History Main / BlamingTheCuckold

!!Examples

-->Charles, you were pathetic as a husband, you could at least pretend to be a strong prince.

* Subverted in ''Lyin' Eyes'' by Music/TheEagles has the woman the song is about start cheating on her husband because he fails to give her any affection, but ultimately still places the blame squarely on her for being a GoldDigger who married for money rather than love and says that she's just as unfaithful and dishonest to the man she's having an affair with and ultimately pins the blame for all her problems on her.

* Theatre/LaBelleHelene: Melenas comes back unannounced from his SnipeHunt in Crete [[https://youtu.be/i1QqhFmk1ek?t=1884 to find his wife Helen alone with Paris]]. This warrants an entire number where it's patiently explained to him (by his wife, his brother, and even the other Greek kings) that [[https://youtu.be/i1QqhFmk1ek?t=2063 a husband who comes home early has only himself to blame]] if he sees things he'd have been happier not knowing.

** "A Piano in the House" seems to have even the narrative of the story itself take the side of Esther for having an affair on her husband Fitzgerald, who was a cruel and petty man, even as she leaves with her paramour as the titular piano forces Fitzgerald to reveal to all present that he is a vindictive {{Manchild}} who hurts others because he himself is afraid.

* "Loungin' (Remix)" by Music/LLCoolJ is about a GoldDigger who cheats on her current boyfriend with her ex-boyfriend, because her current boyfriend is [[LousyLoversAreLosers bad in bed]] and gives her expensive clothes and jewelry but little real attention. The song is by the ex-boyfriend, so it completely mocks the Cuckold, who the woman ultimately dumps.

-->''You thought you could''
-->''Really make me moan''
-->''I had better sex all alone''

* Against any gender

--> '''Sarah:''' Ever since the Nine, ever since Bonesaw, he's been a different man. When Amelia fixed his brain, she also cured his depression, gave him a new lease on life. But you didn't even ''notice'', did you?

--> '''Andy:''' She was beautiful. God I loved her. I just didn't know how to show it, that's all. I killed her, Red. I didn't pull the trigger, but I drove her away. And that's why she died, because of me. The way I am.

** "A World Of His Own", once again with the narrative taking the viewpoint that the one cheating is justified, Victoria West comes home to spy a beautiful blonde woman talking to her husband, playright George West, in their living room. However, when she gets to the room, she finds no one else there but her husband, and there is no way anyone could have gotten past her. George reveals that the girl, Mary, was a figment of his imagination that he could conjure up at will simply by describing her into his tape recorder and that he could banish her again by burning the segment of tape. His wife is, understandably, incredulous of these claims, even after he demonstrates several times, once by summoning Mary again, and once by summoning an elephant to bar Victoria's exit. He explains to Victoria that she was "too perfect", and thus he couldn't relate to her. He even shows her an envelope with her name on it and a segment of tape. Still incredulous of his claims, Victoria throws the envelope in the fire, which George tries to retrieve. But it's too late. Victoria vanishes in a puff. George immediately tries to recreate her before realizing that he'd never been happy with her because she was [[MarySue "too perfect"]], and so he instead describes Mary, only now describing her as "Mary West". [[spoiler:Rod Serling then tells us that such things are, of course, ridiculous, and can't actually happen, which George West overhears, and then pulls out a tape with Serling's name on it and tosses it in the fire, telling him "You shouldn't say such things."]]

* ''WebVideo/AppleTexts'': Cheaters will often try to blame their partners for their affair. Men will often claim that the their wives/girlfriends are at fault for not taking care of their appearances or getting old, while women claim that their husbands/boyfriends are at fault for being a wimp or for not making enough money. Sometimes the cheating partner's family members or the affair partner will blame the one who was cheated on for not being good enough.

** '''Loneliness''': Cheating due to physical and/or emotional neglect is sometimes seen as the fault of the one who was cheated on, the logic being that [[AbsenceMakesTheHeartGoYonder that having an absent partner would naturally someone to seek another partner]].

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Note that the term "cuckold" is technically a gendered term exclusively referring to males who have been cheated on and "cuckquean" is its DistaffCounterpart. Nevertheless, this trope is gender-neutral despite its title.

