History Website / NotAlwaysLegal

** "Crazy" is an understatement for [[https://notalwaysright.com/drive-thru-samaritan/115320/ a driver]] who ''continues to drive the wrong way down a drive-thru after it becomes obvious he can't make it without hitting anything, scraping several cars in the process''. The worst part is that he seems somewhat aware of it; before he does this this, another driver tells him he'll have to reverse, and he [[MadnessMantra repeatedly says "I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm sorry ma'am. I'm sorry ma'am," in perfect monotone]].

** "Crazy" is an understatement for [[https://notalwaysright.com/drive-thru-samaritan/115320/ a driver]] who ''continues to drive the wrong way down a drive-thru after it becomes obvious he can't make it without hitting anything, scraping several cars in the process''. The worst part is that he seems somewhat aware of it; before doing this, another driver tells him he'll have to reverse, and the submitter [[MadnessMantra repeatedly says "I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm sorry ma'am. I'm sorry ma'am," in perfect monotone]].

** "Crazy" is an understatement for [[https://notalwaysright.com/drive-thru-samaritan/115320/ a driver]] who ''continues to drive the wrong way down a drive-thru after it becomes obvious he can't make it without hitting anything, scraping several cars in the process''. The worst part is that he seems somewhat aware of it; before doing this, he repeatedly apologizes when another driver tells him he'll have to reverse, and the submitter says he did so in perfect monotone.

* IRejectYourReality: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-for-some-employee-rehabilitation/263853/ this story]], a client runs away from a drug rehabilitation center and gives a random phone number as contact information before doing so, resulting in an employee at the rehabilitation center barraging another woman (the submitter) with calls telling her to turn herself in no matter how much she and her husband tell them that she is not the person they are looking for. They end up going to the police with the submitter's identification material and the deputy is able to prove that the woman is not the runaway woman, but even when confronted with this evidence the employee insists that she must have forged ''every'' piece of ID and is still trying to throw them off her trail. The employee ends up being fired from the center and forced to pay a fines for harassment and restitution to the submitter because they still refuse to believe the submitter is not the runaway.

** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-forty-thousand-dollar-whoopsie/247285/ this story]], the submitter's friend is scammed out of $40,000 by an unscrupulous client. The client flees to Europe after withdrawing his fraudulent earnings, and the submitter notes that as of the last time they spoke with their friend, the police have neither caught the fraudster, while the bank who accepted the double-dip has not returned the friend's money to him.

* LifesavingMisfortune: The submitter attends [[https://notalwaysright.com/dodging-multiple-bullets-at-once/304691/ a party]] that a frat is throwing to celebrate the construction of their new deck. After returning from the bathroom and drinking her drink, it's obvious that she's just been roofied, so seeking refuge she leaves the party and goes to sleep underneath a parked car. She wakes back up to a disaster area - it turned out that while she was asleep, the deck collapsed, resulting in numerous injuries, including burns on people set on fire by the grill, and the police had arrested basically everybody they could involved, having missed her because of her choice of sleeping spot. As the title notes, she dodged multiple bullets that night: Not being on the deck when it collapsed, not being in the party when the police came in, not being sexually assaulted by whoever drugged her drink, and not being run over by the car she was sleeping underneath.

* ManBitesMan: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/if-the-police-need-more-they-could-match-her-teeth-to-the-bitemark/317903/ this story]], a drunk woman takes a chomp out of the submitter when he refuses to let her into a bar she's been kicked out of.

* MuggingTheMonster: ''Egad'', is [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-mother-of-all-mama-bears/219798/ THIS story]] every parent's worst nightmare. The submitter drives home from work to find his house surrounded by police cars and ambulances and learns that his son was almost kidnapped by a drugged up man, who was armed and broke in through his step-daughter's bedroom (thankfully, said step-daughter was away at her biological father's house at the time). Fortunately, the submitter's new wife is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu champion and foiled the kidnapping before anything bad happened. What's worse, though, is that the druggie knew where they lived through the submitter's ex-wife, who was in drug rehab with the man, befriended him, and told him about how she ended up in rehab, including dropping names. After leaving, the man immediately fell off the wagon and, while bombed out of his mind, remembered the ex-wife's son, figured out where he lived through the names the ex-wife gave him, and decided to go take him to see her in the middle of the night. The ex-wife, who had nothing to do with the attempted kidnapping, is just as mortified at what happened as her ex-husband was, profusely thanks the new wife for protecting her son, and is more careful about giving away names in the future.

