History WarpThatAesop / Disney

** If you have a bear form, bears will learn to be [[AllAnimalsAreDogs friendly to your human form too]] by seeing your transformation.

''WesternAnimation/TheFoxAndTheHound'': The worst that could happen if you get hit by a train is a broken leg.

* ''WesternAnimation/TheLittleMermaid1989'':
** A DealWithTheDevil is A-OK as long as the ends justify the means.
** Guys want girls who look pretty and don't talk, and girls only want guys who look handsome and have money.

* ''WesternAnimation/MarsNeedsMoms'':
** Never be a well-behaved child, Martians will kidnap and destroy your mother.
** Never be a good parent, Martians will kidnap and kill you.
** Men only want to play and are incapable of contributing to society, so they should all be thrown away.

* ''WesternAnimation/MeetTheRobinsons'':
** The future is made entirely out of crack cocaine.
** If you allow your roommate to become sleep deprived, he will be an evil loser in the future who is easily manipulated into creating a {{Dystopia}} by his [[TheManBehindTheMan "friend"]].
** If your friends are depriving you of sleep or mercilessly beating you up to the point of heavy bruising, the most important thing to do is to be tolerant of them. If you raise a fuss, you will be the bad guy and no one will ever like you.
** In addition, if there is such a problem, don't tell your legal guardian who means well because she's likely not going to help you. Instead, tell a random stranger you find poking about your home even if you don't know why he's there or if he can help you at all since his advice is dubious at best.
** It's more than perfectly okay to tell an eleven-year-old orphan time after time again that you'll take him to see his long-lost (and not dead) mother...only to ''rip his goddamn heart out and stomp on it'' by telling him it was a lie, that you had no intentions to even ''bother'' trying to let him see his not-dead mother again. This will, in no way, destroy any friendship you had with the kid.
** If you ever make mistakes and messes, don't worry. Just deny that there is a problem and everything will turn out fine. Trying to clean up after yourself will lead to problems escalating and you'll be chastised for incompetence. Admitting to it will only get you punished.
** No parents will ever see the value in adopting an intelligent child. They just want kids that know how to play sports.
** Always make sure you lock the door behind you. It'll keep undesirables out and save you a huge hassle.
** Creating a temporal paradox to [[RetGone remove your disobedient son from history]] is bad. Creating a temporal paradox to remove your disobedient robot from history is good.
** If your loved one is being henpecked by his wife to the point of exhaustion, and his wife happens to be a hand puppet, indulge this fantasy as a harmless, lovable quirk. Don't attempt to mediate a divorce or send him to psychological counseling. The hand puppet is family, and family means more than anything else.
** You're being a selfish brat if you want to find out what happened to your birth family.

* ''WesternAnimation/MickeysTwiceUponAChristmas'':
** "Christmas: Impossible":
*** If you have to choose between being greedy and getting the one special present you really want from SantaClaus, choose greed. Someone will get you the special present you want anyway.
*** Even if you're extremely rich, don't bother simply buying yourself that present you always wanted as a kid, it's not special unless it comes from ''Santa'', after all.
*** Forgery is a good way to get what you want. Even if you're busted, you'll get it anyway!
** "Christmas Maximus":
*** Don't be afraid of embarrassing your son in front of his girlfriend. She'll think it's charming, and your son loves you ''because'' you're goofy.
*** Kids and teens, never ever criticize your AmazinglyEmbarrassingParents!
** "Donald's Gift":
*** You have to like the music everyone else likes. If you don't, you're a horrible person.
*** No matter how annoying Christmas is, you have to embrace it.
** "Mickey's Dog-Gone Christmas": Chewing out someone -- even if it's justified, and you're going to apologize later -- makes you a bad person. If you do it anyway, expect the guilty party to run away.

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Moana}}'':
** You can have a realistic, strong body type, or you can have a boyfriend. One or the other, but not both.
** A {{Gonk}} can never get the girl. This also applies to ''WesternAnimation/{{The Hunchback of Notre Dame|Disney}}''.

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Mulan}}'':
** Comically exaggerated specimens aside, Asians all look alike and can easily pass as each other. Also, the people "hunos" are literal inhuman monsters and should be killed.
** [[RealWomenDontWearDresses Women are not worth anything unless they're screaming bitches that are more like men.]]
** When a woman disguises herself as a man, it is a heroic example of her being true to herself and being all that she can be. When men disguise themselves as women, it is hilarious, as they are debasing themselves by posing as members of the inferior sex.
** If you're going to be in drag you must be pretty to begin with in order for you to appear dignified. If you look goofy and/or ugly then it will just make you look even more ridiculous than usual. Not that it matters, since good-looking guys should never debase themselves by dressing as women!
** And from the sequel, we get "Follow your heart, even if it screws up a plan that you agreed to, and the failure of which could lead to a terrible war for your country, because someone will fix everything in the end."
** How to be grateful to a woman who saved your life? Just leave her half-naked in the snow in the middle of nowhere.
** Hey girls! You can be war heroes, but if you're offered an actual position of power, turn it down and go home to an ordinary womanly life with your parents! [[NeverASelfMadeWoman Female Success Is Family]]! Also, you can lead the villain toward his death, but don't you dare actually kill him yourself – that's men's (or little male dragons') work!
** When you learn to climb a pole, you and your friends will automatically become great warriors.
** Men are nothing but disgusting, unhygienic pigs who hate maintaining themselves.

