is a great Halloween game. Listen to this [Christmas] music. You know what reminds me of Halloween? Candy canes, presents, Christmas lights, fucking elves..." |
| 65 | * "Anyway, the point is that the game backstory, it says this takes place in late October. Fuckin' Spooky Sam at the beginning is giving ghost tours! WHEN DO PEOPLE DO THAT SORT OF THING? IN OCTOBER, YOU ASSHOLES!" |
| 66 | * "It had to be the HalloweenEpisode, and I couldn't take the thought of having to put [=CarnEvil=] off for another year. [[MoodWhiplash But, Jesus Christ, if this isn't the worst part of the game!]] Oh, what? You thought we were done with Christmas? Oh no! See, what's happening now is the game's way of telling me it that it wants me to keep bitching about it some more. So I will!" |
| 67 | * "They promised me a Halloween game and they're giving me Christmas. They just don't go together. They want to add ice cream to my pizza. Or bacon to ice cream... Oh, and that bacon sundae is totally real; it's not some Photoshop I did. [[TakeThat Burger King at its finest]]. And for those of you who are looking at that and licking your lips, you both fascinate me and terrify me." |
| 68 | * "It makes me imagine some dark comedy where Goofy is running around as a serial killer. 'Oh no, my knife slipped there. Heuh-heh-heuh! Whe-hoo! Looks like you just got stabbed there, silly me! Whe-hoo! There goes another knife! Wheuh-heh-hyuk!'" |
| 69 | * "It's kind of a-Oh... oh... I shot the woman in distress. That's not something I wanted to do. Oh well! What happens in the freak show monkey silo STAYS in the freak show monkey silo." |
| 70 | * "I am Eyeclops!" "[[CaptainObvious I think I should aim for the eye.]]" |
| 71 | * "Also, while I don't like the Christmas music in this game, I don't think that was the composer's fault, I think he was JustFollowingOrders. So we don't need to bring charges up on him when we hold our own Nuremburg trials on this game for Crimes Against Halloween." |
| 72 | * "Man, there's an awful lot of blonde women in distress with a certain look to them in this game. It makes me wonder if this cemetery wasn't right next to a Hooter's across the street. I bet all these woman are waitresses." |
| 73 | * The return of the Doom Guy voice. |
| 74 | ** "Ross, you're a pansy! You don't like killing women, killing babies, torturing people... What kind of man ARE you?!" |
| 75 | * "Well, all I can say is that I'm very honest on this show. Unless I'm bullshitting you, of course." |
| 76 | * "Wait a minute, so that's Midway that went bankrupt, 3dfx that went bankrupt, and arcade machines are mostly dead now, too. Man, this game was the harbinger of death. Are the people who worked on it still alive? I didn't check that. I wonder if you get cursed just by playing it. Well, if so, it's too late for me. And if you're still watching this, you're probably too far in already to break the curse, so you may as well finish it." |
| 77 | * "You know, it's just some guy dressed up silly, acting goofy, dancing around, and apparently striking terror into the hearts of others." |
| 78 | * "I think, if you're going to shoot a dog in a game, poodles and chihuahuas are probably the top of the list for most people." |
| 79 | * "So here, I'll set the record straight now. I'm mostly going to cover PC games and I'll be inclined [[KilledMidSentence towards]]... towards... being stabbed with a trident by a flying Mexican werewolf thing... I mean, uh, obscure games." |
| 80 | * "I sometimes wish there could be compromises where the pirates wouldn't touch a new game for months or years, and in return, some game companies could just not be evil. But, I know that's all a fantasy." |
| 81 | * "I was thinking in the ring, it would be great if they had ringmasters announcing your death. 'And over here we have a slack-jawed rube that we will eviscerate for your amusement!' Then a big crowd cheer." |
| 82 | * "Now, here's a question. This game is set in a fictional town in Iowa. If this was actually real, would this the most interesting thing that's ever happened in Iowa? I mean, I may be just ignorant, but the stereotype for a lot of Midwestern states is not a lot happens. But, see in Ohio, for example, the Cuyahoga river caught on fire before. I think that's pretty interesting. So what is Iowa's claim to fame? Rather, what's the most interesting thing that's ever happened there?" |
| 83 | * "Another thing I like about this game is how up front it is with you. Besides the Christmas section, that's still bullshit. But the name of the villain here is Baron von Tokkentakker. They tell you at the beginning. With a name like that, you KNOW you're going to be coughing up quarters in this game. The game knows it and you know it. It's a very honest relationship. Okay, pretend this game had been a runaway success-spawned sequels, home games, a movie, and so on. Do you think at some point Midway would try to build a zeppelin of their own that looked like this? I'm wondering how much money a company needs to be swimming in before they do really outlandish things in association with a game. Like, I know Creator/ElectronicArts shot a copy of one of the VideoGame/MassEffect games into space. That takes some doing. Still, it would be hard to top a zeppelin. I bet if they wanted to, Blizzard could pay off enough senators to be able to carve an orc face into Mt. Rushmore." |
| 84 | * "And sorry if I'm ruining the tension with all this talking. If this was your last fifty cents in the arcade, it would be VERY tense. Like, if you died now, you might yell at a kid watching you to keep pressing the start button to keep the countdown resetting and then just go and mug the first kid you saw for another fifty cents. And you wouldn't care either, because you'd figure you'd have just enough time to beat the game before the kid you mugged started ratting on you and brought security or police over to come get you, so you immediately haul ass out of the arcade afterwards. You don't get that same experience playing at home." |
| 85 | * "This is actually how all games should end." |
| 86 | * "Well, that's [=CarnEvil=]. What have we learned here? That when you run off to join the circus, it changes things. Okay, that's all. Happy Halloween, everyone. Or if you're watching this after Halloween, it's more of a state of mind really. Especially when you hide in the bushes at night and jump out at people. Every night is Halloween then." |
| 87 | [[/folder]] |
| 88 | |
| 89 | [[folder:Eternam]] |
| 90 | * "Now if I were you, an adventurer, I'd follow this road! Especially since... Well, I don't want to scare you, but the risks are great! Oh, that they are... Very very great!" "So, what did you think of that? Did you like how a large man laughs for no reason, talks ominously about how very dangerous everything is, while the camera zooms in on his mouth like he's trying to eat you? I did." |
| 91 | * >chop tree. I don't understand "chop". >saw tree. I don't understand "saw". >smash head against tree. |
| 92 | * "So, if you want to ask what someone's name is AND ask them where you are, too bad, you have to choose one or the other." |
| 93 | * "Okay, so we're going to see the duke because we don't know what we're doing and that sounds like as good an idea as any." |
| 94 | * "We have people you don't know randomly giving you shit after you've been assigned a quest. I guess this part's pretty true to life." |
| 95 | * "Note the body language on this German doctor. I'm assuming he's a vampire because his eyes are red. And we have an oddly intense jester. Look at this guy's eyes. If I was a king and I had a jester that looked at me like that, I'd throw him in the dungeon. This is the look of a man who will poison you and then make a strange joke about it while watching you die. And, finally. we have the [[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext finger room.]]" |
| 96 | * The discussion of the French Revolution makes for very [[BlackComedy dark comedy]]. |
| 97 | ** "Anyway, the French Revolution is an AWESOME setting for a game. You have the Populists revolting, widespread starvation, an incompetent and unstable ruling class, it was anarchy half the time, lots of mob rule, and people were getting their heads chopped off like it was going out of style." |
| 98 | ** "On the outskirts of town, I ran into these armchair revolutionaries that were ready to kill me once they heard I visited the duke from the other island, because he's nobility. But they let me go with a warning because there was so many other people in line to execute before me. I also found a house of a woman who will kill you unless you're wearing a rosette secretly identifying yourself as a revolutionary, but she'll also kill you if you step on her cat, so there's just no pleasing her. In town, you discover there are two barons ruling, both of whom are doing the opposite of whatever the other one does, and both of whom are taxing the citizens double. That sucks. If you accidentally walk on the lawn of one of the nobility, you'll be arrested by the guards, [[KangarooCourt the judge will give you a completely unfair trial]], you'll be held in a cell, and if you don't get help escaping, you get the guillotine." |
| 99 | * After Ross stops talking about Pizza Hut, and says "Back to the game", a picture of a Pizza Hut on fire is shown. |
| 100 | * "This means that your storyline can feel more real, because, honestly, how many people have you fought or shot today? I haven't fought anyone today and I'm recording this on a Friday. I didn't have to attack the clerk at the grocery store in order to get him to agree to check out my groceries." |
| 101 | * "[[NonSequitur Ribbit.]]" |
| 102 | * "Now, I'm not talking about a really good logic puzzle to open a door or something like that. I like those. [[MoonLogicPuzzle I'm talking about ones where you need to slap a fish with a cricket bat so it will sing a tune and put the robot to sleep so you can sneak past it]]. Puzzles like that are not about good logic or deduction skills but rather about trying to figure out what blend of weed the developers were smoking that particular day to get into the same state of mind as them." |
| 103 | * Ross's great struggle to walk through a door. |
| 104 | * "And really, when you have this many muscles, all shirts do is slow you down." |
| 105 | * "Then we'll have a French game that's been translated into Spanish then translated into English. Those are some of the joys of abandonware. Just translate the story, though. I don't need a translation of how to make a boot disk to have more expanded memory. I'm glad those days are over." |
| 106 | [[/folder]] |
| 107 | |
| 108 | [[folder:Zany Golf]] |
| 109 | * "This episode is going up on my birthday, so I figure, since I'm a little older, I should accept that and prepare myself mentally to be old." |
| 110 | * "If you go to an actual putt-putt golf course and you're over par for the course you're on, The owner of the course isn't going to walk out there and shoot you in the head. But they will here. Thanks, Will." |
| 111 | * "Also, the last level is just designed to kill you and looks like an electric torture chamber for the Nazis that's been retrofitted as a mini-golf course, but it's the last level and this game has no special endings, so that's forgivable." |
| 112 | * "At least in real golf, you can throw your club at people if you're doing poorly." |
| 113 | * "On the plus side, you do get to see a burger hopping around frantically like it's alive. If you're sort of person who believes in reincarnation, this seems like kind of a horror scenario, being reincarnated as a sentient hamburger, and all you can do is flop around. Welcome to Hell. 'Do you still see them, Clarice? Do you still see the hamburgers?'" |
| 114 | * "The composer's name is Doug Fulton. I'm just going to assume he has bipolar disorder and take pity on him." |
| 115 | * "Nothing like the soothing sound of shrill PC-speaker music. Although it would be fun to call somebody up on the phone then start playing on of these tracks to trip them out. It would be better if the person wasn't very tech literate so they'd think it's a bug." |
| 116 | * "It kind of frustrates me that a lot of modern architecture is incredibly bland. Strip malls, and public schools especially, give me this subtle vibe like they want me to kill myself." |
| 117 | * "I have found Richard Garriott calling the founder of EA the Antichrist, but hey, that's not proof in itself." |
| 118 | * "Also, Will Harvey looks friendly in pictures, but I think he must have a dark side to him." |
| 119 | [[/folder]] |
| 120 | |
| 121 | [[folder:Strife]] |
| 122 | * "As you can see, Strife uses real-time raytraced graphics with advanced lighting and reflect--no, I'm kidding. [[AnimationBump This is just a cinematic.]] This game uses the Doom engine. Now this game isn't really a Doom clone. [[{{Metaphorgotten}} It's more like Doom's cousin, that lives far away where he visited once but you forgot what he's doing and really anything could have happened to him.]]" |
| 123 | * "So what if he's wearing armor? I see a pretty nice gap in his helmet there. I'm sure anyone who's been to prison could spot at least 10 places to shank this guy." |
| 124 | * "Like all freedom fighters, or at least the smart ones, you can't just jump in and declare war on the whole world. You have to take it one step at a time." |
| 125 | ** Said while Ross tries to knife two soldiers to death. |
| 126 | * "Everybody's going about their own businesses, but this robot isn't buying it. It wants me dead. [[ApatheticCitizens Nobody's reacting to this]]. Apparently robots kill random people all the time here. What's the big deal? But, if I'm NOT cool with a robot trying to saw my head off, now that's suspicious." |
| 127 | * Talking about the weapons: |
| 128 | -->'''Ross:''' (disinterested) "The Sigil of the One God is a sentient super-weapon that drains your life-force for ammo, is worshiped by the theocracy, and gives the wielder enough power to control the planet..." (excited) "Oh, and the grenade launcher! I love the grenade launcher in this game!" |
| 129 | * "But, to be fair, you have to understand this was the mid '90s, where it was required by law, that all first-person shooters include a warehouse, a factory or a sewer." |
| 130 | * "I believe the parable of [[VideoGame/{{Doom}} space marines versus Cyberdemons]] goes back to the ancient Greeks. Possibly earlier." |
| 131 | * "You're going to spend half the game wandering aimlessly because that's fun, right?" |
| 132 | * Ross gets lost in the sewers and starts to hallucinate a giant cow head. |
| 133 | * "This track you hear midway through the game and it makes me want to reflect on things...like, damn, I had to kill so many people to get here. Makes you think." |
| 134 | * "Wah-wah-wah-wah." The infographic of a trumpet with stoner eyes during this helps. [[note]]For reference, Ross is talking about sound tracks and how he likes modern remakes of the origins. Specifically, how midi music had a small selection of strange sounding instruments that sounded nothing like their real world equivalent. In this case, he's emulating a trumpet. (Midi also happens to be the format that many church organs use to record themselves as a lot were constructed during that time period.)[[/note]] |
| 135 | * Ross failing at aiming with keyboards and gamepads. |
| 136 | * Ross breaking a window. |
| 137 | -->Whoops. |
| 138 | * "Thanks Janis" -breaks window again- |
| 139 | * Why is Ross's choice of ''VideoGame/{{Doom}}'' engine port [=GZDoom=] and not Vavoom? |
| 140 | -->'''Ross:''' Well, it offers a few more graphics options, and the widescreen support is simply better. Also, when I tried running Vavoom, I got these dancing white pixels appearing frequently. I read this is due to how the computer rounds off the polygons, and I'm peering through the architecture into the sky. I don't care, though. This was driving me a little bit crazy, like my monitor was being eaten by space ants. This happens in [=GZDoom=] too, but ''it'' gives you the option to fix it. So [=GZDoom=] means no space ants, [[PublicServiceAnnouncement and that's important to me as a gamer]]. |
| 141 | * "Fight for The Front and freedom. Move out." "Yeah! Go kill the bad guys! Let's do it!" -shoots ceiling- |
| 142 | * "Now, you do have choices in this game, but a lot of the time, it's a choice as to whether or not you want to die. Say I reject this gentleman's offer." "Fool! Guards, rid me of this meddlesome peon." "Oops. Okay, I'm leaving... And I'm dead." |
| 143 | * "No, I do NOT wish to join the Resistance because I suck." "You might want to reconsider, seeing that you're surrounded by heavily armed angry rebels." "No! You're a stranger!" |
| 144 | * "He's kind of like the friend that gets you into so much trouble, like, really serious trouble, that you start wondering if your friend is just more stupid than you thought, or if he KNOWS he's going to end up in prison at some point and wants to bring you along with him for the company." |
| 145 | * "So that's your first choice: whether or not you want to ruin your life." |
| 146 | [[/folder]] |
| 147 | |
| 148 | [[folder:Potty Pigeon]] |
| 149 | * Ready. Is this game certified? Yeah, I guess, whatever. |
| 150 | * "Like, a newcomer might be watching and think 'Oh great, another [[WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd video game show about shitting on things]]. Thanks, internet.'" |
| 151 | * "Because, I KNOW somebody is watching this right now and saying 'Ross, this is nothing. What you NEED to be playing is Shit Flinger 5000.' Guys, I'm going to say this now: you don't need to email me with a bunch of links to MORE scatological games that no doubt raise the bar for...shit." |
| 152 | * "You collect twigs, crap on things, and get points. Percy's living the dream." |
| 153 | * "Now, you might think some of these buttons are for special moves, like fighting games, so Percy will launch a fireball out of his ass if you press the right combo, but no." |
| 154 | * "Hey, look! It's still bullshit! Or...bird shit...I guess." |
| 155 | * "Maybe there is some weird hardware limitation I don't know about that made sane controls impossible. Like if you press 'A' AND 'Q', the system would catch on fire..." |
| 156 | * "Again, not how I personally would've designed the controls, but what the hell do I know?" |
| 157 | * "I think the developer was trying to tell us something here. Maybe Player 1 stole his woman." |
| 158 | * "You'd think Anthony would know that one, since this was, you know, developed in the UK and he's British..." |
| 159 | * "To me, this version has it all wrong. It's too goofy and kid-like. The original had the right idea: scenic English countryside, classy music playing, and [[BreadEggsMilkSquick bird shit everywhere.]]" |
| 160 | * "I think Potty Pigeon has potential for a modern-day remake, especially if you add realistic traffic and collision physics and can cause multiple car wrecks. Now that technology's better, instead of having the cars disappear when you hit them, they can remain on screen and you can watch people get out of them and start screaming at each other while the calm music was playing. I would find that relaxing." |
| 161 | * "So, PC gaming survived because it was making games about birds shitting on cars and that was money in the bank." |
| 162 | * "A lot of games back then liked to remind you of your own fatalism." |
| 163 | * "I've heard this described before as the world's first Shit'Em Up." |
| 164 | [[/folder]] |
| 165 | |
| 166 | [[folder:Helious]] |
| 167 | * "He looks out the window and the house is covered in green light. At this point, he's getting concerned because this is unusual, [[OnlyInFlorida even for Florida.]]" |
| 168 | * "So, as far as alien space orb simulators go, the physics are dead on." |
| 169 | * "It's awkward at best but maybe if you're a fighter pilot, this will seem more natural to you. [[CaptainObvious I am not a fighter pilot.]]" |
| 170 | * "So, what can we conclude so far? Well, I think it's obvious that the alien advocate the use of violence for self-defense, so, they may come in peace but they're ready to throw down if they need to. [[ViolenceReallyIsTheAnswer Looks like Malcolm X was right.]]" |
| 171 | * "I hope the NSA or NASA bought a copy at least. I mean, 24 dollars is still a damned good deal for extraterrestrial computer code." |
| 172 | * "I bet if you asked people on the street if cheaply-synthesized classical music is fitting for a silent game created by aliens, they won't have a definitive answer for you either." |
| 173 | * "So, I would criticize this game design, but it was made by aliens so what can you do?" |
| 174 | * "Let me ask: has anyone in the audience seen a UFO? I never have and I've done a lot of running at night before. However, I haven't been drunk or high or needing medication while in the desert or a really isolated farm somewhere, so that's probably lowered my odds. Those people tend to have the best luck with UFO sightings." |
| 175 | * "...now there's an additional knuckle joint added on my tentacle thing."-Ross Scott. |
| 176 | * "I can only assume once you beat this, the alien mothership will be notified and they'll come take you for further studies as you've no doubt passed their test." |
| 177 | * "Now, I don't want to say he was ABDUCTED by aliens - maybe he went along willingly" |
| 178 | * "So, I give up, aliens. You win. You've convinced me I'm not ready for interstellar travel. I'll stay here on Earth and keep paying my bills." |
| 179 | [[/folder]] |
| 180 | |
| 181 | [[folder:Arcade America]] |
| 182 | [[AC:Part 1]] |
| 183 | * "And, incidentally, [[CaliforniaCollapse cause California to fall into the ocean.]] But, c'mon, [[LampshadeHanging that was going to happen anyways.]]" |
| 184 | * "I'm a tough guy. [[CoveredInScars I have an eight-inch scar on my left arm, a one-inch scar above my carotid artery-almost died from that one, scar tissue on my right knee, multiple scars on my right hand, and I can bring my tongue to a point because a small chunk of it was cut off.]]" |
| 185 | * "AMERICA!" |
| 186 | * "When you get the 'bad ending,' you're given a hint as to what item you were looking for. Now, let's watch and see if you can guess what the item is." "Where's the mallet?" "You're supposed to have the mallet!" "The mallet! The mallet! The mallet!" "C'MON! FIND THE MALLET!" "[[CaptainObvious Okay, I think I was supposed to find a mallet.]]" |
| 187 | * "Can you spot the mallet in any of these pictures?" |
| 188 | ** Several pictures of the game are shown, along with a picture of a mascot beating someone up. |
| 189 | * "Hey wait, You Left Your Fart in San Francisco!" "''Jesus Christ.''" |
| 190 | * "You have no end of cheesy jokes and toilet humor, but you also have great slapstick and pockets of madness creeping into this game, so there's something for everybody...who doesn't run away screaming. So, you beat the crap out of your drummer so you can make it to the show on time. An experience I'm sure many musicians can relate to. Then you start heading to Las Vegas. Although, the reality here is this is a death march. I burned through four lives in Alcatraz. I'd be dead right now if I hadn't found an extra one. I'm going to die near Las Vegas out in the desert like so many before me. But then, maybe that's fitting as I wouldn't be the first person to come to Las Vegas in total desperation. I've heard Las Vegas described before as a place to go to when you want to ruin your life and you don't have a lot of time to do it." |
