History Main / IHaveThisFriend

* Used in ''Film/IfTheseWallsCouldTalk'', where DemiMoore's pregnant 1950s widow asks a neighbor and a coworker where "a friend" could get a safe abortion.

* ''IrresponsibleCaptainTylor''. Empress Azalyn uses this trope because she CantSpitItOut that she's in love with Tylor (because their planets are at war and she's an empress, [[StarCrossedLovers a relationship is impossible]]) only to lose patience when he doesn't get the hint.

* ''IrresponsibleCaptainTylor''. Empress Azalyn uses this trope because she CantSpitItOut that she's in love with Tylor (because their planets are at war, [[StarCrossedLovers a relationship is impossible]]) only to lose patience when he doesn't get the hint.

-->'''Azalyn:''' Well for one thing, he's very dense!

* In ''TheSimpsons'', Homer realizes that he has a crush on his hot co-worker, Mindy. He brings it up at Moe's by mentioning his fictional "friend", Joey-Joe-Joe-Junior Shabadoo. Of course, the ''real'' Joey-Joe-Joe is in the bar at the time.

* {{Doug}} did this pretty much every time something happened and he needed advice.
* ''HomeMovies'' uses the twist where every time Brendan tries to introduce his friend to the girl he has a crush on, his friend runs away so the girl thinks he's the one with a crush on her. Later, when Brendan tells his mom about what's going on, she again thinks he's talking about himself rather than his friend.

* In ''KingOfTheHill'', Hank discovers he has a condition that basically means he has no butt and has to wear a special prosthetic to keep from injuring himself. After a lawnmower race where he wears the prosthetic, a man walks up to him and asks for some information for a friend who shares his condition. As the man leaves, Hank gets a look at him and declares that he might need to wear one as well.

* This happens in ''RocketPower''. In one occasion Reggie uses this on Tito, who thinks she's talking about somebody he knows, keeps asking about her and tells Reggie to give his regards.
* On ''ThePenguinsOfMadagascar'', the chimps Mason and Phil get a female named Lulu staying in her habitat. Phil falls in love with her and asks Mason to speak on his behalf. Lulu thinks Mason is speaking of himself when he talks about his "friend", and the rest of the episode is spent trying to get her to fall in love with Phil instead, with disastrous results.
* In one episode of ''{{Rugrats}}'', Angelica does this with Tommy after her parents tell her they'll be having another baby, causing her to worry that she won't get as much attention. Tommy's reply: [[CompletelyMissingThePoint "Well, at least it's happening to your friend and not to you!"]]
* In ''BeavisAndButthead'' (Pregnant Pause), Beavis thinks he's pregnant and tells Butthead he knows this guy who wants to know what it's like to have babies.
* In ''{{Futurama}}'', after Zapp Brannigan's girdle breaks under the pressure of gravity: "Let me ask you a serious question, Leela: Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine..."
* Scooby tries this when asking for love advice in ScoobyDooMysteryIncorporated.
** Also, Shaggy in the ''Scooby Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster'' movie - he tells Fred and Daphne he has this friend, "Scruffy", who has a crush on a girl etc., etc. [[{{CaptainObvious}} Of course, he was talking about himself having a crush on Velma.]]

* A purported example from real life (debunked by Snopes [[http://www.snopes.com/military/amputee.asp here]]) is a soldier telling his parents about his crippling injuries as if they happened to "a friend" he wants to bring home with him. When his parents say they can't possibly care for this friend, [[DriventoSuicide he commits suicide]]. Somehow, this is supposed to [[BrokenAesop make the soldier look noble]], even though he didn't reveal the whole truth about his condition.
** While it's still very broken, the idea seems to be that if he'd told them the truth they'd have felt obliged to look after him, so he uses the "friend" story to find out what they ''really'' think. Which doesn't work, for the reasons Snopes gives.

