History SoYouWantTo / WriteACharacterOfTheOppositeGender

One of the best things you can do is read fiction about men written ''by'' men, or about women written by women. It might be a good idea to stick to literature for this effort, since the written word (especially amongst the classics) is somewhat less susceptible to ExecutiveMeddling. So, men can check out things like the works of [[Creator/CharlotteBronte Charlotte]], [[Creator/EmilyBronte Emily]] and [[Creator/AnneBronte Anne]] Brontë and Creator/JaneAusten, or ''Literature/LittleWomen'' by Creator/LouisaMayAlcott, or ''Literature/GoneWithTheWind'' by Margaret Mitchell, or ''Literature/AnneOfGreenGables'' by Creator/LMMontgomery, or even early novels by Creator/AstridLindgren (who wrote several "books for girls" before switching to children's literature). On television there are shows like ''Series/GilmoreGirls'', ''Series/OrangeIsTheNewBlack'' (incidentally, the same woman, Jenji Kohan, worked on both), ''Series/TheGoldenGirls'' and ''{{Series/Girls}}''. Also check out some of the things listed on the FourGirlEnsemble and ChromosomeCasting pages, and possibly works that pass TheBechdelTest (though this litmus is somewhat disputed in terms of usefulness).

And spend some time, additionally, thinking about what your definition of "the opposite gender" even ''is'', because you should subvert it in your writing as much as possible. If not, it'll show. Consider ''Literature/TheWheelOfTime'', the 14-book (!!!) magnum opus of author Robert Jordan. Almost every female character in it is a Type A {{Tsundere}}, simply because [[WriteWhoYouKnow that's what Jordan's wife is like]], and readers noticed quickly. Jordan ''did'' go to some lengths to justify his female characters being more comfortable with power and authority: the world is much more gender-even because, [[EternalRecurrence during the last Final Boss Fight]], the BigBad cursed all male wizards to go [[WithGreatPowerComesGreatInsanity batshit insane]]. 3000 years later, male channelers are hunted down--by women--and "[[{{Depower}} gentled]]" in service of TheNeedsOfTheMany. When only women can use magic, of ''course'' patriarchy goes out the window. But it still revealed that Jordan's opinion on what women are like had some serious gaps in it. Even in a world where women can and do hold positions of enormous power (like "Amyrlin Seat," the elected president of the WitchSpecies), they won't all have ''the same personality''. It is clear that while Robert Jordan understood ''a'' woman, he did not understand ''women''. You might not either, but you can at least fake it by not making them identical.

** Part of the reason men are required to be TheStoic is because women are allowed to show emotions; consequently, emotions are a feminine thing, and men must not show them. This becomes an even ''bigger'' DoubleStandard when we point out that women who ''do'' use their emotions to get their way are considered weak and undisciplined, especially if this takes place in a workplace environment. (And while [[DumbassHasAPoint there is something valid to be said about professionalism]], that still leaves the problem of punishing women for ''conforming'' to societal norms.) The UnfortunateImplication is, simply, that ''emotions'' are a sign of weakness; the reason women are allowed to exhibit them is that they're [[StayInTheKitchen weak to begin with]].

* In mixed-gender social situations, men are typically accorded the place of dominance. This happens in overt ways--most highly-paid corporate executives are men; women get paid less; men still dominate the STEM fields (science, technology, engineering and math), not to mention politics, media and religion--but also in subtle ways, like the catcalling thing described above.

One of the best things you can do is read fiction about men written ''by'' men, or about women written by women. It might be a good idea to stick to literature for this effort, since the written word (especially amongst the classics) is somewhat less susceptible to ExecutiveMeddling. So, men can check out things like the works of [[Creator/CharlotteBronte Charlotte]], [[Creator/EmilyBronte Emily]] and [[Creator/AnneBronte Anne]] Brontë and Creator/JaneAusten, or ''Literature/LittleWomen'' by Creator/LouisaMayAlcott, or ''Literature/GoneWithTheWind'' by Margaret Mitchell, or ''Literature/AnneOfGreenGables'' by Creator/LMMontgomery, or even early novels by Creator/AstridLindgren (who wrote several "books for girls" before switching to children's literature).
On television there are shows like ''Series/GilmoreGirls'', ''Series/OrangeIsTheNewBlack'' (incidentally, the same woman, Jenji Kohan, worked on both), ''Series/TheGoldenGirls'' and ''{{Series/Girls}}''. Also check out some of the things listed on the FourGirlEnsemble and ChromosomeCasting pages, and possibly works that pass TheBechdelTest (though this litmus is somewhat disputed in terms of usefulness).
For women, this is a little easier, since the larger majority of fiction is written by men for men. Almost every BuddyCopShow, almost every {{Western}}, almost every action movie, ''huge'' swaths of ScienceFiction and {{Fantasy}}...

* In single-gender social situations, it's a RunningGag that men don't really talk about things. This is partially because of all them double standards. If a man is pleased, or offended, or dismayed, he goes out of his way ''not'' to show it to other men... because, remember, displaying emotion is a ''giiiiirl'' thing. And even if he's right ("Guys, rape jokes aren't funny"), other men will still shame him for having feelings at all. However, this does not mean that men do not and cannot have meaningful conversations; it just means that a man is more likely to be careful about whom he has those conversations ''with'', since he needs to trust that the other party will listen to him and/or not make fun of him.

