Line #162 Funny/CrashThompson


1	!!Works with their own folders:
2	[[folder: Bad Album Covers]]
3	* "Bad Album Covers Vol. 1": In a hilarious {{call back}} to his ''[[{{Music/Nickelback}} No Fixed Address]]'' review, his reaction to a ''porn album'' and the... ''umm... '''[[{{Squick}} various song titles]]''''' on it:
4	-->''(the album cover comes up to a {{record needle scratch}} sound)''\
5	'''Crash:''' ''(disgustedly)'' Uhhhhhhh...\
6	''(zooms in on the title song, "[[ParentalIncest My pussy belongs to Daddy]]")''\
7	'''Crash:''' ''(voiceover, '''very''' disgustedly) Guhhhhhhh...''\
8	''(zooms in on another song called "[[TooMuchInformation Tony's got hot nuts]]")''\
9	'''Crash:''' ''(even '''more''' disgustedly)'' '''''AUUGGHHHHHHHHH!!''''' ''[[NoJustNoReaction Nope!]]''\
10	''(he blows up the album cover)''\
11	'''Crash:''' ''(hurriedly)'' Moving on!
12	* In "Bad Album Covers Vol. 3", the first thing Crash does is drive [[Creator/CountJackula Satanic Jackula]] insane by drawing parallels between him and the sophomore album cover of comedic NDH band {{Music/Knorkator}}.
13	** This line: "Why do people watch you, anyway!?" "DANK MEMES, BITCH!"
14	** Just everything Crash does to mess with Satanic Jackula repeatedly until Count Jackula himself finally steps in to own Crash by using dark magic.
15	*** This is made ten times funnier when Crash goes Saiyan over Jack's attacks... only to ''be owned '''mid sentence''' by more anvils'', all while Jack having a "not-giving-a-shit" expression while doing the devil horns gesture.
16	* In "BAD ALBUM COVERS, VOL. 5," Crash is disgusted by the album cover of ''My Turn to Eat'' by Big Kuntry King, which depicts Big Kuntry King about to take a bite out of a sandwich filled with a stack of paper money. Crash explains to the audience that his disgust comes from a few facts he lists out: it's estimated that 94% of paper money contains fecal matter in it, a majority of it contains traces of cocaine from drug trafficking, and in most countries, paper money can carry live viruses that usually die in 18-24 hours on other surfaces for '''up to three weeks''' (which Crash then states that in the age of the COVID-19 pandemic, trying to consume paper money is practically a suicide attempt). While explaining this, Crash brings back the [[CallBack pimp cup]] yet again:
17	---> [[FanNickname Cash Thompson]]: '''''MONEY IS COVERED IN COCAINE AND SHIT AND THAT'S WHY I WORSHIP IT!!!''''' ''(hyperactive motorboat noises while the word "CAPITALISM" appears in giant letters above him)''
18	* In the "BAD ALBUM COVERS, VOL. 6", the entirety of the video is in a weird resolution where there are noticeable [[{{Letterbox}} letterboxes]] on the top and bottom. Throughout the video, it may seem like this is just an editing error that Crash made...[[spoiler: until the final album cover discussed in the video is revealed to be Creator/CoreyFeldman's ''Music/AngelicToTheCore'', to which Crash points out the distracting letterboxes in the artwork and how uncomfortable it makes him (even for the low standards of the artwork to begin with). Cue the video stretching out to a proper 1920x1080 resolution.]]
19	[[/folder]]
20	----
21	!!Other Works:
22	* In Part 1 of the ''Music/StAnger'' episode, "[[Music/LoadAndReLoad Fuel]]" as a UsefulNotes/McDonalds commercial jingle.
23	--> "GIMME FOOD, GIMME FRIES, GIMME DOUBLE APPLE PIES!!!"
24	** "[=McDonald's=]: Eat it, you fuck."
25	* During the ''Music/{{Raditude}}'' segment of ''The Rise and Fall of Music/{{Weezer}}", he is relieved to have gotten a good track out of the album in the form of "Love Is The Answer", and is intrigued to hear what comes next. Cue the title reveal that the next track is the second to be produced by [[JumpingTheShark Jermaine Dupri]], followed by a close-up of Crash screaming and [[DrivenToSuicide putting a gun to his head.]] Followed by another gun. [[SerialEscalation Then a third hand holding another gun.]]
26	** Also the entire section on "Can't Stop Partying" (which Crash considers to be the worst Weezer song of all time), especially the "pimp cup" chant.
27	** After hearing that there's an acoustic version of "Can't Stop Partying", he hammily proclaims that there will be a revolution after hearing it... [[BaitAndSwitch and after hearing the song, he despondently and genuinely calls it the superior version]]. A long beat follows, [[MoodSwinger and then Crash suddenly flips the switch]].
28	--> '''''[[RageBreakingPoint SO WHY ISN'T THIS VERSION ON THE ALBUM?!?!?!?! RRRRRAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!!]]''''' ''(stands up and violently overturns futon)'' This album is a five-course meal of '''DICK!!!'''
29	* From the ''Music/{{Hurley}}'' segment, Crash's WTF reaction to the lyrics of "Where's my Sex"?
