History Quotes / Archer

"Viscous Coupling", Season 4

'''Cheryl:''' Ehhhh, well, but also emotional violence.\\

'''Lana:''' You thought what, Ray? You thought that maybe because of my race I might just have an issue with the concept of owning a human being? \\\\

'''Archer:''' Point is, you come out of the john waving this around ''(lifts up the gun)'', nobody's gonna bug you for a tip.
-->"Training Day", Season 1

->'''Archer:''' What? You're black...ish.
->'''Lana:''' Ish?
->'''Archer:''' Well, what's the word for it, Lana? You freaked out when I said 'quadroon.'
-->"Diversity Hire", Season 1

->'''Lana:''' Whoever he is, he ghosted an ID file onto our world-wide database.
->'''Archer:''' Which you probably found while researching me...
->'''Lana:''' *sigh*
->'''Archer:''' Lana 'cause you're in the uh... Danger Zoooone! *cough from weakness*
->'''Lana:''' And those were his last words. Before he bled to death on the rug.
-->"Diversity Hire", Season 1

->'''Lana:''' We'll never catch him in this thing!
->'''Archer:''' Maybe you should have thought of that before you blew the damn drop!
->'''Lana:''' I blew Jack Shit!
->'''Archer:''' Name dropper!
-->"Job Offer", Season 1

->'''Malory:''' Just turn off the mainframe.
->'''Lana:''' (holds up an unplugged power cord) Yeah, we tried that.
->'''Malory:''' Then how is it still on?
->'''Krieger:''' Because the worm has turned the mainframe...into a sentient being.
->'''(dramatic musical sting)'''
->'''Malory:''' What?
->'''Krieger:''' I'm kidding. There's a battery backup.
-->"Tragical History", Season 2

->'''Krieger''': Leave me alone! I am not a Nazi!
->'''Cyril''': What about your father?
->'''Krieger''': No! He was a scientist!
->'''Cyril''': Pretty sure the Nazis had scientists.
->'''Krieger''': No! That's why we... uh, ''[[VerbalBackspace they]]'' lost the war! Lack of science!
-->"Placebo Effect", Season 2

->[[spoiler:'''Barry''': ''Yeah!'' One for three off the roof, ''[[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch Bitch]]!'']]
-->"Double Trouble", Season 2

-> '''Gillete:''' Look at him! He is lithe. You know they asked if I wanted to buy him outright. But then I thought ...
-> '''Lana:''' You thought what, Ray? You thought that maybe because of my race I might just have an issue with the concept of owning a human being?
-> '''Gillete:''' Actually, I just thought I'd probably get bored with him.
-->"Heart of Archness, Part 2", Season 3

-> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just at Christmas, the tenants usually give me a small consideration for the work all year I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am, especially this year as we've had more than the usual medical bills
-> '''Malory:''' Your point being?
-> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just that, for the third year running, you give me a potato.
-> '''Malory:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Oh dear, so once again you're faced with the classic Irishman's dilemma: do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?]]
-->"Lo Scandolo", Season 3

->'''Malory''': Is Krieger hard at work?
->'''Archer''': He ''literally'' might be.
-->"Lo Scandolo", Season 3

->'''Archer''': ''(seeing Krieger's skin-coloured wetsuit)'' Why is it skin-coloured?
->'''Krieger''': Well, it's not if you're black.
->'''Archer''': What is it with serial killers and skin?!
->'''Krieger''': I'm not a... ''serial'' killer!
->'''Archer''': ...Wait, why'd you emphasise "serial"?
->'''Krieger''': I did ''whaaat?''
-->"Skin Game", Season 3

-> '''Archer:''' I'm just going to say it, I think it's ''super'' creepy you get sexually aroused by physical violence.
-> '''Cheryl:''' Ehhhh, well, but also emotional violence.
-> '''Archer:''' Wow.
-> '''Cheryl:''' Yeah.
-> '''Archer:''' [[NotHelpingYourCase That's... even creepier.]]
-->"Legs", Season 4

->'''Archer''': But, if you don't wanna see two robots smashing each other with cop cars and shit, as they fight to the death through the streets of Manhattan--
->'''Dr. Krieger''': Bup bup bup bup bup - Stop. My penis can only get so erect!
-->"Viscous Coupling", Season 4

'''Archer:''' Point is, you come out of the john waving this around ''(lifts up the gun)'', nobody's gonna bug you for a tip.\\

