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** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-you-know-its-time-to-get-married/ 5 Ways You Know It's Time to Get Married.]] I think we can say his life has gone from full John to full Cheese. Also, [[spoiler:DAMN IT EMILY, SAY YES.]]
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19389_the-8-most-badass-make-a-wish-foundation-wishes.html And this article. . . ]]
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19389_the-8-most-badass-make-a-wish-foundation-wishes.html And this article. . . ]]]]
** Again, you've got the comment section. Totally sincere, and anyone making a remotely cynical comment about all of this is immediately gunned down.
** Again, you've got the comment section. Totally sincere, and anyone making a remotely cynical comment about all of this is immediately gunned down.
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*** From the same article and section:
-->But understand this (and if you're in the age group I'm talking about, I hope to God that I'm wrong about you not getting this for years): You have more people who care about you than you think. Back when I was fighting that demon (I like to picture myself using a giant anime sword that's on fire), I swore on my soul that not a single person in the world gave a shit whether I lived or died. As I got older and that smothering black veil lifted, I realized how incredibly wrong I was. There were dozens of people who would have been negatively affected by my early check-out. You'll find the same. Even if it turns out that number is two, that should mean something to you because it translates to this: Those two people live in a better world simply because you draw breath.
-->But understand this (and if you're in the age group I'm talking about, I hope to God that I'm wrong about you not getting this for years): You have more people who care about you than you think. Back when I was fighting that demon (I like to picture myself using a giant anime sword that's on fire), I swore on my soul that not a single person in the world gave a shit whether I lived or died. As I got older and that smothering black veil lifted, I realized how incredibly wrong I was. There were dozens of people who would have been negatively affected by my early check-out. You'll find the same. Even if it turns out that number is two, that should mean something to you because it translates to this: Those two people live in a better world simply because you draw breath.
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** And then another John Cheese article, [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-bits-advice-that-dont-make-sense-until-its-too-late/ 5 Bits of Advice That Don't Make Sense Until It's Too Late]]. This one is pretty normal advice until #2, Going to a Counselor Doesn't Mean You're Crazy. The best part is the caption under a picture, which says, "Wanna know a secret? You are completely normal. It happens to all of us."
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*** "And this is what a Japanese saint looks like."
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*** "And this is what a Japanese saint looks like.""
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19389_the-8-most-badass-make-a-wish-foundation-wishes.html And this article. . . ]]
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19389_the-8-most-badass-make-a-wish-foundation-wishes.html And this article. . . ]]
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** "Apparently, this is what a saint looks like."
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** "Apparently, this is what a saint looks like."
***"And this is what a Japanese saint looks like."
***"And this is what a Japanese saint looks like."
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--> ...a person is driven to suicide by a whole bunch of different things, which builds a wall around them, piece by piece, until the last piece falls into place and the wall is sealed so that there's no way out. Sometimes we look at all the problems that build up someone's wall of hopelessness and think there's no way any of the insignificant things we could do would be able to take it all down. But to break the illusion of there being no way out, you don't need to take down the whole wall, you just need to make one crack in it. One puppy lick, one phone call from Laila Ali, one corny song, one internet stranger, one old Australian guy asking if you want to come in for a cup of tea. And one crack in that wall might be all it takes to turn things around and begin the long, tough job of tearing the whole thing down.
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--> ...a person is driven to suicide by a whole bunch of different things, which builds a wall around them, piece by piece, until the last piece falls into place and the wall is sealed so that there's no way out. Sometimes we look at all the problems that build up someone's wall of hopelessness and think there's no way any of the insignificant things we could do would be able to take it all down. But to break the illusion of there being no way out, you don't need to take down the whole wall, you just need to make one crack in it. One puppy lick, one phone call from Laila Ali, one corny song, one internet stranger, one old Australian guy asking if you want to come in for a cup of tea. And one crack in that wall might be all it takes to turn things around and begin the long, tough job of tearing the whole thing down.down.
**"Apparently, this is what a saint looks like."
**"Apparently, this is what a saint looks like."
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* Most of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-tiny-things-that-stopped-suicides/ 8 Tiny Things That Stopped Suicides]] qualifies, but the ending especially qualifies:
--> ...a person is driven to suicide by a whole bunch of different things, which builds a wall around them, piece by piece, until the last piece falls into place and the wall is sealed so that there's no way out. Sometimes we look at all the problems that build up someone's wall of hopelessness and think there's no way any of the insignificant things we could do would be able to take it all down. But to break the illusion of there being no way out, you don't need to take down the whole wall, you just need to make one crack in it. One puppy lick, one phone call from Laila Ali, one corny song, one internet stranger, one old Australian guy asking if you want to come in for a cup of tea. And one crack in that wall might be all it takes to turn things around and begin the long, tough job of tearing the whole thing down.
