History SoYouWantTo / WriteACharacterOfTheOppositeGender

The good news, though, is this: you don't know the answers to any of these questions, or perhaps you know them as well as anyone can. ''Everyone else is in the same boat.'' There '''is''' no authority about the differences between living in a male body vs. living in a female body, so it kind of doesn't matter if you get it wrong; getting it right is physically impossible. Now, certain choices are likely to be incorrect--men are unlikely to be blasé about wearing tight underwear because they could easily jam something in an uncomfortable position; women with large bosoms will not elect to go bra-less in any situation where their breasts might [[{{Gainaxing}} swing around loose]]--but by the same token, every person is different, and there are no rules that are 100% true about every woman or every man. For every well-endowed woman who wears a bra almost all the time, there's one who prefers not being restricted, regardless of the inconvenience. ...Well, maybe ten to one, but the simple fact that we touched on previously is that such a person ''could'' exist, and--if you're a good writer and can provide good CharacterDevelopment--you can justify her unusual behavior.

Periods suck. Your body is expelling a piece of itself, and it's coming out all gory and sticky, and you have to walk around with a chunk of wet cotton pressed against your downstairs to absorb it--how good a mood would ''you'' be in? Even worse, there are a lot of aches and pains associated with it: aside from the cramps as your uterus tears its own insides apart, you can have acne breaking out, you can get headaches, your breasts can get extremely sensitive or even feel like they're burning, you can feel sluggish and depressed, you can start [[WackyCravings craving certain foods]] (chocolate, salts, fats) to the point that it becomes an obsession, your sex drive can go completely off the charts in ''either'' direction... Of course, every woman's different. Some remain chipper while some get really emotional. Some have pain while some don't. The length of the process is different from person to person. Even the ''quantity'' of discharge can vary: Wiki/TheOtherWiki claims that the average volume is 35 milliliters but that anything from 10 to 80 mL is still "considered typical."

The feminist viewpoint probably needs no introduction. It is such a large and powerful movement that there are many branches of UsefulNotes/{{Feminism}}, but all are ultimately attempts to explain female experiences of society with the aim of improving society's treatment of women. Feminists see societies past and present as a "patriarchy" designed to exploit and oppress women, citing historical injustices against women and lingering unconscious prejudices among other things. Especially since circa 1990, most feminists assert that gender is entirely a social construct, strongly rejecting evolutionary theories.

And spend some time, additionally, thinking about what your definition of "the opposite gender" even ''is'', because you should subvert it in your writing as much as possible. If not, it'll show. Consider ''Literature/TheWheelOfTime'', the [[{{Doorstopper}} 14-book (!!!)]] magnum opus of author Robert Jordan. Almost every female character in it is a more harsh (''tsun'') {{Tsundere}}, simply because [[WriteWhoYouKnow that's what Jordan's wife is like]], and readers noticed quickly. Jordan ''did'' go to some lengths to justify his female characters being more comfortable with power and authority: his world is much more gender-even because, [[EternalRecurrence during the last Final Boss Fight]], the BigBad cursed all male wizards to go [[WithGreatPowerComesGreatInsanity batshit insane]]. 3,000 years later, male channelers are hunted down--by women--and "[[{{Depower}} gentled]]" in service of TheNeedsOfTheMany. When only women can use magic, of ''course'' patriarchy goes out the window. But even in a world where women can and do hold positions of enormous power (like "Amyrlin Seat," the elected president of the WitchSpecies and probably the single most powerful person on the continent), they wouldn't all have ''the same exact personality''. Robert Jordan's writing made it clear that while he understood ''a'' woman, he did not understand ''wom'''e'''n''.

Another potential source are post-op transgender people. They've lived in both bodies and can definitely provide you with some insight into the differences. However, there is a limit to what modern medicine can do; we can surgically alter the cosmetic aspects of the body (turn penis into vagina or vice versa), but actually shifting the ''function'' is beyond us. Someone who was born a man will never have a period or get pregnant, which is a ''bit'' of a big deal. Likewise, a female-to-male trans person can have phalloplasty and end up with a penis, but will not ejaculate (no testicles or prostate gland exist) and may have trouble achieving an erection--which is also something of a big deal, since it will limit sexual activity, and a transgender penis does not always have the same capacity for receiving pleasure as a natural penis.

** AllMenArePerverts vs AllWomenArePrudes: [[AManIsAlwaysEager A real man participates in sex]] while [[MyGirlIsNotASlut a real woman abstains]]. Women are taught that they should only have sex with their husbands, and that being sexually active before then makes them DefiledForever. ''Men'' are taught (with a few exceptions such as some religions, though the standards apply to both men and women) that having an active pre-marital sex life makes them awesome, [[AManIsNotAVirgin and ''failing'' to do]] so puts them straight into LoserArchetype territory.