30	* His review of ''[[{{Music/Nickelback}} No Fixed Address]].'' [[https://youtu.be/xRfrjEei4uU?t=10m8s All of it.]]
31	-->'''Crash''': ....[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere nope!]] ''(blows up album cover)'' 1/5, because ''FUCK'' Nickelback!
32	* Both the accidental and eventually intentional references to [[{{WebVideo/ProJared}} d'yucks]] in the review of Music/{{Radiohead}}'s ''Music/AMoonShapedPool''.
33	* Crash's 2016 album of the year [[spoiler:is briefly replaced by Lil' D.Va with a fictional album called ''Booty'', and Crash rambles on about butts before suddenly realizing the switch.]]
34	* His "I Hate This Song" review of "Hero" has a few choice moments of funny:
35	** Crash points out the ''Film/SpiderMan1'' soundtrack (which "Hero" was a part of) marked the debut of Music/StoneSour, and of all songs to choose from, they picked "Bother", a LonelyPianoPiece about suicidal thoughts.
36	--->'''Crash''': "Does whatever a spider can, spins a web..." ''[blood starts pouring out of his hand]'' ''OH MY GOD!''
37	** Crash's SkywardScream of the two men responsible for this song: {{Music/Nickelback}} frontman Chad Kroeger and former Saliva frontman Josey Scott, the last of which he gives a supersonic scream.
38	--->'''Crash''': Oh, my God! Oh, my FUCKING GOD, how did this happen?! How in the name of God, the devil, and Creator/GeorgeCarlin's ghost did we let something this unholy occur?!?!
39	* In his ''[[Music/BadReligion Into The Unknown]]'' review, he comments on how, dated as they may be, the synths haven't been too intrusive. And then, the next track, "Losing Generation," starts with a synth line that sounds almost exactly like the theme to Series/PressYourLuck. Crash immediately falls over laughing and, while talking about the song, plays a Jazzercise video over it to accentuate its datedness.
40	* In the first episode of the Music/GreenDay Retrospective, Crash admits that the reason he didn't bother with Green Day ''until Music/{{Nimrod}}'' was because [[spoiler: [[Music/{{Weezer}} Rivers Cuomo]] mocked them in [[Music/{{Pinkerton}} "El Scorcho"]]]]. Cue [[spoiler: Rivers's head]] showing up and:
41	--> '''Crash''':...You ruin everything, you know that?
42	--> '''[[spoiler: Rivers's head]]''': Oh nooooo~
43	--> ''[cue a laugh track and an end image of Crash about to shoot and stab [[spoiler: River's head]]]''
44	** It makes a call back again in the review when Crash admits he started listening to ''Nimrod'' was when he told [[spoiler: Rivers]] to fuck off. Cue the [[spoiler: Rivers head showing up and saying "Oh Nooo~"]] and ''then getting shot by Crash''. And he '''continues to shoot''' until he quietly says "Never again". And then realizes [[OhCrap what he did]].
45	* During the review of ''Everything Will Be Alright in the End'' in the final part of ''The Rise and Fall of Weezer'', Crash describes the shortened name for the album. How? A skit where he enters his bedroom and shouts "EWBAITE!" at '''''Rivers Cuomo masturbating''''' and then going "[[WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes Ain't I a stinker?]]". Crash was not amused.
46	--> '''Crash''': '''GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BEDROOM!'''
47	* Crash's review of ''[[Music/LinkinPark One More Light]]''. When a review starts with him shouting "Jesus Fucking Christ!" you know it's gonna be good (though this example may be difficult for viewers to watch following Chester Bennington's suicide).
48	--> '''Crash''': When you fail at trying to knock-off ''[[Music/TheChainsmokers The mother-humping Chainsmokers]]'', '''YOU OFFICIALLY FUCKING SUCK!'''
49	* Crash reviewing Girl Band's EP and being horrified at how awful it is, even though he has admitted a few times that noise rock is a genre he probably shouldn't touch.
50	--> '''Crash''': '''FUCKING BURN EVERYTHING AAAAAAAHHHHH!!'''
51	* His quickie on ''Two Parts Viper'' by '68 contains a bit where he talks about Josh Scogin's vocals:
52	-->'''Crash''': He sounds like [[Music/TheStrokes Julian Casablancas]] after three scotches and two oxys[[note]]BREAKFAST[[/note]] doing a really shitty, condescending [[Music/{{Nirvana}} Kurt Cobain]] impression while in the midst of [[ToiletHumour a painful herniated shit in an echoey Taco Bell bathroom]]!
53	* Crash going off on [[Music/ImagineDragons Dan Reynolds]] in his Worst of 2017 video.
54	-->'''Crash''': ''[[{{ClusterFBomb}} THIS MOTHERFUCKER CAN'T SING! THIS MOTHERFUCKER CAN'T SING! THIS MOTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKER OF A MOTHERFUCK]] '''[[{{ClusterFBomb}} CAN'T MOTHERFUCKING SING!!!!!!!]]'''''\
55	''(cut to a picture of [[SanitySlippage Crash's logo in a straitjacket]])''\
56	'''Crash''': I'll be okaaaay...