| 191 | * "I guess cell phones are in the lead for turning drivers into blind missiles nowadays." |
| 192 | * "Oh, so he's dead. That means we don't have to rescue him now, right?" |
| 193 | * "As predicted, I died in Las Vegas." |
| 194 | * "And to give you an idea of this game's mentality, being able to shoot down is a cheat code." |
| 195 | * "Although, comparing VideoGame/SuperMeatBoy to this game is kind of like comparing Formula One racing to dump truck parking." |
| 196 | * "Now, I DID find a secret demonic portal, but it wasn't the right one. Story of my life. Could've gone better, too." |
| 197 | * "So we continue on and Joey shows off one of his many talents." "Power pucker!" -fart- |
| 198 | * "Here we get to see the giant clown statue licking the world. That's a famous Las Vegas attraction." |
| 199 | * Ross's confused reaction to one of the secrets in the Las Vegas level. |
| 200 | * "So, what do you think? Will Las Vegas have a giant protective dome over it in the future?" |
| 201 | |
| 202 | [[AC:Part 2]] |
| 203 | * "I would fully endorse us building a water slide this size." |
| 204 | * "You get around in this level by harassing asses and getting them to kick YOUR ass across the map." |
| 205 | * "I also accidentally discovered the inner chipmunk sanctum. No mortal should gaze upon this for too long." |
| 206 | * "Joey-Joey-Joey-Joey!" "Respect the confidence." |
| 207 | * "I like how we just drive off with a blood trail. Again, this game keeps me guessing." |
| 208 | * "So, passing through Colorado, I hit a skier and I obviously kill him judging from the bone and eyeball flying out from him. But, Joey's not a murderer; this is vehicular manslaughter at the very most. He shouldn't have been skiing in the road. Well, I won't rat on Joey. He has enough problems." |
| 209 | * "Tulsa has their own [[VideoGame/HalfLife Citadel that looks like it was built by aliens]]. I think it's smaller than the one from VideoGame/HalfLife2." |
| 210 | * "Y'know, I think this might be the first and perhaps only game to take place in Oklahoma. So, congratulations, Oklahomians! You've got your own game. Maybe I'm wrong, however. There could be a farming simulator that takes place in Oklahoma." |
| 211 | * Ross's reaction to the "alfalfa laxative" song. |
| 212 | ** "Duuh-shyuuuuh! Sorry, I was in shock there for a minute." |
| 213 | * "Out of all the states, Texas is the most Texas. I don't have many good stories about Texas. Not that I think there aren't thousands; I just don't know them." |
| 214 | * "Oh, and naturally, we switch to bullets for ammo." |
| 215 | * "And it starts off like any other day in Texas, as you can clearly see." |
| 216 | ** Naturally, this means gunfire everywhere. |
| 217 | * "Naturally, our goal here is to fight off Mexican jalapeños from taking over the Alamolé while beans and tacos rain down from above." |
| 218 | * "Well, I found a secret portal." -dies immediately- "[[SarcasmMode Oh, that went well.]]" |
| 219 | * "Now we can rip off VideoGame/DonkeyKongCountry." |
| 220 | * "Joey talks the talk." |
| 221 | * "Fearless leader!" "Bask in all that is Joey." |
| 222 | * "So, we leave Texas and our ammo has changed to tacks, so, clearly, I should run over those with my car." |
| 223 | * "So, when the cops went to go arrest him, he had two strippers over giving him a lap dance, then he tried to sneak out the back door. And can you blame him? He probably had a LOT of stress going on in his life and needed to take him mind off things. But wait! There's more!...So, he was already under investigation for a LOT of things by the feds, and this was just the cherry on top. I find this so fascinating because, normally, you hear about politicians embezzling or else they're having an affair. They USUALLY have their act together just enough to stay out of other trouble. But, Shepherd, the stuff he was up to I would expect to hear on the Jerry Springer Show. And it's not just him. This was also the same year that the state legislature tried to TRIPLE their own pay effective immediately, while the whole country was in the middle of the financial crisis. In Louisiana, they just can't steal the money fast enough." |
| 224 | * "Oh, and in case anyone's worried, there aren't actually phasing platforms in New Orleans. The rest of this is more or less accurate." |
| 225 | * "Now I haven't tested if the giant parade masks will actually eat you. In real life, I mean." |
| 226 | |
| 227 | [[AC:Part 3]] |
| 228 | * At the start. |
| 229 | ** "BEES!" |
| 230 | * "Mmm! Sun-flavored!" |
| 231 | * "I would tell Joey not to eat the swamp burgers but you know he's not going to listen." |
| 232 | * "Okay, I'm going to show BOTH endings since, if you're lucky, you'll have nightmares either way." |
| 233 | * "Her nose looks like an alien head." |
| 234 | * "I hope everyone sleeps well tonight." |
| 235 | * "I don't know why he dresses like an eight-year old. Maybe that's a band thing. Propeller beanies are metal." |
| 236 | * "It's pretty uneventful except for some guys firing at me with a machine gun from the back of a truck. I'm sure New Yorkers are accustomed to this, but for me, it's something new." |
| 237 | * "At least we get to see what Beaker from ''Franchise/TheMuppets'' would look like if he turned to crime." |
| 238 | * "So, Joey doesn't sumo wrestle with a dinosaur as the final boss, he just does what he always does." |
| 239 | * "Arcade America is a cartoon freak show odyssey of the USA that I think is utterly fascinating and amazing, [[MoodWhiplash all wrapped up in a game I absolutely hate]]. I love this game and I hate it so much I never want to play it again." |
| 240 | * "Sorry kid, if you don't have ALL of your band members, you can't play!" "What?" "What? AAAAH! I should've stayed in bed!" "This is bullshit." "Don't worry, you can always-" ''[Joey moons the audience]'' "Atta boy, Joey! You show 'em! Full moon tonight! YOU WORKED YOUR ASS OFF AND RISKED YOUR LIFE TO BE HERE TONIGHT TO PERFORM FOR THEM! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IF YOUR SLACK-ASS BAND MEMBERS CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO SHOW UP! THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT! YOU CAN ALL GO TO HELL!...MAN!" |
| 241 | * Ross's reaction to the SequelHook in TheStinger. |
| 242 | |
| 243 | [[/folder]] |
| 244 | |
| 245 | [[folder:Revenant]] |
| 246 | [[AC:Part 1]] |
| 247 | * "It came in two flavors: rectangular and trapezoid." |
| 248 | * "This is a good game for fall-school's started again, you're back on you're regular grind, so that probably means you're chained to a floating platform suspended above Hell, and now you have all of eternity to reflect on your failures and regrets in life." |
| 249 | * "Now, the backstory here is that you used to be this badass warrior king who looked like Sylvester Stallone's less-handsome cousin, I guess, and you were supposed to sacrifice your bride to appease the gods or some crap, but at the last minute, you decided, 'Hey, maybe I DON'T want to kill my wife. Maybe this is kind of a crappy way to celebrate my marriage.' Weird, right? Well, the gods weren't going to have any of your new age, subversive way of thinking, so now you're in Hell and you're like, 'Man, the afterlife sucks.' It's a classic scenario I'm sure many of us can relate to. But, lo and behold, some creepy cultist looking guy comes to the rescue, giving you a hand, probably as part of some sort of community service project. So, maybe you shouldn't call the cops the next time you see some cultist in robes chanting around a bonfire. Maybe they're rescuing dead warrior kings." |
| 250 | * "Oh, and you've lost your memory, but it's supposed to come back to you in time, but that's fine; you don't need to know who you are to beat the crap out of people. Wasn't it Descartes that said, 'I punch therefore I am'?" |
| 251 | * "I like the main character. While he is a little oversentimental, as you can see, he has a cool British accent, he's nobility, has hair long enough for a heavy metal band, he's a bad ass warrior, and he's been resurrected from the dead. Hm. [[VideoGame/LegacyOfKain Kind of reminds me of someone]].... I mean, besides myself, but I don't have a British accent, obviously. All I'll say is, it's a handy thing that spell compels him to obey the wizard. Otherwise, I don't see much stopping him from just killing everybody in charge and declaring this his new kingdom." |
| 252 | * Ross voicing the wizard, Sardok, for a conversation that was glitched out so that Sardok's actual dialogue did not play. |
| 253 | -->'''King:''' Perhaps a month in the dungeon is more appropriate.\ |
| 254 | '''Ross (as Sardok):''' No, kill him.\ |
| 255 | '''King:''' Rand has been with me since the beginning. Besides, I can not afford to lose any more men.\ |
| 256 | '''Ross (as Sardok):''' You question my judgement? Perhaps you would like to watch me... stroke my beard? ''[Sardok strokes his beard in-game]'' What do you think about that? Hm?\ |
| 257 | '''King:''' Sardok, wait! It goes against everything I've ever stood for!\ |
| 258 | '''Ross (as Sardok):''' I'm afraid my beard has spoken. We have no choice. |
| 259 | * "You can just FEEL the justice radiating from this room." |
| 260 | * "So, you leave the castle and get to run around town. It has what you expect: your catwoman weaponsmith with a hideous face, your cyclops armorer, and your dominatrix dancing on a table." |
| 261 | * "Bam! That's where you belong, you damn spider! At the bottom of my boot!" |
| 262 | * Ross's description of how ''extremely'' temperamental the game is, never giving him the game bugs twice and how he ended up settling for an ever-present visual bug that causes all of the game's text to have a magenta shadow underneath, because that was the best the game had worked so far. |
| 263 | ** "Oh, you wanna see your avatar '''''and''''' your potions? Go fuck yourself." |
| 264 | ** "This game behaves differently depending on what video card you have, what version of Windows you have and what your horoscope sign is." |
| 265 | ** "The point is, ''Revenant'' is getting reviewed '''''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis Right. Now.]]''''' Because in the future, there are ''no'' assurances this game will ever run again. [...] If I wait any longer, this game will have me ''begging'' to come back to the magenta text. It'll probably turn the ''grass'' magenta, just to teach me a lesson." |
| 266 | * "I don't like having to choose between a drunk boxer that throws air punches or a deadly accurate ninja who tickles people with feathers." |
| 267 | * "Well, I've been using the sword because I want to kill things. Swords are good at that. Axes are good at that, too. Well, NOW I find out I should've been bare knuckle fighting all those samurai hanging out in the forest. That makes sense, right? Because fists do as much damage as a sword? Oh, wait! No, they don't! Because you can't cut someone's head off with your fist!" |
| 268 | |
| 269 | [[AC:Part 2]] |
| 270 | * "So, yeah, we get an old man laughing at me for dying violently and speaking ominously about my future. That's a good sign, right?" |
| 271 | * "This game has infinite enemy respawns, I don't have to justify anything." |
| 272 | * "Oh boy! A maze! My favorite!" |
| 273 | * "Oh, boy, I get to fight this new guy's second in command. Oh, I guess I have to find him first. Okay. Oh, I guess I have to do it again. And again. And again. [[OverlyLongGag And again!]] And-Jesus Christ, game! What are we doing here?! How about I just ignore this guy and go to the boss? I'm not sure I've ever seen a miniboss tease me THIS hard in a game before. I mean, he's the helper to the second in command. That's not a boss. That's a vice president's secretary. All he does is piss off the character AND me. To top it off, he uses just about every clichéd villain line you could think of." -[[OverlyLongGag Montage of said cliche villain lines]]- "I've had just about enough of this" "Me, too! They milk this WAY too hard. This game would have redeemed itself a LOT if I could've just stabbed him dead in the middle of his third taunt." |
| 274 | * "Now, I'm not saying my one-hit kill cheat is balanced, but I think the game and I have an understanding as to how cheap each of us is prepared to be." |
| 275 | * "This doesn't look like the sort of place you should bring children." |
| 276 | * Ross's [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere reaction]] to seeing how many mazes are in the game. |
| 277 | ** [Murderous whispering] "So, that concludes the review of Revenant." |
| 278 | *** The fact that Ross is [[StunnedSilence stunned to silence]] that the final area contains not one, not two, not three, but ''seven'' Labyrinth areas is hilarious too. |
| 279 | * "Some retired guy in the forest tries to tell you something, but the wizards shows up and kills him because that's his thing. Then he kills the king because he's on a roll. I'm sure no one saw that coming. You don't really care because you're drunk on demon power." |
| 280 | * Ross's comments during the ending. |
| 281 | ** "Uh... Hey, hero, I think you have the wrong idea." |
| 282 | ** "Look out! It's the knife! It was the villain this whole time." |
| 283 | ** "[[BrickJoke My beard!]]" |
| 284 | ** It's not that I can't handle a [[DownerEnding sad ending]], but give it some ''meaning'' huh? This is just: (imitating the villain) "Waahahaha! I'll kill you!", and "[[Characters/SuperMarioBrosWario Waaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!]]". |
| 285 | |
| 286 | [[/folder]] |
| 287 | |
| 288 | [[folder:The Last Stand]] |
| 289 | * "So, instead of having lot's of Halloween decorations, and costumes with bags full of candy, this is more like stealing your neighbor's pumpkin and handing out breath mints you have lying around the house." |
| 290 | * "So on that note, VideoGame/TheLastStand is a free flash game." [Picture of screaming woman] "Whoa, whoa! Don't leave yet!" |
| 291 | * "Sort of like a dating site, except instead of dates, you're looking for any idiot that can point a gun the right way." [[mumbling]] "Perfect." |
| 292 | * "If your life is too normal and you're just not disturbed enough being you, look up any of [[Creator/DavidFirth his]] videos and he'll take care of you." |
| 293 | * "The moral of this story is if you rely ONLY on other people to fix your zombies problems, you're going to die." |
| 294 | * "Zombies, zombies, zombies, zombies, zombies, zombies, zombies." |
| 295 | * "What I really like about zombies is that the concept turns civilization upside down, so that all your priorities change. Oh, you don't have to get dressed and go to work tomorrow, there's zombies outside. You don't have to worry about rent this month, either, there are zombies outside. You don't have to do your taxes or OBEY LAWS, there are zombies outside." |
| 296 | * "This is a great game to play if you want to try and break your mouse." |
| 297 | * "If anybody in the next room hears you and asks what you're doing, tell them you're doing high-frequency stocks trading. Maybe they'll leave you alone then." |
| 298 | * "No, c'mon! Where are you going?! [[BlatantLies We got this]]! C'mon! Stick with me! We've got this! Come on back! I won't tell anybody you left! It's cool! DAMMIT!" |
| 299 | * "[[ChainsawGood I find this very calming. I wish I could solve all my problems like this.]]" |
| 300 | * "[[DeadCharacterWalking Unless, of course, you play as the yoga contortionist expert...who's been gut shot from the looks of things]]. [[GoodBadBugs This mode is especially hard as you can't fire any weapons. I don't recommend playing this way; that's not very fun]]. So, VideoGame/TheLastStand is an enjoyable game. It's an intense, nerve-wracking casual game...yeah, that sounds right." |
| 301 | * "Yeah, we don't care about WORDS." |
| 302 | * "At least this military pilot has a good excuse for crashing his chopper. Many don't even need a reason." |
| 303 | * "Nobody really wants to live in Zombieland." |
| 304 | * "Now, we start and the first thing I notice is [[SequelDifficultySpike this is already more intense. Zombies are running at me, we have dogs from the start, and my barricade has less hit points than before.]] Now, you might think all this makes the game harder, but now you're rocking a beard so that helps balance things out." |
| 305 | * "The Last Stand really gives you a sense of trying to hang on. Every day you're busting your ass and you're just barely getting by. I can really relate to this game. This is what life is like. Except, instead of zombies, you have problems. Some are going to stagger towards you slowly-so slowly you HOPE someone else will take care of them, but others are going to run at you, relentless and screaming, trying to tear down your tiny junk fort that's not much, but it's the only sanctuary you have against the unending madness that is outside. And these zombies stack up! I mean, early on, if you're good enough, you can take them all out before they even reach your fort. But, later, it's a CERTAINTY that they're going to start tearing apart everything you have and you'll just have to pray [[SuddenlyShouting YOU CAN SHOOT THEM DEAD BEFORE THEY CAN GET IN AND JUST MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT]]! OH GOD! YOU NEED MORE TIME! YOU JUST NEED MORE TIME!" [crying] "You know, I thought this was going to be a game review, but the reality is, this is more of an interpretive autobiography. If you've ever wanted to know what a day in my life feels like, go play this game. It wasn't always like this and I think after we clear out some more zombies, it'll get a lot better, but it sure is taking a while. 'There's something going on with them now. They're getting faster and stronger. They're saying that they should die off eventually, but it just doesn't seem to be happening.' Couldn't have said it better myself. I should take this opportunity to apologize to anyone who's emailed me and I haven't replied yet. I want to reply to everyone and I would go do it right now except THESE ZOMBIES KEEP COMING! If I go type up some emails, they're going to tear down this wall in under a minute. You think these other people are going to keep them back? Really? Look at them. Look at this guy. 'Tired. Can't write. Taking down fat zombie guys all day.' Story of my life!" |
| 306 | * "[[TakeThat The only thing it can't save you from is Adobe Flash-the hidden enemy.]]" |
| 307 | * "Okay, well my character is acting like a cop already, by fiddling with too many things at the same time he's driving." |
| 308 | * "I'm sure a tire iron is all I need to survive the apocalypse." |
| 309 | * "Yeah, we want you to play our game, but we don't want you to enjoy it." |
| 310 | * "I give Union City a rating of a box of liquor-flavored truffles, except the box is empty. There's nothing inside it. Somebody opened it and I can't find the truffles." |
| 311 | * "If only there was some way to update an online game. Sadly, that's impossible, but at least they got it right here." |
| 312 | * "Do you smell that? I think I smell a pay wall!" |
| 313 | * "[[RecycledInSpace They turned this into Zombie Survival]] VideoGame/{{Farmville}}!" |
| 314 | * "Like, my homepage is Accursed Farms, but that's just a name I made up. I don't actually live on a farm with fallow earth and possessed cows and a sentient scarecrow like in that one [[Literature/ScaryStoriesToTellInTheDark Scary Stories book]]...not yet, anyway." |
| 315 | * "Oh, I KNOW I haven't contributed!" |
| 316 | * "I give Dead Zone a rating of Apples with Razor Blades Hidden Inside Them." |
| 317 | * [[ItMakesSenseInContext Ross becoming king of the zombies.]] |
| 318 | * "Happy Halloween! Remember, if people come running to your door, don't shoot them. They're probably just trick-or-treaters. You could go to prison for that." |
| 319 | * "[[TheStinger Two at once?! Are you kidding me?! Well, that's it! The zombies won! The zombies won!]]" |
| 320 | [[/folder]] |
| 321 | |
| 322 | [[folder:Polaris Snocross]] |
| 323 | * "I guess winter doesn't mean much if you're in the southern hemisphere, but you're probably used to northern hemisphere propaganda by now." |
| 324 | * While complaining how the game's stunt system doesn't consistently work for the more complicated tricks, a Sticky Keys window pops up and minimizes the game window. Ross then goes into [[ThrowItIn an unscripted rant]]. |
| 325 | --> "NO, I DON'T WANT STICKYKEYS, YOU PIECE OF CRAP! I'M PLAYING THE GAME! I'M PLAYING THE GA-!" |
| 326 | * "...so I just keep flinging my arms up in the air over and over again like I'm a friggin' chimpanzee stuffed in a track suit. Oo-AHH!" |
| 327 | * "The last time I saw someone ram a door like that in a vehicle, it didn't go so well." Cue driver hitting his head on the door. |
| 328 | * [Ross rams other racers] "MERRY CHRISTMAS! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! Yeah, I've got some good tidings for ya! I'm not familiar with the rules to real snocross events, but I'm pretty sure ramming other racers isn't a sanctioned tactic. But, hey, if you're out in the middle of the woods were no one can see you, it's just your word against his. He just cut in front of me. Yeah, see?" |
| 329 | * "It's like you're sledding on the edge of reality here." |
| 330 | * "Look at me! I'm faster than the speed of weather!" |
| 331 | * Ross's AlternateCharacterInterpretation of the band Point Defiance as being made of time travelers and murderers. |
| 332 | ** "Actually, I'm just ASSUMING [Point Defiance] has nothing to do with finding human remains out at Point Defiance Park." |
| 333 | ** "I mean, I'm sure they didn't just kill him and dump his body out in the lake at Point Defiance as a sacrifice for the band or something. No, I don't think their music is quite hardcore enough for that. I think if they decide to do a cover of [[Music/AliceInChains 'Them Bones']] then police will have reasonable suspicion." |
| 334 | ** "This brings me to the most noteworthy aspect of Point Defiance and that's they're actually composed of time travelers, as their first albums came out years after the game was made, the later one being six years after the fact." |
| 335 | ** "After discovering the secrets of TimeTravel, I guess they decided to get a head start on their careers and figured getting their music into a budget racing game wouldn't disrupt the timeline too much. But they probably weren't counting on me pointing this out. [[ExplainExplainOhCrap So, wait, does that mean I could be erasing this timeline and replacing it with another]]-" "[[TemporalParadox .tfel eht ot pmuj a tsuj s'tI]]" |
| 336 | *** [Cut to a scene of his sled somehow crashing and knocking the rider off] "What did I hit? Did you see it? I didn't see it." [Scene is replayed again in slow-motion, still showing nothing.] "[[SarcasmMode Ooooohhhh...]]" |
| 337 | * "Oh, no! Your sled's having trouble? Well, don't worry, we'll keep a nice slow pace so you can catch up, buddy!" |
| 338 | * "I didn't know his snowmobile was capable of pulling Mach 1 on the course, especially on the hairpin turn!" |
| 339 | * When Ross edits the game files to make it [[NintendoHard beatable]], he changes the value of NPC snowmobiles' max catchup speed. When he says it out loud, [[VisualPun a bottle of Heinz ketchup speeds across the screen.]] |
| 340 | * [while a slowmobile is moving a 3 miles per hour] "Ah, yeah! This guy looks bad ass on his snowmobile now!" |