** It's worth to willingly take up on a difficult task if a fairy wants you to.

** Lighting a fire inside of a large animal is totally harmless to it and will do no worse than give it momentary sniffles. Feel free to try it at home, kids!

** All culinary problems can be solved through the generous application of Tabasco sauce.

** Hard work will get you ahead in life... unless you are an ugly, fat manservant. In which case, you can break your back every day in service of a shiftless layabout who verbally abuses you, but you will still probably die a penniless old man.
** [[TheButlerDidIt All butlers are inherently evil]] because they are jealous of their employers. You should never trust them.

** If your friend is in love with an inanimate object (especially a star), never correct him. You're a heartless bastard if you do.
** Royals are born superior and special. They can turn frogs into people with a kiss. But if a peasant does it? Sorry, your bloodline will prevent it; you're now a frog!
** Black women ''have'' to work hard for everything, or they don't deserve it. However, white girls with old money can just bat their eyes and cry a lot and the worst that'll happen to them is their boyfriend getting old and fat.
** The only way for black people to win over racists back in the day was if they resorted to magic, trickery, rich white friends, and forceful methods.

** Being chased by a former friend who was hired to kill you? Breaking and entering and then moving in with the hermits who lived there is a much better idea than going to the top of the freaking mountain to look for any nearby roads or villages.

** If you're on the run and need a new home, just break into some stranger's house and act like you're the housemaid. They'll accept you immediately as part of the household.

** Even if you ''are'' beautiful, it really doesn't matter because if someone else surpasses you in looks, no one will care about you and you're doomed to become evil.
** The little guys who are your best friends should be forgotten about once you go off and get married to the big good-looking guy you don't really know anything about.
** It's ok to break into someone's house as long as you're a pretty princess. They will forgive you immediately.
** The fairest people have ivory-pale skin.
** If you're skeptical about the complete stranger who broke into your house and slept in your bed, then you're just a grumpy sourpuss.

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Tangled}}'':
** If someone who lives on the margins of society secretly uses their knowledge to benefit from a natural resource, they're selfish and greedy. Rich and powerful people who destroy this resource for ''their'' own ends, however, are good and moral.
** Your adoptive parent who raised, clothed, and fed you from infancy doesn't love you. You need to go find the people who gave birth to you and immediately lost you in order to have a REAL family.
** The person who raised you is your real parent. The fact that she stole you from your birth parents, kept you isolated and dependent on her, and basically treated you like a pet is irrelevant.
** As long as you rescue a princess, any other crime you've committed in your life, no matter how heinous will immediately be pardoned, and you'll get to join the royal family and probably inherit the throne.
** Only brunettes can have a true family and love. If a girl happens to have blond hair, she must cut and dye it in order to find happiness.
** If you're a princess, it's okay to run around barefoot at all times, because hey, you lived in a tower and didn't need shoes- why should you need them now? It's not like you'll step on something sharp or get your soles dirty.
** As long as someone has a dream, they're perfectly decent people. Doesn't matter if they kill, steal, or cause any other harm to others regularly.
** Healing powers are doomed to be wasted.
** Always [[IGaveMyWord keep your promises,]] no matter how horrible your life will become and no matter how many people you'll hurt, both directly and indirectly. However, if you said something without promising it, it's worthless, so failing to keep it is completely irrelevant to how moral you are.
** If your boyfriend [[HeroicSacrifice dies]] to prevent you from going through the previously mentioned scenario, don't worry, everything will [[DeusExMachina magically work out]].
** The death penalty is A-OK, even when it's DisproportionateRetribution. Don't worry, it won't hurt your reputation as a benevolent ruler.
** If your infant daughter gets kidnapped, don't bother making a serious effort to find her. Just live your life like usual, but don't forget to release hundreds of lanterns on her birthday. She will return [[ContrivedCoincidence because there's no way she won't see them and she may know when her birthday is.]]
** When someone tries to warn you about the dangers in the world, don't listen to them. They're lying because they're exploiting you and trying to keep you from discovering the truth.
** If you're a criminal, feel free to betray your companions, even when the betrayal means that they're likely to be caught and executed. However, if you do it and regret it, do ''not'' attempt to redeem yourself.
** If you've always been taught not to trust strangers and you meet a stranger who even admits that he's unreliable and shouldn't be trusted, go ahead and trust him anyway.
** If you're going to kidnap a baby and raise them in extreme isolation for your own benefit, make sure that they don't have access to a window where they can see the outside world. This goes double if they can see their parents' house.
** Women with pitch-black hair and pointy noses are evil, women with golden blonde hair and button noses are good!
** When you've run out of ideas for villains that are pirates, are tall and thin, very old women and men with rotund or muscular builds, just settle for one that looks like Music/{{Cher}}.
** One must never dream of gaining immortality, because it will just result in the person becoming evil.