One of the best things you can do is read fiction about men written ''by'' men, or about women written by women. It might be a good idea to stick to literature for this effort, since the written word (especially amongst the classics) is somewhat less susceptible to ExecutiveMeddling. So, men can check out things like ''Literature/LittleWomen'' by Creator/LouisaMayAlcott or ''Literature/PrideAndPrejudice'' by Creator/JaneAusten. On television there are shows like ''Series/GilmoreGirls'', ''Series/OrangeIsTheNewBlack'' (incidentally, the same woman, Jenji Kohan, worked on both), ''Series/TheGoldenGirls'' and ''Series/Girls''. Also check out some of the things listed on the FourGirlEnsemble and ChromosomeCasting pages, and possibly works that pass TheBechdelTest (though this litmus is somewhat disputed in terms of usefulness). For women, this is a little easier, since the larger majority of fiction is written by men and for men. Almost every BuddyCopShow, almost every {{Western}}, almost every action movie, ''huge'' swaths of ScienceFiction and {{Fantasy}}...

There is a fascinating book called ''[[http://amzn.com/0143038702 Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man]]''. The author, Norah Vincent, is a ButchLesbian who did a real-life SweetPollyOliver for 18 months for the purposes of journalism. It's one of the closest things we're going to get to a magical gender-flip ray; Vincent talks candidly about how men treat each other, and the perspective it gave her on being a woman. Sadly, no parallel book about men passing as women yet exists. (Note, in fact, that DudeLooksLikeALady is almost always PlayedForLaughs; there are very few dramas in which a man dresses as a woman.)

What we ''are'' saying is that what counts as "feminine" and what counts as "masculine" is by no means universal; they change depending on the ''where'' and the ''when''. So do the ''responses'' to feminine men and masculine women. In some places, deviation is punished severely--there are constant tales out of the Middle East and India about people doing savage things to women because she acted on her sexual desires. In some places, people turn a blind eye; in AncientGrome, nobody cared who you slept with as long as you knocked up your wife. (Mythological Greece was very patriarchal; their word for wife, "gynē," also meant "womb" and gives us the modern word "gynecology". This tells you something about what Achaean men thought their women were good for.) And in some places you might even get applause for it: in feudal Japan, BoysLove was considered ''virtuous'' because it meant you were so RatedMForManly that women couldn't satisfy you! ...Of course, you were expected to be the {{seme}}. (We must have ''some'' standards here.) And this gets us right back to the first point about how the definitions of masculinity and femininity change depending on time and place. In most locales, the {{uke}}--the gay man who plays the role of the girl when it comes time for sexual intercourse--is considered perverted. On occasion he is venerated, as he was in Shogunate Japan, but not most of the time. Think about modern American culture, where the idea of the seme does not even really ''exist'' (the closest is HardGay, which itself is almost a caricature), and the CampGay--you know, the effeminate one?--is the typical stereotype. When two Camp Gays get together, who's on top? American Homophobia would prefer we not answer that question. (Which is a little hypocritical of American Homophobia, since it's he who insists that the dilemma exist by refusing to admit that gay men can be masculine. But we digress.)

Periods suck. Your body is expelling a piece of itself, and it’s coming out all gory and sticky, and you have to walk around with a chunk of wet cotton pressed against your downstairs to absorb it--how good a mood would ‘’you’’ be in? Even worse, there are a lot of aches and pains associated with it: aside from the cramps as your uterus tears its own insides apart, you can have acne breaking out, you can get headaches, your breasts can get extremely sensitive or even feel like they're burning, you can feel sluggish and depressed, you can start craving certain foods (chocolate, salts, fats) to the point that it becomes an obsession, your sex drive can go completely off the charts in ''either'' direction... Of course, every woman’s different. Some remain chipper while some get really emotional. Some have pain while some don’t. The length of the process is different from person to person. Even the ''quantity'' of discharge can vary: TheOtherWiki claims that the average volume is 35 milliliters but that anything from 10 to 80 mL is still “considered typical.”

Women feel judged basically all the time. Women evaluate each other as competition in a way men do not (remember, men aren't actually allowed to ''look'' at each other), and this can influence the way they treat each other. Additionally, women are being evaluated ''by men'', as potential sexual partners, basically all the time. When men catcall at an attractive woman, they believe they're being complimentary, and perhaps in their heart they genuinely mean well. But they also consider it their ''right''--"This is a fundamental thing, we're allowed to do it, you can't take it away from us"--which means that, if you are a woman, the mere act of ''stepping out your front door'' involves putting yourself on sexual display.

So: the definitions of "masculine" and "feminine", and reactions to people who break the mold, will change depending on the culture and time period your story is set in. You know what this means: ''research''. What ''did'' men do, in your setting? And what did women do? If, for instance, you set your story in AncientGrome, it might be tempting to shoot for the MenAreUncultured trope; your heroic Grecian or Roman of course wants to prove himself a rough-and-tumble son-of-a-bitch with no interest in mental exercise when he could be engaging in ''physical'' exercise--amirite? No, you're not; Ancient Greece had one of the highest per-capita ratios of {{Cultured Badass}}es and {{Genius Bruiser}}s in recorded history, and having both physical and mental fortitude was considered a mark of excellence. Creator/{{Socrates}}, THEPhilosopher and the father of [[ContemplateOurNavels Contemplating Our Navels]], served with distinction in several battles and is believed to have made his living as a stonecutter (navel-contemplation not being very profitable). Your epitome of MenAreUncultured would be considered in Greece what he's considered today: an idiot. And not in a good way.