*** It should be noted that sexual mores are a double bind in general. "MyGirlIsASlut" and "MyGirlIsNotASlut" are ''both'' considered character flaws, with the only "acceptable" sexual outlet for women being in the context of marriage. In addition, while the whole "AManIsNotAVirgin" thing has historically been seen as proof that a man is virile and aggressive, feminism has attempted to reframe it as predatory and self-centered, [[StrawFeminist with mixed reactions from both progressives and traditionalists]]. There has also been very little action against the idea that men who ''are'' virgins are definitive losers. This makes sexuality a [[{{Pun}} fertile]] topic for {{conflict}} in stories... and {{Flame War}}s in RealLife.

Facial hair is both a blessing and a curse. A well-created and distinguished [[BadassBeard beard]] or [[BadassMustache moustache]] can add enormous presence and dignity to a face... but a wimpy one just looks dumb. And facial hair is not created equally: some people just don't have a lot of it, and can't grow it fast or thick enough to be presentable in public.

Another possible subversion is for Alexis to try out their new cross-gender-role experience and then decide it's ''not'' everything it's turned out to be, that sticking to traditional gender roles are more preferable. This runs a heavy risk of becoming a HardTruthAesop, but it ''is'' a legitimate decision. There's still a battle going on within feminism over the StayInTheKitchen trope: some feminists believe that a woman voluntarily choosing to be a housewife or homemaker is immoral and reactionary[[note]]A "reactionary" holds the position that society should ''regress'' to a former state; that is, it should march ''back'' instead of ''[[SocietyMarchesOn on]]''.[[/note]]. Your story could take the opposing attitude; its {{Aesop}} could be, "It's okay to stick to tradition, if that's what you genuinely want." (And, for the record, most feminists would agree with this; it's only the ''really'' radical ones who believe that you are morally obligated to ignore your own desires in favor of embracing progress.)

One of the best things you can do is read fiction about men written ''by'' men, or about women written by women. It might be a good idea to stick to literature for this effort, since the written word (especially amongst the classics) is somewhat less susceptible to ExecutiveMeddling. So, men can check out things like the works of [[Creator/CharlotteBronte Charlotte]], [[Creator/EmilyBronte Emily]] and [[Creator/AnneBronte Anne]] Brontë and Creator/JaneAusten, or ''Literature/LittleWomen'' by Creator/LouisaMayAlcott, or ''Literature/GoneWithTheWind'' by Margaret Mitchell, or ''Literature/AnneOfGreenGables'' by Creator/LMMontgomery, or even early novels by Creator/AstridLindgren (who wrote several "books for girls" before switching to children's literature). On television there are shows like ''Series/GilmoreGirls'', ''Series/OrangeIsTheNewBlack'' (incidentally, the same woman, Jenji Kohan, worked on both), ''Series/TheGoldenGirls'', ''Series/CrazyExGirlfriend'' and ''{{Series/Girls}}''. On film we have ''Film/LadyBird'', ''WesternAnimation/{{Brave}}'', ''WesternAnimation/Frozen2013'', ''Film/WonderWoman2017'', ''Film/BendItLikeBeckham'', ''Film/{{Clueless}}'', ''Film/ALeagueOfTheirOwn'' and more. Also check out some of the things listed on the FourGirlEnsemble and ChromosomeCasting pages.

One of the best things you can do is read fiction about men written ''by'' men, or about women written by women. It might be a good idea to stick to literature for this effort, since the written word (especially amongst the classics) is somewhat less susceptible to ExecutiveMeddling. So, men can check out things like the works of [[Creator/CharlotteBronte Charlotte]], [[Creator/EmilyBronte Emily]] and [[Creator/AnneBronte Anne]] Brontë and Creator/JaneAusten, or ''Literature/LittleWomen'' by Creator/LouisaMayAlcott, or ''Literature/GoneWithTheWind'' by Margaret Mitchell, or ''Literature/AnneOfGreenGables'' by Creator/LMMontgomery, or even early novels by Creator/AstridLindgren (who wrote several "books for girls" before switching to children's literature). On television there are shows like ''Series/GilmoreGirls'', ''Series/OrangeIsTheNewBlack'' (incidentally, the same woman, Jenji Kohan, worked on both), ''Series/TheGoldenGirls'', ''Series/CrazyExGirlfriend'' and ''{{Series/Girls}}''. On film we have ''Film/LadyBird'', ''WesternAnimation/{{Brave}}'', ''WesternAnimation/Frozen2013'', ''Film/WonderWoman2017'', ''Film/BendItLikeBeckham'', ''Film/Clueless'', ''Film/ALeagueOfTheirOwn'' and more. Also check out some of the things listed on the FourGirlEnsemble and ChromosomeCasting pages.

* Order: a sense that all is right with the world. We occupy our proper place, we are appropriately respected for what we do, and the same is true for others. A lack of this feeling may not be common in RealLife, but almost ''all'' fiction starts with someone wanting something they don't have and deciding to go get it.

# Spiritual need: You need to feel connected to something greater than you. We are all spiritual beings.
# Passion / purpose need. You need to feel that you are on this planet for a reason. Because you are.