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Tarzan}}'':
** It's okay to adopt other people's children if you're a gorilla.
** Gorillas have a super-powerful hearing.
** A human that has been raised by animals his entire life and has never had any human contact can easily learn English if they just try. And vice-versa!

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Zootopia}}'':
** No matter how tolerant and open-minded you think you are, you're still racist.
** If you want to show your boss that you're ready for more responsibilities, then abandoning your post for your dream job and having friends in high places is a winning combo. Your boss might not like it but your good PR will be unstoppable.
** Even in an open-minded, tolerant utopia that defies all stereotypes, [[WickedWeasel weasels will always suck]].
** Becoming friends with TheMafia will be nothing but helpful and won't even impeded your return to and future in law enforcement.
** Sheep are AlwaysChaoticEvil.
** If members of one ethnic group hold bigoted attitudes towards another, it's only because the ancestors of the oppressed group were bloodthirsty cannibals who preyed upon those now in power. Not to say racism is ''justified'', but [[SarcasmMode it's not like it ever just comes down to]] IrrationalHatred [[SarcasmMode or dogma with no real historical basis]].
** Prejudice and assuming the worst in people is always wrong--[[DoubleStandard unless children are involved]].
** Only mammals can ever be sapient. All other lifeforms are inferior and there to be used as food.
** Children don't learn to be racist; [[KidsAreCruel they're]] ''[[KidsAreCruel born]]'' [[KidsAreCruel racist]]! Only grown-ups are capable of being tolerant and open-minded because, obviously, [[SarcasmMode they could do no wrong]].

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Aladdin}}'':
** The only way the girl will love you is if you sacrifice your wealth for her.
** If you're staging a bloodless coup-d'état to dethrone a childish hereditary ruler more concerned with toys than actually running the country, it means you're an evil sorcerer.
** There's nothing wrong with falling in love with someone who is revealed to have been lying to you the whole time.
** If you want to be accepted into society, you have to act like someone you're not, especially if that person is someone in high authority.
** If you want to be a successful salesman, learn how to tell a story as long as three movies and a 65-episode syndicated television series. Sprinkle in a few celebrity impressions and you're golden.
** It's ok to steal food if you need it. As long as you're conventionally attractive and the people you've wronged for stealing look like evil thugs, people will just think you're a lovable trickster.
** Even if he's the Prince of a Kingdom presumably with its own military and attacking a visiting envoy to a sovereign nation might reflect poorly towards your allies, you can sick a tiger on a foreign dignitary if you don't want to marry him.

* ''WesternAnimation/TheAristocats'':
** If you're on the streets you should trust the first person you see, even if he's clearly just trying to get in your pants.
** Coming on strongly to a woman during your first meeting is incredibly attractive and all men should do it.
** France is full of English people. Didn't you know?
** Giving cats an entire bottle of human sleeping pills won't prove fatal, or even have any long-term side effects.
** It’s selfish, greedy, and evil to be mad when the person you’ve been the caretaker for and dedicated decades of your life to decides to give their large inheritance to their pet cat instead of you.

* ''WesternAnimation/AtlantisTheLostEmpire'':
** There will always be [[WhiteMansBurden a rich, shapely, intelligent, attractive, plucky and/or charismatic person to help out the po' native folks.]]
** If you learn the root language that all other human languages apparently sprang from, you'll be able to speak any language fluently, from English to Swahili.

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Bambi}}'':
** Go ahead and shoot the doe, the fawns will survive anyway.
** Obviously a herd of deer whose Alpha Male Buck is named "Bambi" will be incredibly butch.
** Your father wasn't involved in raising you and left your mom? It's okay because he'll get involved later and make you a man after that! So do the same to your wife and kids!

** Hey guys! Don't by any means try to improve yourself unless you're forced into it. Hey, gals! Your man will become instantly more attractive if you bribe him with sex.

** A person with a mental disorder (e.g. bestial instincts caused by a spell) can learn to act "normal" if he just wants to please someone enough. Oh, and his anger issues will vanish if he just finds a {{Plucky Girl}} who stands up to him enough times.
** Men are naturally selfish, rude, controlling thugs. It's a woman's job to redeem them and tame them.
** A man only deserves love if he lets his girlfriend shape him into the kind of docile, self-effacing partner she wants. Traditionally masculine, assertive men deserve to fall to their deaths.
** Hey, rich people! Spend all of your money on a huge number of slaves. Like, that could feasibly serve as the population of Ireland. Because if you get under a magic curse, you might as well have millions of companions in your sorrow, such as five hundred brooms or a hall full of living ornamental armor.
** Looks don't matter... as long as you're rich. But only if you're the guy. If you're the girl, you even have to have a NAME that says you're beautiful.
** Hey guys! Wooing a lady in order to achieve a personal goal is a-ok!

** If you develop zoophilic feelings for an unknown creature, you'll find out he's under a curse and that he is in fact a smoking hot prince! [[OneTrueLove True Love]] is always a great thing, but now sex will be less awkward.
** If a ten-year-old child with no parental guidance is rude to you, it's a great idea to punish him in a way that forces him to spend the rest of his childhood and adolescence in total social isolation, except for the servants who are expected to keep to their place as his distant inferiors. If he doesn't grow up well-adjusted, that's his own fault.