| 341 | * Ross mentions that even though he had crippled the AI in the game to the point that the other racers are practically sitting still, sometimes it would still pull tricks on him. Cue one of the other racers crossing half the track at FTL speeds just to pass him at the last possible second before the finish line. |
| 342 | * "So that's ''Polaris Snocross'': A budget racing game with broken difficulty, that I think was ''meant'' to be a UsefulNotes/{{Shovelware}} game, but ended up resembling something ''good'' instead!" |
| 343 | * "Have a merry Christmas, from my lobster sled to yours." |
| 344 | * "[[CreditsGag Racers were definitely harmed in the making of this video.]]" |
| 345 | * "[[TheStinger Lobsters like water!]]" |
| 346 | [[/folder]] |
| 347 | |
| 348 | [[folder:Quarantine]] |
| 349 | * Ross voice acting all of the passengers he picks up. |
| 350 | * "Now here's a fucking game!" |
| 351 | * "This is the look of a man whose progress has halted because he needs more test subjects for his experiment." |
| 352 | * "They just toss you right in and you're likely to be rear-ended within seconds." |
| 353 | * "AH! MY PAINT JOB!" [starts firing gun] |
| 354 | * "Like in real life, there are just too many people on the road. You can't kill them all." |
| 355 | * "It's not even like you're in their territory. The whole city is their territory. Now, thankfully, the game lets you [[CarFu play man versus car]] with a reasonable degree of accuracy. Not that that discourages them any." |
| 356 | * "Apparently, broken legs only slow them down." |
| 357 | * "Now, after a while, you may wonder if there's an actual purpose to this game or if it's just someone's vision of the future and all that awaits us is being run over by hovercars." |
| 358 | * "Hello, I'm a doctor and I need to treat a patient. Can you get me there on time? A life depends on it!" "Of course! Because human life is highly valued in this society." |
| 359 | * "It's like DRM for your car. I can't wait for the future!" |
| 360 | * Ross mocking the shopkeeper's dickish laugh, which plays every time you buy something and makes it quite obvious he's ripping you off. |
| 361 | ** Later, when Ross mentions he's playing a pirated copy of the game. |
| 362 | --->'''Ross:''' At the time of this video, you can still buy this game new on [=eBay=] for $324. Free shipping! ''[plays the sound of the shopkeeper laughing]'' |
| 363 | * "Uh, yeah, actually I DO expect you to believe he just stepped out in front of my headlights. This motherfucker popped out of a manhole to get run over by me. Why don't you go for a drive around the city before casting judgement on who I run over, huh?!" |
| 364 | * "So, uh, I guess this episode is dedicated to the weak." |
| 365 | * "'KEMO park-Relax.' Maybe they should've had someone to pick up the severed human head lying in front of the sign if they were serious about that message." |
| 366 | * "I think software pirates of the future are likely much more hardcore than the ones of today. I mean, you don't hear about shootouts with the police every time they try and shut down some torrent site." |
| 367 | * (Ross clips into another vehicle, [[HitboxDissonance both now endlessly colliding]] with each other) "''ARGH!''" |
| 368 | * "'I have got to get to an important corp meeting cabby. I will make it worth your while.' Sure thing [[Wrestling/HulkHogan Mr Hogan!]]" |
| 369 | * "Now, I've never driven a hovercraft to know how accurate these controls are..." |
| 370 | * "Oh no. You shouldn't go to THIS street, you really needed to go to this street on the other side of this LARGE ASS BUILDING which is going to take another 20-to-30 seconds to get to, depending on traffic!" |
| 371 | * "Oh, I'm sorry! Was your pizza a little cold? How about I deliver your pizza when I FEEL LIKE IT?! AND, IN EXCHANGE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO STEP OUTSIDE IN THIS HELLHOLE AND RISK GETTING SHOT IN THE HEAD BY SOME RED-EYED PSYCHOPATH! OH THIS IS WONDERFUL! I'M TRYING TO SLOW DOWN SO I CAN DROP OFF MY PASSENGER, BUT SOME CRACKHEAD BEHIND ME IS REAR-ENDING ME NONSTOP! I CAN'T SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING! I DON'T EVEN HAVE A REAR-VIEW MIRROR! THIS GAME DRIVES ME INSANE!" |
| 372 | * "...but you don't even get the satisfaction of blowing people up because YOU'RE STILL LATE!" |
| 373 | * "Anyway [[ThatOneBoss Hover Boy]] kicked my ass. I die, and I die, and I die. NNAAAARGH! THREE PERCENTAGE! I HAD HIM AT THREE PERCENTAGE! Die again. ''DIE SOME MORE''. OUT OF TIME. ''OUT OF TIME!''. DIE AGAIN." |
| 374 | * "Yeah, if it wasn't for the gunfire and constant vehicular homicide, this wouldn't be TOO bad a place to live." |
| 375 | * (vaporizes several vehicles with the electro cannon) "''OH!'' [[Film/RoboCop1987 I'd buy that for a dollar!]]" |
| 376 | * "Fuck This City" by Drake Edgewater. |
| 377 | * >Fuck you. |
| 378 | * "kemo sity a nice place to visit." "kemo...sity...Okay, Game Revolution, you get an A for effort. You at least TRIED!" |
| 379 | * "You escape from KEMO City, then your car dies-I assume because you're going off the grid. That sounds like a pretty stupid plan, actually, especially since you're in the desert?" |
| 380 | * "Anyway, the game tells me I diverted the water supply to release the psycho drug into the water OUTSIDE the city, to give the 'civilized world' a taste of their own medicine. Is that a punk ending or what?" |
| 381 | * "This game makes me want to put my hair up in liberty spikes and set fire to a car." |
| 382 | * "And, uh, stay off the street." |
| 383 | [[/folder]] |
| 384 | |
| 385 | [[folder:Super Cult Tycoon]] |
| 386 | * "Well, I'm saying hell with it, we're the 'Children of Restoration'. I'm probably offending some church in Baltimore right now, but that's just too bad. We need to summon the mothership and it's not going to happen if people think we're the Mickey Mouse Club." |
| 387 | * "So, we start off and a disembodied voice tells us we're already running from the FBI after our last escapade. Boy, that puts us at a big disadvantage already. This is going to be a short game." |
| 388 | * "We're talking about the FBI, not the local town sheriff and his cousin deputy." |
| 389 | * "You want to get sued for harassment? Because you're acting like you do." |
| 390 | * Ross's advice about what cult to join. |
| 391 | ** "Alright, I should finish this up, but before I do, I know some people out there are saying, 'Ross, now I want to get involved with a cult, but I don't know what to do! C'mon! You can't leave me hanging like this!'" |
| 392 | ** "Do you want to find neighbors with similar views that shouldn't be creepy to intentionally live near to but somehow is?" |
| 393 | ** "Do you want to be involved with some expensive co-housing group that might be a scam?" |
| 394 | ** "[[SelfDeprecation Research]]" |
| 395 | ** "You'll have to read between the lines. It takes time to look through the directory and figure out who is actually going to summon the mothership or not." |
| 396 | [[/folder]] |
| 397 | |
| 398 | [[folder:Wolfenstein]] |
| 399 | * The characters in the game having their heads replaced with pumpkins. |
| 400 | * "Of COURSE my cover is blown. Like there was any doubt whatsoever I was going to have to shoot my way out of this situation." |
| 401 | * "Woo-hoo! Check out the water everybody! We've got water! Water for days!" |
| 402 | * B.J. vomiting. |
| 403 | * Ross's reaction to ContinueYourMissionDammit. |
| 404 | -->'''Ross:''' So, my brothers-in-arms keep taking down these Nazis, but a one point the leader has something important to tell me.\ |
| 405 | '''Erik:''' B.J., we need you defending us with the [=MG42=].\ |
| 406 | '''Ross:''' What? Did you say something?\ |
| 407 | '''Erik:''' B.J., we need you defending us with the [=MG42=].\ |
| 408 | '''Ross:''' I-I didn't catch that, what?\ |
| 409 | '''Erik:''' B.J., we need you defending us with the [=MG42=].\ |
| 410 | '''Ross:''' Okay, I heard "B.J." I didn't catch the rest of it.\ |
| 411 | '''Erik:''' B.J., we need you defending us with the [=MG42=].\ |
| 412 | '''Ross:''' Oh, the gun. You want me to use it?\ |
| 413 | '''Erik:''' B.J., man the machine gun and use it to take out the incoming-\ |
| 414 | '''Ross:''' Yeah, yeah. You don't have to tell me twice. |
| 415 | * "So, I gun some Nazis, then decide I'm not causing enough trouble so I bomb a railway car. Whoa! Don't see that everyday! So, this continues off and on. I get some zero-G fighting in. The Nazis aren't very good at it." |
| 416 | * "I never really liked mixing magic and explosives, because to me, guns are kind of a superpower already. You squeeze a trigger and some guy is gushing blood. Magic!" |
| 417 | * "All the time teal! The rest of the color spectrum can go to Hell!" |
| 418 | * "So after a LOT more town wandering, I go on a mission to the Church because there's a giant teal beam shooting out of it. That's probably not normal." |
| 419 | * Ross takes a liking to a brief line by Leonid Alexandrov chiding Sergei Kozlov for giving BJ the medallion, and elects to give [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech his interpretation]] of what he was trying to convey. |
| 420 | -->'''Leonid:''' [[DamnedByFaintPraise Alright, you did as well as I'd expect for someone so young.]]\ |
| 421 | '''Ross:''' [[SincerityMode Man, I love that.]] It's just a quick line, but it conveys everything. I sympathize with him. It's like he's saying "I don't blame you, I blame myself. I should've known better for thinking you wouldn't fuck everything up. This is the price we pay for my optimism." [[SurroundedByIdiots I've been there.]] |
| 422 | * -Wall explodes half a meter away from Ross- "Wow, good thing that didn't hurt ''me'' any." |
| 423 | * "RAAAAAAAAA!" -Smashes pumpkins- |
| 424 | * Wolfenstein: Operation Pancake |
| 425 | * "Because we live in the PRESENT and NEVER think about the past or the future!" |
| 426 | * Ross's suggestions for alternate titles. |
| 427 | ** Wolfenstein-Soul Reaver |
| 428 | ** [[ColorWash Wolfenstein-Teal Edition]] |
| 429 | ** [[WelcomeToCorneria Wolfenstein-"That Man is a Spy"]] |
| 430 | ** Wolfenstein-Rumble in Hub Town |
| 431 | ** Wolfenstein-Crystals, Magic & Guns |
| 432 | * Ross's rant about Caroline Becker not trusting B.J. yet. |
| 433 | -->'''Ross:''' Oh, she doesn't trust me yet, huh? Wow, this is some ''great'' writing. I'm B.J. Blazkowicz! I've killed 800 fucking Nazis in this game alone! That's not good enough for her? Hey, this is the sequel to ''VideoGame/{{Wolfenstein 3D}}''! Did you tell her I killed Hitler?! I killed ''Adolf fucking Hitler?!'' I put a bullet in his head as he was facing me down with twin chainguns. What does she want? Does she need me to kill ''two'' Hitlers? In fact, what's going on here? Who's in charge now? Hey, game? Could you at least give us a sentence as to what's happening with the war now that ''Hitler's dead?'' I mean, that's kind of a big deal?" |
| 434 | * "The game is tripping over itself to tell me, 'No! You're not really in 1940s Germany, Ross. This is ''just a game.'' Everything is already planned out, so we're going to need you to press this button. Can you do that for us?'" |
| 435 | [[/folder]] |
| 436 | |
| 437 | [[folder:Bip Bop II]] |
| 438 | * Ross's voice acting, in general. |
| 439 | * The fake ending, complete with fake credits. |
| 440 | ** "And, here's the game. Now, the first thing I notice-Oh, we're done. Okay, we beat it! That's the end of the episode. See you next time." |
| 441 | * "Y'know, I think I know what's going on here. This came out in the early days of VGA graphics and I bet the creator couldn't wait to go hog wild with all the effects he could cram into the game. It doesn't matter if it distracts the player or maybe looks ugly, we can make all these colors fade in and out so, by God, that's what we're gonna do!" |
| 442 | * Ross's reaction to one of the seizure-inducing backgrounds. |
| 443 | ** "[[SensoryAbuse RAAAH! WELCOME TO THE NEXT LEVEL!]]" |
| 444 | * "Oh! Welcome to the next level! You're dead. Gotta love those kinds of games, huh?" |
| 445 | * "Then, we find out that was a man, not a woman screaming from an 'experimental film'. Yeah. 'Experimental'. Where I come from, they call those '[[SnuffFilm snuff films]]'. I'm pretty sure that's why they zoomed in on the photo so you can't get a clear enough shot to prove the identity of the person if the police started asking questions." |
| 446 | * "Like, I entirely expect the sequel to have a funny dance routine with the Ball Beast or more dogs or something, followed by a choppy black and white video of somebody being stabbed in a parking lot." |
| 447 | * The idea that the main reason Ross suspects the creator of the game is evil is that he used to work at EA. |
| 448 | * "He was surprised I asked about it but didn't actually have it backed up anywhere. He also said something about 'the harvest' being 'complete', I didn't really understand that part... All he wanted was a vial of my blood and the exact time of my birth. He even paid for shipping!" |
| 449 | ** Also the fact Ross was more suspicious about the use of old floppy disks than the creator asking him for a blood sample or any of the other ominous statements. |
| 450 | * The cameo by Ross's dad. |
| 451 | -->'''Ross:''' Finally, I don't even ''have'' a floppy drive anymore. I got rid of mine almost 15 years ago. But my old man does! So I had the disk shipped to him and he tried to read it. So, the big question: '''Was the data recoverable?'''\ |
| 452 | ''[Cut to Ross's dad sitting at computer]''\ |
| 453 | '''Ross's Dad:''' Yep.\ |
| 454 | ''[Cut back to episode]''\ |
| 455 | '''Ross:''' It sure was. |
| 456 | * After Ross beats Bip Bop 1, the simple You Win screen gives him time to talk about how underwhelming the whole thing was. Theeeen the game starts slowly exposing a graphic of a skull over the endgame message and Ross is ''very'' quick to move on to Bip Bop 3. |
| 457 | * "Maybe killing that person in Bip Bop II calmed Stuart Riffle's bloodlust." |
| 458 | * "Now, I'm not saying Stuart Riffle is a warlock, but if I disappear after this episode and don't release another one, then yeah, I'm saying he's a warlock. Okay, that wraps it up. Stay tuned for the next episode!...maybe" |
| 459 | * One of the Ball Beast screens: |
| 460 | -->'''Ball Beast:''' Ham and swiss on RYE! (figure it out)\ |
| 461 | '''Text added to video:''' (I couldn't figure it out) |
| 462 | [[/folder]] |
| 463 | |
| 464 | [[folder:Follow-up Episode #1]] |
| 465 | * "...and, while I wouldn't call it stable-no one's died yet-so let's keep it going." |
| 466 | * Ross's complaints about the Youtube comment section. |
| 467 | * "Well, let me tell you [[GrammarNazi Grammar Nazis]], the Grammar SS would have had sent you to the Grammar Russian Front for overstepping your authority...See, this is why the Grammar Nazis lost Grammar World War II." |
| 468 | * "I guess he was just born 18 millennia too soon." |
| 469 | * Ross's attempt to play Test Drive with a steering wheel. |
| 470 | * "Someone else mentioned the Villisca ax murders, but, c'mon, every state has ax murders." |
| 471 | * One of the things that "triggers the obvious threat areas of the primal part of [his] brain" is a teletubby. |
| 472 | * "Now if YOU have had a lot of sexy women try to kill you, then I could understand where you'd might get pissed about my attitude. Like, 'WHAT THE HELL ROSS?! I'VE HAD DOZENS OF WOMEN TRYING TO STAB ME AT THE CLUB, AND YOU'RE COMPLAINING ABOUT SHOOTING ONE THAT CAN ''FLY''?! WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO ''YOU'' LIVE IN?!'" |
| 473 | * "This is smaller than I thought, but then again you play as a kid in the game--that's why you have a gun." |
| 474 | * Joe Larson's description of the 3D-printed [=CarnEvil=] coin. |
| 475 | ** "In order to really give you a sense of doom and foreboding, I wanted to get some authentic 1898 evil in here, so I went to antique stores and tried to see what I could find. The closest thing that I could find was a letter written by a young girl to her mother of a discordant nature written in 1902, so I took a clipping of from that and glued it between-so while I can't promise actually evil, if you get a sense of antiquated teenage angst while holding this, that's me going the extra mile for you." |
| 476 | *** Ross's reaction to this. |
| 477 | ** Ross photoshops Joe's face over Umlaut. |
| 478 | * Ross measures how historically accurate VideoGame/AssassinsCreedUnity is by how many beheadings it has. |
| 479 | [[/folder]] |
| 480 | |
| 481 | [[folder:Battleforge]] |
| 482 | * Ross showing a picture of men in bunny suits carrying guns. |
| 483 | * Ross talking about the "piggy-back bandit." |
| 484 | * "Now, I didn't attempt the twelve-player maps by myself because I'm not Korean..." |
| 485 | * Ross describing how he used a time machine to play the game and the side effects of doing so. |
| 486 | * "Meanwhile, companies like [[Creator/ElectronicArts EA]] are murdering games quietly like a fucking serial killer." |
| 487 | * [[ItMakesSenseInContext Ross talking about people cutting off their fingers]]. |
| 488 | * "Awwww yeeeaaah, here comes Big Santa!" |
| 489 | * "Piracy does jack shit for these games. That's because they store crucial components of the game on servers so when they shut down, you have a lobotomized vegetable." [Screen says "YOU'RE FUCKED"] |
| 490 | * "That's because 99% of game companies that have had to shut down a central server go with the final option: Go [[PrecisionFStrike fuck]] yourself." |
| 491 | ** "[[ClusterFBomb I really wish 'Go fuck yourself' wasn't the industry-standard for online games. But 'Go fuck yourself' is so ingrained in the culture now. Like, sometimes it feels impolite or naïve to seriously suggest we shouldn't be fucked. You're only supposed to mention casually that you don't want to be fucked. Just make it a passing comment. Like there's a weird etiquette we're supposed to be following for a prison-rape tea party]]." |
| 492 | * "It's the difference between putting grandpa in a wheelchair or [[BlackComedy taking him out back and shooting him in the head]]." |
| 493 | * "And two, is this really the mood we want for an arcade racing game? Is my driver supposed to be depressed and wants to kill himself?" |
| 494 | * Ross concludes that the art directors of ''Need For Speed: World'' were vampires because the parts of the game that look the best are the night and evening. |
| 495 | ** "This isn't an engine limitation. This is the art directors not knowing what color the Sun is." |
| 496 | * "Also, while making this video, Origin decided to poll me about my opinion of the game. I gave it high marks. After all, I want it to look good for it's execution." |
| 497 | * "T-Mart? Screw that! [[Franchise/EvilDead Shop smart, Shop S-Mart!]]" |
| 498 | * "EA, just call it 'NFS: Underground 3' or 'NSF 2015" you assholes." |
| 499 | * TheStinger shows an in-game billboard thanking the player for helping make the game better. |
| 500 | [[/folder]] |
| 501 | |
| 502 | [[folder:Bozo's Night Out]] |
| 503 | * "Well, the bad news is you don't play a clown in this game. You play as a drunk Englishman instead." |
| 504 | * Ross reading the instructions in a drunken slur. |
| 505 | * "Look at the punk's face on the box cover. You don't want to live here." |
| 506 | * "Now, besides walking home on the street, you can also take a shortcut through the park. It's what you'd expect." [The park is full of demons] |
| 507 | * "So, I guess the goal is you're trying to drink yourself to death." |
| 508 | * "OH OH! HE'S GONNA BLOCK ME! HE'S GONNA BLOCK ME! (gets safely home with one pixel to spare from the punk) ''YES!''" |
| 509 | * "Now, pink elephants is an old expression, though my understanding is that serious alcoholics like Bozo here are more likely to see snakes not elephants. I had a friend who got so completely drunk on St. Patrick's Day, that, at one point, he broke down in tears talking about how the Russians killed his wife. It is worth mentioning that my friend was 16 at the time, had never even been to Russia, and didn't even have a girlfriend. He got over it." |
| 510 | * "But, if you make it, then congratulations! You win a Bozo Rotten Liver Award, and end up in the hospital. It's kind of lame to not even get an ending screen, but hey, how many games do you play where you win by drinking yourself to death?" |
| 511 | * "Even though the entire Earth is bound to be enveloped by demonic forces, for the here and now, all they mean to Bozo is just another obstacle in between him and his drinking." |
| 512 | * Ross's awards for this game: Punks, Prostitutes, and Pints. |
| 513 | * "And remember: If you're trying to drink yourself to death, pubs are for suckers. Drinking discount wine alone at home in your bathtub wins every time." |
| 514 | [[/folder]] |
| 515 | |
| 516 | [[folder:Construction Bob Escapes from Hell]] |
| 517 | * "...Bob's animation is a little unpredictable, like he's trying to feint left while I'm trying to save his life." [Bob dies] "Dammit, Bob. The controls ARE responsive, though, which is almost a shame, otherwise, this could be a perfect storm of nightmare controls that game designers could study for years to come. So close, Bob." |
| 518 | * "This job is hell, Bob. You can go to hell, too." |
| 519 | * Ross's reaction to ''another'' mispelled word. |
| 520 | %% Word intentionally left misspelled %% |
| 521 | * "At the end, the game asks me, 'Will you let Bob rot in hell, at the mercy of Satan?' And, ever since I played this, my answer to that question has always been, 'Yes.' Bob really doesn't make a compelling argument to keep playing." |
| 522 | * Ross speculating about whether or not Construction Bob and WesternAnimation/BobTheBuilder are related. |
| 523 | * "You hit one and you explode for no reason. Now, you might think it's odd that I'm criticizing that, but that's because there are so many legitimate ways Bob could die doing this job without having to make up artificial ones." |
| 524 | * "Wow... That might be the most cynical ending I've ever seen. Congratulations. You almost died on 50 levels so now your shift is over. You can go home and come back tomorrow so you can do it all over again" |
| 525 | * "Y'know, when I go, I hope it's like this-a giant monster hand grabbing me and pulling me down while I scream out, scared and confused." |
| 526 | * "Look at this freeze frame of him. I realize these are primitive graphics but he looks scarred from this. His eyes look like they got melted off earlier. I can see why this was the last game." |
| 527 | * Ross's awards for this game are gold: |
| 528 | ** The first, "Best Deaths for a Kid's Show Character", shows what appears to be [[Series/MisterRogersNeighborhood King Friday XIII]] strapped to a Bond-villain-style contraption with a buzz saw headed straight for his "[[GroinAttack Land of Make-Believe]]". |
| 529 | ** The second award, "Not {{Abandonware}}", has Ross talk about how impressed he is that since the game was released there has not been a time where you could not easily purchase it from the original developer. This turns into a backhanded compliment when he gives out the third award: "[[TakeThat Should Be]]". |
| 530 | * "All right, I should wrap this up by saying if you want to go to Hell, the popular entrance is in the Karakum Desert, it's been open for about 40 years, but you might also have luck in Guatemala City. That's it! Stay tuned for the next episode where we'll go to Hell properly. Sinners." |
| 531 | [[/folder]] |
| 532 | |
| 533 | [[folder:Go to Hell]] |
| 534 | * "Welcome to Hell! [[VerbalBackspace ...I mean, the Game Dungeon]]. Today, you can 'Go to Hell'!" |