Another possible subversion is for Alexis to try out their new cross-gender-role experience and then decide it's ''not'' everything it's turned out to be, that sticking to traditional gender roles are more preferable. This runs a heavy risk of becoming a FamilyUnfriendlyAesop, but it ''is'' a legitimate decision. There's still a battle going on within feminism over the StayInTheKitchen trope: some feminists believe that a woman voluntarily choosing to be a housewife or homemaker is immoral and reactionary[[note]]A "reactionary" holds the position that society should ''regress'' to a former state; that is, it should march ''back'' instead of ''[[SocietyMarchesOn on]]''.[[/note]]. Your story could take the opposing attitude; its {{Aesop}} could be, "It's okay to stick to tradition, if that's what you genuinely want." (And, for the record, most feminists would agree with this; it's only the ''really'' radical ones who believe that you are morally obligated to ignore your own desires in favor of embracing progress.)

One of the best things you can do is read fiction about men written ''by'' men, or about women written by women. It might be a good idea to stick to literature for this effort, since the written word (especially amongst the classics) is somewhat less susceptible to ExecutiveMeddling. So, men can check out things like the works of [[Creator/CharlotteBronte Charlotte]], [[Creator/EmilyBronte Emily]] and [[Creator/AnneBronte Anne]] Brontë and Creator/JaneAusten, or ''Literature/LittleWomen'' by Creator/LouisaMayAlcott, or ''Literature/GoneWithTheWind'' by Margaret Mitchell, or ''Literature/AnneOfGreenGables'' by Creator/LMMontgomery, or even early novels by Creator/AstridLindgren (who wrote several "books for girls" before switching to children's literature). On television there are shows like ''Series/GilmoreGirls'', ''Series/OrangeIsTheNewBlack'' (incidentally, the same woman, Jenji Kohan, worked on both), ''Series/TheGoldenGirls'', ''Series/CrazyExGirlfriend'' and ''{{Series/Girls}}''. On film we have ''Film/LadyBird'', ''WesternAnimation/{{Brave}}'', ''WesternAnimation/{{Frozen}}'', ''Film/WonderWoman2017'', ''Film/BendItLikeBeckham'', ''Film/Clueless'', ''Film/ALeagueOfTheirOwn'' and more. Also check out some of the things listed on the FourGirlEnsemble and ChromosomeCasting pages.

One of the best things you can do is read fiction about men written ''by'' men, or about women written by women. It might be a good idea to stick to literature for this effort, since the written word (especially amongst the classics) is somewhat less susceptible to ExecutiveMeddling. So, men can check out things like the works of [[Creator/CharlotteBronte Charlotte]], [[Creator/EmilyBronte Emily]] and [[Creator/AnneBronte Anne]] Brontë and Creator/JaneAusten, or ''Literature/LittleWomen'' by Creator/LouisaMayAlcott, or ''Literature/GoneWithTheWind'' by Margaret Mitchell, or ''Literature/AnneOfGreenGables'' by Creator/LMMontgomery, or even early novels by Creator/AstridLindgren (who wrote several "books for girls" before switching to children's literature). On television there are shows like ''Series/GilmoreGirls'', ''Series/OrangeIsTheNewBlack'' (incidentally, the same woman, Jenji Kohan, worked on both), ''Series/TheGoldenGirls'' and ''{{Series/Girls}}''. On film we have things like ''Film/LadyBird'', ''WesternAnimation/{{Brave}}'', ''WesternAnimation/{{Frozen}}'', ''Film/WonderWoman2017'', ''Film/BendItLikeBeckham'', ''Film/Clueless'', ''Film/ALeagueOfTheirOwn'' and more. Also check out some of the things listed on the FourGirlEnsemble and ChromosomeCasting pages.

One of the best things you can do is read fiction about men written ''by'' men, or about women written by women. It might be a good idea to stick to literature for this effort, since the written word (especially amongst the classics) is somewhat less susceptible to ExecutiveMeddling. So, men can check out things like the works of [[Creator/CharlotteBronte Charlotte]], [[Creator/EmilyBronte Emily]] and [[Creator/AnneBronte Anne]] Brontë and Creator/JaneAusten, or ''Literature/LittleWomen'' by Creator/LouisaMayAlcott, or ''Literature/GoneWithTheWind'' by Margaret Mitchell, or ''Literature/AnneOfGreenGables'' by Creator/LMMontgomery, or even early novels by Creator/AstridLindgren (who wrote several "books for girls" before switching to children's literature). On television there are shows like ''Series/GilmoreGirls'', ''Series/OrangeIsTheNewBlack'' (incidentally, the same woman, Jenji Kohan, worked on both), ''Series/TheGoldenGirls'' and ''{{Series/Girls}}''. On film we have things like ''Film/LadyBird'', ''WesternAnimation/{{Brave}}'', ''WesternAnimation/{{Frozen}}'', ''Film/WonderWoman2017'', ''Film/BendItLikeBeckham'', ''Film/Clueless'', ''Film/ALeagueOfTheirOwn'',
Also check out some of the things listed on the FourGirlEnsemble and ChromosomeCasting pages.