* In one episode of ''Series/{{Mash}}'', Klinger tries to invoke this trope to describe a potential problem in the unit, very badly, to Colonel Potter (Who starts seeing through the story when Klinger mentions that the other MASH unit the alleged friend is at is in Cleveland). Potter just tells him to spit it out and Klinger admits that he found the newest nurse in the unit passed-out drunk in the mess the night before.

* Noel from ''{{Felicity}}'' gives it something of a twist: he's a dormitory RA and talks to the other [=RAs=] about his problems as if they're the problems of one of the students in his building, who's been asking him for help. The others aren't fooled for a second, but let him think they are.

* Subverted in ''LizzieMcGuire'' where Lizzie actually ''is'' talking about a friend, and her mother keeps trying to comfort her as if she is talking about herself.
* In Season Four of ''TheOffice'', after a particularly ugly night at a club, a clearly wasted Ryan tells Michael that "his friend Troy" might have a drug problem. Michael doesn't get the hint, and tells Ryan that he should put a wire on Troy so they can bring down whoever's been selling him the drugs.

* ''ParkerLewisCantLose'': Parker Lewis tried to get advice from his parents about how to convince his best friend Mikey to not drop out of high school. They jumped to the predictable conclusion; then again, he should have been GenreSavvy enough to not open with "I have this friend who's thinking of dropping out of school..."

* ''TheCosbyShow'' used this with Denise asking Cliff if he could examine "a friend" for a possible STD. Turns out there really was a friend (who only had a minor urinary tract infection)
* In ''[[CSINewYork CSI:NY]]'' Lindsay is concerned about the impact of the lab chemicals on her unborn baby. So she does this with Stella, the lab's unpaid safety officer (one of her tasks). It's a rather silly scene as the entire audience can tell she's pregnant just by looking at her.
* Apparently Fez from ''That70sShow'' has a friend named... Johnny Table.

* On ''SavedByTheBell'', Zack wants to go on a skiing trip, but is failing his classes. He tells his father that a friend of his is in a similar dilemma, and his father says that if he were the friend's father, he'd ground the friend for life. Cue Zack going off on some tangentially related daydream regarding the latter...
* ''{{Smallville}}'' uses this when Chloe finds out about [[FlyingBrick Clark]]. Funnily enough, Lois [[WrongGenreSavvy does in fact assume she's talking about herself]].

* ''{{Frasier}}'' uses this several times, such as the following example:

* ''TheFamousJettJackson'' doubled up on this, with both of Jett's boy and girl friends being asked by a boy and a girl, respectively, for advice about their feelings for the other advice seeker. When Jett's friends go to him for help, he, [[GenreSavvy naturally]] assumes his friends are talking about each other, but keeps up the "charade".
* In an episode of ''MenBehavingBadly'', Tony needs to buy glasses but is embarassed to tell the optician, so he claims they're for a friend in prison. When she points out that the eye tests she does on him wont be very useful for his friend's eyes, he says that his friend "only wants to see quite well".
* In an episode of ''NewTricks'', Brian is attempting to time the distance between a suspect's place of work and a murder scene to determine whether the suspect could have killed the victim. Having reached an inconclusive result after running the course, he corners a nearby policeman and hypothetically asks whether he thinks it'd be possible to leave the workplace, beat someone to death, dump their body in a BMW and leave it in the carpark where the body was originally found. Unfortunately for Brian, he looks a bit crazy at the best of times, and the policeman notices that there happens to be a BMW parked nearby... and Jack is thus forced to call the arresting officer and inform him that while he acknowledges that Brian is a bit weird, he probably wasn't ''actually'' planning on killing someone in this fashion.
* ''DropTheDeadDonkey'': Helen, planning to come out to her parents, asks around the office for a purely hypothetical way to admit a personal secret to a close relative. No-one is fooled:

* ''TheMuppetShow'':

* ''WillAndGrace'': Karen does this to Grace when she's pretending to be a maid to woo a hot maintenance man (of course, Karen's grip on reality is tenuous at best anyway):

