History Main / RuleNumberOne

-->'''Mr. Miyagi:''' Aha... here are the Two Rules of Miyagi-Ryu Karate. Rule Number One: "Karate for defense only." Rule Number Two: "First learn Rule Number One."

* ''FightClub'' is parodies in the ''Robot Club'' episode of ''{{Spaced}}'':

-->''"If somebody you knew, whether they were a criminal or a window washer, constantly talked about "the rules", you would never want to hang out with this fuckin nitwit, would you? You're washing the window and the fucker says, 'Rule #1. No streaks.' What an annoying dude. Get him away from me."''

** That's three rules...

* In an issue of Alan Moore's WildCATs run, one of the [[StormWatch MERCs]] says: "Rule number 1: Don't @#$%& us. There's no Rule number 2"

* According to [[ObfuscatingStupidity Lu-Tze]], in the {{Discworld}} book [[Discworld/ThiefOfTime Thief of Time]], rule number 1 of Discworld is "Never act incautiously when confronted by [[OldMaster a little, wrinkly, bald, smiling man]]!" Lu-Tze works very hard to make sure everyone is aware of Rule 1.

* ''TheTransporter'': "Rule Number One: Never change the deal."

* [[{{SuperSmashBros}} First rule of]] [[{{FurryFandom}} fur faggotry:]] [[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/442158 You don't recover]]

* ''SchlockMercenary'' has the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates. Rule one: Pillage, ''then'' burn.

-->''"If somebody you knew, whether they were a criminal or a window washer, constantly talked about "the rules", you would never want to hang out with this fuckin nitwit, would you? You're washing the window and the fucker says, "Rule #1. No streaks." What an annoying dude. Get him away from me."''

* Ensign Robin Lefler, who appeared in one episode of ''StarTrekTheNextGeneration'', "The Game", had "Lefler's Laws", a list of rules she made up for herself. She still uses them when she becomes a main character in ''StarTrekNewFrontier''.

[[AC:WesternAnimation]]
* ''{{Disney/Aladdin}}'''s Genie.
-->'''Genie:''' Rule number one: I can't kill anybody, so don't ask. Rule number two: I can't make anybody fall in love. Mwa! You little punim there. Rule number three: I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture. I don't like doing it!
* Phil from ''{{Hercules}}'' has a whole list of rules for being a hero.
-->'''Phil:''' Rule number six: When rescuing a damsel, always handle with care.
* ''MonstersInc'':
-->'''Yeti:''' Rule number one out here: ''Always''... no, ''never'' go out in a blizzard.
* On ''FamilyGuy'', Peter recounts the story of his ancestor, Moses Griffin, who led the Hebrews out of Egypt. His Rule Number One: Shut the hell up.
* {{Galaxy Rangers}} Doc appears to have a list of reasons explaining why he is sorry he became a Galaxy Ranger. He only seems to quote them [[DrivesLikeCrazy when Goose is driving]]

[[AC:{{Literature}}]]
* In ''DirkGently's Holistic Detective Agency'', Richard is breaking into his girlfriend's apartment when he receives a mysterious phone call describing "the rules of breaking into an apartment". Rule number one is "never answer the phone".
* In Terry Pratchett's novel ''Discworld/ThiefOfTime'', Lu-Tze often reminds people about Rule One. Unfortunately for them, not everyone gets the message. Rule One is: [[spoiler: "Never act incautiously when confronted by a little bald wrinkly smiling man!"]]
** And then there's Rule Nineteen, which is "Never forget Rule One, and ask yourself why it was invented in the first place."
* [[TheActsOfCaine Matthew Stover's Caine]] has three rules. They really boil down to "I'm the boss and can kill you to maintain this authority", and serve more to operate as a [[BadassCreed coercive threat than as a code of behaviour]]. If he ever asks you "What's Rule Two?", then you, my friend, are in '''[[PreMortemOneLiner deep shit]]'''.
* [[{{Sharpe}} Richard Sharpe]] has three rules for the men who serve under him: 1) Don't get drunk without permission. 2) Don't steal unless it is from the enemy or you are starving. 3) When it is time to fight, fight like bastards.
* MilesVorkosigan's cousin Ivan, critiquing someone else's covert op that almost failed miserably: "You play games like that with the big boys, you'd better make damn sure you win, Miles says. Rule One. And there is no Rule Two."
* In AliceInWonderland, the King of Hearts reads out Rule Forty-two: "All persons more than a mile high to leave the court."
--> `Well, I sha'n't go, at any rate,' said Alice: `besides, that's not a regular rule: you invented it just now.'
--> `It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.
--> `Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.

* {{Rule 34}}, one rule in an imaginary list of "Internet rules".

* In an issue of Alan Moore's WildCATS run, one of the [[Stormwatch MERCs]] says: "Rule number 1: Don't @#$%& us. There's no Rule number 2"

Of course, the character could just be using this stock phrase rhetorically, and simply conveying advice or admonishments.

* In one of the most well-known ''[[MASHTheSeries M* A* S* H]]'' episodes ("Sometimes You Hear the Bullet" - the show's first WhamEpisode and its GrowingTheBeard moment), Henry Blake tells Hawkeye: "All I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war. And rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is, doctors can't change rule number one."

--> "Now, here at the Rock we have two basic rules. Memorize them, so that you can say them in your sleep. The first rule is: Obey all rules. Secondly, do not write on the walls, as it takes a lot of work to erase writing off of walls."

** In the DoctorWhoExpandedUniverse novel "Set Piece" Ace, seemingly left with no choice but to kill the Doctor to save the universe, flashes back to this conversation (and occasions when the Doctor had to make similar decisions) and decides that the third rule - ''her'' rule - is "No-one deserves to be sacrificed".

--> "Rule one - no pooftahs. Rule two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever - if there's anybody watching. Rule three - no pooftahs. Rule four - I don't want to catch anyone not drinking in their room after lights out. Rule five - no pooftahs. Rule six - there is no rule six! Rule seven - no pooftahs. That concludes the reading of the rules, Bruce."