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Changed line(s) 3,6 (click to see context) from:
Pete Keller works at his local small-town market where he's the assistant manager and OnlySaneEmployee. Then one day he finds that a small gang of generic fantasy bandits have encamped in the market freezer section. The PoliceAreUseless and the bandits kill the manager for attempting to remove them; yet somehow it's a UnusuallyUninterestingSight for the staff and customers still coming to the market.
So Pete is left trying to figure how to save the market from leather-clad thugs.
So Pete is left trying to figure how to save the market from leather-clad thugs.
to:
Pete Keller works at his local small-town market where he's the assistant manager and OnlySaneEmployee. Then one day he finds that a small gang of generic fantasy bandits have encamped in the market freezer section. The PoliceAreUseless and the bandits kill the manager for attempting to remove them; yet somehow it's a an UnusuallyUninterestingSight for the staff and customers still coming to the market.
market. So Pete is left trying to figure how to save the market from leather-clad thugs.
Changed line(s) 10,11 (click to see context) from:
* BeleagueredBoss: After Dale is killed by the bandits Pete finds himself acting manager of the store; leaving him to handle disinterested and lazy workers, upset customers, and the bandits.
* BlackSpeech: Pete has no idea what language the bandits speaks and describes it as being guttural and "generic villain"; having no idea if they're speaking a real language like [[UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan Mongolian]], or something fantastic like [[OurOrcsAreDifferent Orcish]] or [[Franchise/StarTrek Klingon]].
* BlackSpeech: Pete has no idea what language the bandits speaks and describes it as being guttural and "generic villain"; having no idea if they're speaking a real language like [[UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan Mongolian]], or something fantastic like [[OurOrcsAreDifferent Orcish]] or [[Franchise/StarTrek Klingon]].
to:
* BeleagueredBoss: After Dale is killed by the bandits bandits, Pete finds himself acting manager of the store; leaving him to handle disinterested and lazy workers, upset customers, and the bandits.
* BlackSpeech: Pete has no idea what language the banditsspeaks speak and describes it as being guttural and "generic villain"; having no idea if they're speaking a real language like [[UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan Mongolian]], or something fantastic like [[OurOrcsAreDifferent Orcish]] or [[Franchise/StarTrek Klingon]].
* BlackSpeech: Pete has no idea what language the bandits
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Changed line(s) 11 (click to see context) from:
* BlackSpeech: Pete has no idea what language the bandits speaks and describes it as being glutteral and "generic villain"; in addition to wondering if its [[UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan Mongolian]], [[OurOrcsAreDifferent Orcish]], or [[Franchise/StarTrek Klingon]].
to:
* BlackSpeech: Pete has no idea what language the bandits speaks and describes it as being glutteral guttural and "generic villain"; in addition to wondering having no idea if its they're speaking a real language like [[UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan Mongolian]], or something fantastic like [[OurOrcsAreDifferent Orcish]], Orcish]] or [[Franchise/StarTrek Klingon]].
Changed line(s) 14,15 (click to see context) from:
* {{Golem}}: While brainstorming a solution to the bandit problem, David recommends speaking to a rabbi to have a golem made. Pete shoots it down but [[spoiler: at the end of the story Rabbi Levine arrives, after Pete already killed the bandits, with a golem riding in the passanger seat]].
* HornyVikings: One of the bandits wears a stereotypical horned Viking helmet and Pete dubs him "Viking".
* HornyVikings: One of the bandits wears a stereotypical horned Viking helmet and Pete dubs him "Viking".
to:
* {{Golem}}: While brainstorming a solution to the bandit problem, David recommends speaking to a rabbi to have a golem made. Pete shoots it down but [[spoiler: at the end of the story Rabbi Levine arrives, after Pete already killed the bandits, with a golem riding in the passanger passenger seat]].
* HornyVikings: One of the bandits wears a stereotypical [[HornsOfBarbarism horned Vikinghelmet and helmet]] so Pete dubs him "Viking".
* HornyVikings: One of the bandits wears a stereotypical [[HornsOfBarbarism horned Viking
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* PoliceAreUseless: Pete calls the cops but apprently the Oasis Market is in-between counties so the police won't come arrest the bandits.
to:
* PoliceAreUseless: Pete calls the cops but apprently apparently the Oasis Market is in-between counties so the police won't come arrest the bandits.
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"Bandits in Your Grocer's Freezer" is a 2021 comedy short story by Creator/AndrewLBergman
Pete Keller works at his local small-town market where he's the assistant manager and OnlySaneEmployee. Then one day he finds that a small gang of generic fantasy bandits have encamped in the market freezer section. The PoliceAreUseless and the bandits kill the manager for attempting to remove them; yet somehow it's a UnusuallyUninterestingSight for the staff and customers still coming to the market.
So Pete is left trying to figure how to save the market from leather-clad thugs.
----
!!This short story provides examples of:
* BeleagueredBoss: After Dale is killed by the bandits Pete finds himself acting manager of the store; leaving him to handle disinterested and lazy workers, upset customers, and the bandits.
* BlackSpeech: Pete has no idea what language the bandits speaks and describes it as being glutteral and "generic villain"; in addition to wondering if its [[UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan Mongolian]], [[OurOrcsAreDifferent Orcish]], or [[Franchise/StarTrek Klingon]].
* TheCavalryArrivesLate: After Pete [[spoiler: defeats the bandits, a car drives up with the Rabbi arriving with a golem to fight the bandits]].
* CloudCuckoolander: Ted is fairly lazy as an employee and absent-mindedly mentions skipping work in front of both of his managers. He comes up with the idea of writing a prophecy to get a hero to kill the bandits.