Infidelity is generally seen as one of the worst actions a person can do. Like any act of wrongdoing, some people try to justify cheating in numerous ways. One such way is to blame the one who was cheated on for "making" their partner cheat.

** '''Ugliness''': A woman whose male partner cheats with a prettier woman will be blamed for not taking care of their appearance. Because of HollywoodBeautyStandards, some people's ideas "ugly" can apply even to beautiful women who don't ''perfectly'' fit societal standards of beauty.
** '''Feminity''': A woman who gets cheated on for a more feminine woman might get blamed for being too masculine or dominant.

** '''Age''': Even though aging is a natural part of human biology, some people use the fact that a person has gotten old as a justfication for cheating with a younger person. Due to the DoubleStandard [[MenGetOldWomenGetReplaced about men being allowed to be old while women aren't]], this excuse is considered more acceptable by men then women.
** '''[[LousyLoversAreLosers Being Lousy In Bed]]''': Someone might justify cheating by claiming that their partner couldn't or wouldn't satisfy their needs. Due to {{Double Standard}}s about [[ImAManICantHelpIt male]] and [[AllWomenArePrudes female]] sexualities, this excuse is more likely to used for men over women--although you will see it crop up if they consider the woman [[AllWomenArePrudes prudish]].

** '''Lack of Kindness''': A cheater might claim that the person they cheated on was unkind to them which drove them into the bed of another person. Whether or not the narrative agrees with the cheater depends on what exactly they meant by unkindness; [[SympatheticAdulterer sympathetic cheaters]] will often have to deal with a partner who is genuinly horrible, while unsympathetic cheaters will treat their partner as "abusive" because they stand up for themselves and don't kowtow to their partner's every whim.

Characters who do this could be cheaters trying to deflect blame, the affair partner gloating to their rival, friends and family of the cheater trying to defend them, or even the one who was cheated on themselves. {{Netorare}} works use this trope as a means of further humiliating the cheating victim.

Note that the term "cuckold" is technically a gendered term exclusively referring to males who have been cheated on, and "cuckquean" is its DistaffCounterpart. Nevertheless, this trope is gender-neutral despite its title.

* ''Film/HopeFloats'': Birdee's daughter Bernice is a DaddysGirl who blames her mother for her father's affair, until her father leaves her behind as well.

* ''Film/{{Network}}'': This is implied, when protagonist Max Schumacher (in his late 50s), explains to his wife that he simply '''must''' have an affair with Diana Christensen. The blame is implicit as Diana is both younger and an ambitious and ruthless professional, as contrasted to the supposedly boring and older wife. Again, some ValuesDissonance here, as the movie portrays Max as a good guy when he gives an epic TheReasonYouSuckSpeech against Diana, kind of glossing over the fact he is a man that coldly explained to his wife he is gonna cheat the hell out on her with someone he likely knew was evil all along.

** After her trial, Marguerite venomously spits that it was Isabelle's lack of bedroom talent which drove her husband (the all-but-openly homosexual Edward II of England) into the arms of men. Years later and Marguerite long dead, Isabelle finally takes on a lover (Roger Mortimer) and guiltily wonders if she'd have been as swift to condemn her sisters-in-law if she'd known what good sex was like.

* ''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire'': Occurs posthumously to Princess Elia, whose husband Prince Rhaegar ran off with Lyanna fourteen years before the beginning of the story. Daenerys wonders if Rhaegar left because Elia treated him poorly, since Viserys once said that Rhaegar wouldn't have needed Lyanna if he was happy with Elia. Jon Connington thinks Elia wasn't "worthy" of Rhaegar because of her [[DelicateAndSickly fragile health]]. Cersei and Kevan both think Elia wasn't attractive enough to keep Rhaegar's attention and that he would have been faithful to Cersei because of her beauty.

** Daniel believes it's his fault his wife Leigh Ann was unfaithful because he was always working and was stuck in his current position in the state assembly in Albany; Leigh Ann found Albany boring and so stayed in New York, where she began her affair. Leigh Ann agrees that she was bored, lonely and disappointed in Daniel, though she ended the affair after Daniel was elected to a senate seat in New York, putting their shared ambitions back on track.