It is difficult to describe the sensation of a GroinAttack. One feels like vomiting, similar to being punched in the stomach, but this is accompanied by intense pain of a sort that it is difficult to analogize to a woman because they simply don’t have anything quite as sensitive. (In exchange, they get a clitoris.) Even a glancing blow is enough to cause this sort of reaction.

Here we start getting into the territory of {{Double Standard}}s, those old chestnuts that dominate so much of gender politics. Women are expected to be one thing and men another, because male and female personalities are completely, polar-opposite, YinYangClash- or MarsAndVenusGenderContrast-level different. [[CaptainObvious This logic sucks]], but it's useful to us as writers because it lets us apply our experiences. Whatever we were taught to be, we just do the opposite.

** AllGirlsWantBadBoys: {{Nice Guy}}s finish last because kindness is feminine, and thus unmanly (see below). Additionally, women are too stupid to think with their big heads and will go for JerkWithAHeartOfJerk types simply because they’re TroubledButCute. Finally, this can result in EntitledToHaveYou attitudes from men both Nice and Bad, precisely ''because'' they fit the stereotype.

*** To an even more general extent, male sexuality ''at all'' is considered laudable, regardless of what it is. Today we believe AllWomenArePrudes, but in AncientGrome, it was believed that AllWomenAreLustful; they were sexually out of control the way men are believed to be today. It was the man's job to have enough self-control for both of them, just as it is for women today. When an ancient-Greek man did this, he got bonus points on his KarmaMeter. When a modern woman does it, she barely breaks even.

** MoustacheDePlume. For a woman to be taken seriously in a male-dominated field, she has to hide her masculinity. She might also have to over-compensate for her femininity, at which point she’s likely to be considered a bitch. This segues into a separate but prevalent trope: being male is the default setting in many workplace environments, and women are evaluated on how well they can be male. And when, as you might expect, they're not the greatest at it, they are ''penalized'' for failing to be male, whereas a male colleague displaying identical behavior would simply be written off as, y'know, [[TriviallyObvious having a personality]].

** Part of the reason men are required to be TheStoic is because women are allowed to show emotions; consequently, emotions are a feminine thing, and men must not show them. This becomes an even ''bigger'' DoubleStandard when we point out that women who ''do'' use their emotions to get their way are considered weak and undisciplined, especially if this takes place in a workplace environment. (And while [[DumbassHasAPoint there is a valid point to be made about professionalism]], that still leaves the problem of punishing women for ''conforming'' to societal norms.) The UnfortunateImplication is, simply, that ''emotions'' are a sign of weakness; the reason women are allowed to exhibit them is that they're [[StayInTheKitchen weak to begin with]].
** And, let's face it: ''femininity itself is seen as a negative quality''. One of the worst things you can call a(n American) woman is a [[CountryMatters cunt]], to indicate that she is cruel and unpleasant--or, in other words, mean; one of the worst things you can call a(n American) man is a pussy, to indicate that he is weak and cowardly--or, in other words, not strong. ''Both'' are slang terms for the vagina. In and of itself, "pussy" is not a particularly shocking word; it has been acceptable on television ever since [[Series/AreYouBeingServed 1972]]; the C-word, on the other hand, is the dirtiest word in the English language, surpassing even the F-bomb.[[note]]The N-word is a strange case; its potency depends on [[NWordPrivileges who says it]].[[/note]] This says volumes about how women are valued compared to men. And the fact that the most derision-worthy element of a woman is her vagina--not her uterus or ovaries, from which she brings forth life; not her [[BuxomIsBetter breasts]] or derriere, which are the most visible symbols of femininity; but her vagina, the organ with which she interacts sexually with men--speaks volumes about how deeply misogyny is built into English-speaking culture, values and language.

musciOur goal here is to educate. We are trying to help people write characters of the sex they personally are not. Your viewpoint is of inestimable value in this; it helps writers understand what is being said and thought and believed ''about'' sex and gender in the world today. However, by the same token, everybody else's viewpoints--including the ones you disagree with--are ''also'' of value, because whether or not you agree with them, they are still being said. As such, ''do not change paragraphs you disagree with''. Simply add your own perspective and move on.

** And, let's face it: ''femininity itself is seen as a negative quality''. One of the worst things you can call a(n American) woman is a [[CountryMatters cunt]], to indicate that she is cruel and unpleasant--or, in other words, mean; one of the worst things you can call a(n American) man is a pussy, to indicate that he is weak and cowardly--or, in other words, not strong. ''Both'' are slang terms for the vagina. In and of itself, "pussy" is not a particularly shocking word; it has been acceptable on television ever since [[Series/AreYouBeingServed 1972]]; the C-word, on the other hand, is the dirtiest word in the English language, surpassing even the F-bomb.[[note]]The N-word is a strange case; its potency depends on [[NWordPrivileges who says it]].[[/note]] This says volumes about how women are valued compared to men. And hell, the fact that defining trait of a woman is considered to be her vagina--not her uterus or ovaries, from which descend life; not her [[BuxomIsBetter breasts]] or derriere, which are the most visible symbolS of femininity; but her vagina, the organ with which she interacts sexually with men--speaks volumes about how deeply misogyny is built into English-speaking culture, values and language.

Our goal here is to educate. We are trying to help people write characters of the sex they personally are not. Your viewpoint is of inestimable value in this; it helps writers understand what is being said and thought and believed ''about'' sex and gender in the world today. However, by the same token, everybody else's viewpoints--including the ones you disagree with--are ''also'' of value, because whether or not you agree with them, they are still being said. As such, ''do not change paragraphs you disagree with''. Simply add your own perspective and move on.

