History Quotes / CrisisOfFaith

->''"He had expected to suffer a crisis of faith after she died. He had steeled himself for it, and was surprised when it did not immediately come. The fact was that he had known their reunion must be painfully brief, and he was overwhelmingly grateful that it had happened at all. And certainly the pain of this second separation would have been far worse had it been compounded with loss of faith in both God and in an eventual reunion with her, but it was more than painful enough anyway. The dull agony of separation had been so long, and the reunion so brief—little more than a coda. But it had been beyond price. And then, just when he’d accepted that the crisis would not come, it came. Feeling had returned. And if God is love, then where love had been was now only void."''

->''"Lily looked up from her prayers, still shivering in fear. She was back there again, tied to the wooden post as [[RapeAsDrama demons crawled over her body]].''

->'''No... no... I'm not there anymore...' She tried to block out the laughing demons from her head, but it was useless. The memories assailed her without mercy. Lily started sobbing as she lowered her head to the ground, pulling her hair.''

->''The nun could still hear her friends' screams, see their empty eyes as the [[HiredGuns Black]] [[ArmyOfThievesAndWhores Dogs]] took turns using them for entertainment. Why did this happen to them? Why did [[CrystalDragonJesus the Goddess]] abandon them? Why? Why? Why? The questions keep coming, even as the tears continued to fall."''

->''Lily looked up from her prayers, still shivering in fear. She was back there again, tied to the wooden post as [[RapeAsDrama demons crawled over her body]].''

->''"No... no... I'm not there anymore..." She tried to block out the laughing demons from her head, but it was useless. The memories assailed her without mercy. Lily started sobbing as she lowered her head to the ground, pulling her hair.''

->''The nun could still hear her friends' screams, see their empty eyes as the [[HiredGuns Black]] [[ArmyOfThievesAndWhores Dogs]] took turns using them for entertainment. Why did this happen to them? Why did [[OurGodsAreDifferent the Goddess]] abandon them? Why? Why? Why? The questions keep coming, even as the tears continued to fall.''

->''"Lily looked up from her prayers, still shivering in fear. She was back there again, tied to the wooden post as [[RapeAsDrama demons crawled over her body]].
->'No... no... I'm not there anymore...' She tried to block out the laughing demons from her head, but it was useless. The memories assailed her without mercy. Lily started sobbing as she lowered her head to the ground, pulling her hair.
->The nun could still hear her friends' screams, see their empty eyes as the [[HiredGuns Black]] [[ArmyOfThievesAndWhores Dogs]] took turns using them for entertainment. Why did this happen to them? Why did [[OurGodsAreDifferent the Goddess]] abandon them? Why? Why? Why? The questions keep coming, even as the tears continued to fall."''

->"No... no... I'm not there anymore..." She tried to block out the laughing demons from her head, but it was useless. The memories assailed her without mercy. Lily started sobbing as she lowered her head to the ground, pulling her hair.

->The nun could still hear her friends' screams, see their empty eyes as the [[HiredGuns Black]] [[ArmyOfThievesAndWhores Dogs]] took turns using them for entertainment. Why did this happen to them? Why did [[OurGodsAreDifferent the Goddess]] abandon them? Why? Why? Why? The questions keep coming, even as the tears continued to fall.

->''"He had expected to suffer a crisis of faith after she died. He had steeled himself for it, and was surprised when it did not immediately come. The fact was that he had known their reunion must be painfully brief, and he was overwhelmingly grateful that it had happened at all. And certainly the pain of this second separation would have been far worse had it been compounded with loss of faith in both God and in an eventual reunion with her, but it was more than painful enough anyway. The dull agony of separation had been so long, and the reunion so brief—little more than a coda. But it had been beyond price.''

->''And then, just when he’d accepted that the crisis would not come, it came.''

->''Feeling had returned. And if God is love, then where love had been was now only void."''

