Line #342 Characters/ERBSeason1


1	[[WMG:[[center:''Characters/EpicRapBattlesOfHistory'' [[Characters/EpicRapBattlesOfHistory character index]]\
2	[-'''Season 1''' \| [[Characters/ERBSeason2 Season 2]] \| [[Characters/ERBSeason3 Season 3]] \| [[Characters/ERBSeason4 Season 4]] \| [[Characters/ERBSeason5 Season 5]] \| [[Characters/ERBSeason6 Season 6]] \| [[Characters/ERBSeason7 Season 7]] \| [[Characters/ERBFlashInThePanHipHopConflictsOfNowadays Flash in the Pan]] -]]]]]
3
4	!!Warning- {{Spoiler}}s!
5	----
6	[[foldercontrol]]
7
8	[[folder: John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly]]
9	!!Music/JohnLennon
10	-> '''Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
11	->''"I'm John Lennon; I'm a legend! I can see through all your tricks!"''
12
13	----
14	* BlingOfWar: He wears his uniform from "Sergeant Pepper."
15	* NotEvenBotheringWithTheAccent: Could be chalked up to EarlyInstallmentWeirdness because it is the only case. In later seasons he would probably have been played by a proper Englishman, or been given an accent more fitting to his real one.
16	* RoundHippieShades: He ''is'' Lennon so of course he has them.
17	* ShoutOut: He wears Lennon's ''Music/SgtPeppersLonelyHeartsClubBand'' uniform, namedrops ''Music/{{Help}}'', "Can't Buy Me Love" from ''Music/AHardDaysNight'' and oddly enough the Music/PaulMcCartney song "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" from ''Music/AbbeyRoad''.
18	* ShutUpHannibal: Spends both his verses telling O'Reilly to shut up.
19	* TheStoner: He certainly sounds less focused and angry... for the most part.
20	* TechnicalPacifist: He's all about peace and love, but he'll kick your ass for free.
21
22	!!Bill O'Reilly
23	-> '''Played by:''' Lloyd Ahlquist
24	->''"You're about to be sunk by the right-wing political machine!"''
25
26	----
27	* BadassInANiceSuit: Which he complements with $10,000 shoes.
28	* CardCarryingVillain: He outright admits that he's evil.
29	* DodgyToupee: It quite obviously is about to fall off at some points.
30	* ForTheEvulz: The reason he gives when Lennon asks why he schemes to stir the people up.
31	* HistoricalVillainUpgrade: In real life, he's a highly controversial figure who was fired from his job at Fox news for multiple instances of sexual harassment. Here, he's a CardCarryingVillain who stirs people up ForTheEvulz.
32	* ManOfWealthAndTaste: A nasty man in stylish suit and shoes.
33	* NoIndoorVoice: He doesn't just speak out against Lennon - he ''yells'' at the guy.
34	* ParentalNeglect: Lennon suggests that his mother never loved him.
35	* ProfessionalButtKisser: Lennon accuses O'Reilly of sucking up to UsefulNotes/GeorgeWBush too much. O'Reilly is more than happy to [[InsultBackfire take it as a compliment]].
36	* PropagandaMachine: He's accused of this by Lennon, and he doesn't try to deny it.
37	* RichBastard: His wealth is his only redeeming quality.
38	[[/folder]]
39
40	[[folder:Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader]]
41	See the [[Characters/EpicRapBattlesOfHistory main page]] for both of them.
42	[[/folder]]
43
44	[[folder: Abraham Lincoln vs Chuck Norris]]
45	!!UsefulNotes/AbrahamLincoln
46	See the [[Characters/EpicRapBattlesOfHistory main page]] for him.
47
48	!! Creator/ChuckNorris
49	-> '''Played by:''' Lloyd Ahlquist
50	->''"I am Chuck fucking Norris!"''
51
52	----
53	* AsskickingLeadsToLeadership: Many of the characters on the show are presidents, kings, emperors, etc. Chuck, on the other hand, has no sort of official rank at all. He's everyone's master because he can kick all their asses. (Except Bruce Lee.)
54	* BadassBoast: ''Seven in a row'', in the form of [[MemeticBadass Chuck Norris Facts]] that comprise his second verse, all belted out at the top of his lungs as he's one hundred feet tall, glowing, and on fire.
55	-->I AM CHUCK [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] NORRIS!
56	-->I've spread more blood and gore than forty score of your puny civil wars, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch]]!
57	-->I split the union with a roundhouse kick/I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick!
58	-->I attack sharks when I smell them bleed/I don't go swimming, water just wants to be around me!
59	-->My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster/you may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's '''master!'''
60	* BerserkButton: When Abraham Lincoln dumps a bucket of pennies on his head, he gets mad. And shortly after, Lincoln says he'd make fun of ''Series/WalkerTexasRanger'', [[ComplainingAboutShowsYouDontWatch but he never watched it]], then Chuck ''explodes'':
61	-->'''Chuck:''' '''I AM CHUCK [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] NORRIS!'''
