History Main / Uncoffee

* In the ''Literature/DragonridersOfPern'' books, everybody drinks klah, which isn't coffee or tea. (The colonists found that coffee plants wouldn't grow successfully and the tea plants were wiped out in the first Threadfall, so they [[JustifiedTrope concocted a substitute]] from the bark of a native tree. It tastes more like "cinnamony chocolate, with a touch of hazelnut and coffee".) It's stated in ''Dragonsdawn'' that the first two things human colonists always do on a new world are 1. find something that can be turned into booze and 2. find something that can be turned into a caffeinated drink. The second one is necessary because coffee plants won't grow successfully on any planet but Earth for some reason. And all the tea plants were consumed by Thread on Pern, in the First Fall.

* In the ''Literature/DragonridersOfPern'' books, everybody drinks klah, which isn't coffee or tea. (The colonists found that neither of those plants would grow successfully, so they [[JustifiedTrope concocted a substitute]] from the bark of a native tree. It tastes more like "cinnamony chocolate, with a touch of hazelnut and coffee".) It's stated in ''Dragonsdawn'' that the first two things human colonists always do on a new world are 1. find something that can be turned into booze and 2. find something that can be turned into a caffeinated drink. The second one is necessary because coffee plants won't grow successfully on any planet but Earth for some reason. And all the tea plants were consumed by Thread on Pern, in the First Fall.

* There are a wide variety of variations to or replacements for coffee as any visitor to Starbucks knows. See Wiki/TheOtherWiki's list of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_substitute coffee substitutes]] for some examples.

* For a while in the late [=1800s=], caffeine became heavily demonized by the as unhealthy, which resulted in the marketing of quite a few coffee and tea substitutes as a more wholesome substitute, some of these still remain, e.g. Inka, Camp, and most famously, [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postum Postum]] (one of those roasted grain beverages; and yes, that's "Post" as in "Post Cereal"), which was and still is hugely popular among Mormons and Seventh-Day Adventists (it's still being made by a smaller firm that mostly markets to the aforementioned). It was also given to children considered too young for coffee. Apparently, Postum had the advantage that it mostly tasted like its own drink, rather than a pale imitation of real coffee.

* For much of the 20th Century, [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postum Postum]] (one of those roasted grain beverages; and yes, that's "Post" as in "Post Cereal") is hugely popular among Mormons and Seventh-Day Adventists (it's still being made by a smaller firm that mostly markets to the aforementioned). It was also given to children considered too young for coffee.

* According to ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'' the Vulcans have a kind of "un-tea." Sarek's wife Perrin mentions, over a cup of mint tea with Picard, that the Vulcans have "something they call mint," which apparently isn't as good as real Earth mint, or at least not quite the same.

* In ''Website/{{Neopets}}'', a beverage called "borovan" was preferred among Neopians, obtained by getting asparagus -- the TrademarkFavoriteFood of former site owner Adam "Number Six" Powell -- and [[BizarreTasteInFood mixing it with hot chocolate]] in the Mystery Island Cooking Pot. While in later years it [[ExpyCoexistence coexists with coffee and tea]], it's still what comes up most often out of the three [[TheArtifact as a nod to Neopia's history]].

* Even [[ProudWarriorRaceGuy the Clans]] of ''TabletopGame/BattleTech'' are not immune to the lure of coffee-like products, drinking a utilitarian stimulant known only as "caff," heavily implied to be nothing more than Vietnam-era Army coffee in effect and flavor. It's telling that a Clan warrior drinking Inner Sphere brewed commercial coffee (think Starbucks) had no idea what he was drinking and had to ask.

* The ''Series/StarTrekVoyager''/''Franchise/StarWars'' crossover "[[https://archiveofourown.org/works/14515959 There's Coffee in That Galaxy (Far, Far Away)]]" by lost spook differentiates between ''Star Wars'''s uncoffees (see below). Vine-coffee is basically "real" coffee, caf is the cheap and nasty artificial version, and coffeine and stimcaf appear to be somewhere in the middle.

* ''VideoGame/FalloutNewVegas'' has "Black Coffee" from ''Honest Hearts''... made of Coyote tobacco chew (leaves) and honey mesquite pods. It's stimulating at the least as it makes you smarter (+2 to Intelligence) but less quick on your feet (-1 Agility) for a minute. One can only assume it tastes better than [[CordonBleughChef "Bloatfly sliders" made of fly meat and prickly pear fruit]]

* ''VideoGame/MarioAndLuigiSuperstarSaga'' has Starbean's Cafe, where one can sample various blends of... bean juice. (Although, strictly speaking, coffee ''is'' bean juice.)

