History UsefulNotes / DiegoGarciaDeParedes

García's career as a Spanish soldier had a dazzling beginning at the take of the [[UsefulNotes/{{Turkey}} Ottoman]] stronghold of Cephalonia, where he protagonized such a massacre of Turks by his hand alone that when they managed to corner him, they took him alive as a WorthyOpponent, only for him to break out of his cell and keep wreaking havoc until the victory. The feat made him famous among the Christians, to the point the Vatican cleared up his service record, but it would only be the prologue for his service under the Great Captain in the 1501-1503 expedition against the French. In a famous instance, when his proposition to go all out against the French in the Garigliano river was rejected by the cautious Fernández, an offended García placed himself strategically in a bridge, challenged the enemy camp, and started cutting down all the French soldiers that came to him, eventually attracting his countrymen to the skirmish and finishing the insanity with hundreds of French corpses behind them. Fernández would reprimand him by his recklessness, but few could question the results of his approach.

Prior to the expulsion of the French army from Italy, García had also participated in the famous 1503 Challenge of Barletta, an event in which the French, led by the legendary Pierre Terrail de Bayard (the original KnightInShiningArmor, who oddly enough, would have his own bridge-defending anecdote in the Garigliano), rode up to the walls of the Spanish headquarters and goaded them to a 11 vs. 11 CombatByChampion. The Spanish Hercules was wounded at the time, but upon being required to fight, he promptly came and led his peers to a sound thrashing of the French, who were forced to cover behind their dead horses and fight for the draw for five long hours. The judges proposed to call a draw, but Fernández would want none of it, and when his lance and sword broke, he started [[BoulderBludgeon pelting his opponents with the field's heavy milestones]], making them flee panicked. By this point of his life, unsurprisingly, the French had their own nickname for Diego: ''Le Grand Diable''.

Upon their return to Spain, García was rewarded with the Marquisate of Colonnetta, but it was taken from him afterwards for his UndyingLoyalty to Fernández, who had lost the favor of King Ferdinand II; it's said Diego burst in the royal chapel and issued an open challenge for the Great Captain's honor without receiving an answer. Disgruntled, García [[RogueSoldier went rogue]] and became a pirate for some time, but he later found out King Ferdinand was issuing pardons for Christian knights to participate in the 1050s invasions of Africa. Once more time, Paredes' battlefield feats refloated his career, with UsefulNotes/MaximilianI, Holy Roman Emperor, hiring him as a ''maestre de campo''. After a series of battles for the Christian kingdoms in Africa and Italy, García was so famous that Pope Julius II appointed him colonel of his Catholic League, and he eventually returned to Spain's service when Maximilian's grandson UsefulNotes/CharlesV inherited the kingdom. He worked as a bodyguard for the new king, participating in his campaigns against the Ottoman Empire.

For all his career, having survived to 30 battles of all kinds and supposedly achieved 300 victories in singles duels to death, García would die himself of an unusually silly death in Bolonia, falling off his horse while playing with some young soldiers in his spare time (it's said he lampshaded it with his last breath). He left a son, also named Diego García de Paredes, who would serve under UsefulNotes/FranciscoPizarro in the UsefulNotes/SpanishConquestOfTheIncaEmpire and became one of governors that took down the rebellious UsefulNotes/LopeDeAguirre.

Upon their return to Spain, García was rewarded with the Marquisate of Colonnetta, but it was taken from him afterwards for his UndyingLoyalty to Fernández, who had lost the favor of King Ferdinand II; it's said Diego burst in the royal chapel and issued an open challenge for the Great Captain's honor without receiving an answer. Disgruntled, García [[RogueSoldier went rogue]] and became a pirate for some time, but he later found out King Ferdinand was issuing pardons for Christian knights to participate in the 1050s invasions of Africa. Once more time, Paredes' battlefield feats refloated his career, with UsefulNotes/MaximilianI, Holy Roman Emperor, hiring him as a ''maestre de campo''. After a series of battles for the Christian kingdoms in Africa and Italy, García was so famous that Pope Julius II appointed him colonel of his Catholic League, and he eventually returned to Spain's service when Maximilian's son UsefulNotes/CharlesV inherited the kingdom. He worked as a bodyguard for the new king, participating in his campaigns against the Ottoman Empire.