57	* Pretty much the entirety of his review of ''Mania'' by Music/FallOutBoy.
58	** By the end of the review, he's pleading with Fall Out Boy to break up, mentioning how all the members can go do something different and better. Except...
59	--->'''Crash''': Pete Wentz...um...um, um, uh...\
60	''beat''\
61	'''Crash''': Please break up
62	* Crash reviewing ''America'' by Music/ThirtySecondsToMars by completely phoning it in. As in, "waking up from a nap on his couch to do the review, no theme music, no visual gags or dick jokes, and a trio of pointless cameos" phoning it in. And once the review is finished, he goes back to sleep.
63	-->'''Crash''': If Jared Leto didn't care, why should I?
64	* The Worst of 2018 video has a few moments:
65	** Crash referring to the year of 2018 as "I Lived, Bitch" throughout the video.
66	** Lil' D.Va's rendition of "[[Music/ImagineDragons Believer]]".
67	** When the video gets to the #1 slot, Crash brings up the fact that both ''America'' and ''Mania'' have yet to be mentioned, and explains why ultimately [[spoiler:he had the two albums tied for the #1 worst slot.]]
68	--->'''Crash''': So what happened? Sudden change of heart? Did some eleventh hour [[WesternAnimation/HowTheGrinchStoleChristmas Grinch Who Stole Christmas]] about face cause my heart to grow three sizes that day? [[spoiler:Pfft... In this year? THIS year?! This year of our Lord; [[RunningGag I Lived, Bitch]]?! HELL NO! FUCK ''BOTH'' OF YOU! '''''SHARE IT!''''' ''(exploding fart noises)'']]
69	* The first FIMI! video has several:
70	** The Breaking Benjamin part consists of Crash speaking entirely in nonsense, before giving the album a similarly incomprehensible rating. (He later explained that his point was that the lead singer is difficult to understand and the album sounded like every other album they've done.)
71	** The Deafheaven part has Crash saying 'I fell in love and it was brutal, and then I killed a doggie somehow because I am the edgiest of edgelords-' in a metal voice, before coughing, choking, and then MoodWhiplash-ing 'Yeah, Album of the Year candidate'.
72	** His entire comment on High On Fire's ''Electric Messiah'' is "Yeah, [[Music/{{Motorhead}} Lemmy]] would've been proud."
73	** Similarly, the part on Kero Kero Bonito's ''Time 'n' Place'' has him looking around to make sure nobody's watching, then grinning like a kid and saying 'This album... this album is kawaii.'
74	** There's also the fact that 'FIMI' stands for 'Fuck, I Missed It'.
75	* The "Top 10 Worst Pitchfork Reviews" video:
76	** The various voices Crash makes when reading the more ridiculous reviews, including a [[WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButthead Butt-Head]] impression for the ''[[{{Music/Tool}} Lateralus]]'' review.
77	** Crash demonstrates his love for Music/TeganAndSara by raising his bat in honor of them in front of a rainbow flag with the caption "BATS UP FOR LESBIANS!".
78	*** He does a similar thing when discussing the site's negative review of Damien Rice's ''9'' (written by the same critic behind the Tegan & Sara review above, no less) by flipping a double bird directed at Pitchfork in front of an Irish flag with the ClusterFBomb chorus from "Rootless Tree" playing in the background.
79	--->'''Crash''': It's like this dude is coming after my senpais directly! Why you gotta come after my senpais, dawg? What the motherfuck did sweetie lesbians and sad Irish boys ever do to you?!
80	** Pitchfork's infamous review of ''Shine On'' by Jet, which consists only of an embedded [=YouTube=] video of a monkey [[NauseaFuel urinating in its own mouth]], ''only'' gets a dishonorable mention. Why? Because "[[JerkassHasAPoint they're not... wrong.]]"
81	** Brent [=DiCrescenzo's=] review of ''Music/KidA'', which started out bizarre and has long since degenerated into a WordSaladPhilosophy, somehow nets us this quote for the ages:
82	---> '''Crash''': "This Music/{{Radiohead}} album is as good as a dead baby!"... certainly is a TAKE.
83	** Crash's rendition of [[{{Music/ChildishGambino}} "Bonfire"]]. And Mark's reaction to it.
84	---> '''Mark''': Ohhh... you did not have to do that.\
85	'''Crash''': Fuck you, I'm having fun!
86	** Mark from WebVideo/SpectrumPulse's cameo ends with his jpeg floating up out of the screen followed by the caption [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS8E14TheItchyAndScratchyAndPoochieShow "Note: Spectrum Pulse died on the way to his home planet"]].
87	** Crash decides to get a rise out of Luke from WebVideo/{{Rocked}} by sending him the link to Pitchfork's review of Music/TheMarsVolta's ''Frances the Mute''. Cue fanboy rage.
88	--->'''Luke''': Oh my GOSH! '''WHO WROTE THIS'''?!
89	*** In fact, a lot of Luke's angry ranting ends up being very funny.