62	* EldritchAbomination: His second verse implies that he's not human and instead a Cosmic Horror beyond human comprehension. The evidence? He quickly grows to 100 ft, glows, his voice echoes, and according to his boasts he makes, the laws of physics twist into knots by his presence alone.
63	* HistoricalBadassUpgrade: Chuck Norris in real life isn't actually a godlike superhuman who can seemingly bend reality to his whim. In this battle, he most certainly is.
64	* MemeticBadass: His verses capitalize on his status as this, as rather than any actual real life facts about him, they are practically comprised of Chuck Norris Facts and memes.
65	* NoIndoorVoice: During his second verse when he activates his SuperMode and becomes gigantic.
66	* OffhandBackhand: During his first verse, he casually deflects a few different attacks without looking at them or breaking his lyrical flow.
67	* RapidFireFisticuffs: His fists are faster than the speed of light.
68	* SuperMode: In the form of AttackOfThe50FootWhatever.
69	* ThreateningShark: Inverted in typical Chuck Norris fact fashion; "I attack sharks when I smell them bleed!"
70	[[/folder]]
71
72	[[folder: Sarah Palin vs Lady Gaga]]
73	!!UsefulNotes/SarahPalin
74	-> '''Played by:''' Lisa Nova
75	->''"I killed moose with my bare hands before you were alive! "''
76
77
78	* AuthorityEqualsAssKicking: Governor of Alaska. Gaga tries to downplay Palin's authority by claiming it's "like principal of a home school".
79	* BigScrewedUpFamily: According to Gaga, Palin's family is more dysfunctional than the Jacksons.
80	* BigStupidDoodooHead: Most of her insults towards her opponent are very lame and childish.
81	-->''Your voice sounds like a rooster having sex with a frog\
82	They put a lot of lipstick on ya, but ya still look like a dog''
83	* BlondeRepublicanSexKitten: Brunette with an extra helping of glasses. She never looked this good in real life.
84	* HeteronormativeCrusader: In reference to some of her more controversial real life views, she has her share of anti-LGBT lyrics, such as using "gay" as an insult and accusing Gaga of being a crossdresser and "transvestite".
85	* HypocriticalHumor: She accuses her opponent of having an annoying voice. She's one to talk.
86	* MamaBear: Don't insult her children.
87	* NeverMessWithGranny: She claims that she killed moose with her bare hands before Gaga was born.
88	* SimpletonVoice: She raps in a loud, squeaky, nasal voice with a thick MinnesotaNice drawl.
89	* WhileYouWereInDiapers: "I killed moose with my bare hands before you were alive!"
90
91	!!Music/LadyGaga
92	-> '''Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
93	->''"Your frigid little body couldn't even handle what I do."''
94
95	----
96	* CrosscastRole: Played by [=NicePeter=].
97	* DeadpanSnarker: All of her lines are delivered in a sarcastic and haughty way.
98	* DreadfulMusician: Sarah Palin thinks of her and her music as a joke.
99	* EccentricArtist: A musician who deliberately wears unusual things and makes provocative music as a form of art.
100	* {{Expy}}: Palin calls her a "rerun of {{Music/Madonna}}".
101	* RummageSaleReject: Her wardrobe is odd and mismatched.
102	* TeaIsClassy: Nonchalantly sips a cup of tea during Sarah Palin's first verse.
103	%%* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: In-universe; expresses the opinion that true beauty is unique and that it doesn't need to be perfect.
104	[[/folder]]
105
106	[[folder: Kim Jong-Il vs Hulk Hogan]]
107	!![[UsefulNotes/NorthKorea Kim Jong-Il]]
108	-> '''Played by:''' Timothy [=DeLaGhetto=]
109	->''"The name's Kim Jong. I got a license to IL! "''
110
111	----
112	* AGodAmI: Arrogantly proclaims this word for word.
113	* AnimeHair: Hulk Hogan says it makes him look like Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog[='s=] mom.
114	* AuthorityEqualsAsskicking: He's a dictator of a country with nuclear weapons.
115	* BerserkButton: He flips out when Hulk Hogan thinks that Beijing is in North Korea.
116	* BiggerIsBetterInBed: "North Korea bitch let me give you a tour, by the way, your wife says my dick is bigger than yours!"
117	* {{BFG}}: A ''rocket launcher''.
118	* CombatPragmatist: Why rap when you can shoot the other guy with a RPG-7?
119	* FatBastard: Made even worse considering that he starves his own people.
120	* FourEyesZeroSoul: A ruthless dictator who wears glasses.
121	* GroinAttack: Threatens to do this to Hogan: "I'll suplex you by your friggin' dick hair!"