A MilitaryBrat born in Extremadura, a Spanish land that would give birth to many conquistadores, Diego stood out for his athleticism and martial talent since his very childhood, although he also learned to read and write, which wasn't that usual back then. Possibly after an early participation in the [[UsefulNotes/SpanishReconquista capture of Granada]], Diego jumped to Italy as a mercenary, joining the Vatican guard through family connections, and was eventually ascended to Papal bodyguard when UsefulNotes/PopeAlexanderVI witnessed how an angry García beat up a whole squad of fellow guards with a [[IKnowMaddenKombat playing rod]] named ''barra castellana''. Unfortunately for him, after four years of highly regarded service during the UsefulNotes/ItalianWars, the Vatican kicked him out for another incident (neither the first nor the last), as he dueled a nobleman and beheaded him despite the latter's pleas. García returned to his mercenary ways until being eventually drafted to the Spanish army commanded by UsefulNotes/GonzaloFernandezDeCordoba, the Great Captain, whom he had fought along in his Italian campaigns.

García's career as a Spanish soldier had a dazzling beginning at the take of the [[UsefulNotes/{{Turkey}} Ottoman]] stronghold of Cephalonia, where he protagonized such a massacre of Turks by his hand alone that when they managed to corner him, they took him alive as a WorthyOpponent, only for him to break out of his cell and keep wreaking havoc until the victory. The feat made him famous among the Christians, to the point the Vatican cleared up his service record, and even so, it only served as a prologue for his service under the Great Captain in the 1501-1503 expedition against the French. In a famous instance, when his proposition to go all out against the French in the Garigliano river was rejected by the cautious Fernández, an offended García placed himself strategically in a bridge, challenged the enemy camp, and started cutting down all the French soldiers that came to him, eventually attracting his countrymen to the skirmish and finishing the insanity with hundreds of French corpses behind them. Fernández would reprimand him by his recklessness, but few could question the results of his approach.

Upon their return to Spain, García was rewarded with the Marquisate of Colonnetta, but it was taken from him afterwards for his UndyingLoyalty to Fernández, who had lost the favor of King Ferdinand II; it's said Diego burst in the royal chapel and issued an open challenge for the Great Captain's honor, without receiving an answer. Disgruntled, García [[RogueSoldier went rogue]] and became a pirate for some time, but he later found out King Ferdinand was issuing pardons for Christian knights to participate in the 1050s invasions of Africa. Once more time, Paredes' battlefield feats refloated his career, with UsefulNotes/MaximilianI, Holy Roman Emperor, hiring him as a ''maestre de campo''. After a series of battles for the Christian kingdoms in Africa and Italy, García was so famous that Pope Julius II appointed him colonel of his Catholic League, and he eventually returned to Spain's service when Maximilian's son UsefulNotes/CharlesV inherited the kingdom. He worked as a bodyguard for the new king, participating in his campaigns against the Ottoman Empire.

True to his roots, he had a bit of a DashingHispanic side as well, although in his own way. In a famous anecdote, he was flirting with a lady through her window, and upon finding the iron grill cumbersome during the process, he ripped it off. However, in order to protect her privacy, he then went ripping off all the window grills of the street so nobody would know Diego García had been courting her specifically.

->''"Lusitania had a [[UsefulNotes/LusitanianWars Viriathus]]; Roma, a [[UsefulNotes/JuliusCaesar Caesar]]; Carthage, a [[UsefulNotes/HannibalBarca Hannibal]]; Greece, an [[UsefulNotes/AlexanderTheGreat Alexander]]; Castile, a Count Fernán González; Valencia, a Cid; Andalusia, a [[UsefulNotes/GonzaloFernandezDeCordoba Gonzalo Fernández]]; Extremadura, a Diego García de Paredes."''

Diego García de Paredes y Torres (March 30, 1468 - February 15, 1533), best known by the RedBaron of the "Extremaduran Samson" or the "Spanish Hercules", was a Spanish soldier, commander and duelist, known in the European folklore of the 15th and 16th centuries as the WorldsBestWarrior. Separating myth from reality in his long and motley military career was already impossible back at his own day, but he would go surely into history as a terror of the battlefields, a soldier of [[CharlesAtlasSuperpower borderline superhuman strength]] and [[BloodKnight violence]] who was an [[OneManArmy One-Man]] ''[[BadassArmy Tercio]]'' in his own right. He was a primitive MemeticBadass in European letters, being immortalized by Miguel de Cervantes in ''Literature/DonQuixote'' and mentioned by many chroniclers of the Spanish Golden Age.