** You should spare a villain that deserves to be executed. If you wish to execute someone who had it coming, you're a psychopath who needs to be called out.
** You can only be a hero if you're either naturally gifted or motivated to become a scientist. If you're not, you're weak, an idiot, or possibly both.
** You should respect your big brother's inventions by contorting them.

** Kei cars maneuver like UsefulNotes/FormulaOne cars, and grip the road like them. They even upstage F1 by tanking jumps like monster trucks!
** You should totally indulge a grieving 14-year-old child's fantasies of vigilantism.
** When people tell you that revenge won't change anything, don't listen to them; the loved one you're trying to avenge may be saved due to your revenge plot.
** Getting a college scholarship isn't a matter of money; it takes talent, determination, and the capacity to produce several hundred thousand working electronic units in your aunt's garage, which she affords with her coffee shop.
** Do you suspect that your brother was murdered? Well, don't bother telling the police 'cause they won't believe you. Just catch the criminal and bring him to justice yourself!

* ''WesternAnimation/ChickenLittle'':
** You know, that crazy guy who claims the sky is falling? You naturally don't believe him? It will come back to bite you in the ass because it will turn out he was right all along!
** A young child says the sky is falling, and you're pretty sure it was just an acorn that hit him? He has just made the most embarrassing mistake known to man; never let him live it down and keep ostracizing him! Who cares if he's just a child?
** When you lose your child, do whatever means necessary to find him. Like destroying an innocent planet that happened to have your kid on it.

** Also stepmothers are mean to their stepchildren for no reason.

** Animals aren't people, so the whole "they can't order me to stop dreaming" thing doesn't apply to them. You can even scold them for it for good measure.

** Per the "Sing Sweet Nightingale" segment: Being sweet, lovely, and ladylike (all of which, of course, a girl is supposed to be) means having a soprano voice. Girls who sing alto are unfeminine {{Gonk}}s with grating, hypernasal voices.

** If you get wrongly imprisoned for protecting your child, don't sweat it. Eventually, you'll get treated like a queen after those in charge decide to exploit your child, even though it goes exactly against what you wanted.
** Spitting peanuts can be used as weaponry, and will help you free your mom from prison.
** Feel free to be horrible to the kid with the birth defect. Just as long as you cheer for him once he gets famous, all will be forgiven.
** It's perfectly okay for circuses to exploit handicapped children for their disabilities as long as you pamper their parents. That's likely what happened back in the old days in real life. Cruel, uncaring parents find a use for their deformed child by selling him/her to the circus all so the parents can receive a cut of the money.

** You can fly if you just believe in yourself, so go ahead and jump off the nearest high ledge. You'll be fine. Probably.
** Be kind to the visibly freakish, because they probably have at least one superpower.
** If you are extremely huge and strong and hit someone who could easily break in half due to it, you normally won't get in any trouble. Only true bad guys in a movie would have you imprisoned for this.
** Snorting champagne is a great idea! You can blow bubbles!

* ''WesternAnimation/DuckTalesTheMovieTreasureOfTheLostLamp'':
** You should root for multi-billionaires when they try to go after even more riches.
** Ancient artifacts should go to the private collections of billionaires rather than to museums to be studied.
** Children who live in a huge mansion with their billionaire uncle need and deserve genies to provide them with the very few things they don't already have. Poor kids could have their own genies if they weren't so lazy.

** Biodiversity is shameful because it's not pretty and perfect.
** Don't bother showing off your special talent, you're just annoying the one not-special person in your family and they're ultimately more important than you anyway.
** If you know your long lost uncle has been secretly living in the house for a decade you shouldn't tell anyone in the family to ease their worries where he might have disappeared too.
** If you're the black sheep of the family for reasons beyond your control, it's your job to prove your own worth by helping your family members work through their own problems. Even if you're just a teenager and they're adults, that's your burden.
** Nothing says undying paternal love like ''[[DisappearedDad deserting your wife and children via dying on them]]''!
** If you know something bad will happen to people? Don't tell them - because telling them means they will hate them.
*** Equally, don't ever give anyone advice, because when they then ignore it you'll be blamed for whatever the negative consequence was. Somehow.
** If you're gifted? You ''must'' serve your community. You have no choice.
** Keep your black sheep in the dedicated nursery for your children. [[SarcasmMode They won't grow up with any issues at all.]]

** Don't want to marry someone? Dump them off on your cousin instead.
** There's nothing at all creepy about having a 50-year-old man of questionable sanity living in your walls and spying on your family.

** Emotionally-linked power incontinence is a blessing you should feel proud of, no matter how many problems it causes (like a hurricane on your wedding day, for example).
** If you want to endear yourself to your niece who you haven't seen in 10 years, the first thing you should tell her is that she is sweaty.