--> ...a person is driven to suicide by a whole bunch of different things, which builds a wall around them, piece by piece, until the last piece falls into place and the wall is sealed so that there's no way out. Sometimes we look at all the problems that build up someone's wall of hopelessness and think there's no way any of the insignificant things we could do would be able to take it all down. But to break the illusion of there being no way out, you don't need to take down the whole wall, you just need to make one crack in it. One puppy lick, one phone call from Laila Ali, one corny song, one internet stranger, one old Australian guy asking if you want to come in for a cup of tea. And one crack in that wall might be all it takes to turn things around and begin the long, tough job of tearing the whole thing down.
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* This whole site's attitude towards [[ToyStory Toy Story 3]]. From the chart satirizing it total TearJerker status, to defending it against Armond White, to the all around affection they seem to show for it (both users and contributors). Seeing this otherwise cynical site have such a soft spot for a movie about talking toys is quite heartwarming indeed.
to:
* This The whole site's attitude towards [[ToyStory Toy Story 3]]. ''ToyStory 3''. From the chart satirizing it total its TearJerker status, to defending it against Armond White, to the all around affection they seem to show for it (both users and contributors). Seeing this otherwise cynical site have such a soft spot for a movie about talking toys is quite heartwarming indeed.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/when-it-too-soon-to-make-fun-tragedy/ This]] piece about the death of AmyWinehouse is quite moving.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/when-it-too-soon-to-make-fun-tragedy/ This]] piece about the death of AmyWinehouse is quite moving.moving.
* David Wong gets one for [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17061_5-things-you-think-will-make-you-happy-but-wont.html 5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy (But Won't)]], what are those five things? [[spoiler: Wealth, Beauty, Genius, Fame, and Power]]. The best, TakeThat, ever.
** Let us not also forget Wong's [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15231_7-reasons-21st-century-making-you-miserable.html 7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making You Miserable]]. Most of his stuff qualifies, actually, but those two stand out above all the rest.
** What about [[http://www.cracked.com/article_14990_what-monkeysphere.html The Monkeysphere]]? One of the few articles that don't rely in list based humor (which is awesome but we all need changes), and uses one of the greatest metaphors ever.
*** They both end with a reassuring message. The first one tells you what will make you happy ([[spoiler:friendship, altruism, and religion practices]]), and the second tells you tells you how to not be miserable, so they do both end on a high note.
* David Wong gets one for [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17061_5-things-you-think-will-make-you-happy-but-wont.html 5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy (But Won't)]], what are those five things? [[spoiler: Wealth, Beauty, Genius, Fame, and Power]]. The best, TakeThat, ever.
** Let us not also forget Wong's [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15231_7-reasons-21st-century-making-you-miserable.html 7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making You Miserable]]. Most of his stuff qualifies, actually, but those two stand out above all the rest.
** What about [[http://www.cracked.com/article_14990_what-monkeysphere.html The Monkeysphere]]? One of the few articles that don't rely in list based humor (which is awesome but we all need changes), and uses one of the greatest metaphors ever.
*** They both end with a reassuring message. The first one tells you what will make you happy ([[spoiler:friendship, altruism, and religion practices]]), and the second tells you tells you how to not be miserable, so they do both end on a high note.
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[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/when-it-too-soon-to-make-fun-tragedy/ This]] piece about the death of AmyWinehouse is quite moving.
to:
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[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/when-it-too-soon-to-make-fun-tragedy/ This]] piece about the death of AmyWinehouse is quite moving.
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* John Cheese has a series of incredibly depressing columns about parenting, alcoholism, and life in general. Then he writes one titled [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/ 5 Reasons Life Actually Does Gets Better]].
** Which is also a CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming for the writer himself; all those depressing articles? ''They are based on his life experience.'' He has more than enough justification to complain how the world is unfair and not worth living, yet he wrote an article on how better life can get...*[[ManlyTears sniffs]]*
** Another thing that makes this article a major [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming CMOH]]? The comments section. You'd expect an article like this to be berated in considering Cracked's (possibly cyinical) nature and target audience, but no. Around 95% of the comments are praises directed towards Cheese about how awesome his article is; some commenters even ''thanking'' him for making such an inspirational article. Very few articles on the site are that well-liked.