One of the best things you can do is read fiction about men written ''by'' men, or about women written by women. It might be a good idea to stick to literature for this effort, since the written word (especially amongst the classics) is somewhat less susceptible to ExecutiveMeddling. So, men can check out things like the works of [[Creator/CharlotteBronte Charlotte]], [[Creator/EmilyBronte Emily]] and [[Creator/AnneBronte Anne]] Brontë and Creator/JaneAusten, or ''Literature/LittleWomen'' by Creator/LouisaMayAlcott, or ''Literature/GoneWithTheWind'' by Margaret Mitchell, or ''Literature/AnneOfGreenGables'' by Creator/LMMontgomery, or even early novels by Creator/AstridLindgren (who wrote several "books for girls" before switching to children's literature). On television there are shows like ''Series/GilmoreGirls'', ''Series/OrangeIsTheNewBlack'' (incidentally, the same woman, Jenji Kohan, worked on both), ''Series/TheGoldenGirls'' and ''{{Series/Girls}}''. Also check out some of the things listed on the FourGirlEnsemble and ChromosomeCasting pages.

** Most highly-paid corporate executives are men, while women get paid less (though arguably, this is because women are under less pressure to be breadwinners so tend to choose low-risk careers over high-paying ones).

*** Feminists believe male sexuality is always considered laudable. However, an MRA would argue the opposite is true - that male sexuality is demonized as predatory. In this view, the fact that male virgins are considered losers is not evidence of male sexuality being praised. Instead, perhaps it merely shows men face a double bind of sexual stereotypes: a sexually unsuccessful man is considered an unfuckable loser, while a sexually successful man is considered a dangerous predator.

Finally, there's always the {{Double Standard}}s article here on TV Tropes to help you out--that's where ''we'' got the above list. Study them and pay attention to the ones we've talked about.

* Air, water, food, shelter and sleep, so that we can continue to live, and in some comfort. Money, by extension, because it can be exchanged for such things.

* Order: a sense that all is right with the world. We occupy our proper place, we are appropriately respected for what we do, and the same is true for others. A lack of this feeling may not be ultra-pertinent in real life, but it's important to fiction because almost ''all'' fiction starts with someone wanting something they don't have and deciding to get it.

There are more ways of looking at it. ''VideoGame/TheSims'' has a maximum of eight biological needs, partially based on [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs]].

For something a little less time-consuming, we should point you to a [[https://twitter.com/whitneyarner/status/980330317247545349 Twitter thread]] with a simple theme: "[D]escribe yourself like a male author would." It started when a male author insisted he was perfectly qualified to write women, with his examples [[EpicFail not quite proving his case]]. This took off, with a number of [[https://medium.com/electric-literature/describe-yourself-like-a-male-author-would-is-the-most-savage-twitter-thread-in-ages-60d145d638d6 very cutting responses]], focusing largely on the idealized female form -- "The thing that stuck out to me most is how many women responded with something along the lines of, I'm old or fat or a woman of color, so I wouldn’t be described by a male author at all. I might as well be invisible." While all of them should be taken with a grain of salt, the fact that they ''remain'' excessive after said grain-of-salt should give you an idea of just how non-diverse women can be when portrayed in fiction. (And that's assuming they get portrayed at all. How many women are in the Fellowship of the Ring?) For added value, some of them are hilariously cutting:

** Women are discouraged from having bodily functions. If a man farts or burps in public, it's typically PlayedForLaughs; if he smells like sweat, it's not a big deal (though it can lead to him being shunned). But if a woman farts, or burps, or ''talks'' about farting or burping or--gasp!--pooping, then clearly she is an uncivilized savage. She must smell perfect at all times, even if she's still in the gym and just finished running five miles. And God ''forbid'' she [[NoPeriodsPeriod admit that she menstruates]]. This is because...
** Women are inherently dirty. There are a ''lot'' of body-shaming messages that go towards women, many of them contradictory: BuxomIsBetter, but if you ''do'' have nice tits, you're encouraging male attention. A woman should be perfectly hairless ''and'' should be an ungroomed Amazon. A woman [[MandatoryMotherhood should have children]], but never [[NoPeriodsPeriod menstruate]] (or [[MyGirlIsNotASlut enjoy sex]]). A woman should exhibit IncorruptiblePurePureness ''and'' BeAWhoreToGetYourMan. Men can ''do'' dirty things (work with their hands, fart, belch, scratch themselves in public), but women ''are'' dirty ''by existing'', and often overcompensate in their grooming habits.

*** A supertrope to the above; male sexuality is ''always'' considered laudable, regardless of what it is. Today we believe AllWomenArePrudes, but in AncientGrome, it was believed that AllWomenAreLustful; they were sexually out of control the way men are believed to be today. It was the man's job to have enough self-control for both of them, just as it is for women today. If he did this, he was considered studly and awesome. When a woman of today does it, she barely breaks even.

For questions that you need answers to during the writing process, online spaces such as r/AskWomen and r/AskMen can provide insights into what the opposite gender is thinking. Of course, bear in mind that each response will be from an individual who is not necessarily representative of their group.

There are many different theories about gender which can result in different advice on how to write characters. These include nature-centered theories, which can be mystical or scientific, and nurture-centered theories, which can be feminist or from a male perspective.