->'''Cyril:''' But when would you use an underwear gun?
->'''Archer:''' Hopefully never. But say you're in a Caribbean bungalow and you're kinda high. An exotic woman on the bed... Now is she just the high-priced whore you asked for or is she... an assassin!
->'''Cyril:''' I don't know, I...
->'''Archer:''' Oh, here's room service! Who ordered champagne?
->'''Cyril:''' Uh, how should I know?
->'''Archer:''' Exactly, you're baked, you can't remember! But since when does it take three huge, surly Jamaican guys to deliver one bottle of champagne!
->'''Cyril:''' Aah, because they're assassins too!
->'''Archer:''' Or! Maybe one guy's a new waiter, the second one's training him and the third's from maintenance finally off his lazy ass to fix the AC!
->'''Cyril:''' Oh. Yeah, I guess that could happen...
->'''Archer:''' Point is, you come out of the john waving this around ''(lifts up the gun)'', nobody's gonna bug you for a tip.

->'''Dr. Krieger''': Bup bup bup bup bup - Stop. My penis can only get so erect.

-->"Legs", Season 4

-> '''Archer:''' I'm just going to say it, I think it's ''super'' creepy you get sexually aroused by physical violence.
-> '''Cheryl:''' Ehhhh, well, but also emotional violence.
-> '''Archer:''' Wow.
-> '''Cheryl:''' Yeah.
-> '''Archer:''' [[NotHelpingYourCase That's... even creepier.]]

-> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just at Christmas, the tenants usually give me a small consideration for the work all year I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am, especially this year as we've had more than the usual medical bills
-> '''Malory:''' Your point being?
-> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just that, for the third year running, you give me a potato.
-> '''Malory:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Oh dear, so once again you're faced with the classic Irishman's dilemma: do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?]]

->'''Cyril:''' But when would you use an underwear gun?
->'''Archer:''' Hopefully never. But say you're in a Caribbean bungalow and you're kinda high. An exotic woman on the bed... Now is she just the high-priced whore you asked for or is she... an assassin!
->'''Cyril:''' I don't know, I...
->'''Archer:''' Oh, here's room service! Who ordered champagne?
->'''Cyril:''' Uh, how should I know?
->'''Archer:''' Exactly, you're baked, you can't remember! But since when does it take three huge, surly Jamaican guys to deliver one bottle of champagne!
->'''Cyril:''' Aah, because they're assassins too!
->'''Archer:''' Or! Maybe one guy's a new waiter, the second one's training him and the third's from maintenance finally off his lazy ass to fix the AC!
->'''Cyril:''' Oh. Yeah, I guess that could happen...
->'''Archer:''' Point is, you come out of the john waving this around ''(lifts up the gun)'', nobody's gonna bug you for a tip.

->'''Lana:''' Whoever he is, he ghosted an ID file onto our world-wide database.
->'''Archer:''' Which you probably found while researching me...
->'''Lana:''' *sigh*
->'''Archer:''' Lana 'cause you're in the uh... Danger Zoooone! *cough from weakness*
->'''Lana:''' And those were his last words. Before he bled to death on the rug.

->'''Malory:''' Just turn off the mainframe.
->'''Lana:''' (holds up an unplugged power cord) Yeah, we tried that.
->'''Malory:''' Then how is it still on?
->'''Krieger:''' Because the worm has turned the mainframe...into a sentient being.
->'''(dramatic musical sting)'''
->'''Malory:''' What?
->'''Krieger:''' I'm kidding. There's a battery backup.

-> '''Archer:''' That's... even creepier.

-> '''Lana:''' You thought what, Ray? You thought that maybe because of my racial background I might just have an issue with someone owning another human being?

->'''Lana:''' And those were his last words.

-->'''Lana:''' Whoever he is, he ghosted an ID file onto our world-wide database.
-->'''Archer:''' Which you probably found while researching me...
-->'''Lana:''' *sigh*
-->'''Archer:''' Lana 'cause you're in the uh... Danger Zoooone! *cough from weakness*
-->'''Lana:''' And those were his last words.

-->'''Malory:''' Just turn off the mainframe.
-->'''Lana:''' (holds up an unplugged power cord) Yeah, we tried that.
-->'''Malory:''' Then how is it still on?
-->'''Krieger:''' Because the worm has turned the mainframe...into a sentient being.
-->'''(dramatic musical sting)'''
-->'''Malory:''' What?
-->'''Krieger:''' I'm kidding. There's a battery backup.