** Which is also a CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming for the writer himself; all those depressing articles? ''They are based on his life experience.'' He has more than enough justification to complain how the world is unfair and not worth living, yet he wrote an article on how better life can get...*[[ManlyTears sniffs]]*
** Another thing that makes this article a major [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming CMOH]]? The comments section. You'd expect an article like this to be berated in considering Cracked's (possibly cyinical) nature and target audience, but no. Around 95% of the comments are praises directed towards Cheese about how awesome his article is; some commenters even ''thanking'' him for making such an inspirational article. Very few articles on the site are that well-liked.
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* John Cheese has a series of incredibly depressing columns about parenting, alcoholism, and life in general. Then he writes one titled [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/ 5 reasons life actually does gets better]].
** Which is also a CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming for the writer himself; all those depressing articles? ''They are based on his life experience.'' He has more than enough justification to complain how the world is unfair and not worth living, yet he wrote an article on how better life can get...*[[ManlyTears sniffs]]*
** Which is also a CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming for the writer himself; all those depressing articles? ''They are based on his life experience.'' He has more than enough justification to complain how the world is unfair and not worth living, yet he wrote an article on how better life can get...*[[ManlyTears sniffs]]*
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* Robert Brockway, after a very bad week, jokingly post an article asking for money and promising ridiculous prizes for people who donated. So many people asked him where the donate button was that he made it a real thing, and he got a ton of positive responses.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15658_the-ten-minute-suicide-guide.html The Ten-Minute Suicide Guide.]] What initially seems like a humourous how-to on killing yourself turns out to be a sneaky argument for why not to do it, in the most bluntly logical way possible - it looks at where you might end up, possible methods, and getting the timing right, and concludes that every option sucks ass.
to:
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15658_the-ten-minute-suicide-guide.html The Ten-Minute Suicide Guide.]] What initially seems like a humourous how-to on killing yourself turns out to be a sneaky argument for why not to do it, in the most bluntly logical way possible - it looks at where you might end up, possible methods, and getting the timing right, and concludes that every option sucks ass.ass.
*[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-pro-gay-marriage-arguments-fighting-with-crazy-people 6 Pro Gay Marriage Arguments.]] While the whole thing is equal parts awesome, funny and touching, the end is especially beautiful.
--> But family's not just your gene packet, it's the people who put your well-being ahead of theirs because you'd do the same for them. It's the people you don't worry about getting mad at because no matter how much you scream and swear you know you love each other. It's your clan, and you don't ask each other to be someone else or accept less in life. Instead you work yourself to the bone for them, because when bastards single you out, they're the ones who stand by you, even when fear-mongers tell them they'll go to Hell for it. And if that's who's in Hell, I'd rather go there than Heaven.
*[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-pro-gay-marriage-arguments-fighting-with-crazy-people 6 Pro Gay Marriage Arguments.]] While the whole thing is equal parts awesome, funny and touching, the end is especially beautiful.
--> But family's not just your gene packet, it's the people who put your well-being ahead of theirs because you'd do the same for them. It's the people you don't worry about getting mad at because no matter how much you scream and swear you know you love each other. It's your clan, and you don't ask each other to be someone else or accept less in life. Instead you work yourself to the bone for them, because when bastards single you out, they're the ones who stand by you, even when fear-mongers tell them they'll go to Hell for it. And if that's who's in Hell, I'd rather go there than Heaven.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15658_the-ten-minute-suicide-guide.html The Ten-Minute Suicide Guide.]] What initially seems like a humourous how-to on killing yourself turns out to be a sneaky argument for why not to do it, in the most bluntly logical way possible - it looks at where you might end up, possible methods, and getting the timing right, and concludes that every option sucks ass.
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* John Cheese has a series of incredibly depressing columns about parenting, alcoholism, and life in general. Then he writes one titled [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/ 5 reasons life actually does gets better]].
to:
* John Cheese has a series of incredibly depressing columns about parenting, alcoholism, and life in general. Then he writes one titled [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/ 5 reasons life actually does gets better]].
** Which is also a CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming for the writer himself; all those depressing articles? ''They are based on his life experience.'' He has more than enough justification to complain how the world is unfair and not worth living, yet he wrote an article on how better life can get...*[[ManlyTears sniffs]]*
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19317_7-pieces-good-news-nobody-reporting.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=feature_module The world is getting better.]]
