History SelfDemonstrating / CrankyKong

* HintSystem: In ''Donkey Kong Country'', I'd give my [[LegacyCharacter no good grandson]] some advice as to how to get extra lives and discover some secrets. I know I got lazy and didn't give him tips past the first area on the island, but that changed that with Diddy and Dixie in ''Donkey Kong Country 2'', for a fee of course.

** I remind you youngsters to "git gud," whenever you get a GameOver in the FanWork ''VideoGame/FiveNightsAtFuckboys'' -- pardon the French. I'm also a NintendoHard BonusBoss in the third one.

So! It all began at the beginning of TheEighties (that's ''nineteen'' 80's, if you didn't realize), the era where the video arcade was alive and thriving! ''VideoGame/PacMan'' and his family were gorging themselves on ghosts, dots, and cherries, ''VideoGame/{{Frogger}}'' was trying to cross roads and not get himself ran over, the ''VideoGame/SpaceInvaders'' were upsetting the availability of Japanese yen, and…''Radar Scope'' was crashing and burning--the latest in Japanese videogame developer Creator/{{Nintendo}}'s attempts to break into the North American market. Things were getting desperate, so the president of the company--the late Hiroshi Yamauchi (may he rest in peace) asked Creator/ShigeruMiyamoto, who had been working at the company for just a few years on at that point, to design a game that the unsold ''Radar Scope'' units could be converted into. What the company needed (among other things) was their actual own stable of characters, after attempts to secure the ''ComicStrip/{{Popeye}}'' license fell through.

Things were admittedly a bit dull but peaceful for me for a while. Rareware had decided to give us all a break after Dixie and Kiddy's last adventure and moved on to working with other characters. They went with [[VideoGame/BanjoKazooie some dim country bear and a smart-aleck breegull]] after they took that "dream" from some boy and a pirate. Meanwhile, my grandson finally met my old rival and started participating [[VideoGame/MarioKart64 in]] [[VideoGame/MarioParty his]] [[VideoGame/MarioGolf various]] [[VideoGame/MarioTennis activities]], and [[VideoGame/DiddyKongRacing Diddy had ventured off with the bear to Timber's Island to help out the local residents there]] (though I advised Diddy to not hang around too much with that young squirrel who lived on the island; he seemed playful and innocent, but I sensed a bad aura around him, [[VideoGame/ConkersBadFurDay and time proved me right]]). At this time, I had taken a page from that has-been K. Rool and started studying science so I could make a potion that could whip me back into shape! And why not? The other arcade stars were making their way into 3D! [[VideoGame/PacManWorld The dot muncher was celebrating his 20th birthday]], Frogger and ''VideoGame/{{QBert}}'' eventually found their way back into the spotlight, and don't even get me started on [[VideoGame/SuperMario64 Jumpman]].

I also appear in a [[WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosMovie computer-generated Jumpman movie]], voiced by Creator/FredArmisen. It's from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[Franchise/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]] and distributed by [[Creator/UniversalStudios the film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]]! And from what I've heard, it's infinitely better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros1993 first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, if even ''that'', and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]]. And wouldn't you know it, the new Jumpman film managed to hit 900 million smackeroos at the box office despite the critics giving it a mediocre score of 59% on that [[Website/RottenTomatoes tomato site]]. Further proof that those galoots really never touched a game.

I also appear in a [[WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosMovie computer-generated Jumpman movie]], voiced by Creator/FredArmisen. It's from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[Franchise/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]] and distributed by [[Creator/UniversalStudios the film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]]! And from what I've heard, it's infinitely better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros1993 first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, if even ''that'', and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]]. And wouldn't you know it, the new Jumpman film managed to hit 800 million smackeroos at the box office despite the critics giving it a mediocre score of 59% on that [[Website/RottenTomatoes tomato site]]. Further proof that those galoots really never touched a game.