* On ''{{Neighbours}}'' Stingray talks to his doctor about his friend who was given a "present" by another friend that he doesn't want. It takes Karl only a few seconds to figure out he's a)talking about himself and b) talking about a suspected STD. It doesn't help that Stingray's friend's name keeps changing. It turns out that his problem was just caused by nylon underpants.
* Parodied and subverted on ''TheSketchShow'', when a man tells his doctor that his friend is a woman trapped in a man's body - and that that woman has a man trapped in her's. The doctor asks if he's talking about himself. He denies it, saying that it's his flatmate. Further subverted when she asks him to bring his friend to see her. He then pulls out a Babushka doll and opens it up.

* In an episode of ''ThatsSoRaven'', Cory asked Raven for his friend who wanted to gain the attraction of a girl. She automatically assumed and not so subtly made some suggestions for his "friend". The audience knew, but she didn't, that a rather scary kid at school was forcing him to help him - he really was asking for a friend.
* One episode of ''SonsOfAnarchy'' has Tara going to her boss to ask if she knew a place where a friend could get a discreet abortion and pay cash. The boss responds by giving Tara the name of a clinic, clearing Tara's schedule for the next day, and assuring her that she thought Tara's "friend" was making the right choice. This is both a subversion and a straight example: Tara really was asking for a friend (the stripper girlfriend of one of the Sons), but Tara was also pregnant, and her boss's response was one of the factors in convincing her to make an appointment at the abortion clinic as well.
* {{Inverted}} in an episode of ''JustShootMe'': Finch asks Jack for advice on a guy called Kyle who is making moves on Adrienne. Before Finch can finish his first sentence, Jack jumps to the conclusion that Finch ''is'' Kyle, and refuses to believe otherwise.
* Eddie of ''FamilyMatters'' does it when asking his father what one should do if something one just bought turned out to be stolen goods, complete with SuspiciouslySpecificDenial that it actually happened.
* To quote ''ParksAndRecreation'':

* On ''Tyler Perry's House of Payne'', Malik's friend Kevin actually did contract syphyllis but was ashamed/didn't know how to get help, so Malik offers to talk to his own dad, CJ and uses the trope to talk to him about it. Of course, CJ mistakenly believes that Malik is the "friend" and promptly flies off the handle until Kevin confesses that he is the one who actually needs help.

* On ''{{Fringe}}'', Peter says he's planning on going fishing, but doesn't want to go alone. When Walter asks who he's going with, Peter tells him a story about a man who, as a boy, always wanted to go fishing with his father, who never had time for him. Walter assumes that Peter is going fishing with his friend from the story, and asks if he can come along too.
* ''ThirdRockFromTheSun'':

* Subverted in an episode of ''HowIMetYourMother''. When trying to figure out why Robin doesn't like going to malls, one of the theories was that she was married before ''at'' a mall. The idea is lent credence by realizing Robin constantly talked about a friend of hers who got married way too young, believing it to be this trope. When Ted confronted her about it she even "admitted" it was true and she was married before. The reality is that she lied about that because she was embarrassed over the real reason she doesn't go to malls, she was a Canadian pop star with one hit "Let's Go To The Mall" and had to sing it in dozens of malls across Canada.
* Subverted on an episode of ''OnceAndAgain''. Grace is asking her aunt Judy about a friend she knows who might be anorexic. Judy, of course, immediately assumes Grace is asking about herself, but it's actually Jessie she's asking about.

* In one episode of HappyDays, Ritchie asks Al for advice for his friend. Al thinks that Ritchie is secretly talking about himself, in spite of the fact that the problem his friend is having is that he's black and having difficulty fitting into their mostly-white neighborhood.
* Inverted in an episode of {{Blossom}}. Worried about Six, Blossom confides in a counselor, who of course, laughs and says,, "Why is it always "a friend"?", before Blossom reassures him that it ''is'' a friend she's concerned about.
* One episode of ''{{Scrubs}}'' did the ''Tale of Two Cities'' inversion: While Turk is insisting there's nothing wrong with him, Molly asks him to diagnose one of her patients, listing the same symptoms he's been displaying. Turk instantly realises the "patient" has diabetes.

