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Deleted line(s) 3,4 (click to see context) :
* ImprovedSecondAttempt: Jeff only kills his parents (who are intentionally [[HateSink less sympathetic]]) and sparing Liu, with little implication Jeff will kill anyone else.
* {{Narm}}: The PurpleProse and [[HoYay (hopefully) unintentional gay undertones]][[NoYay , even between Jeff, and Liu]].
* {{Narm}}: The PurpleProse and [[HoYay (hopefully) unintentional gay undertones]][[NoYay , even between Jeff, and Liu]].
Added line(s) 7 (click to see context) :
* ImprovedSecondAttempt: Jeff only kills his parents (who are intentionally [[HateSink less sympathetic]]) and spares Liu, with little implication Jeff will kill anyone else. This helps address criticisms that the version of Jeff from the original creepypasta came off as UnintentionallyUnsympathetic.
* {{Narm}}: The PurpleProse and [[HoYay (hopefully) unintentional gay undertones]][[NoYay , even between Jeff, and Liu]].
* {{Narm}}: The PurpleProse and [[HoYay (hopefully) unintentional gay undertones]][[NoYay , even between Jeff, and Liu]].
Deleted line(s) 7 (click to see context) :
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Deleted line(s) 2 (click to see context) :
* AuthorsSavingThrow: Jeff only kills his parents (who are intentionally [[HateSink less sympathetic]]) and sparing Liu, with little implication Jeff will kill anyone else.
Added DiffLines:
* ImprovedSecondAttempt: Jeff only kills his parents (who are intentionally [[HateSink less sympathetic]]) and sparing Liu, with little implication Jeff will kill anyone else.
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None
Added DiffLines:
* AuthorsSavingThrow: Jeff only kills his parents (who are intentionally [[HateSink less sympathetic]]) and sparing Liu, with little implication Jeff will kill anyone else.
Added DiffLines:
* {{Narm}}: The PurpleProse and [[HoYay (hopefully) unintentional gay undertones]][[NoYay , even between Jeff, and Liu]].
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Changed line(s) 4 (click to see context) from:
* SlowPacedBeginning: Starts with a description of the weather.
to:
* SlowPacedBeginning: Starts with a description of the weather.weather.
----
----
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The policemen had some relevance to the story, I wouldn't call them "totally irrelevant".
Changed line(s) 2 (click to see context) from:
* BrokenBase: While pretty much everybody agreed it was superior to the original, many noted that this wasn't exactly a difficult task and that many flaws remained; the bullies are still as evil and one-dimensional for the most part, the abusive parents come off as extremely generic, the police are still brainless idiots- made worse in this instance since they are totally irrelevant to the story- and the fact that Jeff still isn't that scary. Others noted that the author didn't exactly have the best of source material and he did the best with what he had.
to:
* BrokenBase: While pretty much everybody agreed it was superior to the original, many noted that this wasn't exactly a difficult task and that many flaws remained; the bullies are still as evil and one-dimensional for the most part, the abusive parents come off as extremely generic, the police are still brainless idiots- made worse in this instance since they are totally irrelevant to the story- idiots, and the fact that Jeff still isn't that scary. Others noted that the author didn't exactly have the best of source material and he did the best with what he had.
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Doesn't meet the criteria
Deleted line(s) 2 (click to see context) :
* BigLippedAlligatorMoment: The cops only serve two purposes: to provide tension between Jeff and his parents, and to practically say "Everyone's on Randy's side".
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Added DiffLines:
* AccidentalInnuendo: Many of the metaphors used to describe Jeff's anger make the story feel less like we're reading about a killer in the making, and more about a teenage boy discovering his sexuality.
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Requires Word Of God confirmation
Deleted line(s) 1 (click to see context) :
* AuthorsSavingThrow: Jeff is less UnintentionallyUnsympathetic by having him kill only his parents (who are intentionally [[HateSink less sympathetic]]) and sparing Liu, with little implication Jeff will kill anyone else.
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Changed line(s) 4 (click to see context) from:
* SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments: A surprisingly heartwarming moment after Jeff kills his parents. Instead of killing Liu like he originally did, he tells his brother how much he loves him before he runs away.
to:
* SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments: A surprisingly heartwarming moment after Jeff kills his parents. Instead of killing Liu like he originally did, he tells his brother how much he loves him before he runs away.away.
* SlowPacedBeginning: Starts with a description of the weather.
* SlowPacedBeginning: Starts with a description of the weather.
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Changed line(s) 1,4 (click to see context) from:
* AuthorsSavingThrow: Jeff is less by having him kill only his parents (who are intentionally [[HateSink less sympathetic]]) and sparing Liu, with little implication Jeff will kill anyone else.
* BigLippedAlligatorMoment: The cops are a minor example in the official remake. They only serve two purposes: to provide tension between Jeff and his parents, and to practically say "Everyone's on Randy's side".
* BrokenBase: The official remake was no less divisive; while pretty much everybody agreed it was superior to the original, many noted that this wasn't exactly a difficult task and that many flaws remained; the bullies are still as evil and one-dimensional for the most part, the abusive parents come off as extremely generic, the police are still brainless idiots- made worse in this instance since they are totally irrelevant to the story- and the fact that Jeff still isn't that scary. Others noted that the author didn't exactly have the best of source material and he did the best with what he had.
* SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments: The remake has a surprisingly heartwarming moment after Jeff kills his parents. Instead of killing Liu like he originally did, he tells his brother how much he loves him before he runs away.
* BigLippedAlligatorMoment: The cops are a minor example in the official remake. They only serve two purposes: to provide tension between Jeff and his parents, and to practically say "Everyone's on Randy's side".
* BrokenBase: The official remake was no less divisive; while pretty much everybody agreed it was superior to the original, many noted that this wasn't exactly a difficult task and that many flaws remained; the bullies are still as evil and one-dimensional for the most part, the abusive parents come off as extremely generic, the police are still brainless idiots- made worse in this instance since they are totally irrelevant to the story- and the fact that Jeff still isn't that scary. Others noted that the author didn't exactly have the best of source material and he did the best with what he had.
* SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments: The remake has a surprisingly heartwarming moment after Jeff kills his parents. Instead of killing Liu like he originally did, he tells his brother how much he loves him before he runs away.
to:
* AuthorsSavingThrow: Jeff is less UnintentionallyUnsympathetic by having him kill only his parents (who are intentionally [[HateSink less sympathetic]]) and sparing Liu, with little implication Jeff will kill anyone else.
* BigLippedAlligatorMoment: The copsare a minor example in the official remake. They only serve two purposes: to provide tension between Jeff and his parents, and to practically say "Everyone's on Randy's side".
* BrokenBase:The official remake was no less divisive; while While pretty much everybody agreed it was superior to the original, many noted that this wasn't exactly a difficult task and that many flaws remained; the bullies are still as evil and one-dimensional for the most part, the abusive parents come off as extremely generic, the police are still brainless idiots- made worse in this instance since they are totally irrelevant to the story- and the fact that Jeff still isn't that scary. Others noted that the author didn't exactly have the best of source material and he did the best with what he had.
* SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments:The remake has a A surprisingly heartwarming moment after Jeff kills his parents. Instead of killing Liu like he originally did, he tells his brother how much he loves him before he runs away.
* BigLippedAlligatorMoment: The cops
* BrokenBase:
* SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments:
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Deleted line(s) 1 (click to see context) :
old.''
Changed line(s) 4 (click to see context) from:
* BrokenBase: The official remake was no less divisive; while pretty much everybody agreed it was superior to the original, many noted that this wasn't exactly a difficult task and that many flaws remained; the bullies are still as evil and one-dimensional for the most part, the abusive parents come off as extremely generic, the police are still brainless idiots- made worse in this instance since they are totally irrelevant to the story- and the fact that Jeff still isn't that scary. Others noted that the author didn't exactly have the best of source material and he did the best with what he had.
to:
* BrokenBase: BrokenBase: The official remake was no less divisive; while pretty much everybody agreed it was superior to the original, many noted that this wasn't exactly a difficult task and that many flaws remained; the bullies are still as evil and one-dimensional for the most part, the abusive parents come off as extremely generic, the police are still brainless idiots- made worse in this instance since they are totally irrelevant to the story- and the fact that Jeff still isn't that scary. Others noted that the author didn't exactly have the best of source material and he did the best with what he had.
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Added DiffLines:
old.''
* AuthorsSavingThrow: Jeff is less by having him kill only his parents (who are intentionally [[HateSink less sympathetic]]) and sparing Liu, with little implication Jeff will kill anyone else.
* BigLippedAlligatorMoment: The cops are a minor example in the official remake. They only serve two purposes: to provide tension between Jeff and his parents, and to practically say "Everyone's on Randy's side".
* BrokenBase: The official remake was no less divisive; while pretty much everybody agreed it was superior to the original, many noted that this wasn't exactly a difficult task and that many flaws remained; the bullies are still as evil and one-dimensional for the most part, the abusive parents come off as extremely generic, the police are still brainless idiots- made worse in this instance since they are totally irrelevant to the story- and the fact that Jeff still isn't that scary. Others noted that the author didn't exactly have the best of source material and he did the best with what he had.
* SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments: The remake has a surprisingly heartwarming moment after Jeff kills his parents. Instead of killing Liu like he originally did, he tells his brother how much he loves him before he runs away.
* AuthorsSavingThrow: Jeff is less by having him kill only his parents (who are intentionally [[HateSink less sympathetic]]) and sparing Liu, with little implication Jeff will kill anyone else.
* BigLippedAlligatorMoment: The cops are a minor example in the official remake. They only serve two purposes: to provide tension between Jeff and his parents, and to practically say "Everyone's on Randy's side".
* BrokenBase: The official remake was no less divisive; while pretty much everybody agreed it was superior to the original, many noted that this wasn't exactly a difficult task and that many flaws remained; the bullies are still as evil and one-dimensional for the most part, the abusive parents come off as extremely generic, the police are still brainless idiots- made worse in this instance since they are totally irrelevant to the story- and the fact that Jeff still isn't that scary. Others noted that the author didn't exactly have the best of source material and he did the best with what he had.
* SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments: The remake has a surprisingly heartwarming moment after Jeff kills his parents. Instead of killing Liu like he originally did, he tells his brother how much he loves him before he runs away.
