History Main / ToughLove

--> I know ya ain't fond of our little chats, but I'm doin' it for you, kid. That's how much this mole cares. Face it, if I didn't care, I'd just show up, hack out a word or two like it was no big deal, and leave...

* In ''Anime/DigimonTamers'', Juri's father raised her this way after the death of her mother. Unfortunately, this accidentally made her into a StepfordSmiler who broke before she came home from the Digital World.

If dished out to one particular child in the family, expect said child to feel like TheUnfavourite compared to their other siblings. Can lead to a WellDoneSonGuy moment if this turned out not to be the case.

This trope is frequently used as justification for the actions of a KnightTemplarParent or sometimes the SinkOrSwimMentor if the relationship is neither familial nor quasi-parental. There can be a thin line to walk between practicing this trope and just coming off as another example of AbusiveParents. Expect a parent who HadToBeSharp while growing up to regard doing this as passing on vital experiences to their children, regardless of whether such skills are necessary in the current day. Website/TheOtherWiki has its own definition [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tough_love here]]. See CruelToBeKind for this trope taken to its extreme. In the GentleTouchVsFirmHand philosophy, this trope definitely leans to the latter. It's fondly used by a DrillSergeantNasty. Can lead to WasTooHardOnHim. Expect these kind of characters to believe that MiseryBuildsCharacter.

* In ''Manga/BloomIntoYou'', after the SchoolPlay ends, Touko joins a theatre troupe. The director of the troupe of the troupe, a woman named Nara, is impressed enough with Touko's skill that she's honestly surprised that the play is Touko's first time acting, but is also shown to be highly critical of Touko, and harshly lectures her for seemingly minor mistakes. One of Touko's new colleagues reassures her that Nara is only tough on people she sees potential in.
* In ''Manga/BungouStrayDogs'', Dazai used to abuse Akutagawa as his mentor, and never hesitate to taunt Akutagawa that he has never seen him as strong. It's implied that this is due to he wanting him to be able to survive in the dark world.

* ''Anime/CrossAnge'': Ange gives her bratty (and sadistic) little sister Sylvia some potshots after ''shooting a civilian in the face''. This makes her walk again and realize her own mistakes to the point that she ends up ''earning'' her royalty by butchering all the other bandits in the post-apocalyptia with some former royal staff, instead of bitching and whining like she did from Episodes 9 to 23.
* In ''Manga/DemonSlayerKimetsuNoYaiba'', Jigoro had a very firm hand approach when training Zenitsu, beating him every time his pupil tried to run away as Zenitsu threw tantrums and bawled his eyes out all the time, saying he was worthless and couldn't get strong no matter how much training he did; however Zenitsu gets on point to realize that despite the firm hand, Jigoro never abandoned him, and honestly believed Zenitsu could be better, in contrast to other people in Zenitsu's life that found him to be worthless on sight or pretended to be nice to later use and abuse him.

** ''[[Manga/JoJosBizarreAdventureGoldenWind Golden Wind]]'': Prosciutto is often very harsh on his apprentice Pesci, often chewing him out for his failures and even beating him up on occasions. The reason why he treats him this way is because, as mafiosi, they have to be ruthless and cold-blooded. Prosciutto truly does care about Pesci, and wants to teach him to succeed.

* Tiger from ''Anime/MonsterRancher'' is a firm believer of this, acting harsh and strict around his younger brother Gray Wolf to make him stronger. However this backfires as Tiger's well-intentioned attitude ended up giving Gray Wolf an inferiority complex. When [[BigBad Moo]] captured Gray Wolf, he [[MoreThanMindControl magnified Gray Wolf's insecurities]] to a full-blown GreenEyedMonster, to the point Gray Wolf wanted to ''kill'' his brother, much to Tiger's horror.

** [[OldSoldier Vice-Admiral Garp]] is a firm advocate of the Tough Love principle. Just look at how he changed Helmeppo and Coby from cowards into legitimate badasses after taking them under his wing. It is also part of the reason why Luffy is ''terrified'' of him. Regarding Luffy and Ace, this was mainly done in order to protect them from a world that would only ever want to see them dead, even if it meant forcing them into a life they don't want. This backfired tremendously, as it made him a poor ParentalSubstitute, and only caused them to want to become pirates ''even more'', if only to get away from him. While the brothers recognize that their grandfather loved them, it wasn't enough to sway them from pursuing the lives they wanted.

