History Website / TheHardTimes

-->"When people see this trailer, we want them to have nightmares about it," said Lionsgate marketing head Damon Wolf. "There is absolutely nothing more terrifying than hearing the song your mother sang to you every night, but like, scary. You're going to piss your pants the next time you walk into a daycare, just wait and see."

* TwoDecadesBehind: Parodied in "[[https://thehardtimes.net/blog/we-spoke-with-rivers-cuomo-about-what-its-like-to-be-a-teen-growing-up-in-2021/ We Spoke With Rivers Cuomo About What It's Like Being a Teen Growing Up In 2021]]". Cuomo, who as the article points out is in his 50's whose band Music/{{Weezer}} was at peak popularity in the late 90's/early 2000's, talks at length about "teen things" more relevant to that era than today, like using AOL instant messenger or just wanting to party.
--> Is that stuff still happening to you? Why are you so frequently around lockers? Wait, that's not important. What about mass shootings? We literally have kids bringing guns to school and killing their classmates.

* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: During the 2020 Presidential Election, ''Hard Drive'' posted the article [[https://thehardtimes.net/harddrive/gamer-sick-of-two-console-system/ "Gamer Sick of Two-Console System,"]] about a gamer who finds it pointless to [[UsefulNotes/ConsoleWars choose between Sony and Microsoft]] ("At the end of the game, they're both just angry old men who want to kill stuff") but can't go TakeAThirdOption with Nintendo because all the games are made for the main two systems so it's basically "throwing your gaming away." It also features an "independent gamer" who insists upon playing on Nintendo and the UsefulNotes/RaspberryPi to make true change in the gaming industry.

In 2020, the founders launched another SpinOff site, ''[[https://hard-money.net/ Hard Money]]'', which parodies financial news and finance bro culture.

* FanworkOnlyFans: "[[https://hard-drive.net/huge-earthbound-fan-excited-play-first-time/ Huge Earthbound Fan Excited to Play It for First Time]]" features a hardcore fan of VideoGame/{{Earthbound}} that did nothing but write a blog about it for years until finally deciding to play it. As a parody of this phenomenon, he only started to like the game by the point it had already become a CultClassic, and envies the people who managed to get it for cheap when it came out.

* HasTwoMommies: "[[https://thehardtimes.net/blog/find-statistically-unlikely-dads-gay/ I Find it Statistically Unlikely that Both My Dads Are Gay]]". The author of the piece is shocked and surprised that the two men who raised him together are in fact gay and in a loving romantic and sexual relationship with each other. The punchline indicates that he also has two moms.

* FanworkOnlyFans: "[[https://hard-drive.net/huge-earthbound-fan-excited-play-first-time/ Huge Earthbound Fan Excited to Play It for First Time]]" features a hardcore fan of VideoGame/Earthbound that did nothing but write a blog about it for years until finally deciding to play it. As a parody of this phenomenon, he only started to like the game by the point it had already become a CultClassic, and envies the people who managed to get it for cheap when it came out.

* HasTwoMommies: "[[https://thehardtimes.net/blog/find-statistically-unlikely-dads-gay/ I Find it Statistically Unlikely that Both My Dads Are Gay]]". The author of the piece is shocked and suprised that the two men who raised him together are in fact gay and in a loving romantic and sexual relationship with each other. The punchline indicates that he also has two moms.

* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: During the 2020 Presidential Election, ''Hard Drive'' posted the article [[https://thehardtimes.net/harddrive/gamer-sick-of-two-console-system/ "Gamer Sick of Two-Console System,"]] about a gamer who finds it pointless to [[UsefulNotes/ConsoleWars choose between Sony and Microsoft]] ("At the end of the game, they're both just angry old men who want to kill stuff") but can't go TakeAThirdOption with Nintendo because all the games are made for the main two systems so it's basically "throwing your gaming away." It also features an "independent gamer" who insists upon playing Nintendo and the obscure console Raspberry Pi to make true change in the gaming industry.

* NotSoDifferent: "[[https://thehardtimes.net/culture/united-love-beer-punks-jocks-finally-make-peace/ United by Love of Beer, Punks and Jocks Finally Make Peace]]". In the article, longstanding arch-enemies punks and jocks hold a peace conference after they realize they both like beer (and trucker hats, and went to the same schools, and were basically the same exact person just in different clothes).

* HoYay: [[invoked]] Discussed in [[https://thehardtimes.net/culture/theyre-actually-in-purgatory-reports-every-single-fan-theory/ this article]], where the punchline to an article about speculative fan theories, where the ultimate fan theory is that "every pair of attractive male characters secretly want to fuck each other" for every single pice of fiction.

* NoTrueScotsman: One article parodies the gatekeeping arguments about what is and isn't punk by claiming punk only existed for six months in 1977, before permanently ending.