| 535 | * "No surface breaks to remind ourselves of what the sky looks like; we're going to Hell." |
| 536 | * "...Whereas casual games tend to be more click-this-button-and-something-will-happen. Oh, you clicked it? Ha-ha, now you're a test subject." |
| 537 | * "So, you come in thinking this game is going to try to screw you but then you realize, 'Oh, they're not being figurative. We're actually going to Hell. Sweet.'" |
| 538 | * "After all, Hell will wait on you." |
| 539 | * All of Ross's "Soul Contract" story. |
| 540 | * "This will kill you pretty fast, but I have to say, for all its faults, Construction Bob had the more accurate portrayal of how humans interact with lava." [screaming] |
| 541 | * "Well, no one said Hell was easy. Quite the opposite, actually." |
| 542 | * "HELL PARTIES ARE THE BEST PARTIES BECAUSE THEY'RE FOR ETERNITY!" |
| 543 | * Ross's one award for this episode: "Hell Yeah!" |
| 544 | [[/folder]] |
| 545 | |
| 546 | [[folder:Uncanny Valley]] |
| 547 | * The entire surprise twist sequence. |
| 548 | ** "This game starts off like so many stories with you passed out in some alley in the rain. But wait! Surprise twist! This isn't really the game!" |
| 549 | ** "So, you wake up back in your apartment-but wait! Surprise twist! This is STILL a dream sequence... or flashback or whatever." |
| 550 | ** "But if we skip ahead, we wake up from THIS dream and now we're finally in the game in a subway car where we nodded off. So we can walk around-but wait! Surprise twi-no, just kidding." |
| 551 | * "...it's probably not a choice between pixel art or high definition graphics. It's more like a choice between pixel art or a text-based adventure." |
| 552 | * "I'm not going to reveal any story details besides this playthrough, so I won't say, 'It was Jimmy with the knife in the closet this whole time!'" |
| 553 | * Ross's description of his first playthrough. |
| 554 | * "[[FlatWhat ...What?]] At first I thought that was going to be one of the awards for this game: 'What?'" |
| 555 | * "Security!" |
| 556 | * "Instead, they wanted a human scarecrow. Just stand still and do ''nothing'' all day." |
| 557 | * "When I had that job, there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about my own mortality at ''some'' point in the day." |
| 558 | * "There's no reason to hurry up for anything when you're a security guard. Your main job is to forget your life is slowly ending." |
| 559 | * "[[Film/PaulBlartMallCop This movie]] [[TakeThat is so bad!]] [[BigOMG Oh my Go-"]] |
| 560 | * "WAAAAAAAAAAAA!" |
| 561 | [[/folder]] |
| 562 | |
| 563 | [[folder:The Secret World]] |
| 564 | * "Support your local Templars." |
| 565 | * "We're starting off strong with a guy dressed like this putting on a puppet show telling us how we're all going to die." |
| 566 | * "This is a pretty good example of the writing in ''VideoGame/TheSecretWorld''. Some of it is clever, and some of it will be corny to the point where it's not possible to do this by accident so it becomes this black hole of corniness that implodes in on itself." |
| 567 | * "So don't let the zombies feasting on corpses deter you, or the bloodstains, or the dismemberments..." |
| 568 | * Ross ''constantly'' trying to dodge the subject of combat of the game, in favor of praising the music, atmosphere and settings, until an enemy attacks him and forces him to talk about how fights work in the game and why they frustrate him. |
| 569 | ** "Oh, NO! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK! I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN." |
| 570 | ** "So what are the best weapons to pick? Well, after spending a lot of time with this, I'm reminded of a quote from the movie ''Film/FullMetalJacket'': 'YOU ARE ALL EQUALLY WORTHLESS!'" |
| 571 | ** "I practically stopped looking at these things as enemies, more like aggressive tree trunks I had to hack apart slowly. So instead of a heroic Templar, imagine yourself as just some bad ass lumberjack." |
| 572 | * "One things that's interesting is when you examine one of the bodies that the zombies were feeding on earlier-" "ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" [Ross looks up to see a charging monster]] "[[OhCrap Moving on]]." |
| 573 | * "Look at this tree! Is this not the most Halloween trees you've ever seen? I bet they used to hang people every week from this tree." |
| 574 | * "Even though this guy is [[TheIlluminati Illuminati]], I like him because he's old school Illuminati. So instead of power, he's more concerned about truth and overly complicated puzzles." |
| 575 | * While Ross is complaining about how some of the puzzles force him to go online to search for clues, making it too easy to just look up the solution, it's accompanied by footage of him typing "Just tell me the damn answer" into a search engine. |
| 576 | * "It's the zombie bridge! Don't wake the zombies! ''Don't wake the zombies!'' Oh, no; we woke them!" |
| 577 | * Ross's description of tentacles coming out of the ground. |
| 578 | -->'''Ross:''' Here's some sort of oil spill but it's been classified as safe by the EPA so nothing to worry. |
| 579 | * "WELCOME, PARDNER TO WENDIGO RANCH! YEE-HAW!" |
| 580 | * Ross starts talking about graffiti reading "TSW" showing up around where he lives around the time when he started playing the game and goes on about how it might have been stealth marketing or maybe a hint to some sort of puzzle. Then he suggests the more likely mundane option. |
| 581 | -->'''Ross:''' "I mean, surely it's not just some dumbshit tagger putting his initials because he doesn't have any ''actual'' graffiti art talent, is it?" |
| 582 | * [about a ghost] "I don't know if we should buy pumpkins from this lady. What do you think? [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I think they're a little pricey.]]" |
| 583 | * "And we have another nice side attraction of a writer holed up in a lighthouse where all he does is write, get drunk, snipe zombies, and take potshots at anyone else that gets too close... Living the dream." |
| 584 | * At one point, Ross focuses the camera on a particularly creepy looking enemy, [[{{Troll}} while advising the audience not to think about the thing before going to bed.]] |
| 585 | * [[NonSequitur "Ladies!"]] |
| 586 | * "FIRE!" |
| 587 | * Ross lists off some of the demonic enemies in the game. |
| 588 | -->'''Ross:''' We have damned souls, a succubus... ''[enemy's actual name appears above its head]'' No, excuse me, a ''Consecratrix''. That's funny. I bet a Catholic came up with this one. |
| 589 | * The picture of Ross's first award for this game is a [[DissonantSerenity smiling man being hanged]]. |
| 590 | * TheStinger from the episode: "HEY! I DID IT! I WON! I FOUND CARMEN SANDIEGO! NO WONDER NOBODY COULD FIND HER! SHE'S ''INSIDE'' THE WORLD!" |
| 591 | [[/folder]] |
| 592 | |
| 593 | [[folder:Dungeon Siege]] |
| 594 | * "This menu makes me think there's a bunch of gnomes inside my computer cranking all these gears to make the game work." |
| 595 | * Ross gives an AlternateCharacterInterpretation of the main character as a simple farmer who is only fighting evil because orcs attacked his farm and he ''really'' doesn't want it to happen again. |
| 596 | * "Oh, and something worth mentioning. This game was obviously inspired by ''{{VideoGame/Diablo}}'' so we have the familiar red and blue potions but there is a short delay when you heal. That's because your character literally takes out the potion and drinks it. So, instead of healing being a button that's symbolic the way it is in a lot of [=RPGs=], here it's based on 'How fast can you chug?' I think we can all agree, this is the best healing system. I know lots of college students do." |
| 597 | * "This game awakens your inner-kleptomaniac and brings real purpose to picking up everything that isn't nailed down." |
| 598 | * "This does get a little tedious, I admit, but, hey, you only have to do it every couple hours." |
| 599 | * "One thing I didn't notice right away is that the foliage near your character turns transparent as you get closer so you can see what you're doing. That's fine, except they disappear altogether. TA-DA! And for my next magic trick, we have water-breathing dwarves." |
| 600 | * "Also, the minigun damage is WAY too low." |
| 601 | * "[[SarcasmMode Yeah, don't worry about your buddies getting attacked. You're good. You're here as an impartial observer. That's why we brought you along]]." |
| 602 | * "No matter how tough of a fighter you think you are, you get in a fight with a barrel full of gunpowder, you're going to lose." |
| 603 | * "[[TheStinger 'Hammer of Stabbing'. Why yes! I believe I WILL take one of those.]]" |
| 604 | [[/folder]] |
| 605 | |
| 606 | [[folder:Still Life]] |
| 607 | * Ross's cookie jones: |
| 608 | -->'''Dad:''' Speaking of your grandmother, this year could you get around to making her special holiday cookies?\ |
| 609 | '''Ross:''' Yeah! Some cookies!\ |
| 610 | '''Victoria:''' ''[in the kitchen]'' Maybe Dad's trying to send me a message. I'll do them later.\ |
| 611 | '''Ross:''' NO, YOU'LL DO THEM ''NOW''! Sorry...\ |
| 612 | ''[later]''\ |
| 613 | '''Dad:''' When do you think you could do those cookies?\ |
| 614 | '''Ross:''' Yeah, what the hell, Victoria? |
| 615 | ** Related, when Victoria finds out her dad ate all the cookies. |
| 616 | --->'''Victoria:''' Jeez, Dad! You could have let me have at least ''one''!\ |
| 617 | '''Ross:''' WELL IF YOU WANTED MORE COOKIES, YOU SHOULD HAVE BAKED A DOUBLE BATCH! I ''ATE'' ALL THE COOKIES AND NOW I'M FIXING THE JACUZZI! WHERE'S MY "DAD OF THE YEAR" AWARD?! |
| 618 | * Ross gives a fairly plausible, coherent theory on the identity of the killer in the game (whom [[spoiler:is never actually revealed in the game proper]]) from what he could gleam playing the game. When explaining the holes in his own theory, though, he notes: |
| 619 | -->'''Ross:''' ...Either that, [[spoiler:or the killer is a vampire. He has the same MO as the killer from 1929, plus, if you look at the footage, look at his shadow. ''[shadow moves unnaturally quickly]'' Who ''does'' that? ''Vampires'', that's who. I guess he got into the morgue using [[VideoGame/CastlevaniaSymphonyOfTheNight mist form]].]] |
| 620 | [[/folder]] |
| 621 | |
| 622 | [[folder:Puzzle Agent]] |
| 623 | * Ross goes over some of the influences on the game, such as ''Film/{{Fargo}}'', ''WesternAnimation/WallaceAndGromit'', ''Series/TwinPeaks'', and ''Series/TheXFiles'', and states that if the viewer doesn't like any of those things, they probably won't like the game. Cue footage of a blank-faced Ross, sounding as if he's about to burst into tears: |
| 624 | -->'''Ross:''' [[ComplainingAboutPeopleNotLikingTheShow You don't like Wallace & Gromit...?]] |
| 625 | * Praising agent Nelson every time he pulls out his gun, although he thinks he should open his eyes while shooting. |
| 626 | * At one point Ross relates a story involving a shirt with Daryl's face on it, and how often when he rides the bus there are [[GrumpyOldMan Grumpy Old Ladies]] who "don't approve of [his] existence". One such old lady got into a staring contest with the shirt. She lost. |
| 627 | -->'''Ross:''' Thanks, Daryl!\ |
| 628 | '''Daryl:''' [[NonSequitur Spirits live in the forest!]] |
| 629 | [[/folder]] |
| 630 | |
| 631 | [[folder:Boppin']] |
| 632 | * "''Boppin''' is a platforming puzzle game. Not to be confused with ''Bip Bop''. We're not bop-bippin' the boop-beeps here, just Boppin'." |
| 633 | * Tom getting increasingly frustrated with the game's...unique mechanics, while Ross praises the game and occasionally drops non-sequiturs in the midst of Tom's ranting. |
| 634 | -->'''Tom:''' This game is like occasionally getting sat on by a much bigger kid from school. He doesn't hit you or take anything. He just likes to remind you how powerless you are. |
| 635 | -->'''Ross:''' Tom, your head is round; you're not thinking like a triangle. |
| 636 | -->''[[FacePalm Cut to Tom squeezing his temples.]]'' |
| 637 | [[/folder]] |
| 638 | |
| 639 | [[folder:Darkspore]] |
| 640 | * Ross complains about how every ability in the game has a cooldown. |
| 641 | -->'''Ross:''' I don't like cooldowns. [[SuddenlyShouting DON'T TELL ME TO COOL DOWN!]] ''[Explosion]'' |
| 642 | * [[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext "I'll transfix]] ''[[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext your]]'' [[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext combinatorics]], [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch!"]] |
| 643 | |
| 644 | [[/folder]] |
| 645 | |
| 646 | [[folder:Rama]] |
| 647 | * The noise Ross makes while changing the video resolution. |
| 648 | -->'''WIIIIIIIIIIIIDE''' |
| 649 | * Ross going through all the characters and deciding whether or not they would actually be allowed to become astronauts. Almost everyone fails from health and mental issues, including the player character for being [[KleptomaniacHero a total kleptomaniac]]. |
| 650 | -->'''Ross:''' You're a nice guy, but you're too old and fat for space! Get out of here! |
| 651 | ** This one specifically would prove even funnier for people who read the book that the game is based ('''not''' the first one like the title would suggest, but a later one) since this character not only becomes the only survivor by the end of the story but ends up living to the mid-to-late ''hundred'' years old. |
| 652 | [[/folder]] |
| 653 | |
| 654 | [[folder:The Chosen: Well of Souls]] |
| 655 | * Ross approaches [[WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd AVGN]]-levels of rage during the EarlyGameHell that is [[ThatOneLevel Level 3]]. |
| 656 | ** In the midst of Level 3: |
| 657 | --->'''Narrator:''' Eternal damnation awaits us all.\ |
| 658 | '''Ross:''' Don't tell me that, man." |
| 659 | ** Ross's whole rant about the [[BossInMooksClothing tough monster]] at the beginning of the level, which is the fastest enemy so far, has insta-kill damage, and takes over a ''hundred blows'' to kill. It's a glorious combination of RageBreakingPoint and ThisIsGonnaSuck, setting the stage for the rest of the level. |
| 660 | * Ross doing the ''Nyet III'' game over whine upon encountering a cave full of obstacles to test his patience and resolve: |
| 661 | -->'''Ross:''' "Oh hey! A cave I need to go into. It only has [[GoddamnedBats twenty bats]], [[DemonicSpiders giant zombies]], and [[KillItWithFire excessive flame traps]]. ''Waaaahahahaaaa!''" |
| 662 | * The [[SoBadItsGood voice acting]] in the game is a crowning moment of funny in itself: all Ross has to do is let it run. He speculates that the female character he picked must have been voiced by the girlfriend or relative of one of the developers, because they couldn't afford to hire any actual voice actors and she was literally the only woman they knew who spoke English. The voice acting for the two male character choices were apparently even worse. |
| 663 | * At one point, Ross likens the game to the work of Creator/EdWood, in that whoever made it was clearly extremely passionate about it and put a lot of love and care into their work, but it still sucks. When he identifies Ed as "the worst director in Hollywood," an image of Uwe Boll pops up for an instant. |
| 664 | [[/folder]] |
| 665 | |
| 666 | [[folder:Spiderbot]] |
| 667 | * Ross claims playing this game as a kid affected him for life, leaving scars deep in his unconscious mind, and that the game is the reason he doesn't do drugs. |
| 668 | -->'''Ross:''' I never wanted to expand my mind that way because I already knew what I might find: more ''Spiderbot''. |
| 669 | * The RunningGag where Ross goes on a tangent on the game's depressing, near-nihilistic and utterly unexplained apparent AfterTheEnd, finishing with a [[MoodWhiplash cheery]] "Spiderbot!" |
| 670 | [[/folder]] |
| 671 | |
| 672 | [[folder:Deus Ex]] |
| 673 | [[AC:Original Game]] |
| 674 | * Ross repeatedly calls attention to the in-game bio for the terrorist leader in the first level. It lists him as having no hair, even though he clearly has a full head of hair. |
| 675 | * Ross says the best approach is to think like a slasher movie villain with a gun and a badge. |
| 676 | |
| 677 | [[AC:Invisible War]] |
| 678 | * While talking about how much he loves hiding bodies with the ragdoll physics: |
| 679 | -->'''Ross:''' ''[walks up to cop]'' Hello, officer. Quiet night tonight, isn't it? Not many people on the street... ''[nervously eyes a nearby dumpster]'' |
| 680 | * At the end of the video, he recommends a [[{{Parody}} parody script]] of the game which points out a ton of plot holes regarding the game story. The one example he gives in the video is that Chicago being completely destroyed by a nanite bomb in the intro almost immediately undermines the [[EventTitle meaning behind the title]]. |
| 681 | -->'''Ross:''' That would make this the largest terrorist attack in the history of the world! [[SecretWar INVISIBLE WAR]], MY ASS! |
| 682 | |
| 683 | [[AC:Human Revolution]] |
| 684 | * Ross expresses his displeasure with the game's yellow tint with a particularly non sequitur {{Dissimile}}. |
| 685 | -->'''Ross:''' Tinting should be like a spice: save it for a flashback sequence. |
| 686 | * Ross mocking the game's clothing design in a long-winded "fashion show" commentary. |
| 687 | * Whenever discussing about the melee takedown system (and how he likes it so much especially when using non-lethal moves), Ross plays footage of Adam Jensen beating the shit out of terrorists and random bystanders alike with the overture of ''Ecce Gratum''. |
| 688 | ** Ross especially likes it that every time he uses a non-lethal takedown (some of which look quite painful), the game rewards him with a "Merciful Soul" XP bonus: |
| 689 | --->'''Ross:''' ''[as Adam breaks a man's arm and pimp-slaps him out cold]'' This isn't really what comes to mind when I think of the word "mercy", but sure, I'll take it. 20 points! |
| 690 | * "This is a prominent special interests group leader, but his body lnaguage is saying [[MakesSenseInContext "I am a bashful anime school boy."]] The game is loaded with crap like this." |
| 691 | [[/folder]] |
| 692 | |
| 693 | [[folder:Contraption Zack]] |
| 694 | * The improvised voice acting reserved for games with static cutscenes returns in [[WorldOfHam all of its hammy glory]]; in particular, Ross's [[DeepSouth point-for-point]] [[LargeHam performance as]] [[CloudCuckooLander the bug-eyed coworker with the red hat]]. |
| 695 | -->'''Ross (as Coworker with the Red Hat):''' OOH, OOH, I NEED YER WRENCH! |
| 696 | * When Ross starts to become baffled by the game's [[ScrappyMechanic inconsistent logic concerning puzzle switches and the like]]: |
| 697 | -->'''Ross:''' Look at this: I flip a yellow switch, gray spikes go up also. Oops, I mean the gray button makes the yellow spikes go up. {{Beat}} [[MindScrew Wait,]] [[FlatWhat what?]] |
| 698 | * On how almost everyone at Gadget Co. is nothing more than a CastFullOfCrazy: |
| 699 | -->'''Ross:''' [[CaptainObvious No one sane works at this company, and it shows]]. |
| 700 | * Ross trying to figure out exactly ''what'' Gadget Co. actually manufactures, little to no end. |
| 701 | * Ross getting a JumpScare when the [=AdLib/SoundBlaster=] midi [[GoodBadBugs briefly glitches out]] and [[SensoryAbuse produces some screeching static]] before the music plays normally. |
| 702 | * TheStinger, where [[spoiler: Ross is having issues with the game's save option]]. |
| 703 | -->'''Ross:''' [[spoiler: No, ''no''. Save. Save! I'm hitting every key, you're going to make me redo this whole level? SAVE! AAHHH-]] |
| 704 | [[/folder]] |
| 705 | |
| 706 | [[folder:Realms of the Haunting]] |
| 707 | * Ross's [[BigNo horrified reaction]] to keyboard aiming in a first-person shooter, timed with in-game [[DramaticThunder Dramatic Thunder]]. |
| 708 | * When giving examples of ways that the game keeps the player guessing, he talks about a room with endlessly respawning golem enemies. Cue a SmashCut to said room with the floor absolutely '''covered''' in golem corpses. |
| 709 | -->'''Ross''': At least, I think it's endless. I dunno, I ran out of ammo. |
| 710 | * The utter absurdity of the story hits a breaking point: feeding brains into a brain machine to unlock a door in Hell. |
| 711 | -->'''Ross''': At this point, I feel like the game has won, and I'm not actually questioning anything that's happening here. |
| 712 | * "Blowing everything up is an alternative way of achieving closure." |
| 713 | * At the very end, Ross's attempt to come up with AnAesop for the game: |
| 714 | -->'''Ross:''' "And remember, if a fake priest gives you a box of broken disks, you should go with it, because you might save the world and...I can't do it; this game doesn't make any sense!" |
| 715 | [[/folder]] |
| 716 | |
| 717 | [[folder:The Legend Of Kyrandia]] |
| 718 | * Ross notes how progressive the kingdom is for having imprisonment as a sentence for ''regicide''. |
| 719 | [[/folder]] |
| 720 | |
| 721 | [[folder:Freak Out: Extreme Freeride]] |
| 722 | * Ross's impression of what he calls "whiny rock" music. |
| 723 | * At one point, Ross recalls the last time he went to a ski resort. In the middle of the road was a booth stopping people to ask why they're there. He speculates that the resort feared that someone would try to bomb the slopes, and questions why they just couldn't use a bomb-sniffing dog in the parking lot. When Ross and his friend came back form lunch, there was a long stop of one car at the booth. This is what Ross's friend thought happened: |
| 724 | -->'''Security Guard:''' Hello, sir. Can I ask you what your business here is?\ |
| 725 | '''Sketchy Man:''' BOMB! I mean, skiing. |
| 726 | [[/folder]] |
| 727 | |
| 728 | [[folder:Baldies]] |
| 729 | * Ross pondering his stakes in the game, as he has the genetics to both keep his hair and to go entirely bald. |
| 730 | -->'''Ross:''' My father has a full head of hair. As did ''his'' father. But wait a minute! I have an uncle on my ''mother's'' side who's ''not'' exactly with a full head of hair. ''[shows picture]'' This man used to have an '''''afro'''''. |
| 731 | * One of the awards given is "Best Explosive Cows". Well earned, but hilarious nonetheless. |
| 732 | * The stinger, with Ross having an unexpectedly [[{{Fingore}} nasty]] encounter with the helicopter and the hand cursor. |
| 733 | [[/folder]] |
| 734 | |
| 735 | [[folder:Maabus]] |
| 736 | * Ross's reaction to how crazy the game interface is for his tank vehicle the moment he enters the game, as well as enjoying the fact that it comes with a SelfDestructMechanism. |
| 737 | * Ross realizing that he already [[TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt ended the world]] by dying to one of the island monsters just a minute into a game. |
| 738 | -->'''Ross:''' Oh, you didn't shoot the first monster one minute into the game? That's it. The whole world is dead. Good job asshole! You've killed us all! I hope you're happy with yourself. |
| 739 | * [[MakesJustasMuchSenseinContext "You can't get robbed by Blue Aliens if you can't SEE them!"]] |
| 740 | * Admiral: "It seems you've come across an alien spacecraft. [[DullSurprise Now things are beginning to make sense]]. More later." |
| 741 | -->'''Ross:''' Ah, of course! Now this all makes sense. Typical aliens. |
| 742 | ** This also becomes a sticking point of Ross' frustration with the game's SequelHook ending. |
| 743 | --->'''Ross:''' Wait, what about the aliens? You said this was starting to make sense and would tell me more later. Well it's later now, right? [[LeftHanging Now you can explain what happened?]] |