And here's the fun part: TakeAThirdOption ''again''. Which characters will provide support, and which scorn? And why? As an author you can have a ''great'' deal of fun subverting expectations. The muscle-bound quarterback who tries to scare Alexis off the field: maybe he's a gentleman who has seen too many friends injured while trying to play, and is legitimately concerned that a girl (typically the more fragile of the human species) will get flattened to a pulp in one play or another. And the one who is supportive and encourages her: perhaps he's secretly a male supremacist and is trying to get her in over her head so that she ''does'' get hurt. Motivation is motivation, but it can be expressed in a myriad of different ways, and you don't by any means need to stick to the stereotypes or traditions. Alexis sure isn't.

Another possible subversion is for Alexis to try out their new cross-gender-role experience and then decide it's ''not'' everything it's turned out to be, that sticking to traditional gender roles are more preferable. This runs a heavy risk of becoming a FamilyUnfriendlyAesop, but it ''is'' a legitimate decision. There's still a battle going on within feminism over the "StayInTheKitchen" trope: some of them believe that a woman voluntarily choosing to be a housewife or homemaker is immoral and reactionary[[note]]A "reactionary" holds the position that society should ''regress'' to a former state.[[/note]]. In other words, there is room for a story where the {{Aesop}} is, "It's okay to stick to tradition, if that's what you genuinely want." (And, for the record, most feminists would agree with this; it's only the ''really'' radical ones who believe that you are morally obligated to ignore your own desires in favor of embracing progress.)

Yeah, there's far too many places that characters who have a gender could go.

One of the best things you can do is read fiction about men written ''by'' men, or about women written by women. It might be a good idea to stick to literature for this effort, since the written word (especially amongst the classics) is somewhat less susceptible to ExecutiveMeddling. So, things like ''Literature/LittleWomen'' by Creator/LouisaMayAlcott, ''Literature/PrideAndPrejudice'' by Creator/JaneAusten, a lot of things listed on the FourGirlEnsemble and ChromosomeCasting pages, and so on. For women, this is a little easier, since the larger majority of fiction is written by men and for men.

There is a fascinating book called ''[[http://amzn.com/0143038702 Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man]]''. The author, Norah Vincent, is a ButchLesbian who did a real-life SweetPollyOliver for 18 months for the purposes of journalism. It's one of the closest things we're going to get to a magical gender-flip ray; Vincent talks candidly about how men treat each other, and the perspective it gave her on being a woman. Sadly, no parallel book about men passing as women yet exists. (Note, in fact, that DudeLooksLikeALady is almost always PlayedForLaughs; there are very few dramas in which a man dresses as a woman.)

Men and women are different from each other. If you are reading this page, you are probably aware of this fact and have come to get some advice on how to write like the sex and/or gender you are not. Well, good news: we're here to help.double

** PinkIsForSissies. Women can wear just about any color, but any colors strongly associated with women (which is mostly pink in America, purple to a lesser extent) are completely off-limits for men. The same is true for clothes; it's almost a DeadHorseTrope that Scottish men wearing traditional garb (IE kilts) are considered unmanly simply because a kilt is similar--''similar''--to a skirt. (And men from the 1600s would be laughed at by today's population for wearing high heels, even though high heels started out as a men-only accessory, simply because [[ValuesDissonance today they are the opposite]].) Hobbies and other lifestyle choices are segregated in this way: knitting, crocheting, dancing, flower arranging and other stereotypically female pastimes are simply off the table for men. And let's not even ''get'' into names! Many names that started off as male-exclusive--[[http://www.disneybaby.com/blog/25-names-that-used-to-be-boy-names/ Meredith]], [[http://firsttoknow.com/13-girls-names-used-exclusively-male/ Evelyn]], [[http://nameberry.com/blog/unisex-baby-names-names-that-morphed-from-blue-to-pink Ashley]]--are now only seen on women, and a number of other GenderBlenderNames are likely to follow.

** And, let's face it: ''femininity itself is seen as a negative quality''. One of the worst things you can call a(n American) woman is a [[CountryMatters cunt]], to indicate that she is cruel and unpleasant--or, in other words, mean; one of the worst things you can call a(n American) man is a pussy, to indicate that he is weak and cowardly--or, in other words, not strong. ''Both'' are slang terms for the vagina. In and of itself, "pussy" is not a particularly shocking word; it has been acceptable on television ever since [[Series/AreYouBeingServed 1972]]; the C-word, on the other hand, is the dirtiest word in the English language, surpassing even the F-bomb.[[note]]The N-word is a strange case; its potency depends on [[NWordPrivileges who says it].[[/note]] This says volumes about how women are valued compared to men. And hell, the fact that defining trait of a woman is considered to be her vagina--not her uterus or ovaries, from which descend life; not her [[BuxomIsBetter breasts]] or derriere, which are the most visible symbolS of femininity; but her vagina, the organ with which she interacts sexually with men--speaks volumes about how deeply misogyny is built into English-speaking culture, values and language.

Men and women are different from each other. If you are reading this page, you are probably aware of this fact and have come to get some advice on how to write like the sex and/or gender you are not. Well, good news: we're here to help.

