History WesternAnimation / DrKatzProfessionalTherapist

--> '''Larry Miller''': Women say, "We look at guys sexually, too."\\
'''Dr. Katz''': Well, they do.\\
'''Larry Miller''': Women have ''NO IDEA''. If women had any idea, even for an instant, how we ''really'' looked at them, they would ''never'' stop slapping us.

--> '''Steven Wright''': That one always confused me; if you were throwing stones in ''any'' house, it would be damaging.

--> '''Dr. Katz''': (irritated) Just round it up, Ben, just say the figure.
--> '''Ben''': (sighs) $1,000.
--> '''Dr. Katz''': UP.
--> '''Ben''': Oh, round it ''up''.
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Up and off.

* AskAStupidQuestion: In a therapy session with Joy Behar:
--> '''Joy''': I just wanna eat everything.\\
'''Dr. Katz''': And you're afraid if you eat too much, you'll get fat?\\
'''Joy''': (sarcastic) No, I'm afraid if I eat too much, I'll get thin. What's wrong with you??\\
'''Dr. Katz''': Um...\\
'''Joy''': I mean really, what kind of doctor asks a stupid question like that?

--> '''Emo''': (sighs) Oh boy, that's a tough one. I would have to say..... the animals.

--> '''Jeff''': No I'm gonna wear it out. I have a job interview in an hour, so can you hurry up before I make doody caca in my diaper, you freak of nature?\\
'''Dr. Katz''': You told ''her''.

--> '''Ben''': "What's the first thing you reach for in the morning?" It can be specific, or...\\
'''Laura''': The snooze button?

--> '''Gilbert''': ''(as writer)'' Okay, here's the idea: A group of soldiers held in a Nazi prison camp. IT'S A COMEDY! ''(as exec)'' Hmm, that's interesting. Tell me more. ''(as writer)'' Well, okay. You see, these soldiers are imprisoned by the Nazis behind barbed wire, and if they try to escape, they'll be shot! ''(as exec)'' I love it! It's a laugh riot!

--> '''Gilbert''': (as Gleason) You're gettin' on that plane with Vic Laszlo! Oh you're gettin' on that plane all right! 'Cause I know that you know that I know that you're gettin' on that plane!

--> '''Bill''': I was supposed to get braces when I was a little kid, but my parents didn't have enough money... left over from their trip.

--> '''Dr. Katz''': [[IResembleThatRemark I'm not trying to prolong your treatment, I'm just trying to give you.............. help.]]

--> '''Dr. Katz''': Remember when I said this contest had no losers?\\
'''Ben''': Yeah?\\
(Dr. Katz shrugs and smiles; Ben laughs)

--> '''Dr. Katz''': I remember her love, and her laughter... (trying to keep from cracking up) and her love of laughter.

--> '''Ben''': It's a Monte Carlo, like the Count.\\
'''Dr. Katz''': That's Cristo.\\
'''Ben''': Like the oil?\\
'''Dr. Katz''': No, that's Crisco.\\
'''Ben''': Like the Count?\\
'''Dr. Katz''': No, that's... that's Carlo.\\
'''Ben''': Like the car?

--> '''Dr. Katz''': That's adding insult to injury. That's like pouring salt on an open wound.
--> '''Gavin''': Any other cliches you'd like to throw my way?
--> '''Dr. Katz''': That's like... I was gonna say that was like a stitch in time, but that doesn't apply.
--> '''Gavin''': No it doesn't.
--> '''Dr. Katz''': But let's bury the hatchet.
--> '''Gavin''': Okay.

--> '''Dr. Katz''': Freud said it's the dr-
--> '''Gilbert''': He said this to you ''personally''?? I didn't know the two of you knew each other.
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Freud said it's the dreamer-
--> '''Gilbert''': But him being Freud, shouldn't you speak with a German accent?
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Well, this was ''years'' ago.
--> '''Gilbert''': Oh, so he didn't ''have'' the German accent back then.