* ''Series/CSICrimeSceneInvestigation'': In the episode that introduced recurring character Lady Heather, a woman who worked as a dominatrix is found dead in a sandbox. It is revealed that she was killed unintentionally by a man who was using her as a surrogate for his wife. When the CSI team say they'll match his epithelials to the straws found with the murdered woman, he suggests they test his infant son's epithelials as well, then pointedly tells his wife that he knows the child is not his, as she hasn't let him be intimate with her in well over a year.
* ''Series/{{Frasier}}'': PlayedWith In one episode Frasier comes to believe that [[ParentsAsPeople Martin]] had an affair when he was a child, leaving him utterly outraged (especially as he was himself cheated on by his second wife). That is until the end when he discovers it was actually his mother who cheated on Martin. Martin himself explains that whilst he was angry at the time, on reflection he doesn't blame Hester as it was during a particular bad period for him when he wasn't coping and taking it out on her. Whilst accepting this Frasier does point out it's still a horrible experiance to go through that no one deserves.
* ''Series/GhostsUK'': Following reflecting further upon his life, [[FriendlyGhost Pat]] comes to blame himself for his wife Carol's affair. Whilst a NiceGuy, he realises his [[CreatureOfHabit sheer inflexibility and unspontaneity]], to the point over literally having every single hour of his life scheduled to meticulous detail long in advance, and sheer obliviousness to how bored and miserable this was making her, led to her seeking excitement elsewhere.
* ''Series/IlCommissarioMontalbano'': One episode begins with Montalbano finally seemingly about to marry his girlfriend [[LongDistanceRelationship Livia]], only for his good friend and Deputy [[TheCasanova Mimi]] to reveal they'd secretly been having an affair behind his back. Everyone there, including the priest, blames Montalbano for driving Livia into his arms by [[MarriedToTheJob neglecting her]] all these years. [[ItWasAllADream As the whole thing turns out to just be a nightmare]] Montalbano was having, its implied to be a representation of his own insecurities.

** "A World Of His Own", once again with the narrative taking the viewpoint that the one cheating is justified, Victoria West comes home to spy a beautiful blonde woman talking to her husband, playright George West, in their living room. However, when she gets to the room, she finds no one else there but her husband, and there is no way anyone could have gotten past her. George reveals that the girl, Mary, was a figment of his imagination that he could conjure up at will simply by describing her into his tape recorder, and that he could banish her again by burning the segment of tape. His wife is, understandably, incredulous of these claims, even after he demonstrates several times, once by summoning Mary again, and once by summoning an elephant to bar Victoria's exit. He explains to Victoria that she was "too perfect", and thus he couldn't relate to her. He even shows her an envelope with her name on it and a segment of tape. Still incredulous of his claims, Victoria throws the envelope in the fire, which George tries to retrieve. But it's too late. Victoria vanishes in a puff. George immediately tries to recreate her before realizing that he'd never been happy with her because she was [[MarySue "too perfect"]], and so he instead describes Mary, only now describing her as "Mary West". [[spoiler:Rod Serling then tells us that such things are, of course, ridiculous, and can't actually happen, which George West overhears, and then pulls out a tape with Serling's name on it and tosses it in the fire, telling him "You shouldn't say such things."]]

[[folder: Films - Live-Action]]

Characters do this could be cheaters trying to deflect blame, the affair partner gloating to their rival, friends and family of the cheater trying to defend them, or even the one who was cheated on themselves. {{Netorare}} works use this trope as a means of further humiliating the cheating victim.

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* ''Series/{{Frasier}}'': PlayedWith In one episode Frasier comes to believe that [[ParentsArePeople Martin]] had an affair when he was a child, leaving him utterly outraged (especially as he was himself cheated on by his second wife). That is until the end when he discovers it was actually his mother who cheated on Martin. Martin himself explains that whilst he was angry at the time, on reflection he doesn't blame Hester as it was during a particular bad period for him when he wasn't coping and taking it out on her. Whilst accepting this Frasier does point out it's still a horrible experiance to go through that no one deserves.

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'''Indices'''
* InfidelityIndex
* CynicismTropes
* VictimhoodTropes
* BlameTropes