History Main / DestructiveRomance

* In BuffyTheVampireSlayer, Spike's interest in Buffy started as StalkerWithACrush, but she regarded his advances with contempt. But after Buffy falls into depression in Season 6 she secretly starts sleeping with him. Unfortunately this only ends up making things worse -- Spike is convinced Buffy wants to come over to TheDarkSide and is frustrated by her unwillingness to either return his love or abandon her friends, while their InterplayOfSexAndViolence, her [[FoeYay lust for a soulless monster who's supposed to be her enemy]] and her [[WhatMeasureIsANonHuman guilt over using Spike without respecting his own feelings]] only increase Buffy's self-loathing. At one point she savagely beats an unresisting Spike, describing him in terms that are clearly referring to herself ("There is nothing good or clean in you! You are ''dead'' inside! You can't feel anything real!"). The InUniverse ValuesDissonance between the two reaches a point where [[spoiler:after she ends the relationship, Spike tries to inflict the RapeIsLove trope on an injured Buffy; fortunately Buffy is able to fend him off and Spike realises that, even for him, this act is crossing the MoralEventHorizon, and motivates him to go on a quest to regain his soul.]]

* In BuffyTheVampireSlayer, Spike's interest in Buffy started as StalkerWithACrush. But after she fell into a depression, the relationship was gradually upgraded to pure DestructiveRomance, as she started accepting his advances out of pure self-hatred. While she had nothing but contempt for him, he really did love her - but being the undead soulless monster that he was, he expressed it by trying to rape her. [[spoiler:Ironically, this made him realize that she deserves better, and go on a quest to get his soul back - eventually becoming a good vampire.]]

* Shinji and Asuka in NeonGenesisEvangelion just don't fit together. While they aren't exactly in a relationship, they both have strong feelings for each other, but they fail so much at communication that both suffer because they believe their feelings to be unrequited. They're similar where they should be different(both have trouble expressing affection because of their crappy past) and different where they should be similar. (She's very extroverted and dominant, and poor shy, introverted Shinji can't bring himself to speak up to her/stop her from pushing him around)This is furtherly complicated by the fact that Asuka sees him as a rival. She, in particular, constantly provokes him into doing stupid things, does nothing but insult and abuse him, until he eventually [[BewareTheNiceOnes snaps]] and attempts to strangle her. In the [[RebuildOfEvangelion Rebuild continuity]], even Asuka herself realizes that Shinji [[IWantMyBelovedToBeHappy would be better off]] with his [[ShyBlueHairedGirl ''other'' love interest.]]
** [[YourMileageMayVary Even in fanfiction, the Angst and Tragedy genres are the most belivable when it comes to the ones with Shinji and Asuka.]]

[[folder:Theater]]

A marriage or other romantic relationship that is truly destructive, breaking down at least one of the lovers. Probably both. While they may eventually recover, it can also be an emotional counterpart of DefiledForever.

A marriage or other sexual relationship that is truly destructive, breaking down at least one of the lovers. Probably both. While they may eventually recover, it can also be an emotional counterpart of DefiledForever.

** [[YMMV Even in fanfiction, the Angst and Tragedy genres are the most belivable when it comes to the ones with Shinji and Asuka.]]

* In BuffyTheVampireSlayer, Spike's interest in Buffy started as StalkerWithACrush. But after she fell into a depression, the relationship was gradually upgraded to pure DestructiveRomance, as she started accepting his advances out of pure self-hatred. While she had nothing but conte,pt for him, he really did love her - but being the undead soulless monster that he was, he expressed it by trying to rape her. [[spoiler:Ironically, this made him realize that she deserves better, and go on a quest to get his soul back - eventually becoming a good vampire.]]
* In {{Moonlight}}, Josef describes Mick's realtionship with his sire/ex-girlfriend Coraline as this to Mick's current love interest, Beth.

--->'''Josef''': What can I tell you, I'm a romantic.

* Shinji and Asuka in NeonGenesisEvangelion just don't fit together. While they aren't exactly in a relationship, they both have strong feelings for each other, but they fail so much at communication that both suffer because they believe their feelings to be unrequited. They're similar where they should be different(both have trouble expressing affection because of their crappy past) and different where they should be similar. (She's very extroverted and dominant, and poor shy, introverted Shinji can't bring himself to speak up to her/stop her from pushing him around)This is furtherly complicated by the fact that Asuka sees him as a rival. She, in particular, constantly provokes him into doing stupid things, does nothing but insult and abuse him, until he eventually [[BewareTheNiceOnes snaps]] and attempts to strangle her. In the [[RebuildOfEvangelion Rebuild continuity]], even Asuka herself realizes that Shinji [[IWantMyBelovedToBeHappy would be better off]] with his ''other'' love interest.