122	* HistoricalVillainDowngrade: While still clearly an asshole, his notoriety of violating human rights is only mentioned in passing.
123	* {{Jerkass}}: He thinks pretty highly of himself even though he's clearly a dick.
124	* TheNapoleon: He's a ''lot'' shorter than either of his opponents and isn't shy about being aggressive towards both of them. Savage briefly refers to it.
125	-->'''Macho Man:''' I don't like to hit little bitches with glasses, but when midgets step up, I stomp midget asses.
126	* SinisterShades: They cover his eyes and he never takes them off.
127
128	!!The Mega Powers - Wrestling/HulkHogan and Wrestling/RandySavage
129	-> '''Hulk Hogan Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
130	-> '''Macho Man Played by:''' Lloyd Ahlquist
131	-->''"You got a ring side seat to your own smackdown, brother!"''
132	----
133	* CelebrityEndorsement
134	-->'''Randy Savage''': Watch me snap into a Slim-Jim Kim Jong-Il!
135	* TheCameo: Randy Savage briefly appears in the Season 3 premiere.
136	* CombatPragmatist: Savage has no problem hitting aggressive midgets, though he does express that he prefers not to hit guys with glasses.
137	* CoolShades: Randy's shades are definitely an 80s throwback.
138	* DumbBlonde: What Kim Jong-Il thinks of Hulk Hogan after Hogan's GlobalIgnorance shines through.
139	* EagleLand: Both have a mix of Type 1 and 2; They're the good guys, but they have GlobalIgnorance, solve all their problems with violence and threats of it, etc.
140	* GlobalIgnorance: Hulk thinks Beijing is in Korea.
141	* InterchangeableAsianCultures: Hulk can't tell them apart and knows very little about North Korea, something Kim Jong-Il calls him out on.
142	* MadeOfIron: Hulk survives a missile to the chest!
143	** DentedIron: ...But he still has to tag in the Macho Man to finish the battle.
144	* TakeUpMySword: Randy Savage does this, as he only comes into the match after Hogan is hit by a rocket and unable to continue.
145	* YouWouldntHitAGuyWithGlasses: Randy makes mention that he usually doesn't hit "midgets with glasses" ,but since his opponent Kim Jong-Il he threatens to make an exception.
146	[[/folder]]
147
148	[[folder: Ludwig van Beethoven vs Justin Bieber]]
149	!! Music/LudwigVanBeethoven
150	-> '''Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
151	->''"I've crafted masterpieces that will last throughout the ages!"''
152
153	----
154
155	* BiggerIsBetterInBed: "Ask Bach, I've got more cock than Smith & Wesson!", complete with Bach popping up on screen nodding and making an "it was this big!" gesture by holding his hands ~18 inches apart.
156	* ClassicalMusic: Crowds of millions want to listen to his symphonies long after his death.
157	* DeafComposer: [[CursedWithAwesome He considers it a blessing because he doesn't have to hear Bieber's songs]].
158	* DistractedByTheSexy: Beethoven momentarily tries to sneak a peek when Bieber mentions having Creator/KimKardashian backstage.
159	* FlippingTheTable: Overturns his piano at the end of his first verse because he is ''that'' outraged by his opponent.
160	* HoistByHisOwnPetard: Went deaf from his own music, according to Bieber.
161	* HotBlooded: He's a man of great emotion.
162	* MusicalAssassin: "I'm comitting verbal murder in the major third degree!"
163	* ShownTheirWork: Third degree murder is usually called manslaughter, and represents a killing done without forethought in a situation where any reasonable person would be especially disturbed or upset. In other words, Beethoven feels killing Bieber is what anyone would do.
164	* YouHaveNoIdeaWhoYoureDealingWith: Not impressed by the latest teenage heart throb; it's the undercurrent of his first verse. "Sit down, son, and let me give you a music lesson."
165	** And later in the same verse: "My name's '''Beethoven''', ''[[PrecisionFStrike Motherfucker]]'', [[SarcasmMode maybe you've heard of me?!]]"
166	* WouldntHitAGirl: Claims that it's the reason why he won't smack Bieber.
167	-->'''Beethoven ''': I would smack you, but in Germany we don't hit little girls!
168
169	!!Music/JustinBieber
170	-> '''Played by:''' Alex Farnham
171	->''"Here's some aspirin: you're catching Bieber fever tonight!"''
172
173	----
174	* AdaptationalWimp: Like him or not, the real Beiber can at least sing in tune. This Bieber on the other hand, cannot.
175	-->'''Bieber:''' Who even listens to classical any-wa-ay.
176	* BigStupidDoodooHead: Befitting his characterization here as a BrattyHalfPint, Bieber's disses and boasts are cartoonishly immature.