Here we start getting into the territory of {{Double Standard}}s, those old chestnuts that dominate so much of gender politics. Women are expected to be one thing and men another, because certain things are bad and so should be relegated to the lesser gender. Which gender is the bad one is dependent on, well, a lot of things, but there are a few very general rules that define double standards, at least in America:

** ARealManIsAKiller, ManlyMenCanHunt: men are encouraged to find their capacity for violence. This has historical precedent, but is ValuesDissonance in any society that has evolved past a hunter-gatherer technology level (and if you can read this, yours probably has). Meanwhile, women can only inflict AmusingInjuries, and any attempt to do so is PlayedForLaughs (DoubleStandardAbuseFemaleOnMale, CatFight, etc).

** Women are much more encouraged to fit into their culture’s standards of physical attractiveness. If a man doesn’t, he gets negative attention for it, but rather less of it.
** Women are discouraged from having bodily functions. If a man farts or burps in public, it’s typically PlayedForLaughs; if he smells like sweat, it’s not a big deal. But if a woman farts, or burps, or ''talks'' about farting or burping or--gasp!--pooping, then clearly she is an uncivilized savage. She must smell perfect at all times, even if she was at the gym three seconds ago. And God ''forbid'' she ever admit that she menstruates.

** SatelliteLoveInterest. Women are socialized to define themselves according to their romantic lives and romantic partners. At a time when boys are throwing {{GI Joe}}s or PowerRangers toys at each other’s faces, girls spend time thinking about the trappings of a relationship--house, kids, the husband’s career, and especially the White Wedding she hopes to have one day. (CommonKnowledge insists that men are completely disinterested in any aspect of the wedding except for [[AllMenArePerverts the consummation]].) And almost every lifestyle choice a woman makes--hairstyle, make-up and clothing; hobbies; career; exercise and eating habits--will be judged in terms of whether it furthers her ability to get a man; a woman never does things just because ''she'' wants to do them.

** MoustacheDePlume. For a woman to be taken seriously in a male-dominated field, she has to hide her masculinity. She might also have to over-compensate for her femininity, at which point she’s likely to be considered a bitch. This segues into a separate but prevalent trope: being male is the default setting in many workplace environments, and women are evaluated on whether they are acceptably male. Most of the time, [[CaptainObvious they fail]], either by being too nice or too mean, but if they do, they are ''penalized'' for it, whereas a male colleague displaying identical behavior would simply be written off as, y'know, having a personality.
** CampGay. Homosexual men are weird because being gay involves--guess what--''having feminine traits''. Even worse, it involves a man being the receiving partner in a sexual transaction--in other words, being powerless, instead of being powerful, the way a “''real'' man” should. (Lesbians, on the other hand, get off scot-free, because their sexual interactions don’t involve [[SarcasmMode perverting Sacred Masculinity]] and thus are morally irrelevant. Well, aside from men's cherished belief that [[ItsAllAboutMe truly satisfying sex must involve a penis]].)

** And, let's face it: ''femininity itself is seen as a negative quality''. One of the worst things you can call a(n American) woman is a [[CountryMatters cunt]], to indicate that she is cruel and unpleasant--or, in other words, mean; one of the worst things you can call a(n American) man is a pussy, to indicate that he is weak and cowardly--or, in other words, not strong. ''Both'' are slang terms for the vagina. In and of itself, "pussy" is not a particularly shocking word; it has been acceptable on television ever since [[Series/AreYouBeingServed 1972]]; the C-word, on the other hand, is tied with the [[NWordPrivileges N-word]] for "most obscene thing an English-speaking person can say," surpassing even the good old F-bomb. This says volumes about how women are valued compared to men. And hell, the fact that defining trait of a woman is considered to be her vagina--not her uterus or ovaries, from which descend life; not her [[BuxomIsBetter breasts]], which are the most visible symbol of femininity; but her vagina, the organ with which she interacts sexually with men--speaks volumes about how deeply misogyny is built into English-speaking culture and values.

In TheFifties, gender roles were very clearly defined: men go out of the house to work; women StayInTheKitchen. But in TheSixties there was this thing called "UsefulNotes/{{Feminism}}," a movement that coalesced in order to argue that, while men and women ''are'' different in some ways (like the fact that women can get pregnant and men can pee standing up), most of those ways are not very important in terms of how society ''needs'' to treat people. In other words, as far as feminism is concerned, ''gender roles are societal, not biological,'' and just about anything a man can do, a woman can do as well. And vice versa.

Additionally, we need to make a distinction ''between'' sex and gender, because many people conflate them. Your "sex" involves your chromosomes, from which descends your genitalia and a few other things (like boobs). Your "gender" involves, well, your gender role--how society trains you to act ''in light of'' your chromosomes and all the stuff that dangles from them. But here's the thing: ''gender is very cultural''. Just take PinkGirlBlueBoy. It's NewerThanTheyThink; pink--an offshade of the very masculine red--used to be a male color, while blue--associated with IncorruptiblePurePureness via [[Literature/TheBible the Virgin Mary]]--used to be female. In North America, women get paid about 75% of men do even when they perform the same jobs; but in Asia, the Communist Party of China abolished the "StayInTheKitchen" mentality and encouraged women to become equal partners, with equal pay, in the economic process. (It worked, as it happened.) In South America, machismo is in... but includes being sensitive to one's partners and being a kind and loving father, something that stoic models of North-American masculinity do not include. It's all relative.

This is even true in historical contexts. Look around at the people you are near. Most of them are not 100% masculine or 100% feminine. They exhibit at least a couple traits that are (traditionally) ascribed to the other gender. And if that’s true today, it was probably true in the past, because the thing about human nature is that it doesn’t change. (If it does, why do we still read works that are OlderThanDirt?) True, people were much less likely to ‘’display’’ their differences in public, but that didn’t mean they didn’t exist.