I also appear in a [[WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosMovie computer-generated Jumpman movie]], voiced by Creator/FredArmisen. It's from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[Franchise/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]] and distributed by [[Creator/UniversalStudios the film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]]! And from what I've heard, it's infinitely better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros1993 first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, if even ''that'', and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]]. And wouldn't you know it, the new Jumpman film managed to hit 800 million smackeroos at the box office despite the critics giving it a mediocre score of 54% on that [[Website/RottenTomatoes tomato site]]. Further proof that those galoots really never touched a game.

(''The following article should be best read while listening to one of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEhcSat-bpw these]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uzu02rVft9U three]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaAEdayXwLQ tracks]]'')

I also appear in a [[WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosMovie computer-generated Jumpman movie]], voiced by Creator/FredArmisen. It's from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[Franchise/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]] and distributed by [[Creator/UniversalStudios the film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]]! And from what I've heard, it's infinitely better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros1993 first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]]. And wouldn't you know it, the new Jumpman film managed to hit 800 million smackeroos at the box office despite the critics giving it a mediocre score of 54% on that [[Website/RottenTomatoes tomato site]]. Further proof that those galoots really never touched a game outside of Pong.

I also appear in a [[WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosMovie computer-generated Jumpman movie]], voiced by Creator/FredArmisen. It's from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[Franchise/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]] and distributed by [[Creator/UniversalStudios the film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]]! And from what I've heard, it's infinitely better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros1993 first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]]. And wouldn't you know the new Jumpman film managed to hit 800 million smackeroos at the box office despite the critics giving it a mediocre score of 54% on that [[Website/RottenTomatoes tomato site]]. Further proof that those galoots never touched a game outside of Pong.

I also appear in a [[WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosMovie computer-generated Jumpman movie]], voiced by Creator/FredArmisen. It's from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[Franchise/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]] and distributed by [[Creator/UniversalStudios the film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]]! And from what I've heard, it's infinitely better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros1993 first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]].

* AdaptationalJobChange: In that [[WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosMovie newfangled Jumpman movie]], I'm not that retired old coot you're looking at right now; I'm the king of the Jungle Kingdom! That's right, baby, after being an {{expy}} of King Kong, now I ''am'' King Kong!

I also appear in a [[WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosMovie computer-generated Jumpman movie]], voiced by the one and only Creator/FredArmisen. It's from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[Franchise/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]] and distributed by [[Creator/UniversalStudios the film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]]! Let's hope that it's better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros1993 first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]].

Years later, a British company named [[Creator/{{Rare}} Rareware]], previously known for making games about a bunch of [[VideoGame/{{Battletoads}} mucus-lobbing slime-jackets]] and [[VideoGame/KillerInstinct pre-rendered button-mashers]], decided to work with Nintendo for a while. They needed one last hurrah for that [[UsefulNotes/SuperNintendoEntertainmentSystem "Super" Nintendo]] of theirs after [[VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehog some speedy blue pincushion]] gave them a run for their money. They wanted to bring me back into the spotlight by shoving those 3D graphics of theirs onto me, but then they thought I was just too old. Bahh, I didn't need all of that anyway, I had made a name for myself back in the early arcade days. This didn't stop them from using Junior's son as the game's main focus, and they even had the nerve to give him an old tie I used to wear. [[VideoGame/DonkeyKongCountry That happens to be the Donkey Kong]] [[LegacyCharacter that you people are more familiar with today]], and he has ''me'' to thank for allowing him to have that honor.