177	-->''You look like Chewbacca wiped his ass on your head\
178	I'm the next Music/MichaelJackson! You smell like Creator/BettyWhite''
179	* BrattyHalfPint: An arrogant child trying to run with a famous musician.
180	* CurbStompCushion: He may not do that well, but he does get one or two good hits in, like when he tells Beethoven that his own music made him deaf or when he offers him aspirin and says, "You're catching Bieber Fever tonight!"
181	* DreadfulMusician: Beethoven says he's glad that he's deaf, so he doesn't have to hear Bieber's terrible music.
182	* JokeCharacter: While he was immensely popular at the time the battle was made, part of the joke of the matchup is that Beethoven is one of the most influential composers of all time while Justin Bieber is a famous musician who hasn't influenced the music industry the same way Beethoven has.
183	* KidAnova: If his verses are to be believed, he can seduce older women.
184	* PrettyFlyForAWhiteGuy: Beethoven calls him a "little white Usher".
185	* TeenyWeenie: When Beethoven tells Bieber he can't even hit puberty, Bach again pops up on screen, making a sad face, and another "it was this big" gesture, holding his finger and thumb roughly an inch apart.
186	[[/folder]]
187
188	[[folder: Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking]]
189	!! UsefulNotes/AlbertEinstein
190	-> '''Played by:''' Music/ZachSherwin
191	->''"Albert E equals MC squared!"''
192
193	----
194	* BadassBookworm: He blows minds with his battle theory.
195	* BadassBoast: Claims that he could school Hawking anywhere from M.I.T. to Oxford.
196	* BullyingTheDisabled: Makes fun of Hawking's condition a few times, and even threatens him with physical violence.
197	* DoppelgangerSpin: He does a battle-rap version of this when he claims that "I'm as dope as two rappers" and a double of him appears.
198	* EinsteinHair: The TropeNamer himself has his trademark wild hair, or in Hawking's opinion, troll doll hair.
199	* HerrDoktor: Well, Einstein ''was'' German, so of course he comes with the accent. Though [[OohMeAccentsSlipping the accent drops at the end]] when ripping into Hawking's black hole theory.
200	* KickTheDog: Some of his raps are directly aimed at Hawking's disability, which is nastier than anything Hawking dissed.
201	* LargeHam: Very passionate and his gestures make him seem even more so next to the immobile Hawking.
202	* PungeonMaster: "Minds are relatively blown," "Albert E. equals MC squared"... the list goes on.
203
204	!! Creator/StephenHawking
205	-> '''Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
206	->''"I got 12-inch rims on my chair. That's how I roll, y'all!"''
207
208	----
209	* AutoTune: At first, the producers considered just having a synthesized voice, as [[ShownTheirWork Hawking does in real life]], but they found that it was too jarring and had no sense of rhythm, so this was used as an alternative.
210	* BadassBoast: "I'm the best; the Snoop Dog of Science!"
211	* BadassBookworm: Don't try to match your P-brane (pea brain) against his mind.
212	* BerserkButton: Saying his Black Hole theory has holes in it made him furious. The disabled jokes also hit it.
213	* TheCameo: Stephen Hawking has appeared in multiple battles, including both ''Vader VS Hitler'' sequels.
214	* DeathGlare: Gives as much of one as is possible for him to Einstein insulting his Black Hole theory.
215	* DisabledSnarker: As in RealLife. His raps are so sharp, they physically hurt.
216	* DissonantSerenity: He's clearly ''pissed'' after his BerserkButton is pressed, though due to his disability his physical and tonal response to this is minimal at best.
217	* GeniusCripple: It's Hawking, he's in a wheel chair, and he's rapping.
218	* HiddenAgendaVillain: For a given measure of villain. [[spoiler:Whose side he's on is now up for debate, given how he threw Hitler a microphone]].
219	* MachineMonotone: Like the real deal, he speaks with a machine.
220	* MundaneUtility: Using the computer on his SuperWheelchair to play VideoGame/AngryBirds.
221	* SuperWheelchair: With 12-inch rims.
222	* SuperiorSuccessor:
223	--> '''Hawking''': And while it's true that my work is based on you, I'm a supercomputer you're like a TI-82, ooh!
224	* YouHaveNoIdeaWhoYoureDealingWith: "...here, boy!"
225	* YourMom: "Your mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd."
226	[[/folder]]
227
228	[[folder: Genghis Khan vs The Easter Bunny]]
229	!! UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan
230	-> '''Played by:''' Lloyd Ahlquist
231	->''"From Poland to Korea, I ravaged the land!"''
232
233	----
234	* AsskickingLeadsToLeadership: Became the ruler of one of the most feared Empires in history by kicking lots of ass.
235	* AxCrazy: He takes pleasure in wanting to brutally murder the Easter Bunny.
236	* BloodKnight: He's a HotBlooded Mongolian warmonger.
237	* CoolHelmet: All part of his warrior overlord look.