* In The Blitz, Britons had a similar problem with obtaining coffee (although [[SpotOfTea other drinks]] were more of a problem [[SeriousBusiness when they became unavailable]]). This may be the reason for the popularity of instant coffee in present day Britain.

* In the ''Literature/CiaphasCain'' books, the title character claims to have once fought his way single-handed through a continent full of Orks just to get a bowl of [[SpotOfTea Tanna Tea]]! But he will also drink "Re-caff" as well, which is recycled caffeine.

See also AllBeerIsAle, BadToTheLastDrop.

* ''Literature/TheHelmsmanSaga'' features cvcesse', defined as "A hot, sticky liquid with natural stimulants and a pleasant, toasted taste consumed at all hours [[note]]but especially good in the morning[[/note]] throughout the Known Universe. Usually served in mugs or cups."
* In ''Literature/HoratioHornblower'', the Navy typically uses burnt bread (with lots of sugar to mask the taste) once the actual coffee runs out.
* In ''Literature/TheJournalEntries'', a "Sendar equivalent of coffee" is popular under the short name "kfi".
* ''Literature/TheGeneralSeries'': Raj Whitehall reflects that the Gubierno Civil's High Command can't function without "kave" from distant Azania.
* Shaddi in ''Literature/ReflectionsOfEterna'' fulfills the same role as coffee. It was even imported to Talig from the FantasyCounterpartCulture of Arabia.
* ''Literature/StarDarlings'' has Zing, a "traditional Starling breakfast drink that can be enjoyed hot or iced."
* Played with in the German SF novel ''Der Verbannte von Asyth'' ("The Exile from Asyth") -- the alien culture the title character and his companion-in-exile hail from has a drink that must be chemically virtually identical to Earth coffee judging by the latter's effects on one of them, but to them it acts as an [[AlienCatnip addictive intoxicant]]. Presumably 'klukol' would make an acceptable coffee substitute for Earthlings in turn.
* ''Literature/TheRestaurantAtTheEndOfTheUniverse'' parodies this effect, but instead of coffee, it's the alcoholic drink "gin and tonic" that gets this treatment, showing up instead as "jynnan tonnyx", a [[ThatSoundsFamiliar suspiciously similar name]] which the Guide itself immediately lampshades. In light of this, one wonders whether Douglas Adams drank a lot while writing... (Although a jynnan tonnyx actually tastes like a whisky and soda.)
* ''Literature/{{Safehold}}'': Later in the novels, cherrybean tea makes an appearance. Readers who are at all familiar with coffee need neither the InUniverse confirmation from Merlin nor the glossary entry to tell what this would have been called on Old Earth.
* In the novella ''With Delicate Mad Hands'' by Creator/JamesTiptreeJr, having made a kind of controlled crash landing on the Pigworld (actually a brown dwarf star) she's been aiming for since childhood, Carol settles down to communicate with the residents (she can't leave her ship due to high levels of radiation) with a "breakfast bar and self-heating kaffy". This could be the real thing or a coffee substitute (since [[DividedStatesOfAmerica Earth's recovering]] from [[AfterTheEnd several apocalyptic wars]]).
* After he runs out of real coffee, [[{{Determinator}} Mark]] [[MacGyvering Watney]] in ''Literature/TheMartian'' brews one of these diluting caffein pills in hot water.
* In ''Literature/TheLastRune'', residents of Eldh drink a stimulant brew called maddok (although the nobility tend to consider it embarrassingly common). Travis mistakes it for coffee at first, but revises his assessment the first time he tastes it; Grace sticks to the comparison.

* According to ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'' the Vulcans have a kind of "un-tea." Sarek's wife Perrin mentions, over a cup of mint tea with Picard, that the Vulcans have "something they call mint," which apparently isn't as good as real Earth mint, or at least not quite the same.
* ''Series/BarneyMiller'': Wojo takes Dietrich's suggestion for a substitute in order to save water during a drought: hot Dr. Pepper. Barney is ''not'' pleased.
** Drinking hot Dr Pepper was an actual (short-lived) fad at the time. There were instructions on the can and everything!
* ''Series/TheGoodPlace'': The Architects have two coffee pots in the office: one regular, one ''antimatter''.