| 744 | ** This would inspire someone to make a [=YouTube=] account roleplaying as the Admiral, and posting "Ah, a new Game Dungeon. Now things are beinning to make sense. More later." or something similar on nearly every episode. |
| 745 | * Ross gives the game a special fourth award. [[spoiler: [[TakeThat Best Story by a Six Year-old!]]]] And then proceeds to make a very convincing case for it with a tone-perfect [[spoiler:impression of said child]]. |
| 746 | [[/folder]] |
| 747 | |
| 748 | [[folder:Follow-up Episode #2]] |
| 749 | * A fan named Chris emailed Ross to inform him that he has access to a high-end printer, and is willing print a professional-quality poster of the entire map of ''Revenant'' for Ross, up to 44 inches wide and with no limit on length, provided Ross finishes mapping the game himself and sends him the image. Due to how big the game is, Ross says it's going to take him a while. |
| 750 | -->'''Ross:''' And to quote him, "In a years time, we'll probably have both forgotten about this... we'll see."\ |
| 751 | ''[Cut to Ross staring into the camera]''\ |
| 752 | '''Ross:''' ''[dead serious]'' Oh, I won't forget what you said, Chris... |
| 753 | [[/folder]] |
| 754 | |
| 755 | [[folder:Armed & Delirious]] |
| 756 | * The episode's opening is a clip of [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext a furry snail like creature with the face and tail of a Chihuahua being ridden by a droopy faced mouse talking about "The saviour of the plants, the Queen of the Compost" while staring directly into the camera.]] |
| 757 | -->'''Ross:''' [[FlatWhat What?]] |
| 758 | * The game is so bizarre that Ross needed to do more than an ''hour'' to share it with the viewer. And he needed to take a break halfway through because it was ''too'' bizarre. |
| 759 | -->'''Ross''': I knew this day would come. Ever since I started this series I knew there was no avoiding ''this'' game. Let me say right now, this one is gonna get ''weird''. It's gonna be weird and long and I'm not sure any of us will be the same afterwards. |
| 760 | * Given the number of people hurt, killed, or screwed over by Granny for seemingly no reason, Ross decides that the family was protecting the world by keeping her locked in the attic. |
| 761 | * Ross experiences technical difficulties. |
| 762 | -->'''Ross''': See, this is Disk 5, and Disk 5 hates everyone. |
| 763 | * There is a puzzle where Granny has to make a hairdresser fall down a manhole, but the puzzle must be done in a precise manner and the game gives away absolutely no clues on how to do it correctly, nor is there any logical connection between the puzzle and the result. Ross's reaction is about what you'd expect. |
| 764 | -->''[Cut to a stupefied Ross silently staring at the camera]''\ |
| 765 | '''Ross''': '''''WHO WOULD EVER THINK TO DO THIS?!''''' |
| 766 | * Ross gets to a combination lock with ''512'' possible combinations but hadn't found any clue in the game as to what the correct one is. After scouring ''three'' separate walkthroughs and confirming that no clue exists in the game ''at all'', he found this gem. |
| 767 | -->'''Walkthrough''': If you are ''[[LuckBasedMission shockingly unlucky]]'' and have to go through ALL the combinations before you hit the correct one, it still can't take any longer than 30 to 45 minutes.\ |
| 768 | ''[Once again, cut to Ross silently staring at the camera in bewilderment]'' |
| 769 | ** Ross brings up a comment from the manual where the lead designer stated "[[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial this game is not the fruit of a sick man's mind]]". The fact that he felt the need to put this in the ''manual'' tells Ross everything he needs to know. |
| 770 | *** During one of the more bizarre moments of the ending, Ross puts up the quote on-screen again just to drive the point home. The moment itself? Granny spread across several monitors saying the following: |
| 771 | ---->'''Granny:''' [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment Three nothing onions dipped in cow dung, two falafels with moose cock, one chief plant with pubic hair, and so on.]] |
| 772 | *** All the while, Ross is begging, "Granny, ''stop.'' '''Stop.'''" |
| 773 | *** The best / worst part about it? That's ''[[SubvertedTrope not]]'' actually a complete non-sequitur. [[{{Squick}} That's Granny reading from her recipe book.]] ''[[FridgeHorror That's the carrot soup recipe the game has revolved around.]]'' |
| 774 | * One door is found by clicking on the ''sun'' and dragging it to the side. |
| 775 | -->'''Ross''': I both respect and resent the game for doing this. |
| 776 | * Ross's LongList of all the bad tropes for an adventure game this game uses, from too much inventory (some of which have ''no use'') to the aforementioned puzzle with up to 512 solutions. |
| 777 | ** One of the things on that list is "'''SCREW YOURSELF'''[[labelnote:*]]that is, put yourself in a situation where you're unable to complete the game[[/labelnote]] '''AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT'''", with Ross calling it "the biggest sin of all for old adventure games". |
| 778 | -->'''Ross''': Anybody that does ''this'' deserves to go to developer hell.\ |
| 779 | ''([[TakeThat the Sierra logo appears]])'' |
| 780 | * When Granny meets the rabbit. |
| 781 | -->'''Granny:''' Where is my [[ExcusePlot recipe book]]?\ |
| 782 | '''Rabbit:''' I don't care.\ |
| 783 | '''Ross:''' Good answer. |
| 784 | * [[BlatantLies "This part is pretty self-explanatory: don't have to say much here]]. [[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext You just have to remember bullets belong in mushrooms, because those get giants every time."]] |
| 785 | * Some in the comments have suggested that some ([[BigLippedAlligatorMoment not all]] but some)) of the more bizarre moments are based on Israeli puns and cultural references, and that playing the game in English is like playing a wordplay heavy English game like ''{{VideoGame/MonkeyIsland}}'' in another language. |
| 786 | [[/folder]] |
| 787 | |
| 788 | [[folder:Hinterland]] |
| 789 | * Ross regretfully reveals that you can't be the Green Goblin chucking pumpkin bombs around - it's one or the other. |
| 790 | ** After the credits, Ross revisits the pumpkin bombs. He does not take them being underpowered and a reskin of fireballs well. At all. |
| 791 | [[/folder]] |
| 792 | |
| 793 | [[folder:Life Is Strange]] |
| 794 | * Ross is annoyed by Max being ''required'' to take a selfie in class to progress the plot, pointing out how stupidly narcissistic it is. He then pulls history's most famous selfie to show her competition: [[Creator/VincentVanGogh Van Gogh]]'s "Self-Portrait". |
| 795 | -->'''Ross''': Oh, well that's kind of plain, isn't it? Yeah, it is, but this is in galleries because he ''cut off his ear''. And he isn't even making a big deal about that, he's just like "Yeah, I see you". The art world recognizes that as ''metal''. |
| 796 | * Victoria trash-talking Max pisses Ross off on three fronts. Aside from her obvious put-down, she's also so painfully hipster he can't imagine anyone else taking her seriously. And that's before she gets pissed about Max answering before her, despite having sat there for several ''minutes'' without answering. |
| 797 | * Ross mutes the music volume when Max plays her iPod and suggests that she might want better music so she can look cool. He proposes a bunch of metal bands. |
| 798 | ** This segues into a discussion of what to call Max's generation and the fact that so far as he knows the media hasn't yet decided on how to talk shit about them. We might as well go based on their music choices. |
| 799 | --->'''Ross''': So tell us, Generation Z, how should the rest of humanity judge you? |
| 800 | * Instead of having Max use her time power to save Chloe from getting shot, Ross figures it would be better to let it happen, as the shooter likely wouldn't be able to get away with it despite his father's influence (which would also be diminished because of it). Bullying would also decrease since no small-time bully would be able to top murder, and the police investigation would stop their activity anyway (in part because the Vortex Club would be shut down). He also doesn't care that much about Chloe, given her first impression. |
| 801 | -->'''Ross:''' You're not a bad person, you just froze up. That happens to everybody.[[note]]The ''best'' part about this statement? [[spoiler: In one of the endings, that's ''exactly'' what happens. And since Ross doesn't seem to have played past the point he showed us, [[StrangeMindsThinkAlike he doesn't seem to be aware that it happened]].]][[/note]] |
| 802 | * The comparison Ross uses while talking about Chloe's stilted PrettyFlyForAWhiteGuy dialogue: |
| 803 | -->'''Ross:''' "Bidness" and "hella cash" in your obviously well-brought-up accent! Have you ever heard a foreigner that can't speak English too well start swearing awkwardly? "[[{{Angrish}} YOU ARE SON OF SHIT-ASS!]]" Well, this is like that, only worse. |
| 804 | * ''[after a girl talks shit at Max]'' "Hey guys, I think I found a bug! There's no [[ShutUpHannibal 'Bitch, please!']] option on my decision wheel, it's missing." |
| 805 | * One of the awards is "Most White Middle-Aged Black Teenager" due to really bad voice casting for the character of Hayden. |
| 806 | -->'''Ross''': You know, I hate to be that guy, but if I had a daughter I don't think I would be comfortable with her talking to a middle-aged white man pretending to be a black teenager. |
| 807 | * "It's an old saying that [[BestServedCold revenge is a dish best served]] [[SubvertedTrope with an appitizer of whoopass."]] |
| 808 | * People who've played through the entire game will probably notice that many of Ross's complaints accidentally predict events that happen in later chapters. |
| 809 | ** His dislike of [[spoiler: Mr. Jefferson]] is hilarious in the way he phrases it, considering [[spoiler: he's targeting Max as a potential victim]]. |
| 810 | --->'''Ross''': Nothing [[SerialKiller this guy]] says is going to help you in life. |
| 811 | ** While figuring out the game's mechanics, Ross briefly expresses how creepy it would be for him, a grown man, to read Max's diary. [[spoiler: Mr. Jefferson has no such reservations]]. |
| 812 | ** Ross says allowing Nathan to kill Chloe has some beneficial long-term consequences, primarily getting Nathan exposed and imprisoned. [[spoiler: The Sacrifice Chloe Ending has Nathan kill Chloe and get arrested as a result, damaging his family's reputation, exposing Jefferson, and shaking the town]]. |
| 813 | ** Some of the other reasons he suggests letting Nathan kill Chloe are seeing the PR nightmare for the school, police investigation, and causing bullying to grind to a halt since the other bullies won't seem so intimidating compared to a murderer (plus there would be cops all over the school due to the aforementioned investigation). [[spoiler: All of these are plot points if Max can't stop Kate from killing herself, which Nathan is partly responsible for]]. |
| 814 | ** Consistent frustration with not being able to act against the school leads Ross to wonder if it's possible to get expelled. With the right (or wrong) choices, Max can get suspended. |
| 815 | ** According to him, comforting Victoria will only signal to her you'll tolerate being picked on and won't change her. Being nice to her doesn't have a significant effect on her behavior. |
| 816 | ** Then there's the complaint that the game is signaling how saving Chloe was the wrong choice. [[spoiler: You have the option to undo this, and refusing to let her die causes the storm to destroy the town]]. |
| 817 | ** Ross repeatedly complains how he doesn't have the options he'd like to take. [[spoiler: Max's inability to make the changes she wants and getting worse results by relying on her powers becomes a major theme of the game]]. |
| 818 | ** After dumping the paint on Victoria, Ross complains that doing so could get the janitor, Samuel, fired. In the fourth episode, Victoria states she almost did get him fired over that. |
| 819 | ** Being stuck in a time loop of the same class is described as being like hell. [[spoiler: Max gets stuck back in the first class ''again'' in the final episode, first to save her life, then again as part of the NightmareSequence, and she even says it might be hell. Another part of the nightmare involves being stuck in a maze made of the Blackwell campus, and a dorm floor where every door loops back to the start]]. |
| 820 | ** Just the idea that Ross not liking the game comes from him being too GenreSavvy. Not only can he disconstruct everyone's personalities from first impressions, but that he knows that Max is making all of the wrong choices and is frustrated that he can't lead her down the correct path. The game revolves around its twists and difficult choices whereas Ross figures out what needs to happen in the story just minutes into playing it. |
| 821 | [[/folder]] |
| 822 | |
| 823 | [[folder:The Black Mirror]] |
| 824 | * Ross addresses right away that this episode is neither about ''Series/BlackMirror'' the TV show, nor is it about ''VideoGame/BlackMirrorVideoGames'' the video game set to be released in late November 2017 (though that game is part of the same series as this one). |
| 825 | -->'''Ross:''' This is '''''The''' Black Mirror''. ''[zooms in on the "The" on the boxart]'' See? "The". This game was ''first''. |
| 826 | ** He brings this up again in TheStinger. |
| 827 | --->'''Ross''': You know, somebody's ''still'' gonna make a comment how they thought this was about the ''Black Mirror'' show, I guarantee it. Just look at the comments for the new game trailer. ''[condescending]'' Yeah, this is from season ''five'', jackasses. You weren't paying attention. |
| 828 | * Ross is more than happy to play the rich aristocrat role. |
| 829 | -->'''Bates:''' I took the liberty to clean up your room, I believe you'll be satisfied with the results.\ |
| 830 | '''Ross (as Samuel):''' I will be the judge of ''that''! |
| 831 | ** Really, the sheer mileage Ross squeezes out of the aristocratic nature of the main character, Samuel Gordon. He even awards the game for Classiest Protagonist. |
| 832 | --->'''Samuel:''' Henry, there is blood in the grinder in front of the greenhouse.\ |
| 833 | '''Ross:''' I can not imagine someone saying that line in a classier tone. |
| 834 | ** Ross mocks Samuel's grandmother by saying in a hammy aristocratic tone, "Do you truly know what it means to be a Gordon?!" Many of the Youtube comments say that [[WebVideo/FreemansMind they're pretty sure Ross knows what it means to be a Gordon]]. |
| 835 | ** Ross taking particular offense at the help stealing the family's wine. |
| 836 | --->'''Ross (as Samuel):''' You expect ''me'' to believe that ''my'' grandfather gave ''you'', the ''stable hand'', a bottle of our finest wine?! I may have been gone for twelve years, but I was ''not'' born yesterday! How ''convenient'' that your only alibi is now dead! Is that a ''motive'' I smell, or is it horse manure? |
| 837 | ** He's also decidedly ''unimpressed'' with the state of the room Bates has prepared for Samuel. |
| 838 | --->'''Ross:''' Does our butler take me for a common vagabond? Satisfied with the results ''indeed!'' Ah well, we're the guests, we'll have to make do with those meager accommodations. |
| 839 | * Ross's immediate assumption of who was behind the LockedRoomMystery of his grandfather's death: Ninjas. He must have insulted another dojo while younger. |
| 840 | ** He also appreciates that there's no ambiguity on whether Samuel's grandfather is really dead or not; given how his landing bent a cast iron fence ninety degrees, he's obviously ''very'' dead. |
| 841 | * "That's naturally where we keep the battleaxes for unwanted visitors, and I like how completely [[BlatantLies non-suspiciously]] our butler is sharpening the knives here." |
| 842 | * Ross dislikes the game's ending and would prefer it if Samuel embraced his family curse and became TheAntichrist, opening the portal to Hell and leading the demons in an invasion of Earth. Why? Because it would make for a good prequel to ''Bozo's Night Out'', which also takes place in England only several years later, and features what Ross interprets as a demonic invasion. |
| 843 | [[/folder]] |
| 844 | |
| 845 | [[folder:Captain Zzap]] |
| 846 | * The fact that, as Ross put it, the single biggest, most stand-out element in the entire HUD is ''worse than useless'', because it's a map that looks like it might help but does nothing other than mislead. |
| 847 | * Ross goes deep into the game's origins and copyright-dodging, eventually determining it isn't a dodgy attempt at publishing a game with an expired license or a ShoddyKnockoffProduct, but a game that ''leaked from an alternate reality''. The [[BeardOfEvil facial hair Zzap himself wears]] helped the decision. |
| 848 | ** He also takes time to note that [[CallBack Flash knows what it means to be a Gordon]]. |
| 849 | * Trying to map out the [[NintendoHard stupidly convoluted jungle maze]], Ross ends up passing through the ''Flash Gordon'' movie's own jungle scene. |
| 850 | * Ross's description of the game's difficulty curve, moving from "Cryptic Hard / Medium Easy" in the first level (depending on whether you know what you're doing), to "Bumbling Easy" for the second, to [[DifficultySpike "GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD"]] for the third. |
| 851 | [[/folder]] |
| 852 | |
| 853 | [[folder:Quadralien]] |
| 854 | * Ross's subdued confusion near the beginning, as he attempts to [[MindScrew figure out what the hell is going on in this game]]. |
| 855 | * At one point, Ross goes into a brief rant about how you have to hit the in-game "Quit" option in order to change level, but pressing your keyboard's actual Escape key will immediately end the game and delete all your progress. |
| 856 | -->'''Ross:''' DO NOT PRESS THE ESCAPE KEY! YOU NEED TO PRESS THE "''QUIT''" KEY! NOT THE "''ESCAPE''" KEY! '''DO YOU UNDERST-''' |
| 857 | * Ross says he always gets the games ''VideoGame/AlienCarnage'' and ''Alien Rampage'' confused due to their similar titles. So confused that when he shows the boxart of both games, he gives both of them the wrong label underneath, ''despite the titles being clearly visible in both pictures''. Then he brings up a third game, ''VideoGame/AlienRage'', and says it only adds to his confusion. Sure enough, when he shows the boxart, he also gives it the wrong label underneath. |
| 858 | ** Ross laments that ''VideoGame/AlienCarnage'' used to be called ''Halloween Harry'', and wonders why anyone would dare change such a perfect name for a game. |
| 859 | --->'''Ross:''' You change a name like that, there's nowhere to go but down. |
| 860 | * While comparing the video and audio, Ross [[RunningGag is hypnotized by the pulsing circuitry]] and begins [[BlackSpeech muttering]]. |
| 861 | * The BigLippedAlligatorMoment which occurs when Ross moves from one screen to the next and...''something'' (quite possibly a glitch) happens on-screen: |
| 862 | -->'''Ross:''' Even if you think you understand things, you don't, because you can occasionally break through to another layer of reality, and ''oh no, it's [[VoiceOfTheLegion happening again,]] '''[[VoiceOfTheLegion we've entered the other space]]'''''! |
| 863 | [[/folder]] |
| 864 | |
| 865 | [[folder:A New Beginning]] |
| 866 | * Ross regularly points out the game's confusion over what its tone should be, alternating between a deadly serious discussion of global warming and cackling Saturday morning cartoon villains. |
| 867 | ** Ultimately, he concludes the writer was trying to create a serious plot but got drunk while watching ''WesternAnimation/CaptainPlanet''. |
| 868 | * Ross complains that Fay's laser gun was taken away from her for no reason, immediately after she blasts a hole in the apartment where her team is holed up. |
| 869 | * When the plot twist emerges, revealing [[spoiler:the future events are in 2500]] and the current events are in 1982, Ross pauses his review to point out how it is obviously ''not'' 1982. He proves this with a montage of flat-screen monitors. |
| 870 | ** Having not realized the game was not in the present day, Ross admits he was ''[[CallBack Black Mirror]]'''d again. |
| 871 | [[/folder]] |
| 872 | |
| 873 | [[folder:The Crew]] |
| 874 | * Ross finds the story, and the main character in particular, so bland and uninteresting that he actually couldn't remember the main character's name was Alex. He had to wait until it was mentioned by the game to remember it and even then each time Ross uses Alex's name after that comes with a brief pause as he recalls it. |
| 875 | * After explaining all the dull to straight-up bad aspect of the game Ross explains why he chose to talk about it: You can drive across America. |
| 876 | -->'''Ross:''' So many reviews chalked this up as a mediocre game, but when I see I can drive ''all over'' the US, I'm wondering why there wasn't a ''parade in the streets'' over this. Every criticism you may hear about this game is probably ''true''. It's just that the answer to ''everything'' is that you can drive all across the United States. Oh, the handling's not the best? Oh, well, you can drive all across the United States. There's not enough cars to choose from? Well, you can drive all across the United States! |
| 877 | * "And we're still in the park heading out to Las Vegas. I remember in Arcade America, I ran into a bear, but we probably don't have to worry about that out in the woods here, because the BAM! INVISIBLE ROCK! TOTALED! Yeah! Invisible rocks! You just can't be too careful while driving. |
| 878 | * (About Mount Rushmore) "Also, I'm sad to report that there are natural barriers on all sides. So best I can tell, it's impossible to do stunt jumps off of George Washington's head. Come on game, you can't pretend you didn't know people were going to want to do that. |
| 879 | * Ross notices a "Pick Your Own Corn" sign on the side of the road and immediately veers off the road and crashes through the fence at over 100 mph to go get some. |
| 880 | -->'''Ross:''' [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny Pick your own corn! Oh, boy!]] |
| 881 | * Ross discovers that there's such a thing as the UncannyValley of roads. Namely, unmarked backwoods dirt roads that are inexplicably as wide as five-lane highways. |
| 882 | * The single landmark that Ross hypes up the most, complete with epic music building up to the reveal. |
| 883 | -->'''Ross:''' And continuing [[Videogame/ArcadeAmerica Joey's route]], I guess we're headed to Chicago first. But first... ''but first''... We have... '''Salem Sue, [[MundaneMadeAwesome the biggest Holstein cow statue in the world]]'''! America, everyone! |
| 884 | * "Bigfoot!" |
| 885 | * "Thinking about someone's dead brother doesn't put me in the mood for stunt jumps." |
| 886 | * "If this is Teen-rated, can't we have some ragdoll action too? We don't have to kill them. They can get right back up, I just want to see them roll off my hood." |
| 887 | * "[[BlatantLies Beautiful]] Port Arthur." |
| 888 | * After complaining about the thirty-second unskippable opening logos that run every time you try to play the game, he sums up his frustration: |
| 889 | -->'''Ross:''' See, it's the little things that take fifteen minutes of work for the developer to fix, but have such a colossal impact that make you want to burn a studio to the ground. |