238	* CoolSword: Like his helmet, this is also part of his warlord look.
239	* DepravedBisexual: While he proudly brags of his [[RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil "conquests"]] in his second verse and the multitude of descendants that he fathered, Genghis also threatened to do the same to the Easter Bunny at the start of his first verse (complete with his sword planted strategically on his crotch).
240	-->"Your bunny ass about to feel the [[Film/StarTrekIITheWrathOfKhan wrath of Khan]]!"
241	* EvilLaugh: Begins his verse with one.
242	* FourStarBadass: Commander of the infamous Mongol horde.
243	* LargeHam: Just listen to his EvilLaugh and the way he attacks his lines.
244	* NoIndoorVoice: All his lines are shouted.
245	* PoliticallyIncorrectVillain: It's not entirely brought up, but his pillaging involved a ''lot'' of rape.
246	--> "From Poland to Korea I ravaged the land, now my DNA's in dudes from New York to Japan!"
247
248	!!EasterBunny
249	-> '''Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
250	->''"The Easter Bunny, baby; I deserve to be arrogant!"''
251
252	----
253	* AmbiguouslyGay: Has some rather camp mannerisms.
254	* BreakTheHaughty: He claims that he deserves to be arrogant, but gets his ass handed to him by Genghis.
255	* ButtMonkey: Not surprisingly, he gets easily intimidated by Genghis Khan in the rap battle. The funny part is how easily scared he is of Khan's aggressive rapping and then later begs him to get out of his face and go back to his village.
256	* DirtyCoward: He goes from threatening to shove his foot up Khan's crotch to saying that there's no need for meanness and they should keep it peaceful after he gets threatened.
257	* JokeCharacter: Not even The Announcer is impressed.
258	* KillerRabbit: What he claims; can't back it up.
259	* {{Mascot}}: One in denial, for Hallmark, according to UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan.
260	* NiceGuy: Claims to be one when he talks about giving people candy.
261	[[/folder]]
262
263	[[folder: Napoleon Bonaparte vs Napoleon Dynamite]]
264	!! UsefulNotes/NapoleonBonaparte
265	-> '''Played by:''' Lloyd Ahlquist
266	->''"How dare you address moi, you adolescent worm!"''
267
268	----
269	* AuthorityEqualsAsskicking: He's the Emperor of the French.
270	* CulturalPosturing: Treats his French heritage as a source of pride. Which is odd because the real Napoleon spoke French with a thick Corsican accent that he never lost.
271	* TheEmperor: Of France, as in real life.
272	* FourStarBadass: One of the great generals of history, and mentions it many times.
273	* GratuitousFrench: Mostly raps in English, but breaks into French for one line.
274	* TheNapoleon: Thoroughly averted despite being the TropeNamer. His height is mentioned several times, but it doesn't faze him one bit and he never brings the topic up at all.
275	* PintsizedPowerhouse: He's tiny, but he's one hell of a rapper, and one of the best generals in history.
276	* ShallowParody: Somewhat unusually for this series, this version of Napoleon doesn't reference any of the historical figure's personality or accomplishments besides being short and a stereotypical FrenchJerk. And these are both HollywoodHistory - the actual Napoleon was average height and culturally Italian. To be fair it's difficult to see how this could have been avoided as it would have been even more silly to have Napoleon rapping about his actual accomplishments when his opponent was [[{{Film/NapoleonDynamite}} Napoleon Dynamite.]]
277	* VirginShaming: Endorses the idea that Napoleon isn't a real man because he's a virgin.
278	* WhiteStallion: Rides it into the battle during the introduction, and was famously depicted atop one in paintings.
279
280	!!Film/NapoleonDynamite
281	-> '''Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
282	->''"I got skills! I'll put you in a half Horatio Nelson!"''
283
284	----
285	* BoisterousWeakling: Talks big, but any skills he might have at physical combat... just see WhatTheFuAreYouDoing below. He's beyond terrible when he tries to show off with nunchucks.
286	* CoolHorse: Rides the Liger (Lion[=/=]Tiger mix) during the introduction.
287	* DullSurprise: He stays emotionless throughout his battle and does bother to do any motions aside from the occasional reaction to Bonaparte's verses.
288	* JokeCharacter: Bonaparte is regarded as a brilliant general. Dynamite shares only the same first name.
289	* NerdGlasses: To emphasize his Nerdiness further, he has the stereotypical glasses.
290	* WhatTheFuAreYouDoing: His nunchucks. [[InformedAbility "Alleged skills" indeed.]]
291	[[/folder]]
292
293	[[folder: Benjamin Franklin vs Billy Mays]]
294	!! Creator/BenjaminFranklin
295	-> '''Played by:''' Lloyd Ahlquist
296	->''"I'm mint; I'm money! I'm an educated gentleman!"''