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* Even [[ProudWarriorRaceGuy the Clans]] of ''TabletopGame/BattleTech'' are not immune to the lure of coffee-like products, drinking a utilitarian stimulant known only as "caff," heavily implied to be nothing more than Vietnam-era Army coffee in effect and flavor. It's telling that a Clan warrior drinking Inner Sphere brewed commercial coffee (think Starbucks) had no idea what he was drinking and had to ask.
* A ''Magazine/{{Dragon}}'' article about food and drink in the ''TabletopGame/{{Greyhawk}}'' setting mentions kaffet, a bean grown in the Baklunish Basin (Oerth's FantasyCounterpartCulture Arabia) and made into a "bitter tonic" that promotes wakefulness.

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* ''VideoGame/FalloutNewVegas'' has "Black Coffee" from ''Honest Hearts''... made of Coyote tobacco chew (leaves) and honey mesquite pods. It's stimulating at the least as it makes you smarter (+2 to Intelligence) but less quick on your feet (-1 Agility) for a minute. One can only assume it tastes better than [[CordonBleughChef "Bloatfly sliders" made of fly meat and prickly pear fruit]]
* Near the end of ''VideoGame/ConquestsOfCamelot'', you encounter an old sage who offers you a cup of "qahwah," and if you ask him about it, its description sounds exactly like coffee.
* ''VideoGame/DeadInVinland'', set in the [[WordOfGod tenth century]], has a couple of different ones. Wormwood Potions subtract 20 points from a character's [[MultipleLifeBars Fatigue bar]] and there's a reference to starting the day with one. Kola nuts (which do contain caffeine in RealLife) are also available, and can be brewed into a Kola Potion which subtracts 10 points each of Fatigue and Depression and looks [[PlayedForLaughs suspiciously like a Coca-Cola bottle]]. While one member of the PlayerParty ''is'' from West Africa, where kola nuts grow, the game's IslandOfMystery setting is [[WordOfGod somewhere near Newfoundland]]... but you'll occasionally find kola nuts [[FridgeLogic growing in the wild]] there anyway. But then, [[AWizardDidIt it's a magical island]] with [[BellisariosMaxim much weirder things]] [[MST3KMantra going on]]...

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* ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' had an episode where Mrs. Krabappel offers Superintendent Chalmers a cup of "coffee-flavoured beverine"; Chalmers takes his "grey, with creamium". Presumably it's the same concept as the malk ("now with Vitamin R!") found in another episode: a poor, low-cost substitute that's all the school can afford.

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* ''Fanfic/AenrhienVailiuri'' has the Romulans quaffing a highly caffeinated bitter tea. Morgan flavors the recipe used on the ''Aen'rhien'' with khellid honey and spices (making it sort of like chai), but her tactical officer Sahuel complains that it's too sweet that way. Unfortunately, "replicated just tastes fake", so she's stuck. Jaleh Khoroushi, the Iranian ops officer and TokenHuman, {{lampshades}} it, thinking that it's funny how every species in the galaxy seems to have come up with some variation of a hot beverage with stimulant properties.
* The ''Fanfic/TriptychContinuum'' features wake-up juice as the stimulant drink of pony choice. Unusually, this beverage explicitly exists alongside tea and coffee. (The latter is indicated to be, at best, an acquired taste for most ponies (and a near-addiction for Cadance).) Little is known about the beverage other than its color (creamy yellow), the fact that it's plant-based -- and those same plants, if raised in the vicinity of wild magic, are the source of the FantasticDrug Exam Crystal.

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%% * [[SubvertedTrope Subverted]] in ''Literature/{{Phenomena}}'', although in a way one won't expect until one's there.
* Literature/{{Emberverse}}: After technology (and, consequently, society) breaks down, real coffee becomes a rare and incredibly expensive luxury in most of North America. Several substitutes become fashionable among the younger generation, most notably chicory, which comes to be called "coffee" in some places. But many characters old enough to remember life before the Change eschew it, saying that it tastes just barely enough like the real thing to make them miss it all the more.

* The ''Franchise/StarWarsExpandedUniverse'' has "caf tea", or "coffeine" or "caffa" or just "caf", depending on the writer, since most of them don't like or haven't bothered looking up the words already coined. It's a big universe and these all might be distinct beverages or brands, but even so. And [[Literature/XWingSeries oratay]], which is apparently rare. Averted with the highly exotic drink ''hot chocolate''. One ''Jedi Apprentice'' book mentions "kopi tea", which is sorta funny when you know [[BilingualBonus "kopi" is Malay for "coffee"]].
* The ''Literature/HeraldsOfValdemar'' series usually sticks to "strong tea", but occasionally mentions a stimulant drink called "bitteralm". That one's particularly strange, because it sounds like a reference to "bitter almond", which is a real-world nut that contains cyanide and must be carefully treated before it's edible.
** In the ''Mage Storms'' trilogy, when Karal is suffering from homesickness one of the things he misses about being in Karse is "a good, strong cup of ''kava''". There's also an Imperial beverage (brought to Hardorn by Tremane's forces) called ''kav'', which is specifically noted as being good at waking drinkers up.