* ''Film/Austenland'': While Jane and [[spoiler:Nobley]] watch two other characters kiss in the distance, Jane and he discuss whether the other two are having a short-term fling or starting something more lasting; of course, they are really talking about themselves. Jane reuses one of the exact phrases from this dialogue later in the movie, applied to herself of course.

* Used in Steven Brust's ''Literature/{{Dragaera}}'', when main character Vlad Taltos tells a person in need of "problem-solving", that he is no longer in the [[ProfessionalKiller business]] but that he has a "friend" who might be interested in the job. It's implied that such conversations are common when it comes to hiring people for "problem-solving".

* In Creator/PGWodehouse's books, [[Literature/JeevesAndWooster Bertie Wooster]] is often assumed to be doing this when he in fact isn't. He'll tell, for example, Honoria Glossop, that he has this friend who's madly in love with her. He really does; he's referring to, in this case, Bingo Little. In fact, the idea of marrying Honoria repels Bertie. But she assumes he's talking about himself. And he's far too ''[[UpperClassTwit preux chevalier]]'' to correct her.
* In ''TheMayorOfCasterbridge'', Lucetta describes her love problem to Elizabeth-Jane this way, Liz sees through it but doesn't know who the other parties are till later.
* Similarly to the Wodehouse books, ''PointOfHonour'' by Madeleine Robins begins when the heroine is hired by a nobleman to find a fan, on behalf of his friend. She assumes that he's invoking the trope; in reality, he's telling the truth.

* Subverted in ATaleOfTwoCities when Mr. Lorry consults Dr. Mannete about the case of a friend’s mental shock. The case is not about Mr. Lorry; it is about Dr. Manette himself, who has experimented a HeroicBSOD and in the verge of a SanitySlippage that only has been avoided by the use of his CompanionCube.

* Subverted in one of the ''Diary of a Teenage Girl'' books by Melody Carlson. Current main character Kim is fishing for advice to give her best friend who's having boyfriend troubles; Kim's distraught father thinks she is the one sleeping with her boyfriend in a desperate attempt to stay with him, until her best friend turns up pregnant.

* Inverted several times in the novel ''Doctors''. When high schooler Laura learns she's pregnant, best friend Barney suggests that she ask her father, a doctor, for the name of an abortionist on behalf of a "friend" (the book is set pre-Roe vs. Wade). She refuses, knowing that he would instantly realize that she was asking for herself. Determined to help, Barney confides in the pharmacist that he works for, telling him, "a girl I know is in trouble". When the man wrongly assumes that Barney is the one responsible, Barney doesn't bother to correct him. Years later, in medical school, Barney is frightened to realize that one of his classmates is suicidal. When he frantically calls the school counselor for help, the man wastes precious time urging Barney to admit that ''he's'' the one in trouble.

* In ''Death: The High Cost of Living'', the protagonist Sexton meets a girl in a nightclub who tells him the story of a friend who was sexually abused and tried to kill herself by slashing her wrists. It's implied that she's talking about herself (she's wearing OperaGloves), but Sexton doesn't seem to notice either way.
* Julie's stories about "Megan" in the later part of ''TheMaxx'' may or may not be this. On the one hand, Megan does look like Julie & they both spent some time living with their grandparents. On the other, Megan is a lesbian while Julie slept with scads of men.
* In one GreenLantern / GreenArrow story, Speedy responds to Green Lantern wondering why anyone would use drugs by giving the hypothetical example of a young man whose father figure neglects him to go "[chasing] around the country." Which the heroes have, of course, been doing. Green Arrow is contemptuous of this hypothetical "sob story"... and then walks in on Speedy, his own surrogate son, shooting up.