297
298	----
299	* AuthorityEqualsAsskicking: Governor of Pennsylvania and Founding Father of the United States.
300	* BadassBookworm: Invented the post office and his lightning experiment is referenced.
301	* BadassLongRobe: He starts off with one and uses for dramatic gestures to punctuate his raps.
302	* SlobsVersusSnobs: A lesser example than most: Franklin describes himself as wealthy and educated while denigrating Mays' kitschy television sales.
303	* SophisticatedAsHell: "Stop! I protest these intolerable raps! It takes just one easy payment for me to ''whoop your ass''!
304	* SpecsOfAwesome: His bifocals amplify his BadassBookworm awesomeness.
305	* StoutStrength: He makes the screen shake when he stomps.
306
307	!!Creator/BillyMays
308	-> '''Billy Played by:''' Colin J. Sweeney
309	->''"Hi, Billy Mays here with a special TV offer!"''
310
311	----
312	* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: "Hi, Billy Mays here, with a special TV offer! Watch me crush this bald, '''f'''at, '''f'''oppish '''f'''ounding '''f'''ather!"
313	* ButWaitTheresMore: As is his custom, he starts with this trope in his second verse opening attack. [[spoiler: He doesn't finish and they become his last words.]]
314	* CharacterDeath: [[spoiler:Billy dies of a heart attack.]]
315	* NoIndoorVoice: A loud voice comes with being a spokesman.
316	* PaymentPlanPitch: In this case, one easy payment for Ben Franklin to whoop Billy's ass.
317	* RedBaron: Billy's the Lord of the Pitch.
318
319	!!Ofer "Vince Offer" Shlomi (The Shamwow Guy)
320	-> '''Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
321	->''"You following me, camera guy? 'Cause it's about to get furious!"'''
322
323	----
324	* TakeUpMySword: [[spoiler:Billy Mays dies of a heart attack before he can complete his second verse. Vince steps in to finish the battle.]]
325	[[/folder]]
326
327	[[folder:Gandalf vs Dumbledore]]
328	!![[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings Gandalf]]
329	-> '''Played by:''' Lloyd Ahlquist
330	->''"I am the one rapper to rule them all!"''
331
332	----
333	* BadassLongrobe: Wears his characteristic robes from ''Lord of the Rings''.
334	* BroughtDownToBadass: He's knocked from White to Gray, but is by no means less badass.
335	* CompensatingForSomething: Dumbledore suspects this is why he carries a staff.
336	* CameBackStrong: Dying only makes his "brights brighter".
337	* DeathIsCheap: Death makes ''others'' die, but not him.
338	* PlayingWithFire: One of his powers; "I leave mics in flames; torched by Gandalf!"
339	* SmokingIsCool: Gets a memorable shot of him releasing a gout of smoke after inhaling from his pipe. In slow-motion.
340	* WizardBeard: His is long and straight.
341
342	!![[Literature/HarryPotter Albus Dumbledore]]
343	-> '''Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
344	->''"Check your status! They call me headmaster! You're nothing!"''
345
346	----
347	* AuthorityEqualsAsskicking: Headmaster of Hogwarts Academy.
348	* BadassArmy: Dumbledore's Army is more impressive than 'hairy-toed friends'.
349	* BadassLongrobe: Wears his famous wizard robes from the movies.
350	* {{Familiar}}: His phoenix Fawkes.
351	* MagicWand: Uses it to demote Gandalf.
352	* RealMenWearPink: Carries a pink boa in his closet, but he's never seen wearing it.
353	* StraightGay: Prefers the company of wizards and proud of it! Like in official Harry Potter media, he doesn't state or hide his sexuality, referencing it more through some of his actions rather than his personality.
354	* TransparentCloset: What Gandalf accuses him of being, due to the fact that Dumbledore is all but explicitly stated to be gay in the books.
355	-->'''Gandalf:'''We all know you've more than a Boggart in your closet.
356	* WizardBeard: It is long and he has knots in it.
357	[[/folder]]
358
359	[[folder: William Shakespeare vs Dr Seuss]]
360	!!Creator/WilliamShakespeare
361	-> '''Played by:''' George Watsky
362	->''"The Bard is in the building. It's a castle, I'm a boss!"''
363
364	----
365	* AlasPoorYorick: Holds up the famous skull just before kicking into MotorMouth.
366	* AntiquatedLinguistics: Complete with Iambic Pentameter considering how old he is compared to Dr.Seuss.
367	* BadassBookworm: Considered to be the greatest writer in the English language and the world's greatest playwright, he is this by definition.
368	* BoringInsult: It's hard to catch but this is how he starts his attack in the second verse.
369	--> You're pathetically predictable. You think your new book might include a trisyllabic meter and some ghetto muppet creatures?
370	* CulturedBadass: He'll chew you out in accurate Iambic Pentameter.
371	* GratuitousIambicPentameter: His first verse is structured like one of his plays.