90	--->'''Luke''': This guy is officially doing more drugs than Music/GunsNRoses and The Mars Volta ''combined'', which is ''saying'' something considering that both bands [[TheStoner really love their plants]]!
91	** How does Crash get to number two with Pitchfork's equally loathed review of ''[[Music/NineInchNails The]] [[Music/TheFragile1999 Fragile]]''? viralrak proceeds to beat the shit out of Crash and launch into his ''own'' tirade about the review and how Brent [=DiCrescenzo=] (the same reviewer who slammed the below mentioned ''Lateralus'') spends most of the review [[{{Padding}} being pretentious]] and then complaining about '''''[[SeriousBusiness the way the damn album's packaging is designed]]'''''. [[SincerityMode No really]]. And then Viralrak gets annihilated by Crash with his Saiyan powers.
92	** Crash's summary of the infamous ''Lateralus'' review:
93	--->'''Crash''': Waah! I'm a thicky dumb-dumb! Waaaaah!!! Write "Hooker with a Penis" again!
94	** Crash also emphasizes how comically-lengthy the ''Lateralus'' review in question is by scrolling past it really fast while [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_c6uQHlhZ0 a black midi rendition of "In The Hall of the Mountain King"]] blares in the background.
95	* In ''How To Get Into Music/{{Tool}}'', Crash says that ''Salival'' contains one of the most important tracks in the history of the genre - a sequel to "A Message to Harry Manback". It's pretty much the same idea as the original song (beautiful music overlaid with an angry answering machine message), but [[spoiler:it's [[CallBack Gordon Rhode]] on Crash's own answering machine.]]
96	** Crash initially putting ALL of Tool's albums in the "Must Hears" category.
97	** Crash confesses that the timing of this video (released three weeks before Fear Inoculum's street date) is rather suspect...
98	--->'''Crash''': Maybe I'm trying to make that money! Judge me; I don't care!
99	*** Then the video cuts to him laughing maniacally in a suit and sunglasses, with a cigar in one hand and a pimp cup in the other while money rains down from overhead and "Hooker with a Penis" blares in the background.
100	--->'''[[FanNickname Cash Thompson]]''': I'M GONNA BURN DOWN AN ORPHANAGE WITH MY ''DICK!''
101	* In his list of the Top 10 Worst Rock Hits of 1990, Crash does his damnedest to dance around the UnfortunateImplications of the song "Cherry Pie" by Music/{{Warrant}}, namely the fact that it compares a vagina to the titular dessert. That is also "red, goopy and messy." [[HurricaneOfEuphemisms And then...]]
102	--->'''Crash''': [[SuddenlyShouting MENSTRUATION! MENSTRUATION!]] '''''MENSTRUATION!''''' MENSIES! YOUR PERIOD! AUNT FLO! CRIMSON TIDE! [[Series/GameOfThrones THE RED WEDDING!]] SHARK WEEK! ''CHUNKY BLOOD WHAT FLOWS OUT THE PUSSY HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--''\
103	'''Cameron Esposito''': Chunks of my body are being SMASHED out of my body '''''BY MY BODY!'''''
104	** Later, the video cuts to Crash with [[RefugeInAudacity red cherry sauce smeared over his mouth while holding a box of tampons]] with the song's chorus in the background.
105	* Crash imitatating Sully Erna's vocals in his ''I Hate This Song'' review of {{Music/Godsmack}}'s "Bad Religion".
106	--> '''Crash''': He sounds like {{ComicStrip/Popeye}} with really bad constipation to me.
107	* During ''How To Get Into VideoGame/DarkSouls'', Crash sums up the Lumenwood in ''VideoGame/{{Bloodborne}}'' as, "Why am I broccoli?"
108	** Crash's first tip for the original Dark Souls: "You see an [[Characters/DarkSoulsNeutralNPCsAndLore onion]], you help that onion."
109	** On the Whirligig Saw:
110	---> '''Crash:''' Yeah, we could give you a sword... or we could give you a PIZZA CUTTER FROM HELL! Take THAT, [[Creator/HPLovecraft H.P. Lovecraft!]]
111	** Crash backtracking in Dark Souls III because:
112	---> '''Crash:''' Ahhh shit, I forgot to let the pyromancer out of his cage, shiiit! (resigned sigh) You wanna go for walkies?
113	** Crash praises the Majula hub area of Dark Souls II as being "Like Wal-Mart, only [[TakeThat slightly less depressing.]]"
114	** On ''[[VideoGame/SekiroShadowsDieTwice Sekiro]]'': "In this game, you have a choice between using a [[KatanasAreJustBetter katana]] and... [[AmusinglyShortList fuck you,]] [[ButThouMust here's your katana.]]
115	* Crash spends the whole of his video on [[{{Music/TheBloodhoundGang}} "The Bad Touch"]] in a monkey suit.
116	-->'''Crash:''' No, I'm not taking the suit off for this video, get used to it.