* Shinji and Asuka in NeonGenesisEvangelion just don't fit together. While they aren't exactly in a relationship, they both have strong feelings for each other, but they fail so much at communication that both suffer because they believe their feelings to be unrequited. They're similar where they should be different(both have trouble expressing affection because of their crappy past) and different where they should be similar. (She's very extroverted and dominant, and poor shy, introverted Shinji can't bring himself to speak up to her/stop her from pushing him around)This is furtherly complicated by the fact that Asuka sees him as a rival. She, in particular, constantly provokes him into doing stupid things, does nothing but insult and abuse him, until he eventually [[bewareTheNiceOnes snaps]] and attempts to strangle her. In the [[RebuildOfEvangelion Rebuild continuity]], even Asuka herself realizes that Shinji [[IWantMyBelovedToBeHappy would be better off]] with his ''other'' love interest.

If the relationship doesn't contain outright DomesticAbuse, then they are still dragging each other down on an emotional level. This is sometimes done on purpose as a calculated move to make the partner stay: If your partner doesn't have any self-esteem, they'll believe that they don't deserve any better then being with a creep like you. They'll simply accept the pain as if it's a universal truth that LoveHurts. However, please note that the partner does not ''have'' to be malicious or abusive; a sufficiently fragile character is all too easy to break.

These relationships can sometimes ''be caused by'' situations such as AMatchMadeInStockholm and delusions such as MaritalRapeLicense and SexIsEvilAndIAmHorny. They might ''lead to'' situations such as a DestructoNookie.

If the relationship doesn't contain outright DomesticAbuse, then they are still dragging each other down on an emotional level. This is sometimes done on purpose as a calculated move to make the partner stay: If your partner doesn't have any self-esteem, she'll believe that she doesn't deserve any better then being with a creep like you. She'll simply accept the pain as if it's a universal truth that LoveHurts. However, please note that the partner does not ''have'' to be malicious or abusive; a sifficiently fragile character is all too easy to break.

->'''Terri''': Who are we kidding will. This marriage works because you don't feel good about yourself!

If the relationship doesn't contain outright DomesticAbuse, then they are still dragging each other down on an emotional level. This is sometimes done on purpose, as a calculated move to make the partner stay: If your partner doesn't have any self-esteem, she'll believe that she doesn't deserve any better then being with a creep like you. She'll simply accept the pain as if it was a universal truth that LoveHurts. However, please note that the partner does not ''have'' to be malicious or abusive: A sifficiently fragile character is all too easy to break.

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[[AC:ComicBooks]]
* In {{Fables}}, the relationship between Jack and Rose Red has more then a hint of this even from the start, with Rose Red eventually realizing that they only brought out the worst in each other. When she later reconnects with him, it's out of pure self-hatred. Their new relationship drags her down even further.
* In {{Lucifer}}, Lady Lys' spirit gets permanently broken by her mortal lover Cristopher Rudd. And you thought a romance between a demon and a human would be bad for the ''human''?
* In BitchyBitch, Midge is so fragile that any romance she experiences is likely to turn into this.
* In BitchyButch, one of the main sources of the protagonist's permanent foul mood is that she got her heart broken by her first serious Girlfriend. First the Girlfriend was unfaithful, sleeping with another woman without asking for an open relationship first. When discovered, she declares open relationship retroactively, and Butchy accepts it on a theoretical level. On a emotional level, she obviously never got over it.
* In TheFeelingPrinceCharlesHad, love ''itself'' is portrayed as a destructive force that is bound to break people down emotionally.

[[AC:{{Literature}}]]
* The novel TheStoryOfO exists in two versions. These versions have very different endings, casting the rest of the story in very different light. In the most popular version, which most adaptations are built on, the relationship is simply CasualKink and PropertyOfLove. The other version is a DestructiveRomance presented as AbusivelySexy during most of the book [[MoodWhiplash but then abruptly changes tone]] at the end. [[spoiler:It ends with the protagonist and her boyfriend agreeing that she should commit suicide... and she does.]]

[[AC:LiveActionTV]]
* LawAndOrderSpecialVictimsUnit have portrayed many of these over the years. In one episode, Olivia tries in vain to convince a woman to report her husband for DomesticAbuse. Of course she refuses to betray her beloved like that [[spoiler:and eventually ends up dying in Olivia's arms, stabbed to death by her husband.]]
* In the ''North and South'' miniseries, Madeleine is married off to the villain Justin - who gradually breaks her down over the years, eventually turning her into a drugged down empty shell of a human being. Lasts [[LoveRedeems until the hero save her with his love]].

[[AC:{{Music}}]]

[[AC:{{Theater}}]]
* SunsetBoulevard: and OH how dysfunctional, with Norma's outbursts and Joe's passive aggressive BS. [[spoiler: Close to teh end, it turns out that her relationship with her butler is even worse.]]

* Eminem and Rihanna's hit "Love the Way You Lie."

Compare WomanScorned for when the destructiveness is caused by the termination of the romance rather then the romance itself. Contrast SafeSaneAndConsensual and CasualKink for stuff that might ''look'' like destructive romance without actually being it.

Compare WomanScorned for when the destructiveness is caused by the termination of the romance rather then the romance itself. Contrast SafeSaneAndConsensual, CasualKink and HarmlessWar for stuff that might ''look'' like destructive romance without actually being it.