History Quotes / FanWank

->''"When faced with this tsunami of writing issues, people will try any and all methods to brave the storm. We have been through pretty much all of them in this series, but there is something about them that you guys may not have noticed: ''people writing Rian Johnson's script for him''. They fill in the gaps, massive character stories, world rules and explanations of inconsistent events to make the film stronger because it cannot survive on its own. And this outside the third-party information. This is akin to placing scaffolding on a building after it has been build in order to run repairs, only here the story is desperately falling apart. Let me give you some examples of things people have said as if they come from the film while they actually come from their own fanfictions or headcanons: the new bombers were used because the classic bombers weren't good enough to destroy the Dreadnaught; Finn pulled Rose into a trench and got them back to the base without being seen by the First Order that way; the material that created Phasma's armor is limited to the point where they can only create one for her; the bombs were magnetized; Leia trained with Luke for the 30-year gap; the Resistance set their speed to be exactly as fast as the max speed of the First Order to evade them; there was force field in the bomber to prevent the vacuum of space; the hyperspace move was suitable for the situation at hand where it wouldn't have been in every single battle previously in the series; Leia had an adrenaline boost thus allowing her to perform abilities that no other Jedi could; The Codebreaker is a drunk who sleeps off small crimes waiting for someone he could help to end up in jail to. Do you understand the pattern here? People will actively create their own stories in their own heads to ignore the flaws within the script, pulling in universal rules to match their scenarios and hope that is they can just plug up each of these littles holes in the film itself, then it will remain a masterpiece, and that is honestly sad."''
-->--''WebVideo/MauLer'' discussing a big problem with ''Film/TheLastJedi''

->'''Plinkett:''' When he loses, Qui-Gon's gonna ''not'' get the prize money that was meant to go to Watto, and Watto will get the pod back and keep Anakin as the slave still, but then Qui-Gon has to give up...''Obi-Wan'' as a slave? And the ship...? Ah, fuck it.\\
'''Goldshirt:''' Excuse me, maybe I could help! I've watched this movie before, and actually the bet is quite simple when you think about it.\\
'''Plinkett:''' Oh yeah? Why don't you tell me about it.\\
'''Goldshirt:''' Well, Qui-Gon put up the entry fee, ''(cocking of shotgun)'' and Guado had the pod-- ''(BANG)''\\
'''Plinkett:''' Well, that solves ''that'' problem.
-->--'''WebVideo/RedLetterMedia''' riffs ''Film/ThePhantomMenace''

->''"When faced with this tsunami of writing issues, people will try any and all methods to brave the storm. We have been through pretty much all of them in this series, but there is something about them that you guys may not have noticed: ''people writing Rian Johnson's for him''. They fill in the gaps, massive character stories, world rules and explanations of inconsistent events to make the film stronger because it cannot survive on its own. And this outside the third-party information. This is akin to placing scaffolding on a building after it has been build in order to run repairs, only here the story is desperately falling apart. Let me give you some examples of things people have said as if they come from the film while they actually come from their own fanfictions or headcanons: the new bombers were used because the classic bombers weren't good enough to destroy the Dreadnaught; Finn pulled Rose into a trench and got them back to the base without being seen by the First Order that way; the material that created Phasma's armor is limited to the point where they can only create one for her; the bombs were magnetized; Leia trained with Luke for the 30-year gap; the Resistance set their speed to be exactly as fast as the max speed of the First Order to evade them; there was force field in the bomber to prevent the vacuum of space; the hyperspace move was suitable for the situation at hand where it wouldn't have been in every single battle previously in the series; Leia had an adrenaline boost thus allowing her to perform abilities that no other Jedi could; The Codebreaker is a drunk who sleeps off small crimes waiting for someone he could help to end up in jail to. Do you understand the pattern here? People will actively create their own stories in their own heads to ignore the flaws within the script, pulling in universal rules to match their scenarios and hope that is they can just plug up each of these littles holes in the film itself, then it will remain a masterpiece, and that is honestly sad."''

-->'''[=MauLer=]:''' "When faced with this tsunami of writing issues, people will try any and all methods to brave the storm. We have been through pretty much all of them in this series, but there is something about them that you guys may not have noticed: ''people writing Rian Johnson's for him''. They fill in the gaps, massive character stories, world rules and explanations of inconsistent events to make the film stronger because it cannot survive on its own. And this outside the third-party information. This is akin to placing scaffolding on a building after it has been build in order to run repairs, only here the story is desperately falling apart. Let me give you some examples of things people have said as if they come from the film while they actually come from their own fanfictions or headcanons: the new bombers were used because the classic bombers weren't good enough to destroy the Dreadnaught; Finn pulled Rose into a trench and got them back to the base without being seen by the First Order that way; the material that created Phasma's armor is limited to the point where they can only create one for her; the bombs were magnetized; Leia trained with Luke for the 30-year gap; the Resistance set their speed to be exactly as fast as the max speed of the First Order to evade them; there was force field in the bomber to prevent the vacuum of space; the hyperspace move was suitable for the situation at hand where it wouldn't have been in every single battle previously in the series; Leia had an adrenaline boost thus allowing her to perform abilities that no other Jedi could; The Codebreaker is a drunk who sleeps off small crimes waiting for someone he could help to end up in jail to. Do you understand the pattern here? People will actively create their own stories in their own heads to ignore the flaws within the script, pulling in universal rules to match their scenarios and hope that is they can just plug up each of these littles holes in the film itself, then it will remain a masterpiece, and that is honestly sad".
-->--''WebVideo/MauLer'' discussing how ''Film/TheLastJedi'' is way too full of this.

'''Goldshirt:''': Well, Qui-Gon put up the entry fee, ''[cocking of shotgun]'' and Guado had the pod-- ''[BANG]''\\

-->''"It was once a foible confined to the Greeks to inquire into what number of rowers Ulysses had, whether the Iliad or the Odyssey was written first, whether moreover they belong to the same author, and various other matters of this stamp, which, if you keep them to yourself, in no way pleasure your secret soul, and, if you publish them, make you seem more of a bore than a scholar."''

->'''Plinkett:''' I dunno. I guess I'm making a big point about nothing. 'Cause, y'know, the pod race is just a fantasy thing.... When he loses, Qui-Gon's gonna ''not'' get the prize money that was meant to go to Watto, and Watto will get the pod back and keep Anakin as the slave still, but then Qui-Gon has to give up...''Obi-Wan'' as a slave? And the ship...? Ah, fuck it.\\

->'''Plinkett:''' When he loses, QuiGon's gonna...''not'' get the prize money that was meant to go to Watto, and Watto will get the pod back and keep Anakin as the slave still, but then Qui-Gon has to give up...Obi-Wan as a slave? And the ship...? Ah, fuck it.
'''Goldshirt:''' Excuse me, maybe I could help! I've watched this movie before, and actually the bet is quite simple when you think about it.\

-->...one will have any doubt that those are laborious triflers who spend their time on useless literary problems, of whom even among the Romans there is now a great number. It was once a foible confined to the Greeks to inquire into what number of rowers Ulysses had, whether the Iliad or the Odyssey was written first, whether moreover they belong to the same author, and various other matters of this stamp, which, if you keep them to yourself, in no way pleasure your secret soul, and, if you publish them, make you seem more of a bore than a scholar.
-->-- '''Seneca''', "De Brevitate Vitae," published in [[OlderThanFeudalism 44 AD]]