* ''WesternAnimation/TheFoxAndTheHound'':
** If your friend is different from you, you should be permanently separated from him/her, even if you save their life and prove you're not harmful!
** Domesticated animals have absolutely no trouble adjusting to the wild when you abruptly decide to return them to it. This is especially true if you do so to the tune of heartwrenching music. Just be sure to take the collar off of your domesticated animal and he'll adjust after less than 24 hours!

* ''WesternAnimation/AGoofyMovie'':
** Weird and/or eccentric people should NEVER raise children, they'll just ruin their lives and put them in danger.
** It's okay to go out in the middle of the stage when a musician is currently performing. If you just do a funny little dance, the performer will be perfectly fine with it.
** Near-life-threatening clumsiness and absent-mindedness are cute if you're a well-meaning single father.
** Go ahead and lie to both your potential girlfriend and your father, it’ll all work out in your favor in the end.
** A girl who might dump you for going on an unexpected trip with your dad is still worth pursuing, even if you have to resort to underhanded tactics.

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Hercules}}'':
** Repeatedly risking your life to save strangers' lives isn't true heroism. Only giving your life to save your love interest is true heroism, because only romantic love counts.
** The above is only true if you're a guy. If you're a girl you can also do the exact same thing, but only your boyfriend will ascend to godhood for it, and he'll have to choose to become mortal again to be with you.
** It's a good idea to insult someone who has Godlike strength because they'll always be a super nice person and never once get the inclination to physically harm you using said strength.
** Provided you've just taken away the Godlike strength of your foe and made him like everyone else you can't just kill him right then and there like you've been trying to do for years because leaving him emotionally broken but still able to fight is better than killing him and making sure he can't stop you. After all, you're the lord of the dead. You know that better than anyone...
** If you make a deal to sacrifice your own life for the life of your love interest, wait until the villain fulfills his end of the deal then renege last minute because you got what you wanted.
** [[EverybodyHatesHades Deities that represent death are inherently evil]]. Even if the myths they originally appeared in say otherwise, [[VillainWithGoodPublicity it's obviously just an attempted cover-up for their extensive villainy]].
** Greek mythology was basically just Christianity with an ancient Greek aesthetic. They even had gospel singing.

* ''WesternAnimation/{{The Hunchback of Notre Dame|Disney}}'': Hey, are you ugly or deformed? You're never gonna get the girl, cause she doesn't love you. Instead, she gets the cute, hot guy while you (at the very least) are allowed out of your house.

* ''WesternAnimation/TheHunchbackOfNotreDameII'':
** If you have a hideous deformity, don't worry, a blonde woman will fall for you eventually and give you the love interest that you didn't get before.
** Gay men... err, ''[[CampStraight vain]]'' men are all secretly hideous child abducting trolls.

* ''WesternAnimation/TheJungleBook1967'':
** Evolution is the screwball belief of a bunch of clumsy, idiot apes and their impressionable leader.
** It doesn't matter where you grew up or who raised you. Everyone needs to stay with their own kind, or else who would they date?

* ''WesternAnimation/LiloAndStitch'':
** It's in no way dangerous to own a deadly, unknown creature with tendencies to randomly lash out at people with the possibility of it killing you because as long as the word 'ohana' exists, risk it.
** Giving "dogs" coffee is okay. Especially so if that specific dog is known to be aggressive and hyperactive to begin with.
** Have a pet you know for a fact has a sensitivity to water? Take it out surfing!

* ''WesternAnimation/LiloAndStitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch''
** If you love someone enough, your love can bring them back to life. This means that every one of your loved ones who has died stayed dead because you didn't love them enough.
** If you know someone has a serious medical issue that is causing them to be a danger to themselves or others, be sure to keep it a complete secret while you try to solve the problem yourself.

** The removal of the royal family from the seat of power will instantly equal Neo-Nazism, coupled with Communism when the new leader tries to spread the food supplies around with 'lower' species. It's best to flee and spend your adolescence in exile when you can.
** Likewise, a group of brave and strong women can eventually overthrow a tyrant by finding a man to do it for them. While they all watch. Motionlessly. True to nature, in fact!
** And de-segregation will cause starvation, misery, and an ecological catastrophe.
** Droughts are caused by hyenas and bad leadership.
*** Droughts also resolve themselves when the rightful heir returns to kick out the usurper.
** You are your parents, and even if you manage to carve out a nice niche somewhere far from filial troubles, you will eventually be dragged back in.
** Every organism in nature is bound together in an elaborate ecological network; a "Circle of Life," if you will. Except for Hyenas, that is. [[BrokenAesop They're unnatural and should be hunted to extinction.]]
*** Variant: the best way to prevent over-hunting is to completely screw over a group of predators that is native to that ecosystem by cutting them off from food, thus causing the other predator species (that you conveniently happen to belong to) to become too numerous to be able to share food with them. That is, the best way to deal with an overpopulation problem is by banishing an inferior race (hyenas) to a place with no resources while having as many children as you want.
** It's okay to assault people, and remind them afterward that, "It doesn't matter, it's in the past!".
** The only denizens of Africa who know Swahili words or have anything remotely resembling an accent that might be characteristic of some part of Africa are priests.
** It's okay to nickname someone in a way that recalls an accident that could have cost him his sight.