** ARealManIsAKiller, ManlyMenCanHunt: men are encouraged to find their capacity for violence. This has historical precedent, but is ValuesDissonance in any society that has evolved past a hunter-gatherer technology level (and if you can read this, yours probably has). Meanwhile, women can only inflict AmusingInjuries, and any attempt to do so is PlayedForLaughs (AbuseIsOkayWhenItIsFemaleOnMale, CatFight, etc).

** Part of the reason men are required to be TheStoic is because women are allowed to show emotions; consequently, emotions are a feminine thing, and men must not show them. This becomes an even ''bigger'' DoubleStandard when we point out that women who ''do'' use their emotions to get their way are considered weak and undisciplined, especially if this takes place in a workplace environment. (And while said idiots [[DumbassHasAPoint may have a valid point about professionalism]], that still leaves the problem of punishing women for being something they're taught they should be.) The UnfortunateImplication is, simply, that ''emotions'' are a sign of weakness; but women are allowed to exhibit them because they're [[StayInTheKitchen weak to begin with]].

# Men are powerful, women are powerless. BrainsAndBrawn, MenActWomenAre. Women need men to do things for them. This not only means that women should StayInTheKitchen, and that there’s NeverASelfMadeWoman, it also enforces WomenAreWiser (BumblingDad, MachoDisasterExpedition, MenCantKeepHouse, etc).

** AllGirlsWantBadBoys: {{Nice Guy}}s finish last because kindness is feminine, and thus unmanly (see below). Additionally, women are too stupid to think with their big heads and will go for JerkWithAHeartOfJerk types simply because they’re TroubledButCute. Finally, this can result in EntitledToHaveYou attitudes from men both Nice and Bad, precisely ‘’because’’ they fit the stereotype.

** PinkIsForSissies. Women can wear just about any color, but any colors strongly associated with women (which is mostly pink in America, purple to a lesser extent) are completely off-limits for men. The same is true for clothes; it's almost an UndeadTrope that Scottish men wearing traditional garb (IE kilts) are considered unmanly simply because a kilt is similar--''similar''--to a skirt. (And men from the 1600s would be laughed at for wearing high heels, even though they started out as a men-only accessory, simply because [[ValuesDissonance today they are the opposite]].) Hobbies and other lifestyle choices are segregated in this way: knitting, crocheting, dancing, flower arranging and other stereotypically female pastimes are simply off the table for men. And let's not even ''get'' into names! Many names that started off as male-exclusive--[[http://www.disneybaby.com/blog/25-names-that-used-to-be-boy-names/ Meredith, Evelyn, Ashley]]--that men simply aren't allowed to have anymore.

!!!Cultural

And spend some time, additionally, thinking about what your definition of "the opposite gender" even ''is'', because you should subvert it in your writing as much as possible. If not, it'll show. Consider ''Literature/TheWheelOfTime'', the 14-book (!!!) magnum opus of author Robert Jordan. Almost every female character in it is a Type A {{Tsundere}}, simply because [[WriteWhoYouKnow that's what Jordan's wife is like]], and readers noticed quickly. Jordan ''did'' go to some lengths to justify his female characters being more comfortable with power and authority: the world is much more gender-even because, [[EternalRecurrence during the last Final Boss Fight]], the BigBad cursed all male wizards to go [[WithGreatPowerComesGreatInsanity batshit insane]]. 3000 years later, male channelers are hunted down--by women--and "[[{{Depower}} gentled]]" in service of TheNeedsOFfheMany. When only women can use magic, of ''course'' patriarchy goes out the window. But it still revealed that Jordan's opinion on what women are like had some serious gaps in it. Even in a world where women can and do hold positions of enormous power (like "Amyrlin Seat," the elected president of the WitchSpecies), they won't all have ''the same personality''. It is clear that while Robert Jordan understood ''a'' woman, he did not understand ''women''. You might not either, but you can at least fake it by not making them identical.

** CampGay. Homosexual men are weird because being gay involves--guess what--''having feminine traits''. Even worse, it involves a man being the receiving partner in a sexual transaction--in other words, being powerless, instead of being powerful, the way a “''real'' man” should. (Lesbians, on the other hand, get off scot-free, because their sexual interactions don’t involve [[SarcasmMode perverting Sacred Masculinity]] and thus are morally irrelevant. Well, aside from men's cherished belief that [[ItsAllAboutMe truly satisfying sex must involve a penis]].)

One of the best things you can do is read fiction about men written ''by'' men, or about women written by women. It might be a good idea to stick to literature for this effort, since the written word (especially amongst the classics) is somewhat less susceptible to ExecutiveMeddling. So, things like ''Literature/LittleWomen'' by Creator/LouisaMayAlcott, ''Literature/PrideAndPrejudice'' by Creator/JaneAusten, a lot of things listed on the FourGirlEnsemble and ChromosomeCasting pages, and so on.

There is a fascinating book called ''[[http://amzn.com/0143038702 Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man]]''. The author, Norah Vincent, is a ButchLesbian who went undercover for 18 months as a passable transvestite. It's one of the closest things we're going to get to a magical gender-flip ray; Vincent talks candidly about how men treat each other, and the perspective it gave her on being a woman. Sadly, no parallel book about men passing as women yet exists. Note, in fact, that DudeLooksLikeALady is almost always PlayedForLaughs; there are very few dramas in which a man dresses as a woman.