* ConspiracyTheorist: Dom Irrera.
--> '''Dom''': People say I'm paranoid, right? Well maybe ''you'd'' be a little paranoid if there was a world organization bent on your destruction.
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Is this... is this your UNICEF theory again??

--> '''Tom''': (as an anchorman) Today's earthquake out in the desert was a 1.9, just a small temblor, according to seismologists at UCLA. But what if it had been a 9.1? Would you survive? Would your family survive? Our 25-part series "surviving the big one" starts this week on channel 7 news. We urge you and your family to watch! What if the big quake hit? What if you were working in a store that sold nothing but sharp jagged knives made of glass? Would you survive? Would your family survive??

* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: During Dr. Katz's eulogy speech in "Mourning Person":
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Estelle had... 92 great years. And by my count that's... 92 great years.

--> '''Dr. Katz''': Me, my administrative assistant... and me. And my big feet.

--> '''Laura''': Wait a second... you're filling out "change of address" forms and you don't even know where you're moving??\\
'''Ben''': ...You know, it sounds crazy when you say it.

--> '''Dom''': You ever see a toupee that's so unbelievably bad, you just wanna say, "Hey gimme that thing! Who do you think you're foolin', pal? Who do you think you're foolin'? You could've at least had the decency to close the eyes of the animal who gave his furry little life for you, mat-head, with that pelt. Look at that face." Maybe that's the idea: You get a toupee that's ''so bad'', nobody cares. You just get one with a chin strap and a big label turned up in the back.

--> '''Dr. Katz''': I think that you should be thrilled that your father, at the age of 48, is finally pursuing a healthy, full relationship with a...\\
'''Ben''': With a-\\
'''Dr. Katz''': ...With a teen, a happy-go-lucky teen! ''(Ben laughs)''

--> '''Dr. Katz''': I have three apples. You have two apples. I give you one of my apples. Do we now have the same number of apples? (Ben is silent) See, this is why I wish I had sent you to a private school.

--> '''Ben''': Think about it, the same person sitting across from you day in and day out? Every stupid thing he says, every ''boring story he tells''...
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Why do you keep saying "he", "he", "he", you're talking about ''me''-
--> '''Ben''': Oh my GOD, I'm sick of the way you talk.

--> '''Dr. Katz''': You know, I think part of your...\\
'''Bobby Slayton''': Charm?\\
'''Dr. Katz''': I was gonna say "dilemma".\\
'''Bobby Slayton''': All right.\\
'''Dr. Katz''': Can we come back to the charm?\\
'''Bobby Slayton''': Sure.

* GetOut: In "Phone Luv", Ben repeatedly says this to Dr. Katz when he wants some privacy on the phone with Cindy.
--> '''Ben''': Just use the (bleep)ing door!

--> '''Don''': She didn't die; we just said, "Get the hell out."

--> '''Dom''': You're not the one calling me and hanging up, are ya?
--> '''Dr. Katz''': No.
--> '''Dom''': 'Cause it sounds like your breath.

--> '''Ray''': Do you ever watch two men go to the movies? They never want to sit right next to each other; there's always that "I'm a heterosexual!" empty seat right there! "There's my friend, my heterosexual friend! (mutters gibberish) Headlock!"

--> '''Janeane''': "All doors that were open will now be closed. I'm going to get married to the guy whose locker happened to be next to mine, in the ninth grade." I don't think you should be allowed to get married until you're thirty-five.
* HitMeDammit: During the closing credits of "Cholesterol", we hear Dr. Katz proud of himself for getting through some push-ups. With a new-found sense of pride about himself, he asks Julie to hit him in the stomach. After trying to back out of it, Julie finally hits him, and Dr. Katz is heard keeling over.
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Tell Laura to call 911. (Julie laughs) [[IneffectualDeathThreat I'll kill you. I will kill you.]]

--> '''Todd''': Uh... did you want to rent a porno movie?
--> '''Ben''': No. I mean, ''yes''.... listen, I gotta teach a guy how to waltz.