* ''Anime/PokemonTheSeries'': Misty would often encourage physical pain on her Psyduck in order to make it have a headache. That doesn't mean that she wanted to hurt it, but rather activate its psychic powers, which is a result from powerful headaches. However, she would be a little excessive when trying to do so.

* In ''Manga/SailorMoon'' Rei Hino insulted Usagi's hair style (90s dub) or intelligence (Viz dub and sub), and crushed on Mamoru, but is shown to actually care a huge deal about Usagi. In the Season 1 finale, she states how she enjoyed fighting with her before dying. In "Sailor Stars", it's Rei who Usagi confines in with her relationship problems and Rei actually doesn't know why anyone would hurt her.
** Downplayed in "Sailor Moon Crystal" due to her personality going back to being her original Kuudere self rather than her 90s Hot-Headded Tsundere self. Even when Season 3 brought it back, it's treated more like teasing or BrutalHonesty, and her admiration for her is a lot more shown here.
* ''Manga/ASilentVoice'': {{Deconstructed}}. Shoko's mother made her stay at the elementary school where she was bullied for so long in the hopes it would toughen her up and prepare her for how people would treat her. It didn't work out as Shoko always used the TurnTheOtherCheek approach, and internalized every bad thing people say about her deafness, to the point of becoming suicidal. Furthemore, Shoko's sister, Yuzuru, always called her out for her coldness and insensitivity.

* ''Fanfic/InfinityTrainVoyageOfWisteria'': {{Implied|Trope}}. Sara Diktaylis's foster parents made her watch the news about Mrs. Turner attempting to kill her former classmates before Chloe, the girl she bullied, stopped her. Seeing this and her former classmates' interviews does not help Sara's mental state and guilt, especially since the girl who became the hero is the same girl she despised and bullied. She has a breakdown and starts screaming until her foster mother comforts her. When Sara asked why her foster mother took her in, she reveals that she was just like Sara. It's implied that she and her husband forced Sara to watch the news, so she understands the harm she caused and hopes to help her grow into a better person.
* ''Fanfic/{{Juxtapose}}'': Having privately come to regret his bullying and concluded that it's his fault his victim didn't take the Hero Course Entrance Exam, Bakugou Katsuki has decided to do whatever it takes to get Gen Ed student Midoriya Izuku into the Hero Course "where he belongs." Bakugou's way of trying to help Izuku and inspire Izuku to achieve his full potential is [[TheOnlyOneAllowedToDefeatYou declaring war on Izuku.]] ''Repeatedly.'' Even in Bakugou's televised opening speech in the Sports Festival. [[spoiler:It turns out aggression is the only way he thinks he ''can'' interact with someone, due to his quirk counselors convincing him that it's his nature to be destructive.]]

* ''Fanfic/MeanRabbit'': Aizawa justifies his [[SadistTeacher sadistic teaching methods]] this way, believing that the best way to prepare his students for life's various cruelties is to be incredibly cruel and callous himself. Especially towards Midoriya, whom he singles out for being Quirkless. In ''practice'', he's mostly just creating unnecessary rifts in Class 1-A, turning them against each other, teaching them that they can't rely upon authority figures like him, and making them all [[TookALevelInJerkass take a few levels in jerkass]].
* ''Fanfic/TheOneToMakeItStay'': Felix believes that his cousin Adrien needs help becoming less of an ExtremeDoormat. Unfortunately, his primary way of helping him is through bullying, harassment and humiliation, trying to ''force him'' to [[GrewASpine stand up for himself]] and rebel more. Adrien also mimics his behavior in multiple ways; his [[EntitledToHaveYou entitled attitude as Chat Noir]] mirrors Felix's belief that he's perfectly entitled to dig into everyone's personal mysteries to satisfy his own curiosity, and he assumes that ''he'' knows how to fix the personal conflicts of others, butting his way in to offer passive-aggressive advice.