| 890 | * "What's interesting about New York is, I was trying to see everything and the more time I spent in New York, the more I started feeling a little depressed. So I think they must've done pretty good job on portraying the city." |
| 891 | ** His comment that you never see traffic this light in New York without something involving the National Guard. |
| 892 | * The last item on the list of mods that Ross would like somebody to make for the game is to have [[Franchise/ScoobyDoo the Mystery Machine]] as a drivable vehicle. |
| 893 | * When complaining about other players harrassing him during online play, Ross concludes that his only solution is to run off to another part of the country: |
| 894 | -->'''Ross:''' Come get me now, punks; I'm in Nebraska! |
| 895 | [[/folder]] |
| 896 | |
| 897 | [[folder:Requital]] |
| 898 | * Thiest attempts to get Wolfhound to join him by saying he'll become rich and never have to guard merchants again if he does. Wolfhound's response? "Remain silent"-- a comeback that Ross finds so ''perfect'', it gets its own award. |
| 899 | ** It bears mentioning, part of what makes it perfect is that despite there being no words, Wolfhound's still delivering MouthFlaps. And true to form, the award is animated. |
| 900 | * Ross helps the viewer decide whether they should watch [[Film/TheWolfhound the movie the game is based on]]. |
| 901 | -->'''Ross:''' I think the benchmark for whether you should watch this movie is: "Do you own a sword?" As you watch this video ''right now'', is there some sort of sword hanging on your wall, or sitting next to your bed, or something? If you answered "yes", then you ''have'' to see ''Wolfhound''. You have no choice, it's your destiny. For everybody else, it's optional. |
| 902 | [[/folder]] |
| 903 | |
| 904 | [[folder:Halloween Sampler]] |
| 905 | * Ross's impersonation of [[WebVideo/HardlyWorking The Phantom]] and [[Series/AmericanChopper Paul Teutul Sr.]] during [[VideoGame/DeathRoadToCanada Death Road to Canada]]. |
| 906 | * "So mom drops you off at summer camp, and for the record, these [[CharacterPortrait faces]] make me want to punch everyone. This would be good for a brawler." |
| 907 | * [[MakesSenseInContext "You can't throw grenades very far with your feet, unless you're really good at hackysack."]] |
| 908 | [[/folder]] |
| 909 | |
| 910 | [[folder:Death's Hangover]] |
| 911 | * Ross leaves the secret endings unfinished, possibly to the displeasure of anyone who has to see the game in it's entirety. |
| 912 | -->'''Ross:''' I've had someone with OCD before call me a bad influence. They're probably right. |
| 913 | * The one award for the game: [[ItMakesSenseInContext "Not Macbeth."]] |
| 914 | [[/folder]] |
| 915 | |
| 916 | [[folder:Apocalyptica]] |
| 917 | * [[CueCardPause "Win or kiss. Christmas goodbye."]] |
| 918 | * Ross's reaction to finding out ''Deer Napped'' and ''Terror in Christmas Town'' are practically the same game. |
| 919 | -->'''Ross:''' I'm in gaming hell.\ |
| 920 | '''Ross:''' I didn't find the magic. Sorry guys. |
| 921 | * Ross finally giving up after trying three subpar Christmas-themed games. |
| 922 | * "I could just run at troopers like an armored piece of meat that I am and dish out holy justice for the Lord. So again, not quite Christmas, but we're trying in our own way." |
| 923 | * Ross being unable to figure out the purpose of the Bibles, "You know, besides the obvious..." |
| 924 | * "I guess we should stop corruption from spreading and all, but you know, if Satan just wanted some patch out in the desert, I'd be inclined to give it to him. But you know Neo-Satan, he's never happy." |
| 925 | * "Right now trying to solve this goal feels like an exam where you're stuck in a tough question, and then someone comes in the room and keeps punching you until you figure out the answer or else you get knocked out. I got knocked out." |
| 926 | * "A flying torso with a minigun for a mouth. Just in case weren't sure if we were fighting the bad guys or not." |
| 927 | * "So here we are in Hell. Hell looks a lot like [[VideoGame/QuakeI Quake]]. Who knew? Besides [[Creator/JohnRomero John Romero]], obviously." |
| 928 | * "So she doesn't know what we're doing, I don't know what I'm doing and neither do the developers. We've hit the trifecta of confusion." |
| 929 | * "And here he is: Neo-Satan and some Lovecraft-looking thing. Merry Christmas everyone!" |
| 930 | * "And we trapped Satan in an asteroid and shot him off into the space. So that sounds like saving Christmas to me." |
| 931 | [[/folder]] |
| 932 | |
| 933 | [[folder:The Cave World Saga]] |
| 934 | * Ross not knowing German might be becoming an increasing liability for the show. |
| 935 | * "This is like uncovering a lost temple in the jungle that only Germans have been to." |
| 936 | * "Space trucker games are few and far between. Now granted, there ARE a lot of space games that have you to move cargo from point A to point B, but that's not what I mean. Those don't give you any culture. I want to see you stop at Space Waffle House for breakfast, come across a fight at Space Road House, on long hauls, wonder if your wife is cheating on you back planetside. You don't get that from most space games." |
| 937 | * "Now his creator is working on making a special drug that's a small crystal. Yeah, we have those on my planet, too." |
| 938 | * Ross notice that with all the folks using Cal like a religious figure name Eric might have been better off waiting for him before starting his search. Likening it to have Jesus to assist you in your search in in Rio de Janeiro. |
| 939 | * Ross trying to figure out whether the games is a Sierra or [=LucasArts=] type of graphic adventure (essentially, whether or not the game is happy to let you screw yourself over by clicking one wrong thing and not tell you). |
| 940 | * Ross getting frustrated by the main character's unfathomably slow walk. |
| 941 | -->'''Ross:''' Eric "Speedy" [=MacDoughan=], everyone... |
| 942 | * "Even though this is in German, it speaks the universal language of Go-Buy-the-Hint-Guide." |
| 943 | * "She's pretty somber, but she lightens up and calls me cute when I say I'll bust her out of prison. Works every time, guys." |
| 944 | * "He should just get out of here and go back to space trucking. He has all he needs to write his own country song. Girl of his dreams left him for an android, he gets arrested trying to save her, busts out of jail, tames a dragon, and she doesn't even care." |
| 945 | * "[[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment Behold! A dragon gate! Beyond this point lies dragons!]] I'm assuming." |
| 946 | [[/folder]] |
| 947 | |
| 948 | [[folder:[=TrackMania=][[superscript:2]]]] |
| 949 | * Given how the 2 in the game's title is written Ross takes a moment to ask if this game is supposed to be ''[=TrackMania=] 2'' or ''[=TrackMania=] Squared''. He feels it really hasn't ''earned'' a mathematical function in its title, unlike ''Half-Life 2''. |
| 950 | * Ross offers his opinion on the story behind this game: The entire thing is some juvenile billionaire's pet project which races AI-controlled cars. Humanity has died out off-screen and what we're seeing is the automated system running out the last of its resources. |
| 951 | * Ross passed on the ''Stadium'' expansion as he isn't fond of the stadium format. Also [[Website/{{Google}} Stadia]] has recently emerged as his arch-nemesis and, on top of that, the presence of visible drivers in the ''Stadium'' cars pokes holes in his apocalypse theory. |
| 952 | * After an in-depth comparison of the game's graphics before and after an update which he feels was a significant downgrade, Ross notes that he had to do this to prove he wasn't going crazy. He then grouses that he's having to do this a lot more frequently for the Game Dungeon than he expected. |
| 953 | [[/folder]] |
| 954 | |
| 955 | [[folder:Veil of Darkness]] |
| 956 | * Since the bartender for the town looks quite similar to Creator/PeterLorre, Ross decides to voice him with the appropriate accent. |
| 957 | * Every time Chuck introduces himself Ross edit a sparkling tooth. |
| 958 | * Ross's recurring evil laugh whenever you die and [[NonstandardGameOver Kairn wins]]. |
| 959 | * Ross has a good laugh at the fact the vampire kills you [[FingerPokeOfDoom with a wicked, blood-spilling pimpslap across the face]]. |
| 960 | -->'''Ross:''' Why bother with anything more when you're a vampire? |
| 961 | * At one point, the protagonist becomes cursed which gives his picture on the HUD yellow glowing eyes. Ross says they look like VideoGame/{{Doom}}guy's eyes when he gets an invincibility powerup, so he pastes invincible Doomguy's head over the protagonist's on the HUD and leaves it that way until he has the curse lifted. |
| 962 | [[/folder]] |
| 963 | |
| 964 | [[folder:Phantasmagoria 2]] |
| 965 | * During the first sex scene in the game, Ross brings up that the actress playing Jocilyn is an actual softcore porn actress and brings up her IMDB page... in a small tab to the left while the scene still plays in the background since [[MsFanservice her tits are out]]. |
| 966 | -->'''Ross:''' But if we get up her IMDB profile -- yeah, don't worry, I won't cut away -- before this she had ''Playboy: Erotic Fantasies'', ''[[ParallelPornTitles Sex and the Single Alien]]'', ''An Erotic Vision of a Seductive Kind''... So yeah, I guess this is why they cast her. |
| 967 | ** From the same scene, Ross actually decides he does ''not'' want to [[CatchPhrase talk about the music]] yet... because that would require cutting away from the scene. |
| 968 | * Ross going through the RSCA ratings on the box cover. |
| 969 | -->'''Ross:''' Nudity/Sex. A four out of four. Awesome. We're going to be topping the charts there, we literally can't go any higher on the rating. Aren´t you glad this is gonna be uncensored? |
| 970 | * Ross being increasingly disappointed that the game was rated a 4/4 for Nudity/Sex on the front of the box, yet doesn't nearly live up to it. The most sexually explicit thing in the entire game [[NippleAndDimed is the above-mentioned woman's bare tits]]. He is completely baffled at how ''that'' warrants the maximum rating while [[YourHeadAsplode some guy's head messily exploding]] only got the game rated a 3/4 for Violence. |
| 971 | * "I kind of do like how Curtis just shifts around nervously while you wait. That's exactly how I like my player characters, I want them to wait on ''me''." |
| 972 | * Ross sounds utterly EUPHORIC when it turns out that the last part of the game takes place on an alien planet. As he remarks in the [=YouTube=] comments: |
| 973 | -->'''[[WordOfGod Ross]]:''' That one came from the heart. Too many games/movies tease Dimension X, this one actually delivers. |
| 974 | * Ross narrating [[{{Jerkass}} Bob's]] [[AssholeVictim messy murder]] as though it were punishment for his adolescent feud with Curtis: |
| 975 | -->'''Ross:''' "Damn it, Bob; that is ''it''! You delete Curtis's hard drive and that costs the company money! Do you understand that?! We're a small office in the '90s; we don't have backups for those files! You're not being a team player! Are you even listening to what I'm saying? I don't want to hear it! Shut the fuck up, Bob! BOOOOB! It's not funny anymore! It stopped being funny once you started affecting quarterly earnings! ''You are dead to this company!''" |
| 976 | * Ross is happy about getting more days off after the murders, calling Tom the real hero for [[BenevolentBoss sending the team off early]]. When Tom himself is murdered and Curtis gets another day off... |
| 977 | -->'''Ross:''' So Tom's death was not in vain! |
| 978 | * When Curtis goes to the S&M club to meet Therese, Ross makes fun of how lost he looks. |
| 979 | -->'''Ross as patrons:''' Ahh look at the new guy, not wearing black. |
| 980 | * "Nothing says love like a confirmation kill." |
| 981 | * "Real people are a little awkward. [[SelfDeprecation Why do you think I edit these videos?]]" |
| 982 | [[/folder]] |
| 983 | |
| 984 | [[folder:Harry Buster]] |
| 985 | * Ross (and the viewers) get caught by surprise by the game having a full-on introductory tune, sung by the titular buzzard himself. A ''stock market trader'' buzzard. |
| 986 | * Ross describing Harry as "[[Film/WallStreet Gordon Gekko]] with feathers." |
| 987 | * Ross is utterly baffled by the fact someone decided to make an all-ages game with an artstyle and presentation more pointed at kids, yet having stock trades as a major theme. Because that's sure to reel children in, right? |
| 988 | * Discovering most of the enemy buzzards have Buster as a last name, Ross immediately starts calling Harry out for having children and family members run so wild kidnapping stock traders they risk crashing the economy, and making no effort to stop them. |
| 989 | * His various [[TakeThat jabs]] at the real life stock trade. |
| 990 | -->'''Ross:''' "We only process ''clean'' money here!" Yeah, sure you do. |
| 991 | * On how NintendoHard the later levels get. |
| 992 | -->'''Ross:''' The vultures are showing me no quarter. It's a bloodbath now. I mean tomato bath. I feel as though I've trancended into a tomato tossing ninja, just doing everything I possibly can to bring these vultures down. I can feel myself getting [[ShellShockedVeteran battle fatigue]] but it's '''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis still. Not. Enough.]]''' |
| 993 | [[/folder]] |
| 994 | |
| 995 | [[folder:Messiah]] |
| 996 | * Ross tries to play some proper Christmas games, but they don't make him very jolly. |
| 997 | -->'''Ross:''' This game was designed to waste your life, and not in a good way. When you think about your own life and time squandered, I want you to think of Santa hopping on endless platforms collecting presents right here. You'd think this would fill the void, but it IS the void. |
| 998 | * "Well, I have VideoGame/{{Messiah}}. I barely know anything about it, but I do know you play a cherub sent down to Earth to perform God's will and save humanity from itself. And it's not exactly the same, but that's actually very similar to [[BaitAndSwitch the plot of]] Film/ItsAWonderfulLife. And what could be more Christmas than that? So breakout the eggnog, put on a Santa cap and I'll start it up and we'll see if we can spread some Christmas cheer." |
| 999 | -->cut to Messiah title screen and industrial music\ |
| 1000 | '''Ross:''' [[DeathGrowl MESSIAAAH!]] |
| 1001 | * "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: you possess people in this game. Yeah. People are gonna be having a merry Christmas whether they want to or not." |
| 1002 | * "Oh yeah, it's worth mentioning I'm playing this on Easy. And I take no shame in saying so. I'm not particularly good at stealth games and this game has stealth in it. [[NoodleImplements Now I'm decent at ACTUAL stealth]], but that's a completely different animal." |
| 1003 | * "Yeah, maiming cops isn't really in the Christmas spirit, but you saw the Christmas alternatives. We're sticking with VideoGame/{{Messiah}}." |
| 1004 | * "Oh, and nice gun ad with a nun. Yeah I can see why God thought maybe he needs to step in and get a little more proactive with humanity here." |
| 1005 | * "So I blow up everything across the street I guess, and that causes the forcefield to drop. Video games." |
| 1006 | * "The escape sequence is interesting. And I thought this was gonna end with a 90s-style double replay of our daring jump, but we have not one, not two, not three, [[OverlyLongGag not four]], but FIVE SHOTS of this same jump. Well, that's understandable. [[SpecialEffectFailure With effects like these,]] [[SarcasmMode you gotta show them off.]]" |
| 1007 | * "See, that's the problem with trying to make sense of the future with my 21st century perspective. [[ItMakesSenseInContext I can't tell who are the club girls and who are just outright prostitutes.]]" |
| 1008 | * "The media seems to have no trouble transitioning to hailing Satan as the new leader quite smoothly. [[TakeThat I guess they stick to what they know.]]" |
| 1009 | * "Well, we make it to the club and it's probably what you were expecting. But what you maybe didn't expect is we need to possess a dancer in order to make an entrance on the disco floor. Merry Christmas everyone." |
| 1010 | * "Dammit, how many games do we have in this show now where we defeat Satan, yet it still feels unsatisfying? Why does this keep happening?" |
| 1011 | * "I didn't know I was going to a cyberpunk world on top of doing God's will. My kind of Christmas." |
| 1012 | [[/folder]] |
| 1013 | |
| 1014 | [[folder:Black Future '88]] |
| 1015 | * Ross finding the in-game manual after the review is over, but it still doesn't explain half the things he needs to know. Spirit of the Commodore indeed. |
| 1016 | [[/folder]] |
| 1017 | |
| 1018 | %%[[folder:Follow-up Episode #3]] |
| 1019 | %%[[/folder]] |
| 1020 | %% |
| 1021 | [[folder:Sonic Heroes]] |
| 1022 | * Ross makes it clear in the very start of the episode that while he likes the ''Sonic'' games, he enjoys them on a more casual basis rather than being as die-hard as its fanbase, which he calls the "Cult of Sonic" throughout the episode (complete with a picture of a robed cult with Sonic-style eyes under their hoods). Youtube Comments from some fans of the series [[ActuallyPrettyFunny not only found the moniker funny]], but a few even roll with it. |
| 1023 | * ”Have you ever been in a bike or skateboard accident or fallen out of a tree and you’re not sure if you did a flip or not? Well that’s the feeling I get when I think about this game. So let’s try to recreate the accident and see what happened.” |
| 1024 | * “Sonic is an unstoppable speed ball and doesn’t even think about running backwards at 100 miles an hour, completely blind to any mesas he might slam the back of his head into, while he reads a letter at the same time. See, this is why Sonic is cool. He doesn’t even think about it.” |
| 1025 | * Knuckles kicking back on a low-flying plane makes Ross go on a tangent about planking and a video he saw about a guy planking on a moving ski lift. |
| 1026 | * “I’m imagining what they’re doing is [Knuckles] sent Tails on a beer run, but he had to come along because Tails is underage so he’s just letting him fly him.” |
| 1027 | * “And I get a grade. Lame. Sonic’s too cool for school! I don’t need a grade, I’m not part of your system.” |
| 1028 | ** These became a bit of a RunningGag. |
| 1029 | --->'''Knuckles''': Just enough to pass.\ |
| 1030 | '''Ross''': Bite me.\ |
| 1031 | '''Tails''': We can do better…\ |
| 1032 | '''Ross''': No, we can’t Tails. We really can’t. |
| 1033 | ** “Ok, I would get annoyed by a C, but I like how Sonic says that’s “too easy”. Have you ever said “Too easy” when a teacher gives you a C in class? I bet you’d surprised them.” |
| 1034 | * “The music rocks, the city vistas are great, but the majority of the level is still these crappy indoor areas. I apologize to anyone in the energy sector. This really makes me not want to work in the industry.” |
| 1035 | * Ross introduces the concept of “gamer dementia”. |
| 1036 | -->'''Ross''': You know when a game makes you think you’re crazy because from your perspective, you’re doing what you’ve always done, yet for whatever reason it doesn’t anymore and you die? So your natural instinct is to think you made a mistake and haven’t mastered the nuances of a game. When the reality is you’ll never know!” |
| 1037 | * Ross is confused about the side plot about Amy trying to force Sonic into marrying her. |
| 1038 | -->'''Ross''': [S]o they have to work their relationship problems out in public in a giant team brawl. Yeah! I take back what I said, this is fascinating writing. In fact, I wouldn’t mind seeing a real-life enactment of this. A 12-year old girl with a hammer, some toddlers and a Hulk beating up her beau and friends to marry him. |
| 1039 | ** “They actually start kicking my ass, [[ArtificialStupidity but they aren’t any better at this game than I am and fling themselves over the edge to fall to their imminent deaths]]. Sure, I’ll marry you Amy. ‘Til death do us part.” |
| 1040 | * “See, what I failed to comprehend was in the midst of being overwhelmed by all the Las Vegas glitz, these arrows weren’t just for show. They shoot you in the direction they go. -- But that’s on me, not the game. So all the pain I went through was for nothing and it’s my fault. But I guess that’s part of the casino experience.” |
| 1041 | * “Can’t stop me, I’m Sonic, I’m on permanent sugar high.” |
| 1042 | * After dying several times in Bullet Station, Ross eventually ends up stuck in fly mode, slowly sliding backwards on the rail with no way out. |
| 1043 | -->'''Ross:''' A picture says a thousand words. This is me being a hero in 'Sonic Heroes''. |
| 1044 | ** And he immediately realizes later, after reviewing the footage, that he could have made the game so much easier on himself if he hadn't been deliberately avoiding the checkpoints every time without even noticing; this leaves Ross wondering if he has brain damage. |
| 1045 | --->'''Ross:''' I feel like I'm watching footage of myself sleepwalking where I drove my car into a lake! |
| 1046 | * “Why did I die there? IT JUST WORKED EARLIER! It was a speed boost and I wasn’t fighting it! It just worked and now it doesn’t! Yeah, I probably sound like a tech support call now.” |
| 1047 | * Ross is unsure how Tails can fly. |
| 1048 | -->'''Ross''': Does he have a robot ass? I tried and couldn’t really conceptualize this one biologically. The tails would just twist and pop off. |
| 1049 | ** As a lot of comments point out, the fans don't know either. |
| 1050 | * “I mean, Knuckles has a following too. I guess he’s my favourite character out of the Sonic world, but I’m hardly the number one fan. That could be the creator of the mod Knuckles Mania with Knuckles, taking place in Knuck Hills.” [footage of the said mod] |
| 1051 | * Ross considers the theme that plays during Team Dark's fight[[labelnote:*]]This Machine by Julien-K, Team Dark's leitmotif in this game.[[/labelnote]]a personal apology for the previous level's discordant music, which he ''gladly'' accepts. |
| 1052 | * While he's fighting Team Dark, after they use their [[CombinationAttack Team Blast]], Ross succinctly lets the people in the audience know just how ridiculously excessive Shadow pulling out a [[AmplifierArtifact Chaos Emerald]] during what's essentially a ''grudge match'' is.[[labelnote:*]]In short, single Chaos Emeralds let the user use Chaos Control, which gives them limited control over space and time, letting them do things like stop time and teleport as long as their stamina/ring count holds out, with all seven letting them use a [[SuperMode Super form.]][[/labelnote]] |
| 1053 | -->'''Shadow''': [[TimeStandsStill CHAOS CONTROL!]]\ |
| 1054 | '''Ross''': What? Oh, they have a Chaos Emerald?! That's bringing a gun to a fist fight! |
| 1055 | ** Luckily for Ross, Team Sonic was mid jump, so the attack missed, and the AI [[ArtificialStupidity didn't knew what to do with the team stuck in mid-air.]] |
| 1056 | * When Team Sonic touches the orb that inverts the gravity, [[spoiler:[[WebVideo/WeirdVideoGames Tom White]] starts giving the commentary in place of Ross, switching back to Ross when gravity is put back to normal]]. |
| 1057 | * “Now I know you guys. Some of you are no different than Robotnik. If you had his money, you would make statues of your robots too.” |