I've made several cameos in those ''[[VideoGame/SuperSmashBros Smash Bros.]]'' games, too. You can see me walking around my cabin in Jungle Japes in the second game. I even appeared in almost all of the later games representing my glory days in the 75m stage and a scribble drawing in that Pictochat 2 stage. My movement may have been limited, but it was fun smacking around the likes of my grandson and that "nephew" of his along with Jumpman, his scaredy-cat brother and [[VideoGame/{{Wario}} that knockoff who should lay off the garlic]]. Not to mention, [[VideoGame/YoshisIsland that long-tongued newt]], [[VideoGame/KidIcarus that green-haired hoity-toity goddess and that little bodyguard of hers]], [[Franchise/TheLegendOfZelda those pointy-eared twerps]], [[Franchise/{{Pokemon}} that sparky yellow varmint, along with]] [[SelfDemonstrating/{{Mewtwo}} that psychokinetic sideshow]], [[VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehog that no hoper who didn't even bother]] [[VideoGame/DonkeyKongCountry2DiddysKongQuest collecting my Hero Coins]], [[Franchise/StreetFighter those so-called arcade champs of the nineties]] and their [[VideoGame/FatalFury offbrand]] [[Franchise/{{Tekken}} competition]], [[Franchise/MegaMan that little windup toy]], [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII the broomhead with the oversized toothpick]] and [[SelfDemonstrating/{{Sephiroth}} his archnemesis, that so-called "One-Winged Angel"]], [[VideoGame/XenobladeChronicles2 that Japanimation harlot with a sword and a case of split personality disorder]], and even [[VideoGame/PacMan ol' dot muncher himself]]! I'd go on and list every single one of these wannabe fighters, but I'd probably fall asleep by the time I got to [[VideoGame/FZero that loudmouthed, birdbrained galoot]]. Trust me though, I got my eye on every single one of 'em!

Huh… what is it again? [[Creator/UniversalStudios The film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]] just called me. They said that they're bringing a [[WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosMovie computer-generated Jumpman movie]] to the big screen, from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[Franchise/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]]. I'm gonna be in it, and I will be voiced by the one and only Creator/FredArmisen! Let's hope that it's better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros1993 first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]].

Huh… what is it again? [[Creator/UniversalStudios The film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]] just called me. They said that they're bringing a [[WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosMovie computer-generated Jumpman movie]] to the big screen, from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[Franchise/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]]. I'm going to be in it, and I will be voiced by the one and only Creator/FredArmisen! Let's hope that it's better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros1993 first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]].

(''The following article should be best read while listening to one of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEhcSat-bpw these]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uzu02rVft9U three]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CI9siaIp2E4 tracks]]'')

Huh… what is it again? [[Creator/UniversalStudios The film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]] just called me. They said that they're bringing a [[WesternAnimation/TheSuperMarioBrosMovie computer-generated Jumpman movie]] to the big screen, from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[WesternAnimation/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]]. I'm going to be in it, and I will be voiced by the one and only Creator/FredArmisen! Let's hope that it's better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]].

Years later, some company called [[Creator/{{Rare}} Rareware]], previously known for making games about a bunch of [[VideoGame/{{Battletoads}} mucus-lobbing slime-jackets]] and [[VideoGame/KillerInstinct pre-rendered button-mashers]], decided to work with Nintendo for a while. They needed one last hurrah for that [[UsefulNotes/SuperNintendoEntertainmentSystem "Super" Nintendo]] of theirs after [[VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehog some speedy blue pincushion]] gave them a run for their money. They wanted to bring me back into the spotlight by shoving those 3D graphics of theirs onto me, but then they thought I was just too old. Bahh, I didn't need all of that anyway, I had made a name for myself back in the early arcade days. This didn't stop them from using Junior's son as the game's main focus, and they even had the nerve to give him an old tie I used to wear. [[VideoGame/DonkeyKongCountry That happens to be the Donkey Kong]] [[LegacyCharacter that you people are more familiar with today]], and he has ''me'' to thank for allowing him to have that honor.

Huh… what is it again? [[Creator/UniversalStudios The film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]] just called me. They said that they bringing a computer-generated Jumpman movie to the big screen, from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[WesternAnimation/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]]. I'm going to be in it, and I will be voiced by the one and only Creator/FredArmisen! Let's hope that it's better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]].