* In ''The Intimates'', Punchy suspects that one of his classmates is suicidal, but isn't positive just who it is. So when he tries to tell a guidance counselor about it, he vaguely alludes to someone who is "''not'' me, okay?" The counselor naturally assumes Punchy is talking about himself.

* Used to some extent in ''{{Film/Spider-Man}} 2'' to his doctor. Who is most certainly not a psychiatrist, or for that matter a psychologist. What's worse, Peter started out talking about his actual experiences as, "I've had these dreams where I'm Spider-Man". And then says that it was actually his ''friend's'' dream. The doctor clearly catches on that the "friend" is really Peter (though he doesn't say anything), but mistakes the ''reason'' for why he's doing the routine. Peter is trying to hide the fact that he ''is'' Spider-Man; the doctor thinks he's embarrassed about the dreams.

* Used in ''If These Walls Could Talk'', where DemiMoore's pregnant 1950s widow asks a neighbor and a coworker where "a friend" could get a safe abortion.
* Subverted in CabinFever. [[MsFanservice Brunette bombshell Marcy]] is stuck in a remote cabin where some of her friends have caught a fatal flesh-eating disease and describes it ''[[SarcasmMode hypothetically]]'' as "like being on a plane that's about to crash. And all you'd want to do is grab the person sitting next to you and [[GreatWayToGo f--k the s--t out of 'em, because you're about to die, anyway.]]" [[CoitusEnsues Immediately cut to a shot of her literally grabbing the incredulous guy sitting next to her, throwing him down on the bed and riding him like there's no tomorrow.]]
* Used in ''FiftyFirstDates'':

* "Little Miss" Amanda tells Andrew this in ''BicentennialMan'', when she reveals that while she's been proposed to by a wealthy man, she would like to marry her friend, hiding that the friend is Andrew himself. While Andrew casually suggests she marry "her friend", the fact that she framed her question like this leaves out her main misgiving: that the reason she's hesitant is because he's a robot.

* ''FatalAttraction'': Fed up with Alex's crazed behavior, Dan finally goes to the police. . .on behalf of a "client" who wants an ex to stop harassing him. It's pretty obvious the cops don't believe him.
* In ''HarryAndTheHendersons'', George Henderson tries this when he needs some outsider advice on whether he should continue harbouring Harry (a bigfoot). He mentions "his friend, Jack", and the other guy asks him if the story will involve a beanstalk.
* ''Austenland'': While Jane and [[spoiler:Nobley]] watch two other characters kiss in the distance, Jane and he discuss whether the other two are having a short-term fling or starting something more lasting; of course, they are really talking about themselves. Jane reuses one of the exact phrases from this dialogue later in the movie, applied to herself of course.

* Used in Steven Brust's ''{{Dragaera}}'', when main character Vlad Taltos tells a person in need of "problem-solving", that he is no longer in the [[ProfessionalKiller business]] but that he has a "friend" who might be interested in the job. It's implied that such conversations are common when it comes to hiring people for "problem-solving".

* Often used by Akko in ''GirlFriends'' when she tries to discuss her love woes with her friends, without giving away they are about [[SchoolgirlLesbians her and another girl, Mari]]. The last time she used this is especially hilarious since she placed herself in the boyfriend of the friend role, leading to this exchange:

* In ''SchoolRumble'', while asking her friends advice on how to tell someone she loves him, she tells them it's for a "friend of a friend".
* ''AnoNatsuDeMatteru'': uses a neat double variant as the camera cuts back and forth between Kaito and Ichika discussing (with Tetsuro and Remon, respectively) the budding romantic feelings between "A" and "B" during the same lunch period. Bonus points because both Tetsuro and Remon realize that [[LoveTriangle Kanna is "C"]] independently.