** It's okay and not unusual to marry someone whom you witnessed trying to kill one of your adoptive parents.
** Nobody will believe you when you finally admit your mistakes. You just have to wait for the villain to reveal the whole truth.
** Publicly bathing in front of the girl [[ArrangedMarriage promised to be your wife]] is okay only as long as your mother is the one cleaning you.
** Elephants are expected to bow down to lions even though an elephant can actually kill a lion with one good stomp or swat.
** It's really important to choose to do the right thing! As long as you were born into a position of power. Otherwise, it doesn't really matter what you do, because you're the only one who can effect social change.

** Being the king is not about learning how to manage your pride and the whole animal population. Instead being a king means that you can do anything you ever want and be able to boss around anyone in any way possible. It surely won't lead to your kingdom being a droughted land where everyone is willing to overthrow you and see you as a terrible leader.
** The Divine Right of Kings is completely fine. So remember to sit back and do as you're told, peasants - all will be well as long as the Right Person is in charge.
*** If someone potentially usurped the throne? ''Never'' kick them off. Because that might be even worse! Remember - the Divine Right of Kings.
*** If the ruling class ''literally eats'' you? It's okay - they eat ''some'' of you. [[PredationIsNatural Predation is only natural]], after all.
*** It's alright to eat your subjects as long as you only eat ''some'' of them.

** Never, ever allow anyone to accept you for who you are. Change yourself radically to please a guy, even if it means alienating yourself from everyone else that you ever loved and possibly dooming your civilization.
** Inside every lonely, obese, purple-skinned old woman is a young, pale, thin, pretty-voiced temptress. Inside every one of them is a gigantic purple-skinned old maid with a huge fork and a crown who will kill us all. Like pie!
** If you have a rich Daddy, your actions will have no consequences.
** It is perfectly reasonable for you to make a deal with the devil to change species so you can try to make the guy your favorite statue is based on fall in love with you.

** It's okay to completely and utterly forget about your family, friends, and life as long as you leave them to marry someone effeminate.
** Trust that your teenage daughter knows what she wants in life, even if she just almost destroyed your kingdom over a crush on the generic prince.
** If you make bad decisions, you'll be ''rewarded'' for them.
** Contracts made with minors are completely legal and binding, especially ones made without custodial knowledge.
** On the flip side, always act surprised when 16-year-olds aren't as mature as you think. It's not like they ever grow up and learn from their reckless & selfish mistakes.
** If your friend [[TheComplainerIsAlwaysWrong is constantly complaining to you about the grave danger that you're both always getting yourselves into]], just ignore his protests.

** Most Disney movies: A woman is only as good as the man she serves--[[StayInTheKitchen now get in the kitchen and make a sammich, woman!]]
** [[WesternAnimation/ThePrincessAndTheFrog Give a traditionally animated movie little marketing and release it at the same time as four other movies, one of them being]] [[Film/{{Avatar}} the highest-grossing film of all time]], and it under-performs at the box office? It must be because traditional animation is dead, and boys won't watch a movie with a female protagonist. [[NeverMyFault Surely the studio and its marketing department are never to blame.]]
** Movies that underperform at the box office should be buried and treated as if they never existed. There is no such thing as a CultClassic, or if they do exist it has never happened to an animated film.
** Don't have kids. You, your partner, or both of you will almost certainly die. The lifespan of a parent is the same as the [[{{Retirony}} security guard on his last shift]] who just so happened to be played by Creator/SeanBean.
** [[WesternAnimation/WhatsOperaDoc KILL DA MOTHER!!! KILL DA MOTHER!!!]] Mothers have no value as characters or as people. Once they've fulfilled their purpose of birthing the protagonist they exist only to die, either in the story or before it, to do any combination of breaking the hero's heart, giving him motivation, creating tension for him, or making room for the resident EvilStepmother or [[ParentalSubstitute Adoptive Doodad]] to swoop in and sink their talons into him or her. Under [[YouKilledMyFather rare circumstances]] you can [[WesternAnimation/TheLionKing1994 let the mother live]], but best make her endure years of living in a harsh environment under a psychotic king who's deluded her into thinking her son is dead and probably [[MarryThemAll made her one of his wives]] first, and don't even think about even letting her exist in the sequel.
** The best way to discipline a SpoiledBrat is to turn them into an animal with a curse and refuse to change them back until they learned their lesson. This is especially effective if that brat is a RoyalBrat
** Traditional animation is so old-fashioned these days that it is unwatchable, and movies animated that way must be remade into live-action/CG hybrid movies in order to stay relevant.

** If you're magic, you can get away with any crime. (Except possibly high treason. That one didn't work out so well, even though a magic person tried it.)

** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16905_7-classic-disney-movies-that-taught-us-terrible-lessons.html If you wait long enough, the universe will take pity on you and give you shit out of nowhere]].

** All you need to do to get what you want is to wish really hard upon a star. No really, that's Disney's main theme. There's no such thing as hard work.

* ''WesternAnimation/ReturnToNeverland'' (''WesternAnimation/PeterPan'' sequel):
-->'''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaChick''': Hey little girl, what are you doing being concerned with Nazis and bombs and living to see the end of the war? Pixie dust, dammit!