-->It was a brutal regime that punished failure... and also punished success. The house of Black always believed pain strengthened the mind.

* ''WesternAnimation/WreckItRalph'': Ralph destroys Vanellope's kart in order to stop her from racing and save her life, despite knowing how much it will hurt her and ruin their friendship. This is subverted when King Candy pretends he's trying to protect Vanellope, but later is revealed to be actually lying.

* In ''Literature/TheDivineComedy'', the audience is made to expect Lady Beatrice to be graceful and lovely as any pure damsel could be, only for her to express her love to Dante by drilling him on his sins until he bursts into tears. The angels pity the poet, but Beatrice remains stern as an admiral while maintaining only tears can allow Dante to survive the entry into Paradise.

* ''Literature/TheNeapolitanNovels'': Imma towards her daughter Elena. She almost borders on AbusiveParents (but for the social and historical setting she was all but normal) but she eventual reveals tha Elena was the person she loved the most in her life and doesn't really know how to be tender.

* ''Literature/SchooledInMagic'': When Emily is plunged into depression in ''Cursed'', Cat tells her to get her ass out of bed, beats her and threatens to rape her. This works; Emily is forced to fight back, and realizes that the depression is part of the curse, which helps her get her shit together. Then she makes it clear that if Cat tries that again, she'll castrate him.
* ''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire'' has several examples, played straight, subverted and even averted at times.

* Rita from ''Series/TheFosters'' is this trope personified. She cares for the foster girls in the group home she runs, but she takes not shit from them and breaking the rules gets privileges taken away. Although some of the girls begin resistant to her authority, they mostly seem to realize she actually does have their best interests in mind.

* ''Series/InterviewWithTheVampire2022'': In "[[Recap/InterviewWithTheVampire2022S1E4TheRuthlessPursuitOfBloodWithAllA ...The Ruthless Pursuit of Blood with All a Child's Demanding]]", Lestat de Lioncourt takes on a disciplinary role after a panicked and heartbroken Claudia [[AccidentalMurder inadvertently murders her first boyfriend]]. He wants to ensure that she never does anything so foolish again by maximizing her psychological turmoil. He smirks while he's mocking her mistake ("It's easy to get carried away when you're young and in love"), picks up Charlie's arm and drops it to emphasize that he's dead as a doornail. Lestat then shoves Claudia towards the corpse and commands her to "clean up after yourself." After she places Charlie's body inside the incinerator, she's about to walk away when Lestat roughly grips her arm and face to hold her in place. She has no choice but to look while her FirstLove's "bones cracked black and his face turned to soup," the disturbing image being seared into her brain.

* ''Series/TheUmbrellaAcademy2019'': Sir Reginald Hargreeves neglected and abused his children all to prepare them for their role as superheroes. Needless to say, his sons and daughter are, in the present day, [[BigScrewedUpFamily an extremely maladjusted bunch]].

* Deconstructed in ''VideoGame/TheBrainsAndTheBrawn'' with Mayor James P. Ravena, who made his son, [[spoiler:Gale Ravena]], do hard, literal backbreaking labor (it was so severe that it gave his son constant back pain) and treated him as essentially a slave who does everything his father demands. When confronted about this by the titile duo, he claims that he did it to turn his LazyBum son into a hard worker who will be ready for the task of running Ravena. Instead, his son runs away from home and hates him so much that [[spoiler:he becomes the BigBad who masterminds the entire takeover of Ravena as a revenge plot, while also [[TheChainOfHarm becoming abusive]] to his girlfriend Jeanne and trying to make her capture and kill his father]].