* ''MidoriNoHibi'' has the ClassRepresentative Ayase confess to Seiji this way. After detailing all the ridiculous efforts 'her friend' made to catch 'some guys' attention, Seiji casually remarks that the guy must be an idiot not to notice any of them. She makes it a little more painfully obvious, and then drops the routine entirely at the end.
* In ''VisionOfEscaflowne'', both Hitomi and Millerna engage in IHaveThisFriend conversations with each other that describe their feelings and concerns about Allen. It takes both of them an ''astonishingly'' long time to realize just whom they are both, in fact, talking about. Millerna, to her credit, catches that Hitomi's basically repeating her earlier discussion, although it takes her a while to catch why that's important.
** Which the ditzy Catgirl Merle calls them both on.

* In ''{{Genshiken}}'', Saki tells a story about a "friend" of hers whose otaku boyfriend might have been watching anime during sex.

* In ''{{Inuyasha}}'', the title character isn't even willing to use the "I have this friend" method - Shippou ends up doing it for him, asking Kaede for relationship advice for "a dog I know," while Inuyasha, present for the whole conversation, denies that it has anything to do with him. HilarityEnsues, particularly given that Shippou provides visual aids.
** Visual aids he's so proud of that he later shows to the whole village, much to Kagome's embarrassment.
* Naru from ''LoveHina'' tells the rest of the girls about a "friend" who has a chance to do their dream job and wants to know what she should do. All the girls obviously know who she's referring to and tell her to try to keep [[spoiler:Keitaro]] from [[spoiler:working at an excavation site]].
* Variation: in ''[[HarukanaruTokiNoNakaDe Harukanaru Toki no Naka de - Hachiyou Shou]]'' Inori tries to get Akane's opinion on the relationship between his sister Seri and Ikutidaru the Oni by referring to a hypothetical situation without names or details; predictably, Akane's answer doesn't turn out to be something he hoped for (and she figures out right away that Inori is talking about a particular person).

* ''TheCosbyShow'' used this with Denise asking Cliff if he could examine "a friend" for a possible STD (it provides one of the above page quotes). Turns out there really was a friend (who only had a minor urinary tract infection)

* ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'',

* In ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'', after Kyle watches Film/ThePassionOfTheChrist, he feels guilty about being Jewish, and asks the Priest for advice regarding his "Jewish Friend".

* [[HarryPotter Draco Malfoy]] doesn't even get to say what his hypothetical brother's question was before Lucius says he'd kill him in a [[http://ktshy.deviantart.com/art/Simply-Potterific-16-29185449 Simply Potterific strip]]. What Lucius ''thought'' Draco was going to say is unclear, though [[http://ktshy.deviantart.com/art/Simply-Potterific-20-32407999 this strip]] gives an idea.

** ''VisionOfEscaflowneAbridged'' spoofs this with them both knowing what the other is talking about right away, and then playing with this in other forms.

->'''Denise:''' ''Dad, I have a friend that wants to talk to you about something important.''
->'''Cliff:''' ''Is this person related to me?''
--> -- ''TheCosbyShow''

* ''ItsNotMyFaultImNotPopular'': Yuu falls back on this after asking Mokocchi what a certain sex act entails.

* In one GreenLantern / GreenArrow story, Speedy responds to Green Lantern wondering why anyone would use drugs by giving the hypothetical example of a young man whose father figure neglects him to go "[chasing] around the country." Green Arrow is contemptuous of this hypothetical "sob story"... and then walks in on Speedy shooting up.

* In OrsonScottCard's ''Literature/TheTalesOfAlvinMaker'', Alvin is a major WeirdnessMagnet; unfortunately, one of the things attracted has a habit of trying to make Alvin's father kill him while Alvin is growing up. When the father finds someone with a grasp of the supernatural, he can't even keep the pronouns straight. The other person is kind and suggests that the friend should apprentice his son somewhere else.

* Heartwrenchingly executed in SleepingWithTheEnemy after Laura leaves her husband. An older lady strikes up a conversation on the bus; Laura says she was visiting a friend who needed help escaping from abusive husband to explain her trip. After telling the older woman how her "friend" couldn't get the cops to help and finally risked everything to get away, the old woman whispers "How long did you stay with him?" which Laura knows exactly, to the day.