->He had expected to suffer a crisis of faith after she died. He had steeled himself for it, and was surprised when it did not immediately come. The fact was that he had known their reunion must be painfully brief, and he was overwhelmingly grateful that it had happened at all. And certainly the pain of this second separation would have been far worse had it been compounded with loss of faith in both God and in an eventual reunion with her, but it was more than painful enough anyway. The dull agony of separation had been so long, and the reunion so brief—little more than a coda. But it had been beyond price.

->And then, just when he’d accepted that the crisis would not come, it came.

->Feeling had returned. And if God is love, then where love had been was now only void.

->Even in my darkest hour, I can turn to the Good Book for- (''shouting'') Son of a gun-diddilly-un! (''looks at cut finger'') Those gilded edges smart. (''slams the Bible shut'') Why me, Lord? Where have I gone wrong? I've always been nice to people. I don't drink or dance or swear. I've even kept kosher just to be on the safe side. I've done everything the Bible says! Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! What more could I do? (''stammering'') I feel like I'm coming apart here. I want to yell out, but I just can't dang-diddily-do-dang, do-dang-diddily-darn do it! l-l-l- (''sighs'')

->Adjusting to a universe without Indira in it was bad. He’d kidded himself that it might not be so, since he had indeed lived without her for these past decades. But to be reunited with her, only to have her then so quickly snatched utterly away, seemed cruel and horrid. Never before had he felt genuine anger with his Maker. That ferocity he’d found in the early books of the Bible all those years ago, that had led to bloody wars and death on God’s command, all of that came crashing back into his memory. He tried to remember his old discussions about such things with Kazuo, and the missionary’s responses all now seemed trite and preposterous. Paul marveled at the contradiction that he could simultaneously be angry with God and doubt His existence.

->He struggled with it. Even the promise of eventual reunion with Indira offered little solace now. God’s seeming absence right then was a terrible torment that Paul could not understand. He had felt imminence before; why, even in Earth’s heat, was Creation suddenly turned cold now?

->He wanted a sense of God, and of His goodness, His benevolence, His love. And he wanted more than anything to sense her.

->He wondered how he might have reacted, had she died half a solar system away, without his ever having seen her again. Would he have mourned then as he did now?

->“We were just starting,” Paul said.

->He stepped outside to look at the stars. Alone. He felt the empty space beside him. She who had felt agorophobic and claustrophobic looking at the heavens, and then later found comfort in them. The stars howled and jeered at him tonight, as they once had done at her. He sought the solace they had once offered him, which he had pointed out to her, for which she’d thanked him. The howling grew louder, and his soul writhed beneath the void as the abyss stared through him.

->Still he gazed till dawn.

->The sun rose. And the light was good.

->Dawn on a thick-aired world. Purple and rose and gold and fire, and deep then paling blue, and quiet chirping, and some exceedingly small but nascent measure of peace. And God was there.

->Still in pain, but comforted, Paul said a thank you to the Lord.

->He opened the door of his house on Indira’s world called Earth and went inside.

->''"Even in my darkest hour, I can turn to the Good Book for- (''shouting'') Son of a gun-diddilly-un! (''looks at cut finger'') Those gilded edges smart. (''slams the Bible shut'') Why me, Lord? Where have I gone wrong? I've always been nice to people. I don't drink or dance or swear. I've even kept kosher just to be on the safe side. I've done everything the Bible says! Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! What more could I do? (''stammering'') I feel like I'm coming apart here. I want to yell out, but I just can't dang-diddily-do-dang, do-dang-diddily-darn do it! l-l-l- (''sighs'')"''

->''"I kneeled down in the waiting room and I prayed. I prayed so hard to God I went purple. I was certain she would pull through because I had always believed in the power of prayer and I felt tge presence of God, I felt His breath on my face and I was sure... I was sure he would breathe her to ''life'' and there's people running in and out and then my Aunt Nancy, with a line down her face and her black coat over her arm... she is standing there and at first I thought she was gonna say "Mum is fine, she is okay and we're gonna take her home" and I thought thank you God thank you for this and then I saw her face. Her eyes, like her pupils these large black holes; and then I knew; I knew I was stupid, simple to think Mum would make it out of there alive and in that moment I wondered, Marie, if there is any God at all."''

-->-- ''Literature/AlienInASmallTown''