372	* IAmNotLeftHanded: Changes gears from Iambic Pentameter to MotorMouth in response to the Cat in the Hat entering the battle.
373	* LargeHam: Because he's LITERALLY Shakespeare, his rapping is very classy and theatrical.
374	* MotorMouth: In his second verse, he increases the pace of his rap to such a stunning degree that both Dr. Seuss and the Cat in the Hat are left momentarily speechless.
375	* PretenderDiss: An odd example; Will takes shots at the quality of Seuss's writing and character, before adding "And to top it off [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking you're not a doctor]]".
376	* SophisticatedAsHell: Will mix lines from his play with rather pedestrian insults.
377	-->I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades, then ask "What light through yonder poser breaks?"
378	* TakeThat: Rounds out his first verse by accusing Seuss of writing ''[[Literature/TheTwilightSaga Twilight]]''.
379
380	!!Creator/DrSeuss
381	-> '''Dr. Seuss Played by:''' Mickey Meyer
382	-> '''Literature/TheCatInTheHat Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
383	-> '''Things 1 and 2 both Played by:''' Lloyd Ahlquist
384
385	----
386	* ArtInitiatesLife: He creates the Cat in the Hat and Thing 1 and Thing 2 from drawings.
387	* ArtAttacker: He draws the Cat in the Hat and Things 1 and 2 [[ArtInitiatesLife to life]], who then raps on his behalf.
388	* AxCrazy: Things 1 and 2 spout nothing but bloodthirsty lines, and seem like they would love to physically harm Shakespeare.
389	* BadassBookworm: He's very quiet and doesn't look too physically intimidating, but he doesn't need to be when he can summon his creations to kick ass for him. Plus he ends his "verses" by slamming a book closed.
390	* BerserkButton: Don't accuse him of writing the ''[[Literature/TheTwilightSaga Twilight]]'' books.
391	* BookSnap: Unlike most instances of this trope, he employs this to punctuate the end of his characters' verses.
392	* TheBrute: Things 1 and 2 are Dr. Seuss' minions who are much more violent, crude, and aggressive than the Cat in the Hat.
393	* CoolShades: The Cat wears Peter's signature glasses.
394	* CloudCuckoolander: Throughout the bulk of the battle, he seems to be oblivious to what's going on. Until Shakespeare [[BerserkButton accuses him of writing the Twilight books...]]
395	* TheDragon: The Cat in the Hat was created to rap on his behalf.
396	* FunnyBackgroundEvent: While the Cat in the Hat mentions boats, the background changes to a boat and Seuss immediately becomes seasick. With rainbows.
397	* HandicappedBadass: He cannot speak on account of his throat cancer. It doesn't stop him from standing up to a literary giant like Shakespeare.
398	* JawDrop: Shakespeare's second verse, which is a stunning case of MotorMouth, provokes this from both Seuss and the Cat in the Hat.
399	* KubrickStare: Engages in long ones that leave Shakespeare shaken just before and just after the Cat's verse.
400	* TheMinionMaster: He is the only title "rapper" to not actually rap, rather he [[ArtAttacker paints his characters to life]] and has them rap on his behalf.
401	* NotThatKindOfDoctor: Gets called out by Shakespeare for not being an actual doctor.
402	* TheVoiceless: He never talks; his creations do that for him.
403	[[/folder]]
404
405	[[folder: Mr T vs Mr Rogers]]
406	!!Creator/MrT
407	-> '''Played by:''' [=DeStorm=] Power
408	->''"I pity the fool who tries to step to Clubber Lang!"''
409
410	----
411	* BadassCrew: He's got the A-Team to help him out.
412	* BerserkButton: He doesn't react kindly to being called dumb.
413	* BlingOfWar: His neck chains are all gold. He threatens to dip Mr. Roger's friends in the gold and add them to his collection.
414	* DumbMuscle: Mister Rogers claims that he calls himself "T" because he's "too dumb to spell".
415	* NoIndoorVoice: Most of his lines are shouted and are much, much louder than those of Mr. Rogers.
416	* NoNonsenseNemesis: His lines don't contain any jokes or funny bits; they're straight out attacks.
417	* ScaryBlackMan: The real Mr. T is famous for this and it's played up here too; lots of threats and stuff.
418	* TrashTalk: His lines are exclusively this. A lot of rappers go for boasting about themselves, he just goes on the attack.
419	* TrueCompanions: The A-Team's got his back.
420	* VerbalTic: "Punk!", "Fool!" and "Sucka!"
421
422	!! [[Series/MisterRogersNeighborhood Mr. Fred Rogers]]
423	-> '''Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
424	->''"Hi there, neighbor."''
425
426	----
427	* AxCrazy: Slips into a tranquil sort of violent creepy when Mr. T says he'll "call CPS about them kids on your lap!"