117	** Crossing over as an Awesome moment, Crash has a moment of FridgeBrilliance when talking about "The Ballad of Chasey Lain":
118	-->'''Crash:''' It's structured like a fan writing letters to his favourite pornstar, but then...you know...when she doesn't respond, his letters get angrier and angrier and more indignant (I'll remind you, Chasey Lain is a real person, and they did not ask for her consent to write this track, just...layin' that little tidbit out for ya). The dude just keeps getting angrier and more resentful with each passing rejection. He gets more insane and...he just goes crazier and crazier- '''''[[SuddenlyShouting OH MY GOD, IT'S]] [[{{Music/Eminem}} "STAN"!]]''''' I'm not kidding! This is "Stan"! This is exactly "Stan"! It's the same premise, the same build-up, almost the same payoff - this is "Stan"! This is just straight-up "Stan"! ''(beat)'' And this came out a year before ''Music/TheMarshallMathersLP''! And we know for a fact that Eminem ''was'' listening to the Bloodhound Gang when he was recording that record!
119	--> '''Eminem:''' We ain't nothing but mammals.
120	--> '''Crash:''' (stunned pause) '''''Did the Bloodhound Gang inspire Eminem to write "Stan"?!''''' ''[[YourHeadASplode (head explodes)]]''
121	* On his 2020 Quarter 3 FIMI, his reaction to Will Woods' ''The Normal Album'' is a bewildered look and a very confused "Huh?", [[BrokeTheRatingScale which is also its rating out of five.]] The segment only lasts around 11 seconds, but it's priceless.
122	** In the same FIMI episode, Crash talks about his disappointment in Music/TheStrokes' ''The New Abnormal'' and the main thing he hated most about it was Julian Casablancas' falsetto, describing it as sounding like "Doug Walker doing an Alvin and the Chipmunks impression while his nuts are being stepped on."
123	* How to Get Into Music/VanHalen:
124	** On "Beautiful Girls" and its use in the "Schmitts Gay" [[Series/SaturdayNightLive SNL]] skit:
125	---> '''Crash:''' (holding up a pride flag and wrapping himself in it) Mmm, this song BELONGS to the gays, it's ours now, thank you very much Saturday Night Live... it's ours, we own this track... we'll let you borrow it if you're NICE.
126	** Crash get so worked up talking about "Unchained" that it prompts [[WebVideo/{{Rocked}} Luke]] to pop in and try to talk him down. This ends poorly for Luke:
127	--->'''Luke:''' Come on, Crash, gimme a break.\
128	'''Crash:''' He-he-hey! (preparing to smash Luke with a guitar) [[WaxingLyrical One break, coooming uuuuup!]]\
129	'''Luke:''' [[RapidFireNo No... no no no NO NO-]]\
130	(SMASH! Crash is now standing in place with empty hands, Luke is bandaged and holding an ice pack to his forehead.)\
131	'''Crash:''' (apologetic) I'm sorry, I got lost in the moment."\
132	'''Luke:''' (mocking) Oh, I'm sorry! (gibberish)
133	** Crash describing why ''Diver Down'' sounds so cobbled together; Van Halen recorded "Oh, Pretty Woman" as a quick single to keep them in the public eye, but the label demanded a full album afterward despite the band desperately wanting to take a break from recording and touring.
134	--->"[[CreatorsApathy Whatever, I sacrificed my vacation for this record]]. Fuck you. Pretty Woman."
135	* In his "I LOVE THIS SONG" episode on "WAP" by Music/{{Cardi B}} & Music/{{Megan Thee Stallion}}, when Crash talks about the criticism of the repeated sample of "There's some whores in this house!" on the beat that it sounds like a pastor scolding Cardi and Megan for their supposed sinning, he argues that it sounds more like "a celebration of [[RunningGag wet-ass pussy]]."
136	---> '''Crash:''' (as a pastor) God said to make them ''scream''! Can you ''scream'' for the Lord? (churchgoers scream) And then God said to ''cream!'' Can I get some cream from the God's children? (churchgoers scream) Do God's children have cream in them?! Do we make it drop for our wet-ass pussy? Does it come from the ''top'', this wet-ass pussy? (churchgoers scream louder) Can I get a "WAP WAP?"
137	** Crash's utter bafflement in response to Pitchfork naming "WAP" as its song of the year for 2020. To the point where he tells the site to [[Memes/OtherInternet go to Horny Jail.]]
138	* In the "BEST ALBUMS OF 2020" video, before revealing his #1 pick, Crash pulls a BaitAndSwitch by initially making it "WAP" by Music/{{Cardi B}} & Music/{{Megan Thee Stallion}} to upset internet trolls, then brings back Pastor Crash from the "I LOVE THIS SONG" video and giving on another innuendo-filled sermon before revealing the actual #1 spot to be [[spoiler: ''Brave Faces Everyone'' by Spanish Love Songs]] (which was the unanimous #1 pick for the entire Rock Coliseum).
139	---> '''Crash:''' It's not WAP, I promise, I'm kidding! This is a joke, I'm just playing with you, people! Look, I'll be real here with you, I just wanted to throw this up here just so I can watch the fuckboys cry. We're doing a live premiere and I just wanted to see the comments. I just wanted to see, like, ''(points to chat replay)'' oh my god, like ''this'' guy, oh, oh, look at ''this'' little piss baby, oh, come on, man, and ''this'' dude, ah, come on, look, with your 'WAAA CAN'T BELIEVE CRASH WOULD--' yes, I would! Oh, look at ''this'' guy! Oh my god, oh, you need Jesus! You need Jesus with that dumb fuckboy shit, you need the gospel! You need the gospel, you need a bit of the...