Prior to the expulsion of the French army from Italy, García had also participated in the famous 1503 Challenge of Barletta, an event in which the French, led by the legendary Pierre Terrail de Bayard (the original KnightOnShiningArmor, who oddly enough, would have his own bridge-defending anecdote in the Garigliano), rode up to the walls of the Spanish headquarters and goaded them to a 11 vs. 11 CombatByChampion. The Spanish Hercules was wounded at the time, but upon being required to fight, he promptly came and led his peers to a sound thrashing of the French, who were forced to cover behind their dead horses and fight for the draw. The judges expressed the intention to call a draw at the five hour mark, but Fernández would want none of it, and when his lance and sword broke, he started pelting his opponents with the field's heavy milestones until the ring of the bell. By this point of his life, the French had their own nickname for Diego: ''Le Gran Diable''.

Upon their return to Spain, García was rewarded with the Marquisate of Colonnetta, but it was taken from him afterwards for his UndyingLoyalty to Fernández, who had lost the favor of King Ferdinand II; it's said Diego burst in the royal chapel and issued an open challenge for the Great Captain's honor, without receiving an answer. Disgruntled, García [[RogueSoldier went rogue]] and became a pirate for a year, but he later found out King Ferdinand was issuing pardons for Christian knights to participate in the 1050s invasions of Africa. Once more time, Paredes' battlefield feats refloated his career, with UsefulNotes/MaximilianI, Holy Roman Emperor, hiring him as a ''maestre de campo''. After a series of battles for the Christian kingdoms in Africa and Italy, García was so famous that Pope Julius II appointed him colonel of his Catholic League, and he eventually returned to Spain's service when Maximilian's son UsefulNotes/CharlesV inherited the kingdom. He worked as a bodyguard for the new king, participating in his campaigns against the Ottoman Empire.

For all his career, having survived to 30 battles of all kinds and achieved 300 victories in singles duels to death, García would die himself of an unusually silly death in Bolonia, falling off his horse while playing with some young soldiers in his spare time (it's said he lampshaded it with his last breath). He left a son, also named Diego García de Paredes, who would serve under UsefulNotes/FranciscoPizarro in the UsefulNotes/SpanishConquestOfTheIncaEmpire and became one of governors that took down the rebellious UsefulNotes/LopeDeAguirre.

[[caption-width-right:270:Do you see this blade? No, you didn't.]]
Diego García de Paredes y Torres (March 30, 1468 - February 15, 1533), best known by the RedBaron of the "Extremaduran Samson" or the "Spanish Hercules", was a Spanish soldier, commander and duelist, known in the European folklore of the 15th and 16th centuries as the WorldsBestWarrior. Separating myth from reality in his long and motley military career was already impossible back at his own day, but he would go surely into history as a terror of the battlefields, a soldier of [[CharlesAtlasSuperpower borderline superhuman strength]] who was effectively an [[OneManArmy One-Man]] ''[[BadassArmy Tercio]]'' and would achieve over 300 victories in singles duels to death. He was a primitive MemeticBadass in European letters, being immortalized by Miguel de Cervantes in ''Literature/DonQuixote'' and mentioned by other authors like [[Literature/TheTrueHistoryOfTheConquestOfMexico Bernal Díaz del Castillo]].

A MilitaryBrat born in Extremadura, a Spanish land that would give birth to many conquistadores, Diego stood out for his athleticism and martial talent since his very childhood, although he also learned to read and write, which wasn't that usual back then. Possibly after an early participation in the [[UsefulNotes/SpanishReconquista capture of Granada]], Diego jumped to Italy as a mercenary, joining the Vatican guard through family connections, and was eventually ascended to Papal bodyguard when UsefulNotes/PopeAlexanderVI witnessed how García beat up a whole squad of fellow guards with a kind of [[IKnowMaddenKombat playing rod]] named ''barra castellana''. Unfortunately for him, after four years of highly regarded service during the UsefulNotes/ItalianWars, the Vatican kicked him out for another incident, as he dueled a nobleman and beheaded him despite the latter's pleas. García returned to his mercenary ways until being eventually drafted to the Spanish army commanded by UsefulNotes/GonzaloFernandezDeCordoba, the Great Captain, whom he had fought along in his Italian campaigns.