* Food, water and shelter, so that we can continue to live, and in some comfort.
** Money, by extension, because it buys us such things.
* Companionship: friendship, love, sex.
* Fulfillment: a chance to do what we personally want to do. This can involve a career that satisfies our passions, the use of our leisure time on things we enjoy, or even the question of what we want to eat for dinner.
* Order: a sense that the world is as it should be. We occupy our proper place, we are properly respected for what we do, and the same is true for others. If we don’t feel this, the urge to SetRightWhatOnceWentWrong can emerge, and can lead to both bad things ([[Theatre/{{Macbeth}} The Tragedy of Macbeth]]) and good (the [[UsefulNotes/CivilRightsMovement American Civil Rights Movement]]).

There are more ways of looking at it; ''Franchise/TheSims'' has a maximum of eight biological needs[[note]]Sleep, Hunger, Comfort, Social Interactions, Fun, Hygiene, Excretion (IE pooping) and an Environment that is pleasant[[/note]], themselves based on [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs]] which assume that certain things are ignored if other, more important things are unfulfilled. (Maslow's work has been [[ScienceMarchesOn partially deprecated]], but nobody's been able to come up with anything better.) But the point is that there are things that basically everybody wants to have.

** MenDontCry vs TenderTears, as covered above. To quote [[Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire Sansa Stark]] puts it, “Tears are a lady’s weapon.” In a man they are a sign of weakness. More generally, men are expected to be TheStoic whilst women are allowed to use their emotions to get their way.

** PinkIsForSissies. Women can wear just about any color, but any colors strongly associated with women (which is mostly pink in America, purple to a lesser extent) are completely off-limits for men. Likewise, hobbies and other lifestyle choices are segregated in this way: knitting, crocheting, dancing, flower arranging and other stereotypically female pastimes are simply off the table for men.
** MoustacheDePlume. For a woman to be taken seriously in a male-dominated field, she has to hide her masculinity. She might also have to over-compensate for her femininity, at which point she’s likely to be considered a bitch. This segues into a separate but prevalent trope: being male is the default setting in many workplace environments, and women are judged on whether they are acceptably male. Most of the time, [[CaptainObvious they fail]].

Walking around with breasts means walking around with things sagging off the front of your chest. While they are not very dense, this just makes it easier to fling them around if you need to move quickly. Most men believe that women wear bras primarily to accent their assets, but the truth is that they’re also the best way to keep the darn things from escaping.

Periods suck. Your body is expelling a piece of itself, and it’s coming out all gory and sticky, and you have to walk around with a chunk of wet cotton pressed against your downstairs to absorb it--how good a mood would ‘’you’’ be in? Even worse, there are a lot of aches and pains associated with it: aside from the cramps as your uterus tears its own insides apart, you can have acne breaking out, you can get headaches, you can feel sluggish and depressed... Of course, every woman’s different. Some remain chipper while some get really emotional. Some have pain while some don’t. The length of the process is different from person to person. Even the ''quantity'' of discharge can vary: TheOtherWiki claims that the average volume is 35 milliliters but that anything from 10 to 80 mL is still “considered typical.”

* Women get a fair bit of socialization to avoid direct conflict. This is why there is the stereotype of the catty woman who "kills with kindness" and does verbal backstabbing once you're out of earshot. As with most dysfunctional values (like the "guys don't have feelings" thing above), it's possible to grow out of this habit and start to be direct about your feelings and/or dislike, but not everybody does.

** AllMenArePerverts vs AllWomenArePrudes: A real man participates in sex while a real woman abstains. Women are taught that they should only have sex with their husbands, and that being sexually active before then makes them DefiledForever. ‘’Men’’ are taught that having an active pre-marital sex life makes them awesome, and ‘’failing’’ to do so puts them straight into LoserArchetype territory.
** SatelliteLoveInterest. Women are socialized to define themselves according to their romantic lives and romantic partners. At a time when boys are throwing {{GI Joe}}s or PowerRangers toys at each other’s faces, girls spend time thinking about the trappings of a relationship--house, kids, the husband’s career, and especially the White Wedding she hopes to have one day. CommonKnowledge insists that men are completely disinterested in any aspect of the wedding except for [[AllMenArePerverts the consummation]].

# Being feminine is unmanly. Anything that women are allowed to do, men are not, and if men do it, they are sissies. Due to the influence of feminism, women are less limited in this way, but they pay other prices for it.
** PinkIsForSissies. Women can wear just about any color, but any colors strongly associated with women (which is mostly pink in America, purple to a lesser extent) are completely off-limits for men.
** MoustacheDePlume. For a woman to be taken seriously in a male-dominated field, she has to hide her masculinity. She might also have to over-compensate for her femininity, at which point she’s likely to be considered a bitch.
** CampGay. Homosexual men are believed to be perverted, because being gay involves--guess what--''having feminine traits''. Even worse, it involves a man being the receiving partner in a sexual transaction--in other words, being powerless, instead of being powerful, the way a “''real'' man” should. (Lesbians, on the other hand, get off scot-free, because their sexual interactions don’t involve [[SarcasmMode Tainting The Sacred Masculine]] and thus are morally irrelevant. Well, aside from men’s cherished belief that [[ItsAllAboutMe truly satisfying sex must involve a penis]].)

If you defy these, you’ll likely feel pressure--some from your peers, some from society, and some that may even have been ''internalized'' into your personality due to your culture’s (successful) brainwashing--to conform. After all, ''you’re not fitting your gender roles!!'' AndThatsTerrible.

