History Quotes / Torchwood

'''Lyn:''' Yeah? And what're you gonna do about it? If you're the best [[UsefulNotes/BritainVersusTheUK England's]] got to offer, then God help you.\\

'''Ianto:''' I owe it to Lisa, we owe it to her. To find a cure.\\

'''Gwen:''' Thank you. ''[drives off]''

'''Jack:''' You clean now?\\'''John:''' [[SarcasmMode Yeah, kicked everything. Living like a priest.]]

->'''Owen:''' If it's someone we've pissed off that narrows it down to 4 or 5 million.
->'''Jack:''' And that's just the humans.

->'''Gwen:''' Excuse me... Have you seen a blowfish driving a sportscar?
->'''Old lady:''' ''(points in direction of blowfish alien)'' Bloody Torchwood...

->'''Jack:''' So, how was rehab?
->'''John:''' Rehabs. Plural.
->'''Jack:''' Drink, drugs, sex and...?
->'''John:''' Murder.
->'''Jack:''' (cracking up) You went to ''murder'' rehab?
->'''John:''' I know, ridiculous. The odd kill! Who does it hurt?
->'''Jack:''' You clean now?
->'''John:''' [[SarcasmMode Yeah, kicked everything. Living like a priest.]]

->'''Tosh:''' You said we weren't allowed to use that again.
->'''Jack:''' It's just a mind probe.
->'''Ianto:''' Remember what happened ''last'' time we used it?
->'''Jack:''' That was different. That species has extremely high blood pressure.
->'''Ianto:''' Oh right. Their heads must explode all the time.

->'''Owen''' How'd you know that?
->'''Ianto''' I know everything! And it says so on the bottom of the screen.

->'''Jack:''' All you did tonight was mess things up. Now we have to think of a way to get back in and thanks to you they'll have tightened security.
->'''Rhys:''' Well, if you'd stopped and asked me exactly what I saw in there instead of showing off about the place—
->'''Jack:''' Do I show off?
->'''Ianto:''' Just a bit.
->'''Rhys:''' - you'd know that I got out by telling them I wanted a job as a delivery boy. So rather than cock things up I found you a way to get in. ''[getting right in Jack's face]'' But if you can't handle that, Big Boy, then you can stuff it!
->'''Jack:'''...''[glances at Gwen]'' This is quite homoerotic.

->'''Banana Boat:''' So do you fancy a little drink later?
->'''Tosh:''' I'm sorry. I'm intolerant to vasoactive amines.
->'''Banana Boat:''' Huh?
->'''Tosh:''' Bananas make me vomit.

->'''Gwen:''' On your knees!
->'''John:''' [sigh] [[HypocriticalHumor Honestly, it's just sex, sex, sex, with you people.]]
->'''Gwen:''' Now!

->'''Gwen:''' [mockingly] Oh my God, Severn Bridge. I'm going into England. Farewell forever.
->'''Rhys:''' [mock-concerned] Good luck. Have you got currency?
->'''Gwen:''' Yes, and I've had my injections.

->'''Rex''': [aggravated] Now, what is this? Wait a minute, [[FishOutOfWater I've got to pay for this bridge?]] Goddamn Wales.
-->-- '''Rex Matheson''' encounters Severn Bridge [[BrickJoke as well]], "The New World"

->'''Ianto''': Don’t forget me.
->'''Jack''': Never could.
->'''Ianto''': A thousand years’ time…you won’t remember me.
->'''Jack''': Yes, I will. I promise, I will.

->'''Gwen:''' That was your last chance.
->'''Lyn:''' Yeah? And what're you gonna do about it? If you're the best England's got to offer, then God help you.
->'''Gwen:''' I'm Welsh. [punches her]

->'''Lupa''': You like ''Torchwood'' right?
->'''Snob''': Never heard of it. Is it pretentious?
->'''Lupa''': No, but it has lots of gay sex and a pterodactyl!
->'''Snob''': You're alright.
-->'''WebVideo/TheCinemaSnob''' and '''WebVideo/ObscurusLupa''', in their review of The Asylum's ''Film/SherlockHolmes''

->''Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string. Everything, absolutely everything. No more phones, phones all broken.'' (makes a little phone with his hand) ''Hello? Anybody there? NO, because the phones aren't working!''
--> -- '''Ianto Jones''', "They Keep Killing Suzie"

-->'''WebVideo/TheCinemaSnob''' and '''WebVideo/ObscurusLupa''', in their review of The Asylum's ''SherlockHolmes''

->'''Gwen''' I'm Welsh. [punches her]

->'''Rhys:''' - you'd know that I got out by telling them I wanted a job as a delivery boy. So rather than cock things up I found you a way to get in. (getting right in Jack's face) But if you can't handle that, Big Boy, then you can stuff it.
->'''Jack:'''...(glances at Gwen) This is quite homoerotic.

->'''John:''' [sigh] Honestly, it's just sex, sex, sex, with you people.

->''Land lines, mobiles, tin cans with bits of string, all down. Everything down, absolutely everything. No more phones, phones all gone.'' (makes a little phone with his hand) ''Hello? Anybody there? No, because the phones aren't working!''

--> '''Rex Matheson''' encounters Severn Bridge [[BrickJoke as well]], "The New World"