--> '''Laura''': ''(on phone)'' Dr. Katz's office.\\
'''Ben''': ''(quietly)'' Listen close and listen hard, I'm only gonna say this once.\\
'''Laura''': What?\\
'''Ben''': I said, "Listen close and listen hard, I'm only gonna say this once."\\
'''Laura''': Can you speak up, please?\\
'''Ben''': ''(annoyed)'' I said, "Listen close and listen hard, I'm only gonna say this once!"

--> '''Caroline''': (as kid) How did you and daddy meet? (as herself) Well, dear, I was walking down the street one day, and your father screamed the most disgusting things to me! Oh... something about wanting to eat his lunch off my ass. I fell in love with him and the rest is history.

--> '''Dr. Katz''': It's just, you constantly interrupt me.
--> '''Ben''': First of all, I do not constantly interrupt you. (Dr. Katz begins to speak, but Ben interrupts him) What I was about to say...

--> '''Paul''': Ooh, rocket pack! Oh, another glorious rocket pack day! Oh, thank you God, I gotta strap it on! Rocket pack!

--> '''Ben''': Are hot flashes bad?
--> '''Dr. Katz''': ''I'll'' give ya a hot flash...

--> '''Richard''': Sunday, ''Sunday''! Attention, church fans: At the Church of the Independent Suspension, see "Big Daddy" Monsignor Murphy take on the devil himself! That's right: It's the "The priest from the east" versus "the thunder from down under", it's all happening at 12 o'clock mass, this Sunday! ''SUNDAY''!!!

--> '''Ben''': I don't even know who you are anymore, dad. You're not the man I married.

--> '''Louie''': Give me a beer and a bottle of whiskey and a room for a week and a steak dinner and a shave and a haircut and a bath and some new clothes and a hat and some boots and some oats for my horse and a woman, and here, keep the change. ''Bing!''

--> '''Dr. Katz''': Well that's good. I mean, not that it ever crossed my address- my mind- never addressed that issue in my mind. But, uh, I have to get going now because I don't go ''directly'' home, you know what I mean? I don't know why I'm telling you this...

--> '''Ben''': $500, baby! Read 'em and sleep!

--> '''Ted''': So I'm single, and occasionally I get the question, "So what are you, gay?" Which bothers me, not because I am gay or have anything against being gay, but why does it immediately have to be ''that''? You know, ''Franchise/{{Batman}}'', ''Franchise/{{Superman}}'', ''they'' were single. Did you ever think of that? I might be a superhero?\\
'''Dr. Katz''': No, you're absolutely.... ''[[FlatWhat what]]''??

--> '''Laura''': (as the Irish boyfriend) Always complaining about how bad your life is; why don't ya change it? You know you're the author of your own fate. (as herself) And I was like, "God, he's right! I ''am'' the otter of my own fat!"

--> '''Ted''': ''(as a kid)'' "It's ''for witch's stand, one Asian wonderbra."

--> '''Dr. Katz''': He was ''so'' stupid.

--> '''Dr. Katz''': Kiss my ass!
--> '''Ben''': Same to you; here it is. (pulls down pants)
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Lookin' good!

--> '''Mike''': The music's what's flippin' him out: "AAAH!!!" (hums psychedelic rock music)

--> '''Dr. Katz''': I think I look... I dunno... cool?\\
'''Ben''': No? No.\\
'''Dr. Katz''': I'm just throwing it out.

--> '''Dave''': Oh, baby mixes his letters up? Awww, poor baby! Tell ''that'' to the man in the iron lung.

--> '''Ben''': What would make it more like a date to you?
--> '''Laura''': If you were a different guy, I guess.

--> '''Bob''': That would be fun for me, instead of hurting. No more hurting.

--> '''Emo''': But when you try to go ''further'' with her... (exasperated sigh) you know.

--> '''Lizz''': "Honey, your father and I LOVE sex! God, I can't stop mounting, your daddy's a BEAST!" I would never stop throwing up.

--> '''Aquaman''': Hello, fish!
--> '''Fish''': Hi, Aquaman!
--> '''Aquaman''': Have you seen anything unusual in the water?
--> '''Fish''': ......Hi, Aquaman!