140	---> '''[[CallBack Pastor Crash:]]''' From that sweet, glorious, musty, great, good gospel of that wet-ass pussy! ''(churchgoers cheer)'' Do God's children have a wet-ass pussy this evening? Can I get a 'WAP WAP'? Can I get a 'WAP WAP' from God's WAP-y children? You wretched fuckboy sinners need to take a page out of the good book! From Meatflaps 3:16, the good Lord did say unto God's people, "''(motorboating noises)'' spell the alphabet!" Can I get a 'WAP WAP'? (applause) ''Can I get a 'WAP WAP'? Can I get one more 'WAP WAP' to close out 2020, good people?'' A-fucking-men and a WAP fucking WAP!
141	---> '''Crash:''' Yeah, number one is [[spoiler: Spanish Love Songs]].
142	* In his "I Love This Song" video on "Poker Face" by Music/LadyGaga, he explains that the song is dumb but in the best possible way, in that club songs are supposed to be dumb because it just gets you excited:
143	---> '''Crash:''' I know how that sounds, and you know, me being all Mr. "Critic Man," I'm not supposed to say, "dumb music good actually," but I mean, you know, when I'm on the dance floor with some cute piece of action pressing their ass directly against my crotch, the last thing I wanna fuckin' hear is...
144	---> '''[[Music/{{Radiohead}} Thom Yorke]]:''' ''Existentialism and Foucault do a bang-bang in a helicopter''
145	---> '''Crash:''' ''(drunkenly)'' Oh my God, shut the fuck up, Thom Yorke! I'm not trying to hear it, man, fuck off! ''(breaking character)'' God, I need the pandemic to end so badly.
146	** Also, in the same video, crossing over into an Awesome moment, he points out that in the chorus, there is a moment of FridgeBrilliance in the chorus that if you listen ''really'' closely, the lyrics to the chorus actually are saying, "po-po-po-poker face, fu-fu-fuck her face," not even in a subtle manner, that somehow managed to get played ad nauseam on mainstream radio stations completely uncensored. Immediately after, Crash '''himself''' has a moment of Fridge Brilliance where he just now, ''as he is filming the video,'' understands that '''''[[JustForFun/HolyShitQuotient "poker face" in itself is a wordplay on "poke her face." As in, a blowjob.]]'''''
147
148	* The "TOP 10 GUILTY PLEASURES" video has plenty of highlights:
149	** Gordon Rhode, Pastor Crash, Sweetie Bat and Spider-Crash dancing to [[MemeticMutation "Tunak Tunak Tun."]]
150	** Crash making jokes about the questionable lyric choices in "Prizm" by [=PAX217=]:
151	-->'''Dave Tosti:''' ♪ And on the 17th day of the 2nd month / Come on, come on, people, let the floodgates open ♪
152	-->'''Crash:''' ''FEBRUARY 17TH! DO YOU HEAR ME, MOTHERFUCKER? THE 17TH DAY OF THE 2ND MONTH! THAT IS THE'' '''''ONLY''''' ''DAY YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG; ANY OTHER DAY, BABY JESUS WILL DROP-KICK YOUR PUSSY INTO HELL!''
153	-->'''Dave Tosti:''' ♪ Red, orange, yellow, blue, green, & indigo / Is the flag of freedom, remind me of the sin to go ♪
154	-->'''Crash:''' The, uh..."red, orange, green, yellow flag" is the flag of freedom? Uh...I mean, I don't necessarily disagree with that, but, uh...I...I don't think that flag means what you think it means, my guy. [[HaveIMentionedIAmGay Besides, I've done a lot of sinning under that flag.]][[note]]SUCKING DICK FOR CHRIST[[/note]]
155	** Crash putting "Drops of Jupiter" by Music/{{Train}} over a Toyota commercial.
156	** Crash's description about the BreadEggsMilkSquick factor of Music/LimpBizkit being comprised of very talented instrumental members, but their talent is undercut by Fred Durst's unappealing anti-charisma:
157	-->'''Crash:''' It's like if [[Music/ThankYouScientist one of the best prog bands you ever heard in your life]] had no other choice but to be fronted by...WebVideo/ShaneDawson.
158	** "Throwing shade at Music/PuddleOfMudd at this point is like...talking shit about Creator/AndyDick. What does calling attention to it at this point even accomplish? Their legacies have both been so thoroughly overshadowed by terrible product after terrible product; not to mention, their repeated and often completely unrepentant bad behavior. Like, being the guy to shine yet another light on all that icky stuff, it's like, dude. Yeah, we know. No, duh."
159	** On "Body Language" by Music/{{Queen}}:
160	-->'''Crash:''' [[CampGay Not liking this song is homophobia.]] Fight me.