** Self-advertisement is your friend. Go ahead and use the sequel to one of your animated movies to promote your various other, more popular franchises. People will eat it up!

** Meta: All {{Complete Monster}}s or near such are unforgivable... except for a wish-hoarding tyrant, in which case, [[StrawmanHasAPoint now they have a point]].

** Meta: All {{Complete Monster}}s or near such are unforgivable... except for a wish-hoarding tyrant, in which case, [[StrawmnaHasAPoint now they have a point]].

** If you want to show your boss that you're ready for more responsibilities, then abandoning your tasks for your dream job and friends in high places is a winning combo. Your boss might not like it but your good PR will override that.

** If you have a bear form, bears will learn to be friendly to your human form too by seeing your transformation.

** Mammoths don't mind random animals using their body as a taxi cab.

All right, [[AsYouKnow you all know how to play the game]]! Contestants will take a piece of {{media}}... and, through a number of [[SelectiveObliviousness deliberate misunderstandings]], a few {{Alternate Character Interpretation}}s, [[TwistingTheWords taking some things out of context]], [[MisaimedFandom assuming that everything presented was meant to be taken as instructional and serious]], and reading in more than a little {{Fanon}}, make it seem like the creators were attempting to deliver a terrible, ''terrible'' [[AnAesop message to the kids at home...]] no matter how [[AssPull utterly off-base]] it is!

** Movies that under-perform at the box office should be buried and treated as if they never existed. There is no such thing as a CultClassic, or if they do exist it has never happened to an animated film.

** Traditional animation is so old fashioned these days that it is unwatchable, and movies animated that way must be remade into live action/CG hybrid movies in order to stay relevant.

** It’s selfish, greedy and evil to be mad when the person you’ve been the caretaker for and dedicated decades of your life to decides to give their large inheritance to their pet cat instead of you.

** Your father wasn't involved in raising you and left your mom? It's okay, because he'll get involved later and make you a man after that! So do the same to your wife and kids!

** Hey guys! Don't by any means try to improve yourself unless you're forced into it. Hey gals! Your man will become instantly more attractive if you bribe him with sex.

** Hey, rich people! Spend all of your money on a huge number of slaves. Like, that could feasibly serve as the population of Ireland. Because if you get under a magic curse, you might as well have millions of companions in your sorrow, such as five hundred brooms or a hall-full of living ornamental armor.

*** Similarly, if someone does something which you don't like, feel free to punish their servants for it. It's not like they're ''real'' people or anything.

** "An adventure in the great wide somewhere" means being stuck in the same place as a wife of a handsome prince who has a castle and an army of servants instead of being stuck in the same place as a wife of a provincial village hunter.

** If a ten year old child with no parental guidance is rude to you, it's a great idea to punish him in a way that forces him to spend the rest of his childhood and adolescence in total social isolation, except for the servants who are expected to keep to their place as his distant inferiors. If he doesn't grow up well adjusted, that's his own fault.

** When people tell you that revenge won't change anything, don't listen to them; it's possible that the loved one you're trying to avenge will be saved due to your revenge plot.

** Remember kids, you always have to respect the red lights and put your blinker on while driving, even if you are pursued by a vengeful super villain trying to kill you.

** If you have a bear form, bears will learn to be friendly to your human form too by seeing your transform.

** You know, that crazy guy who claims the sky is falling? You naturally don't believe him? It will come back to bite you in the ass, because it will turn out he was right all along!
** A young child says the sky is falling, and you're pretty sure it was just an acorn that hit him? He has just made the most embarrassing mistake known to man; never let him live it down and keep ostracizing him! Who cares if he's just a child!
** When you lose your child, do whatever means necessary to find him. Like destroying an innocent planet which happened to have your kid on it.

** Glass is excellent material for footwear.

** If you get wrongly imprisoned for protecting your child, don't sweat it. Eventually you'll get treated like a queen after those in charge decide to exploit your child, even though it goes exactly against what you wanted.

** Weird and/or eccentric people should NEVER raise children, they'll just ruin their life and put them in danger.

** It's a good idea to insult someone that has Godlike strength because they'll always be a super nice person and never once get the inclination to physically harm you using said strength.

** [[EverybodyHatesHades Deities that represent death are inherently evil]]. Even if the myths they originally appear in say otherwise, [[VillainWithGoodPublicity it's obviously just an attempted cover-up for their extensive villainy]].

** It's in no way dangerous to own a deadly, unknown creature with tendencies to randomly lash out at people with the possibility of it killing you, because as long as the word 'ohana' exists, risk it.

** It's okay to assault people, and remind them afterwards that, "It doesn't matter, it's in the past!".
** The only denizens of Africa who know Swahili words or have anything remotely resembling an accent that might be characteristic to some part of Africa are priests.

** Being the king is not about learning how to manage your pride and the whole animal population. Instead being a king means that you can do anything you ever want and be able to boss around anyone in any way possible. It surely won't lead to your kingdom being a droughted land that everyone is willing to overthrow you and see you as a terrible leader.