* MyRuleFuIsStrongerThanYours: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/everythings-coming-up-sunflowers/231544/ this story]] (originally posted on Reddit), a man goes to a lawyer to see if there's any way he can stop his [=HOA=] from making him remove the sunflowers he'd planted around the house. The lawyer found that sunflowers were on the (extremely long) list of banned plants, but whoever had originally drawn up the list (and not just written "no plants without prior permission" in order to bill more hours) had left out corn. So the guy digs up his sunflowers... and in their place plants obnoxiously big and ugly cornstalks, which the [=HOA=] can't fine him for because corn was technically allowed. He eventually agreed to take down the corn, in exchange for the [=HOA=] letting him keep his sunflowers.
* MyopicArchitecture: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/always-trust-the-experts/274995/ this story]], a jewelry store replaces its front display window by a large and thick sheet of Lexan[[note]]very expensive, tough and bulletproof transparent polymer[[/note]] but refuses to replaces the framework surrounding the front window (a task suggested by the contractor installing the Lexan window, but which they couldn't do themselves). A week later, the jewelry was robbed by thieves who drilled into corners of the windows then ripped it from the facade by pulling it with a large vehicle. The window was lying almost undamaged on the street (minus some minor scratches and the holes drilled by the crooks). Linking this new window to a proper, appropriate framework would have resulted in a structure solid enough to not allow the window to be ripped this way from the facade.

** The submitter of [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-hamburg-baby-burglar/258409/ this story]] offers to take care of their neighbor's baby while said neighbor is frantically attempting to contact a friend of theirs whose kitchen is on fire, and takes the baby into their home to get them away from the smoke and all the noise of the emergency services. It slips their mind that they forgot to tell the neighbor where they were going, the neighbor forgot to tell the submitter somewhere specific to take their baby, and once the neighbor manages to affirm the safety of their friend, they've completely forgotten allowing the submitter to take their baby at all, with her stressed mind leaping straight to kidnapping. The emergency response quickly forms an enormous search party which thankfully isn't required as the police quickly sort things out while carrying out door-to-door enquiries.

* PrecisionFStrike: [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-in-the-actual-f/310129/ This story]] manages to get one out of the site staff, who have only been able to title it "WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F***". To whit, the submitter discovers that the man they bought their house from a few years previously has been living in a secret underground bunker on the property the whole time, siphoning power and water, and has camera feeds from the house itself (supposedly so he could time his arrivals and departures to avoid being seen, but both the submitter and the judge in the court case agree there's no way he wasn't just being a creep).

** As the comments point out, [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-justice-jumps-to-judge-jurors/119159/ the seemingly harsh judge in this story]] ''is'' following the rules of jury selection. Schedule conflicts (lack of transportation, disability, lack of childcare, upcoming surgery etc.) only need to be documented and resolved before the selection; however, a genuine conflict of interests with the case (such as the charges being a TraumaButton or otherwise hitting too close to home, as was the case for the submitter) ''requires'' immediate disqualification, and failure to do so could get the case overturned on appeal.

** After hitting a bicyclist, [[https://notalwaysright.com/share-the-road-people/233330/ this driver]] lies every way she can to [[NeverMyFault avoid being found at fault]]... except every lie she comes up with involves her violating traffic laws anyway. Her employer also finds out, since she was driving a company vehicle, and fires her for not taking responsibility for the accident.

---> You should have seen her face when I called him Dad.

** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-fiesta-came-to-a-crashing-halt/242444/ A music store employee]] does absolutely nothing when a shoplifter leaves with an armload of [=CDs=]...until the submitter informs him that the thief damaged his car while leaving the parking lot, at which point the employee almost bowls the submitter over running out the door to check on his car.

** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-s-where-you-eat-or-rob-where-you-work/249849/ This one]] robbed her own workplace with her boyfriend... still in uniform and wearing her nametag.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/so-stupid-it-should-be-criminal/271124/ This story]] describes two separate instances of a genius deciding to rob someone...''at a'' '''''police convention''''', first with someone trying to rob the front desk at the hotel hosting the convention, and then someone trying to rob a retired police chief at a different one. Both times, the crook is apprehended and arrested in a matter of seconds.

** [[https://notalwaysright.com/customers-who-should-be-fired-as-customers-exhibit-a/299213/ This entitled customer]] starts yelling at a former worker (the OP) at a small store, thinking they are still employed and just trying to take all the imported American candy[[note]]the story takes place in Denmark[[/note]] for themselves. A shouting match ensues, causing a concerned customer (hearing the yelling and the word "steal" repeated several times) to bring two police officers over, catching the OP [[NotWhatItLooksLike in the middle of shouting at the customer]]. The OP almost certainly would have been the one to get in trouble...if not for the customer deciding to spitefully slap the OP in the face and then punch them in the stomach right in sight of the cops. The customer is handcuffed on the spot and the OP is not even questioned by the officers.

-->'''Officer:''' “11-10, be advised, suspect is now armed and attempting to flee.”