161	** Crash describing his love for Music/{{HIM}}:
162	-->'''Crash:''' It's one of those things where I listen to the music, and I know, deep down in my heart, soul, mind, and body that what I'm listening to is trash, [[Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia but I'm the trash man! I come out, and I throw trash all over the ring, and then I start eating garbage!]]
163	* The fourth entry in Crash's Worst of 2021 list (''Who Am I?'' by Pale Waves) has him admitting he was wrong about the band... by singing the [[WesternAnimation/GravityFalls "Stan Wrong Song."]]
164	-->'''Crash''': ''(in a gravelly voice similar to Stan's)'' I'm Crash and I was wrong\
165	I'm singing the Crash wrong song\
166	'''Mabel''': Do the kicks!\
167	''(Crash obliges, with unenthusiastic grunts of effort as he does so)''
168	** The BaitAndSwitch he pulls for the #1 spot where he jokingly puts ''[[Music/{{Weezer}} Van Weezer]]'' at #1 just to make fun of how hard he had given up on Weezer (so much so that he didn't even bother listening to ''Van Weezer''), as well as watch the angry butthurt comments on his live premiere.
169	--> '''Crash''': Alright, for real, though. What the fuck, [[spoiler: Music/ADayToRemember]]?
170	* How to Get Into Music/{{Red Hot Chili Peppers}}
171	** [[ItMakesSenseInContext GIVE ME YOUR PANTS, FLEA!]]
172	** Crash's baffled reaction to the lyrics of "Purple Stain":
173	--->'''Anthony Kiedis''': Your monthly blood is what I'll win\
174	'''Crash:''' ''{{Beat}}'' Why would you wanna win tha-?!
175	* The way that Crash announced his upcoming "Top 10 Worst Rock Hits of 2006" video. While others would simply tweet about their next video, Crash...[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZleSWH4R3-o did this]].
176	* The "Top 10 Worst Rock Hits of 2006" video:
177	** Crash's sheer befuddlement at the obscurity of the artist behind his #3 pick, Huck Johns. From his cheap-looking website, the fact that Crash somehow got more results for comedian Jon Huck on [=YouTube=], and the fact he had to go to ''[=ReverbNation=]'' to look for any lyrics. The biggest icing on the cake though was that the official audio had only 794 views on [=YouTube=] at time of production[[note]]his album's other songs mostly not doing much better in view count, with only one sitting at over 1,000[[/note]], with Crash pointing out that just posting a video of your cute pet could get you more views in one week than Billboard hitmaker Huck Johns in ''eight years''.
178	** Unfortunately, this comes to a screeching halt when the live video he used has the description read "You hear me Huck? get at me bro...lol", which enforces him to call [[WebVideo/{{Rocked}} Luke]] about his thoughts on not paying photographers:
179	--->'''Luke''': Talk about not paying photographers, eh? Story as old as the camera itself! Never mind that I've spent thousands of dollars on equipment and gear over the years, that's okay! I can make my money on the ''exposure bucks'' you make me! Just ignore that I have monthly Adobe fees to use the subscription that I need to edit your photos, that's okay! I'll be alright so long as you give me credit on Instagram! Doesn't matter if I have a professional portfolio showing off all the names I've worked with and what I'm capable of! That's fine, so long as I get paid in high-fives and smiles! Not like it doesn't take me any time or energy or effort to edit all those photos I take for you, you don't have to pay me though! Why would you think ''that''! Seriously, if you are a person that has ever asked a professional photographer to just bring your camera and take some shots for free, you are the biggest---
180	--->'''''[[WeAreExperiencingTechnicalDifficulties TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES PLEASE STAND BY]]'''''
181	* Worst Albums of 2022:
182	** Crash illustrates his disapproval of Music/ArcticMonkeys’ twist into a more serious tone with ''The Car'' by comparing it to the "Loss" strip from Webcomic/CtrlAltDel, complete with a photoshopped version of the strip with [[Film/AnchormanTheLegendOfRonBurgundy Ron Burgundy]] and a car.
183	** Crash saying that {{Music/Muse}}’s ''Will of the People'' is "about as political as my ass". SmashCut to a shot of his ass.
184	--> '''Crash''': I mean ok, technically there ''is'' a left and a right, but… ''(starts gyrating)'' in practice they serve the same function. And the center is full of [[CurseCutShort sh-]]
185	** His utter dismay that Our Lady Peace originally released ''Spiritual Machines 2'' as an NFT exclusive.
186	--> '''Crash''': Imagine if Music/Blink182 did ''Self-titled 2'', or Music/FooFighters did ''Color and the Shape 2'', and then the only way you could hear it was to pay for it in overpriced [=FartCoin=] Dumb Bucks.