| 1058 | * Ross gets very angry at repeatedly failing at a certain point in the final level and then [[spoiler: the video cuts into a dramatic reading of a very poorly written Sonic fanfic, complete with storybook-like illustration]]. |
| 1059 | * “Ultimately, I think this game is kind of amazing, but if you play it, it’s going to hurt you. Both purposefully and without meaning to. I don’t see any way around the pain. So if you like Sonic and abuse, then I’d have to call this a must-play.” |
| 1060 | [[/folder]] |
| 1061 | |
| 1062 | [[folder:Clans]] |
| 1063 | * "A-ha! An ax! Now we're cooking with... an ax." |
| 1064 | * "Oh... Now we're [[RunningGag cooking with...]] explosives." |
| 1065 | * [The blacksmith's] neighbor is nice though and gives me a health potion and raises my maximum health. The lady in the deep underground forgotten lava cave that cares." |
| 1066 | * "Yeah, this might be the first game I've played with a Swedish Orc Chef. Bork-a-bork." |
| 1067 | * 'Gamer dementia' appears again, only this time Ross caught definite evidence on video. He made a save before fighting a wizard character, ended up dying and the save he just made completely disappeared. |
| 1068 | -->'''Ross:''' Looks like we've got another game trying to make me think I'm cra-zy! But the video doesn't lie. Busted, you son of a bitch! Trick or treat on me this year! Trying to slip some razorblades into the apples, huh? |
| 1069 | * Witch: "I sense that you face disappointment at the end of your quest." Ross: "Oh wow, is that the game's way of telling me we're gonna have a crappy ending? Come on Clans, even if you have one, don't give that away." |
| 1070 | * "So this [save corruption] on top of everything else? Yeah, the game's haunted. Why not? This was a good pick for Halloween. I just wanted something like Diablo, I didn't realize I was summoning the real deal." |
| 1071 | * Ross accidentally skipping the ending cutscene by tapping the mouse button one time too many when killing the final boss. |
| 1072 | [[/folder]] |
| 1073 | |
| 1074 | [[folder:Hellgate: London]] |
| 1075 | * Ross is initially disappointed about the game not establishing much of a story in the beginning, until: |
| 1076 | -->'''Ross''': Oh, this was published by [[Creator/ElectronicArts EA]]. Okay. |
| 1077 | * Ross gets so annoyed at unskippable tutorial text that he starts the game again and unticks the tutorial option in the character creation menu. The tutorial appears still, and keeps going until over a loading screen and into the next map. |
| 1078 | -->'''Ross''': Okay, this is a competitive field, but this might be the worst tutorial I’ve ever seen. |
| 1079 | * “Hey, I’ve seen some Hells on Earth and I feel like this is doing it justice. Hell yeah.” |
| 1080 | * "'Math is hard. Let’s shop.' What?” |
| 1081 | * Narrator: “To uncover nonsense is frustrating.” Ross: “Yes, it is!” |
| 1082 | * “I forgot what I was supposed to do with the possessed pickle jar.” |
| 1083 | * The game actually starts feeling like hell to Ross. But not in a way he wanted. |
| 1084 | -->'''Ross''': “I’m in hell! This is hell!”\ |
| 1085 | '''Demonic voice''': “Oh, what’s the matter, Ross? You don’t like Hell? You said you wanted to see Hell, didn’t you? You see, it wasn’t enough to simply see Hell. No, you needed to experience it. You needed to go deeper. Then deeper still. Until you were finally here. Now you understand. You understand that these levels are just going to repeat forever. You understand that your minions are going to become infinitely weaker. You understand the false hope of better gear. You understand that your only companions to provide you comfort are these mannequin-looking [[PrecisionFStrike fuckers]] that say things like you would expect from an AI. Welcome to Hell.” |
| 1086 | ** Ross announces the next episode: |
| 1087 | --->'''Ross:''' It's the one about the Medieval detective who kills himself to solve crimes. You know the one I'm talking about.\ |
| 1088 | '''Demonic Voice:''' Oh, yeah! That one! |
| 1089 | * “Yeah, this episode took an unexpected turn for me since it turns out I may be trapped in Hell forever.” |
| 1090 | ** He admits it's not so bad in the [[TheStinger The Stinger]], since he [[spoiler:found the Source of All Evil... and it's just a button on the ground he clicks to turn off.]] |
| 1091 | [[/folder]] |
| 1092 | |
| 1093 | [[folder:Daemonica]] |
| 1094 | * "Well this monologue goes on a little bit. He's talking about how its cold and raining, but really he has no one to blame [[ExposedToTheElements but himself]]. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure they had ''sleeves'' in the Middle Ages". |
| 1095 | * (Ross pointing the obvious flaw in the mayor's fast-tracked conviction/execution judicial system) But hey, that accomplice is still missing, and if they were to turn up dead and can tie it back to the guy we already hung, that would be SUPER convenient. |
| 1096 | * Ross's fixation on collecting herbs. |
| 1097 | * Ross's explanation for why the herbalist claims the main character's fate is to bring about the end times. |
| 1098 | -->'''Ross:''' Okay, ''I'' know where this is coming from. It's because he has tattoos. Nicholas doesn't hide them, they're out in the open. I'd say it's less common ''now'', but it used to be a lot of small town people would talk like this. For example, I'm a guy, and I have long hair. I could expect a similar reaction from people in a town like this. Long hair, tattoos, envoy of darkness bringing about the apocalypse, it's all the same to people like this. Except Nicholas has it even worse, because at least people like her can tell me to cut my hair, so I have a ''chance'' for redemption, but he can't just take off his tattoos. So that's it. He's damned. He's in league with the Devil now. Nothing he can do. |
| 1099 | * "[[PoisonIsEvil Don't drink poison kids]]. When people talk about the Socratic method, that isn't what they mean." |
| 1100 | * Off to [[TheUnderworld The Land of the Dead]]. Or somewhere. Ehh, I'm a little disappointed. This is more like [[MundaneAfterlife The Foyer of the Dead]]. |
| 1101 | * "Who keeps dead bodies in their house and doesn't lock the door? Not me!" |
| 1102 | * "Because she doesn't care that you have a basement filled with bodies. So that means it's gonna be okay and you can be with her, right? Well, no, because you don't ''wanna'' be with a woman who ''doesn't care that [[NightmareFetishist you have a basement secretly filled with bodies]]''." |
| 1103 | * "He says the Pope is being controlled by the Queen of France, and now the Black Death is ramping. Coincidence? I think not! So naturally, we need to release an ancient, imprisoned demon! Does that really make me the bad guy? How can you not see it, you fool!? Ugh, this is ''exactly'' [[TakeThat how political discussions feel to me nowadays.]] I mean, this is 1300 politics, but this hits closer to home than I thought it would." |
| 1104 | * Awards! Yeah I've got one more: ''[[AcquiredPoisonImmunity Rasputin-Approved]]''. |
| 1105 | [[/folder]] |
| 1106 | |
| 1107 | [[folder:Aida's Strange Christmas]] |
| 1108 | * "Now lately, when I have a [[ChristmasSpecial Christmas episode]], it tends to involve a [[AnAssKickingChristmas very liberal interpretation of Christmas.]] Because AsYouKnow, playing Christmas games is reserved for the sixth level of Hell." |
| 1109 | * Him speculating that Aida is the descendent of Franchise/{{Popeye}} and Olive Oyl. |
| 1110 | * His disappointment that you don't get to start more fires in the theater. |
| 1111 | * "Yeah, Santa's not looking too good. [[InferredHolocaust The game doesn't talk about it,]] but I can't tell if he's actually starving or just living on bare sustenance rations. Uh, merry Christmas everyone!" |
| 1112 | * Ross pointing out that a toy gun [[MyLittlePanzer that actually kills people]] isn't really much of a ''toy'' anymore. |
| 1113 | -->'''Ross:''' You know, where I come from, we call a toy gun that kills people just "a gun" for short. |
| 1114 | ** His relief that [[SociopathicHero Aida's]] willingness to kill [[WhatMeasureIsANonHuman fantasy creatures]] with zero hesitation. |
| 1115 | * The warlock's [[YourHeadAsplode head exploding]] upon drinking the poison Aida slipped into his concoction. |
| 1116 | -->'''Ross:''' Well... he's dead. I'm not confused about that part. |
| 1117 | [[/folder]] |
| 1118 | |
| 1119 | [[folder:[=SiN=]]] |
| 1120 | * Ross saying "mind blown" [[VisualPun while shooting a thug in the head]], splattering his blood on the stairway behind. |
| 1121 | * "Now this is before ragdoll physics, but where you shoot somebody partially determines how they land. So since this game incentivizes head shots, you're going to see this this[[https://youtu.be/evvqlj2Kk6Q?t=368]] dignified pose a lot." |
| 1122 | * "Lose 60 pounds in a day. Ask me How. I feel like this could be the beginning of entire separate storyline right here. Probably a horror." |
| 1123 | * "Chips-A-Whore! I don't know, the packaging looks more like Whoreos to me." |
| 1124 | * "OK, normally I wouldn't bring this up, but I would feel remiss if I didn't. You can sometimes tell what a game prioritizes. In ''[=SiN=]'', everything's kinda blocky. Plus you may have noticed this weird optimization in ''Quake 2'' games, where you get this wobbly effect. It has something to do with how the engine rounds off where the vertices are supposed to be. I don't know, but the graphics budget is stretched thin." --[Ross giving some examples of the games graphical shortcomings] -- "So in the midst of these compromises we get VERY detailed bouncing boob physics. It's obvious this was top priority in development. Her boobs are more important than any words coming out of people's mouths. So that says to me this game is targeted to teenage boys." |
| 1125 | * Mutant Mancini crashing through the wall interrupting Ross talking about the subway level. |
| 1126 | * Ross going on a tangent about ''WesternAnimation/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles1987'' and the origin of the Turtle Van. |
| 1127 | * "Yeah, stealth section, that belongs here, right? This game is a good fit for stealth gameplay." Cut to Blade mowing down enemies with maching guns and gibbing a thug by running him over with a quadbike. |
| 1128 | * "This level actually isn't that hard for me this time around. Not because I remember what to do, I don't, but because when I first played this, I was trying to minimize civilian casualties. You know, like the game was training you to do in all the prevous levels? But now that I'm a more experienced gamer, [[MurderIsTheBestSolution I can see that my life is going to be a lot easier if I just murder everyone]] like I'm in a [[SlasherMovie Slasher Film]]. |
| 1129 | * "I'm loving this, but the level is not loving me. This is the first time in any game I've been killed by the parking lot." |
| 1130 | * "Now again, ''[=SiN=]'' came out before ''[[VideoGame/HalfLife1 Half-Life]]'', and was competing against it. They knew that too. All I can figure is somebody at Ritual said "We're not gonna let this [[Creator/ValveCorporation Valve]] company show us up! Not only will we be first to market, but we're gonna have more valves in our game than they have in theirs. We're going to outvalve ''Valve''!" Well, I guess they did." |
| 1131 | [[/folder]] |
| 1132 | |
| 1133 | [[folder:Echo]] |
| 1134 | * Ross's voice is echoing at the beginning of the episode. |
| 1135 | * The video [[ScrappyMechanic blacks out]]. [[RuleOfThree Three times.]] |
| 1136 | * Ross suffers a crash to desktop walking down a dark tunnel, and takes the moment to digress on the Unreal engine's design choices (being "full speed ahead" all the time rather than settling in to fix stability every now and then), redoing the segment before reaching the same tunnel and crossing it... |
| 1137 | -->'''Ross:''' Good, I made it. The secret was to do the ''exact same thing I already did'' with no changes at all, with [[BlackBox no understanding why it worked this time and not earlier]]. Computers! |
| 1138 | * Ross is at odds with [[VoiceWithAnInternetConnection London]] at all times. |
| 1139 | -->'''Ross:''' London is an AI! Jesus ''Christ''. Well he passes the TuringTest with ''me'', but was [[SecondLawMyAss such a raging prick]] I wanted nothing to do with him. Wow, and here I complain about Windows, I didn't know how good I had it. I'd be ''begging'' for Windows compared to London, I wouldn't be able to get anything done with him! I'd have better luck with Marvin from ''Franchise/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy''. |
| 1140 | -->'''[[Series/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy1981 Marvin]]:''' I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.\ |
| 1141 | '''Ross:''' [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Oh, God...]] |
| 1142 | [[/folder]] |
| 1143 | |
| 1144 | [[folder:The Journeyman Project]] |
| 1145 | * Early on, Ross gets a taste of the controls when he accidentally exits to desktop while trying to ''pick something up''. |
| 1146 | -->'''Ross:''' Oh! No, 'Esc' does not bring up the menu! 'Esc' was the wrong button! |
| 1147 | * Ross's comments on a room on Mars where a robot went crazy and murdered everyone. Meanwhile, one room over, two security guards are busy playing rock-paper-scissors. |
| 1148 | -->'''Ross''': Yeah, I think somebody's not gonna have a job soon. |
| 1149 | [[/folder]] |
| 1150 | |
| 1151 | [[folder:Terror TRAX: Track of the Vampire]] |
| 1152 | * During the hospital black out Ross is too slow to react so the operative act on her on and shoots a black doctor in the confusion. |
| 1153 | -->'''Ross:''' L.A's finest over there, huh? If we wanted that we could have just called the regular cops. |
| 1154 | * Ross reacts to the reveal that TRAX made a deal with a vampire and doublecross as just a classic mistake. |
| 1155 | [[/folder]] |
| 1156 | |
| 1157 | [[folder:Gothos]] |
| 1158 | "Well, I just started. It's a little early to be [[DisposableSexWorker killing hookers]]. [[ComedicSociopathy Maybe later]]." |
| 1159 | * Ross encounters a few women headed to the club he needs to access, and overhears one asking whether the others brought their club passes. Ross decides to find out if they did... by which he means [[MurderIsTheBestSolution killing one of them]] and looting her corpse. |
| 1160 | -->*The player character bites the woman, resulting in a drawn out, [[{{Narm}} terribly acted]] scene of her choaking to death.* \ |
| 1161 | '''Ross:''' [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight Ok, we got our goth bucks,]] let's head inside. |
| 1162 | ** "So far, this is reminding me a lot of wandering around New York. I've done that before. The main difference is that the architecture looks a little more European, [[BreadEggsMilkSquick and I didn't kill any women while I was there.]] |
| 1163 | * "Man, I love escalating things when I have no idea what's going on." |
| 1164 | * Ross pointing out that the homicide detective in the club [[FailedASpotCheck failed to notice a]] ''[[UnusuallyUninterestingSight dead body]]'' that a vampire left at his table. |
| 1165 | [[/folder]] |
| 1166 | |
| 1167 | [[folder:Martian Gothic: Unification]] |
| 1168 | * "I'm not going to [[SchmuckBait touch the floating corpse]]. I like to ''enjoy'' my calm before the storm." |
| 1169 | * (exploring the impressly-decorated Mars base camp) "I can't decide if this feels more like [[ZombieApocalypse a disaster]], or just a [[WildTeenParty party aftermath]]. There's a lot of drinking cups." |
| 1170 | * "Matlock brought lipstick. Who's she trying to impress [[{{UsefulNotes/Mars}} out here?]]" |
| 1171 | * "I'm just so used to thinking how it can cost thousands of dollars for every ounce you send up into space." |
| 1172 | -->'''Martin Karne:''' Wrapper from an old country cottage candy bar. Hmm, I could lick off what's left, but I'm not that kinda guy.\ |
| 1173 | '''Ross:''' (mockingly) Everyday I fight the temptation. I must remain vigilant. |
| 1174 | * "[[TankControls Oh my God. I have to turn around.]]" |
| 1175 | * "I'm opening up new areas, finding more items, investigating, and I can defend myself. This is finally feeling like it clicks!" |
| 1176 | -->'''Martin Karne:''' A dartboard. One of them [[UsefulNotes/UnitedKingdom Brit]] games. Never played it. Never will.\ |
| 1177 | '''Ross:''' Somebody had a bad time in the UK! |
| 1178 | * "There's a music box playing ''[[TakeThatAudience Three Blind Mice]]''. Yeah rub it in." |
| 1179 | * "I mean this game is clearly copying ''[[VideoGame/ResidentEvil1 Resident Evil]]''. I've heard people describe ''VideoGame/DeadSpace'' as [[RecycledInSpace Resident Evil in space]]. No! ''VideoGame/ResidentEvil4'' in space, maybe. THIS is Resident Evil [[ItWasHisSled in space]]. Or Mars I guess. I mean we've got the TankControls, dramatic [[FixedCamera camera angles]], limited saves. Christ! I'm glad that's [[ScrappyMechanic a trend]] that didn't catch on. Well one thing it DIDN'T copy is how the Save Room is a nice safe place to calm down, figure out what you're doing, listen to nice music. No! Screw that! This is ''Martian Gothic!'' - we don't have pansy Save Rooms here. [[UnsafeHaven We have zombies]] that [[FakeDifficulty glitch-attack you]]. ''GO TO HELL!''" |
| 1180 | * Matlock's SelectiveObliviousness to the sterilization chamber splattered with a corpse's remains, to being clueless as to why a bloodied decontamination door remains sealed as an unseen horrific creature roars and stomps behind it. |
| 1181 | * "HOLY SHIT HE KILLED ME! He bites a lot harder! That wouldn't have happened with the other zombies! '''Oh no'''. I was rationing my saves. Do you know how far that sent me back!? Well I guess I do, [[DontAnswerThat I've been recording]]. THIRTY FIVE MINUTES. That's thirty five minutes ''with hints'', not just blind wandering. I lost thirty five minutes from trying to save ''six bullets'' because I was scared I would need them later. " |
| 1182 | * "It gets worse! It gets worse! [[FromBadToWorse This is still the honeymoon]]." |
| 1183 | * "Oh ''wow''. Well I'll spare you the details. [[TheComputerIsACheatingBastard This game plays dirty]], so, ''so do I.''" |
| 1184 | * "See this is why I'm using hints. This is another one of those moments I don't wanna learn [[TrialAndErrorGameplay by trial and error]]. A walkthrough said the air is clogging up. So we need to fix this [[TimedMission in five minutes]] or everybody dies. So we have to shut down the fan via the computer, then scrub it, because ''of course we know to have brought the toilet scrubber with us''. Then turn it back on. [[GuideDangIt That's this whole game in a nutshell]]. Not impossible if you KNOW to do that, but JESUS figuring that out WITH all this pressure? '''Not fun'''. Ok we have a problem. I'm trying to use the computer but its giving me an audio log. Normally I can use the computer THEN listen to them. ''Why is the game making me wait to listen to this when it just told me everyone will die in five minutes unless I act quickly!?'' I don't have time for this! WHY can't I SKIP it and listen AFTERWARDS?" |
| 1185 | * "Great, [[NotUsingTheZWord sleepyhead's awake]], that helps. (the zombie walks up the FixedCamera, as if on purpose, and obstructs Ross's view) Oh beautiful! Great positioning! Gotta love static camera angles. I can't see what direction I'M FACING anymore." |
| 1186 | * "I think I'm just going to have to listen through the audio recording. Come on! ''Come on!'' '''COME ON!''' ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? THERE'S A SECOND REPORT!? You know I really can't focus on the story if it's actively blocking me from ''surviving'' the game! Jesus, finally!" |
| 1187 | * (the game crashes) "OH HO! A hard game lock! Wow, I'm surprised the recording software caught this... [[SarcasmMode What a great day]]. Looks like this was indeed a ''DAMN GOOD PLACE'' to save my game. And now there's ''no excuse'' not to have unlimited saves." |
| 1188 | * "A [[VideoGame/HalfLife headcrab stabs me]] on the way out for good luck. And decides [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Z-buffering Z-buffers]] are for losers." |
| 1189 | * "Now we need to head to the main computer but there's [[ContinuousDecompression a breach]]. We have a respirator to buy us some time, and we seal the breach with an [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_hopper inflatable pool toy.]] Yeah. [[CrazyEnoughToWork That oughta do it]]. Looks nice and stable. No chunks of jagged metal-" |
| 1190 | -->'''Kenzo Uji:''' Groovy.\ |
| 1191 | '''Ross:''' Huh. So who do you think says it better? Kenzo or [[Franchise/EvilDead Ash]]?" |
| 1192 | * Ross discovers one of the core gameplay mechanics results in a NonStandardGameOver if the tritagonists [[NeverTheSelvesShallMeet should ever meet up]]. Which not only confuses him as Matlock wasn't present in Karne's and Kenzo's rendezvous, but also makes him think of ''{{Series/Seinfeld}}'' where Kramer always busts into Jerry's apartment uninvited, except now it results in everyone morphing into monsters. |
| 1193 | * "At this point, I don't see how you play this game without a walkthrough AND maintain your sanity." |
| 1194 | * "Look at this crap! This guy takes SEVEN shots to kill now, and as soon as he goes down, he's back up again! You'd think he's doing push-ups! AND ANOTHER SEVEN to put him down for, I dunno, ''[[RevivingEnemy two minutes?]]'' It doesn't matter. He's going to get back up when I [[RespawningEnemies come back through here]]." |
| 1195 | * "As for the story? We learn the dead are color blind. ''[[WeirdAside ...Okay]]''". |
| 1196 | * (game hardlocks again) "OH! ANOTHER HARD FREEZE! [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Oh my God]]. Okay I looked it up. Apparently my three patches and sound fix weren't enough. There's a bug where you have to set the affinity of the process so its using the right CPU core. ''All right. Fine.'' Okay, since I did this most of the time it's okay, but I am seeing some slowdowns now. Shooting zombies especially. I think its the blood sprites that are doing it. ''Wow'' this takes me back. It's been a long time since I've seen my machine choke on transparent sprites. I guess my CPU [[note]]14 years newer than Martian Gothic[[/note]] isn't up to snuff for this POWERHOUSE OF A GAME." |
| 1197 | * "I mean if the game wants to kill me for laughs, that's fine, but the stakes shouldn't so high! There shouldn't be ''half-an-hour'' riding on what amounts to [[OneHitKill a sucker-punch death!]]" |
| 1198 | * "Oh my God! [[CaptainObvious Is the computer saying we've become infected with bacteria!?]] (zombie bites his neck) [[SarcasmMode In this base!? How did this happen?]]" (another zombie bites his neck again) |
| 1199 | * "Now he's [Dr John Farr] floating and a voice is saying the Akarak are everywhere and are [[AssimilationPlot inviting us to become one of the cells]] [[PiecesOfGod in a body of a god]]. Hmm. Yeah I dunno, that [[ApocalypseCult sounds like it's something better in your old age]]. There's still a lot to do when you're younger. I'm gonna pass." |
| 1200 | * "You can't do this to me! Saving me from one GameBreakingBug to hand me another!?" |
| 1201 | * ([[SoundOnlyDeath dies offscreen]]) "Oh wow. [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe Are you serious?]] '''Woooow!''' ''That's one of the cheapest deaths I've seen in a while''. That wasn't some glitch either. You saw it, totally reproducible. Yeah, watch out for the ledge [[FixedCamera you can't see]] that looks like every other path here." |
