History Main / IdTellYouButThenIdHaveToKillYou

* In the Film/HammerHorror film ''These Are The Damned'' (1963), government scientist Bernard gives his mistress Freya the quote below. [[spoiler:He's not lying either, as he kills Freya at the end of the movie after explaining the project he's working on.]]

** In [[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20130201 this strip]] Der Kestle declines to reveal information about [[spoiler:Airman Higgs]] to Zeetha, as doing so would require Zeetha to be killed.

->'''Doctor:''' Oh, Mr. Holmes, I would love to tell you, but then, of course, I'd have to kill you.\\

* Played with in one episode of ''Series/{{CSINY}}''. During the ColdOpen Adam is talking to a girl via webcam, using some fictional form of ChatRoulette. He asks for her name and she responds with this phrase...at which point [[spoiler:the murderer sneaks up behind her and kills ''her'' right in front of Adam, kicking off the MysteryOfTheWeek.]]

* In the ''Series/Leverage'' episode "The Boys Night Out Job", Police detective Bonano asks Eliot Spencer's friend what he does for a living. His reply is to cite this trope by name, and they all laugh, until Eliot says:

Often heard in settings related to espionage and high security levels, the phrase "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" is itself probably a DeadHorseTrope by this point - whether for a serious straight use or not.

* Seen in ''Webcomic/SweetBroAndHellaJeff'':

* The page image is from an ''Webcomic/{{xkcd}}'' strip where one character asks another what he's up to and receives the reply [[http://xkcd.com/707/ "If I told you, I'd have to kill you. I mean, sooner."]]

* In the [[''Series/Leverage'']] episode "The Boys Night Out Job", Police detective Bonano asks Eliot Spencer's friend what he does for a living. His reply is to cite this trope by name, and they all laugh, until Eliot says:

* In the LiveActionTV/Leverage episode "The Boys Night Out Job", Police detective Bonano asks Eliot Spencer's friend what he does for a living. His reply is to cite this trope by name, and they all laugh, until Eliot says:

* In the Series/Leverage episode "The Boys Night Out Job", Police detective Bonano asks Eliot Spencer's friend what he does for a living. His reply is to cite this trope by name, and they all laugh, until Eliot says:

-->-- ''Series/{{Sherlock}}'', ''Literature/TheHoundOfTheBaskervilles''

* In the 2009 adaption of ''Film/ThePictureOfDorianGray'', Dorian quips this in response to being asked his secret of looking young.

* Played with in one episode of ''Series/{{CSINY}}''. During the ColdOpen Adam is talking to a girl via webcam, using some fictional form of ChatRoulette. He asks her something - can't remember quite what - and she responds with this phrase...at which point [[spoiler:the murderer sneaks up behind her and kills ''her'' right in front of Adam, kicking off the MysteryOfTheWeek.]]

%%[[caption-width-right:187:future editors can add a witty caption of your own if you want. or, you know, just copy from the alt text]]

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* ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'': Vetinari (then a young assassin) in ''Discworld/NightWatch'' -- "I'd tell you but then I'd have to find someone to pay me to kill you."

* ''[[Literature/TheQuestForKarla The Honourable Schoolboy]]'' by Creator/JohnLeCarre - Ricardo explains his monologuing problem to Jerry: "You confuse me, Voltaire. If I tell you too much, I have to shoot you. I'm a very talkative person, you follow me? I get lonely up here, it is my disposition always to be lonely. I like a guy, I talk to him, then I regret myself. I remember my business commitments, follow me?"

-->'''Alan:''' What happened to [[{{MI6}} MIs 1, 2, 3 and 4]]?\\

* Music/WeirdAlYankovic's ode to EspionageTropes, "Party in the CIA": "Burn that microfilm, buddy, will you, / I'd tell you why but then I'd have to kill you."

-->-- ''Series/{{Sherlock}}'', "The Hounds of Baskerville"

-> '''Doctor:''' Oh, Mr. Holmes, I would love to tell you, but then, of course, I'd have to kill you.\\

-->'''Bullseye''': Okay, but you know the drill. If I tell you, I'll have to kill you.
-->'''Baldry''': That would be quite an accomplishment.
-->'''Bullseye''': Yeah. [[FingerGun It would.]]

-->'''The Drummer''': So what's the plan.
-->'''Elijah Snow''': If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
-->'''The Drummer''': That joke is [[ReallySevenHundredYearsOld older than you are.]]

-->'''Maverick''': We happened to see a [=MiG=] 28 do a 4g negative dive.\\
'''Charlie''': Where did you see this?\\
'''Maverick''': It's classified. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

-->'''Mick Taylor:''' I could tell you. But then I'd have to kill you. [[spoiler: Which he then does with masterful skill]]

-->'''Freya:''' I hate your secrets, Bernard.
-->'''Bernard:''' If I were to tell you even a little bit about, what you call my secrets... I might be condemning you to death.

--> '''Jenny:''' If we told you more about the show, we'd have to kill you.

'''Artie:''' I'd tell you, but then he'd have to kill you ''[pointing at Mrs. Frederick's bodyguard, who has come to pick Artie up]''

* Played with in one episode of ''Series/{{CSINY}}''. During the ColdOpen Adam is talking to a girl via webcam, using some fictional form of ChatRoulette. He asks her something - can't remember quite what - and she responds with this phrase...at which point [[spoiler: the murderer sneaks up behind her and kills ''her'' right in front of Adam, kicking off the MysteryOfTheWeek.]]

'''Daisy:''' What, is is a secret?\\

-->'''Mariah Dillard:''' You could at least let Tony bring me. I got lost three times trying to find this damn place.
-->'''Willis "Diamondback" Stryker:''' Sure, but then I would've had to put a bullet in the back of his head. No one comes here. Period.

-->'''Nia''': Poppi, what's your body made of?
-->'''Poppi''': [[ThirdPersonPerson Poppi]] could tell you, but then Poppi would have to kill you.

* ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer:'' from the episode "Inca Mummy Girl": Xander is involved with Ampata, unaware she's actually the MonsterOfTheWeek who's forced to drain the LifeForce from people to survive.

* ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer:'' from the episode "Inca Mummy Girl":
-->'''Xander:''' ''[on why the life-sucking mummy won't tell him why she's crying]'' Hey, I know why you can't tell me. It's a secret, right? And if you told me, you'd have to kill me.\\

* '''Series/TheJamieFoxxShow''': An episode revolved around Aunt Helen's pies which were utterly irresistible. Jamie manages to convince her to commission them out to banquet fiction and they meet the quota. But the night before they're to be shipped off, Jamie gives into temptation and ends up eating ''all'' of them. Luckily Helen foresaw this and had some backups hidden away to replace the eaten ones. At the end Jamie asks what she puts in the pies to make them so good, to which she replies with this trope.

** An even more perfect example, from the sequel ''The Vicomte de Bragelonne'': "It's a state secret," replied d'Artagnan, bluntly: "and as you know that, according to the king's orders, it is under the penalty of death any one should penetrate it, I will, if you like, allow you to read it and have you shot immediately afterwards." (The secret in question is the identity of the ManInTheIronMask.)