* {{Golem}}: While brainstorming a solution to the bandit problem, David recommends speaking to a rabbi to have a golem made. Pete shoots it down but [[spoiler: at the end of the story Rabbi Levine arrives, after Pete already killed the bandits, with a golem riding in the passanger seat]].
* HornyVikings: One of the bandits wears a stereotypical horned Viking helmet and Pete dubs him "Viking".
* HumiliatingWager: Pete loses a bet to Sarah and had to go to work with fake elf ears and a [[Film/TheLordOfTheRings Figwit]] nametag.
* LuckilyMyShieldWillProtectMe:
** Subverted when the want-ad hero arrives with gear, including a shield, and gets shot by the bandits before even trying to use it.
** Pete ends up using the dead hero's shield to battle the bandits, desperately blocking Boss's blows with the mace and manages to ShieldBash him.
* OnlySaneEmployee:
** Pete is seemingly the only employee taking his job seriously; Ted being lazy and Kathleen not caring about it.
** Mary Stevenson is the market butcher and the only one at the brainstorming session to suggest calling the police until they finally come.
* PoliceAreUseless: Pete calls the cops but apprently the Oasis Market is in-between counties so the police won't come arrest the bandits.
* RenaissanceFair: Dale's first response to seeing the bandits is to question if there's a Renaissance Fair going on; Ted absently mentions that if there was he'd be OutSick.
* TheSlacker: Ted tries to do as little work as possible. Pete knows that his "patient waiting" is him basically taking an unofficial break.
* StockScream: When Pete hits Viking in the back with the spear, he swears his death shout was the infamous "Wilhelm Scream"; his ex-girlfriend Sarah introduced him to it and was a "fan" of the sound effect.
* TakeUpMySword: An almost literal case; the hero summoned by Ted's want-ad gets killed by the bandits almost immediately, leaving Pete to take up his weapons and save the market.
* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: Both the customers and the staff of the Oasis Market are amazingly tolerant of the leather-clad bandits camping out in the freezer aisle. When they're mugged or otherwise harassed they only complain about it to Pete.
* WouldntHurtAChild: A seven year-old boy gets sent down the freezer aisle to get groceries. The bandits don't bother him and instead they play together. He tells Pete that they're nice but smelly.
----
Pete Keller works at his local small-town market where he's the assistant manager and OnlySaneEmployee. Then one day he finds that a small gang of generic fantasy bandits have encamped in the market freezer section. The PoliceAreUseless and the bandits kill the manager for attempting to remove them; yet somehow it's a UnusuallyUninterestingSight for the staff and customers still coming to the market.
So Pete is left trying to figure how to save the market from leather-clad thugs.
----
!!This short story provides examples of:
* BeleagueredBoss: After Dale is killed by the bandits Pete finds himself acting manager of the store; leaving him to handle disinterested and lazy workers, upset customers, and the bandits.
* BlackSpeech: Pete has no idea what language the bandits speaks and describes it as being glutteral and "generic villain"; in addition to wondering if its [[UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan Mongolian]], [[OurOrcsAreDifferent Orcish]], or [[Franchise/StarTrek Klingon]].
* TheCavalryArrivesLate: After Pete [[spoiler: defeats the bandits, a car drives up with the Rabbi arriving with a golem to fight the bandits]].
* CloudCuckoolander: Ted is fairly lazy as an employee and absent-mindedly mentions skipping work in front of both of his managers. He comes up with the idea of writing a prophecy to get a hero to kill the bandits.
* {{Golem}}: While brainstorming a solution to the bandit problem, David recommends speaking to a rabbi to have a golem made. Pete shoots it down but [[spoiler: at the end of the story Rabbi Levine arrives, after Pete already killed the bandits, with a golem riding in the passanger seat]].
* HornyVikings: One of the bandits wears a stereotypical horned Viking helmet and Pete dubs him "Viking".
* HumiliatingWager: Pete loses a bet to Sarah and had to go to work with fake elf ears and a [[Film/TheLordOfTheRings Figwit]] nametag.
* LuckilyMyShieldWillProtectMe:
** Subverted when the want-ad hero arrives with gear, including a shield, and gets shot by the bandits before even trying to use it.
** Pete ends up using the dead hero's shield to battle the bandits, desperately blocking Boss's blows with the mace and manages to ShieldBash him.
* OnlySaneEmployee:
** Pete is seemingly the only employee taking his job seriously; Ted being lazy and Kathleen not caring about it.
** Mary Stevenson is the market butcher and the only one at the brainstorming session to suggest calling the police until they finally come.
* PoliceAreUseless: Pete calls the cops but apprently the Oasis Market is in-between counties so the police won't come arrest the bandits.
* RenaissanceFair: Dale's first response to seeing the bandits is to question if there's a Renaissance Fair going on; Ted absently mentions that if there was he'd be OutSick.
* TheSlacker: Ted tries to do as little work as possible. Pete knows that his "patient waiting" is him basically taking an unofficial break.
* StockScream: When Pete hits Viking in the back with the spear, he swears his death shout was the infamous "Wilhelm Scream"; his ex-girlfriend Sarah introduced him to it and was a "fan" of the sound effect.
* TakeUpMySword: An almost literal case; the hero summoned by Ted's want-ad gets killed by the bandits almost immediately, leaving Pete to take up his weapons and save the market.
* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: Both the customers and the staff of the Oasis Market are amazingly tolerant of the leather-clad bandits camping out in the freezer aisle. When they're mugged or otherwise harassed they only complain about it to Pete.
* WouldntHurtAChild: A seven year-old boy gets sent down the freezer aisle to get groceries. The bandits don't bother him and instead they play together. He tells Pete that they're nice but smelly.
----