** One of the worst things you can call a(n American) woman is a [[CountryMatters cunt]]. The C-word is considered the dirtiest word in the English language, surpassing even the PrecisionFStrike. Feminists believe this says something about how much derogation women are thought to need. They argue the fact that the most hated and derision-worthy element of a woman is her vagina--not her uterus or ovaries, from which she brings forth life; not her [[BuxomIsBetter breasts]] or [[StuffyOldSongsAboutTheButtocks rear]], which are her most visible symbols of femininity; but her vagina, the organ with which she interacts sexually with men--points out how deeply misogyny is built into English-speaking culture, values and language. (A non-feminist might argue for the ''opposite'' point of view on the C-word: that it shows the vagina is seen as so sacred that you’re not allowed to insult it. And there are also plenty of insults based on words for male genitalia - "dick", "cock", "dickhead", etc.)

Walking in these shoes can be, well, daunting. Fortunately, you have an imagination, which will allow you to walk in the shoes of someone else who has lived under these double standards, under different ones from you. You've also probably noticed some of them at work, or heard people you are close to talking about them. If you have friends of the opposite sex (you probably do), you can ask them for help. Finally, there's always the {{Double Standard}}s article here on TV Tropes to help you out--that's where ''we'' got the above list. Study them and pay attention to the ones we've talked about.

** And, let's face it: ''[[GirlShowGhetto femininity itself is seen as a negative quality]]''. One of the worst things you can call a(n American) woman is a [[CountryMatters cunt]], to indicate that she is cruel and unpleasant--or, in other words, unkind; one of the worst things you can call a(n American) man is a pussy, to indicate that he is weak and cowardly--or, in other words, not mean. ''Both'' are slang terms for the vagina. In and of itself, "pussy" is not a particularly shocking word; it has been acceptable on television ever since [[Series/AreYouBeingServed 1972]], and let's not forget it's also associated with [[CuteKitten kitty]] [[ThisIndexMeows cats]]! The C-word, on the other hand, is considered the dirtiest word in the English language, surpassing even the PrecisionFStrike.[[note]]The N-word is a strange case; its potency depends on [[NWordPrivileges who says it]].[[/note]] This says something about how much derogation women are thought to need. And the fact that the most hated and derision-worthy element of a woman is her vagina--not her uterus or ovaries, from which she brings forth life; not her [[BuxomIsBetter breasts]] or [[StuffyOldSongsAboutTheButtocks rear]], which are her most visible symbols of femininity; but her vagina, the organ with which she interacts sexually with men--points out how deeply misogyny is built into English-speaking culture, values and language.

Women also evaluate each other as competition in a way men do not, and this can influence the way they treat each other. (Men also see each other as sexual competition, which probably explains why most violence is male-on-male - but it's less clear to men on what parameters they are being judged by women, so male competition has an added layer of mystery.)

!!!Sexual Competition

Women feel that their bodies are judged basically all the time, as they are being evaluated by men as potential sexual partners. When some men catcall at an attractive woman, they believe they're being complimentary, and perhaps in their heart they genuinely mean well. They may also consider it a right (perhaps fearing a crackdown on sexual remarks would reduce their sexual opportunities, however clumsy their approach). In any case the existence of catcallers means that, if you are a woman, the mere act of ''stepping out your front door'' involves putting yourself on sexual display.

First off, there is a stereotype that men are totally unconcerned about their appearance, and will happily go out in public unshaven, with mismatched socks, and generally in an unfinished state that no self-respecting woman would allow herself to be seen in. This leads a lot of women to believe that men are simply immune to the body-image issues epitomized by tropes like HollywoodHomely or HollywoodPudgy. The truth is, men ''do'' have body-image issues. But once again, men are trained [[TheStoic not to show their emotions]], especially not their insecurities; they are expected to be islands unto themselves. Men who admit insecurity about their attractiveness are mocked and demonized as "losers", "incels", "Nice GuysTM", etc by both traditionalists and feminists. So they keep it to themselves. But that doesn't mean they don't feel it.

Additionally, it can be much harder for men to get any sort of grounding in the area, because women tend to be much less open about which types of men they prefer. Most men rarely if ever receive ''any'' sexual attention, so they may have no idea whether they are attractive or not. This is particularly bad for men who are too shy/awkward/anxious/autistic to make sexual approaches themselves, because if a man does not go out of his way to try to form sexual relationships, sex is unlikely to happen for him.