Walking in these shoes can be, well, daunting. Fortunately, you have an imagination, which will allow you to walk in the shoes of someone else who has lived under these double standards, under different ones from you. You've also probably noticed some of them at work, or heard people you are close to talking about them. If you have friends of the opposite sex (you probably do), you can ask them for help. Finally, there's always the {{Double Standards}} article here on TVTropes to help you out--that’s where ‘’we’’ got the above list. Study them and pay attention to the ones we’ve talked about.

The good news, though, is this: you don't know the answers to any of these questions, or perhaps you know them as well as anyone can. ''Everyone else is in the same boat.'' There ''is'' no authority about the differences between living in a male body vs living in a female body, so if you get it wrong, it'll be that much harder to detect. Obviously, certain choices are likely to be incorrect--men are unlikely to be blase about wearing tight underwear because they could easily jam something in an uncomfortable position; women with large bosoms will not elect to go bra-less in any situation where their breasts might swing around loose--but by the same token, every person is different, and there are no rules that are 100% true about every woman or every man. For every well-endowed woman who wears a bra almost all the time, there's one who prefers not being restricted, regardless of the inconvenience. ...Well, maybe ten to one, but the simple fact is that such a person ''could'' exist, and--if you're a good writer and can provide good CharacterDevelopment--you can justify her unusual behavior.

First off, there is a stereotype that men are totally unconcerned about their appearance, and will happily go out in public unshaven, with mismatched socks, and generally in an unfinished state that no self-respecting woman would allow herself to be seen in. This leads a lot of women to believe that men are simply immune to the body-image issues epitomized by tropes like HollywoodHomely or HollywoodPudgy. The truth is, men ‘’do’’ have body-image issues. But men are trained not to show their emotions, especially not their insecurities. Additionally, it can be much harder for men to get any sort of grounding in the area because they are expected to be islands unto themselves. If a woman were to go to her girl-friends and say, “I’m concerned that my arms have too much fat on them,” they will be able to point out a dozen other women around her who have fatter ones. Male friends would not be able to, because men are not actually allowed to look at each other, not in the frank assessments necessary to get any grounding as to what actual human beings look like these days.

And a man’s genitals are not between his legs, they are in front of them.

* In mixed-gender social situations, men are typically accorded the place of dominance. This happens in overt ways--most highly-paid corporate executives are men; women get paid less; men still dominate the STEM fields (science, technology, engineering and math), not to mention politics, media and religion--but also in subtle ways. A man, walking down the street, has the visual run of the place. He can ogle whoever he wants, and catcall too. Men, don't believe for a second that women don't know we're doing this--they know; they've just been socialized to accept it. But think about how you would feel if stepping out the front door required you to put your body on display for anyone who wanted to look. Because, for a woman, that ''is'' what's required: if she wears something revealing, she's ogled, and if she doesn't, she's degraded as a frump. With this in mind, it's perhaps unsurprising that women might ''embrace'' things like full-body burqas.

Now, we are not saying that there are certain things a person just can't do in time-and-place combinations. First off, one of the keys to CharacterDevelopment is realizing that human nature is largely unchanging. The things that people want today, they also wanted yesterday. Second off, the literature supports this, at least in one direction: almost every culture ever has stories about {{Action Girl}}s, and most of them have stories about feminine boys too who were celebrated for their willingness to follow their hearts. People want to be who they want to be, and typically they will find ways to do so.

What we ''are'' saying is that what counts as "feminine" and what counts as "masculine" is by no means universal; they change depending on the ''where'' and the ''when''. So do the ''responses'' to feminine men and masculine women. In some places, deviation is punished severely--there are constant tales out of the Middle East and India about people doing savage things to women because she acted on her sexual desires. In some places, people turn a blind eye; in AncientGrome, nobody cared who you slept with as long as you knocked up your wife. (Mythological Greece was very patriarchal; their word for wife, "gynē," also meant "womb" and gives us the modern word "gynecology". This tells you something about what Achaean men thought their women were good for.) And in some places you might even get applause for it: in feudal Japan, BoysLove was considered ''virtuous'' because it meant you were so RatedMForManly that women couldn't satisfy you! ...Of course, you were expected to be the {{seme}}. (We must have ''some'' standards here.) And this gets us right back to the first point about how the definitions of masculinity and femininity change depending on time and place. In most locales, the {{uke}}--the gay man who plays the role of the girl when it comes time for sexual intercourse--is considered perverted, precisely ''because'' he takes on a feminine role. On occasion he is venerated, as he was in Shogunate Japan, but not most of the time. Think about modern American culture, where the idea of the seme does not even really ''exist'' (the closest is HardGay, which itself is almost a caricature), and the CampGay--you know, the effeminate one?--is the typical stereotype. When two Camp Gays get together, who's on top? American Homophobia would prefer we not answer that question... which is a little hypocritical of American Homophobia, since it's he who insists that the dilemma exist by refusing to admit that gay men can be masculine. But we digress.

''Film/{{Showgirls}}''. Basically any woman will tell you that the women in it don't act realistically. Most of the men don't either, frankly.

Yet ''another'' pitfall is culture. Much of the above draws from American culture, but YourMileageMayVary--hell, your ''location'' may vary! Each nation and culture has its own standards about what's normal for men and what's normal for women, and they don't always match: hence ValuesDissonance. Even worse, cultures ''evolve''. As mentioned above, what's normal for American women today would have been unthinkable in the 1910s or even the 1950s. More change from place to place and time to time.