* [[DeconstructedTrope Deconstructed]] in ''VideoGame/GodOfWarPS4'': Kratos carries a ''lot'' of emotional baggage from the original trilogy, and as such becomes convinced that it would be better if he influenced his son Atreus as little as possible, [[IHatePastMe fearing that he might turn out just like him.]] When his wife [[TheLostLenore Faye]] dies, Kratos is forced to train his son in order to teach him to survive, but [[SinkOrSwimMentor his methods]] aren't exactly conducive to a more positive relationship. This, combined with his [[TheStoic less than stellar]] [[PoorCommunicationKills communication skills]], ends up convincing [[WellDoneSonGuy Atreus]] that his father doesn't care about him ([[WhyCouldntYouBeDifferent or at the very least sees him as a disappointment]]). Kratos has to really work at showing his son that he's wrong on that department, but make no mistake: Kratos does love his son, [[PapaWolf and the list of things he wouldn't do to protect him is alarmingly short.]]

* In the backstory for ''VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaBreathOfTheWild'', [[spoiler:King Rhoam treated Zelda with this as she strove to awaken her RoyaltySuperPower that she needed to defeat Calamity Ganon. On top of pushing her to undergo TrainingFromHell that involved extensive prayer at sacred springs (including one icy spring in which she had passed out), he also became a FantasyForbiddingFather, denying her the opportunity to study the ancient Sheikah {{Magitek}} that was being uncovered at the time so she would concentrate more on her training. Not only did Rhoam realize and deeply regret how this was ruining his relationship with his daughter, he also started slowly realizing that it was not helping her unlock her powers. Unfortunately, the very day he resolved to start treating her more kindly and maybe even let her study the Sheikah tech is the day Ganon returned, killed him, and destroyed Hyrule.]]
* ''Franchise/MassEffect'': If he survives the [[VideoGame/MassEffect1 first game]], this is essentially Urdnot Wrex's approach as leader of the [[ProudWarriorRaceGuy krogan]]. Wrex is absolutely uncompromising and harsh in putting his reforms in place, because he knows that they are vital to survival of the krogan people and they face an imminent extinction if changes are not made and they don't convince the rest of the galaxy that they deserve a second chance. He may not win all of the popularity contests with the krogan, but everything he does is to their benefit. In the [[VideoGame/MassEffect3 third game]], if [[PlayerCharacter Shepard]] has supported his approach unwaveringly, he succeeds and the krogan are on the path to a new golden age.

** With ''VideoGame/Persona4'''s [[LevelUpAtIntimacyFive Social Links]], the player is encouraged to do this with the use of {{Dialogue Tree}}s -- the Social Links all revolve around helping a person overcome their own issues, and the protagonist essentially serves a role like a therapist. Being [[BrutalHonesty blunt and honest]], but also fair and not belittling or insulting, is generally considered the best option, and will result in the most positive response and allow quicker progression through the Link. Many of the more blunt options require a certain amount of Courage, Expression, or Understanding to perform. By contrast, coddling or ignoring the problems will result in the worst responses, and make the Link slower to complete. This ties into the game's CentralTheme of uncovering truths both about the world and about yourself, no matter [[AwfulTruth how terrible they may be]].

* ''WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender'': This was Fire Lord Ozai's excuse for burning half of his son's face off in a duel:

* ''WesternAnimation/BigHero6TheSeries'': [[SternTeacher Professor Granville]]. When Hiro thinks he can't complete an assigment because he's no good at it, she encourages him to try harder by saying "Mr. Hamada. ''I'm'' the one that gets to tell people they're no good. Don't take my favorite part of the job away."

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'': [[Recap/FuturamaS6E24ColdWarriors "Cold Warriors"]] reveals that Fry's dad acted cold and verbally abusive towards Fry out of love, because he wanted Fry to grow up tougher.

* ''WesternAnimation/HarleyQuinn2019'': Parodied with [[CardCarryingVillain Psycho]] and his son Herman. Psycho reveals that his horrible mistreatment of Herman like locking him the basement, killing anyone who liked him and [[EmbarrassingFirstName naming him Herman]] were all to give him the terrible childhood backstory a supervillain needs because Psycho believed Herman could be even eviler than himself. Somehow, this actually reconciles the two.