!!Societal
Another pitfall is the social differences between men and women. We've covered them to a certain extent, in terms of gender roles, but here, we're going to tackle something else: ''how men and women treat each other''. Much of gender politics is tied up in these things, and much of the hard work of repairing or undoing the current state of gender politics will take place here. There is much that could be said, but here's some basics:
* According to the feminist perspective, men are typically accorded the place of dominance in mixed-gender social situations. However, many non-feminists dispute whether and to what extent this happens, whether apparent ''displays'' of male dominance are actual male dominance, and whether the status of elite males does anything to benefit males in general.
** Most highly-paid corporate executives are men, while women get paid less (though arguably, this is because women are under less pressure to be breadwinners so tend to choose low-risk careers over high-paying ones).
** Men predominate in many fields such as STEM ([[FunWithAcronyms science, technology, engineering and math]]), not to mention positions of authority in politics and religion.
** Feminists argue catcalling is evidence that men are "allowed" to sexually appraise just about any woman they want to. (However, non-feminists would dispute this claim. Who is telling women they’re not allowed to sexually appraise men? If a woman wants to catcall men on the street, what is stopping her that wouldn’t stop a man? And even before feminists criticized things like catcalling, weren't traditionalists criticizing it as unchivalrous?)
* Many cultures believe that the attitudes of the "LikeBrotherAndSister" or "PlatonicLifePartners" tropes are bullshit--including, in some cases, the tropes themselves. Men and women, it's believed, [[JustFriends cannot coexist for much time before flirting begins]] (whether one-sided or mutual). This is an extension of the whole MarsAndVenusGenderContrast thing; women and men are ''so'' different, it's believed, that the only thing they have in common, or ''can'' have in common, is that they want to have sex with each other. (And even then there will be arguments. [[SarcasmMode Doesn't that sound like a pleasant marriage, by the way?]]--disagreeing with your spouse about every single thing, and never being able to find common ground? Because, according to traditionalism, that's a correct marriage.)
* [[PoorCommunicationKills Men don't really talk about things]]. This is partially because of all them double standards. If a man is pleased, or offended, or dismayed, he may go out of his way ''not'' to show it to others... partly because displaying emotion is something that women are given more license to do. And even if he's right, others may still shame him for having feelings at all. However, this does not mean that men do not and cannot have meaningful conversations; it just means that a man is more likely to be careful about whom he has those conversations ''with'', since he needs to trust that the other party will listen to him and/or not make fun of him.
* Women get a fair bit of socialization to avoid direct conflict. This is why there is the stereotype of the catty woman who "kills with kindness" and does verbal backstabbing once you're out of earshot.

First off, there is a stereotype that men are totally unconcerned about their appearance, and will happily go out in public unshaven, with mismatched socks, and generally in an unfinished state that no self-respecting woman would allow herself to be seen in. This leads a lot of women to believe that men are simply immune to the body-image issues epitomized by tropes like HollywoodHomely or HollywoodPudgy. The truth is, men ''do'' have body-image issues. But once again, men are trained [[TheStoic not to show their emotions]], especially not their insecurities; they are expected to be islands unto themselves. Men who admit insecurity about their attractiveness are mocked and demonized as "losers", "incels", "Nice GuysTM", etc by both traditionalists and feminists. So they keep it to themselves. But that doesn't mean they don't feel it.

Additionally, it can be much harder for men to get any sort of grounding in the area, because women tend to be much less open about which types of men they prefer. Most men rarely if ever receive any sexual attention, so they may have no idea whether they are attractive or not. This is particularly bad for men who are too shy/awkward/anxious/autistic to make sexual approaches themselves, because if a man does not go out of his way to try to form sexual relationships, sex is unlikely to happen for him.

Another possible factor: If a woman were to go to her girl-friends and say, "I'm concerned that my arms have too much fat on them," they will be able to point out a dozen other women around her who have fatter ones. Male friends would not be able to, because men are not actually allowed to look at each other, not in the frank assessments necessary to get any grounding as to what actual human beings look like these days.

Women feel that their bodies are judged basically all the time. Women evaluate each other as competition in a way men do not (remember, men aren't actually allowed to ''look'' at each other), and this can influence the way they treat each other. Additionally, women are being evaluated ''by men'' as potential sexual partners basically all the time. When men catcall at an attractive woman, they believe they're being complimentary, and perhaps in their heart they genuinely mean well. But they also consider it their ''right''--"This is a fundamental thing, we're allowed to do it, you can't take it away from us"--which means that, if you are a woman, the mere act of ''stepping out your front door'' involves putting yourself on sexual display.

* In mixed-gender social situations, men are typically accorded the place of dominance. This happens in overt ways--most highly-paid corporate executives are men; women get paid less; men still dominate the STEM fields ([[FunWithAcronyms science, technology, engineering and math]]), not to mention politics, media and religion--but also in subtle ways, like the catcalling thing described above where men are allowed to sexually appraise just about any woman they want to.
** Additionally, many cultures believe that the attitudes of the "LikeBrotherAndSister" or "PlatonicLifePartners" tropes are bullshit--including, in some cases, the tropes themselves. Men and women, it's believed, [[JustFriends cannot coexist for much time before flirting begins]] (whether one-sided or mutual). This is an extension of the whole MarsAndVenusGenderContrast thing; women and men are ''so'' different, it's believed, that the only thing they have in common, or ''can'' have in common, is that they want to have sex with each other. (And even then there will be arguments. [[SarcasmMode Doesn't that sound like a pleasant marriage, by the way?]]--disagreeing with your spouse about every single thing, and never being able to find common ground? Because, according to patriarchy, that's a correct marriage.)
* In single-gender social situations, it's a RunningGag that [[PoorCommunicationKills men don't really talk about things]]. This is partially because of all them double standards. If a man is pleased, or offended, or dismayed, he goes out of his way ''not'' to show it to other men... because, remember, displaying emotion is a ''giiiiirl'' thing. And even if he's right, other men will still shame him for having feelings at all. However, this does not mean that men do not and cannot have meaningful conversations; it just means that a man is more likely to be careful about whom he has those conversations ''with'', since he needs to trust that the other party will listen to him and/or not make fun of him.
* Women get a fair bit of socialization to avoid direct conflict. This is why there is the stereotype of the catty woman who "kills with kindness" and does verbal backstabbing once you're out of earshot. It is not as prevalent than the "guys don't talk" thing.