* In Randall Garrett's ''Literature/LordDarcy'' books, coffee is called "caffe" in the Anglo-French Empire. A passing comment in one of the Kurland novels suggests that caffe might actually be ''hot chocolate'' rather than coffee.
* In the ''Mageworlds'' series, the Mageworlds have a drink called "uffa", and the Adeptworlds have a drink called "cha'a" (which is probably tea, because ''chá'' is how the word for tea is pronounced in some Chinese dialects, and many other languages' words for tea are derived from this).
* The Seanchan of ''Literature/TheWheelOfTime'' have a hot drink called kaf, which is quite likely coffee.
* The people in ''Literature/{{Dragonlance}}'' drink "tarbean tea". There is also a drink called "Kefre" which is probably even more coffee-like than tarbean tea.
* In the ''Chronicles of the Warlands'' trilogy, it's kavage.
* In Creator/ElizabethMoon's ''Literature/TheDeedOfPaksenarrion'' series, the stimulant drink of choice is "sib". Sib is a mixture of bitter herbs steeped in water, sort of like tea - except tea exists in the setting as well, and sib is different (tea is a luxury good of limited availability, sib is included in mercenaries' rations).
** There is also "asar", which might be a candidate, but apart from that it is served hot, has stimulating and restorative properties attributed to it and that it is given to sentries on outdoor duty, nothing is known.
* The ''Literature/ChanurNovels'' by Creator/CJCherryh have the cat-like aliens drinking ''gfi''.

* In ''Literature/LabyrinthsOfEcho'' by Max Frei, everyone in the parallel universe of Echo drinks ''kamra''. It takes a weak, but really specific magic to make it just right and one of the {{Running Gag}}s in the series is the protagonist's seemingly utter inability to make kamra that can be consumed by people with functional taste buds (he even considers using it to intimidate criminals at interrogations but decides that it's against the law). It takes an intervention of a powerful wizard to teach him to make kamra properly and later on, he cheats by stealing real coffee from our world.

* In the ''Literature/DocSidhe'' novels by Creator/AaronAllston, the fair world equivalent of coffee is a bitter chocolate based drink named ''xioc'' (or, with milk, "''xioc au lait''"...). It takes some getting used to for the characters originally from Earth.
* In the ''Literature/{{Dragaera}}'' series, coffee does exist, but most of the characters drink the specific variant of it known as ''klava'' (which is filtered through eggshells), and served with honey and cream. Vlad is annoyed that Dragaerans traditionally serve it in a glass rather than a mug, because it burns his hands. It's probably based on Hungarian egg coffee, because the Easterner culture is a FantasyCounterpartCulture to medieval Hungary.
* Fleegix, a watery, hot chocolate-like beverage that is made from the berries of the four zitzkis bushes that grow only on the summit of the mountain-city of Lenny in the existential plane of Waka-Waka and drunk out of ceremonial Lucite-handled thermal cups, shows up a lot in the sillier Creator/DanielPinkwater novels. Which is to say most of them. Debuted in ''Literature/AlanMendelsohnTheBoyFromMars''.
* In the ''Literature/{{Sten}}'' series, people drink "caff".
* Tah in Doris Egan's Ivory trilogy. Specifically pointed out to be mildly addictive. In the second book, the outlaws decide to earn themselves a pardon by stealing all the tah they can get a hold of, thus annoying the population and government officials when they can't get their fixes.
* Coffee in Lisanne Norman's Literature/SholanAlliance series acts as an intoxicant to the Sholans, who drink a much milder version called ''c'shar''.
* Creator/TrudiCanavan has "raka" for coffee (drunk by slum dwellers) and "sumi" for tea (staple for the upper classes).