* UnwantedAssistance: [[https://notalwaysright.com/sovereign-citizen-stupid-coworker/238448/ This sovereign citizen]][[note]]people who think the Fourteenth Amendment invalidated the entire United States government, [[InsaneTrollLogic making them their own country and above the law]][[/note]] gets his coworker, the submitter, pulled over by causing him to blow a stop sign, then tries to prevent the submitter from cooperating with the officer because he thinks his pseudolegal WordSaladPhilosophy invalidates traffic laws. The submitter, fed up with his coworker's babbling about maritime law, ends up ''exploding'' and threatening to ask the officer to arrest him.

* TheAllegedCar: The submitter of [[https://notalwaysright.com/bad-management-really-revs-my-anger-engines/277602/ this story]] has to buy "a stinker of a secondhand car" because their boss is randomly changing schedules, preventing them from using public transport, in order to constructively dismiss the old employees. The car is so terrible that a year later, it develops a fault that forces them to gun the engine to start it properly, resulting in the now-unemployed and paranoid former boss calling the police on them because she's convinced they were threatening her.

* TheAllegedCar: The submitter of [[https://notalwaysright.com/bad-management-really-revs-my-anger-engines/277602/ this story]] has to buy "a stinker of a secondhand car" because their boss is randomly changing schedules, preventing them from using public transport, in order to constructively dismiss the old employees. The car is so terrible that a year later, it develops a fault that forces them to gun the engine to start it properly, resulting in the now-unemployed and paranoid boss calling the police on them because she's convinced they were threatening her.

* AllGirlsWantBadBoys: The "I can fix him" variant is taken to toxic extremes by the submitter's cousin in [[https://notalwaysright.com/theres-patience-and-then-theres-whatever-this-is/220891/ this story]], who insists that a foster care child they're friends with just needs a friend to steer them on the right path... even as he commits progressively more heinous crimes with or without the cousin's influence. They end up getting married while he's in prison for attempting to rob a pharmacy at gunpoint, and the cousin ''still'' thinks he's a good guy at heart.

** "Crazy" is an understatement for [[https://notalwaysright.com/drive-thru-samaritan/115320/ a driver]] who ''continues to drive the wrong way down a drive-thru after it becomes obvious he can't make it without hitting anything, scraping several cars in the process''. The worst part is that he seems somewhat aware of it; before doing this, he repeatedly apologizes to the driver telling him he'll have to reverse, and the submitter says he did so in perfect monotone.

* VillainousBreakdown: [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-run-a-homeowners-association-not-a-country/309204/ This power-tripping Homeowners Association Head]], after being taken to court for towing away the submitter's classic cars for allegedly being in a state of disrrepair, loses the lawsuit when the submitter shows the judge that their cars are in good condition and that the HOA Head's car is clearly worse condition. The HOA head responds by going ballistic, ranting about [[RedScare communism]] and batshit conspiracy theories until the judge finds him in contempt and he spends the weekend in jail.

* StrangeMindsThinkAlike: When [[https://notalwaysright.com/professors-gonna-get-crabby/311202/ this law class]] is asked for examples of a no-fault criminal offense, he finds out the hard way that a previous syllabus had changed to include a leading no-fault case involving fishermen catching underage lobsters, and it was the only case that the students could remember.

-->'''Professor:''' “Does anyone have any ''non''-lobster-related examples?”

* [[https://notalwaysright.com/his-attitude-ran-out-of-gas-real-fast/312113/ This jerk]] parks his expensive sports car in the middle of the road, and loudly antagonizes a cop… when he's driving on a suspended license and has a warrant out for his arrest for not showing up to a court date.

* PoliceAreUseless: The officer in [[https://notalwaysright.com/mess-with-the-cub-you-get-the-papa-bears-claws/233916/ this story]] doesn't even bother writing down the submitter's statement when she is groped, asks questions that implicitly victim-blame her, and then doesn't bother to follow up on it.

* DoubleStandardAbuseFemaleOnMale: The submitter's older sister in [[https://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-you-call-bad-blood/310130/ this story]] gets away with violently abusing the submitter for years because the parents shrug off a girl hurting a boy. It's only when she breaks the submitter's leg that CPS gets involved and threatens to take custody of them both that the parents shape up.

* AnArmAndALeg: [[https://notalwaysright.com/hes-no-longer-fully-armed/144485/ This teen]] ends up having his arm amputated after a "prank" gone wrong results in his knife going into his own shoulder and the wound becoming infected.

* DracoInLeatherPants: [[InvokedTrope Invoked]] by the submitter's cousin in [[https://notalwaysright.com/theres-patience-and-then-theres-whatever-this-is/220891/ this story]], who insists that a foster care child they're friends with just needs a friend to steer them on the right path... even as he commits progressively more heinous crimes with or without the cousin's influence. They end up getting married while he's in prison for attempting to rob a pharmacy at gunpoint, and the cousin ''still'' thinks he's a good guy at heart.