--> '''Archer:''' I'm just going to say it, I think it's ''super'' creepy you get sexually aroused by physical violence.
--> '''Cheryl:''' Ehhhh, well, but also emotional violence.
--> '''Archer:''' Wow.
--> '''Cheryl:''' Yeah.
--> '''Archer:''' That's... even creepier.

-->'''Archer:''' What? You're black...ish.
-->'''Lana:''' Ish?
-->'''Archer:''' Well, what's the word for it, Lana? You freaked out when I said 'quadroon.'

--> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just at Christmas, the tenants usually give me a small consideration for the work all year I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am, especially this year as we've had more than the usual medical bills
--> '''Malory:''' Your point being?
--> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just that, for the third year running, you give me a potato.
--> '''Malory:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Oh dear, so once again you're faced with the classic Irishman's dilemma: do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?]]

-->'''Lana:''' We'll never catch him in this thing!
-->'''Archer:''' Maybe you should have thought of that before you blew the damn drop!
-->'''Lana:''' I blew Jack Shit!
-->'''Archer:''' Name dropper!

-->'''Cyril:''' But when would you use an underwear gun?
-->'''Archer:''' Hopefully never. But say you're in a Caribbean bungalow and you're kinda high. An exotic woman on the bed... Now is she just the high-priced whore you asked for or is she... an assassin!
-->'''Cyril:''' I don't know, I...
-->'''Archer:''' Oh, here's room service! Who ordered champagne?
-->'''Cyril:''' Uh, how should I know?
-->'''Archer:''' Exactly, you're baked, you can't remember! But since when does it take three huge, surly Jamaican guys to deliver one bottle of champagne!
-->'''Cyril:''' Aah, because they're assassins too!
-->'''Archer:''' Or! Maybe one guy's a new waiter, the second one's training him and the third's from maintenance finally off his lazy ass to fix the AC!
-->'''Cyril:''' Oh. Yeah, I guess that could happen...
-->'''Archer:''' Point is, you come out of the john waving this around ''(lifts up the gun)'', nobody's gonna bug you for a tip.

---> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just at Christmas, the tenants usually give me a small consideration for the work all year I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am, especially this year as we've had more than the usual medical bills
---> '''Malory:''' Your point being?
---> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just that, for the third year running, you give me a potato.
---> '''Malory:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Oh dear, so once again you're faced with the classic Irishman's dilemma: do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?]]

* From "Lo Scandalo"
--> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just at Christmas, the tenants usually give me a small consideration for the work all year I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am, especially this year as we've had more than the usual medical bills.
--> '''Malory:''' Your point being?
--> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just that, for the third year running, you give me a potato.
--> '''Malory:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Oh dear, so once again you're faced with the classic Irishman's dilemma: do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?]]

--> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just that, for the third year running, you gave me a potato.
--> '''Malory:''' Oh dear, so once again you're faced with the classic Irishman's dilemma: do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?

--> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just at Christmas, the tenants usually give me a small consideration for the work all year I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am,\\ especially this year as we've had more than the usual medical bills.\\
--> '''Malory:''' Your point being?\\
--> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just that, for the third year running, you gave me a potato.\\
--> '''Malory:''' Oh dear, so once again you're faced with the classic Irishman's dilemma: do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?\\

--> '''Mr. Earley:''' It's just at Christmas, the tenants usually give me a small consideration for the work all year I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am,\\ especially this year as we've had more than the usual medical bill.\\

--> '''Mr Earley:''' It's just that every year, the tenants give me a small stipend for the work I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am, since this year we've had\\ more than the usual medical expenses.\\

--> '''Mr Earley:''' It's just that every year, the tenants give me a small stipend for the work I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am, since this year we've had more than the usual medical expenses.\\

Mr Earley: It's just that every year, the tenants give me a small stipend for the work I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am, since this year we've had more than the usual medical expenses.\\
Malory: Your point being?\\
Mr. Earley: It's just that, for the third year running, you gave me a potato.\\
Malory: Oh dear, so once again you're faced with the classic Irishman's dilemma: do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?\\

Mr Earley: It's just that every year, the tenants give me a small stipend for the work I do keeping up the building. We surely count on it ma'am, since this year we've had more than the usual medical expenses.
Malory: Your point being?
Mr. Earley: It's just that, for the third year running, you gave me a potato.
Malory: Oh dear, so once again you're faced with the classic Irishman's dilemma: do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?