** Which is also a CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming for the writer himself; all those depressing articles? ''They are based on his life experience.'' He has more than enough justification to complain how the world is unfair and not worth living, yet he wrote an article on how better life can get...*[[ManlyTears sniffs]]*
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19317_7-pieces-good-news-nobody-reporting.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=feature_module The world is getting better.]]
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* John Cheese has a series of incredibly depressing columns about parenting, alcoholism, and life in general. Then he oes one titled [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/ 5 reasons life actually does gets better]].
to:
* John Cheese has a series of incredibly depressing columns about parenting, alcoholism, and life in general. Then he oes writes one titled [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/ 5 reasons life actually does gets better]].
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* The very worst thing about raising kittens until they're ready for adoption, the earlier being things as getting scratched by them and them leaving poo everywhere? [[spoiler: Having to give them up.]]
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* The very worst thing about raising kittens until they're ready for adoption, the earlier being things as getting scratched by them and them leaving poo everywhere? [[spoiler: Having to give them up.]]]]
* John Cheese has a series of incredibly depressing columns about parenting, alcoholism, and life in general. Then he oes one titled [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/ 5 reasons life actually does gets better]].
* John Cheese has a series of incredibly depressing columns about parenting, alcoholism, and life in general. Then he oes one titled [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/ 5 reasons life actually does gets better]].
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Edited out some natter.
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** CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming: What CAN make us happy? [[spoiler: [[PowerOfFriendship Friendships,]] [[TheMessiah altruism,]] and [[GodIsGood religious practices.]]]]
*** [[spoiler:[[SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism Yeah, right.]]]]
*** Scientifically proven! =)
**** Actually, if I'm not misreading it, it's [[http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/happy/tigerhug.jpg this picture of someone hugging a tiger.]] Stare at that for ten second
*** [[spoiler:[[SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism Yeah, right.]]]]
*** Scientifically proven! =)
**** Actually, if I'm not misreading it, it's [[http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/happy/tigerhug.jpg this picture of someone hugging a tiger.]] Stare at that for ten second
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/what-andrew-wks-twitter-taught-me-about-life/ What Andrew WK's Twitter Taught Me About Life]]. [[spoiler: Daniel O'Brien is going to be the party.]]
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/funny-2732-kristen-bell/ this article]] about Kristen Bell. The description of a hypothetical marriage with her is unexpectedly touching.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/funny-2732-kristen-bell/ this article]] about Kristen Bell. The description of a hypothetical marriage with her is unexpectedly touching.touching.
* The very worst thing about raising kittens until they're ready for adoption, the earlier being things as getting scratched by them and them leaving poo everywhere? [[spoiler: Having to give them up.]]
* The very worst thing about raising kittens until they're ready for adoption, the earlier being things as getting scratched by them and them leaving poo everywhere? [[spoiler: Having to give them up.]]
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* One of Soren's videos, "The worst second date ever," features a guy who's dating a girl who doesn't speak English well. He asked her to meet him on a bridge so that they can jump off together to make some sort of complicated message to the world, which she clearly doesn't get. After reading her his poetry/suicide note, he gestures for her to jump off the bridge. She looks confused and scared, but steps forward. He's about to jump and "follow" her when he notices she's just sitting on the side of the bridge and looking out over the water. He's confused for a second, but then sits down next to her and reads her some more of his poetry.
to:
* One of Soren's videos, "The worst second date ever," features a guy who's dating a girl who doesn't speak English well. He asked her to meet him on a bridge so that they can jump off together to make some sort of complicated message to the world, which she clearly doesn't get. After reading her his poetry/suicide note, he gestures for her to jump off the bridge. She looks confused and scared, but steps forward. He's about to jump and "follow" her when he notices she's just sitting on the side of the bridge and looking out over the water. He's confused for a second, but then sits down next to her and reads her some more of his poetry.poetry.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/funny-2732-kristen-bell/ this article]] about Kristen Bell. The description of a hypothetical marriage with her is unexpectedly touching.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/funny-2732-kristen-bell/ this article]] about Kristen Bell. The description of a hypothetical marriage with her is unexpectedly touching.
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* I dunno why, but at #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16670_10-people-from-your-past-who-will-haunt-you-facebook.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Tech&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback10 People From Your Past Who Will Haunt You on Facebook]], I gave an audible "aww~" when I read to ''What They'll Mean'', expecting another snarky answer, but instead getting "How are you? I'd really like to hear from you because you're a great person." Why are weirdos such nice and friendly god damn people?