| 1202 | * "[[GameBreakingBug This game wants to take everything from me.]]" |
| 1203 | * "Oh, and the [[DeliberatelyMonochrome black and white room]] has a ''color-coded'' puzzle to be solved. Yeah, so [[ItMakesSenseInContext why did we build]] a Creator/DavidLynch room on the Mars base?" |
| 1204 | -->'''David Lynch:''' ''Stupid Martians!'' |
| 1205 | * "And I almost can't believe this. We get a speech from the computer ''[[TimedMission as the timer is ticking down]]'', and remember [[{{Cutscene}} that freezes us in place]]. All she says is, we're gonna blow the place up. (Insectoid-like monster appears) Then, I guess that's the Martian Queen, and she summons her dead to rise. OH NO! ''[[UndeadHorseTrope Not zombies getting back up from the dead!]]''" |
| 1206 | [[/folder]] |
| 1207 | |
| 1208 | [[folder:The Division]] |
| 1209 | * First thing Ross does in the game is pointing his gun at passerbys stating he has been activated. |
| 1210 | * Some very black humor in the form of Ross cheerfully declaring "I'm the hero!" while gunning down desperate looters with automatic weapons fire. |
| 1211 | [[/folder]] |
| 1212 | |
| 1213 | [[folder:Mage Knight: Apocalypse]] |
| 1214 | * "So, you ready for an apocalypse? Are you ready for a ''Mage Knight: Apocalypse''? ''[[[{{Beat}} long pause]]]'' [[ThisIsGonnaSuck I'm not]]." |
| 1215 | * Due to a bug resulting from running such an old game on modern Windows, the character portraits don't load, resulting in blank white circles where they would normally be. Ross assures the viewers that he'll "clean [it] up in editing", and does so: |
| 1216 | ** The dwarf is the [[Franchise/TheMuppets Swedish Chef]]. |
| 1217 | ** The vampire is Creator/ElviraMistressOfTheDark. |
| 1218 | ** The Lizardman is a Goomba from the ''Film/SuperMarioBros1993'' movie. |
| 1219 | ** The Amazon is [[Franchise/TheMuppets Sam the Eagle]]. |
| 1220 | ** The elf is, in the words of a commenter, "Creator/KirkDouglas with elf ears." |
| 1221 | * At one point, Ross calls out the game for having one of the merchants look like a stereotypical GreedyJew. |
| 1222 | -->'''Ross:''' You know, a game like this takes a ''team'' of people to create. So, the director said, "We need another merchant for the dwarven city," and the production team said, "Okay, here you go." Then the director saw this and said, "''Perfect''. Now, let's keep it up. [[CrossesTheLineTwice We still need to do the]] ''[[CrossesTheLineTwice Mein Kampf]]'' [[CrossesTheLineTwice speech for the centaurs in Chapter 5]]." |
| 1223 | ** Later, [[BrickJoke centaurs actually show up in Chapter 5]]. Ross insists that [[AccidentallyCorrectWriting he wasn't aware of that when he wrote the above joke]]. |
| 1224 | * Ross compares the grenade tree's slow progression to [[Recap/StarTrekS1E18Arena Kirk making a bazooka during his fight with the Gorn]], but Kirk has to do it five hundred more times. |
| 1225 | * When the game didn't cut to an ending cinematic when Ross defeats the final boss, he initially thought the cheat he used to progress through the game casued a GameBreakingBug. Then he figured that since the game was such an ObviousBeta, the developers figured that nobody would progress that far, and didn't even bother making an ending. Then he learns the truth, which turns out to arguably be even more disappointing than all of the above: He simply did the steps required to defeat the PuzzleBoss in the wrong order. |
| 1226 | -->'''Ross:''' The problem wasn't me using a trainer, it wasn't modern Windows, [[ItMakesSenseInContext it was me selecting the purple node before the green one]]. [[DeadpanSnarker When will I ever learn]]? |
| 1227 | [[/folder]] |
| 1228 | |
| 1229 | [[folder:Conquest Earth: First Encounter]] |
| 1230 | * "[[OlderThanTelevision Yeah its aliens again.]]" |
| 1231 | * "You know, aliens aren't actually my favorite thing in the world, I mean they're okay, but its more like [[WeirdnessMagnet I just keep running into them]]." |
| 1232 | * (the game is failing to run natively on a modern system, so the credits are flashing by too fast to humanely read) "Whhhoooaaaaa! Time for the credits already. Yep, warp speed. |
| 1233 | * (opening cinematic shows marine grunt shoving an alien off-screen) "Step aside alien. Earth for Earthlings." |
| 1234 | ** Later, when he picks the aliens, the opposite happens. His line for the alien is [[TheUnintelligible garbled gibberish]]. |
| 1235 | * "Well, I did some more intensive searching and I found one [manual] on an {{Abandonware}} site, but I'm not going to tell you which one. Not because I don't want to, but because I have to assume at least one of you [[TheStoolPigeon is a nark]]. Hey, you know how the ''Website/InternetArchive'' is having lawsuits against them? That's because [[NobodyLikesATattletale somebody snitched]]. Yeah I can talk about them, they've already been burned. Uh-oh! They're hosting an unlicensed copy of the Conquest Earth screensaver from 1997! [[AllCrimesAreEqual Somebody call the police]]. |
| 1236 | * "This is how you go blind - [[TheIllegible reading old game manuals]]." |
| 1237 | * "I don't think technology can save me this time. I'm just gonna have to overclock my brain. ''Oh God.''" |
| 1238 | * "Now the news ticker here does tell you when a project is completed, but that scrolls up so slowly it's useless. If you wait for that you'll blow right past it being helpful to you by the time the text actually reaches your eyes. (shows a clip of ''Film/TheTimeMachine1960'' as the months and years zoom by on the machine's display too fast to humanely read) |
| 1239 | * (Ross watches helplessly as all his troops are slain by one single alien conqueror) "Hello? Uh, guys? ''You just gonna stand there?'' Uh, mostly. Wow. [[ArtificialStupidity I am not sold on this AI]]". |
| 1240 | * "We're just one notch above ''VideoGame/{{Lemmings}}'' for our defensive instincts". |
| 1241 | * "I ''do'' like the animation of them [aliens] blowing up my base though. [[ItsAWonderfulFailure Too bad they blew up my base]]". |
| 1242 | * "Well it's a good thing this manual targeting works because the enemy is [[RespawningEnemies spitting out troops]] like there's no tomorrow. ''Look at how fast'' this respawning occurs. I'm firing non-stop and I can barely keep up. Jesus Christ! This is [[OminousFog NOT a good omen]] of things to come". |
| 1243 | * "Whoa whoa whoa! ''Where are you going soldier?'' Why are you heading [[ArtificialStupidity straight into]] the enemy base? ''Who gave you that order?"'' |
| 1244 | * "I thought I was the one giving the orders, but no, its this guy. [[MilesGloriosus And he's dead]]." |
| 1245 | * "Okay I feel like I got them all, but the mission's not over. Oh wow, that's a target!? Some [[HillbillyMoonshiner moonshine shack]] out in the middle of Iceland!? I'm glad I let the AI take over, I thought that was scenery." |
| 1246 | * "Also, is it just me, or does that soldier look kinda like Creator/PeterWeller? I think he does." |
| 1247 | * "Wait... what the hell? New York is ''still'' researching the power plant?" |
| 1248 | * "New York is STILL researching the power plant! '''What is going on in New York?''' They're taking over three times longer to do the same work everyone else did." (cut to a clip of Creator/JohnLeguizamo quoting the line 'Must've been a non-union job' from ''Film/SuperMarioBros1993'') |
| 1249 | * "This is a more accurate portrayal of New York construction than I was expecting." |
| 1250 | * "Against the odds I somehow brought down their base, but nooo! They brought down mine too. So it's a draw, [[WeWinBecauseYouDidnt which means I lose]]." |
| 1251 | * (Ross can't understand why the game keeps messing up his redeploying of resources, so breakdowns his progress via a chart) "On left is what I actually did. On the right is what the game gave me. I have no Earthly idea what happened." |
| 1252 | * Ross's various alien sounds, which are like a cross between [[WesternAnimation/LiloAndStitch Stitch]] and [[Characters/StarWarsGalacticRepublicSenate Jar Jar Binks]]. |
| 1253 | * (failing to win as the marines, Ross goes turncoat and plays as the aliens, thinking he's been backing the wrong horse this whole time) "Oh no. ''Not again''. The honeymoon's over. We're back to not being able to see anything and having to [[FogOfWar chip away slowly at the fog]]. Yeah because this is Oxygen and Nitrogen. You know, '''transparent gases'''." |
| 1254 | * "This is a lot less painful than the human campaign. You just allocate your Silicon and get the job done. ''We're finally free of New York!''" |
| 1255 | * "OUCH. LOOK AT THAT SLOW-DOWN. My [[UsefulNotes/{{Emulation}} fake 133MHz Pentium]] is failing us! This is the same CPU speed as earlier, with some things moving a little too fast, now it can't take the heat. Ugh, this is rough guys." |
| 1256 | * "I also learned that giant gun towers can't hit air targets. Why're they so tall then?" |
| 1257 | * "I have seen the future, and I cannot see much. Not without [[FogOfWar my air blaster guns]] anyway." |
| 1258 | * "Mission Completed! ''OH HO! Insert Disk 1!'' Oh we're getting a cutscene - here we go! (the ending fails to load, flashing by in the blink-of-an-eye) '''WHAT? WHAT IS THIS?''' It started to play, but oops! Time for Disk 2. I put that in, and back to menu. '''NOO! No they can't do this to me!'''" |
| 1259 | * (Ross tries using a different emulator, but due to a bug in the game he cannot go leftwards using the computer mouse) ''It's a stuttering mess''. Is this a Zoolander mouse? What's happening?" (clip from ''Film/{{Zoolander}}'' plays where Matilda tells Derek being unable to turn left is nothing to be ashamed of) "''No she's wrong!'' This is shameful! Look at this: ''I AM DRAGGING MY MOUSE ACROSS THE DESK RIGHT NOW.'' |
| 1260 | * "This game could cause [[UsefulNotes/ProfessionalGaming esports]] injuries. I guess the moral to this story is trapezoid boxes do not make the game." |
| 1261 | [[/folder]] |
| 1262 | |
| 1263 | [[folder:Killing Time]] |
| 1264 | * "Okay I guess this intro is just [[MotorMouth one long sentence]]. They really just [[{{Infodump}} thrust information]] at you and expect you to figure it out." |
| 1265 | * (Ross reads through the features of the fan-made patch) '''[[EtherealChoir Adds full mouselook]]''' |
| 1266 | * "It's still resolution locked, but we have mouse aiming. We are Kings among men." |
| 1267 | * "Oh a new gun! Hold on, this is a 90s game, so I'm required by law to play this." (insert clip from ''Film/TheMask'' where Creator/JimCarrey says "A Tommy Gun!") |
| 1268 | * (A zombie blindsides Ross) "That, ''almost'', got a [[JumpScare jump]] outta me." |
| 1269 | * "There's also some guys out in the woods stalking you with guns, so you know, like real life." |
| 1270 | * "[[{{Hellhound}} DOWN BOY!]] ''DOWN!''" |
| 1271 | * "I would like [[ExcusePlot more context]], but exploring other people's property and shooting everyone you see, is kind of its [[NoPlotNoProblem own reward]]." |
| 1272 | * "Also if I was loaded like Tess I can't say I wouldn't erect random statues around an island, so I can't judge here. I might [[{{Egopolis}} do something like this]] too." |
| 1273 | * "Why are there so many clowns? Is this what rich people did in the 30s? There's no TV, so just bring clowns to your estate by the boatload?" |
| 1274 | * "[[ArmsDealer Gun Runners]] get all the girls." |
| 1275 | * "And that switch leads to another switch. And [[BigCreepyCrawlies cockroaches]]. And that switch leads to another switch. And cockroaches. And that, okay I'll stop, but the game doesn't." |
| 1276 | * "Inside ''this'' blue door is a basement. A lot of fighting and a wine cellar with a bunch of old ladies throwing bottles at me, and everyone's alcoholic grandmother is down here. [[IllTellYouWhenIveHadEnough Everyone's]]." |
| 1277 | * "Yet another game with a quest [[AbsurdlySpaciousSewer for shit]]." |
| 1278 | * (Ross finds the game's infamous EasterEgg thinking it's a secret door) "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful? Okay, I'll use this. ([[BoobyTrap enemies spawn in from behind killing him]]) ''Son of a bitch.''" |
| 1279 | * "The music in this game seems to be having an [[SoundtrackDissonance identity crisis]]." |
| 1280 | * "Oh! [[{{VideoGame/Doom}} DOOM]] closets!" |
| 1281 | * Ross finds he hasn't been using any magic abilities yet, so chooses the [[VoicesAreMental Ears to hear one's foes power]]. Soon a MadnessMantra ensues where the enemies won't shut up looping over and over even including a clip of "[[{{VideoGame/Carmageddon}} I was in the war!]]". |
| 1282 | * The egomaniac Tess goes off on an ImmortalitySeeker rant verging on AGodAmI: |
| 1283 | -->'''Ross:''' "Yeah that's an attitude that'll get you far in life!" |
| 1284 | * "Inside [the cottage] the music is a little too nice to be shotgunning fat maids." |
| 1285 | * "Look at this stairway! This has to be the tightest one so far. ''Was the map designer from New York?''" |
| 1286 | * (Dixieland Jazz suddenly starts playing over a spooky ominous enemy-ridden trail) "I think the composer was just rebelling at this point." |
| 1287 | * Under Tess's DyingCurse, Set now possesses the body of the bootlegger who was involved with her romantically. He now serves as a boss screaming YourSoulIsMine: |
| 1288 | -->'''Ross:''' "Yeah, yeah. Do you know ''[[DeadHorseTrope how many times]]'' that's been said to me?" |
| 1289 | * Ross couldn't defeat the FinalBoss, so in some vain hope reloads an older save file, to scavenge round for more fuel for the flamethrower. To his amazement it was the solution to beating Tess: |
| 1290 | -->'''Ross:''' "I didn't even need the bullets! Yet another game where '[[KillItWithFire burn everything]]' was the secret! But ''burn harder''." |
| 1291 | * "Finally, the game had a surprise for me, because there's more than one definition of "killing time". There's the usual expression of killing time by finding sometime to do while you're waiting. But then there's '''Killing Time''', which I thought for sure was the definition being used by this game. But no, it was a ''third'' literal definition. ''Time itself'' was being killed. (imitates a SignatureLaugh clip of Statler and Waldorf from ''Series/TheMuppetShow''." |
| 1292 | * "That's the episode. Have a Happy Halloween and stay tuned for the next episode, which was supposed to be ''this one'', but I did that thing again where I'm in the [[SeriesContinuityError wrong sequence]]. Yeah, this game's not the only one that could have time distortion that doesn't make sense! Ah-ha!" |
| 1293 | [[/folder]] |
| 1294 | |
| 1295 | [[folder:Trickstyle]] |
| 1296 | * "Trickstyle! [[TotallyRadical Tr-tr-tr-trickstyle]]!" |
| 1297 | * Ross's descriptions of the roster |
| 1298 | ** (Ross selects 'King') "Now this guy's interesting. He's like a Cuban racer version of an ElvisImpersonator. What with the striped bell bottoms, and look at his face! That's a lot of wrinkles for 42. This guy has ''seen some sun'' that's for sure. |
| 1299 | ** (Ross selects and assesses 'Mia') "Okay... some sort of a sexy bondage French [[Film/TheLegendOfZorro Zorro look]]. Not bad." |
| 1300 | ** (Selects the rest of the roster) "[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyXI Final Fantasy 11]] fans, it looks like you can play as a Galka in this game. So there you go. Okay, a [[Series/MightyMorphinPowerRangers Power Ranger]], and [[VideoGame/StreetFighterII M.Bison]]." |
| 1301 | * (Ross enters the guide menu) "Yeah this is what your gym coach's hair is going to look like in the future." |
| 1302 | * "''Behold Future London!'' (...) Check it out! Big Ben has been cyber-ified! That's a good move building a race course around it." |
| 1303 | * "But seriously, there's no point to the, uh, points. They don't impact anything." |
| 1304 | * (After going full ''Series/MythBusters'' to test his times, Ross gripes that Trickstyle is being realistic in that ramps don't provide any speed-boost in a race, yet the course is absolutely littered with them anyway.) |
| 1305 | * You know this reminds me of when skateboarder Danny Way tried to jump the Great Wall of China several years back and guess what? He did it. Nice and clean, except the problem was that even though he pulled it off great I question the ramp design. See, he had built up so much momentum there was no good way for him to get rid of it. So when he hit that end ramp he just rocketed straight up, and then I think the lizard part of his brain took over, realizing he was gonna die if he didn't land this right. So you see him toss the skateboard and just kind of flail around in the air right there. But if Danny Way had been using a ''hoverboard'' instead of skateboard then maybe he could have stayed on it, and I think Trickstyle explores that possibility a little bit. |
| 1306 | * While running through a list of other hoverboard games, Ross comes across ''VideoGame/AgentHugoRoboRumble'': |
| 1307 | -->'''Ross:''' What's this? |
| 1308 | -->'''Hugo:''' Alright! |
| 1309 | -->'''Ross:''' [[NoJustNoReaction No!]] |
| 1310 | * On the subject of the actual branded Hoverboard, which is a self-balancing motorized scooter that doesn't even hover: |
| 1311 | -->'''Ross:''' This is how dreams die. Through cheap marketing. |
| 1312 | [[/folder]] |
| 1313 | |
| 1314 | [[folder:Fahrenheit]] |
| 1315 | * When Ross is complaining that a lot of "Choice-Based" story games tend to railroad players with fairly inorganic choices with minor changes to side content to provide the illusion of choice he creates a diagram to show what he thinks game Devs should strive for (at about 36:58). More than one commenter noticed that he seemed to, by ''complete coincidence'', draw up the level tracker from VideoGame/ShadowTheHedgehog and seemed to accidentally imply that ''Shadow'' has a story based on more impactful choices than the entire works of David Cage and ''Telltale Games''! |
| 1316 | * Ross once again demonstrates full knowledge of questionable and possibly illegal information, this time in the field of hiding a murder. However, when he learns that the game will not allow him to clean up certain pieces of evidence, he changes course from "hide all tracks perfectly" to "make it not look premeditated and maybe knock the charge down to involuntary manslaughter". |
| 1317 | * "Well, it's your brother, and you wanna talk to him about your murder. That's a bad idea, Lucas. Might I suggest ''no one''? Maybe talk about your murder with ''no one''? No? Okay, my vote's overruled. Let's go meet your brother. Yeah, let's ''talk'' about our murder. I've heard keeping things bottled up is bad for your health, but you know what's even worse for your health? Doing 25 to life in Sing Sing." |
| 1318 | * "So the whole game teased Dimension X and doesn't deliver. Booooooo!" |
| 1319 | * The second award Ross gives the game: [[ItMakesSenseInContext Put David Cage On A Leash]]. |
| 1320 | [[/folder]] |
| 1321 | |
| 1322 | [[folder:The Legend of Kyrandia 2]] |
| 1323 | * Ross likens Xanthia's [[DullSurprise reaction]] to someone robbing her home to a character learning what crime is on an after school special. |
| 1324 | * Ross's LamePunReaction to one of the ingredients for a potion being a toadstool. [[VisualPun As in, a tiny stool used by talking toads.]] It belonged to one of their friends, [[IncrediblyLamePun before he croaked.]] |
| 1325 | -->'''Ross:''' These are ''enforced puns''! You ''will'' get the joke, or you're not leaving here. |
| 1326 | * "We meet a friendly farmer who gives us some directions, so naturally, we need to return the favor [[CrueltyIsTheOnlyOption by creating as much chaos in his life as possible.]]" |
| 1327 | * Ross states that if he were a billionaire, he'd construct ominous structures in hard-to-reach places for fun. |
| 1328 | [[/folder]] |
| 1329 | |
| 1330 | [[folder:State of Mind]] |
| 1331 | * "You, too, can be a fish." |
| 1332 | * While complaining about the lack of Christmas and winter-themed video games, Ross leaves a mini-review of {{VideoGame/Steep}}, which immediately starts by giving it the "Online only" award. Because a single-player downhill snowboarding game clearly needs a constant internet connection. |
| 1333 | ** "I like the wanton [[ProductPlacement Red Bull advertising on multiple courses.]] And of course the Red Bull cinematics. ["Red Bull sure are firing on all cylinders right now!"] And the Red Bull sponsored events. And just drinking a Red Bull before a run after being flown up on the Red Bull helicopter. Red Bull." |
| 1334 | ** "As someone who grew up around mountains, I can guarantee they do not care if you ski on them or not. They probably don't care about anything. But if mountains ''did'' have something to tell us, it would be something like this: '''Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh-'''" |
| 1335 | * "So Christmas is done. Now we're in post-Christmas territory. The new policy is, I'll just have games for Christmas that don't go aggressively against the spirit of Christmas. Unless they actually ''are'' Christmas games, but again, that probably won't happen. So I won't be having games for the holidays where somebody's head explodes. Well... no, I can't promise that, but I'll be going in on good faith that nobody's head explodes in the episode. Then whatever happens, happens. So with that in mind: ''[[BaitAndSwitch Alien Rampage]].''" |
| 1336 | * Ross spends a good chunk of time throughout the video rating the plausibility of every single futuristic aspect of the game's world, from self-driving cars, Mars colonization, and food printers to [[spoiler:brain scanning]]. |
| 1337 | * "So, Berlin, 2048. Though spoiler, unlike that mountain, nobody in the game has a European accent." |
| 1338 | * "Well, this is a fancy apartment, though it looks like they don't believe in doors in the future. Not even on the bathroom. Not how I'd design an apartment for a family of three, but okay." |
| 1339 | * "And it looks like Richard has some AugmentedReality going on too. I like how it tells me my books are outdated. Yes, I'm sure many companies would do this if they could. Oh look, your kid's ''toys'' are outdated too. Of course they are." |
| 1340 | * "[Reading notes] 'This is bigger than Dronegate!' Dronegate." |
| 1341 | ** "Oh, Richard's a Pulitzer Prize winner! Dronegate, people!" |
| 1342 | * In a desperate effort to make it qualify as a Christmas game after all, Ross tries to read the story as a ''very'' loose version of ''[[YetAnotherChristmasCarol A Christmas Carol]]'' with Richard as a "half-Scrooge" in that he's about half as rich, half as grumpy, but just like Scrooge in that he isn't into the spirit of Christmas and most of his problems are self-inflicted. Later he tries to read Adam as Bob Cratchett, but quickly gives up and admits it doesn't work. |
| 1343 | * Ross's severe and ''completely'' understandable hatred of the demonic floating head toy that Adam's son has, which floats over the boy as he sleeps delivering surreal, cult-like messages. |
| 1344 | -->'''Toy''': ...in the brain of a little primeval tapeworm. Let's call him 'Bob'. Of course, Bob wasn't his real name. Tapeworms had long tapeworm names, just as long as their bellies, of which they were famously proud. But sadly, no one remembers those true tapeworm names. So the tapeworm did something very interesting. He took his head and he carefully turned it inward on himself to the ball of the sweet liquid that was his brain... |
| 1345 | -->'''Ross''': ''What the fuck is this toy?!'' This thing would be out in the dumpster if I were his dad! |
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