428	* BatterUp: Mr. [=McFeely=] carries one and threatens Mr. T with it.
429	* BerserkButton: Accusations of child molestation make him take a nasty turn.
430	* BewareTheNiceOnes: Acts friendly through much of his lines, but when Mr. T [[BerserkButton accuses him of child molestation]], he drops the friendly attitude and gets serious. He also threatens to cut MR. T into pieces. And at the end of his second verse, Mr. [=McFeely=] can be seen in the background, menacingly holding a [[BatterUp baseball bat]], apparently ready to use it if Mr. T doesn't leave.
431	* CreepyMonotone: Part of his second verse is delivered this way, when he's obviously seething about being accused of child molestation.
432	* DissonantSerenity: He smiles fondly and nonchalantly changes his shoes while Mr. T threatens him and curses him out.
433	* LethalJokeCharacter: Note how the music changes when he's announced; it seems to be setting up for a CurbStompBattle reminiscent of Genghis Khan vs. the Easter Bunny, but he proceeds to have a chilling rap of his own.
434	* NiceGuy: He's one of the few characters who's polite to his opponent. The worst he does insult-wise is friendly teasing. Then his BerserkButton is pushed.
435	* OOCIsSeriousBusiness: Mister Rogers gladly accepts anyone into his neighborhood, except for people who call him a pedophile. Then shit will get real.
436	* PrecisionFStrike: Delivers a pointed one to Mr. T; "get the ''fuck'' out of my neighborhood".
437	* TermsOfEndangerment: Precedes his final threat by addressing Mr. T as [[FirstNameBasis Lawrence]].
438	* TranquilFury: Rogers is clearly pissed at Mr. T's [[PaedoHunt joke about child molestation]], but his only reaction is to slip into a calm, even, and ''creepy'' monotone. This is noteworthy given that he was jovial until that point.
439	[[/folder]]
440
441	[[folder: Captain Kirk vs Christopher Columbus]]
442	!!UsefulNotes/{{Christopher Columbus}}
443	-> '''Played by:''' Peter Shukoff
444	->''"I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!"''
445
446	----
447	* AlienNonInterferenceClause: The worst offender of the Prime Directive.
448	* AssShove: Threatens to shove a flag up Kirk's ass and claim him for Spain.
449	* BadassLongcoat: He uses it to punctuate his prediction of who'll win this battle.
450	* BeatThemAtTheirOwnGame: Neck chopping [[PressurePoint Spock]] and stabbing [[MasterSwordsman Sulu]] with a sword.
451	* CoolBoat: It sails during the opening.
452	* CoolSword: A rapier.
453	* HeroKiller: Floors Spock and Sulu ''in seconds''.
454	* LargeHam: He plays up every hammy Italian stereotype as much as possible.
455	* KnowNothingKnowItAll: For all his talk about being a genius explorer, Kirk points out that he was really just a xenophobic idiot who discovered UsefulNotes/TheAmericas with the goal of mostly just finding a shortcut and never actually ended up where he intended to sail to.
456	* NoSenseOfDirection: Kirk points out that he never lands were he intends to sail to.
457	* PoliticallyIncorrectVillain: According to Kirk he's a "slave making bitch". [[note]] He's talking to Queen Isabella, but it still works for Columbus. [[/note]]
458	* ScrewThisImOuttaHere: Pulls this after his first line, but he immediately comes back.
459	--> "Arrivederci! Imma leave before this battle begins!... 'Cos we both know in the end which one of these captain's gonna win!"
460
461	!![[Franchise/StarTrek Captain James Tiberius Kirk]]
462	-> '''Played by:''' Lloyd Ahlquist
463	->''"I'm the…enterprising captain, James…Tiberius Kirk."''
464
465	----
466	* BullyHunter: ''Hates'' the way Columbus treated the natives and wants to punish the man for it.
467	* TheCaptain: Considers himself a better one.
468	* ConfusionFu: Columbus's face when he starts rapping suggests this because he appears dumbfoundedbythe….strange way...inwhichKirk speaks.
469	* CoolStarship: The Enterprise.
470	* {{Hypocrite}}: Claims Columbus discovered a new world that was already inhabited when Kirk did this himself.
471	%%%* LargeHam: In true Creator/WilliamShatner style.
472	* StylisticSuck: He doesn't rap so much as spastically state his verses.
473	* VerbalTic: Broken up speech, which makes his rap less of a rap and more of a long, drawn out statement.
474	* WouldHitAGirl: Beats up one during his first verse, then [[RuleOfFunny makes out with her]]. Later punches Queen Isabella.
475	[[/folder]]
476
477	[[folder: Nice Peter vs Epic Lloyd]]
478	See the [[Characters/EpicRapBattlesOfHistory main page]] for both of them.
479	[[/folder]]

Context Characters / ERBSeason1