* In ''Franchise/{{Dune}}'' they drink coffee flavored with [[SpiceOfLife melange]], which makes perfect sense for [[SpaceJews Space Arabs]].[[note]]Spices, particularly cardamom, are popular additives to coffee in Arab countries.[[/note]] Granted, this isn't entirely by choice, since melange is everywhere on Arrakis anyway, to the point that everyone on Arrakis is addicted to it.
* The protagonist of ''[[Literature/WizBiz Wizard's Bane]]'' craves [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jolt_cola Jolt Cola]] rather than coffee, but eventually discovers that a foul-tasting drink called "blackmoss tea" works just as well. In the sequel hired Earth programmers request coffee or tea, but accept blackmoss tea too.
* In the ''Literature/CiaphasCain'' books, the title character claims to have once fought his way single-handed through a continent full of Orks just to get a bowl of [[SpotOfTea Tanna Tea]]! But he will also drink "Re-caff" as well, which is recycled caffeine.

* In ''Literature/{{Fairest}}'' by Gail Carson Levine, the citizens of Ayortha enjoy a hot molasses beverage called ostumo.

* Creator/FritzLeiber's ''Literature/FafhrdAndTheGrayMouser'' enjoy the occasional cup of hot gahveh.
* A meta example in Creator/DianaWynneJones's short story ''Nad and Dan adn Quaffy''. The story is about a science-fiction author with a coffee addiction who tends to write all her main characters as having an addiction to some kind of SuspiciouslySimilarSubstitute. The ''quaffy'' in the title is one of them, but there is also ''gav'', ''chvi'', ''kivay'', ''xfy'', etc. This gets to the point were she starts calling coffee itself ''chofiy'' or ''c'phee'' by mistake.

* In ''VideoGame/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy'' game, asking the food replicator for tea caused it to give you a healthy and nutritious tea substitute.[[note]]This does have an in-game use, functioning as the Brownian motion generator for the Improbability Drive.[[/note]] You ''really'' have to work in order to get real tea out of the dang thing.
** Narrowly averted in [[Radio/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy the original radio drama,]] where the computer ''offers'' Arthur the Uncoffee,[[note]]almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea[[/note]] and he asks it to consider the possibility that he might actually '''want''' the unhealthy, non-nutritious version. The computer does so, but this takes up so much computing power that the group almost can't avoid the incoming nuclear missiles. [[BrickJoke And after the attack, it spits out a cup of real tea.]]

* ''[[VideoGame/MarioAndLuigiSuperstarSaga Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga]]'' has Starbean's Cafe, where one can sample various blends of... bean juice. (Although, strictly speaking, coffee ''is'' bean juice.)

* A modern-day example occurs in one episode of ''Series/BarneyMiller'' when Wojo takes Dietrich's suggestion for a substitute in order to save water during a drought: hot Dr. Pepper. Barney is ''not'' pleased.

* In ''Fanfic/EmpathTheLuckiestSmurf'', the beverage is referred to as cinnamon tree bark brew or acorn brew.

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* UsefulNotes/FrederickTheGreat liked [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot/FoodAndDrink coffee boiled in champagne]]. Given that he was a great conqueror, you might have expected him to drink [[SymbolicBlood red]] [[AGlassOfChianti wine]], or as a German to drink beer, but you would be forgetting his intense love for all things modern and French--and in 18th-century Europe, coffee was modern and champagne was (of course) French.

---->"Klingons have developed a way to make coffee particularly strong, both in flavour and in its effect as a stimulant, and it’s a very popular beverage. As a rule, coffee’s consumed plain - that is, black - but some Klingons prefer to mix other ingredients in with the coffee. If some kind of liquor is added to the coffee, the drink is called ra’taj. It’s said that the drink was originally nicknamed ra’wI’ taj (“commander’s knife,” suggestive of its potency), and that the name was shortened over time. In any event, ra’taj became one of the few Klingon foods to gain popularity outside the Empire, though in an altered form. Instead of containing liquor, as does the genuine Klingon ra’taj, the “export” version (which came to be pronounced in Federation Standard) consists of strong Klingon coffee plus a nutlike flavouring. Eventually, a new fashion developed - adding cream to the - and with this innovation came yet another name, , modelled after the name of another popular coffee drink, cappuccino. Raktajino is now served hot or iced, with or without extra cream, and with or without the rind of some fruit to add even more flavour. Though it’s sometimes called “Klingon coffee,” it’s quite different from both plain coffee and the alcoholic ra’taj.

* The Sand Kingdom in ''[[LightNovel/RestaurantToAnotherWorld]]'' has a drink called cafa which can be drank hot or cooled with magic. The rest of the other world have never heard of coffee, and visitors to the restaurant refer to it as a kind of tea.

* The Sand Kingdom in ''[[LightNovel/IsekaiShokudou Restaurant To Another World]]'' has a drink called cafa which can be drank hit or cooled with magic. The rest of the other world have never heard of coffee and visitors to the restaurant refer to it as a kind of tea.