García's career as a Spanish soldier had a dazzling beginning at the take of the [[UsefulNotes/{{Turkey}} Ottoman]] stronghold of Cephalonia, where he protagonized such a massacre of Turks by his hand alone that when they managed to corner him, they took him alive as a WorthyOpponent, only for him to break out of his cell and keep wreaking havoc until the victory. The feat made him famous among the Christians, to the point the Vatican cleared up his service record, and even so, it only served as a prologue for his service under the Great Captain in the 1501-1503 expedition against the French. In a famous instance, when his proposition to go all out against the French in the Garigliano river was rejected by the cautious Fernández, an offended García placed himself strategically in a bridge, challenged the enemy lines, and started cutting down all the French soldiers that came to him, eventually attracting his countrymen to the skirmish and finishing the insanity with hundreds of French corpses behind them. Fernández would reprimand him by his recklessness, but few could question the results of his approach.

Prior to the expulsion of the French army from Italy, García had also participated in the famous 1503 Challenge of Barletta, an event in which the French, led by the legendary Pierre Terrail de Bayard (a famous KnightOnShiningArmor with, oddly enough, his own bridge-defending anecdote in the Garigliano), rode up to the walls of the Spanish headquarters and goaded them to a 11 vs. 11 CombatByChampion. The Spanish Hercules was wounded at the time, but upon being required to fight, he promptly came and led his peers to a sound thrashing of the French, who were forced to cover behind their dead horses and fight for the draw. The judges conceded it at the five hour mark, but Fernández would want none of it, and when his lance and sword broke, he started pelting his opponents with the field's huge milestones until the ring of the bell. By this point of his life, the French had their own name for Diego: ''Le Gran Diable''.

Upon their return to Spain, García was rewarded with the Marquisate of Colonnetta, but he lost it afterwards for his UndyingLoyalty to Fernández, who had lost the favor of King Ferdinand II; it's said he burst in the royal chapel and issued an open challenge on the Great Captain's honor, without receiving an answer. Disgruntled, García went rogue and became a pirate for a year, but he later found out King Ferdinand was issuing pardons for Christian knights to participate in the 1050s invasions of Africa. Once more time, Paredes' battlefield feats refloated his career, with UsefulNotes/MaximilianI, Holy Roman Emperor, hiring him as a ''maestre de campo''. After a series of battles for the Christian kingdoms in Africa and Italy, García was so famous that Pope Julius II appointed him colonel of his Catholic League, and he eventually returned to Spain's service when Maximilian's son UsefulNotes/CharlesV inherited the kingdom. He worked as a bodyguard for the new king, participating in his campaigns against the Ottoman Empire.

For all his heroic career, García would die of an unusually silly death in Bolonia, when he fell off his horse while playing with some young soldiers in his spare time (it's said he lampshaded it with his last breath). He left a son, also named Diego García de Paredes, who would serve under UsefulNotes/FranciscoPizarro in the UsefulNotes/SpanishConquestOfTheIncaEmpire and became one of governors that took down the rebellious UsefulNotes/LopeDeAguirre.

Diego García de Paredes y Torres (March 30, 1468 - February 15, 1533), best known by the RedBaron of the "Extremaduran Samson" or the "Spanish Hercules", was a Spanish soldier, commander and duelist, known in the European folklore of the 15th and 16th centuries as the WorldsBestWarrior. Separating myth from reality in his long and motley military career was already impossible back at his own day, but he would go surely into history as a terror of the battlefields, a soldier of [[CharlesAtlasSuperpower borderline superhuman strength]] who was effectively an [[OneManArmy One-Man]] ''[[BadassArmy Tercio]]'' and would achieve over 300 victories in singles duels to death. He was a primitive MemeticBadass in European letters, being immortalized by Cervantes in ''Literature/DonQuixote'' and mentioned by other authors like [[Literature/TheTrueHistoryOfTheConquestOfMexico Bernal Díaz del Castillo]].