Be very, very wary of getting [[ShapeshifterModeLock Mode Locked]]. When you're starting out, it's easy to just stick to that which is stereotypical about women (catty, judged by society, concerned with male attention) and men (sloppy, obsessed with sports and cars, disinterested in his emotions). But this can get old quickly, not to mention undermine the WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief. "StopBeingStereotypical" is difficult to take seriously if a character says it; if ''the audience'' says it, you're in serious trouble.

The feminist viewpoint probably needs no introduction. It is such a large and powerful movement that there are many branches of feminist theory, but all are ultimately attempts to explain female experiences of society with the aim of improving society's treatment of women. Feminists see societies past and present as a "patriarchy" designed to exploit and oppress women, citing historical injustices against women and lingering unconscious prejudices among other things. Especially since circa 1990, most feminists assert that gender is entirely a social construct, strongly rejecting evolutionary theories.

Feminism's SpearCounterpart has many names but probably the most common is the Men's Rights Movement(though YMMV on whether "rights" is the best word in this context). The MRM does for male perspectives what feminism did for female perspectives, and criticizes feminism as a one-sided "equality" that has often reinforced male disadvantages while dismantling male advantages. They believe men are falsely demonized as malicious, powerful, and invulnerable. Many also question how much "real" power men had in the traditional "patriarchy", arguing men's apparently "dominant" role was actually a risky protector-provider role that benefited women more than men. MRM ideas tend to draw on evolutionary psychology as an ultimate explanation, but emphasize the influence of society on men.

Now, as to repression: In TheFifties, gender roles were very clearly defined. Men go out of the house to work; women StayInTheKitchen. But in TheSixties there was this thing called "UsefulNotes/{{Feminism}}," a movement that coalesced in order to argue that, while men and women ''are'' different in some ways (like the fact that women can get pregnant and men can pee standing up), most of those ways are not very important in terms of how society ''needs'' to treat people. In other words, as far as feminism is concerned, ''gender roles are societal, not biological,'' and just about anything a man can do, a woman can do as well. And vice versa.

Additionally, we need to make a distinction ''between'' sex and gender, because many people conflate them. Your "sex" involves your chromosomes, from which descends your genitalia and a few other things (like boobs). Your "gender" involves, well, your gender role--how society trains you to act ''in light of'' your chromosomes and all the stuff that dangles from them. But, again, ''gender is very cultural''. Just take PinkGirlBlueBoy. It's NewerThanTheyThink; pink--an offshade of the very masculine red--used to be a male color, while blue--associated with IncorruptiblePurePureness via the TrueBlueFemininity exhibited by [[Literature/TheBible the Virgin Mary]]--is still at least partially female. In Asia, the Communist Party of China abolished the "StayInTheKitchen" mentality and encouraged women to become equal partners, with equal pay, in the economic process. (It worked, as it happened.) In South America, machismo is in... but includes being sensitive to one's partners and being a kind and loving father, something that stoic models of North-American masculinity do not include. It's [[ValuesDissonance all relative]].

The point we're trying to make here is this: sex is ''biological;'' it's "assigned" to you in the womb. But ''gender'' is ''cultural;'' it's something you are ''taught''. (Okay, that's also a gross oversimplification, but it works for the purposes of this article.) This is how we have tropes like TomboyAndGirlyGirl, GenderBlenderName, MasculineGirlFeminineBoy: [[{{Koan}} just because a person]] ''[[{{Koan}} has]]'' [[{{Koan}} girl-parts doesn't mean she has to]] ''[[{{Koan}} play]]'' [[{{Koan}} girl parts]] in her social life, or vice versa. Historically, women (and men!) would get in trouble for trying to do things that were traditionally allocated to the AlwaysMale or AlwaysFemale category, but the fact that they tried to do so ''at all'' just proves our point: You can ''choose'' whether you want to be masculine or feminine, regardless of what junk you have.

Of course, these base drives raise a new question: now that we know what a person wants, how is he or she going to ''get'' it? And here's where gender starts to come in, because it has a big impact on ''execution''. To get food, water, shelter and money, a man is typically expected to go out and learn an industry; a woman is typically expected to... be a GoldDigger or get an MRSDegree. So this is where the differences come in.