--> '''Jann''': (as a women's basketball player) Yeah I slam dunked that [motherfucker]!

--> '''Ben''': (Fuck) the oath. Who cares?

--> '''Barry''': (on cell phone) Barry, what the (bleep) is going on? I'm standin' outside this theater for two (bleep)ing hours, and I'm (bleep)in' my head, and I'm thinkin', what, did you die? Do I go in? Do I go out?

--> '''Emo''': One afternoon, I'm walking home from school, and I'm watching a young man building a new house. And the guy hammering on the roof calls me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code.

* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: In "Movies", Dr. Katz and Ben play a game where they pitch movie ideas to each other. Ben proceeds to insult Katz in his pitch, but it's more facetious than deadly serious:
--> '''Ben''': It's the story about a father and son. And, the father-
--> '''Dr. Katz''': So far, so good.
--> '''Ben''': ...The father in this movie constantly squishes the son's dreams. And, the father is a bad person; he's bald ... and bad. It's called "Endless Yapper", and it stars you.
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Nnnnnext!

--> '''Dom''': Thanks a lot, doc, thanks for ''nothing''! I never paid for "nothing" before; it's great! Let me dish out some more money for this ''nothing''! I never go into a store and go, "Here's some money, I'll take "nothing"! And yet I come here, every day, and I get ''no'' help. Why do I come back? The odds are, someday you'll help me, just by ''random''!

--> '''Dom''': ''(as Louie)'' Dom, is my head too big for my body? ''(as himself)'' Now what am I gonna say? "Hey, look at the bright side, Louie: A lot of people you can't even recognize from 800 yards, but ''you'', it's like a close-up, every feature, crystal clear! Come here, let me swing from your jowls. Nerve endings don't go that far, do they?

--> '''Dom''': ''(as Louie)'' Hey Dom, I think that waitress noticed me. ''(as himself)'' Yeah, Louie? What do you think that 19-year old ballerina noticed about you, huh? Your big, hairy, sweaty beer belly hangin' over your belt, or that mole comin' out of the middle of your forehead? You think she wanted to jump on your tummy and take love nibbles offa that, Louie? Can you help him, doc?\\
'''Dr. Katz''': Doesn't sound like he ''needs'' any help.\\
'''Dom''': You're a better man than I am, Dr. Katz, Dr. Katz, a better man than I am.

--> '''Dom''': He has no concept of himself, my cousin Louie. He thinks the Mafia's after him, right? He says, "Hey Don, I think the Mafia's after me, to take me down." I say, "Louie, you're 37 years old, you have no money, no job, you live with your mother, the Mafia wouldn't waste stale a mozzarella stick on the back of your greasy, dandruff-filled head. And I don't mean that in a bad way."

--> '''Dr. Katz''': You know what I would recommend, Andy, in this situation, is a paperweight.

--> '''Ben''': Did you sleep with him? ''(Laura hangs up and sighs; the phone rings and she picks up)''\\
'''Laura''': Dr. Katz's office.\\
'''Ben''': Laura, I am so sorry, I got cut off. Did you sleep with him? ''(Laura hangs up; the phone rings again and she picks up)''\\
'''Laura''': Dr. Katz's office.\\
'''Ben''': Laura, I apologize for being so blunt, I was out of line, y'know? Did you have sex- ''(Laura hangs up a third time)''

--> '''Dr. Katz''': This is a depressing... event here. And I haven't even done my eulogy yet.
* SeparatedByACommonLanguage: Jeffrey Ross observed that people have their own pet nicknames for things when they get older.
--> '''Jeffrey''': ''(as his father)'' Put on that show I like. ''Oscar and Bunky''. ''(as himself)'' ''Series/StarskyAndHutch''? ''(as father)'' Yeah, that's the one!

--> '''Jake Johannsen''': Bullsh-\\
'''Dr. Katz''': Ah-\\
'''Jake Johannsen''': Bullsh-\\
'''Dr. Katz''': Hey-\\
'''Jake Johannsen''': Where's the money?!