A MilitaryBrat born in Extremadura, a Spanish land that would give birth to many conquistadores, Diego stood out for his athleticism and martial talent since his very childhood, although he also learned to read and write, which wasn't that usual back then. Possibly after an early participation in the [[UsefulNotes/SpanishReconquista capture of Granada]], Diego jumped to Italy as a mercenary, being drafted to the Vatican guard, and was eventually ascended to Papal bodyguard when UsefulNotes/PopeAlexanderVI witnessed how García beat up a whole squad of guards with a playing rod or ''barra castellana''. Unfortunately for him, after four years of highly regarded service during the UsefulNotes/ItalianWars, the Vatican kicked him out for another incident, as he dueled a nobleman and beheaded him despite the latter's pleas. García returned to his mercenary ways until being eventually drafted to the Spanish army commanded by UsefulNotes/GonzaloFernandezDeCordoba, the Great Captain, whom he had fought along in his Italian campaigns.

García's career as a Spanish soldier had a dazzling beginning at the take of the Ottoman stronghold of Cephalonia, where he protagonized such a massacre of Turks by his hand alone that when they managed to corner him, they took him alive as a WorthyOpponent, only or him to break out of his cell and keep wreaking havoc until the victory. The feat made him uber-famous among the Christians, to the point the Vatican cleared up his service record, and yet it only served as a prologue of his service under the Great Captain in the 1501-1503 expedition against the French. In a famous instance, when his proposition to go all out against the French in the Garigliano river was rejected by the cautious Fernández, an offended García placed himself strategically in a bridge, challenged the enemy lines, and started cutting down all the French soldiers that came to him, eventually attracting his countrymen to the skirmish and finishing the insanity with hundreds of French corpses. Fernández would reprimand by this, but

Prior to the expulson of the French from Italy, García had also participated in the famous Challenge of Barletta, an event in which the French, led by the legendary Pierre Terrail, seigneur de Bayard, rode up to the walls of the Spanish headquarters and goaded them to a 11 vs. 11 CombatByChampion. The Spanish Hercules was wounded at the time, but upon being required to fight, he promptly came and led his peers to a utter thrashing of the French, who were forced to cover behind their dead horses and fight for the draw. The judges conceded it at the five hour mark, but Fernández would want none of it, and when his lance and sword broke, he started pelting his opponents with the field's huge milestones until the ring of the bell.

Upon their return to Spain, García was rewarded with the Marquisate of Colonnetta, but he lost it afterwards for his UndyingLoyalty to Fernández, who had lost the favor of King Ferdinand II; it's said he burst in the royal chapel and issued an open challenge on the Great Captain's honor, without receiving an answer. Disgruntled, García went rogue and became a pirate for a year, but he later found out King Ferdinand was issuing pardons for Christian knights to participate in the 1050s invasions of Africa. Once more time, Paredes' battlefield feats refloated his career, with UsefulNotes/MaximilianI, Holy Roman Emperor, hiring him as a ''maestre de campo''. After a series of battles for the Christian kingdoms in Africa and Italy, García was so famous that Pope Julius II appointed him colonel of his Catholic League, and he eventually returned to Spain's service when Maximilian's son UsefulNotes/CharlesV inherited the kingdom. He worked as a bodyguard for the new king, participating in his campaigns for the Ottoman Empire.

For all his borderline superhuman career, García would die of an unusually silly death in Bolonia, when he fell off his horse while playing with some young soldiers in his spare time (it's said he lampshaded it in his last moments). He left a son, also named Diego García de Paredes, who would serve under UsefulNotes/FranciscoPizarro in the UsefulNotes/SpanishConquestOfTheIncaEmpire and became one of governors the that took down the rebellious UsefulNotes/LopeDeAguirre.

Diego García de Paredes y Torres (March 30, 1468 - February 15, 1533), best known by the RedBaron of the "Extremaduran Samson" or the "Spanish Hercules", was a Spanish soldier, commander and duelist, known in the European folklore of the 15th and 16th centuries as the WorldsBestWarrior. Separating myth from reality in his long and motley military career was already impossible back at his own day, but he would go surely into history as a terror of the battlefields, a soldier of [[CharlesAtlasSuperpower borderline superhuman strength]] who was effectively an [[OneManArmy One-Man]] ''[[BadassArmy Tercio]]'' and would achieve over 300 victories in singles duels to death. He was a primitive MemeticBadass in European letters, being immortalized by Cervantes in ''Literature/DonQuixote'' and mentioned by other authors like [[Literature/TheTrueHistoryOfTheConquestOfMexico Bernal Díaz del Castillo]] and Gonzalo de Oviedo.