Once again, we have good news for you: your opposite-gender character ''is not required to be {{troperiffic}}.'' He or she today has a ''choice'' of what gender s/he presents to the world. If a woman wants to go out and be a high-powered business executive, she ''can'' be. If a man wants to be a househusband, he ''can'' be. Both of them are going to get odd looks whilst doing it, because patriarchy is not dead, but the option is open.

Here is where we start getting into the territory of {{Double Standard}}s: those old chestnuts that dominate so much of gender politics. Women are expected to be one thing and men another, because male and female personalities are completely, polar-opposite, YinYangClash- or MarsAndVenusGenderContrast-level different. This is the fundamental belief of patriarchy: that men and women are DifferentAsNightAndDay, and '''''never''''' the twain shall meet. A great deal of social conditioning goes into programming people to believe this. This logic sucks, but it is nevertheless useful to us as writers because it lets us apply the vast majority of our experiences. Whatever we were taught to be, we just [[InvertedTrope do the opposite]].

Another potential source are post-op transgender people. They've lived in both bodies and can definitely provide you with some insight into the differences. However, there is a limit to what modern medicine can do; we can surgically alter the cosmetic aspects of the body (turn penis into vagina or vice versa), but actually shifting the ''function'' is beyond us. Someone who was born a man will never have a period or get pregnant, which is a ''bit'' of a big deal. Likewise, a female-to-male trans person can have phalloplasty and end up with a penis, but will not ejaculate (no testicles or prostate gland exist) and may have trouble achieving an erection--which is also something of a big deal, since [[RagingStiffie the darn thing gets hard at random times for no reason]] and it will limit sexual activity. While there are upsides to ''not'' have to deal with unwanted erections, and some guys probably would be too... but there's also the fact that a transgener penis does not always have the same capacity for receiving pleasure as a natural penis, also due to the fact that it cannot ejaculate. The point is, it ''happens'', and learning to deal with it is part of the experience of being male.

First off, there is a stereotype that men are totally unconcerned about their appearance, and will happily go out in public unshaven, with mismatched socks, and generally in an unfinished state that no self-respecting woman would allow herself to be seen in. This leads a lot of women to believe that men are simply immune to the body-image issues epitomized by tropes like HollywoodHomely or HollywoodPudgy. The truth is, men ''do'' have body-image issues. But once again, men are trained [[TheStoic not to show their emotions]], especially not their insecurities. Additionally, it can be much harder for men to get any sort of grounding in the area because they are expected to be islands unto themselves. If a woman were to go to her girl-friends and say, "I'm concerned that my arms have too much fat on them," they will be able to point out a dozen other women around her who have fatter ones. Male friends would not be able to, because men are not actually allowed to look at each other, not in the frank assessments necessary to get any grounding as to what actual human beings look like these days. So they keep it to themselves. But that doesn't mean they don't feel it.

And a man's genitals are not between his legs, they are in front of them. It is in fact possible for a man to sit cross-legged, but most don't, because 1) the risk is not worth the effort, and 2) ''women'' sit cross-legged, and men aren't allowed to do anything women do. (It's kind of interesting how patriarchy, an attitude that supposedly is all about promoting male freedom at the expense of female freedom, actually restricts both.)

Women feel judged basically all the time. Women evaluate each other as competition in a way men do not (remember, men aren't actually allowed to ''look'' at each other), and this can influence the way they treat each other. Additionally, women are being evaluated ''by men'' as potential sexual partners basically all the time. When men catcall at an attractive woman, they believe they're being complimentary, and perhaps in their heart they genuinely mean well. But they also consider it their ''right''--"This is a fundamental thing, we're allowed to do it, you can't take it away from us"--which means that, if you are a woman, the mere act of ''stepping out your front door'' involves putting yourself on sexual display.

You could probably spend a ''lot'' of time on color motifs. Remember all that stuff about PinkGirlBlueBoy? Now, colors are a cultural thing, but that doesn't mean you can't use them. Heck, depending on your setting, you could even start making things up!

It might also be worth checking out ''Series/SexAndTheCity'' and ''Series/DesperateHousewives'', because their showrunners were men. Two of the most prominent female-centric shows in recent history were run by men.

Comparatively, the documentary ''Film/TheRedPill'', focusing on Men's Rights, was made by a woman yet is pro-men (though this had not been the filmmaker's initial intention, it's an interesting case). This shows that a female lens to a subject does not necessarily make it female-biased. These productions prove that it is possible to do a good job writing or representing people of the gender you are not.

Feminism's SpearCounterpart has many names but probably the most common is Men's Rights Advocacy (though YMMV on whether "rights" is the best word in this context). It does for male perspectives what feminism did for female perspectives. MRAs believe men are falsely demonized as malicious, powerful, and invulnerable, and argue feminism has neglected and often reinforced male disadvantages while dismantling male advantages. Many MRAs also question how much "real" power men had in the traditional "patriarchy", arguing men's apparently "dominant" role was actually a risky protector-provider role that benefited women more than men. MRA ideas tend to draw on evolutionary psychology as an ultimate explanation, but emphasize the role of culture in socializing, restricting, and demonizing men.