Some time after all of that, K. Rool showed up again with some cheap knockoff version of Crocodile Isle, which had sunk a little while after the first time the big ape was rescued. [[VideoGame/DonkeyKong64 This time, those gator goons stole DK's banana hoard again and their cold-blooded king was planning to blow up our island this time]], not showing any mercy on anyone! Diddy and three other members of the clan were kidnapped (I'm starting to see a pattern here) and held hostage in different portions of the island. Of course, DK had to go out and save them this time because even I know how embarrassing it would be if he wasn't the star of his first self-titled 3D outing. Thankfully they all knocked out K.Rool and saved the island, but they couldn't have pulled it off without the special ability-enhancing potions I brewed up for them, and that Rareware coin I made them earn with that ''VideoGame/{{Jetpac}}'' game! Those sneaky salamanders also had the nerve to steal an old arcade cabinet of my first game that Nintendo was nice enough to trade me for that old ''Killer Instinct'' cabinet back at the Monkey Museum. They had the nerve to repurpose it into their own little mini game for the crew, particulary DK! At least they all got the chance to play a real game for once! Afterwards, I decided to help produce music video for the crew, which I can't believe how popular it managed to become. Later, I then got the idea to hold some auditions for my own game that was going to be released on that [[UsefulNotes/NintendoGameCube Dolphin console]] they were working on at the time, but it was eventually canned because I was just starting to feel my age again, the group that auditioned was just pathetic, and due to other circumstances beyond my control.

Unfortunately, Rareware eventually had to leave the company after being bought by that [[Creator/MicrosoftStudios computer company]] and while we would still have our fun, as well as wars with K.Rool and his crew, things weren't the same as they used to be. We still did some interesting stuff, like [[VideoGame/DonkeyKonga discovering magic bongos]], [[VideoGame/DKJungleClimber held Jungle Jam tournaments, quickly climb on pegs found throughout the island]], and [[VideoGame/DonkeyKongBarrelBlast racing those rancid reptiles in rocket barrels]]. My grandson finally decided to actually prove himself by doing some training for once and [[VideoGame/DonkeyKongJungleBeat venture off on his own for a while]].

Wait! Wha.. Wussat? They got K.Rool in Smash?! Ah ha ha! I've been itching to get my mitts on him! And somehow against all odds, [[VideoGame/BanjoKazooie that dopey bear and that snarky bird]] got in Smash as well and so did that [[Franchise/KingdomHearts Keyblade boy]]! Eventually, I'll bring some real action and show them all who's the real champ, just you wait and see! In the meantime, maybe I can discuss with some of the fighters and assist trophies why we were all chosen for [[WesternAnimation/CaptainNTheGameMaster that cheap cartoon from the late '80s that got almost everything wrong about us]]. At least [[WesternAnimation/DonkeyKongCountry that cartoon with the Crystal Coconut was more accurate]]!

Huh… what is it again? [[Creator/UniversalStudios The film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]] just called me. They said that they bringing a computer-generated Jumpman movie to the big screen, from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[WesternAnimation/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]]. I'm going to be in it, and I will be voiced by the one and only Creator/FredArmisen! Let's hope that it's better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/DetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2022 flicks]], [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]].

Huh… what is it again? [[Creator/UniversalStudios The film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]] just called me. They said that they bringing a computer-generated Jumpman movie to the big screen, from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[WesternAnimation/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]]. I'm going to be in it, and I will be voiced by the one and only Creator/FredArmisen! Let's hope that it's better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/DetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s flicks, [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]].

* BerserkButton: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2YurnXXoF8 Don't mess with my records.]]

I was dreamed up by Mr. Miyamoto as an antagonist that's "nothing too evil or repulsive" (hmph), so I ended up in the form of an ape. EverythingsBetterWithMonkeys, [[OrSoIHeard or so I keep getting told]]. Well, that's all fine and dandy. But how did I get named ''Donkey'' Kong? [[WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}} Monkeys aren't donkeys]], after all. Well…he was over there in Japan, where they don't always [[GratuitousEnglish speak English s'good]]. He wanted a name that gave the "stupid ape" impression (not going to say anything, nope nope nope), and he had a dictionary. Well, one thing lead to another, and Mr. Miyamoto used my name as the game's title, since ''I'' was the strongest character of the game. 'Course he did!

Wait! Wha.. Wussat? They got K.Rool in Smash?! Ah ha ha! I've been itching to get my mitts on him! And somehow against all odds, [[VideoGame/BanjoKazooie that dopey bear and that snarky bird]] got in Smash as well and so did that [[VideoGame/KingdomHearts keyblade boy]]! Eventually, I'll bring some real action and show them all who's the real champ, just you wait and see! In the meantime, maybe I can discuss with some of the fighters and assist trophies why we were all chosen for [[WesternAnimation/CaptainNTheGameMaster that cheap cartoon from the late '80s that got almost everything wrong about us]]. At least [[WesternAnimation/DonkeyKongCountry that cartoon with the Crystal Coconut was more accurate]]!