** This trope is mentioned by name in the episode "Dia-Bill-ic Shock", when Bill is in the hospital for the second time because of his diabetes. His doctor lists all the terrible things that will happen to him if he doesn't get his diabetes under control and Bill asks the doctor if he's just giving him tough love. Rather than answering, the doctor points out that Bill ignored his previous doctor, and tells him he might as well just get a wheelchair now since he'll need one eventually anyway. It's unclear if the doctor was just being a DrJerk, or if he really was just trying to scare Bill into taking his diabetes seriously.
* ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'': The Pie parents may be dead-serious, strict, prone to anger and totally willing to let their fillies work all day long with rocks, not to mention their preference to speak in archaic English (they're based on the Amish, after all). But, [[JerkWithAHeartOfGold deep inside]], they truly love their four daughters equally and are very proud of them, and care a lot about Pinkie too, even if she's not the kind of mare they wanted to have.

* ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse'': The Maheswaran parents firmly believe this is the perfect way to raise their daughter Connie. They love her but are usually quite strict, demanding and forbidding to set her on the right track so she can grow up to be a decent woman. That is, until the events of "Nightmare Hospital" [[spoiler: when Priyanka Maheswaran realizes she's been way too strict with Connie to the point the poor girl feels rather afraid that her mom's harshness may never let her live her adventurous double-life with Steven. Priyanka has a MyGodWhatHaveIDone moment and decides to be a more loving, supportive and less harsh mother for Connie]]. While Connie's dad didn't show up in the episode, it's likely he may have experienced a change of heart as well.

* Parental interventions can be seen as this, usually these occur as a last ditch attempt to put troublemakers on the right track. Examples include [[DrugsAreBad drug addicts]], [[TheGamblingAddict compulsive gamblers]], [[FiveFingerDiscount shoplifters]], [[SkippingSchool truants]], etc. This is the premise of the [[Series/{{Intervention}} TV documentary of the same name]]. When people talk about tough love in real life, they usually mean this.
* Several real life boot camps also employ tough love to make their objectives heard. See ''[[RealityShow Celebrity Fit Club]]'' and its drill instructor [[DrillSergeantNasty Harvey Walden IV]] for one example. Walden is part of the team of experts (also including a nutritionist and psychologist) and usually means well but has often reduced contestants to tears with some of his comments to those who apparently cannot maintain their targets.
* One might consider this as Creator/SimonCowell's raison d'etre. Cowell is a CausticCritic who has appeared on shows like ''Series/AmericanIdol'', ''Series/TheXFactor'', and ''Series/AmericasGotTalent''. On each show, he's the HarshTalentShowJudge who is not afraid to speak his mind, and call acts "bad" to their face if he thinks so. However, Cowell does so in a way that tells them to improve and try again, and he'll praise acts he thinks are genuinely good.

* Creator/HayaoMiyazaki loved his son, but was not afraid to criticize his work. Commenting on his son's (poorly received) debut film ''Anime/TalesFromEarthSea'', he stated "It's good that he made one movie. With that, he should stop."
* Creator/DougWalker once shared a story where as a kid, he wanted to see ''Film/TheGarbagePailKidsMovie'' but his mother prevented him from doing so. As an adult, he finally watched the film and understood why and admitted that it was a blessing in disguise as he absolutely abhored the film, declaring it to be worse than ''Film/ManosTheHandsOfFate'', and eventually saying that it was the worst movie he had ever seen.

** '''Film/GodzillaKingOfTheMonsters2019'': [[Characters/MonsterVerseRussellFamily Emma Russell]] tells her ex-husband that she "trained [their daughter Madison] to survive" so she would have a fighting chance in a world full of Titans. Another likely reason for Emma putting Madison through boot camp is to ensure she wouldn't lose another child to a Titan disaster. A deleted scene after Mothra's awakening shows part of Madison's training--a sparring session with one of Jonah's men as Jonah and some of his mercs watch. The scene shows some of the emotional damage Madison suffers because of her mother's manipulations as she releases her pent-up frustration over Emma's actions and complicity in them out of blindly trusting Emma. On the flip side, Madison's training enables her to steal the [=ORCA=], escape the bunker undetected, and hike to Fenway Park miles away. Emma readied Madison physically but failed to prepare her emotionally while indoctrinating and tricking Madison into joining her plan to release the Titans.