--> '''Jim''': ''(as angry audience member)'' You think you're all that 'cause you're a big seal and (shit)?

--> '''Emo Phillips''': How do you stop an elephant from charging?\\
'''Laura''': Take away his credit card.\\
'''Emo Phillips''': ...Very good.

--> '''Ben''': Dad, look me right in the eye and tell Laura to ''shut up''.

* TheyCallMeMisterTibbs: In "Reunion", Ben remarks that it's easy for Dr. Katz to attend reunions because his title commands respect. Dr. Katz refutes this:
--> '''Dr. Katz''': People respect people; they don't respect titles. You know what I'm saying?\\
'''Ben''': No.\\
'''Dr. Katz''': Lemme try again. People respect ''people''.\\
'''Ben''': Right.\\
'''Dr. Katz''': People respect me because I'm Jonathan Katz, not because I'm Dr. Katz.\\
'''Ben''': So why do you insist on being called "doctor" all the time?\\
'''Dr. Katz''': [[HypocrisyNod Respect, it's a sign of respect.]] (Ben chuckles)

--> '''Dave''': Katz-\\
'''Dr. Katz''': ''Dr.'' Katz.

--> '''Emo''': The other day, I'm walking here and I say to myself, "My gosh, that's Jimmy Petersen. I haven't seen him since I was nine!" And I walked up to him and I slapped him on the back and I said, "How's it going, you old rascal?" And he starts crying, 'yknow? And I'm thinking, "Wait a second, if ''that's'' Jimmy Petersen, ''he'' would have grown up ''too''."

* ToiletHumour: Dr. Katz on coffee: "I wonder what people did before coffee, if they were just constipated?"

--> '''Dom''': We've all done that; sometimes you don't feel like walkin' upstairs, right? But the protocol is, if you're gonna do it in somebody else's bag, you look away. You use a little discretion. Don't just say: "Eh, here's your bag right here, I'll give ya a bag."
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Right. ({{Beat}}) ...I mean-

--> '''Ben''': I'm glad you included me in your first phone game. I feel honored.\\
'''Dr. Katz''': It's not a game. It's... well, it's a game.

--> '''Ben''': I thought for sure you were gonna turn it around, but ''you didn't''! I mean, I've never heard a eulogy before, but I think it's safe to say that that was the worst eulogy ever given. At the after party, we're splitting up, that's all there is to it.

* YankTheDogsChain: In "Cholesterol", Dr. Katz admits he's embarrassed about showering in front of other guys at the gym. When Stanley asks why:
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Well, what if they make fun of my body?
--> '''Stanley''': Why would they do that? There's nothing wrong with your body.
--> '''Dr. Katz''': ''Thank'' you.
--> '''Stanley''': Not a ''lot''...

--> '''Laura''': Sure.
--> '''Lew''': I'm sorry, because it's just a little-
--> '''Laura''': Oh, to ''you''??

--> '''Dr. Katz''': Damn it, Ben, I hate to say this, I think you have to go to your room. ({{Beat}}) This is a little awkward at your age, but I don't know what else to do.

* {{Mondegreen}}: Invoked by guest Laura Kightlinger. She once dated an Irish guy and because of his thick accent, she often thought he was saying something else:

* HighConcept: Dr. Katz and Ben pitch each other movie ideas in "Movies" in this manner:
--> '''Dr. Katz''': ''Film/TheKarateKid'', but with yoga.

* ItIsPronouncedTropay: Ben argues with Dr. Katz over the pronunciation of "genuine": Is it "genu''ein''" or "genuin"?
** In "Fructose", Stanley calls it "high frucktose corn syrup." Julie corrects him.

''Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist'' is an animated series that originally ran on Creator/ComedyCentral from May 28, 1995 to December 24, 1999, starring Jonathan Katz, Creator/HJonBenjamin, and Creator/LauraSilverman. Produced by Tom Snyder Productions (which would later become [=Soup2Nuts=]), it was the first-ever original animated cartoon series to be shown on Comedy Central, paving the way for ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'' and the like.