Wait! Wha.. Wussat? They got K.Rool in Smash?! Ah ha ha! I've been itching to get my mitts on him! And somehow against all odds, [[VideoGame/BanjoKazooie that dopey bear and that snarky bird]] got in Smash as well! Eventually, I'll bring some real action and show them all who's the real champ, just you wait and see! In the meantime, maybe I can discuss with some of the fighters and assist trophies why we were all chosen for [[WesternAnimation/CaptainNTheGameMaster that cheap cartoon from the late '80s that got almost everything wrong about us]]. At least [[WesternAnimation/DonkeyKongCountry that cartoon with the Crystal Coconut was more accurate]]!

I've made several cameos in those ''[[VideoGame/SuperSmashBros Smash Bros.]]'' games, too. You can see me walking around my cabin in Jungle Japes in the second game. I even appeared in almost all of the later games representing my glory days in the 75m stage and a scribble drawing in that Pictochat 2 stage. My movement may have been limited, but it was fun smacking around the likes of my grandson and that "nephew" of his along with Jumpman, his scaredy-cat brother and [[VideoGame/{{Wario}} that knockoff who should lay off the garlic]]. Not to mention, [[VideoGame/YoshisIsland that long-tongued newt]], [[VideoGame/KidIcarus that green-haired hoity-toity goddess and that little bodyguard of hers]], [[Franchise/TheLegendOfZelda those pointy-eared twerps]], [[Franchise/{{Pokemon}} that sparky yellow varmint, along with]] [[SelfDemonstrating/{{Mewtwo}} that psychokinetic sideshow]], [[VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehog that no hoper who didn't even bother]] [[VideoGame/DonkeyKongCountry2DiddysKongQuest collecting my Hero Coins]], [[Franchise/StreetFighter those so-called arcade champs of the nineties]] and their [[VideoGame/FatalFury offbrand]] [[Franchise/{{Tekken}} competition]], [[Franchise/MegaMan that little windup toy]], [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII the broomhead with the oversized toothpick]] and [[SelfDemonstrating/{{Sephiroth}} his archnemesis, that so-called "One-Winged Angel"]] and even [[VideoGame/PacMan ol' dot muncher himself]]! I'd go on and list every single one of these wannabe fighters, but I'd probably fall asleep by the time I got to [[VideoGame/FZero that loudmouthed, birdbrained galoot]]. Trust me though, I got my eye on every single one of 'em!

Huh… what is it again? [[Creator/UniversalStudios The film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]] just called me. They said that they bringing a computer-generated Jumpman movie to the big screen, from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[WesternAnimation/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]]. Ahem, I'm going to be in it! Let's hope that it's better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/DetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s flicks, [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare. The directors and the executives that backed them knew next to nothing of the source materials and probably never touched a game themselves outside of Pong, and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]].

Huh… what is it again? [[Creator/UniversalStudios The film studio]] [[Franchise/JurassicPark who brought back the dinosaurs]] just called me. They said that they bringing a computer-generated Jumpman movie to the big screen, from [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment those computer guys who did]] [[WesternAnimation/DespicableMe the one with little yellow marketable mooks who speak nonsensical jibber-jabber and somehow like bananas]]. Ahem, I'm going to be in it! Let's hope that it's better than Jumpman and his brother's [[Film/SuperMarioBros first venture into Hollywood]]. Up until those [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie cantankerous]] [[WesternAnimation/TheAngryBirdsMovie2 birds]], [[Film/DetectivePikachu that yellow mouse]], and even that [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 No Hoper]]'s flicks, [[VideoGameMoviesSuck movies based on video games]] were seen as a joke and a tax burnoff. It was a nightmare and heaven help you if your series was chosen by that [[Creator/UweBoll know-nothing clown]].