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* I dunno why, but at #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16670_10-people-from-your-past-who-will-haunt-you-facebook.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Tech&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback10 People From Your Past Who Will Haunt You on Facebook]], I gave an audible "aww~" when I read to ''What They'll Mean'', expecting another snarky answer, but instead getting "How are you? I'd really like to hear from you because you're a great person." Why are weirdos such nice and friendly god damn people?people?
* One of Soren's videos, "The worst second date ever," features a guy who's dating a girl who doesn't speak English well. He asked her to meet him on a bridge so that they can jump off together to make some sort of complicated message to the world, which she clearly doesn't get. After reading her his poetry/suicide note, he gestures for her to jump off the bridge. She looks confused and scared, but steps forward. He's about to jump and "follow" her when he notices she's just sitting on the side of the bridge and looking out over the water. He's confused for a second, but then sits down next to her and reads her some more of his poetry.
* One of Soren's videos, "The worst second date ever," features a guy who's dating a girl who doesn't speak English well. He asked her to meet him on a bridge so that they can jump off together to make some sort of complicated message to the world, which she clearly doesn't get. After reading her his poetry/suicide note, he gestures for her to jump off the bridge. She looks confused and scared, but steps forward. He's about to jump and "follow" her when he notices she's just sitting on the side of the bridge and looking out over the water. He's confused for a second, but then sits down next to her and reads her some more of his poetry.
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* This whole site's attitude towards [[ToyStory Toy Story 3]]. From the chart satirizing it total TearJerker status, to defending it against Armond White, to the all around affection they seem to show for it (both users and contributors). Seeing this otherwise cynical site have such a soft spot for a movie about talking toys is quite heartwarming indeed.
to:
* This whole site's attitude towards [[ToyStory Toy Story 3]]. From the chart satirizing it total TearJerker status, to defending it against Armond White, to the all around affection they seem to show for it (both users and contributors). Seeing this otherwise cynical site have such a soft spot for a movie about talking toys is quite heartwarming indeed.indeed.
* I dunno why, but at #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16670_10-people-from-your-past-who-will-haunt-you-facebook.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Tech&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback10 People From Your Past Who Will Haunt You on Facebook]], I gave an audible "aww~" when I read to ''What They'll Mean'', expecting another snarky answer, but instead getting "How are you? I'd really like to hear from you because you're a great person." Why are weirdos such nice and friendly god damn people?
* I dunno why, but at #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16670_10-people-from-your-past-who-will-haunt-you-facebook.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Tech&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback10 People From Your Past Who Will Haunt You on Facebook]], I gave an audible "aww~" when I read to ''What They'll Mean'', expecting another snarky answer, but instead getting "How are you? I'd really like to hear from you because you're a great person." Why are weirdos such nice and friendly god damn people?
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* This whole site's attitude towards [[ToyStory Toy Story 3]]. From the chart satirizing it total TearJerker status, to defending it against Armond White, to the all around affection they seem to show for it (both users and contributors). Seeing this otherwise cynical site have such a soft spot for a movie towards talking toys is quite heartwarming indeed.
to:
* This whole site's attitude towards [[ToyStory Toy Story 3]]. From the chart satirizing it total TearJerker status, to defending it against Armond White, to the all around affection they seem to show for it (both users and contributors). Seeing this otherwise cynical site have such a soft spot for a movie towards about talking toys is quite heartwarming indeed.
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**** Actually, if I'm not misreading it, it's [[http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/happy/tigerhug.jpg this picture of someone hugging a tiger.]] Stare at that for ten seconds.
to:
**** Actually, if I'm not misreading it, it's [[http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/happy/tigerhug.jpg this picture of someone hugging a tiger.]] Stare at that for ten seconds.second
* This whole site's attitude towards [[ToyStory Toy Story 3]]. From the chart satirizing it total TearJerker status, to defending it against Armond White, to the all around affection they seem to show for it (both users and contributors). Seeing this otherwise cynical site have such a soft spot for a movie towards talking toys is quite heartwarming indeed.
* This whole site's attitude towards [[ToyStory Toy Story 3]]. From the chart satirizing it total TearJerker status, to defending it against Armond White, to the all around affection they seem to show for it (both users and contributors). Seeing this otherwise cynical site have such a soft spot for a movie towards talking toys is quite heartwarming indeed.
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get out of the mainspace, somebody else can consolidate this with the former topbullet
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*** [[spoiler:[[SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism Yeah, right.]]]]
*** Scientifically proven! =)
**** Actually, if I'm not misreading it, it's [[http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/happy/tigerhug.jpg this