* RedshirtReporter: Guest Eddie Brill had a bit about how unfair it is that the meteorologists get to sit in their comfy studio while some unfortunate shmuck has to be in the field, covering really bad weather, yet the meteorologists get paid immensely more money.

* HehHehYouSaidX: Guest Elayne Boosler had a bit about ice cream flavors for dogs. She remarked that if there were an ice cream that tasted like doodie, dogs would be robbing stores with guns. To which Dr. Katz remarked: "You said "doodie"."

[[quoteright:320:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/drkatz.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:320:(left to right) His secretary Laura, Dr. Katz, his son Ben]]

* BeeAfraid: Dr. Katz has a fear of bees; in one episode, he talks about therapy that is supposed to cure you of your phobia. For Katz, the final step is to put him in a room with thousands of bees. He couldn't get past the first step, which was putting him in a room with a dead horse.

--> '''Dr. Katz''': People respect people; they don't respect titles. You know what I'm saying?
--> '''Ben''': No.
--> '''Dr. Katz''': Lemme try again. People respect ''people''.
--> '''Ben''': Right.
--> '''Dr. Katz''': People respect me because I'm Jonathan Katz, not because I'm Dr. Katz.
--> '''Ben''': So why do you insist on being called "doctor" all the time?
--> '''Dr. Katz''': [[HypocrisyNod Respect, it's a sign of respect.]] (Ben chuckles)

--> '''Dave''': Katz-
--> '''Dr. Katz''': ''Dr.'' Katz.

* InstantSeduction: Guest Caroline Rhea did a routine about what would happen if women actually married construction workers who shouted come-ons to them:

''Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist'' is an animated series that originally ran on Creator/ComedyCentral from May 28, 1995 to December 24, 1999, starring Jonathan Katz, Creator/HJonBenjamin, and Laura Silverman. Produced by Tom Snyder Productions (which would later become [=Soup2Nuts=]), it was the first-ever original animated cartoon series to be shown on Comedy Central, paving the way for ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'' and the like.

* YourCheatingHeart: Dom Irrera had a joke in "Glasses":
--> '''Dom''': I love my girlfriend, and I love her very dearly. And my only wish is that her and my wife would get along. You see what I'm sayin'?
** One of Garry Shandling's bits was about how loyal he is, even with his pets. His biggest fear in life is coming home after being at another person's house who has a dog, and his dog questions him:
--> "Where the hell have you been?" "Look, all I did was throw him the ball. I swear."

* SuddenlySexuality: In "Movies", guest Sam Brown joked that he's one bad relationship away from turning gay. He could see himself marching in a gay pride parade chanting: "I'm here, I'm not queer, but at least someone's paying attention to me, so get over it!"

* FauxtivationalPoster: "Hang in there!"

'''Ben''': ''(quietly)'' Listen close and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once.\\

'''Ben''': I said, "Listen close and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once."\\
'''Laura''': I still can't hear you.\\
'''Ben''': ''(annoyed)'' I said, "Listen close and listen well, I'm only gonna say this once!"

* {{Padding}}: "Day Planner" ended up this way, largely because guest Rodney Dangerfield only gave the staff about three minutes of material to work with. This is why there are two other guest stars in the episode, to make up for the shortage of Rodney material.

The show was computer animated in a crude, easily recognizable style called SquiggleVision, in which all persons and animate objects are colored and have constantly squiggling outlines, while all other inanimate objects are static and usually gray in color. The show also utilized "retroscripting", where each episode has a basic outline but the actors improvise the dialogue. This technique would also be used on ''WesternAnimation/EdEddNEddy'' and ''WesternAnimation/HomeMovies''.

The show was computer animated in a crude, easily recognizable style called SquiggleVision, in which all persons and animate objects are colored and have constantly squiggling outlines, while all other inanimate objects are static and usually gray in color. The show also utilized "retroscripting", where each episode has a basic outline but the actors improvise the dialogue. This technique would also be used on ''WesternAnimation/HomeMovies''.

* LimitedAnimation