187	* Best Albums of 2022:
188	** Crash's WordSaladHumor impression of Chat Pile's ''God's Country'' in a nutshell:
189	--> '''Crash''': ''(screaming)'' Everything grieves! Everything grieves! '''EVERYTHING GRIEVES!!!''' ''(unintelligible)'' disturbances of level[?] It is morally reprehensible, we’re homeless[?] ''(unintelligible)'' I need heroin! I need heroin! I inject heroin into my penis and feel feelings because [[CapitalismIsBad CAPITALISM!!! CAPITALISM!!!]] Capitalism is a clown penis fucking the chapel of Oklahoma City!!! '''WHY IS CAPITALISM A CLOWN PENIS FUCKING THE CHAPEL OF OKLAHOMA CITY?!?!?!''' ''(unintelligible screaming while suddenly [[BloodFromTheMouth throwing up blood]])'' '''''[[Advertising/{{McDonaldland}} PURPLE MAN!!! PURPLE MAN!!! PURPLE MAN!!!]] AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!'''''
190	** Crash describing his enjoyment of Music/{{Rosalia}}'s ''MOTOMAMI'' regardless of the album being entirely in Spanish:
191	--> '''Crash''': I don’t have to speak the language to know exactly what’s going on here. [[ItMakesSenseInContext A lot like]] {{hentai}}, come to think of it. [[SayingTooMuch Have I said too much?]]
192	** During the #4 pick, ''Preacher's Daughter'' by Ethel Cain, Crash is completely befuddled that ''UsefulNotes/BarackObama'' of all people called "American Teenager" one of his favorite songs of 2022, given the extremely dark subject matter of the album as a whole:
193	--> '''Crash''': Y’all, really think about this. This record is a hard sell on paper. A soul-crushingly depressing look at Appalachia and the Christian conservative hellscape that’s been fueled by organizations like the Promise Keepers and the Southern Baptist Convention for decades now that centers on isolation, alienation, the cruel subjugation that women face under that system; it is an absolutely cold-blooded record that gives you little moments of hope, [[spoiler: only for the protagonist that’s been trying to escape those horrible societal bonds [[WhamLine to get]] ''[[FromBadToWorse abducted]]'' and '''[[ConsumingPassion literally eaten by a sadist]]'''.]] Again, why does ''Barry'' like this?!
194	--> '''Barack Obama''': Hey, Michelle, get in here and listen to this white girl scream!
195	** Crash accidentally using the wrong album cover for ''CRASH'' by Music/CharliXCX...[[spoiler: instead, using a painting that Crash painted himself with ComicStrip/{{Garfield}} in place of Charli.]]
196	** On the #1 pick, [[spoiler: MUNA's self titled]]:
197	--> '''Crash''': '''''[[SkywardScream GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]]''''' ''(stops to catch breath)'' '''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis WHERE! ARE! THE! HOMO!]]''' '''''[[BattleStrip SEXUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!]]''''' [[CampGay Lol, I liek, is gey.]]
198	* Curse of the Best New Artist Grammy (1990-1994):
199	** Crash listing some of the all-time classic albums released in 1991:
200	-->'''Crash''': This was the year of ''Music/{{Nevermind\|Album}}'', ''Music/{{Ten\|PearlJamAlbum}}'', ''Music/AchtungBaby'', ''Music/TupacalypseNow'', ''Music/{{Loveless}}'', and of course... '''''[[Music/TheWiggles THE WIIIGGLLLLLLESSSSS!!!!]]'''''
201	* Scaring the hoes in his ''[[Music/{{JPEGMAFIA}} Scaring]] [[Music/DannyBrown The Hoes]]'' review. Clad in naught but his underwear, a jockstrap and sunglasses, Crash unleashes a minute of insanity that includes:
202	** Green-screening himself dancing on Ronald Reagan's grave while singing [[Music/LimpBizkit Rollin']].
203	** Screaming "FUCK YOU!" and "YOUR MAMA AIN'T SHIT!" at police footage.
204	** Posing on Margaret Thatcher's grave while exclaiming, "This a BITCH!"
205	** Pouring Olde English tile cleaner over himself.
206	-->'''Crash''': Tell yo' girl it's time for Christmas!
207	** Stoically standing in front of his makeshift green screen and posing a simple question:
208	-->'''Crash''': May I express an opinion about a superhero movie?
209	** And all of it ends with Crash back in his studio sporting an ankle monitor.
210	-->'''Crash''': And now my ass got indicted. Son of a ''bitch...''
211	* Worst Albums of 2023:
212	** Crash says that Morgan Wallen’s ''One Thing At A Time'' is so overly long that it goes past the point of being simply "flabby", it’s a morbidly obese album.
213	-->'''Crash''': This is the musical equivalent of ''(puts on husky Southern accent)'' [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS7E7KingSizeHomer "I wash myself with a rag on a stick"]].
214	** His amusement over the band Waterparks trying to make a "dark and edgy" album when "[they’re] literally called ‘water parks’", complete with fun and colourful b-roll of water parks asking who could consider those "dark and edgy" before [[CrossesTheLineTwice abruptly getting cut off by a news article about]] [[BodyHorror a boy getting decapitated on a water slide.]]
215	-->'''Crash''': OK, I was ''not'' prepared for that answer…
216	*** He also refers to the album as "[[TotemPoleTrench three kids in a black trench coat]] trying to sneak into Goth Night."
217	** Crash’s annoyance that 30 Seconds To Mars made him bring back his old Imagine Dragon RunningGag.
218	-->'''Imagine Dragon''': Please let me die…

Context Funny / CrashThompson