** Chasing scavengers out of your ecosystem will have zero ill-effects, and that goes double for the forest fire you caused, too.

** A DealWithTheDevil is A-OK as long as the ends justifies the means.

** On the flip side, always act surprised when 16 year olds aren't as mature as you think. It's not like they ever grow up and learn from their reckless & selfish mistakes.

** Never be a well behaved child, Martians will kidnap and destroy your mother.

** When a woman disguises herself as a man, it is an heroic example of her being true to herself and being all that she can be. When men disguise themselves as women, it is hilarious, as they are debasing themselves by posing as members of the inferior sex.

** How to be grateful to a woman who saved your life? Just leave her half naked in the snow in the middle of nowhere.

** Doing things that is traditionally considered bad, like smoking, underage drinking and wreaking havoc will make you deserving of being transformed into a donkey and serve your masters until you die. It doesn't matter if you were too young to have known better, you deserve KarmicOverkill, you shitty little brat!
** Your parents won't notice if you've been missing for a long period of time.
** It's worth to willingly take up on a difficult task if a fairy want you to.

** You should only ever try to improve your fortunes ''through'' the class system. Trying to change it makes you unrepentently '''EVIL'''.

** The only way for black people to win over racists back in the day is if they resorted to magic, trickery, rich white friends, and forceful methods.

** Don't trust children. At best they'll try to rip you off with false promises. At worst they will literally try to stab you in the back the moment you turn around.

* ''WesternAnimation/TheRescuers'': If you find evidence that a missing child has been kidnapped, don't turn it over to the police. Solve the crime yourself. (Applies to the sequel as well.)

** Queens are all pure evil, its better to be a princess and have no responsibility.
** If you're on the run and need a new home, just break into some strangers house and act like you're the house maid. They'll accept you immediately as part of the household.

** Even if you ''are'' beautiful, it really doesn't matter because if someone else surpasses you on looks, no one will care about you and you're doomed to become evil.

** If you're skeptical about the complete stranger that broke into your house and slept in your bed, then you're just a grumpy sourpuss.

** Your adoptive parent who raised, clothed and fed you from infancy doesn't love you. You need to go find the people who gave birth to you and immediately lost you in order to have a REAL family.
** The person who raised you is your real parent. The fact that she stole you from your birth parents, kept you isolated and dependent on her and basically treated you like a pet is irrelevant.

** Only brunettes can have a true family and love. If a girl happened to have blond hair, she must cut and dye it in order to find happiness.

** As long as someone has a dream, they're perfectly decent people. Doesn't matter if they kill, steal, or cause any other harm to others on a regular basis.

** If your infant daughter gets kidnapped, don't bother making a serious effort to find her. Just live your life like usual, but don't forget to release hundreds of lanterns on her birthday. She will return [[ContrivedCoincidence because there's no way she won't see them and it's impossible that she doesn't know when her birthday is.]]

** If you've always been taught not to trust strangers and you meet a stranger that even admits that he's unreliable and shouldn't be trusted, go ahead and trust him anyway.

** Women with pitch black hair and pointy noses are evil, women with golden blonde hair and button noses are good!
** When you've ran out of ideas for villains that are pirates, are tall and thin, very old women and men with rotund or muscular builds, just settle for one that looks like Music/{{Cher}}.

** Gorillas have super-powerful hearing.

** Anyone who has your best interest at heart are all secretly evil and must be purged.
** If someone says that all wishes cannot be granted and has the kingdom's best interests at mind when fulfilling them, then they will eventually open a dark magic book and be consumed by it, so remember kids. Never even bother sorting the lists on what to and not to do!

** If you want to show your boss that you're ready for more responsibilities, then abandoning your tasks for your dream job and friends in high places are a winning combo. Your boss might not like it but your good PR will override that.

** Most Disney movies: A woman is only as good as the man she serves--now get in the kitchen and make a sammich, woman!

* ''WesternAnimation/Wish2023'': Anyone who has your best interest at heart are all secretly evil and must be purged.

** Kei cars maneuver like UsefulNotes/FormulaOne cars, and grip the road like them. They even upstage F1 by tanking jumps like a monster truck!

** Kei cars maneuver like a UsefulNotes/FormulaOne cars, and grip the road like them. They even upstage F1 by tanking jumps like a monster truck!

** Kei cars maneuver like a UsefulNotes/FormulaOne car, and grip the road like one. They even upstage F1 by tanking jumps like a monster truck!

** Kei Cars can maneuver like a UsefulNotes/FormulaOne car, and grip the road like one as well. They can even upstage F1 by tanking jumps like a monster truck!

** To be EasilyForgiven for a murder, one method is to raise the surviving offspring as your own. They'll be happy you learned your lesson, guaranteed!

** Remember kids, you always have to respect the red lights and put your blinker on while driving, even if they are pursued by a vengeful super villain trying to kill them.

** To be EasilyForgiven for a murder, one method is to raise the surviving offspring as your own. They'll be happy you learned your lesson!

** If you want to show your boss that you're ready for more responsibilities, then abandoning your tasks to do your dream job and friends in high places are a winning combo. Your boss might not like it but your good PR will override that.